Ask Dr. Tony



A while back, I did a post called “Ask me about old hip hop” where basically anyone who wanted my opinion on any old rap could ask me what I think. It went over pretty well so I wanna try something a little different. While the majority of the people reading this only know me as some dickhead that makes beats, I bet you didn’t know I was also a home schooled psychologist/street sociologist. By “home schooled” , I mean I have no formal background in anything remotely related to “learning” but I do actually give pretty good advice.
Allow me to give you my…umm…”credentials”:
1)Everyone one of my girlfriends friends asks me for advice (concerning men/dating).
2)Contrary to what you may read on this blog on a regular basis, I’m fairly even handed. And honest.
3)I’m a master at avoiding awkward situations and can pass that knowledge onto you.
4)I love hearing fucked up shit and , because of this, you can trust that you will have my full attention.

Impressive list, huh? Yeah. I think so too. My mom is proud.
So, Ask away. Anything. Keep in mind, I’ll be much better at relationship advice then, say, mechanic advice. So let’s try to keep it in that realm.
Also, Be detailed. Remember, I don’t know you. If you’re describing a person , I need to know at least a basic personality type. Don’t only tell me half the story. This is one time where I’d actually like people to write a lot in the comments box (where as, normally, I stop reading if it’s longer than two sentences).
For each question, I will be giving a snarky answer and a real answer (unless it’s a snarky question in which it will be answered appropriately). That way, everyone is happy (Again, even handed like a motherfucker). Also, let’s try to avoid super depressing topics. This is for fun and I’m in no position to tell you how to get off meth and get you’re baby back from those guys that took her.
So, ask away (in the comments section). The doctor is IN.

71 thoughts on “Ask Dr. Tony

  1. dr tony,
    lately i haven’t been getting any pussy. its partially because for the past year, jokingly, my asshole friends (although their intentions were pure) have sort of developed a reputation for me as a “pooner”. this is a word that i forget how we learned it but it basically means you stay at home and jack off when all your friends are out. but its the opposite. see, i left my high school to take on a more alternative path to my education. as douchey as that sounds, it makes a lot of sense. high school fucking sucks, especially for someone who just CAN’T spend their time doing work that they know is bullshit. so i take classes at a bunch of places, and i wouldn’t consider myself a drop out because im doing it for the sake of my education. but at first, the only way to describe it was “home-school”, and so my asshole friends, understandably in their bitter jealousy, not of my specific education style but of the fact that i wasn’t wasting my time at school and they were, spent the first year of this spreading shit around at school that i just jack off all day. this may not be as much of a problem as im making it out to be, because no one REALLY thinks that. but since i’m not around at school anymore to make myself my own reputation, it’s hard to correct it on the weekends. i spent a while trying to disprove all of it and be like “no, im actually learning a lot more than i did at school”, “no, i masturbate about the same amount as most people”.. but now its like, i see people often enough, maybe i should just be myself and let them get to know me. but my question to you is, how can i get bitches to want to get to know me? you might be thinking “well if they dont want to then they dont want to”. but i used to get a lot more vagina than im getting now. without being an asshole to people and getting in their face like “im an awesome guy, you should get to know me”, not saying id ever say that, what are the types of things i can specifically say to girls upon talking to them for my first time, when they already think they know who i am, to make them question what they already think and want to know more

    • Snarky: How bout you quit jerking off all the time and learn to use punctuation. Girls love a man who knows where to place a well thought out Comma.

      Real talkz: Ok, I’m gonna assume you’re not some fat shut in that simply can’t get a girl cause you’re horrible looking. The fact you sued to better leads me to believe that this is a safe bet. So, here are a few thoughts:
      1)You probably was getting more pussy back then cause you were in a school setting. Social situations(this includes work and school) where you’re around girls on a regular basis tend to lead to hook ups. Seeing someone everyday breaks down any weird social gaps one might come across drunk at a party and it also allows people to get to know people. Ever had a job where you worked with some mediocre girl but , within a month of working with her, you wanted to fuck her brains out? It works both ways. The more you’re around people with regularity, the easier it is to get pussy.
      2)I think the “pooner” thing has nothing to do with anything. Unless you happen to have a creepy vibe (that you’re unaware off) that would lend itself to that rumor , it’s just a joke. It’s harmless. The more you defend yourself about it the worse it gets. I’d say ignore it and/or make a joke out of it. And regardless of how people react, everyone jerks off. It’s not like people are saying you raped someone or have AIDS. Those two things could certainly hurt your pussy getting chances.

      3)Sounds to me like you’re just in a slump. When dudes slump, it fucks our confidence up and girls can smell it from a mile away. At the same time, it sounds like you’re pretty young (early 20’s?) so, I wouldn’t sweat any of this right now. I didn’t figure out how to really get pussy till I was 25. These kinds of things tend to work themselves out. Just do what ever it is you have to do to make sure you don’t end up homeless later in life and the vagina problem will solve itself.
      But, be weary, becoming a fat, anti-social shut in with no job never helped anyone get laid.

      4) as for “what to say to girls”, that’s a tough one. Assuming you’re dealing with younger girls, always remember that they ALL have daddy issues and tend to respond to guys being cocky and funny. This doesn’t mean you have to run up on hoes and yell at them. Just play it cool. Be yourself, but a 2.0 version.
      here are a few that like the “sucker for love” types but the majority (at that age) wants a “cool guy”. If you’re not a particularly funny or cocky dude you might wanna opt for “mysterious” guy. Remember that, in the eyes of girls, you’d rather be mysterious than depressed.

      I know this is cliche, just be yourself.

  2. blockhead- I remember reading on here that once, you got double-teamed. Even as I do not consider myself a master with girls, if I could aim for that, I know that I would eventually get a lot more pussy. To try to attract girls to be into that and make them want to do it to you, would mean to just attract girls to you, sexually, in general. Let me give an example. Say you are with a few girls, and you are one of the only guys there. If you could get double-teamed, that would be awesome. But I think that the process of trying to make girls want to do that would be enough to boost the likelihood of you getting pussy from any of them in general. I’m sure you know what I mean. And for some background, I’m not the type of asshole that I sound like, I don’t target girls and try to get them to suck my dick in groups of two. But in this case, that’s what I’m doing. I guess I just have to ask – Can you give some tips to boost the chances that girls will feel comfortable not only giving you head or having sex with you but openly and with a friend. I guess the tips should be focused on how to interact with them, (assuming that I already have common sense), and what kinds of things to say, etc.

    • Snarky: One step at a time , bro. Get the one pussy first then worry about stacking up two at a time.

      REAL TALKZ:Unless you’re dealing with a completely fucked up whore, threesomes only happen under very particular circumstances. I don’t think there is anything a guy can do that makes a girl want to have a threesome. By this I mean, if two girls are gonna fuck you at once, it’s cause THEY WANT TO. The more aloof you play it, the better. The second you start trying to push it, they’ll most likely get freaked out and pull away. Two girl/one guy threesomes are rare cause i don’t think it’s something most girls wanna do. My personal threesome happened out of competitiveness and jealousy between two girls. I pretty much just sat back and let it happen. It was their idea and I went with it. I’d say that’s the code of finding you’re way into a threesome. you either gotta have great timing and be lucky or be super famous and hanging around woman of very loose morals.

  3. Dr. Tony

    My family owns a Radio Broadcasting company, 19 Radio Stations. I’ve been working for the company for almost 10 years now. (I just turned 30, started when I was 20) I get paid well, and have a decent foundation set. The Problem is, Radio fucking sucks. It’s awful. I cringe at the product and I constantly have to defend my family business to friends or just random people who think they are music/radio experts.

    To this day I have never been involved in any music programming based on the fact that commercial radio programming is for morons. (Especially in Canada, where we are government regulated to play 35% Canadian content.) So, I’ve Spent the past 9 and some years writing and producing Radio advertising. Which is a bottom feeder position as far as the corporate hierarchy goes.

    Recently I’ve been asked to think about stepping out of the position and to take a more “serious” role in the company. Which means getting involved in Programming and Music decisions. I know for a fact I would rather quit than talk to douches about the latest Lady Gaga tune, or deciding how many times to play a Nickleback song.

    The problem is, the business makes a shit ton of money for my family. Which I feel responsible for maintaining. But, I know in this company, there is no room for growth in my career or in my skill-set as a radio producer. I’d have to leave the family business in order to take the next step. Or, id have to check my Ego at the door, start tucking in my shirt and talk to dudes about stupid music.

    What do you think I should do?

    • Snarky: Nickleback>>>>Your personal freedom.

      REAL TALKZ: This is a tough one. It really depends on what your other options are outside of the family business. If you’ve got something you really wanna do and have a game plan, by all means, try it. I think the fact that you do work for a family business would lead me to believe if that other plan didn’t work out, they’d take you back. In a way, you could have your cake and eat it too. Another factor is you living situation. Do you have a family? Kids? If yes, then you gotta think of them first and following your dreams went out the window the second that baby popped out your girls cooch. If no kids, it certainly opens up doors for you though.

  4. Dr Tony,

    I am moving across the country(from Las Vegas to Detriot) to be with my boyfriend. I’ve been having doubts since we’ve only been together for about 6 months. In this six months we’ve had a few big fights.He’s very stubborn and think his way is the right way. I love him and he treats me well. In fact, he’s the best boyfriend I’ve ever had. In my gut I feel like I’m doing the right thing, but I question how stable our lives will be once I move. He’s 36 (I’m 28), has bad credit, and has a job that pays him in cash only. Right now he’s staying with a friend to save as much money as he can before I move there. I’m afraid we won’t be very stable once I’m there. The big move is supposed to happen in January. I know I haven’t given a lot of details…but what would you do?

    Thanks :)

    • Snarky: If you’re gunning to win the “future shitty boyfriend 2011″ award, you’re off to a great start.

      REAL TALKZ:So many red flags here I don’t even know where to begin. Let’s try:
      1)6 months? Long distance? TERRIBLE IDEA.
      2)If you’re already having big fights this early in to the relationship, it’s only gonna get worse. People don’t change they get more comfortable. If he’s the type to argue now, imagine what he’ll be like once you live with him and he’s completely unfiltered.
      3)36 year old with bad credit and a shady (bartending?) job.

      seriously. I know you like this guy but all I know is what you told me and that alone is enough for me to know this will be a fucking disaster. You will not be stable. He will not hold his temper. you two really don’t know each other well enough to move hundreds of miles to live together. Not to emntion, do you really wanna live in Deroit?

  5. So a while back, I slept with this guy that I genuinely liked. I thought he was smart, funny, and nice. So in the middle of having sex, I look at him and he’s holding up his camera phone, recording the whole thing. I haven’t spoken to him since hijacking his phone and deleting the videos (yes, there was more than one).

    I’ve been going back and forth about whether or not to press charges. On the one hand, he’s moving out of this city in January and I’d like to just forget the whole thing ever happened, especially since the videos are off his phone. On the other, filming someone during sex on the sly is not only illegal, but highly immoral. If I go to the police, I want the ultimate result to be him having to register as a sex offender. Unfortunately, in the state I live in, the laws haven’t caught up to shady shit like this, and the most he would be charged with is invasion of privacy. I’m not putting myself through that whole ordeal of explaining what happens to god knows how many people just for an invasion of privacy slap on the hand. Then again, he needs to know that that shit is not okay. And if he somehow transferred the videos to his computer in between recording them and me deleting them, I’d like those destroyed too. Then there’s the fact that everyone I know will know what happened. Even though I did nothing wrong.

    To press charges, or not to press charges? I know you said no depressing shit, but this isn’t depressing, just infuriating.

    • Snarky: I’ll need to see the evidence to make a clear and concise ruling on this one.

      REAL TALKZ: While that is fucked up and certainly illegal, I’m afraid you lost any case you would have by erasing the videos. Taking people to court is expensive and without that evidence, I dunno if you have a leg to stand on outside of “he said/she said” rhetoric that doesn’t fly in a court of law.
      If you’re truly feeling wrong and vindictive (which is understandable), the best you could do would be to go on a smear campaign and just let as many people who know him (girls, really..cause guys will just give him high fives about shit like this) that he’s a piece of shit who does things like this. Either that or just take the loss. Once the film was erased, all the legality was screwed up.
      Also, stop fucking scum bags who do shit like this. They all seem nice, smart and funny at some point but a real nice dude wouldn’t do that shit. There’s gotta be signs that leads up to the act that you shoulda caught. adjust your radar (IE: Be wary of people) and be smart about who you let put their dick inside of you. That’s probably the best advice I can give.

      • Yeah, I totally forgot to mention that I had, indeed, considered that deleting the videos also erased any chance I had of taking it to court. Also, my best friend has taken it upon herself to be a belligerent bitch to him anytime she’s in the same place he is. I usually just leave, but she starts yelling at him and letting him know that he is an asshole. She also cockblocks any females that let her know that they think he’s cute.

        I’m also on a hiatus from men because the guy I dated for a few months before this dumped me in a text message. I thought my good guy radar was on point, but evidently it’s not. I’m teaching myself to make better choices in men. I think in this case, I willfully ignored many red flags, which is actually (though it doesn’t sound like it) highly uncharacteristic of me. My friends actually come to me for guy advice because they think I’m the most level-headed when it comes to dating. If only they knew.

        Well, thanks, Dr. Tony. Another case solved.

  6. Dear Dr. Tony,

    I’ve had a crush on one of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever met for a while now. In the beginning of summer, we’ve hung out and grew closer and one day, she broke up with her boyfriend of 3 years! So the opportunity arose and I’ve since kept in touch with her as much as possible ans supported/helped her recover but not to the point of being “that guy” that quickly pounces and starts humping the new single chick.

    She knows that I like her (one friend even admitted to her that I loved her while he was a bit drunk – I definitely wouldn’t say I Love her yet, though) but she’s basically one of the busiest people right now: She goes to school full time, has a part time job and is just wrapping up a college production that she directed and produced all by herself.

    But really, this is a girl that’s once told a friend about how she, “wanted to make out with his (my) face”. She also seems to be in a point in her life where she doesn’t quite know whether or not she wants a serious relationship.
    The worst part is that I just know that she wants a boyfriend. But not someone to temporarily fill a ‘void’.

    That’s clearly just a cop out…or is it?

    So I guess my situation is somewhere in limbo. I can’t tell if things are gonna go anywhere at all. I feel like I’m at the point where I’m sitting and waiting..and hoping..a shitload of hoping.

    Thanks Doc,
    Gibson S.

    • Snarky: Dude, they make movies about you starring Zach Braff. And guess what? YOu’re not even Zack Braff’s character in these movies.

      REAL TALKZ: A few things immediately popped up when I rad this:
      1)By supporting her/helping her recovery from her past break up, you’re immediately throwing yourself into the friend zone. She has girl friends to help her through that shit. As a male friend, it’s your job to be supportive, but from a distance. give her advice but don’t be a pussy about it. At BEST , in the friend zone, you might one day sleep with her on a drunken night that she felt particularly vulnerable/horny. You know, on one of those “make out with your face” kinda nights. And then , never again. It sounds to me like you may already be there so it’s gonna be rough to turn that around. If I’m wrong about that, let’s move on…

      2)If someone else told her you’re “in love” with her, this is a bad look. It would be a good look if she was into you , but I don’t think she is. By her knowing that you’re feeling her at all , it puts you at a disadvantage. In fact, I’d say, if she knows this yet still comes to your for solace over her break up, she’s sounds like a needy asshole who’s just using you as an emotional tampon.

      3)If personal experience means anything, I’ve been through very similar situations. When I was in high school , I was obsessed with this one girl. We were friends and would hang out all the time and I pretty much wasted my senior year trying to hook up with her. Because I was a pussy/sucker for love type back then, it never happened. It became this thing where , everytime we’d hang out, I’d have hopes of it finally being “the night” shit went down. But it never did. I went away to college, she ended up dating one of my best friends. However, about 5 years later, I did have sex with her , so I felt someone what redeemed. Both cause I got to hit it, but also cause I got to reject her (petty? yes…) after all the years of her stringing me along. My point is, a girl like this will keep you around as long as she can cause she knows she can do whatever she wants with you. I’d say, forget about her and move your sights elsewhere. The irony is, the less attention you pay to the girl you’re crushing on, the better chance you might actually get her down the line. Go figure.

  7. You’re a pretty sensible dude, help me out. Just had a girlfriend for a while who I thought was the “one” and who I thought felt the same about me (we dated for, like, 6 months, but she was the best gf I ever had, besides some issues where she’d rage out over petty bullshit that normal people just ignore). She was constantly telling me how much she loved me, how I was her favorite boyfriend ever, how happy she was to have met me and what not. She was 27 and I’m 32. Then, one day, she called me out of the blue to tell me she can’t by my girlfriend anymore because she just wants to be alone, even saying some shit like “all care for others has been driven from my person.” She swore up and down, crying, that it had nothing to do with some other dude, and has called me crying about missing me several times since, and wanting me to come over and hold her. Now, one of her close girlfriends warned me that she was crazy and shit before I even got to know her. In fact, she “met” (read:stalked) me over facebook where I don’t give a shit if people see my profile until I gave in and actually met her. Since we’ve broken up, it’s been a constant influx of passive-aggressive emails and text messages, one day being real nice, even sexually provocative, one day just saying horrible mean shit that’s completely untrue about my personality flaws. Never once have we actually seen each other face to face in the last 3 months. So any attempts to be “friends” are tenuous at best, but she did know how to fuck real well, so it’s kind of a bummer, and she stills contacts me a couple times a week. Again, only texts or emails.

    I know I should probably just ignore her and be curt, but problem is, I don’t really have that many friends in this college town I live in. I’m an old man by their standards, and there’s not a huge hip-hop scene, it’s more of a punk rock beard farmer vibe that I can’t stand. More troublesome still is I’m a former alcoholic, so I don’t go out and meet chicks all the time to avoid the dipshit party girls from the college, although I do know 4 or 5 girls from back in the day who I know for certain wanna fuck, but they all live in different cities and states. So, it’s not like I’m a gargoyle or anything, and I’m pretty outgoing and fun socially, but bars just aren’t my scene. Compounding this is that I have had some performance anxiety issues in the past, and it kinda makes me avoid committing to these chicks I know I could fuck. Traveling a couple hundred miles for some poon and then being too anxious is not a good look. And I’ve never once had casual sex or a one night stand, I usually like to chill with the same girl for a while. Despite the fact that the girls I HAVE fucked have all remarked on how I have a big dick and am good in bed (oral and all that shit).

    Kind of a fucked up situation to be in, man, and annoying. Lately I’ve just been kicking it at home hermit-steez and avoiding it altogether and watching scads of porn. It’s not a “slump” because that implies girls aren’t interested in me; they are, I’m just not interested in one night stands and shit. I know, probably every dude who reads this is gonna think I’m some crazy monk wearing a beard shirt. Any advice on how to meet some chicks that you can get to know in a non-bar situation? I’m an atheist, too, so church pot-lucks are out of the question.

    • Snarky: Your dick is small and you’re terrible in bed. Now, take that blow and work your way up. If compliments aren’t helping your ego, maybe some good old fashioned belittling might light a fire under your ass.

      REAL TALKZ: Damn man…rough situation. Lemme try and attack things one at a time
      1)Obviously, this girl you were fucking is a lunatic. You know this. I know how appealing good sex can be but the bottom line is that you’re setting yourself up to an insane amount of drama with someone who sounds bi-polar (and just a mess all around). Anytime a friend of the girl tells you that their friend is crazy (in a bad way) that’s a huge sign that you’re in for some shit. Great sex may be part of that equation but so may waking up with a necklace made of dead mice at the foot of your bed.

      2)as for the dating advice, that’s a tough call. I’ve never lived in a small college town so I really have no clue how little that must seem. You don’t drink, which while awesome for your well being, is awful for your social life. You’re not a male whore so going out and picking up sluts at the supermarket is out as well. You also mentioned that you don’t have many friends in the town which is also a bummer cause it’s a known fact that the best way to meet people it through friends in common. Well, with all this being true, I still think that the best route for you would be the “meeting friends friends” angle. Even though you may have limited choices , if you have any friends, they must know some people. what about where ever you work?
      Also, AA meetings. I know it’s against the AA code but I always see hot girls coming out of AA meetings at this church near my house so I gotta assume there would be options there. and , on top of that, I’d imagine two former alcoholics would have a lot to talk about.
      If you don’t feel like dealing with the 4 or 5 girls you do know you could fuck, that’s understandable. But, it’s nice to know the option is there. Sometimes random fucking is all you need to kick start your mojo again. I remember when I was around 28, I went through this 6 month draught. I finally got laid and for the next three months I was an unstoppable force. It evened me out nicely. I understand if that’s not your style but, i’m just saying, you’d be surprised the positive effect having sex will have on you. And the performance issues are all in your head. You know this. That kind of shit snow balls so try no to dwell on it. PErhaps, break the chain by fucking one of those 4-5 girls who you know. Particularly on who you’re comfortable with and feel is cool and understanding. Worst case, your dick doesn’t work that day. But a cool, understanding girl can help a guy get over that hump.

  8. Thanks Block, just what I needed to hear, man.

    I work at home on my own business, so that limits options there as well. And I never needed AA, that shit’s mad depressing (had to go to it court-appointed and all that higher power shit eats my soul). Trust me, those chicks are jacked either way. And the 4 or 5 girls are all old high-school/college buddies who know each other, so I just don’t need that chatty drama/jealousy. Hope is not lost, though, I actually met a couple cuties from my actual town through OKCupid. I guess just meeting more people is the key to success, but when the whole town’s economy is based on booze, college football, and punk rock it makes it slightly more difficult for a hip-hop head who could give a shit about those things. Maybe I just need a move to a new scene with more people of varied interests.

    It’s weird, I’ve never, ever had self-confidence issues talking to women. I’m a fucking charmer with a rascally sense of humor, if I do say so myself. Girls tend to like me. I just rarely seal the deal to avoid the embarrassment if something does indeed happen (or not happen). Which, as you said, is totally in my head. SECRETS OF THE HUMAN BRAIN!

    Anyways, man, take care, your beats rule.

  9. Hello Tony. I recently got with this guy who seems to be pretty awesome. It turns out he gets turned on by wearing girls underwear, he claimed this is where he drew the line but it turns out he also likes to wear stockings too. I don’t know if i’m cool with it. Some advice please, Block. One love.

      • You don’t buy it? Why? Dude im freakin’ serious!
        Thanks for the advice none the less. I’ve been thinking all day how strange it is that none of my friends know about my dilemma, yet one of my fav producers does. I think thats a little bit more weird than a guy wearing panties!

  10. What up Tony,

    I saw you in a sketchy ass garage dungeon venue in ATL with BMSR and Aesop a few years back – one of my favorite shows ever.

    Anyway, I have this obviously terrible situation with blatant red flags but I’m comfortable in my own filth and need someone to tell me to do the obvious thing and man up. Also, here’s some bullshit excuses I tell myself about how it’s not THAT BAD and it’ll probably even get better on it’s own, ya know? What do you think I should do? Keep it easy and get my roll on in the squalor and depression?

    • Can you be more detailed? That was a touch vague.

      That said, Red flags are red flags for a reason. DO NOT ENTER. If you’re the type who likes self destructive behavior, then you’re gonna do that shit anyway and I’d venture to say you’re issues are far deeper than this one situation. Go see a shrink if that’s the case. if this is a one off situation and you’re taking a walk on the wild side, proceed with caution but , fuck it, test the waters. just be prepared to jump the shark the second shit gets weird.

      • Late 07 on the show. A shed with a garage door opened into a dungeon like venue. It was creepy as shit at first…

      • Hate to intervene a day late and dollar short but….the venue is MJQ….and I missed that show because I lost my patience after waiting 3 hours for the tunes to start and left….I’m a little more patient these days so I’ve been eagerly anticipating a return to Atlanta (I hate the abbreviation ATL)….
        REG, red flags and filth don’t mix…but I’m know problem solver like Blockhead….

  11. oh wow, I cannot tell u how happy I am about this .. I don’t have a question, or “problem” per say, just yet, but I WILL think of one.. if nothing else, just because of the sheer joy seeing this gave me.. fun

  12. Wadup Dr.T!
    I’ve been “official” with my girl for a few weeks now, but things are pretty shaky, I mean we don’t really see much of each other and the last few times i’ve definitely gotten that “she’s not really that in to you” vibe. S’okay, a loss is a loss, but i’m resigned to see this one through until she breaks it off. What I’m wondering is, what is your take on the rules of chivalry in regards to hanging out with other chicks? I’m not talking about doing anything romantic with them, but if i’m still in a relationship is it a foul play for me to kick it solo with some other girl (whom i would totally bone were i single)? Whether or not things are going well, i would never actually cheat on a girl, but am I going to look like a dick?

    • It’s a slippery slope. On one hand, your girl is seemingly on the verge of blowing you off. On the other, you’re still technically with her.
      I’m guessing here but you sound pretty young (anytime someone is referring to a two week relationship that already has issues, i tend to think it’s someone young) so, I think it’s ok for you to hang with this other girl. Don’t mess with her but lay some possible groundwork. I only say this cause of the picture you’ve painted of your girl being not into you. There’s nothing wrong with planting some seeds while you’re on your way out of another relationship. You’re only a dick in this situation if
      1)your girl in fact is very happy with you and has no intention of breaking up with you
      2)You girl is friends with this other girl
      3)If you do break up and then eventually hook up with this girl, you rub it in your ex’s face.
      As I said , you’re very likely young and if there is ever time to not stress serious relationships. it’s then. Just have fun. Just be careful that you’re reading the signs your girl is giving you correctly.
      granted, who knows, she might be cheating on you already…

  13. Hey Doctor Tony,
    Love the beats, love the blog.

    I’m a 23 year old guy who lives in the Village. I’m not a hipster, not a rich kid, not into finance, and really am only here because I got a sweet deal on my apartment and my job. I don’t like ironic beards or boat shoes. I’m kind of goofy, pretty social, very witty and interesting (Though you’d never be able to tell from this.) and I dig most dude things. And NYU girls are the most boring people I’ve ever met in my life, but they’re everywhere.
    Many of my friends have left NYC recently due to job offers and job layoffs and grad schools and what-not, so I’m sure my two or so friends left are getting sick of me.

    Where do you suggest I go to meet some, well, other normal, down-to-earth and somewhat intelligent friendly people in the Village? Day life, night life, whatever. I’ve learned that it’s kind of hard to make friends at this age. Girls are a plus, but I’ve usually done ok with that.

    Thanks in advance.

    • Man, I got a lot of lonely readers.
      Well, you’re in the village. That’s a good thing. I dunno why you’re stressing the whole hipster thing as the village isn’t exactly a hot bed for shit like that. If anything, you’re too young to really wanna live there. I’m not a huge fan of hipsters myself but there are tons of shit to do in NYC and sometimes, they’re just gonna be there. I mean, shit, they’re everywhere. That said, hipsters are like you and me. Some suck but some are fine. Don’t write off places just cause of how they dress. I would suggest hitting bars with friends in the L.E.S. . it’s a younger crowd and full of hot girls. Sure, there are gonna be dipshits there but I’m afraid there is no perfect bar out there that exists that will be perfect all the time. Williamsburg is fun too, if you’re looking for girls. It’s a fucking meat market out there.
      As far as the village goes, I honestly don’t go to bars around here and grew up in the west village. It’s a tad yuppie-fied for my taste. East village, lower east side and williamsburg are really where anyone between 21 and 30 in NYC should be.

  14. Hi Dr. Tony!

    As of right now I am getting my A.A.S. degree in Audio engineering(1 quarter left), and I really love it and its my passion to work with anything audio related. Catch is I live in Spokane Washington and there is really nothing local that will interest me in the field. So I have an offer to move to Portland, where there will definitely be more opportunities to get work that I enjoy. Second catch is that I have a girlfriend of two years, she is very sheltered and afraid of “big cities”. I do love her but I feel if I don’t get out of here, I won’t be able to pursue my career goals. So I guess what I’m asking is, should I just get the hell out of here and leave her behind? Also is it even a good idea to go into audio engineering right now, considering the state of the music industry? Thanks for making great music and having a hilarious blog!

    • I dunno the details of you and your girl (how long you’ve been together and how much you really care about her) but if you’re pursuing a goal that cannot be achieved where you are, then you gotta move on. If she’s tied into Spokane due to other things, that makes it difficult. But if she’s simply doesn’t wanna move cause of the “big City”, then it might be time to leave her ass behind. Portland is a fun city and , honestly, you might have more fun there single anyway.

    • A Portlander chimes in:
      I know it’s been a few days, but hopefully this will be worth something.
      I would first advise doing a lot of job searching before committing to your move. The market here is fucked up. I’ve been unemployed for almost a year now.
      As for your girl… If you really like her, I would say bring her here for a weekend or two. Just for fun to let her see what it’s like. If she’s nervous about the “big city” aspect, tell her to let it go because Portland is the smallest big city there is. Take her to dinner at a food truck in the PSU neighborhood then grab a Mercury (free local newspaper) and find a show…or two or three. Portland is charming as fuck and I’ll be damned if she doesn’t fall in love with it.
      Good luck!

  15. Dear Dr. Tony. I thought it would be funny to sing that soz song to my girlfriend, you know that one you posted. She proceeded to break up with me because she thinks im too serious about the rap thing. wtf man. now my problem unlike the rest of these kids does not involve pussy, but rather whether to hide my girlfriends body, or burn it…
    Any suggestions? Please get back to me ASAP, her friends think shes been at a drug rehabilitation facility for 3 days. Their asking questions.

    P.S. I killed her to your “lost beat”, “synthy retard”
    Classy Shit.

  16. So ever since I was little I’ve never had many girl friends, I was the only girl on the block out of like 20 kids, anyways, I’m not a dyke, and I don’t dress like a dude or any of that; But for some odd reason I just get along with guys than I do girls. Also I’ve always had friends that are much older than me, so this brings me to my situation:
    I’ve known this guy for about 4 years we’ve become really good friends through art and graffiti. Keep in mind he’s 27 (I’m 20) he has a kid, has been divorced and is always living one place to another. So Halloween weekend came and he asked me what I was going to do and I said I didn’t know yet. so he invited me to this party. and I told him that I wouldn’t say I was going fur sure because My boyfriend is lookin for stuff too and yada yada…”
    Then he calls me and said “IDK about your boyfriend” and I said what about him?
    And he’s all “It’s just your boyfriend he’s ehh”
    and automatically I’m like WTF?
    He said “I’m not trying to chill with your boyfriend I’m trying to chill with you, I’m just saying if You weren’t with him I’d try to get you.”
    So I said “Why are you telling me this, what are you trying to get at?”
    And he said just forget it and i havn’t spoken to him since. I know exactly what he was saying and this isn’t the first time this situation has happened with guy friends.
    so my question to you is why do guys do this? Do they think I’m going to be like “Oh yes I’m going to leave my boyfriend and run to the sun with you?”

    Also how do you make girl friends? haha so lame but I’m not really into clubbing im obviously not old enough to go clubbing, idk if it’s just a phase or am I going to have to fake that shopping is a hobby?
    Thanks!

    • Lemme power point this one:
      1)Most girls your age are awful. I don’t blame you for not getting along with them. Still, it’s strange for a girl to not have ANY close girlfriends. You should at least have one.
      2)This guy is a creep. You were 16 when he met you. now he wants to hit it? He’s a scumbag and avoid him.
      3)ok, sad truth time…GUys do that kinda shit cause, in reality, we don’t value the friendship of girls that much. Obviously, there are exceptions, but most guys who are buddies with girls , pretty much are just waiting around for a chance to fuck her. Especially younger girls. I’ve got plenty of close girl friends but I’ve either known them forever, hooked up with them already, or they’ve always had boyfriends so it was never an issue. Rest assured, when I was single, any “new” girl I met who I befriended was someone I wanted to sleep with.
      4)This guy was that forward with you cause he simply didn’t care. If you said yes, he gets to fuck you. If you said no, he shrugs his shoulders and keeps it moving. In reality, he was never your “Friend”, but just some guy who wanted to fuck you since you were a kid. Good times!

      • I mean I do have like 2 close girl friends but they’re my cousins who are like 9 months apart. Does that count? haha

  17. Dear Dr. Tony,

    I’m almost 23 living in Kalamazoo, MI. I’m in my fourth year of college trying to finish up a marketing degree.

    My problem is I’m quickly losing motivation with school and really hate where I’m living. I live two streets down from a road called “Frat Village” just to give you an idea of the area and what kind of people I put up with.

    I know it’s important to have a college education to be able to support myself and possibly a family down the line, but I’ve gotten to the point where I would rather be out in the world traveling and meeting new people. I have about a year left of school and am trying to decide whether to finish up here in Michigan or move out to Colorado where I feel I’ll be much happier. My question is, how important is college, REALLY? also, do you think moving out of Michigan will make that big of a difference in my quality of life, or is life shitty pretty much everywhere?

    • You’ve done 3 years. Why not just stick it out and finish and then get the fuck out of michigan. Honestly, I’m a college drop out who got lucky with music. If this music shit hadn’t panned out, I don’t know what I’d be doing. While I know school was worthless to me, if you’re trying to get a real job in the future , you’re gonna need it.
      As for leaving michigan, if you feel it’s time to try something new, do it. Don’t live somewhere cause you think it’s what you’re supposed to do. spread you wings and fly ,you Mariah Carey ass motherfucker!

  18. hey, im a producer,
    (and just so you know, I’m not one of the corny ones who is bound to fail at becoming anything near successful. I’m just making music for myself right now, and so it’s impossible to fail, since my only goal is to make music. Thought I should clarify that because when post people say they make beats they are trying to be the “next ___” insert producer here)
    But the more i get into it the more i realize that i need a name. And the whole name thing is pretty important. I know the story behind yours, and behind other musicians stage names. But after making beats for a few years, nothing has come to me. I’m not asking you to name me, but where should I be looking for this type of shit? And do you have any tips based on things you’ve noticed about “good” producer/rapper names and “bad” ones?

    • Names are tricky. It’s easy to pick a terrible one that doesn’t age well. I know I regret mine every thanksgiving when my older family members think they’re being hilarious by saying “hey blockhead, pass the gravy!”.
      I’d say pick a name that somehow relates to you. A play off your own name perhaps. Avoid anything that sounds mystical or like a science word. Shit like that is corny and ages badly.

      aslo, I dunno what kinda beats you make but something slightly humorous never hurts.
      but, if all else doesn’t stick, you always have your real name. There’s no shame in that.

  19. Dr. Tony,

    Should I trade Chris Bosh in my fantasy league for
    Anthony Randolph & Louis Williams?

    Its hard to see Bosh being productive in Miami this year, with those other two stat hogs around.
    What a waste of a 2nd Round Pick!

    Also do you know a simple way for me to hide my enormous penis from women? They are always grabbing it & it has become sore. I am literally asked daily if I am stuffing my pants with a sock.

    Thanks,

    Hung like a Horse

  20. Cliff Notes version:

    1. We’ve been together for a year, on and off.
    2. Generally, we like each other more than we dislike each other, but it’s clear there isn’t a heavy future.
    3. The sex is good. So that helps.

    So is it fair to stay in a relationship of convenience?

    • You answered your own question. Sounds like a glorified booty call that spun out of control. Good sex is hard to turn away but it’s clear this shit isn’t going anywhere. This is one of those “hit it for as long as you can before shits blows up in your face” situations that eventually gets messy. Play along accordingly.

  21. Dear Blockhead,
    Thanks for the music & thanks for the advice. I can tell it’s quality. Here’s the background: In the love/relationships/girls aspect of my life, my goal is pretty much to be the sexiest dude on the planet to whatever female i might happen to let suck my dick, ahem, i mean, hold hands with and shit like that. its not exactly for selfish reasons (although.. ya know), but its because i feel bad for girls who go on 2 dates with a girl & by the 3rd date they suddenly lose interest in the dude. the dude has no idea why, & its soo interesting that often even the girl dont know why. basically, its common sense that a woman would desire a man who she feels ridiculously attracted to, and i want to deliver. so here i am, making hella progress with that goal, & now im in a relationship thats been 1.5 years so far and its been the best yet. the problem is that my girl is nuts about me. like, TOO nuts. she hates any human being with a vag ’cause she thinks they’re trying to shove my dick in it when she’s not around. but, my girl is like i said TOO nuts about me, so she zips her mouth shut.. so i only randomly hear these little freudian slips about murdering the female cashier who godforbid made eye contact with me when she handed me my change. also, even though i have a girlfriend & im not trying to attract females anymore, females just wont leave me alone. i literally complain when i get home about how hard my day was, running away from all these hungry wet vajayjays. so, two questions: 1. am i doomed, whenever i start dating a girl, to have her fall in love with me, and then take it further & start to obess about me and turn into a crazy chick? even though when i first met her she could have had above average game but i just cant help but turn this female player into an obessive puppy love dick hungry lunatic? 2. how do i let a random female know she needs to back off ’cause im in a relationship and i dont want “cheater” to be something i can be labeled with, and im honestly not interested. if i say i have a girlfriend or ignore them they think im playing hard to get. acting like an asshole doesnt work ’cause girls love jerks. if i try to say shit about me thats unattractive or creepy, they think im joking or im being ironic! i just want to be able to live without breaking every heart i pass by. any advice would be appreciated.

    • Okay…A few things:
      1)Contrary to what you may think, it’s not your amazing dick game that is sending this girl into an emotional tailspin every time you go to the supermarket. No, I’d say it’s just the type of girls she is. She no doubt has strong feelings for you but she’s also just an extremely insecure and immature person to be acting that way. These types of girls tend to get obsessive over boyfriends in general and she sounds not different. I think most guys have experienced this in one way or another. IT sucks.
      2)You’re “trying to be the sexiest man on the planet” part gave me douche chills. That’s some fabio shit. you’re better than that. It’s great that you want to keep the sexiness within your relationship alive but striving for some cornball shit like that is pretty pointless.
      3)Are you doomed? Not at all. You just attract crazy girls. I’m also assuming you’re fairly young (of you date young girls) and that plays into it as well. don’t get me wrong, girls are all sorts of crazy. But, if you really wanna change this kinda thing in your life, stop seeking out the crazy ones.
      4)It’s pretty easy to ward off the advances of women. Just be honest. if they keep coming, stand your ground. in the end, they look super pathetic and leave upset but, hey, they’re the ones trying to fuck the taken man. it’s in the cards for them to get played.

  22. hey blockhead. so, i know the majority of these questions are about love… i got a moving question. i currently live with my wife and two cats (i know you hate them) in a quaint, old apartment in a nice, hippie/yuppie neighborhood right on the maryland/D.C. border. it’s basically an old house that was split up into 4 separate apartments. our rent is super low, and the neighborhood is quite nice (some nice trees, etc. without being in the middle of the damn wilderness).

    the only problem is that our apartment is a pretty small one. we’ve got a bit of storage and are able to manage, but we’re thinking of moving closer downtown, to both a) be closer to excitement (restaurants, bars, etc.) while we’re still young, and b) get a little bit more space in the meantime. the problem with this is, we’ll end up paying a lot more to live closer to these things. also, i’m worried that we’ll move into a faceless, gigantic highrise with really shitty management and lose a lot of the convenience/ease that comes with living in a more spread-out, nice neighborhood.

    i know you’re pretty much a city dude for life. and, we are pretty much already in the city anyway. any advantages that you can think of by going downtown vs. staying a bit more on the outside? we’re right around 30, and will probably end up going out to the suburbs when we sell out and have kids, etc. in 5 years or so. is it worth paying a bit more now to enjoy life before the world breaks our spirits (haha)??? just seeing if there’s anything you can think of that i might not have considered yet for going either way.

    • As you said, I’m a city for life dude. So, in my mind, there’s not even a question what I would do. That said, I’m not you.
      But here’s the question, moving closer to the city would give you a bigger apartment? I’m confused. I thought the point of living in the burbs was having more space and not being crowded. Have you considered just moving to a different house (a bigger house) in the burbs? I’d imagine that house would still be cheaper than renting in the city, no? If not, then just move to the city. There’s nothing wrong with living in an apartment. Space is space. If you live in a tiny ass house, why not move to decent sized apartment?

  23. dr. ol’ uncle tony,

    i wouldn’t say i’m a ladies man by any means. lately it just seems to be my luck that looser girls have wanted to hook up. we fuck a couple times and either one of us moves on. can’t complain.

    i recently started talking to a girl i knew for about a year. didn’t know much about her, and we recently been talking a lot. so we hungout a few times, and i suggested we hangout halloween. we did, we stayed at one of her friends houses, just the three of us, some vodka and some rum. alcohol got the best of us, i wanted to be the caring male and put her to bed without trying to hook up with her. that’s when shit hit the fan, i ended up fucking her friend. first time i ever met the girl, and i was wasted. i ended up waking up to girl throwing shit at me as i was in bed with her friend.

    now normally i wouldn’t complain about the situation. i’d tip my cap and walk on. but talking to this girl previous to halloween had made me want to fuck her, and hangout with her. still would like to, dare i say it, start a relationship, of sorts.

    so basically my question is; how can i make this girl forgive me for fucking her friend, and give me a second chance?

    • That’s gonna be a tough one to overcome. Now, i dunno if she’s forgiven her friend but I’d assume you’re the bad guy in this situation (in her eyes). I think it’s safe to say you shit the bed here and blew your chance with the initial girl. However, time does cure more things and there’s a chance, sometime down the line, you may get a second crack. But even then, the fact you fucked her friend will always be there looming and most girls (unless they REALLY like a guy) can’t get over that when considering a dude they might date seriously.
      So, basically, you might get to hit it down the line but wifing her up is highly unlikely.
      If you wanna try at least make things civil, own up to everything and be apologetic. The “I was drunk” line is some bullshit but it might help ease the blow to her ego a little and , when added to you telling her she’s the one you liked and you made a huge mistake, it could smooth thing out enough to where she doesn’t hate you forever.

  24. Two questions for you, wise sir.

    I recently met a guy on a plane ride to this music festival. We had good conversation and got along. He was traveling with his roommate, who sat in the back, and whom I didn’t get to meet til later at the festival. Well, it turns out that I’m actually more interested in the roommate than the guy I spoke to on the plane. And now that we’re back in the city, this guy wants to hang out, but I know that I’m not physically attracted to him. Would it be worth hanging out to see his roommate again? What’s the code for these sort of things? Once I initiate a “friendship” with one guy are all his friends automatically out of question?

    The second question: what’s the best way to be straight up with a guy to not expect anything more than friendship? I can never figure out the timing with this, or if it’s even appropriate.

    • Luckily, you’re dealing with men here. this would far more tricky the other way around. You do something as simple as ask the dude about his roommate. but even easier than that would be to perhaps use all the social networks we have at our disposal and start your own connection with the roommate. Nothing too forward but something obviously flirty and open ended. The beauty of this is that, it’ll hip the roommate to your interest, he’ll no doubt tell the initial guy and , perhaps, it’ll all sort it out. In general, guy code for situations like this is to back off and let the dude with the better chance have a go at it. This isn’t always the case though , as some dudes are totally possessive dip shits who “Claim” girls when they don’t even have a chance. I suppose you gotta hope that the initial guy isn’t like that. If he’s not, you’re good to go. If he is, you just might have to be way more blunt about it and straight up tell him you like his friend. That is, if you do really want to see him again.
      And initiating friendship with one guy in no way makes you off limits to his friends. In fact, that makes it open season on you. The guy in the friend zone may not be crazy about that but, tough fucking luck , bro.

      • I wouldn’t recommend asking dude A (dude from the plane) about dude B or showing any interest in him until you have a method of getting a hold of dude B independent of dude A set up. If you show interest in dude B to dude A who is obviously interested in you he very well may try to sabotage any chance of dude B getting at you. what I’d do is invite both dude A and dude B to some sort of outing in which you generally spend the majority of your time and effort snaring dude B in to your web of lady lust. If for some reason you have to spend extended amounts of time with dude A while laying the groundwork with dude B do not under any circumstance do ANYTHING that may be construed as flirting with dude A. be pleasant enough for the hang out sessions to continue to happen but just enough for that. anything more and the dude will probably think you want to fuck him which will cause problems between dude A and dude B when you finally throw the vag at dude B.

  25. Doc,

    I am borderline unemployed. I have a ph.d in literature and a foreign language with way too much education living in ohio where i will never use my language skills. write now I am temping, doing data entry in a large corporate headquarters. I have a girlfriend and am not willing to break up with her and just move anywhere in the world. What sort of job advice do you have in this economy?

    • Damn son, you really shit the bed when picking what to get your PH.d’s in. I’m assuming there’s no kind of jobs for you around where you live (No universities are hiring?). I’m also assuming your girl is not willing to move elsewhere.
      If that’s the case, I’m afraid you’re stuck. If you can’t move and can’t get a job in any of your specialties, then this is the life you’ve chosen.
      but, the fact that you are well educated should be able to get you a better job than the one you have now. I know the market is shitty and jobs are scarce but data entry is well below what you should be doing. honestly, you’d make better money bartending.

  26. DO YOU KNOW WHERE MY DOG IS? his name is “which one of you jerks drank my arnold palmer”. I googled it and you were the first non porn site that came up. Secondly, in the wake of all the recent political turmoil surrounding the recent midterm elections, and passing of the blame between both our prominent political parties, do you feel we can accurately lay the blame on either the republicans or democrats in the black and white manner portrayed in the recent campaigns? Or is it a combination of both the people and the government. Just interested in your opinion. Oh and the dog. if you see him. Mail him back. He has a spot type of situation on his body. Thanks,

    Eddy “Mario AdrEDDY” Andretti

    • If I see the dog, I’m selling him on the black market. it’s the right thing to do.
      As for the recent elections, I think the blame falls squarely on the shoulders on stupid, angry , misinformed americans. Poor people voted against their own best interests and that’s pretty much the US in a nutshell.

  27. Whats up Doc. (No fu-schniken)

    Do you know anywhere in the NYC area that can repair an ASR-X or an ASR-10?

    Also, is the streets ready for that new greg nice solo album?

    Sorry no relationship advice. Maybe later though..

    • I do!
      call this number: 212 563 4514
      They fix all things ensoniq. It’s on the west side on 31st street (I think, you might wanna double check)

      as for greg nice, the streets are not talking.

  28. So I got this crispy, pretty mint ASR10 that I barely use and barely know how to use. I’m usually on Reason and Pro Tools. But I’m not fully happy with Reason—wanna try out some other software or hardware. Should I get into the ASR? Or maybe sell it to cop something non-obsolete like an MPC or Ableton? I hate to sell vintage equipment like the ASR, but funds are limited.

    • umm…hold on to it cause I might buy it from you one day.
      Regardless of that, I’d hold onto it. I use that and abelton together and it’s awesome. It really depends if you’re willing to learn the machine or not.

  29. What’s up, Blockhead?

    I’m an aspiring musician/producer from minneapolis, MN going to school at Northwestern University in Evanston, IL. I’ve been making beats since I was 13; people really seem to enjoy my shit, and I think if I had the right exposure I could do something significant musically.

  30. (continued)
    oops, my bad. pressed enter too soon.

    Anyways, I wondering, in this day and age, what do you think would be the best method of getting my shit out there? i’ve been thinking about starting my own site/blog just releasing a bunch of free stuff and promoting the shit out of it. those odd future guys inspired me in that aspect. But, does releasing my music for free devalue it in a way? should I be charging people?

    • honestly, it seems for new artists that it’s free or nothing. Odd Future are a perfect example. The only people who buy records anymore are old people who were around before the internet and people who are die hard fans. As a new artist, you just need to be heard. Your music doesn’t have value (money wise) until there’s an audience. until then, give it all away.

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