Ask Dr. Tony Vol. 13


What’s up everyone.
Here’s another installment of the best advice you could ever ask for. I’ll be honest…I’ll try to not to flower shit up too much cause life simply isn’t black and white. I also have no background or education in this sort of thing so, you know, take it all with a grain of salt. I mean, if you’re really basing serious life choices on my opinion, you got problems beyond anything I can fix.
ANYHOO, Send me more questions like this to my email: phatfriendblog@gmail.com or in the comments below. Despite what I wrote above, i think i do give decent perspective and, really, I’m here to help…

Dr. Tony,

I have a problem you might not’ve encountered in a number of years. I’m 19, in my first year of college. Like any fresh-out-of-highschooler, i was disappointed when college turned out not to be the nonstop fuckfest that we all thought it would be. Fast forward one semester and I’m still a virgin, though i’ve gotten a BJ/HJ here or there. ANYWHO, I ask out this asian girl that I’ve gone on a few dates with, and we start to date. So we’re going out for about a month, and she’s gone down on me a few times, and all is well, yet every time we get “intimate”, I notice that she WON’T take her shirt of (she says she’s ‘self conscious’), and she WON’T let me do anything to her. Finally I decide to skip the hurdles and go straight for the finish line. Needless to say, I get completely rejected (we’re talking Tyson Chandler rejection). She tells me that, and I quote, she “wants to lose her virginity to the man she’s going to marry”. Keep in mind that she isn’t zealously religious at all. At this point it’s taking every ounce of my spirit to a.) stifle laughter at such a naive statement and b.) resist the urge to get up, walk out, and never return. I assure her that it’s o.k., because it’s not like i’m going to tell her off for not bending to my penis’ will, but this is where the problem lies. Wanting to keep your v-card was understandable in the early years of high school, but WE’RE 19 FUCKING YEARS OLD. I really like this girl, but she’s obviously not the girl I’m going to marry, so I mean what’s the point if not to get through this year together and occasionally fool around? I don’t want to break up with her over something so petty, but is this a legitimate dealbreaker, if her values and mine clash at such a personal level? Or could this be her way of making me work harder for it? This all happened last night, so it’s a bit of an emergency here doc. Any advice/perspective would be awesome.

Sounds to me like she wants a commitment and holding out on vaginal entrance is how she plans to get it. Virgins, both male and female, often have skewed view of the importance of sex. They put it on a pedestal cause they don’t “Get it”. Sure, some stick to their guns after they’ve had it but, in most cases, they realize that sex is fun and why stop yourself from having fun? This same girl may be fucking 4 guys a month within 3 years. You never know.

Also, 19 is pretty young. So it’s understandable that she might still have these values and take this kinda shit very seriously. Sure, most people lose their V-card by then but some girls are gonna wanna hold on to it. In your case, this all depends on how long you wanna wait and how big of a scum bag you wanna be about it.
here are your options as i see them:
1)Tell her you appreciate her honesty and respect her choice but that this isn’t gonna work for you , as you a 19 year old male virgin who doesn’t want to remain a virgin until he’s in love.
2)Lie to her and say everything she wants to hear , date her and shit until she lets you hit it. Then , once you hit it, you can either keep hitting it and getting in deeper into this terrible lie or back off, leaving her feeling like complete shit and regretting every decision she’s ever made. (this is all assuming she actually likes you, which I don’t know if I’m even sold on. This could be one of those situations where she’s just gassing you up, but if the right dude came along, she’d fuck him immediately. You never know)
3)Settle in for the long haul and wife her. You’ll eventually get the sex. I don’t recommend this one at all though, cause you’re 19.

Basically, I’d say you need to break up with her nicely cause you’re head is obviously looking for sex and her head is elsewhere. There will be more pussy in your life. I promise. If you can get one blow job, you can get ten. Be patient. Girls don’t like pushy/desperate virgins. Play it cool and the vagina will find it way to you.

He’s the story. I met this girl at a party few months ago. Didn’t pay any attention to her, even found her stupid (and still do). I was talking to with people and she’s been around for a while, listening to the conversation but not talking much. The thing is that 4 or 5 times she had intense sights to me that I still don’t explain. Didn’t pay much attention to that at the moment, but I noticed.
One thing I have to tell is that the only acquaintane we have in common is pretty much of a douchebag I don’t like.
Few weeks later we met again and that time we talked for hours. She seemed interessed and amused by what I said, and we had lots of interests in common. In fact she didn’t talked that much, but a good listener. I didn’t find her smart or anything but I was drunk and she seemed to like listening to my bullshit.
I had to leave the party and sais bye, at that moment she seemed sad to see me leaving. She looked like a kid seeing his lovy puppy go away, sincerely. That’s when I had that feeling I still don’t explain. Few hours I was thinking of her… a lot !
Sometimes I think I’m a fool and that I misinterpret “signs”… sometimes I think there’s something.
I randomly ran into her in the street few weeks ago. She saw me but acted like she didn’t (brief eye contact and fast head turn, you know what i mean).
I eventually texted her to get some news with no response.
Now here I am, going nowhere, couldn’t be more happy than getting her out of my mind. And I’m pretty sure that if I’d got her, I’d have dumped her.
If only eternal sunshine of the spotless man was not fiction, I’d not write you…

So, what to do ?

You do nothing. Your interest in her is based 100% on conquest and ego due to the fact she kinda blew you off. There was a definite window there and you didn’t take it, so it’s gone now. That doesn’t mean the window is forever shut (perhaps she’s got a man now or something) but who really cares? A girl you kinda sorta wanted to fuck and discard didn’t call you back…get over it.

In a healthy relationship, what percentage of importance would you give to emotional vs. physical attraction? (100% emotional being in the deep friendzone and 100% physical being fuckbuddies)

I think that depends on the couple. I’ve seen couples who are 85% sexually driven who’s relationships are horror movies but they stay together for like 4 years cause the sex keeps them there. At the same time, I’ve seen people who basically become best friends and the sex vanishes but they end up getting married.

I look at this way…sex is important. But actually getting along with the person you’re committed to is even more important. This is a person you have to be able to communicate with, hang out with, joke around with, make life decisions with…The fucking is just one aspect. I’d say anywhere between 70%-60% of it should be friendship. Cause,eventually, the sex is gonna wane and then what do you have? That’s why you see old ass couple shuffling down the street hand in hand. It’s not cause they’re still fucking…it’s cause they’re each others best friends.
It’s also the reason I advise people to stay single for as long as possible. Get all your fucking out of the way so, when it’s tim to settle down, your dick/vagina isn’t clouding your judgement as far as what kinda partner you choose.

Dr. Tony,

This might be a little different from your regular “should I hit it or not?” questions…

I work an office job. I met this girl (Girl 1) at work, and have known her for about 4 years now. I used to consider her a “friend”, even though I kept it strictly work-only. When we met, she let on right away that she was interested, and used to drop hints for me to ask her out. She started to creep me out though, because she seemed really needy, and I could tell that she was stalking me on Myspace, from some conversations we had. So I would always come up with an excuse not to hang out. I never found her even remotely bonerable either. She is about 12 years older than me, one of those holier-than-thou vegetarian, hybrid car types, and overweight. (I know that makes me sound like an asshole, but I usually go for short, thick girls).

2 years after we met… She started dating some guy from work. I was happy that she was off my nuts, and everything was good. One day, on my lunch break, I was pulling through a drive-thru, and I see dude walking into the restaurant with a different girl (Girl 2) from work. They see me, I see them, and I don’t give a shit. I went back to work, and Girl 1 confronts me about it, asking “did you see my boyfriend in the parking lot with Girl 2 at that restaurant?” It turns out, she was spying on them the whole time, hiding in the bushes. She was too ashamed to admit that she was spying, so she wanted to use me as an excuse, in order to call out her boyfriend. I told her “I don’t think so…My visions bad…I can’t see too well”. I didn’t want to get wrapped up in some bullshit with 3 coworkers.

2 years later… She is still dating the same guy. She just got one of her coworkers fired, because he “wasn’t a team player”, and she has been bragging about it. I took that guys old job, because it was a good raise, but now I have to work on a small team with her. Ever since I refused to rat out her boyfriend, she has been a complete bitch. She ignores me if I say “hi”. She refuses to acknowledge most work-related things I say, except to correct me, or call out my mistakes in public, especially in front of Management. She is holding a grudge against me, and I think she will jump at an opportunity to get me fired next.

Blockhead, how do you put bitches in their place? Can I make some sort of peace offering to this animal, or is there a better angle to play?

Man…that sucks. She sounds like a disaster of a person. I’m always very fearful of people who let pettiness dictate their lives.
I think you’ve played everything right thus far. Not snitching about that dude was a good play cause, hey, it’s none of your business.
I think the best thing you can do is play it cool. Kill her with kindness. I’m not saying flirt with her but I’m also saying to soften up your vibe around her. I realize she’s being the irrational cunt here but I’m afriad that’s just how irrational cunts are. Eventually, if your nice enough she’ll have no choice but to at least be somewhat pleasant back.
So, while you’re doing this, you might also wanna collect evidence of her behavior. If she does something unprofessional, write it down. That bragging about getting the dude fired would be a prime example…that’s some fucked up shit and the fact she’s dumb enough to publicly vocalize that she did it leads me to believe she’s a fucking idiot who probably spills all sorts of beans…probably cause she’s insecure, but with power. A dangerous combo if there ever was one.
So, yeah, just watch your own back and create a little file to defend yourself with if that time ever comes. Hell, throwing in her making “advances” at you can’t hurt either. If she’s a shitty as you make her sound, I’m sure other people in the office would have your back.

7 thoughts on “Ask Dr. Tony Vol. 13

  1. To the first guy, I’d say to cut this Asian girl loose and stay available. Maybe you don’t lose your virginity freshman year, but you will eventually. And according to many experiences I’ve known and heard, after the first time you get laid in college, the floodgates are opened.

  2. Blockhead, how do you put bitches in their place?

    This question literally made me laugh out loud!
    please go into further detail on this topic!

  3. Hey, thanks Blockhead. I asked the last question here. I know you say to not take what you write seriously, but I think that’s actually some good advice, and kinda what I’ve been trying to do already. I’m looking forward to the new album. I’m gonna wait and buy the CD, just like all the others. Thanks for all the free throwaways too.

      • LOL. I’m going for the “kill her with kindness” approach for now… It really juxtaposes against her talking shit, and I can tell my co-workers and at least one manager are taking notice. Some of them have my back. If that doesn’t work out, then I will have to show her how strong my pimp hand can be.

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