Ask Dr. Tony Vol. 42

Copy (2) of bad-advice
Hellooooooo. It’s time once again for “Ask Dr. Tony”. I’m not licensed to drive, let alone give you any sort of real life answers but, you know what? Fuck all that. I’m a level headed and honest guy. I will tell you how it is without petting your fragile ego. At least as I see it.
So, if you have any life problems that an aging hip hop producer might be able to help you with, send them my way. Email me questions- phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comments below. It’s all anonymous. This is a safe place.

Greetings blockhead. Need an opinion. So I broke up with girl A around new years and parted ways. Was planning on marrying this one but didn’t happen since she became a drug addict and things got ugly. Well after this break up she moved back with mom and dad across the country and we remained friends. Now she’s clean, back on her feet and offered to fly me down for my birthday in march. Well after said plans I started seeing girl B and things are going well. Basically I know if I go I’ll end up cheating on girl B, if we’re still together, and that will turn me into a scumbag. Basically I have 0 physical resistance to girl A. What’s a guy to do???

Hmm…I hate to be vague guy over here but that really depends on you. Do you see a future with girl B? Or is she just someone you like enough to hang around with but don’t really want a long term life with? Also, what’s the end game with Girl a? Could you be with her again, now that she’s clean? Is that even possible , considering she no longer lives near you?
Seems to me, from a logical standpoint, you’d be flying out to see this girl just to have sex with her, in spite of your current relationship. There’s no future in that. However, if Girl B is not someone you think of as a long term person , then maybe this is your way of weaseling out of that relationship.
All I can say is, if you do go see girl A, break up with girl B first. It’s the honorable thing to do. If you’re too much of a pussy to do that, then just cheat. Cause it clearly seems like you have your mind made up.

So I’ve fallen in like with this girl. Problem is she’s on Twitter. She doesn’t exist in reality. She’s almost like a fantasy. She’s a beautiful Russian/Jewish woman from Canada and I just can’t get enough of her. She’s smart, insightful, a sense of humor, easy to talk to. I’ve gone so far as to DM her and even exchange emails so I can show her some stuff I write from time to time. Oh, and she’s mentioned a boyfriend. So the realist in me says the DMs/convos are nothing more than a friendly gesture. She’s like 30, older woman, in a relationship, different country and who knows what the Fuck else. We live our separate lives. But there’s another side of me that says Fuck it if all of these things are true and I can’t make the relationship progress any further why not tell her how I feel? What have I to lose but the specter of an internet relationship that couldn’t have gone anywhere anyhow? So my main questions are should I tell her? And how do you feel about this social network era we’re living in? Doesn’t this aspect of it suck?

Bro, back away from the computer and let her be.
You ever been talking to a girl at a bar and within minutes of the harmless conversation she mentions her boyfriend? That’s code for “This is just friendly and nothing else. Don’t get the wrong idea”. If a person makes their significant other known it’s for a reason. It is only another way when they bring it up but start complaining about that person. Then I could see why your ears might perk up. But that doesn’t sound like what’s going on here at all.
My guess would be she’s friendly and doesn’t view you as anything more than an internet acquaintance. She’s older, taken and doing fine in life. I don’t imagine she’s trolling twitter for dick from dudes in other countries. That said, if this is something you can’t hold in, there is 100% no harm in letting her know. The downside of that, however, is that she will most likely reject you and never interact with you again. Cause, as little as you have got to lose by telling her, is as little as she’s got to lose by politely saying “No thanks” then blocking you on all social networks.

Hey tony, my boyfriend and i have been goin strong for about 7 or 8 months, no complaints, very content together. I feel shallow even thinking this but the way he eats drives me insane. He chews with his mouth open loudly and will talk while pigging out. He also has a fungus on both his big toes that i know he could treat with some effort. Is there a way i can tell him or things i can do to nudge him in the right direction? Im not the best at being delicate sometimes i tend to be blunt about things but i dont want to come off asa controlling bitch. Please help

Hmm…shitty habits of your partner. That’s a tough one. I’d say the toe thing is more likely fixable. It effects his health and is clearly disgusting. So, even though he may be a gross person who willingly lives with toe fungus, perhaps all he needs is a push. Maybe link him with a podiatrist and make up some scary toe fungus facts that might scare him into fixing the issue.
As for the eating thing…that’s harder. I think you fully have the right to say something to him but it’s impossible to not make it sound like nagging. That’s something a mom would nag her son about. That’s a tricky dynamic to pull off. No girlfriend wants to be like a mother to her man. Well, some do but that’s an entirely different topic. Sadly, this problem with how he eats is more your problem than his in that I bet he doesn’t even realize he does it and couldn’t stop if he wanted to. You just happen to be grossed out by it (understandably so). So, you could say something to him about for sure…I just wouldn’t expect much results. Also, your boyfriend sounds like a total fucking slob.

Dear Tony,

So I’ll start from the top. I met a girl about 2 years ago through going to shows. We started seeing each other more and more and I eventually asked her out on a date. We hit it off immediately, but both of us had reservations about having a real relationship. I’ll also note that she has a kid from a previous relationship, and she has told me that she cheated in her previous relationship.

As we hung out more and more, we eventually fell into a relationship and it was pretty amazing at first. However, this girl is extremely flirtatious and has trouble turning down attention from the opposite sex, whether I am within view or not. I tried and tried to contain my jealousy, but its a real emotion and I should have taken the way it made me feel more seriously. Her selfishness doesn’t allow room for considering other’s feelings. RED FLAG

Anyways, she acted on some opportunities in more than one situation. To my knowledge, she says she has never slept with anyone while we were together, but my idea of cheating includes seeking any level of intimacy with someone other than your partner. She had a little fling when on a family vacation, which I found out about way after the fact. Then we went to a festival in another country, and I caught her making out with this random guy on the ground. In that situation, I think she actually got roofied, and I don’t know what would have happened if I hadn’t found her. Still doesn’t excuse her putting herself in that situation. RED FLAG

We took a break after that, but ended up back together again. Then she ALMOST got in a threesome with a dysfunctional couple, but removed herself from the situation and called me and said how bad she felt. That was strike three, and I know I should have ended it there but I made a pact that if it happened again I would end it. RED FLAG

Well, then we decided, lets get a place together! Cause that will magically solve things. I still can’t figure out why she agreed to do it if she wasn’t willing to commit. I tried to get over her past indiscretions, but my trust was gone. I ended up looking at her Facebook messages and told her (it ended up being an old set of messages from before we were dating) but she threatened me by saying “I’ll give you a reason not to trust me!” RED FLAG

She ended up going to a show with friends from work on a Friday and I had a bad feeling. I asked her the next day if she had kissed anyone, and she said no. The next morning I woke up and remembered a dream where she left me for another guy. RED FLAG

We go to dinner with her friends from work (she tried to back out), and I noticed she was talking to another guy a lot. Didn’t think much of it until she was texting nonstop on the way home. We get into bed and she says we are moving too fast and one of us needs to move out (1 year and 10 months into the relationship). I ask if there is another guy and she says yes. I considered entertaining an open relationship, but my lack of trust and her lack of respect will likely prevent that from ever working.

Phew. That was a lot. Anyways, on to my question: I have broken up with her, but we still live together. We still run in the same crowd and go to the same shows. How do I truly end this in a peaceful manner and move on? How do I stop thinking that I still need her in my life? I feel like we could be friends eventually, but dragging this out now may kill that chance.

She’s clearly not a girl you can ever seriously date. Look at all the red flags (side note: you having a dream about her leaving you doesn’t count as a red flag).
I realize this is much easier to see and rationalize from the outside looking in but I feel as though resentment alone should have driven you away from this girl. Is she that great? Is the pussy that bomb? To me, she sounds like a nightmare. Dating a girl who is a flirt is never easy but add on that she’s a born cheater and you might as well just jump off a building instead of instilling any trust or emotion into her.
The best way to peacefully move on is let her be. Let her do what she’s gonna do and don’t take it personal. She’s gonna do the same shit to the next guy. Sadly, there is no real way to stop how you feel and stop your mind from thinking about what could be. The best you can do is always focus on the bad shit and apply it to your life. Like “Hmm…she cheated on me a lot and made me feel like an insecure piece of shit”. Or “There is no way in hell I could ever truly trust this person”.
Dude, she had you considering polyamory and I’m willing to bet she didn’t even put it on the table. That’s was you just grasping at straws to keep her.
Forget being friends. If that happens it happens, For the time being you just gotta be cordial but uninvolved in her life. Trust me, there are plenty of girls who will go to shows with you.

This week in ridiculous rap: Viper the rapper

tumblr_n83nqf2x9o1tzzhzdo1_400
Here we have Houston rapper Viper. He’s got the dark corners of the internet buzzing.
He raps as if he’s nervously inhaling while telling a secret. His videos are shot on cameras that I’m fairly certain don’t exist anymore. That said, he can dunk a basketball (This is something I will always respect in any musician. I’m not even remotely joking) and he’s got a pretty girl in his video who, although she can’t sing, at least looks nice on a jungle gym.

Again we are faced with something in which I honestly can’t call. Is it real? is it a joke?
Andy Kaufman really fucked with our heads. So much so that I feel as though we are forced to question everything. For every Riff Raff, there is a “It’s so cold in the D”. And who are we to say what is and isn’t art? I would even argue that , if this is made in earnest, it’s as pure as art gets. Much like Daniel Johnston or Wesley Willis. Crazy people are not influenced by things outside their own minds. Sure, they draw inspiration from all over but, creatively, the mentally ill are some of the most amazing minds you will come by. Now, is Viper one of these guys? I have no clue. I’m leaning towards no cause, well…he just doesn’t come off as crazy. More just oblivious. Either way, it’s special in some way or another.

Peep Self Says new EP “Sleeves”!

selfsays-sleeves-ep-lead
Hey there. My homeboy Self Says, out of detroit, just put out some new music and you should peep it. He dropped an ep called “Sleeves” and it’s preeeeeeetty pretty dope.

If you’re unfamiliar with his work, he’s been doing good shit for a while now, quietly dropped an ep here and there. I’ve done a few songs with him in the past and look forward to working with him more.
Here’s a link to some of his older stuff and a few of the songs I did with him:
http://music.selfsays.com


Check it all out. There lots of good music in that link! And props to Self on the new release!

Answers for questions vol. 217

green-mustache-2
G’day mate! That’s for my Aussie peoples.
How’s life? Great.
Anyway, this is answers for questions. You asked me stuff so I answered it. I’m always in need of more questions so don’t be shy. Ask me anything. Either email me the questions phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comment section below. Get creative. It’s more fun when you do that.
Let’s check this weeks batch…

Have you ever found yourself feeling really grimy after masturbation? Idk what it is lately but right after I bust, I feel this short wave of disgust crash over me.

I think that’s a common feeling. There’s a certain grossness to the act that makes us all shudder a tiny bit , once the deed is done. Perhaps it’s the clean up process. Or maybe it’s the porn streaming on your computer that no longer is the even the slight bit exciting. In fact, it’s the best case ever for the “command”/Q option on computers (at least on apple) that shuts shit down immediately. Personally, the second I’ve “finished” I command/Q whatever is on so I don’t have to look at it any more. It’s not cause I’m ashamed of what I just watched but, really, if you look at porn outside of the context of something that will help you get off, it’s pretty fucking disgusting.
Slightly related note, this is why dudes who watch a lot of porn when they aren’t masturbating are weird fucking creeps. That just makes no sense. Porn exists to aid masturbation (or sex, I guess). Just sitting around and having it on is like a person who watches cooking shows all day but never wants to eat.

I was wondering what your opinion is on Albini’s take on the state of the music industry. http://www.theguardian.com/music/2014/nov/17/steve-albinis-keynote-address-at-face-the-music-in-full

Specifically, you just self-released your first album outside of a major (or otherwise) label, but have experience from within the machine. Also, on your most recent blog post you made a snarky comment about Spotify and how its going to earn you 15 cents while at the same time have mentioned in the past that you figured out the secret to success was grinding out the tours.

I’m gonna be 100% honest with you. I just woke up and really don’t feel like reading this whole thing. I read a few paragraphs but my ADD and general disinterest in reading long things on the internet kicked in and I bailed out. So, I really don’t know what Albini’s take is. From the parts I read, he seems to be leaning towards everything being fine. Okay. I could see that. Kinda. He’s from a different era , background and genre than I am so I really don’t know if the problems I have in the music industry are the same as him. I deal with sampling laws. I’m an indie artist. Always have been. When I started, the indie rap boom was upon us and dudes were moving units. This meant I made money on records I worked on. a partially cause they sold but also cause of how indie record labels crafted their deals. They were more artist friendly. Less tiny writing on contracts and more simplified. When internet downloading REALLY took off, I noticed money stopped coming in. So,I started touring more. It’s that simple. It’s not ideal but, as artists, we gotta adapt or die. I’d rather sit at home and make music all day than hit the road but that’s just not how it works anymore. My apologies if this is going wildly off topic but, like I said, you basically gave me a book report and I was never a guy who did well with those.

I just happened upon the booklet for Music by Cavelight. Isn’t it nice to have a visual aid to accompany your audio production? Just about a thing of the past now… shame. Anyway, could you please help us understand the pictures you chose to include? Who are all these people? Why are they important? How are they a piece of you? Perhaps include page numbers for reference. Thanks!

Also, I see you had a shout out to Vitamin Water. Have you noticed how much they suck since they switched to natural sweetener? I had a hard time accepting that my go-to beverage was a bust after that change… fuck… I still haven’t found a suitable replacement. Any suggestions?

Those are either family members or people who worked on the album. I Don’t have a cd or record in front of me but I can tell you the people in there include my dad (who passed away a years before that album came out and was pretty much an inspiration for many of the songs), my mom, Damien paris (He played guitar and bass on the album), Baby Dayliner (He mixed the album and played violin on it), Omega one (he did the scratches) and Aesop (Who I put there more as a token of my appreciation cause I wouldn’t have been there without him).

As for my shout out vitamin water, at the time , I was obsessed with that shit. They used to make a green tea flavor that I drank like 3 times a day. I got it in my head that, if I shout them out, maybe they would sponsor me and I’d get some free shit out of it. Well…it kinda worked. They sent me like 6 crates of free vitamin water. So, that was pretty awesome. As for how it tastes now, yeah…it sucks. I haven’t drank it in like 8 years with any regularity but it makes sense that they started using natural sweetener and it fell off. As for a replacement? I drink normal water but my go to shit is Honest tea. Specifically the green tea flavor. I love that shit and will gladly shout them out where ever I can…maybe they’ll hook a dude up. what up, honest tea? I love yall! Bethesda Maryland! Whattup!

I have an issue to be resolved between some friends. The issue involves morning woods and whether or not to enact on them. The morning wood is usually only there because of having to piss so bad in the morning, engaging in sex or self service could send the body mixed signals. Some people are in the “never trust a fart, never waste a bonner” camp, others are against confusing your male parts functions. I also have a friend who used his morning wood to have sex with his girlfriend and apparently had a little black out, pissed himself and woke up to his lady freaking out (he has no history of seizures), scary stuff. So some insight on the whole issue would be much appreciated. Thanks!

What on earth are you talking about? Morning wood is morning wood. You simple gotta let it go down, pee and that’s that. The “never waste a boner” idea is fucking insane. What kind of chronic masturbating rapist came up with that? I’m almost a middle aged man and I still get random boners sometimes. It happens. To need to beat off or have sex every time that happens would be obscene.
As for your friend who blacked out, sounds more like some other shit than his morning wood. Pretty sure you dick changing valves from “pee” to “jizz” isn’t gonna cause you to have a seizure.
I will say that a frustrating thing about morning wood is it really is your “best” boner. It’s the healthiest, biggest boner you will generally get so I understand wanting to put it to use. But, when it’s filled with pee, it’s hard to ignore that and , for me personally, that needs to be attended to first.

Who was the first person to start calling you by your middle name?
Was it something that you started, or did it just catch on over
time? How does your mother feel about it? Do you have anyone in
your life that calls you by your first name?

My friend goes by his middle name. But I’m that douche who calls
him by his first name. Moreso just for the sake of being a dick
rather than doing it for any legitimate reason. He’s even saved in
my cell phone under his first name. Years ago, we were on tour and
he gave his ID to another guy on the tour who was under 21 in order
to sneak the guy into a bar. The guy looked at his ID and was blown
away by the fact that his name was Brian and not Lou. They had
known each other for a few years prior, so he was also taken aback
by the fact that he knew his friend by a technically false name.

I’ve always been called Tony. Even though my first name is technically James. As far as I know, my parents did it. My older brother is the same way. His name is John but we all call him Nick. I have no clue why it worked out like that but the only time anyone ever calls me james is when I have to be official. Like dealing with credit card companies , boarding planes or getting a state ID. No one I know or who i am even remotely friends with ever calls me James. I don’t even react to it.

I’ve been living out of NYC for a few years, but lately a lot of
what I’m seeing online is people being very butthurt about how
inconsiderate New Yorkers are on public transportation. It made me
laugh, because I love how everyone thinks they’re a special,
shining star that deserves red carpet treatment 24/7– but I wanted
your take on it. Have you been noticing the same complaints or do I
live in some bitchy, complainy vacuum of overly emotional
princesses?

I haven’t noticed an influx of complaints really. It is what it is. some people are rude assholes on the train. To get overly upset about it is a waste of time, in my opinion. You’re never gonna teach that jerk off who doesn’t let people out of the train first before getting in that he’s a piece of shit. It’s in his blood.
Entitlement is a big problem in NYC. Especially with all the new people coming here who think they deserve special treatment. It’s hard to be sane in NYC if you’re walking around all day expecting strangers to give a shit about what you do and how you feel. NYC has a bad rap for being full of rude people but it’s not true. It’s simply full of people who don’t have time to coddle every person they come across. In general, we’re actually really nice.

Defending my tweets vol. 12

women-self-defense-3-1024x682
I tweet stuff. Often it’s brain farts. Sometimes I need to explain them a little more than I can in 140 characters. This is that. As always, respect due to Anthony Jesilnik for the idea and RIP his TV show. Luckily for me, you can’t cancel blogs.

Screen shot 2014-12-10 at 10.13.59 AM
Before I get more into this, I’d just like to say the idea of a nation being torn apart over whether tater tots or fries are the definitive side dish is pretty funny to me. I like to imagine a dystopian world where there are two sides and nothing in between. People killing one another over the belief that their version of a fried potato is superior to the other version. It could happen! Just watch.
Let me say that I’m firmly on team Tater tot. For some reason, on the east coast, tater tots are rare. I was recently traveling in the midwest and the north west and was delighted to see tater tots pop up all over the fucking place. Now, to be clear, french fries are awesome. No one hates french fries. But tater tots , maaaaaaaaaan! Crispy on the outside, chewy on the inside. Nothing has ever been described that way that wasn’t delicious (excluding a fried condom).
It baffles me that tater tots aren’t the norm. For one, kids love them. Secondly, they’re perfect. Why can’t we have both? Not to mention, think off all the things you can do with them. There’s this comedy club in NY called “The stand” that has a menu that was seemingly made by the highest people on earth. They have shit like cheeseburger dumplings and spicy tuna tartare cannolis. They also have Tater tot nachos which is exactly what it sounds like…tater tots smothered in all the same shit you put on nachos. I had it once and almost put my hard dick through the plate. It was that good. Sure, gravy , cheese fries are great too. But with tater tots, we have a whole new world of unchartered , heart stopping death trap cuisine to tap into. That place sonic does cheese filled tots. I haven’t had them but how bad could those be? The answer: It could not be bad…cause you can’t fuck up tater tots. Where as, i’ve had some pretty half assed fries in my life.
All I’m saying is, as good as fries are (in their many different incarnations) tater tots are better. Either you’re with me or against me.

Screen shot 2014-10-01 at 9.33.12 AM

Remember when counter cultures existed? I do. I can clearly recall when someone having a tattoo made them seem edgy or when a person being a vegan was totally unheard of. Hell, I didn’t know what a straight edge person was until I went to college and met kids from the suburbs. But it’s 2014 and those days are no more. As usual, the internet has changed the game. Taking something that was fringe and making it as normal as wearing dockers and boat shoes. Somehow, it’s almost flipped everything on it’s back. I don’t have any tattoos. I’ve never in my life wanted one. I’m simply not that interested in a commitment of that depth. Somehow, it’s gotten to the point where I’ve actually had conversations with people about how me not having tattoos is “really original”. While that is ridiculous, it’s also pretty telling. Clearly, there is nothing original about not having tattoos. People have not had them for centuries. Most people don’t have them. I’m still team Norm-core , in that sense. But I suppose , as a person who’s involved in “art”, I am in the minority on some level.
Add in that I don’t smoke weed and people look at me like I’m crazy. Weed people. They are a fascinating bunch. I used to smoke weed all the time. I had a decent run but then it simply didn’t feel good anymore. When you tell a weed enthusiast this, they kinda nod like they aren’t listening then launch into how maybe I haven’t smoked the right weed or maybe I didn’t smoke the right way…Cause it’s not possible for someone to simply not enjoy how weed makes you feel. You see we’re all like snowflakes and each one of us is blah blah blah. Nah, dude, I just don’t like weed. It’s all good though. More for you. You can legalize it. I truly don’t care.
But I do miss being a part of something in a way. I was never a full on “weed guy” but the camaraderie was nice. Even being a hip hop purist/nerd was like that in the 90’s and early 2000’s. Nowadays, I’d rather be locked in a rock with a rabid lion than someone who wants to chat about the four elements of hip hop with me. So, perhaps, this all just part of getting older. You just start caring less about lots of things you used to value greatly. My counter culture nowadays? People who spend way too much money on expensive meals. i ride with those motherfuckers all day. My peoplez.

Screen shot 2014-12-10 at 10.15.37 AM

I read yesterday that the owner of Grumpy cat has made close to 100 million dollars so far. That number could be wrong (good lord, I hope it is) but still…she quit her job as a waitress to become the full time manager of fucking Grumpy Cat. They made a movie…about grumpy cat. The cat who’s physical deformity became a meme. A deformed fucking cat. A fucking cat. Cat.
Now, this doesn’t effect me in the slightest. Aside from my natural aversion to all things cat related, I certainly cannot knock the hustle of Grumpy cat’s owner. In fact, props to her. She hit the lottery. But there is something truly beautiful about all of this. While there are millions of actors in the country struggling to maybe one day get a bit role in a local car dealership commercial with faint hopes someone sees it and gives them a slightly bigger role in a national car commercial, a deformed cat comes along and balls out of control. If nothing else, it goes show you how little talent matters and how much luck and timing play into success.
I’ve long hated on actors. Not cause they aren’t talented but cause they’re mostly self absorbed dip shits who think what they do makes them important. Musicians aren’t much better. It dawned on me over the last five years that, past a certain point of skill and years of experience , most actors can act well enough. By that, I mean that once you’ve reached a certain level of acting , you can be good if the right role materializes. Look at a dude like Jared Leto. He’s been shitty in movies and Tv since he was on My so called life. Then, all of sudden, he plays that guy with AIDS in “Dallas Buyers club” and he now owns an oscar (I think…It might have been a golden globe). This wasn’t cause he all of sudden become a good actor. He simply got the right role. I’d be willing to bet you could plug in an number of other actors in that exact same role and the movie would have been exactly the same. Remember when Matthew Mcconaughey played doofy male leads in rom-com’s and no one took him seriously? I’m just saying. Luck and timing. Don’t be shocked if someone like Mclovin’ turns in an oscar worthy performance in our lifetime. All he needs is the right role and that’s fucking hilarious to me.
So, to all you struggling actors out there, don’t quit your day job. unless you happen to buy a deformed cat that the internet loves then, by all means, quit your day job.

Song of the day: “One of the hardest”- Saafir

saafir1-wheelchair
Saafir- One of the hardest
http://www44.zippyshare.com/v/63735750/file.html

Saafir the Saucee Nomad holds a very special place in hearts of a lot of old rap nerds my age. I first heard him on Casual’s Debut album where he arguably stole the entire show with one verse. Shortly after that, he dropped his debut album “”Boxcar sessions”. Saafir was one of a kind. NO ONE rapped like him. Not even close. On top of that, he was fairly abstract in his beat choices, often straying from the jazzy, melodic tracks his contemporaries would use and going with beats that were straight up grating and aggressive. His first album got him a nice following and some devoted fans but, after that, he never really ascended. He did have a moment when he made a few songs with Ras Kass and Xzibit as a group called “The Golden state warriors” but after years of promising a full length album, it simply never came together.
Now, when I say he never ascended, I mean in popularity. He was still making music. Good music. But while other abstract rappers like Aceyalone or his hiero affiliates were making critically acclaimed albums, he sorta just did his own thing. Choosing a decidedly more west coast and gangster sound that probably scared away a certain backpack wearing portion of his fan base.
Well, it turns out that it was deeper than that. In 1992, he was in a plane crash and hurt his back badly. This snowballed into all sorts of other problems (and , honestly, really poor life choices on his part). You can read all about that here:
http://www.okayplayer.com/news/why-is-saafir-in-a-wheelchair-shock-g.html
I bring all that up to talk a little about the song I posted above. It’s off an EP of the same title that was apparently released in 2005. In this song, Saafir talks about many parts of his early career. One verse talks about his first time coming to NYC and linking up with rappers from this side of the country. In the last verse, he gets into the plane crash that would eventually have him sitting in a wheelchair. Now, obviously, when he made the song, I don’t think he know what his predicament would be but It’s still a really dope retelling of the events. I will say that the recording quality leaves a little to be desired but , if you’re old like me, you grew up listening to dirty 4th generation tapes anyway. This just sounds like my youth to me.

Answers for questions vol. 216

baby-monkey
Hi there. Welcome to another stirring edition of “Answers for Questions”. You send me questions, I answer them. If you’d like to be involved , ask me stuff! Anything. Try and be interesting/weird cause it definitely enhances both reading and writing this column.
You can send me questions here- phatfriendblog@gmail.com Or simply leave them in the comment section below. It’s anonymous and no one will know it was you who asked a stranger a question on the internet. Do it!
Let’s check this weeks batch…

lots of ringtone questions:
you ever judge someone based on their ringtone?

I’d like to say no but I’d be lying. Though, I can’t say I’d judge someone on a specific tone, I’d more judge them by the fact that they have a super loud and obnoxious ringtone that goes off in public. Unless they are older and don’t know how to set their phone up or maybe hard of hearing, that shit is unacceptable. You never wanna be that guy in an elevator who’s phone goes off and we all get to hear that your phone plays “hott nigga” every time you get a text.
what is your ringtone and why?
I have mine on vibrate only cause I’m an adult with dignity.
how often (if ever) do you change your ringtone?
Never. I’ve kept it on vibrate for years now.
if you could record your own verbal ringtone (which you can), what would it be/say?
It would either be me saying the words “Ring ring” over and over , getting progressively annoying with each round of “rings” OR me rapping the entire last verse of “Hott Nigga” in a thick british accent.

What is your favorite song produced by Aesop Rock and why? As when I found out that he was a producer and an mc it immediately made me think of you and what your favorite track of his is.

Gotta say, I’m really not a fan of these “What’s you favorite……?” questions. Partially cause I rarely have a definitive favorite anything. Things change. Depending on my mood, I might like something more one day than the next.So it’s all pretty arbitrary.
But, if I had to chose right now, the first thing that pops in my mind is “battery
It’s certainly not the “best” beat he’s ever made but I’ve always felt a closeness to this song. It’s just a really ill song. Definitely wish I had produced it!

Yo Block,
How do these whack rappers get as many chicks as they do? I’m talking the likes of Riff Raff or Mickey Avalon and so on? Is it the never breaking character, acting like a big shot thing they have going for them or what? If I starting putting out shitty albums and dressing or acting like a goon I don’t think I’d be as deep in women as these clowns. So what’s the difference?

You’re not familiar with how fame works, huh? Famous people get girls. No matter who they are. Jared from those subway commercials has gotten more girls than you. Right now, Peter Dinklage is probably waking up with 3 naked girls in his bed. At this very moment, Carrot top is laying in bed with 2 girls hotter than you or I will ever touch and hoping they wake up soon so they can leave and he can take a dump in private. There is a guy who was on a season of The Real World 15 years ago who’d gotten laid more than anyone you’ve ever met. That’s how it works. It’s unfortunate but putting a man on a screen or stage makes him more desirable to many women.
In the case of guys like riff raff and Mickey avalon, sure, the character they play comes into it. I mean, there are all sorts of non-famous guys who peacock and just have an undeniable arrogant confidence about themselves that typically leads to getting women. But don’t for one second think that their fame isn’t the reason they get more girls that you or me. Notoriety and access. It’s all about that.

question – How nervous do you get the day before you release an album by yourself?
Strangely, I was pretty calm. I no longer have lofty expectations for releasing records. I know some people are gonna check it out and hopefully they’ll like it. But, it’s not like I’m ever expecting huge sales or that this album is going to change my life. I simply don’t make that kind of music. If anything, I’m relieved to get it out cause I had been sitting on the finished version for almost a year.I’d imagine it’s like having a healthy baby. All that matters in that moment is that it came out breathing with ten fingers and ten toes.
But, yeah, I was never nervous. It’s simply too intangible a thing to really ever get scared over. I’m more nervous when I read a review of it and even that isn’t that nerve wracking.

When you eat a standard meal of potatoes, a type of meat, and vegetables…are you a person who eats each section in its entirety before moving onto the next or do you eat it all together bit by bit?

I tend to pick at one then pick at the other. There’s certainly no method to it. I don’t finish one part then move to the next. The only constant is that I eat the entire meal at a wildly unhealthy break neck speed.

If global warming is in fact real, how come we’re getting record cold winters?
Would you rather hibernate like a bear or migrate like a bird?

I’m not a scientist but I recently saw an interview with one who is at the top of his field and he said some shit about how these freezing winters and record snowfalls are part of global warming. I forget how or why but it seemed legit.
And I’d rather migrate, if it meant I could fly. But, if I couldn’t fly, sleeping for 4 months would be the shit.