Answers for Questions Vol. 209

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Helllloooo guyz. Welcome to another edition of “Questions for answers”. You ask, I answer. Simple. If you’d like to ask me anything, go for it. Email questions to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comment section below. Just try your best and be creative. If your question feels like something everyone would ask me, skip it and gimmie something I can work with. The more weird, the better.
Let’s get into this weeks batch…

not that it’s your fault or anything, but I seem to have reached a place of musical despair. I’ve been playing most of my life, and been listening to Hip-Hop for over 10 years. I play more than 5 instruments, make beats on my MPC 1000, sing, and freestyle. I know I’m good, and I love the music I create. Yet certain life events over the course of the past few years (namely heartbreak and being chronically underemployed broke, and depressed) have left such a bad taste in my spiritual mouth that it’s even soured the once-sweet flavor of creating music! Despite my best efforts, practicing or even just making music for the hell of it seems like some awful drudgery that I never have time for. Have you ever encountered this type of roadblock and if so, how were you able to get past it and rekindle the flame?

I just wanted to point out that “listening to hip hop for ten years” cracked me up…Since 2004!!??! Whoa bro!, you’re a veteran in this shit!
I’m so old. Jesus.
Anyway,
I’ve always felt creativity goes in waves. I’ve certainly hit walls where the last thing i wanted to do was turn on my sampler and make a beat. Then, a month later, I’m feverishly making 4 beats a day. A lot of times , being around certain people will kick start you back up. Seeing someone be creative around me , often makes me wanna get back in the lab just off the basis of their passion for what they’re doing. Or, Sometimes, I’ll come back off tour and just really wanna create new shit.
I would say “Don’t force it” but, honestly, sometimes you gotta just start making some bullshit just the get the ball rolling again.
I’d imagine it’s like getting into an exercise routine. At first, it’s gonna suck but eventually you’ll get in the swing of things and need to do it like your life depended on it.
All that said if you lose the passion, you lose the passion. It sounds to me like other things in life are getting you down and it’s just reverberating into your desire to make music. Maybe you need to get the rest of your life back on track before you can really focus on making new music. Some would take that pain and sadness and apply it to their music but we’re all different so, you know, just do what works for you.

I enjoyed you giving away the free music the other day. I was pleasantly surprised to notice you’d done production for some early Mac Lethal stuff. Being a fan of you both, it was cool to check that stuff out. Did you produce anything else for Mac Lethal? Were you hanging out in the same place, or was the collaboration done long distance? How did those sessions come about, and are you actual friends in real life? Do you still listen to him, and do you like his youtube stuff and newer music? Like, if he plays a show in NYC, do you try to check it out? Would you still be down to work with him, if he hit you up? Just wondering. Also, who else would you really like to produce for, if it were up to you? Doomtree? Jean Grae? Riff Raff? Mainstream, more commercially viable rappers? I know this is on some rap-nerd shit, and maybe the type of questions that you’ve answered too much or annoy you, but I’d be interested in hearing your answers.

I worked with Mac back in the early 2000’s. We met over email and he bought two beats from me. That was all we ever did though. I’ve met him in person once (at scribble jam in 2001 or 2002, I forget). The collabo was done entirely via mail and email.
I’ve been peeping his youtube vids for a while and it seems things are going really well for him, which is cool. He’s always been a nice dude and working with him was fun. I would work with him again for sure , if he hollered.
As for other rappers I would produce for…there are tons. Pretty much anyone I’m listening to at the moment. Underground rappers like Michael Christmas, homeboy Sandman, Your Old droog, Ratking, Shirt, Vince Staples, Earl etc…
On a more mainstream level, I’d love to do some shit with Gunplay (it’ll never happen but that would be awesome), Freddie Gibbs, Pusha T and Mystikal.

So you’re deserted on an island, who would you rather be stranded with: Mila Kunis, Bob Saget (he has an iPod that never dies and has eversong ever on it), or Bill O’reilly and his family (Bill can hunt with his hands like no other)?

Mila Kunis by a landslide. How is this even a question?
I think, if I were stranded on an island, my desire to survive would overtake my desire to hear music. Also, Saget is fucking annoying and not funny at all.Making small talk with him for years and trying to play the music I wanna hear would be worse than sitting in silence.
And, clearly, even if he’s a great hunter, ain’t nobody trying to hang with the Bill O’reilly family.
I’m sure Mila and I would figure something out. Or not…and We’d die but, hey, maybe that’s better than living on a deserted island for the rest of my life.

This is an elaborate confession leading up to a simple question: I am a grown man and I piss sitting down about 90% of the time. Here’s my reasons/explanation for how this came to be: (1) I am almost 6’5″so it’s a long way down which requires more clean up than your average man, I’ve lived with a few women in my life and they tend to complain if there’s a mess (2) I drink really heavily and nightly I always have, this contributes to the first problem as my aim is impaired so there’s more clean up, also by the end of the night standing for an extended period of time can be a chore in itself (3) I HATE using public urinals, even when I’m drunk there’s nothing more uncomfortable than standing a foot away from another dude with our dicks out and it’s completely silent. I think all public restrooms should have Slayer blasting. (that would also help me out as I’m not really into listening to dudes taking a shit) So I get what they call “bashful bladder” (which makes it sound extra pussy), I know a lot of dudes get it at the urinals cuz I’ve even done the stand off/game of chicken: where I know the dude next to me is having the same problem and he just flushes and leaves without urinating, (boom, I won) now I get to piss in private…shitty game. So I’ll usually use a stall to piss or my favorite is at some of my local bars they have the single bowl ladies’ room with a lock on the door, I usually know everybody so no one gives a fuck, but every once in a while a girl gives me a shitty look when I come out and I’ll make a snarky comment like “sorry, I thought the picture on the door was a dude with baggy shorts.” I’m pretty open about this subject and people in bars even enjoy when I break down why I “pee like a girl.” (being really tall and covered in tattoos add to their amusement I think) So what’s up Block? You ever get bashful with your bodily functions, or are you an “anywhere anytime” guy?

Hmm…If this were about shitting I would understand. Hell, if this was about peeing in those places that the urinals are just troughs I’d be like “No doubt”. But all your reasons for pissing sitting down are kinda weak. I mean, you’re 6’5”. You really think those extra inches of height make it that much more difficult to do what EVERY MAN on earth does? I think the key here is the drinking. You get shit faced and piss all over the place. Every time I’ve walked into a public bathroom and see piss everywhere and wonder “What savage did this?”. You are that guy. Just do people a solid and flip the seat up.
As for the shy bladder thing, I get it. That’s not uncommon. And , really, if you’re more comfortable peeing sitting down, do it. It’s your life. Don’t let me or anyone else tell you how to evacuate your bladder. But, also, accept that people might clown you for it. Whatever though…you’re 6’5” and covered in tattoos. I’m sure people will let it slide just on account of that.
As for me, I can pee anywhere. I’m not crossing streams with bro’s but if there is a urinal or a quiet street and I need to go, I will go. I’m a little more selective with #2’s. Touring has forced my hand a few times but, ideally, I try and not shit in most public bathrooms…cause guys like you are out there pissing all over everything.

You were living in Manhattan during the late 80’s, right? How true to the yuppie culture is American Psycho?
I was but I was also pretty young. Can’t say I was paying much attention to yuppies back then. That said, from what older people have told me, it seems somewhat realistic. I would actually argue it hasn’t changed much except the hedonism is less out in the open. Wall street is still packed with super rich, young assholes who do coke and fuck tons of low life women. The difference is now the clubs and restaurants are different but it’s all the same shit.The dip shits who buy Bottle service at clubs have always existed in some form or another.

on the cover of “Interludes” there is a partially cut-off poster on the wall stage right from the TV set. You can see the letters “ilkins”, a basketball goal, what appears to be half of a car, and then “alley”. Since the artwork seems so specific, is this based on a real poster and if so- on what?

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It’s a dominique Wilkins poster from the 80’s and , yes, it was real. He was my favorite basketball player when I was growing up. Hell, he’s to this day my all time favorite player.

Was Forest Crunk meant to be an instrumental song or was it created with the intention of Aesop rapping over it? Can you explain the back story behind it not having any lyrics?

It was just a beat. Aesop was making the Daylight Ep and he wanted an instrumental interlude. My memory is foggy but I feel as though he was working on one of his own and wasn’t liking it. I was sitting on the Forest Crunk beat and played it for him. He liked it and added it to the album. There was definitely never an intention to rap on it though. It was also my first real “instrumental track” I ever made. It was the song that popped the idea in my head that I could maybe make instrumental music.

DId Sir Jarlsberg make the craziest posse cut of all time? Yup. He did.

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So, my old friend and former Party Fun action Committee partner , Jeremy Gibson, has been doing a character known as Sir Jarlsberg for a while now. If you’re unfamiliar, it’s hard to explain. He’s a rapper/minstrel/entertainer from the days of yore. He raps about things like going to the market, the beauty of rivers and various dance steps. His first album , “Hark thou” was pretty much the “Low end Theory” of Medieval hip hop. His new album “Come Hither”, drops in a few weeks and he just leaked a song off it. This song…wow. I can honestly say not rap posse cut has ever featured such a wide variety of talent. Aside from his rapping chums (Dj Forlorn Maiden, Mingus, Sir Richard, and The Steed this song also features the likes of Lateef the Tru Speaker (Lateef), me (as the gnome), Aesop rock, Kimya Dawson , Baby Dayliner and Jeremy’s father Jon Gibson (who is a highly regarded wind instrument player who’s played with Philip glass and others for years). That’s a pretty fucking crazy line up.
Also, I did the beat and it’s silly as fuck. So, check it out…

I’d also say that, if you live in the NYC area, come see Jarlsberg’s live show cause it’s absolutely insane. I’m serious. It’s impossible to not have fun. It’s at Union pool in BK on October 29th.
If you’re curiosity is peaked, check out some older videos/music of Sir Jarlsberg’s right here:
http://phatfriend.com/2012/08/15/the-sir-jarlsberg-album-has-arrived/

Rogglecast 24- Loosening the jar

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This week, Pollyne and I are joined by a special guest, Aviva Yael. She’s a writer, blogger and known person about town. We play a game of “Fuck/Marry/Kill”, give Aviva the Guest survey and discuss poor dating instincts. We also get to hear Pollyne speak Portuguese , which sounds pretty cool and funny at the same time.
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Fuck/Marry/Kill Vol. 39

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Whattup everyone. Welcome to another edition of “Fuck/marry/Kill”. It’s exactly what you think it is. however, as always, I must remind you that this is not meant to be taken seriously. If you find it offensive, just know that I am well aware that I have no right to fuck, marry or kill any of these things/places/people. The only reason I don’t do men is cause it would be a three way tie for who I wanna fuck the least, every time.
So, yeah, lighten up. Also, if you got some creative ideas for Fuck/marry/kill ideas, leave them in the comments below. I can’t stress the “creative” part enough. Get wild.

F/M/K:Scarlett Johansson in Ghost World, Scarlett Johansson in Lost in Translation, Scarlett Johansson in Match Point

Marry: Scarlett in “Lost in Translation”
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I gotta say, these options are pretty obviously laid out. Each character represents a different side of sweet sweet Scarlett. In the case of “Lost in translation” she plays a under appreciated young wife. She’s thoughtful and in love but her husband is Giovanni Ribisi, so…you know, nuff said. Her character is pretty much written as the perfect wife. Even though the whole movie is about her finding a common bond with an older man , forming an emotional connection with him and (SPOILER ALERT) kissing him in an almost platonic way. She only does it cause her husband pushed her to it. I can get behind that. She’s okay in my book.

Fuck: Scarlett in “Match Point”
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Simply put, she’s just a hot little sexpot in this movie. There’s nothing more to it. To be honest, I had a friend tell me about her in this movie and , whenever it’s on cable I just check to see if she’s on screen. If she isn’t, I change the channel. So, in a sense, I’ve “seen” this movie about 20 times but never from start to finish , yet I have a faint idea of what it’s about. Basically, I’ve perused it much like I would an old porn VHS tape. From what I’ve seen, she looks amazing in this movie. So, this choice is fairly easy. Fuck fuck fuck.

Kill: Scarlett in “Ghost World”
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This is early scarlett. I’m not even sure she was over 18 at this point. I remember watching this movie and barely even noticing her. She wasn’t yet there, which is a good thing cause she was a child and I don’t need those guilty thoughts on my conscience.
In the movie, she plays a husky voiced girl who is drifting apart from her quirky and somewhat irrational best friend. Honestly, the thing I remember most about her is her voice. She’s a baritone. Add that to the underage thing and it’s an no brainer.
Side note: I do feel bad “killing” a teenager but that’s the name of the game.

F/M/K:Words-“Basic”, “Hipster”,“Selfie”

Marry: “Basic”
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I love that this word means what it means. For so long the world has needed a single word that could cover so much ground. A catch all generalization. Most people are “basic”. Meaning simple and uninteresting. They go along with whatever happens around them cause they’re too dumb or self involved to even bother questioning things. The only downside of this word is that it gets used by everyone so freely it’s become one of those words that will eventually lose it’s meaning. Kinda like hipster. Everyone is basic to someone else. Somewhere out there, a juggling drag queen , physicist who owns a bait and tackle shop in the himalayan mountains is being called “basic” by some salty hater who, in all reality, it’s probably pretty basic.

Kill: “Selfie”
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Obviously. We, as a race of humans, are the worst. Selfies represent many facets of why we are the worst. Now, to be clear, I’m not even that bothered by them. In fact, if you’re a hot girl, don’t ever stop taking them. Just know that , as pleasing as they can be to the eye, they do speak of a silent desperation, desire to be liked and loneliness.
Beyond the actual seflies, the term “selfie” has become like the word “literally” in it’s misuse. It now means any picture taken by anyone of any number of people. I think as long as someone is holding the camera and taking the picture of themselves and whoever else is with them, it qualifies as a “selfie”, which makes no sense. That’s like calling an orgy “masturbating”.

Fuck: “Hipster”
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I don’t really know how this one lands on “fuck” but it’s pretty much by default. I feel as though Hipster is no longer a useful term cause it means everything and everyone. Basically, If you’re a person between 15-40 and you pay attention to anything involved in the pop culture stratosphere in the slightest capacity, you are a hipster. I’m a hipster. You’re a hipster. Your dad might be a hipster. Clearly, it’s not a select group like it used to be. It’s also turned into a derogatory term for any one who someone feels tries too hard…which is ironic considering that actual hipsters, by nature, are all about trying too hard. They’re all about being the first to know about something and, in general, being ahead of the social curve. You know who the real hipsters are? Crazy right wing separatists. Mark my word, when the the economy collapses and shit starts hitting the fan, they’ll be the ones in their homemade bunkers like “I was about this revolution lifestyle , like, forever…”

FMK: Andie MacDowell, Frances McDormand, Mary Steenburgen

Kill: Frances Mcdormand
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Even though she’s , by far, my favorite actress of this bunch , I’m still a flawed and shallow man. I don’t want to kill her. Not even a little bit but in this fucked up game, there always has to be one. As talented as she is, she’s just not someone I would ever want to put my penis inside (I’m sure the feelings mutual so i don’t feel that bad). This is 100% based on physical traits and I’m ashamed…but i’m also not a liar.

Fuck: Andie Macdowell
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I can’t say I’ve ever been too attracted to Andie Macdowell. She’s made a career of being the sweet and relatable pretty southern lady that dates dudes in their 40’s. As a man inching towards my 40’s, I suppose it’s time I submit and just accept that Andie macdowell is a good pull for an older man (or, I should say, the Andie Macdowell of the 90’s). She’s certainly not an ugly lady. She’s very pretty in that “I don’t care what her vagina looks” kinda way. There’s a definite lack of sexual oomph from Mrs Macdowell. But, hey, if she’s good enough for Steve martin and Bill Murray (in movies), She’s surely good enough for me.

Marry: Mary Steenburgen
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Check this out…She’s low key kinda hot. Very low key. Look at the pic above. I bet you didn’t know that whole thing was working like that, did you? Not only that, as a wife, she seems like she’d be amazing. She’s sweet, warm and just looks like how I imagine a wife looks for an older man. She’s one of those older women who , as a younger man, you never even consider as “attractive” cause they’re so much older than you but, as a full grown adult, i can see it. She’s a sneaky one.

F/M/K Asia, Africa, Europe (the continents, not 80s bands)

Marry: Europe
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So, yeah…I’mma marry Europe. Why? Cause I’m of european descent , I’ve been there a bunch of times and it makes sense to me. I’m sure there are a grip of you out there fondling your lame dicks to the idea of marrying Asia (cause you’re asia-phile creeps) but, to me, I’m all about comfort and simplicity. I may not understand what people are saying in many parts of europe but, for the most part, it still feels like planet earth to me. The signs are in english letters (Except far east), the food is amazing and varied , and the women are just like the food. I dunno if i could ever truly live in another country but , if I did, it would undoubtedly be somewhere in europe.

Fuck: Asia
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I really don’t have a deep desire to go anywhere in Asia. Not saying I wouldn’t, but there’s nothing in me that’s dying to get out there. It should also be noted that I’m also not a person who loves traveling. I do it so much in my normal life that the thrill is gone. That said, I’d do it. So “Fucking” asia makes perfect sense. I’d be most excited about the food cause, let’s face it, asian food is pretty much the best. Other then that, I’m far too much a creature of comfort to ever truly feel at home out there. I had enough trouble feeling chill in eastern europe , let alone a continent with like 100 billion people who don’t speak english and are constantly on the go. Admittedly, I’m the selfish asshole here and i bet the continent of asia is fucking amazing but, hey, no ones perfect.

Kill: Africa
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This one is just setting me up for a backlash. It’s a lose/lose.
I just wanna clarify that Africa is the mother of civilization and , in many ways, the most important continent in earth’s history. None of us would be here without Africa. But this isn’t about history. It’s about the reality of what place ‘d want to marry, fuck or kill. I have ZERO interest ever going there. I’m simply just not that kind of adventurous dude. Some people want to explore foreign lands and experience other cultures. Me? i just wanna eat good food and take it easy. I mean, perhaps if I was a wild life enthusiast or something but, I’m not. I think that Africa is just place that doesn’t speak to my personal interests. All the good things about it are things that don’t really excite me as a destination. Also, civil unrest and disease are not my bag so, regrettably, I would have to kill africa.

Answers for Questions vol. 208

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Helllooooooo. Welcome to another edition of “Answers for questions”. You ask it, i do my best to tell you how I feel about that. If you’d like to ask me anything, my ears are always open. Leave questions in the comment section below or email them to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com. All I ask is that you try and keep it interesting. If your questions sound like something a college journalist might ask me in 2005, skip that question.
Oh, side note, I’ll be hitting the south for some shows this week from thursday to sunday. If you live in or near Ashville, Atlanta, Pensacola or Jacksonville, come see your boy. Peep my facebook page (The real blockhead) for more info. Shut out to all the heads I saw in the midwest this past week. Thanks for coming out and getting down with your boyeeeeee.
Okay? Okay. Here’s this weeks batch…

Hopefully this is one that you’ve never gotten before. I know you do DJ sets for clubs and festivals; would you ever DJ a wedding? I ask this because I’m getting married next year and one of my only fears about it is getting stuck with a corny DJ who plays some bullshit that we hate all night. One of the solutions I came up with was finding a DJ whose work I am familiar with and respect but that pretty much just leaves hip hop DJs that are pretty well-known. Two problems that may arise would be 1: it would probably be cost-prohibitive, and 2: I don’t know if any respectable DJ would even do it. It really seems like the kind of thing that you get stuck with some dipshit who inevitably starts playing country songs and shitty dance songs that we’re not interested in. We are getting married in New Jersey so I’d imagine that only compounds the problem. I’m not asking you if you would DJ for MY wedding but would you ever DJ a wedding? Do you think any DJ with an ounce of taste would do it, or is it too cheesy? I really just don’t want people doing the Electric Slide and singing Sweet Caroline at my shit.

I have never DJ’d a wedding and I don’t think I ever would. Not cause I 100% wouldn’t want to but cause I’m simply not a competent DJ. The only real djing I’ve done has been low key nights at bars/lounges that were very low pressure and I could pretty much play what I want. That also required no mixing or blending skills. Beyond that, though, I kinda hate djing for crowds cause crowds generally have a certain taste in music that does no coincide with my own.
But, to remove myself from this equation and answer your question, you have a few options.
1)Fuck a dj. Make your own playlist and simply have someone press play and stop when it’s needed. That way, you pick the music and vibe of what’s going on. Sure, having someone Dj may make people more likely feel like it’s a party but, if you’re avoiding a crowd favorite playing dj , that’s clearly not an issue for you.
2)Hire someone you know and specifically tell them the kind of stuff you wanna hear and don’t wanna hear. I know a bunch of people who have done this and it’s worked fine. This person you hire doesn’t need to be Kid Capri. He can be any dude with a serviceable knowledge of how to use serato and a decent music collection.

Listen, by nature, Professional party Dj’s are whores. They will play what you want them to play if you’re the one paying them. So, if you hire some random dude and give him strict instructions, he will follow those instructions…cause it’s his job. I would only say that you need to keep in mind that, while this is your wedding, perhaps your parents and your wife’s parents might not wanna hear rap music all night. All I’m saying is consider all the other people as well. Having a few pop songs cued up for all the basic bitches in the wedding isn’t gonna kill you. After all, it’s a wedding. What could be more basic than that?

Sidenote: i’ve been asked to Dj a few weddings. Never said yes though cause…fuck all that.

If your farts had to sound like an animal, which animal sound would you prefer? Which would you not?

Fart question! poop questions younger and more wacky brother!
Anyway, I feel as if my farts already do sound like animals. Like the death wail of baby fawn. Incidentally, they can smell like that too.
I don’t think I’d want my farts to sound like a dog barking. That just seems like it would be explosive and mildly painful. I think I’d rather have them sound like a mellow cows “Mooooo” or maybe eve a kittens meow. how cute of a fart would that be? Though, in order for that to be possible my butthole would have to so tight I doubt any poop could ever get out.

Seeing as you’ve opened the floodgates to the bedroom producers with your Demo tape review, what are some common pitfalls or mistakes or just n00b-ass tendencies that the learning producer tends to make? How can one sharpen his or her ear to the sounds of n00bishness?
I’d say the most common is sending in a demo before you’re ready. I mean this in the broader sense too. Like, if you’ve been making music for 6 months, play it for friends and people around you. But it’s 99% of the time not gonna be ready for public consumption. So, a huge mistake people make is assuming just cause they create something, it’s special. It’s not. Instead of scrambling to get any sound you make get heard, keep working. Refine your skills. Shape your sound. If you’re making beats or rapping and you know , for a fact, that you sound like someone else, you’re not ready. Keep working until you’ve found your own voice…then let the world hear it. Like I said, play it for friends, get their opinions on it. Hopefully you have honest friends.
Another thing I would recommend is avoiding stock sounds. Not all stock sounds but ones that sound cheap. A huge complaint I have towards a bunch of the demo’s I receive is that the drum and synth sounds just sound weak or corny. I realize you work with what you’re given but there are ways around that. Effects you put on them. Tones that work better than others.
I come from an era of mining for your own drums sounds. We would chop up breaks to get a good kick sound. Or even sampling drums from other rap songs. So I have no patience for people settling on the flimsy drum sounds that come with whatever computer program you just bought. Drums are supposed to be a challenge. They often are what separate good producers from great producers. They took me YEARS to feel confidant about. Hell, I’d say i wasn’t confidant with my drums until after my first solo album…and I had been making beats for 10 years at that point.

What’s the weirdest/out there scene in a porno you remember viewing? This question is being asked with the knowledge that you’re “Mr. Meatn’Potatoes” and that you’ve never been into extreme porn.

“Viewing” is the keyword. I’ve seen some crazy porn in the “Hey dude, watch this fucked up porn video” kinda way. It’s never sexual and always terrible. Like japanese porn where they stuff squid into girls. There’s another famous one where a couple has sex on freshly killed bear. That was awful. Any porn that involves prolapsed anus’ is pretty much my nightmare.
But, in terms of my own viewing for pleasure, I steer clear of any of that shit and , generally, turn something off the second I see something brewing that might go in an unsavory direction.

Which is the best and worst MTV show of all time? Include an honorable mention, so that’s 3 choices in total.
Man, that’s tough. You got so many shows over the years. On one hand, you got stuff like Beavis and Butthead and Liquid TV but also a show like “The real world” pretty much changed TV as we know it.
On some cornball shit, I’m gonna say my #1 show of all time is “Yo!Mtv raps” simply cause it had a profound effect on my life. I used to rush home from school, watch “Video music box” (A local video show that actually far superior to “Yo!”), then watch “Yo!” and it was the best. I feel like , if they re-aired episodes now, I’d still watching it religiously.
As for the worst? It’s a tie between the ill fated “Lyricist Lounge” comedy show and Nick Cannon’s “Wild’n out”. Both these atrocities try to meld hip hop and humor in a way that makes me hate both hip hop and humor. You’d be hard pressed to find something less funny than either of these shows. Perhaps crib death or ethnic cleansing. In fact, if Nick cannon had a show called “Nick Cannon’s ‘Watch this crib death!’, it would only be slightly worse than “Wild’n out”.

What sorts of signals or characteristics does a woman give off that make a man think that she’s “a good time girl” in bed?

I don’t think there are certain things that always do. It’s really on a person to person basis. Like a hyper sexual flirty girl who dances provocatively may think she’s giving off that vibe but, in my experience, those girls are all talk and , more often than not, damaged goods. Same goes for girls who talk a lot of shit about sex. You know how many girls I’ve spoken too who say they give the best head? Tons. You know what the head game was like? Bullshit. The whole “All talk” angle is a very man like thing to do and , just like with men, it’s generally hallow and insecure.
I find the girls that I think would be the best in bed are actually people who are warm and kinda sweet. I know that sounds counterproductive in a way (cause “sweet” kinda can make you think they’ll be uptight) but , generally, a person who seems comfortable in their own skin and accepting of others read, to me, as someone who will be a good time. But, really, it’s hard to tell of characteristics cause the best lovers are people who truly enjoy the acts they’re doing. For a girl, to be into it is like 85% of the act , for men. No one wants to sleep with someone who’s not into it or is obviously not comfortable. Well, except rapists. Those pieces of shit clearly don’t care about all that.

I hooked up with Riff Raff Vol. 4

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You know, I kinda thought we were done here. I assumed the moment had passed and the wonderment of Riff Raff had finally simmered down. Since we last checked, the enigmatic rapper has released his first real album, has probably been touring relentlessly and it’s most likely a wealthy man. All I know for sure is that his Vine is still pretty funny.
Anyway, I got an email from a young lady the other day telling me she had just slept with Riff Raff the prior night. It was my first unsolicited admission, as all the others were arranged through people I actually knew. I was a little suspect and asked her if there is any way she could prove this wasn’t fake. She understood and sent me a screen cap of their twitter DM’s and, well, good enough for me. And , after reading her synopsis of the night, I 100% believe her. If nothing else, Riff Raff has proven to be consistent.
So, here’s what she sent me:
Well I’d always wanted to meet him and when he followed me I figured it was my chance. He’s really odd but attractive in a way and so he ended up texting me and said “hey”. I said “what’s up?”. He asked where I was at and I said my house, and he didn’t reply after that. Well, me and my girl were drinking and I hadn’t texted him again in a couple days. I didn’t wanna come off as like a crazy fan and Annoy him, ya know? So, I texted him a topless picture. kinda forward ,I know. Not my proudest moment but tequila makes ya risky. So, he asked where I was at and if I also had a friend I was bringing and asked for our instagrams and then proceeded to give us his address. He was staying at the veer. It’s really nice and hard to find. Definitely expensive. Finally, we find the place and get in. I call him and hand the phone to the clerk ,who lets us up ,and we get to his room. I was pretty drunk but he was a very chill person. Seemed careful though. For instance, once me and my girl got in , I charged my phone but she asked if she could take a picture and he tripped out a little bit. He has to keep his stuff private , you know? He didn’t like her very much after that so she went to wait in the lobby with her friend and left me alone. It was all very quick and I sucked him up for a little and he used a condom. It didn’t last very long as far as I remember but he asked to cum on my face and I let him ,which I never do. lol. After I hopped in his shower real quick and he had somewhere to go maybe a club? And I left with my friend it wasn’t a very long visit he was very chill with me tho

So there you have it. I think the highlight for me is that he asked to see their instagrams. Smart man. Surely, a man who has had his share of unwanted surprises, when it comes to female guests. Also, the sexual description really cracked me up to. Just so direct. I don’t think I’ve ever heard a sexual tryst described like “I sucked him him up for a little and he used a condom”.
Anyway, I asked this girl to answer some more questions and she was kind enough to oblige.
Here those are:

Have you hooked up with other famous people?

No actually this was the first time

How quickly did he get into it once your friends left? was it assumed that it was on?

Yeah definitely after our texts and right away.

What made you let him cum in your face (cause you mentioned you don’t usually do that)? Just for the experience ,going with the flow or something else?

The experience mainly I thought it was pretty hilarious plus my really drunken state made me say yeah easier

What was the drug situation like that night, for both of you?

None for me and honestly as far as I know he could have been sober.

Is this the kinda experience you will tell future boyfriends about?

If they are the chill type I think it would be a cool story but definitely depends on the person.

Did you find him to be respectful or business like in how he went about the whole thing?

Both. he was really chill but we were both there for one thing

Would you do it again?

Yeah if he’s down

Would you ever date a guy like riff raff seriously?

No I don’t think so I’d honestly have to get to know him better but he’s really odd and way older

Do you consider his persona to be real or put on for the public?

Real lol

RIFF