By now you’ve probably seen the “juggalo gathering 2009″ video that was so popular it merited a Saturday night live skit. i’d link you to it but i think they had it removed from youtube. which is kinda strange to me cause , well, they fucking made it and edited it. it served a purpose, why take it down?
anyway, if you haven’t seen it and if you’ve never heard of a juggalo , allow me to indulge you.
i’m certainly no expert but , as far as i can see, juggalos are suburban whigz who paint their face up like clowns and rap/rock their brains out. They are led by The Insane Clown Posse. ICP are to hulk hogan as the the juggalo’s are to “Hulkamaniacs”.
for more info, just go here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Juggalo

cause i don’t have time or the knowledge to really get in depth about the history of this backyard wrestling abortion of a sub culture. but i will say this, they do QUITE well for themselves. like, shockingly well. they’re fucking millionaires many times over. Yes, the rapping clowns are millionaires.
this all brings me to a conversation I had with a friend the other day. first off, he showed me this video:

(i seriously suggest you stick around for the chorus cause it is simply amazing. perhaps you and your friends might wanna sit around a crackling fireplace and recite the lyrics to each other over a glass or merlot?)

so, he shows me this and i’m just kinda dumbfounded. not by the fact that it’s the most trite music ever made, or by the kid rock slow jam beat or by the rapping (which sounds like a guy who can actually rap but then forgets how to mid way through each line). no, i was more taken back by how this sub-culture has somehow lasted and THRIVED for a long ass time. like, the mid 90′s. it outlasted underground rap for Christ’s sake! What jumps out to me is that America is so fucked up and retarded that we have huge portions of people that relate to literal clowns who rap about being tough and being “strictly for their ninja’s” and “homiez” and…THEY”RE FUCKING RAPPING CLOWNS!!!! These dudes go gold. sell out shows. sell more tee-shirts than atmosphere and put out other acts JUST LIKE THEM who do great as well.
truth be told, i’m not mad at them. i’d never listen to their music but juggalo culture does not even come remotely close to my world. I live in a city with big buildings , subways , “fashion” and people who might react unkindly to a grown man dressed like a jnco potato sack wearing face paint. that shit just won’t ever happen here. so, yeah, it’s so far out of my hair , how could i really be mad at it? But these juggalo’s…the mind of a juggalo. it just intrigues me.
i imagine the mind of a juggalo is filled with much of the following:

1)hot dogs
2)brutal beatings as a youth (for the boys)
3)brutal rapings as a youth (for the girls)
4)”lettin’ off steam”
5)equal parts disdain and obsession concerning black people and their culture.
6) mountain dew
7)freestyle cyphers/mosh pit combo’s

The thing about juggalo’s are that they’re a culture that has taken the worst parts of white trash and dumb white hip hop tough guy’s circa the early 2000′s and made this unstoppable force that every dipshit who’s ever gotten drunk behind a 7/11 in montana can relate to. they’re the worst of both worlds sloppily smashed together into something that a redneck might scoff at.
But no matter what you or I may think of them, they will go on. A new juggalo is born every day. most likely into a toilet during a prom…but they live on. they’ve got to. they’re work is not done. they’re the cockroaches of awful subcultures. long after Hip hop and rock are dead and forgotten, the final remnants of music will be blaring out of some truck in the middle of america and it will sound like “homiez”. mark my fucking words.