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I am 33 years old and I think I still don’t know how to deal with a guy.I met a guy recently. we started meeting each other late at night in his place or mine. after 5 times seeing each other we slept with each other. I was so surprised that I am still a virgin. But my problem with him is I feel am fooling myself. He doesn’t call me , he just texts me. We never spoke about dating each other and I asked him a couple days ago to stop meeting me at night I told him it’s rude. Any way , in nutshell I feel I was available for him. Please guide me.
I don’t know what to do.
Man…33 year old virgin? That’s pretty rough…as well as unheard of. Assuming he knows that about you, it’s hard to not make that the focus of what’s going on here. From what you’ve described to me,I feel as though this dude was setting you up for a strictly sexual relationship. Late night meetings, no speaking on the phone. Those are all tell tale signs of being a booty call. However, if you’re not giving up the sex, I gotta think he’s not into it. Not to be a bummer but it’s gonna take a very particular type of guy to want to settle down with a 33 year old virgin. That’s a responsibility in the eyes of many men. This guy is not that guy. You gotta find a dude who’s willing to wait. Perhaps a religious guy? I dunno. Regardless, your virginity is gonna be an issue. Unless you find a creep who gets turned on by taking virginities…which doesn’t exactly sound like it’s up your alley.
eventually, you’ll meet a dude who loves that you’re a virgin but it might be a wait. If you don’t mind me asking, why are still a virgin? Waiting for the right guy , religion or something else? Knowing that would actually help me answer this question much better.
Regarding what you should actually do, I’d say just move on cause there is no way this is what you’re looking for. He’s making himself available in a way that is not gonna suddenly morph into an awesome relationship. If your starting point is late night meetings and only texting, it rarely gets better.
dear dr. tony,
a couple months ago i started talking to this gorgeous girl and even
better she’s smart sarcastic and funny. we talked for a week started
hanging out as friends, and we were having a blast. it was dope for
once i was with a girl i had a genuine interest in. so we’re hanging
out just as friends, me being a guy of course i’m thinking about
hooking up with her, but she’s harder to read i’m not sure if she’s
into me that way. we make plans to go over to her girl friends house
for a night to drink and watch movies. so the night comes, we spend
the day together it’s great i think to myself “hell tonight i’m not
even gonna try and fuck her, just a kiss would do” i want to seem like
boyfriend material not some average scumbag. fast forward a few hours,
we’re at her friends house (i’d never met this friend before, but we
kinda make small talk, i’m mostly focused on the girl i came with) we
start drinking, before we know it the shit vodka we’d been drinking is
empty. all three of us are pretty hammered. the girl i like is laying
on the floor so i think let’s get you more comfortable, i help her up
and go lay her on a bed we start talking before i know it we’re making
out in a drunken haze i say “you’re too drunk blah blah blah” *bam*
before i know it her friend is laying with us unbuttoning my pants. i
stand up kind of thinking the situation over…the girl i like has
passed out. naturally i start fucking her friend. the rest is a
*flick* a light in the room goes on waking me up. something hard gets
thrown at me. i realize i’m laying next to her naked friend, the girl
i genuinely like has just thrown something at me to wake me up. she
leaves the room. i jump up find my pants and follow her. we sit in
silence with out a word being said for more than an hour. i can’t find
the appropriate response for what’s just happened. she’s fuming with
anger she doesn’t want to look at me let alone speak. finally
something is said by one of us, i can hardly recall the night. we
start talking. we stay up for a couple hours talking. we end up
snuggling and passing out. we sleep for a couple hours wake up before
her friend does, and we leave. the drive home i tried holding her hand
but she wasn’t really having it…
everyday for a week i’m profusely apologizing, she shrugs them off
like “what happened happened no need to dwell on it” i tell her how
much i cared about her and how highly i think of her. no combination
of words is helping. after feeling like all hope is gone i have to
stop talking to her, i had to distance myself. shit sucks. start
talking to other girls but they don’t really compare as cliche as it
sounds. after all this time she hasn’t tried to contact me, i haven’t
tried to contact her, but i can’t help but wonder how things could of
turned out. any ways what i’m getting at is: i’ve given time for the
smoke to clear, do you think i can mend what’s happened between me and
her? is there some way i can get her back? i could really use your
Damn son. You fucked up. The thing about the excuse of “We were drunk…” is that it’s simply not valid. If you really didn’t wanna fuck that other girl, you wouldn’t have. Hell, being THAT wasted is especially no excuse cause once you reach the point of blackout, it’s hard to even get an erection. I understand that drunken choices are different
(ie:not always brilliant) but they are still choices you made and you have to live with them.
I say all that cause I think the girl you like probably feels the same way. She probably liked you (judging from her super disappointed reaction, I’d say it’s fairly obvious) and you shattered the image of you that she had. Granted, if she genuinely liked you she should get over that shit and just deal with it but I’m afraid that’s not something many girls can do in a situation like this. Ideally, you’d hope she’d have the understanding to know that what happened between you and that girl meant nothing but I’m afraid it doesn’t work like that. Apparently, the excuse(which is also a reality) of “It meant nothing” holds no weight with girls when they’re feelings are involved. That’s unfortunate cause most sex as a single man really means nothing except that you get to have sex. Oh life! you’re a fucking cunt!
It seems to me like she’s hit the “off” button on her feelings for you so you’re up shits creek. Because of that, I say why not make one last effort to mend things? You’ve got nothing to lose. You could do this two ways. The slow way and fast way.
One would be to try and slowly work your way back in. Send little texts, facebook messages. Shit like that. Don’t bombard her with shit just sprinkle her (word to E-40). Just to get the communication ball rolling. sometimes unthreatening/non-desperate advances will reacquaint her with the familiarity you once had. Remind her of why she liked you when things between to the two of you were more lighthearted and innocent.
The other angle you could take would be the tell all email.Just put everything out on the table. Tell her exactly how you feel. Depending how competent a writer you can be, this can work wonders. Just be honest with her and don’t spend the whole letter apologizing for fucking that other girl. In fact, gloss over that like it meant so little you barely even recall it happening.
Both these things could work or backfire but I feel like they’re the two best options you have now.
Girls who are incapable of orgasm with a dude– Fake the O or no? I know at least 2 women who can masturbate all day and achieve multiple climax. But, put them in a room with a penis and all that’s shot to shit. I’ve asked if foreplay with dudes helps, but, one of the girls says she can only cum while with her man if she handles herself while he watches. What to do, since nobody really wants to fuck somebody who isn’t coming… Or at least seeming to?
Also, I should mention that ALL my friends, myself included, claim to enjoy sex even when we can’t finish…
Lots to cover here. time for some bullet points:
1) Fake Orgasm
I’m a strong believer in people not faking orgo. The only time it’s okay is if you’re a girl who normally does cum but you’re over that particular session and you want the dude to get off of you. But , for girls who don’t cum, I think it’s a bad move. Mostly cause it sets a bad precedent. If you “cum” once , then you’ll eventually feel like you have to come every time…and you’re basically just piling up lies. Kinda reminds me of this song
I think something girls underrate is that some guys love a challenge. Hearing a girl can’t cum garners two reactions
a)eh..I’m lazy and don’t care. I’ll pass
b)I will break my neck trying to change that.
Regardless of whether it’s something a dude can actually change, the ones who set their sights on “fixing” the problem do not want any pity-gasms.
The dudes who are “Meh” are shitty in bed anyway and could probably care less if you fake it.
2)The fact of the matter is that MOST girls can’t cum from a dick going in and out of them. Most need clitoral stimulation. I don’t think any guy is complaining about a girl playing with herself during sex. In fact, I think many guys would think that’s hot. I’m sure there are some bullheaded motherfuckers out there who think they have a magic dick who might get their manhood offended at the idea of getting help outside of their own groin, but fuck those guys. They don’t understand much beyond “dick goes in, dick goes out”.
3)I’m not gonna lie, dudes definitely would rather a girl be able to cum. There’s a great quote in “Rules of attraction” where he says “I won’t sleep with a girl who can’t cum. It’s like asking questions in a letter”. That shit always cracked me up. Obviously, men would rather be able to satisfy the woman they are with. For many of us, it’s a point of pride. It’s as much courtesy as it is their own ego.
That said, there is room to work. There are plenty of guys out there who see girls like that as an exciting challenge. The male ego is set to want to be the best. The thought of being the first guy to actually make a girl cum is extremely exciting and rewarding to most guys. This means tons of cunnilingus, tons of clit fiddling during sex and a gracious acceptance of bringing toys into bed. The only downside of this is I feel like girls can catch wind of this and get turned off at the idea of being “a sexual project” and not a person that the guy actually cares about. This is certainly a slippery slope but , being a guy, I think the girls should just get over that shit , quit reading into everything so deeply and be happy they’re with a guy who’s willing to try and get to the bottom of this problem.
4)Most girls can cum some way or another. A lot of times it has to do with comfort. That’s why there are so many girls who can masturbate to a climax in 5 minutes but can’t cum with a guy in 5 hours. If you’re a girl who sleeps with random dudes or sleeps with guys who never commit to you, that could effect your comfort level. But even girls who genuinely like and trust the guys can have trouble. That’s the fucked up thing, with guy, busting a nut during sex is something we have to keep from happening by using our minds. With girls, it’s like they have to be in the right head space to even have a chance to MAYBE make it happen.
Many times, it’s a matter of figuring it out. I know tons of girls who couldn’t cum for the longest time, met the right dude , and eventually they were coming withe ease. Others, while not coming with ease, did figure out what worked for them.
Basically, find a guy who’s both willing to put in the work and who you feel comfortable (by this, I mean you’re not vulnerable around him and don’t feel like he’s using you) and get to work. I bet good things will happen. When you’re done, send pictures to this blog and I will post the results. Just kidding.