Song of the day 1/26/12

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Out getting Ribs By King Krule
http://www.mediafire.com/?31b62ann8l12297
This hasn’t been a very rappy week on the blog so, if you’re here for that, I apologize. Don’t worry, things will get back to their rappy ways in no time.
This weeks song of the day may or may not be a well known song. I really don’t know. I suppose it depends who you are. If you’re like me, it’s pretty new. What sets it apart from my typical “song of the day” choices is that it’s a new rock (I guess that’s what you could call it) song. The artist is a young ginger from the UK, formally known as Zoo Kid, but now known as King Krule. I’ve heard he’s 17. That could be true…or not. I dunno. Look it up if you really give a shit. All I know is that he looks 13, is the gingeriest ginger alive but sings like he’s Joe Strummer.

You know when you hear and song and immediately know you’re going to be singing it in your head for the rest of the week? This was that song for me. And, it’s rare that i like much new music, let alone some rock shit. It’s never been my flavor but this type of song is right the wheelhouse for me. It’s bluesy, it’s melancholy, and somewhat off center. I dunno..I hope you rap loving people can appreciate something like this and not turn it off the second you watch the video above cause it looks like a baby Rick Astley is about to serenade you.
as a bonus, here’s some live footage of this song where, mid song, he tunes his guitar on stage. Dunno why but I fucking love that he did that.

Before Lana Del Ray

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About three/four years ago, I wrote an entry for the Def Jux Blog (that I eventually posted here) about me working with a female vocalist. It basically just described the frustration of trying to make music with people when outside influence won’t let you do what you want. That girls name was Lizzy Grant. About a year or two after we had that studio session, I saw some new videos of hers pop up on youtube under the name Lana Del Ray. Flash forward to the present day and this girl is a huge star.
For a reference point, here’s the original story:
http://phatfriend.com/2010/01/12/it-might-blow-up-but-it-wont-go-pop/

I’ve been kinda wrestling with the idea of whether of not I should write this piece. Part of me feels like it’s cheap cause, now that this girl is famous (and notorious) , it’s seemingly just a cheap way to get readers. However, considering the bad press she’s been getting lately, I don’t think it would hurt to just shed some light on some things from my perspective.

So, I’m still “friends” with Lizzy on facebook. It’s not like we ever speak but you know how facebook friendships are. There are people on there who you met once at a drunken party that, because of befriending them, you know what their kids look like. Anyway, the other day, Lizzy Posted an urgent plea to all her Facebook friends to please not accept any interviews from people trying to dig up dirt on her. This was shortly after the Saturday Night Live debacle and, honestly, I can’t imagine what kinda hell this girl was going through.

Yes, the SNL performance was fucked up. I was extremely surprised. Once that aired, it would seem like shit hit the fan. I mean there was a fucking front page article on Yahoo.com about “Worst SNL performance ever?!” (Did they forget the existence of Ashley Simpson?). Suffice to say, coming from what I knew , I felt like Lana Del Ray was getting an extremely bad rap.
Now, I can only base this on my brief experience with her, but there is no doubt in my mind that that girl is talented. I’ve worked with all sorts of people over the years and she was one who stepped into the studio with a game plan and the ability to knock it all out in one take. All I can guess is that she’s got terrible stage fright or something. Cause I know, for a fact , she can sing. Not to mention, I realize her inflated lips are strange. They certainly weren’t around when we met. In fact, she was way hotter without them. But, in a way, I gotta think it was all part of her plan. “Lana Del Ray” was a character and those lips were part of that plan. The thing is, I’ve read a ton of shit about people saying this character was manufactured but that’s bullshit. Sure, it’s not her real name but the idea behind that person was in Lizzy before I even met her. Hell, just how she was dressed coming into the studio was enough for me to know that. She looked like a pinup model straight out of the trailer park. She always seemed to have to idea of this throwback Nancy Sinatra meets “Madmen” meets current white trash thing as her entire theme. She was obsessed with images of swimming pools, drinking tab soda and just a certian low brow elegance that wasn’t common in music. Even on the song we did (That I’ll be getting to briefly), her lyrics were trying to paint a picture of something very similar to where she eventually went with her new music. So, to be clear, all the detractors saying she’s some made up by the machine pop star are full of shit. While it’s impossible to keep the businesses hands out the pop when creating a pop star, the roots of where this all comes from are firmly inside of Lizzy Grant.

When I first got word that we were gonna do music together, I did some research. She had tons of youtube videos (which have since been taken down). The videos were made up of old stock footage cut up with shots of her singing…that was her thing. It created a very specific mood of nostalgia. Lo and behold, when the official video for “blue Jeans” dropped, it was the same thing

My point in this being, she had a vision of how she wanted to present herself and her music far before the foreign press was licking her ass or before anyone put her on SNL.

Anyway, I write this not as a “Leave Lana Alone!” manifesto. Nor as any sort of “Lana Del ray EXPOSED!” cause, honestly, I’ve got nothing but good things to say about her. I feel the anger towards her is unjust (especially in a era of super stars like Rihanna who can barely sing in tune without a studio to fix it) I figured now, more than ever would be a great time give you guys further insight into the music we made.

In my initial post, I wrote that Lizzy had picked beats and wrote a bunch of songs to them. She then came to a studio , where she, two engineers/studio musicians, and me planned to make those songs. If you read the earlier post, you know how they turned out in my eyes. But, hey, I’m one man and maybe too involved in it…So , I figured maybe I’d let you judge for yourself…
Here’s the original beat that she choose to write to:
http://limelinx.com/files/d7ef38314ee7626b8fe78aeb24e81e28
Now, to be honest, I always though this beat was pretty mediocre. But, it had a certain ruggedness to it that I thought could work well with some singing on it (if not rapping). She picked it, and wrote something cool to it, so we went with it.
Here’s the song that came out of that:
http://limelinx.com/files/e4e9d9fd01a1f682af18539c053aef22
This is a rough mix but you get the idea. A little different, huh?
Here’s where I get a little bitter. The idea of bringing me in to work with her was to hear her sound in a different light. At the time, she was signed to a small indie label and still trying to find her sound. I can 100% accept that I was not the right sound for her. But it definitely bummed me out that we went into work on some shit that could have been interesting and it came out to a very typical , almost “bar band” kinda vibe. All that was left of my beat was a fading horn, a little of the guitars and a simple bass line. The rest was replaced with corny drums sounds, lame rhodes progressions and some guitars riffs. I realize this sounds like I’m shitting all over the other two dudes who did all the instrument work but I’m not. They did they’re job. They made it a more pop friendly song. Those dues are far more talented musicians than I’ll ever be, we just have a different take on music, that’s all. I think I just under the assumption that’s what we weren’t there to do. I figured Lizzy and I were bought in together to try and see what happens when a girl like her sings over beats like mine. But, to really the fault of no one involved, it just didn’t happen.

It’s funny to hear where Lizzy went with her style cause it was so far from both my sound and the sound of that song we made. She choose wisely. I don’t know what the future holds for her and really hope the SNL debacle doesn’t bury her. I’d imagine she’s got a full length album dropping soon and I’m definitely curious to hear it. I think both “Blue Jeans” and “Video Games” are really good songs so it gives me hope that she’s committed to moving forward in that direction and we won’t be hearing her do any dance songs full of bad synths and triton drums anytime soon. I suppose we’ll see. regardless, I wish her good luck and think motherfuckers need to let her breath a little.

Answers for questions Vol. 69

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Sup sup yo! It’s a new week, which means another installment of Answers for questions. As always, if you ahve any questions for me, leave them in the comments below or email them to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com. Also, I still need “ask Dr. Tony” questions so, if you’re a person who needs advice about your shitty love life, holler at the kid.
Okay, let’s go…

Was your cross country road trip just a big thing with friends? What states did you pass through? any memories or thoughts about the trip?

Before I ever toured the US, I drove cross country with a bunch of friends. It wasn’t totally a vacation as the whole point of the trip was to film my friends senior project for college along the way. It was a student film and I had a supporting roll as “wise cracking asshole”. We took the southern route en route to L.A., so we passed through pennsylvania, west virginia, Tennessee, Arkanasas, Texas, New mexico, Arizona, Nevada and California.
As far as memories go, I’m foggy on them cause it was pretty long ago but I can rattle off a few:
1)The Ozarks scared the shit out of me.
Cause we were filming, we had two cars full of people. All new yorkers. A few jews, a black guy and a raver-ish girl. All around 21 years old, in baggy jeans and hats. We stopped at a gas station/KFC in the Ozarks for a late night snack and it was like being in a place where time had stopped. We walked into the KFC to see a sea of dead eyed hill people. Little kids wearing confederate flag hats. Everyone was about 90 pounds overweight and they all stared at us like were were from another planet. I dunno if it was just a case of us hitting the evolutionary arrested development jackpot or if that’s just how it is out there but it was scarier than any housing project I’ve ever walked through at night by a billion.

2)Vegas
I got to gamble for the first time. Or, rather, I got to lose whatever little money I had back then. One of the guys I was with was a big gambler and would pop shit with the dealers. The phrase “You know you’re raping me, right?” was quite common. Little fun facT: Dealers are not know for their senses of humor. ANyway, We spent two days there and by the middle of the first day, I was broke. So, you can imagine the fun of watching other people gamble. It’s right up there with watching people eat or someone describing a movie to you in great detail. Because of this, I ended up back in the hotel room more often than not. Every few hours, my gambling addict friend would come in a express that he had just lost 3 thousand dollars, only to come back a few hours later to say he made it all back. Over the two days, I gotta think he was, at worst, down 8 thousand and , at best, up 2 thousand. Back then, that kinda money could have lasted me all year so I was just kinda speechless about the whole thing.

3)driving scared part 1: Freon in your mouth
As a non-driver, my job was easy. Sit in the back seat and do nothing. The problem was that, on the way back from L.A. to NYC, we were on an extremely tight schedule. This meant insanely long drives with incredibly tired people driving. Once we hit nashville, on the way back, the plan was to drive straight from there to NYC. That’s a loooooonnnng fucking drive. This was in the dead of winter. One of the cars was a van holding all the film equipment. The other was an old ass station wagon. Somewhere in Texas, the old ass station wagon’s heating/defrosting system stopped working. Instead of gently blowing warm air into the ice cold car, it was blowing pure freon wind into our mouths. So, basically, we couldn’t use it. This was a problem cause the car needed to be defrosted constantly. What this meant was that we had to drive the final 2000 miles, in the dead of winter, with all the windows down and the freon pumping defrosting system as full blast. It was hell. I can kinda relate what being in that movie “Alive” was like , minus the cannibalism.

4)Driving Scared pt. 2: Sleep driving.
The last 15 hours home were tense. Everyone was exhausted. We hadn’t slept for like 20 hours and it was gonna be another 15 before we did. I was in the Van , riding shot gun. There had been talk about tires blowing out in situations like this that truly scared the shit out of me. But, even scarier, was that the driver of the van was drifting in and out of sleep while driving. For the final 15 hours of the drive, I sat next to him , waking him up every time his eyes would get heavy. I literally watched him the entire time like a lunatic, making sure he didn’t pass out and drive us off the road. Granted, i was probably looney from sleep depravation myself but I’m glad I did it cause, you know, I’m still alive now.

That’s about all I really remember outside of a few funny inside joke type things that happened amongst the group of friends I traveled with. I will say this, we’re all still friends now so that’s pretty impressive in itself.

You’re locked in an empty room with nothing but a CD player. Would you rather have to listen to the newest Lady Gaga album, the newest Lil Wayne album, AND Bieber’s latest album back-to-back-to-back, or Music by Cavelight four times cover to cover? (You can’t leave the room until one of these things happens)

I’d definitely rather listen to “Music by Cavelight” 4 times. I mean, it would be boring for me but it wouldn’t be painful. While I’d be curious to be forced to listen to the lil Wayne album, there’s simply no way I could get through the Bieber or GaGa albums.

what way do you get most paid: itunes? Cd/vinyl? Soundcloud/bandcamp? Amazon?

I get paid the most when people buy music from me at my shows. That’s 100% profit for me. As far as the other things, I dunno. I’d imagine the one that makes me the least money would be buying it used on Amazon. Itunes gets me some money. I don’t have a soundcloud or bandcamp profile so that’s out. So, yeah, buy from me personally or Itunes. Help me buy that yacht I’ve been eyeing.

Ever dabbled in porn on a phone?

Like porno chat lines? God no. Those things are so expensive and why would I ever do that as long as real porn exists?
However, there was this amazing chat line back in the day in NYC where you would call and try and meet girls. The thing is, it was predominately used by Domincan thugs from washington heights. This made for some amazing comedy cause you’d enter these rooms full of people talking. there’d usually be like 7 dudes screaming over one another at the one or 2 girls that might be in that chat room. My friends and I would go into these rooms as different characters and just see how mad we could make these dudes. Lemme just say they did not react kindly to gay guys or guys who’s only purpose was to disrespect certain blocks/projects. For instance ,I’d go in there and be like “Anyone from Dykeman projects in here?” (which would undoubtedly be received with a few positive responses, in which I’d answer to them “Fuck Dykeman!” and all hell would break loose. There wasn’t much sex talk but a few of my thuggier friends actually did meet girls on there so I suppose that’s something.

It’s the last concert you’ll ever go to and there are 3 openings. Who and in what order would you want to see them play?

This is a tough one cause, as I’ve said before, I’m not a huge live music guy. I’m way too impatient and fidgety to stand in one place for that long. So, my dream show would be a short one.
Looking back on all the shows I’ve been to, very few have really hit a chord with me as a fan. One that I loved was comedy crooner, Richard Cheese. he would be my opening act.

The middle act would probably be my homeboy Baby Dayliner. I’ve seen him play a billion times but it’s always a party. Drunk people dancing, good friends everywhere. It’s good times.

The closing act would be Boogie Down Productions. Now, I’ve reached the point where I can barely even listen to KRS ONE’s greatest hits, as he has become a truly annoying figure in music.. However, the first show I ever went to was BDP live at SOB’s (which they’d later use as part of the BDP Live album) I was about 16 and it was a mind blowing experience. Probably the only time I’ve ever felt that way at a show since cause KRS could really perform and the whole experience was completely new to me.. I’d want that exact show again. Just as long as he didn’t do any of his newer shit, it’d be fine.

Song of the day 1/20/12

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My Homie By ScHoolboyQ
http://www.mediafire.com/?vxhmhdh2529aqdp

I don’t really know much about ScHoolboyQ. I just heard him for the first time this week and I’m kinda on the fence. His album “Habits and contradictions” is getting lots of love on these interwebz so I figured I’d peep it and see what all the noise is about. It’s definitely got some great joints on it but I dunno if I’m sold 100%. I say this cause, at times, he’s kinda typical as a rapper. However, other times i feel like he really hits on something interesting (which is really a lot of what I look for in rappers today, just for them to be interesting) I feel his saving grace is that he’s kind of a weirdo. To me, nothing can beat when a thugged out dude is slightly strange cause it’s like the best of both world. No nerdy pretentiousness but it’s also not all just rhyming “gun” with “run” and “Niggaz” with “triggaz”.

This song in particular is a look at what happens when friends sell you out. To you or I, this could mean some bullshit over a girl or talking shit behind your back. To SchoolboyQ, it means ratting to the cops. While this may seem like territory that has been thoroughly covered in rap songs, there’s something refreshing about how Schoolboy puts it. It’s relatable without being overly dramatic or emo.

I’m curious what you guys think about this guy. Well???

F%ck/Marry/Kill Volume 8

Posted on
15


Time for everyones favorite game of sex , murder and matrimony once again.
This one includes Cartoon women, TV mom’s and inanimate objects.
Well played, people.
Send me more ideas for who I should fuck, marry or kill to: Phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comments below. Just a heads up, I will ignore them if they include any of the following people: Lady Gaga, Madonna, courtney love, nicki minaj, any female rappers, Katy perry, ect). All these women have been done to death (both literally and figuratively) so lets try and get a little creative, okay?
Also, I’ve added a new thing. “style of death” is how I would go about killing that person. Why not, right?
Now, on with the show.

Fuck/Marry/Kill: Jem, Cheetara, Smurfette

Fuck: Cheetara

Is that wrong? I mean, I just googled pictures of her to refresh my memory as to what she looked like and , to be honest, she’s about as much of a cat as I am a monkey. So I’m gonna skip over those guilty feelings of beasteality. She basically looks like some williamsburg girl who does tons of pilates at a halloween party. Her body is insane and she’s straight up hot. The only reason I wouldn’t marry her is on the off chance that she is part cat cause I’m allergic to cats and , also, fuck cats.

Marry: Jem

Man, I never realized how much these cartoons influenced todays style. She looks like an annoying band girl but, like Cheetara, she’s a piece of ass. I’d really only marry her in the situation cause that’s kinda where she lands in this formula. I would just hope that she’s not a super annoying band girl who would want me to watch her “jam” with her shitty friends all the time and make me go to her gigs at Arlene’s grocery at 1 am on tuesday nights. If she can not be like that, I think we could have a fine life together.

Kill: Smurfette

Here’s the problem with smurfette. I’m not about to marry someone I could lose in a closet and , if I were to fuck her, I’d kill her anyway. I mean, maybe a little duct tape might prolong her life but she’s the size of two apples…it’s just not gonna work. So, instead of making her go out that way, I’d just let her down easy.

Style of death:
Maybe I’d throw her off a tall building or something. At least her final moments would be exciting.

Fuck/Marry/Kill:Salt, pepa, spinderella

Kill: Salt

Ten years ago, i wouldn’t have put her here but I saw that reality show with her on it and she was annoying as fuck. She’s super religious and uptight about everything. Not my steeze at all. In her younger years, she was always the one I wanted to bone the most but , of course, she found god and got boring so, really, there’s no use for her in this situation. (but i will admit, she’s still the cutest so I feel like i deserve points for not going the easy route)

Style of death: I’d drop a bible on her head from 25 stories up.

Marry: Spinderella

I always thought she had the prettiest face of the group. Granted , she’s a bit large and could probably be a power forward in the WNBA , but still, she seemed mellow and in control. Those are two qualities I hold highly in women. Plus, she could tour with me as my DJ. It makes so much sense.

Fuck: Pepa

I’d be a little scared to fuck her at first. I mean, she could no doubt kick my ass. She’s big and strong…but she’s in good shape. Admittedly, I didn’t pick the best pic for her but I’m too lazy to find one where she doesn’t look like a tranny…but I trust, in real life , she doesn’t. Also, judging from her reality show, it’s been a while. She’d be very appreciative. Granted, I wouldn’t be swinging chains around and holding a machete to her neck during sex like I’m sure Treach was , but hey, variety is the spice of life.

Fuck/Marry/Kill: Miho Hitori, Bjork, Yolandi from Die Antword

Kill: Bjork

Shocking, I know…But I only put her here cause she’s gotten old and is not the same Bjork she once was. She was once adorable but I’ve never really though of her as a sexual being (so that cancels out sex) and she’s just a bit too weird for me to marry. So, as talented as she is, she’s gotta go. Sorry Bjork.

Style of death: I’d make her eat icelandic fermented shark meat until her heart stopped (it would be a quick death, as that shit is disgusting).

Marry: Miho Hitori

I honestly don’t know much about her or her music. But I googled her and she seems like the most normal of the bunch. She’s not crazy hot but she’s cute enough…So, by default, I suppose I’d marry her. Worst case scenario, she’d be really boring.

Fuck: Yolandi

Truth be told, I think most guys secretly wanna have sex with this little creature. Stupid haircut aside, she’s strangely sexy. She’s also completely insane which could really pay off for a one time sexual encounter. My only fear would be that she was into some crazy shit I’m not ready for. The last thing you want when boning a girl is for her relentlessly trying to stuff things in your ass which scratching the shit out of you. I could see her being one of those types…but it’s worth the risk.

Fuck/Marry/Kill:Peggy Bundy, Mrs Garret, Claire Huckstable

Kill: Mrs Garret

I mean this is a softball pitch to babe ruth. Come one…You couldn’t even give me the mom from Growing pains? OF COURSE I’m killing Mrs. Garret. He foots halfway out the door of life as it is. She’s a sweet old lady but unless she’s doing laundry or cooking pot roasts, she’s of no use to anyone.

Style of death: I’d just let her die of natural causes. She’s that old.

Fuck: Peg Bundy

I always thought Peg Bundy was kinda hot. I get that you stop wanting to fuck the person you’ve been married to for 30 years but I don’t think Al appreciated what he had. She had big torpedo tits and a nice lean waist. That’s got “Fuck” written all over it. Also, much like Pepa, she’d be appreciative. I can’t tell you how far that can go.

Marry: Clair Huxtable

Aside from having a really great job and being an attractive older lady, she’s just kind of always been a “wife” to me. Not my wife, so much, but a wife. So , I can only envision her like that. Also, she’s gotta have a saucy side to her…after all, she had like 7 kids over the course of 15 years. If Cliff can keep going back to that honey pot, I don’t see why I wouldn’t either. We could put on some Grover Washington Jr , slip out of out body length pajama’s and see where the night takes us.

Fuck, Marry, Kill:Music By Cavelight,Downtown Science,Uncle Tony’s Coloring Book

It’s like you’re asking me to rank my babies…

Fuck: Uncle Tony’s Coloring Book

Fucking is fun. It doesn’t need to be this heady experience where your life is changed afterwards. This album is that. It’s fun and light, with a few intense moments but, overall, it’s a good time. I’d put my dick all up inside this album.

Marry: Music By Cavelight

You know, I already feel like I’m married to this album. It’s like that high school sweetheart that you can’t break up with cause of all the history you share. At this point, we’re an old married couple. I’m bored of her but the bond remains.
More importantly, everyone else seems to be so fond of this album, it would be weird for me to kill her. So, as much as the flame is dwindling I suppose we’re gonna die together…married.

Kill: Downtown Science

I don’t wanna kill this album. I like this album. But , in this situation, it’s gotta go. I feel like it was often misunderstood and people were let down by the fact it wasn’t another “Music By Cavelight”. But that was kinda the point. SO, I’d put this one down gently knowing that it was what I wanted it to be…a little too strange for the passing listener but , in the larger scheme of things, a very nice piece on the overall puzzle.

Style of death: I suppose I’d just melt it down followed by an emotional burial ceremony for the ashes.

Sir Jarlsberg will Change you life part 2

Posted on
15

Before you do anything, if you’re not familiar with Sir Jerlsberg, read this and download the music:
http://phatfriend.com/2010/01/11/sir-jarlsburg-will-change-your-life/

It’s a description of Sir Jarlsberg as well as folder of the songs he had done up to that point. Granted, this isn’t for everyone but I think it’s the fucking best.

But, that’s not why I wrote this post…it’s cause yesterday, Sir Jarlsberg finally dropped his long awaited first video “Teach thee how to curtsy” (feat. Lord Richard and Kelly Waters). I’m sad to say I don’t have the MP3 of this song but that just means you’ll have to watch this video over and over again…

The Creepiest

Posted on
15

Holy shit. Now, in order for me to keep living a normal life and not throw myself off a high mountain, I’m gonna assume this is a joke. It has to be, right?
If so, major props to this kid for hitting on something that doesn’t get discussed very often.
The teenaged male “sucker for love syndrome”.
When we’re going through puberty and our bodies and running on pure testosterone , you would think we’d be all about getting any sort of sex we can…and we are…but there is never a more emotionally vulnerable time for a guy then when he’s a teen.
It’s a confusing time cause, on one hand, we’re jerking off like 5 times a day. In fact, you should never touch a teenaged boys hand. Give them the fist pound. Shaking his hand is basically just holding his dick.
Young dudes are spending hours a day just beating that devil inside of them up via their penis. You’d think that this kind of hyperactive behavior would translate to scum-baggery and desperate measure taken to somehow find a girl to have sex with…well, they often do but it’s more a case of misguided lust than the kid being a bad person. But, if a guy is to actually land a girl, it’s a wrap. That dude is at a high risk of falling in love on a level that can only be creepy. Like the kid in this video (who I hope is just a really funny guy and not that actual person). It’s so intense to witness. Like a scene out of “Happiness”.
The funny thing about this kinda shit is that once men get through that stage, most of us become the assholes we really are. The same dude who would kill your family if they ever got in the way of two hour make out sessions on the couch when he’s 15 is also the same dude ,five years down the line, who doesn’t text you back for a week after drunkly fucking you on the floor of his friends house.

This must suck for girls cause I know you guys love a passionate man. It’s just too bad the most passionate men around are 15 year old psychotic people like this kid.

Now, I’m not saying grown men aren’t capable of worshipping their women (often to a fault) but the certain brand of blind love for a girl that can be possessed by a boy going through puberty is just some next level shit. It’s a drug-like infatuation. If only there were a way to harness these emotions and use them for good. Oh well…until then, heads up ,young girls. Be wary of who you make out with cause you never know when he’s gonna take his shirt off, get his camera and film some shit like this in your honor. And really, how can you even kiss a guy after that? You’d be too busy laughing into his mouth.

Answers for Questions Vol. 68

Posted on
6


Good day everyone.
It’s MLK day, which means many of you are off work/school and celebrating his life with a hangover. You asshole. he didn’t have a dream about you taking Jager shots last night and flirting with a hispanic barback as a show of equality. You’re so racist.
Anyway, as always, send me more questions: Phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comments below. I’m also accepting “Ask Dr. Tony” questions so if you got problems n your love life or anything related to that, I’m your dude.
Lez go…

If you could have a lobotomy and wipe out every single bit of music knowledge you’ve collected over the years, all your music production knowledge, dj skills, and musical taste, if only to experience everything again for the first time, would you?

I would definitely not. First off, I’d be out of a job. Secondly, the timing would be a mess. Part of experiencing music in a certain way is based on age. I could never feel about something now the same way I did when I was 11-16 years old. I’m simply too jaded and I’ve lived too long at this point to be wide eyed about anything. As good as “It takes a nation of millions” is, the way it made me feel when I was a kid is not like any feeling I’m still able to get. It’s pretty depressing but , hey, that’s life.

There are a couple of songs that have been playing non stop in my head for the past couple of months….well, specific lines from songs…

the first being one you should know all to well:

“We the American working population
Hate the fact that eight hours a day
Is wasted on chasing the dream of someone that isn’t us
And we may not hate our jobs,
But we hate jobs in general
That don’t have to do with fighting our own causes.
We the American working population
Hate the nine-to-five day-in/day-out
When we’d rather be supporting ourselves
By being paid to perfect the pasttimes
That we have harbored based solely on the fact
That it makes us smile if it sounds dope…”

the second is from the song “The Good Fight” off that awesome new Phonte Coleman solo album….

“Everybody prays for the day they see the light
But the light at the end of the tunnel is a train
5 dollar gas, and poverty rates, are rising much higher than your hourly rates
So if you thinkin ’bout quittin you should probably wait
Cuz everybody gotta do a fuckin job that they hate
“Go and live out your dreams” thats what they tellin”

So, here is my question, any advice to someone that is tired of chasing the dreams of other people? Spending long obnoxious hours making their mental pictures come to light?

Thoughts sir?

On one hand, I think there’s nothing wrong with following your dreams It’s a long shot to ever work out but if it’s something you’re obsessed with , you gotta at least try. Worst case scenario, you fail and go back to whatever course your life was on before.
But there are so many realities that get in the way of someone becoming successful at any form of art. Like, the simplest one,
“are you actually talented or just really driven?”
Honestly, I’ve seen both pan out and often, the untalented but driven guy will succeed through sheer will. But, it’s painful to watch someone .who’s simply just bad at something , investing tons of time into it and being totally clueless as to how it will never happen.
Also, “Do you have a fall back plan?”
If you’re gonna try to be an artsi, in this day and age, the chances of making money now are less than they’ve ever been. It should really be more of a hobby for everyone than anything. If you’re focused on making it work though, have a back up plan for when it doesn’t. Also, give yourself a success time frame. If you haven’t reached a certain point by a certain time , it’s time to swallow your pride and move on. You don’t wanna be that 48 year old guy playing in a bar band, still chasing the dream.

I wish everyone who wants to not work under the thumb of another person all the best luck. I just worry that many people don’t take the consequences of doing so into consideration. We’re not all leaders. It’s a hard pill to swallow but it’s true.

You’re in L.A. and have the choice of seeing a Clippers game or a Lakers game. Who do you see? ( same opponent for the sake of argument)

Oh, the CLippers by a longshot. Not only do I hate the lakers but what team would be more fun to watch right now than the CLippers? Not to mention, I got Blake Griffin On my Fantasy squad, so that’s an extra.

What is on the walls of your apartment?

Mostly blood and cum.
Nah, I have some artwork my dad did. Some pictures. When my girl moved in over a year and a half ago, a lot of things were moved/added for the better. I used to have every piece of vinyl I have worked on but we had to repaint the crib so they all came down and I’ve been too lazy to put the up again.
In my bedroom (AKA studio) I used to have a wall of funny record covers in front of where I work.

But, that area also had to be painted and the way I had stuck the covers up was as terribly as one could have done it. Basically, I ruined all the covers and fucked that entire wall up while doing so.So now it’s just a plain white wall.

I’ve had a couple good laughs over some stories I’ve read on here, ie. the way too high washing dog shit off your shoe and gagging, or the come down rollerblading team wipeout. whats the funniest thing that’s happened to you in 2011?

Shit. I don’t think anything spectacularly funny happened last year. Nothing that jumps out at me. I blame twitter.

What’s with the pics of cute little animals you post on this blog?

I’m not an animal person. In fact, I’ll go out of my way to avoid being in a room with most dogs/cats. I’m allergic to cats and dogs, while far less offensive to me, are just kind of annoying. However, I do love pictures of cute animals. Especially things like hamsters or puppies. I draw the line at cats as I truly despise them as creatures (even though I’ve broken down once or twice cause even my dead black heart can admit kittens are adorable).
I dunno why I started doing that as the header pics for this column but I feel like it works. It draws you in. And it’s kinda funny to think of this cute animal and comparing it to whatever pissy, vitriolic thing I’m about to write.

How’ve your workouts been going? did you stop? are you still going?

I’m trying. I’ve exercised probably 12 days since the new year started. I think it’s helping. My issue is that my workouts are pathetic. Unless it’s basketball, I’m half assing it like you’ve never seen. I’ll run on the elliptical and lift some weights but I’ve literally seen adolescent girls go harder than me in the gym. I’m lazy and I fucking hate working out. It’s a bad combo. But i figure, if i can at least break a sweat, that’s something. My goal is to just not become a total fat ass. That’s all. So, if i can achieve that, I’ll be happy.

blockhead i have a question so i just moved to a small town, not many places to find a job except burgerking and other fast-food restaurants, so i applied and basically got the job, my question being is there any shame working fastfood? i’m only 19 and i’m not trying to make it a career i just figured minimal responsibility and i could probably show up hungover or drunk most days

No shame in that man. Make your money. It’s not like your small town is offering all sorts of great choices. It’s funny to me, about how jobs are viewed , cause someone who works in a coffee shop has this smug air about themselves while the dude working in Mcdonalds is looked at like a barely functional mongoloid. I think that’s bullshit. Just cause you work somewhere with a tip jar doesn’t make you any more special than the person slinging fries. Sure, it’s a cooler atmosphere in the coffee shop. No dress code and you get to play your Ipod but you’re still a server. You still gotta deal with terrible dickheads who will bicker with you about how frothy the milk is/isn’t.
Anyway, at age 19, there is no better time to have a job like that. But , just be wary, that if you’re still there in 5 years, you’ve dropped the ball on life.