Answers for Question vol. 81



Good day to you. I hope your weekend went well, mine was was completely uneventful.
This weeks questions are pretty random…just like I like them. Send me more questions of a random nature to: phatfriendblog@gmail.com. Or leave them in the comments below.
Also, I’m looking for more “Ask Dr. Tony” questions. If you got questions concerning your love life or whatever and need the help of a stranger with a strong moral compass, I’m your guy. Send me those soon cause I’m trying to do one later for this week.
okay. Let’s continue…


There is a woman , Hazel Jones, that was born with two vaginas (and she’s even pretty hot).
She seems to be ok with it and said that now after puberty and all kind of shits that a double vagina may have brought in her past (??!?) she has a great sex life, actually she even said that it’s an ice-breaking story at parties. Some weeks ago Vivid (the biggest porn company, they even got the rights on the Kardashian-Ray J flick) offered her a 1 mln dollar contract just to star in one of their films, but she refused and said she would never do it in a million years.
So the question is: if you had, let’s say uhmmm two dicks, would you like to openly talk about it? And would you consider a 1 mln offer for a porn scene, knowing the obvious impacts that a world wide known sex flick and a 1 mln heavier bank account could bring to your life?

First off, I don’t blame Vivid for trying to throw her money. Not only is she totally fuckable (twice!) but a second vagina would revolutionize gang bang porn. I mean, you could add YET ANOTHER DUDE.
But back to the question…this is tricky. Personally, I’m not the type that would want to star in porn’s. I’m a bit more private. I think it more comes down to that line of thinking. You’re either down to do it on camera in front of people, or you’re not. The money might sway someone who was on the fence about it but , if that’s just not the type of person you are, you’re never going to agree to it. It’s kinda like the age old question girls ask straight guys “Would you suck a dick for a million dollars?”. If you answer yes, there’s a tiny part of you that kinda down to suck a dick…or you’re student loans are really out of control. Either way, saying yes to something like that speaks a deeper truth.
Now, if I had two dicks, I’d imagine I’d be pretty quiet about it publicly. I mean, whose business would it be , but mine? That said, things like that tend to get out and once it was discovered, I’d probably embrace talking about it. You know, i bet the guy who has two dicks and who goes public with it actually gets a lot of pussy. Lots of women are curious by nature and I’d venture to say there are a decent amount of women who would be tempted to see what it was like getting double teamed by one man.

I remember you saying that both Music By Cavelight and Downtown Science both sold over 10,000 units. Can you tell us how many units The Music Scene sold?

Do you think with the tremendous exposure from your very popular Music Scene video that you will see more sales with the upcoming album? Have you seen any pick-up in sales since the video was released?

I honestly have never even checked out what the sales for “The music scene” were. By the time that dropped, people had stopped buying records and I just accepted that those are numbers I don’t really need to see. Not only cause it would be depressing but it would also be misleading. For all I know it could sold like 4000 copies…I really have no idea. It’s ironic cause I’d guess more people heard that album than any of the previous ones (excluding “Music by Cavelight”). They just didn’t buy it.
As for the video’s effect on my sales, I really don’t know. I doubt it. But it did get me a massive amount of exposure that I’ve seen carry over into people coming out to my live shows. So that’s good.

is it nasty to just use one shower loofah for everything or are you one of those guys that needs a wash cloth for every body part? Whats the deal with that?

I feel like there is this understanding that things like loofas kinda just clean themselves. It’s the same ideas you apply to soap. If you think about it, soap should be pretty fucking filthy, but people just will grab any old bar of soap and rub it wherever they see fit.
Personally, I’m a guy who’s got some bath soap (in liquid form) and I just kinda use my hands to clean myself off. I’m not a coal miner. There’s never caked on dirt anywhere near my body so it seems to do the trick fine. I don’t think I’ve ever used a washcloth in my life. #whitepeople

What kind of info can you see about your visitors on WordPress? I use to run a site 10 years ago and I could see the full name of whoever is paying the internet bill, address, their last visited site before entering my site, what site they left to go visit, all their aliases, computer specs, files, etc etc. If you can see that info and sell it to third parties you can make thousands a day once you reach a few thousand unique IPs visiting daily.

Oh, nothing like that. Not even close. The “Stats” page to wordpress is pretty thorough but not at all invasive. I know how many people read the blog a day, I know how many people read certain articles (excluding those who just view it from the front page), I know what people click on from the page (what links they hit), I know where they’re reading from (what city and what country), and I know how they got here (where they were linked from).
For instance, if something I write gets posted on Reddit.com, I’ll get a large influx of readers from there that day, and I can click on the link to find the origin.
But, as far as personal info, I see none. Don’t worry, Illuminati has not found Phatfriend.com yet.

I woke up from a wierd & somewhat re-occurring dream today. In said dream i had found a lost stash of Planter’s Cheez Balls. For those who don’t know, these have been discontinued about 6 or 7 years ago. Sadly i was in jail during this most heinous act and never got a chance to properly say my good-byes to one of the only things in life that has always gave me comfort. It, obviously, still haunts me to this day. . . So here is my question to you: Have the fat-cat corporate pricks ever tormented your taste buds by allowing you to fall in love with one of their devilishly delicious products only to take it away from you for eternity, leaving your still-beating heart on the side of a road for some hairy truck-driver to piss all over it while you helplessly watch from a distance? If so, what product? And does the pain ever go away???

Good question! In fact, I have three answers all related to the same company. Motherfuckin’ Hostess.
For some reason, Hostess like to give and take away things.The three things that pop into my head are

1) Choco-dile: This was a chocolate covered twinkie. I mean, come the fuck on! how do you stop making that? Not to mention, they were sold in single packs for a quarter. Granted, that was in the 80′s and 90′s but I’d gladly pay 75 cents for one now.


2)Choco-bliss: This was a chocolate cake, with a creamy chocolate filling with a thicker, super rich chocolate frosting top. It had a short run but, man, that shit was awesome.


3)Pudding pies: Now, these are the only ones I kinda understand why they discontinued. It’s bastard cousin, the fruit pie still somehow exists but they deaded the pudding pies (at least in NY) like 15 years ago. I’m not a pudding guy really but this treat was amazing. chocolate covered dough with pudding in the middle. The pudding was really more just like what you might find inside a really good boston cream donut. I’m guessing some kid ate one and died of botulism or something so they stopped making it. Too bad. That treat got me real fat in 6th grade.

As a side note, I don’t know for sure if all three of these things have been taken off the shelves. For all i know, they’re still in every cost-co in Wyoming. But I havne’t seen any of these in NYC since the 90′s.

I know your not keen on UK rap music in general, neither am I for that matter, however one thing I’m not sure about is your view on Christian rap music although I feel from reading your blog and following your tweets I could probably make a decent assumption as to where you stand on this too. Anyway, here is some UK Christian rap, I’d just like your honest (and amusing) opinion on how you feel about this video. I will also add it is 100 percent serious no matter how much the whole concept and video would lead any relatively sane human being to believe.

I have 100% no interest in christian rap. I’m not a religious person at all and hearing about it in rhyme form is even worse. Add on it’s british christian rap and you pretty much have my living hell. That said, this video is fucking hilarious.

Hey Unc’ Tone, if you were going to go apply for a job between these two positions which one would you choose; A teacher in the art of basketball-flopping or a master referee teacher? What do you think are the salaries for each position, respectively?

Oh, I’d easily take the master referee job. Not only do I think floppers are the biggest pussies in sports, I have a feeling the NBA might take action against it one day, making the flopping school pointless.
i dunno what kinda money is in NBA reffing but I’m sure it’s better than someone who teaches flopping. Unless that person is Reggie Miller, in which case, he’s a multi-millionaire.

20 thoughts on “Answers for Question vol. 81

  1. Texas Grill Fritos. The addiction got so bad I knew the vending machine guy’s schedule in college. If they mailed my parents a description of what I got with my meal plan card they would have cut me off the first semester. “And like that…he was gone” Those shits were the Kaiser Sosa of snacks. You have no idea how massive my boner was when I found them a few years later in a municipal airport’s lobby while delivering pizzas. Yes..I am fat. – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUdBcA2T9KY

  2. Yo, we still got Choco-diles out here in Southern Cali. They cost less than a dollar too. Lately theres been talk that Hostess was going under, but I think they got bought out. Snack cakes for all!
    I’m not fat tho.

  3. Choco-diles were my favorite as a kid. They used to have them by the register where they have candy now, and I would always slip one in with my parent’s groceries with the clerk was ringing them up.

    39

  4. Tastykake makes the Tasty-Klair pie (which is very similar to the pudding pie). All you gotta do is make a trip to Pa or i could send you some in exchange for some vinyl,t-shirts etc. Just a thought

    • Yeah, they probably have them up as far as north jersey, if not in new york somewhere. All Wawas stock them, and there’s a couple WaWas as far up around freehold that I know of. I don’t like that filling in them, though, it tastes like fucking chemicals.

  5. I feel like you need to check out some more uk hip hop. There’s definitely good rappers out here. Jehst, mystro, kyza, the four owls are all well worth checking out. Is it just an accent thing?? However, i 100% agree, that any overly religious rap, or any music (apart from hymns and stuff) absolutely sucks!!

    • It’s kind of an accent thing…and also just a complete lack of interest. I can barely find US rappers I like and that shit started here.
      I’ve checked out quite a bit UK rap over the years and it’s never even remotely piqued my interest. That doesn’t mean it’s wack or anything…it’s just not for me.

  6. You should do an AMA on Reddit. There is totally an audience for you on reddit, I mean even the dance teacher on Game of Thrones got thousands of responses and went to the front page. I bet it would increase traffic a lot if you plugged this site.

    • I mean, i would but it’s kinda the same thing I do here every week. And I feel like it would just open the door to me answering questions I’ve answered a million times (IE: What do you call yourself blockhead? or what are your major influences?).
      At least here i can manage the questions I answer.

      • Yeah except the people that come here (most likely) already know who you are. The Reddit AMA would be different because you could get your name out there to a new crowd of folks. You can choose which questions you want to answer. And you can link to this blog or anywhere else and encourage readers to find out more about you that way.
        TL;DR I still think it’s a good idea.

    • If you’re gonna do that you should monetize it beforehand. Throw some adsense banners up on the side there, you could probably make some beer money every week off of this thing. You know the owner of that youtube video “frankie bit my finger” made over 500k off of that thing so far from adclicks?

      Oh, and that dude that said he could see people’s aliases, computer specs and files, and whatnot is a complete bullshitter. Never any more than an IP address, unless he hacked the fucking ISP database, or something.

  7. yo what’s with all the shower questions! can’t over how people are so down to know all these details about your shower life haha. this is truly interesting to me.

  8. You know who makes the best donuts, cookies and cakes? Entenmann’s! Their fresh baked goods are fucking delicious. Those glazed chocolate crumb donuts, iced devil’s food cake, chocolate fudge cake, everything they make is good. I can even eat the shit I don’t like if it’s made by them, like something with pineapple in it. Entenmann’s is so good, I’m going to plug their website in your blog comments so everyone knows where to locate their products:

    http://www.entenmanns.com/op-cat.cfm/catId/8

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