“I sucked my own dick” Vol. 2


About a month ago, somehow the topic of men performing oral sex on ones self came up. It’s always been something that I assumed no one really did but, like so many other things, it turns out I was terribly mistaken. Apparently, dudes do it all the time. Granted, most of them are feverishly horny teenagers (I’d imagine a casting call for “I fucked a pumpkin” would yield similar results) but still…more than I expected. To me, it’s never been something I’ve even considered. Beyond the idea of having any dick in my mouth (including my own), the flexibility or comfort of the act just seems too difficult. So, i put out the question on social media. “Have you sucked your own dick? Tell me about it…”. Within 3 hours I had like 4 or 5 responses. The first three I posted about HERE. I wasn’t even planning on doing two volumes of this but, fuck it, I had three left over and it’s not like this who concept is any less compelling than it was a month ago. So, dig in and enjoy my interviews with 3 guys who put their own penis’s in their mouth and sucked.

Interviewee #1
Are you straight/gay/bi or other?

I am straight. I did make out with the one openly gay kid in my rural high school once in an effort to make sure I wasn’t blocking something I might enjoy out of my life because of social norms, but as it turns out I just really dig females.

Had you sucked another persons dick prior to sucking your own?

I had never sucked another person’s dick prior to sucking my own, nor, in fact, had I had my own dick sucked. I received my first blow job from myself.

Was the stretching part of move difficult and did it inhibit your movement?

The stretching was incredibly difficult. I was about 15 at and was on the wrestling team at the time, so I was the most flexible I’ve ever been in my life, but it was still a monumental task. I’ve always been a pretty skinny guy, and my dick has been about 7” erect since puberty, but it was still so hard to get that fucker in my mouth that I almost gave up several times. I eventually succeeded by lying on my back, stacking several pillows under my head, then throwing my legs up over my head such that my knees touched the ground on the other side of it. While this did achieve the primary goal of getting my dick in my mouth, it set the stage for a terrible blow job given that I couldn’t really move my head or hips and could only even get my hand on my dick with great effort.

if you’re a straight man, do you think you intuitively knew how to suck a dick just based on what you’d seen and knowing what you like?

I am now 30 years old, so when I was 15 internet porn was practically nonexistent (or at least not feasible to view via dial-up), and I had never had my dick sucked before, so my entire concept of what a blowjob was supposed to be came from the three or four Ron-Jeremy-as-a-fit-young-man-era Betamax pornos I had snuck from my Dad’s stash. I had no fucking idea what I was doing.

Did you do it more than once? If so, how many times

I did it only once, because it turned out to be sincerely unpleasant and exponentially more difficult than the well practiced and reliable act of jerking off.

How would you describe your dicks taste? and did that taste linger in your mouth well after the deed was finished?

It tasted like mildly dirty salt – like someone wore a pair of socks for, like, 30 minutes, dipped their feet in the dead sea, then wrung the sock out and poured that liquid on a fat man’s finger then stuck it in my mouth. The texture was the weirdest part – I could only really get the first three inches or so in my mouth so there was this extremely taught skin towards the back of my mouth then the foreskin was right around the tip of my tongue and lips, so the contrast between the two was pretty strange.

Did you cum? If so, where? In your own mouth, in your face or elsewhere (please specify where)

To this day I’m not really sure how I managed to cum in this terribly uncomfortable and unsexy position with no visual aids, but I did. I came in my own mouth. Eventually, when I realized that my head had no range of motion, I slid my right hand up into this human pretzel I had created and was able to get a few fingers wrapped around the exposed shaft. I only had about 1/2” range of motion in my hips and another 1/2” range of motion in my wrist, so I kind of fucked my own mouth through my hand in shallow thrusts until I came.

I didn’t particularly even want to come in my own mouth, but there was no other option as I didn’t have the range of motion to pull out or really move at all. That taste was horrible, and I have always sincerely thanked women after blowjobs because I remember the terrible consistency and feeling of that moment and understand what a sacrifice they’re really making.

Are you good at sucking dick?

Perhaps I would be if given a sexual preference for men and a dick to suck that was not my own, but based on the evidence at hand: absolutely not.

Do you consider sucking your own dick a homosexual act? please elaborate why, either way.

Not at all. If giving myself a handjob multiple times a day for my entire post-pubescent life isn’t a homosexual act, then putting in the (ultimately misguided) effort to step my self-pleasuring game up by sucking my own dick certainly isn’t. We all want to fiddle with our own dicks, and how we decide to do that has no bearing on what we fantasize about while we do it.

Did you feel any guilt about doing it afterwards?

I felt no guilt, and no regret either, just general unpleasantness as I realized I had a mouthful of my own cum and was in a position that it would turn out to take almost 20 seconds to maneuver my way out of. I think we (men) all know how sometimes you get all wound up about something sexual, then in that moment after orgasm you’re like “wait, what the fuck did I just do and why did I want it so badly?” It was that.

Do you feel as though you give better head to yourself than any other person (male or female)?

I have only gotten worse head once or twice in my life, and each time it was due to a painful accident of some sort; hit a pothole during roadhead type shit. On the whole, my first blowjob, the one I gave myself, was the worst head of my life.

Have you told others about this?

I have told many, many people about this. Probably not in as much detail, but that’s only because they weren’t asking the right questions I guess. In fact, the only reason I was aware of your interview request is that a friend sent me a screenshot of your twitter post asking for volunteers with the words “DO IT” underneath.

I’d be surprised if anyone who knows me well read this interview and didn’t know exactly who you’d been talking to.

Would you recommend this to your friends?

I would absolutely recommend getting interviewed by Blockhead about blowing yourself to any of my dick-bearing friends. However, I cannot in good faith recommend blowing yourself in the first place.

Interviewee #2
Are you straight/gay/bi or other?

Had you sucked another persons dick prior to sucking your own?
Nope l, was about 12 when I was able to do it.

Was the stretching part of move difficult and did it inhibit your movement?
It took about two weeks to get close enough to just barely touch it, and a month to actually get past the head.
It fucked my back up so bad I had to go to the chiropractor for weeks afterward.

if you’re a straight man, do you think you intuitively knew how to suck a dick just based on what you’d seen and knowing what you like?
Na, it was terrible. I felt more like I had a dick in my mouth than my dick getting  sucked. Whackness.

Did you do it more than once? If so, how many times
A few times. Didn’t really thrill me so I gave up.

How would you describe your dicks taste? and did that taste linger in your mouth well after the deed was finished?
Like a salty finger.

Did you cum? If so, where? In your own mouth, in your face or elsewhere (please specify where)
No, it was painful and awkward just to do it.

Are you good at sucking dick? 

Do you consider sucking your own dick a homosexual act? please elaborate why, either way.
It’s like masturbating with your mouth and also your neck feels like it’s gonna snap.

Did you feel any guilt about doing it afterwards? 
I don’t know the meaning of the word.

Do you feel as though you give better head to yourself than any other person (male or female)?
I perform way better in the prone position.

Have you told others about this?
Only close friends and strangers when I’m drunk.

Would you recommend this to your friends.
Absolutely not.

Interviewee #3
Are you straight/gay/bi or other?


Had you sucked another persons dick prior to sucking your own?


Was the stretching part of move difficult and did it inhibit your movement?

Yes, absolutely. I laid on my back, on my bed, and curled my pelvis towards my head, with my head resting against some pillows. Essentially, the weight of my body was resting on my neck and shoulders. I was able to get the head of the penis and about 1/3rd of the shaft into my mouth; not much room to move my head or neck, and definitely no deep throating. I basically had to put in some serious work with my tongue and lips in order to get the nutt.

if you’re a straight man, do you think you intuitively knew how to suck a dick just based on what you’d seen and knowing what you like?

Yeah, it’s pretty intuitive. Since it was my own penis I was sucking, I could immediately tell what felt good and what didn’t, so I kept going with what felt good.

Did you do it more than once? If so, how many times

Only twice. After the second time, I had gotten over it. It loses its mystique. The position you have to be in is pretty uncomfortable; it’s way easier/more efficient to just jerk off. Sure, it was kinda fun and crazy to have my own dick in my mouth, but it didn’t feel THAT good. I’d way rather have someone else suck my dick or just give myself a handjob.

How would you describe your dicks taste? and did that taste linger in your mouth well after the deed was finished?

It tasted kinda sweaty. I don’t remember the taste lingering. I’m pretty sure I briefly washed it before the sucking commenced. But yeah it tastes pretty much like having any other body part in your mouth. Lots of skin.

Did you cum? If so, where? In your own mouth, in your face or elsewhere (please specify where)

The first time I came on my chin. The second time, I ALMOST came in my mouth, but I chickened out at the last minute and came on my chin. I immediately regretted this decision, because I thought the story would be way more entertaining if I nutted in my own mouth, and I was also genuinely curious as to what it feels like to have nutt in your mouth. So at that point I figured I had already gone as far as to suck my own dick, what’s the harm in tasting some cum? So I picked the cum up off my chin with my hand and put it in my mouth. It was very bland, not much flavor at all. When I told my friends the story, I modified it and said I nutted in my mouth. That was a lie. It made for a better story though.

Are you good at sucking dick?

Not really

Do you consider sucking your own dick a homosexual act? please elaborate why, either way.

No. Think about it: if you’re a man, masturbating is basically like giving yourself (a dude) a handjob. Does that make masturbation a homosexual act?

Did you feel any guilt about doing it afterwards?

No. Right before I did it though, there was a brief moment where I thought “is this gay? should I feel weird about this? does this make me gay?” But I quickly *came* to the conclusion that it’s my own body, so I can do whatever the fuck I want with it, and if I wanna suck my own dick, I will. I’m not homophobic whatsoever, and I’m pretty secure in my sexuality, so I didn’t see any reason to feel bad about sucking my own dick.

Do you feel as though you give better head to yourself than any other person (male or female)?

Absolutely not. Like I mentioned before, my accessiblity was extremely limited. Although I did get instantanous feedback as to what felt good and what didn’t, so I suppose that was a slight advantage.

Have you told others about this?


Would you recommend this to your friends?

It’s worth a shot. Who knows, you might like it! But I’m assuming 99% of my friends wouldn’t be physically capable of sucking their own dick. But hey, try it out! Maybe you’ll be able to do it. It makes for a good interview on a blog run by a niche hip-hop producer ;-)
(no shots fired, I love your music and this blog.)

I made an “I can’t feel my face” remix for fun


In an effort to both amuse myself and stay sharp, I’ve been dabbling with some remixes of famous pop songs lately. A few weeks ago, it was “Bitch betta have my money” and now, it is The Weeknd’s mega hit “I can’t feel my face”. I can’t stress how fun these remixes are to do. Partially cause it’s just fun to play around with these types of vocals but also cause of the rag eit can bring out of purist music snobs. But ,Seriously. I would do only stuff like this if i had a choice cause I love taking a song and making it something very different.
Anyway, check it out…download it from soundcloud. Tell a friend.

Thanks again to Sam Woolley for the artwork. It’s a good look for me, no?

Answers for questions vol. 259

Howdy. Welcome to this weeks, answers for questions. You asked so, like the polite man I am, I answered. If you’d like to ask me anything, DO IT! Get creative! Get weird! email me questions to: phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comment section below. There’s a 98% acceptance rate with these questions so do you worst or best.
Let’s see what this week has in store…

you know how weirdoes upload 12 hour vids to youtube of a gif or short clip on a loop? imagine some saudi oil baron’s 16 year old kid is planning to post one, and the kid is a fan of yours and wants to pay you $1 million for a blockhead original to go w the vid. but the song has to be 12 hours long too, and it can’t loop. it has to have a coherent subject and structure w fresh progressions and unique lyrics in every verse. but it can be about any subject you choose, bc the vid is prob just 12 hours of he-man laughing against a rainbow backdrop. for $1M, do you take the job? what topic do you make the song about? and who do you get to rap on it?
A 12 hour song? That’s insane. That’s like over 12 albums. It would take me years to make that and , as good as the money is, I honestly don’t think I could do it. Especially having it all be coherent. I’m simply not that driven to ever sit down and finish a project like that, ESPECIALLY, if it’s just for a youtube loop video. But, if i did do it, I’d have only one rapper on it: Phife from A Tribe Called Quest. Just let him spit every verse he’s ever written over the beats. That would just be hilarious to subject people to.

Back to my royalties question. Are you able to break down *how* you make money? You’ve been in the producing game for quite awhile. Especially in an industry that will turn against you (more likely your music) in a heartbeat. I’m assuming that everyone who reads your blog really digs your music. You deserve to have the world listen to you. But….they don’t. So, you’ve stayed relatively consistent for over 15 years making music? Can you break down how you’re getting paid?
I make most of my money from touring nowadays. That’s the biggest chunk of my income. Aside from that, royalties (on solo work and stuff with other artists), publishing and random little freelance stuff I get , round out my entire income. Every year is different. Some years I make a good 30 k more than I did the last year. It all depends. I don’t know what I’m gonna make one year to the next. Contrary to popular belief, I make enough money to live off of but I’m hardly raking in the dough. I think people assume that anyone making music for a living is automatically rich , which is hilarious. I’m good but I’m also careful about money. I always have been like that.

What do you predict will be the some of the most copied halloween costumes this year?
Caitlyn Jenner will be #1 and people are gonna have a meltdown over it.
I’m guessing Trump will be a big one this year. That’s lazier than wearing a “scream” mask, in my opinion. I’m sure there will even be “sexy trump” which will be a girl wearing lingerie with a trump wig on. Political people, in general, will be big. Hillary clinton, Bernie sanders. They’ll all be well worn territory.
I could see a lot of people dressing up like the Weeknd. Pretty much anyone who’s entire costume depends on a simple wig is always a good bet.
I could see a bunch of Duggar family based costumes. Like one guy with like 50 baby dolls attached to him. Or a walking “Ashley Madison” profile.
All this is making me think what I’m gonna be this year cause, last year, i killed it when I went as this random puppet i found at a store:

Me and my buddy love the Party Fun Action Committee album, and it would make my year to hear another one. But I get that you and Jer were just messing around back n da daiz, so I’m not getting my hopes up. But still, if you were to lampoon rap now, which rappers would you tackle? Any particular songs or styles?
I’ve thought about that a lot and , honestly, i think part of the reason it wouldn’t happen again is that I no longer am that tuned into music like I was back then. I wouldn’t know what to make fun of. I mean, sure, we could do a take off on the auto tune special ed raps trend, the silly make up dance move rap trend, the emmitt Otter jug band ass hipster music trend, the EDM dj shit…There’s lots to play with but I don’t feel as locked in to making fun of those genre’s as I did back when we did PFAC. Back then, MTV was still a force. We know how to make fun of Limp Bizkit cause it was on tv all the time. Now , it’s almost like the net is too wide to even really focus on one thing.

How tired are you of people just not accepting that you don’t dig your own style of music? I feel like every episode or two there’s a person trying to maneuver you into the instrumental music scene…
I mean, it’s to be expected. I think people who like certain artists tend to think those artists are going to share the same taste as them. it happens to me all over. Like people assume cause of the people I’ve worked with, that I’m partial to a particular kind of rap when I’m not into it at all.
The whole shock in peoples faces when they hear I don’t really fuck with any instrumental music is so common that it doesn’t even phase me anymore. I feel as though, there’s a decent portion of my fans who A) don’t really understand that I’m older and just don’t have time or interest to keep up with everything out there and B)I’m a rap guy. Sure, I make this kind of solo music but my roots and interest are firmly planted in hip hop. So, electronica isn’t really on my radar. Simply put, i greatly prefer music with vocalists.
it is funny though cause, when I tell people that, their immediate reaction is to try and put me on to some shit that will change my mind. Like “I know you’re not into this genre but have you hear “_______”??!?!”. As if, I’m not a fully formed adult with very particular tastes in music that have been shaped over the course of the last 30 plus years.

Is there anything wrong with saying “they’re going to get gay married”, or should you just say “they’re going to get married” now in 2015?
Is it wrong? I don’t give a shit. It’s just phrasing. Ideally, it should just be “They’re getting married” but if someone says it the other way, who cares? I could see it be like saying “They’re getting asian married” and how that may sit wrong with people but, to me, all that word policing PC bullshit is a waste of time. If someone is saying it in a derogatory way,then they’re an asshole. If they’re just saying it cause they didn’t know better? Life goes on. People are such unbelievable pussies about this kind of stuff nowadays and it actually bums me out. It’s like context doesn’t even matter.

Yay or Nay? Woke (Fly-lo, Shabazz Palaces, Thundercat)

Screen shot 2015-09-30 at 9.29.14 AM
Supergroups come in all shapes and sizes. Often the sum of their parts is greater than the whole, though. Expectations can hurt cause people see a line up of familiar names and get excited. Recently, Flying Lotus, Shabazz Palaces an Thundercat have joined forces for a project called “WOKE”. Now, on paper, this is a very sexy looking trio. A great producer, a great rapper and a great bassist/singer. On top of that, there’s the weirdo factor. All three of these guys are outside the box and the thought of them joining forces really is wide open. They could do so much. It’s almost hard to even guess where a project like this could go.
So, the first song leaks and it features George Clinton. That’s pretty big. The question is, can all these forces combine and create something great? Can they live up to the impossibly high standards a project like this sets by even existing? You tell me.

What do you think? You can pick more than one answer.

Defending my Tweet Vol. 16

I tweet. It’s a thing. Sometimes, 141 characters isn’t enough to truly say what I want to say. for times like that, I come here and really just air out my rants. It’s a good exercise in exorcism. Sometimes I need to explain my case with more clarity, other times I simply need to expand on a thought. So, this is that. Allow me to defend my tweets…

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It’s true, all things are not black and white. As much as I’d like to be able to generalize for our entire species , some things I deem to be a constant are not what they seem. For example, being stuck in the friendzone. It’s a location most people have been forced into in their lives and no one is ever too psyched about it. On one hand, you want to have sex with this “friend” of yours. On the other, they look at you as a person who has a fleshy patch of skin where your genitals should be. It’s not an easy task to prove them wrong. Some guys are persistent and are willing to wait it out just in case. And I mean years. Decades. Just on that off chance of a night where the girl they’ve been secretly pining for will stop confiding to them about her other boyfriends and start looking at him like a person of sexual value. Now, I get why guys do this but it does undermine the entire point of a “friendship” (and I’m not one of those people who think men and women can’t actually be friends. I don’t think it’s common and balanced as some but it certainly does exist). But , to simply stick around a girl you wanna have sex with for years, masquerading as a “friend” just based on the chance you might one day get to put your penis in them…it’s just a testament to us men in general. Time is of no importance. Are priorities are less than admirable. We’re kinda the worst.
In my mind, the friendzone was always a place with very little wiggle room. I’ve had sex with female friends but , in those cases, I was never really in the friendzone. Sure, at times I felt like it but there was always an air of “eh, this could happen”. No one told me “You’re like a brother to me!” as my soul slowly crumpled up in a little ball the house at the end of “Poltergeist”. But, like I said, I always viewed being in the friendzone as lifetime location. Then, alone comes Quintin Tarantino and he shatters all I ever believed in.
Here is a man who first casted Uma Thurman in a movie in 1994. At the time he was the hottest new director in hollywood who had just made his most beloved movie , “Pulp Fiction” in which Thurman starred in. My timeline could be off but I’m pretty sure she was already married to Ethan Hawke at the time. Tarantino, who is a great director is also a total fucking nerd. Hearing the guy talk makes me wanna put on a football jersey and throw him in a locker. But he’s a brilliant guy so it somewhat evens it out. I gotta think, back then, he was obsessed with Thurman. I bet he was he buddy on set. Her “Work husband”, as it were. She probably though he was a sweet and funny guy. Her pal! The movie became a classic and 10 years later, he had her play the lead role in the Kill Bill movies. Still friends. Probably REALLY good friends. By this time, she’s divorced and he’s probably dating some quiet asian woman. Still, “Kill Bill” always seemed like an homage to Uma from Quinton. His admiration for her jumps off the screen. I’m sure he relentlessly flirted on set and she pretended she didn’t realize it was flirting , writing it off as “Quintin being Quintin!”.
But, something after that happened…Something changed. 10 years later they were seen “canoodling”. That means “They fuckin’, bro” , in press language. Now, neither person admits this happened and scoffed at the idea but, you know what? i think he broke the matrix on this one. I don’t know how…but I think he did. And that’s just the amount of false hope anyone who’s ever been in the friendzone needs to keep plugging away for another 20 years. Godspeed, friendzoned people. Maybe your time will come one day. It only took Q-dawg two decades but I’m sure the pay off was great.

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It’s funny how random animals can become popular out of nowhere. Remember when Meerkat’s were a thing? Or what about baby seals? Pretty much any cute animal will have it’s time in the spotlight. Sure, they may not read buzzfeed’s “Top 46 most cutest ocelots” list but it exists.
So, in the last 5 years, sloths have began to see their star brighten. This has been to my joy cause I’ve always been a big sloth fan. Not only are they cute but I respect their lifestyle. But, I feel like the guy who liked the band before they got popular. I was riding for sloths in 7th grade. I learned about them when I gave a speech about them in class. I did the work. I went to the library (this was before the internet), I found the Encyclopedia S book. I plagiarized the entire thing and then read it to my class. That’s what we did back then. But, while I was doing this, i realized that I actually was interested in sloths. What I had learned about them made me like them. Like, did you know they can swim fast? How about: when they die, if they’re hanging in a tree, they will remain there for two weeks. Yes, they hang there, dead for two weeks until their grip finally loosens and they fall to the rain forest floor. How awesome is that? Like, you could be walking through a forest and a two week dead sloth could just fall on you. Gotcha! Sloths are so wacky.
I have a framed photo of a sloth on the wall of my apartment. I’ve had it since I was a kid. I own multiple sloth t-shirts. I’m really bout this sloth life, guys, So, to see all these “baby sloth’s take a bath!” videos that pop up on my facebook feed leaves me with mixed feelings. On one hand, I’m happy to see more sloths but , on the other, it’s like they’re no longer just my thing anymore. They’ve….sold out. Well, not them…but they’ve been exploited by the media. Soon, they’ll be wearing sunglasses at night and mailing in their cute photo ops. Man…what a bummer.

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On twitter, you get notified every time a person of status follows you. About once every two weeks, my phone will buzz and I’ll look down to see something like “DJ Swingout has followed you!” Who? So, i go look and see that a guy I have never heard of who has 50,000 followers just followed me. Weird. Upon closer inspection, it turns out he follows 45,000 people. Upon either closer inspection, his 50,000 followers don’t give a fuuuuuuuuck about him. No retweets. No favorites. He basically has assembled a bot army to , perhaps, show some promoter at a club who will hire him off the strength of his twitter follows.
Now, I see this a few ways. Buying followers is corny and pathetic but I get why people do it. Twitter actually does somehow have weight. Especially for dj’s and entertainers. But the whole idea of following all those people is insane to me. Like, I follow less than 300 people and my timeline is a mess. If you follow 5000 people, that shit must be completely useless. No sane person who actually uses their twitter or instagram can possibly be okay with that. Only a desperate person or a fake person could handle such a ridiculous timeline. Not to mention, there’s an air of exclusivity to people who don’t follow EVERYONE. It makes them seem more, dare I say, human. And i feel as though all those people these fake dj’s are trying to get jobs from might take notice of that.
Now, there are exceptions. Lil B, Riff Raff, Taye Diggs. All those dudes took a “follow them all back” approach. They’re all established and , I’m assuming, never check their timelines in general. In fact, they seem like dudes who probably only use their dm’s, if you know what I mean. But the point is, people know who they are. If you have a million followers on a social network and you’re name draws a blank on a google search, what’s really good?
This business is tough and people have to do what they gotta do but, goddamn, have some self respect. I’m talking to you DJ Snapback and DJ Angel heart. Those aren’t real people but they might as well be.

Answers for questions vol. 258

How bout some bunnies on a monday?!?!
Hi there everyone. Welcome to another edition of “Answers for questions”! You ask me anything, and I will try my best to give you my answer. I always need more questions to get creative and shoot me some shit. Send questions to phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave the questions in the comment section below.
This week is a funny batch cause there are a LOT of tinder related questions. I didn’t ask for them but they came. I did my best to be honest.

Have any of your Tinder dates gone awry (just go horribly, been catfished, etc.)?

I haven’t had many dates from tinder yet. But the few I did went fine. To be honest, Tinder has led to way more “texting with girls” than it has actual hanging out. I think everyone on both sides is generally a little more careful about actually putting themselves out there for a real meet up situation.
As for catfishing…I’ve come across a lot of spam account but this one time I was writing with this girl and she was like “Hey, I’m about to close my Tinder profile, find me on facebook so we can keep talking…”
I was like “okay” but , when I thought about it for a second , it made no sense for her to literally cancel her entire tinder profile at that very moment. I got curious as to what was going on so I followed up on Facebook. She was foreign, so her english was kind of iffy. We were talking and I think I said something like “I’m glad you’re not a fake account cause i’ve come across those before” and she started acting really weird. I don’t know if , perhaps, she was lost in translation but she kept being like “You’re being weird…”. I was not at all being weird. In fact, I was being super polite and trying to explain what I meant and how it wasn’t a harmful comment. But, the more I did that, the more she was like “This makes me uncomfortable!” and eventually she just unfriended me and blocked me. It was bizarre. I gotta think something was going on over there but I never figured it out. People are so crazy on the internet you can’t really put anything past anyone.

What’s your approach on Tinder? Do you have just a normal selfie? Do you have pictures of you with cute little animals like puppies or kittens? Do you have you being all athletic? etc. etc.
I don’t do any of that shit. I have normal photos of me being normal. A few of them are on the funny side of things.
I gotta say, the longer I’ve been on it the less seriously I take it. Which says a lot cause I never took it that seriously to begin with. I look at it far less now than I did when I first got on it. It kinda just becomes stale after a while. Nowadays, I use iy to pass time while I’m shitting. I barely swipe right on anyone and don’t go in with any intentions of ever talking to anyone. I mean if I match and someone hollers at me, sure but that doesn’t really happen. So, I’d say my approach is one of a person who doesn’t really give a shit about it anymore.

Yo Block, not to beat a dead horse about the whole Tinder thing, but have any women on there recognized you as Blockhead? If so, what have the conversations been like? Also, are you looking forward to touring as a single man again?
I just want to point out that all three of these questions came from separate people , in this order. I didn’t ask for Tinder related questions. It’s actually amazing so many readers could be so linked up in their train of thought.
I haven’t had many people recognize me as “Blockhead” on tinder. I certainly don’t promote myself on there. But, thing is, I’m only dealing with people I match with and that in itself is a rarity so the pool is already pretty shallow. A few girls I spoke to , when the conversation comes around to what we do for a living, have been like “Oh, no way! I’ve heard of you…” once I tell them who I am but, for the most part, nobody knows or cares.

As for touring as a single man…yeah, I am looking forward to it. Kinda scared to be honest cause I have only been really single once in my life while touring and never in the way I tour now. I’m more curious of how it’s gonna work and how I will react to it. Part of me is excited and ready to be a debauched scum bag but the other part of me is somewhat realistic and knows that I do have a ceiling to how wild I can get and what my comfort zone is. I’m too old for after parties and chasing ass till 6 am after a show. I suppose there will have to be a happy medium. Funny thing is, as you get older with touring, sleep is more important than anything so I can definitely see myself passing up opportunities in exchange for a full nights rest.

Where you there the night referenced by aesop rock on “Tv On 10″? That shit’s crazy. The closest experience i have to that is my wife telling me her dad died that night suddenly. We were thirty-ish. I can’t imagine at 18. ” holey fucking shit”

That was at my house. I am “Tony” in that song. A little background on it…
A bunch of people were hanging out at my place. My spot was pretty much a clubhouse back then. People would come over smoke weed, get fucked up and just chill till late. That particular day, there were 5 people hanging. Just taking bong hits and watching tv. Aes was there, among others. At some point, a news report pops on the screen about a swiss air plane crash in Nova scotia. We didn’t think much about it so we kept switching the channels. As some point, another friend says “hmm…my mom was on a swiss air flight…” All of us, who were stoned and dumb, we like “Nah, it wasn’t her plane it crashed in Nova Scotia” (stoner logic: Planes only crash where they’re flying to). But, cause he was curious we kept watching the news. As details leaked out, it started to seem like his worry was actual possible. He went into my bedroom and called his dad. He was in there for like 45 minutes and all of us started feeling uneasy. It became clear that this was actually happening. It was one of the most fucked up situations I have ever been involved in. He came eventually out the bedroom, visibly shaken and was like “Yo, I gotta go…” hopped on his bike and left. The rest of us were just left there with out mouths open asking “What the fuck just happened?”. It was awful.

7 years ago while I was in high school I rocked the freshest shirts. Always would buy xl because I was raised with the baggy look even though my friends drifted towards the skinny slim fit style.

Fast forward 7 years to the present, I’m 6’0″ 170 lbs and I’ve entered the professional world. In an effort to look more “put together” I started wearing size L. Thing is With my body shape and the combined 0 minutes of daily exercise, my beer belly and slight figure of man boobs shows through the size L. Now the easy answer is jog for 20 minutes and do some push-ups fatty, but I don’t see that happening,

Is it a better look to wear a tighter fitting L and let my luscious lumps peak through? Or wear the baggier XL and look for lesser words like a “slob”?

I mean…damned if you do damned if you don’t. Wearing tight shit that shows off your pear body isn’t gonna do much for you but being the baggy shirt wearing guy in 2015 is gonna have a similar effect. I’d say you have to wear what you’re more comfortable in. Both are problematic but , at the very least, if you’re wearing the baggy shirts, you feel a little less self conscious all the time.
But, seriously, take some pride in yourself and exercise. If it’s bad now , you don’t wanna see what happens when you’re in your 30’s. You’re in your mid 20’s now. That weight will fly off if you apply yourself a little. A beer belly is one thing but tits on a dude are a dangerous thing to have at your age.

You’re a very good writer. Did you become a good writer by reading a lot? Or would you say it all just comes naturally to you?

Can’t tell if this question is being snarky or if it’s actually a compliment.
But, i can tell you, I do not read a lot. Never have. My relationship with reading is a turbulent one. Well, for one, reading killed my father. Just kidding. No, but seriously, reading has never really taken for me. I mean, I can read. I’m capable of it but , in general, I get bored very easily. When I have read books, I don’t get any joy out them. They feel like a task. I’ll be reading a page and my mind with start drifting. five minutes will pass and I will have read a few pages and have no idea what happened cause I was essentially just reading words without absorbing any of their meaning cause my mind was elsewhere. Even when I have gotten through books, I never really feel one way or another. I generally forget them within minutes of putting them down. I don’t know what it is. I used to think it was cause I had A.D.D. but , the reality is, I’m capable of focusing when I want to. I just don’t ever want to when it comes to sitting down and cracking open a book.
So, the way I write is pretty much how I think. That’s probably why these columns can be so meandering and full of errors. I’m not basing my style of writing on the work of others and i have very little to compare and contrast with. So, for better or worse, I write like this.

Would you rather eat a plate full of hair or a plate full of scabs. Both are your own.
If they are my own, I’mma go with scabs. As gross as it is, hair would just be too hard to eat, chew and swallow. Scabs at least would be easier to put down. I could just take them down like dry ass oysters. Also, as a kid, I’m pretty sure I ate a scab or two. They were salty. I could handle that.

Demo Reviews Vol. 73

Hi! Welcome to another edition of “Demo reviews”. All you budding artists out there sent me your music so I could possibly shatter your dreams with my cynical and pointless opinion. If you’d like to submit a song, there are RULES. Read them in that link before you send me anything.
Anyway, the reviews work like so: I peep on song, write a paragraph of two about it then arbitrarily review it based on these four categories

Honestly, the rating don’t mean much but I know how people like numbers.
This weeks batch is actually pretty solid, including one of the better demo’s I’ve ever received. Don’t forget to vote for your favorite at the bottom. Game on.

Artist: Badd
Song: That’s him

I do love a good Ric Flair sample but this shit is just kinda boring. At first I hated the rapper but he says a few lines that cracked me up. At the same time, other lines had me blushing cause they were so corny.
The beat is…well…like nothing. Some soft drums with an 808 and a bass tone. It feels as if this song was meant to have a particular feel to it and it just missed the boat.
Production:3 out of 10
Vocals:4.5 out of 10
Listenability:4.5 out of 10
Originality:3 out of 10

Artist: Walkingshoe
Song:Nora Ft. yU

This is really dope. The beat is bugged out and spacey. Really well made. The rapper is good too. Great voice, nice flow and an overall nice presence.
It’s cool cause the production feels totally original when matched with these types of rap vocals. I actually wish it were longer. My only complaint is that the beat doesn’t switch up but that’s pretty minor.
Production:7.5 out of 10
Vocals:7 out of 10
Listenability:7.5 out of 10
Originality:6 out of 10

Artist: Forty-xo
song:7 in the morning

I’ve come around to drake after his last album but this song is an example of why he’s still a problem. His influence on others who are less talented. This dude should not be singing ever. Never ever ever. I almost feel like this is a joke. i realize there are a slew of terrible singing rappers out there who sound slightly learning disabled and that’s a thing right now but this shit is just silly. The beat is not bad though, so there’s that.
Production:5.5 out of 10
Vocals:2 out of 10
Listenability:4 out of 10
Originality:1 out of 10

Artist: L-Theanine
Song: What’s happening

The rapper has his heart in the right place but that voice is too much for me to handle. I’m fully racist against white voice. I know, it’s not fair.
This is brand of underground verbose rap that I’m kinda over (with a few exceptions) so it’s hard for me to really care that much. Not their fault. More just a personal preference on my point. But he can rap on technical lever without question.
I like the beat. Some parts work better than others but it’s interesting.
Production:5 out of 10
Vocals:4.5 out of 10
Listenability:4.5 out of 10
Originality:4.5 out of 10

Artist: Professor Caveman
Song: Puffin’ down the Dart

Well, this is out of nowhere. This feels like just some old song. Is it? I’m actually confused. I rarely get like music so i really don’t know what to say about it. It’s well done, really well recorded. The singing is okay but does the job I suppose. I’m not really a rock and roll guy though so I don’t feel I have much perspective to review this kinda thing.
Production:6.5 out of 10
Vocals:5 out of 10
Listenability:5 out of 10
Originality:4.5 out of 10

Artist: Gatsby the Great
Song: Breathe

The beat is a nice mix of different styles. Well made and well arranged. The rapper is good and i can always appreciate a lisp. Still, he’s not drawing me into the song that much. I found myself listening more to the track than the raps.
Production:6 out of 10
Vocals:5 out of 10
Listenability:5.5 out of 10
Originality:4 out of 10

Artist: Saba
Song: Next Door

Am i just to old for this kinda shit? I may be. I don’t mind it. I see why this style is popular but it always feels lazy to me. I dunno why. Or maybe it’s just so clearly trying to be this thing that so many other people are doing that I can’t take it that seriously. It’s too bad cause I think they rapper/singer is actually pretty good. The beat is solid too. Well made and mixed. I just hate listening to a new rapper and knowing immediately who he listen to.
Production:5.5 out 10
Vocals:5.5 out of 10
Listenability:6 out of 10
Originality:1 out of 10

Artist: Benny Beyond and the Archaeologist
Song: Toupee

I like this beat in theory but it’s a touch abrasive for my actual taste. The crash drum dominates the mix a bit to much. Outside of that, it’s good though.
The rapping is fine. Not mad at it but also not too excited about it. Overall, pretty decent.
Production:5 out of 10
Vocals:5 out of 10
Listenability:5 out of 10
Originality:4.5 out of 10

What do you think?