A few weeks ago I polled people about men’s summer wear. Namely, what kinda shorts that men wear that are okay with girls. As things often do when dealing with the internet, the conversation spun wildly out of control and landed on the topic of men’s footwear. Not just any footwear though. I’m talking about open toed shoes on men. Sandals, flip flops, jesus’ shoes…those type of things.
Like most people living in a urban environment , I’ve long been deeply anti-open toe shoes for men. I’ll get to the reasons later but , for now, let’s cover when it’s okay to wear these types of shoes:
1)At the beach, poolside or really anywhere where a large mass of water that people swim in.
2)In your back yard.
3)Short walks to the store. kinda the same way one might throw on basketball shorts and wife beater just to go get some eggs from around the corner.
4)In your car if you’re running errands that don’t involve anything remotely social (things like going to the post office, getting a coffee, picking up laundry)
5)On a boat.
6)At a spa (duh)
7)Around your home.
See that? That’s the complete list. There is no other time EVER that man should be wearing Flip flops or sandals. Now, I’m sure some of you sandal wearing people are all ready to argue this with me until you’re blue in the face and the smell of your petrulli oil wears thin. Surely, some of you live in small towns or suburbs where the open toed look on men is mostly accepted and probably pretty typical. For you people, I give you a SLIGHT pass. I don’t approve of your footwear but I can understand how it’s kinda the norm out there. That’s fine. However, even you out of the city folk must know that , if you own a penis, wearing those “shoes” anywhere social, is not okay. To a bar? go fuck yourself. On a date? You should die a virgin. To a party? I hope you stub your toes drunkenly for the rest of your life. That said, this is less about you people than it is the urban open toed people.
Now, you city people, you’re window is much smaller (assuming you don’t live in a city where all you do is drive all day). Basically, if you’re walking around in public , it’s not alright. NEVER. A walk to the corner store is forgivable but anything beyond that, get the fuck outta here. Beyond just social events, I’m talking on public transportation (Being on the L train is like being tortured by a sea of disgusting feet. If I could hack peoples feet off on the train, i would), going out to eat anywhere, even walking to the gym…No one should ever have to look at your feet. Also, have you seen what streets look like? Unless you’re roaming around singapore, they’re fucking filthy. You’re feet are basically just magnets for whatever is near you. good luck stepping in dog shit in your flip flops. I’d imagine that feeling of the shit foaming around the corners as it touched your bare skin is one you’ll never forget…but totally worth it, right?
Now, you might be wondering why this matters and why I’m so against it. Well, in reality, it doesn’t matter. Everything I’m writing is hyperbolized for fun but still, it’s a peeve of mine (and many others) because men’s feet are atrocious looking. They’re big and hairy. They’re veiny and probably smell bad. They’re simply not something that need to be trotted out in public for people to have to look at. It’s kinda like how women who just gave birth don’t go around wearing belly shirts that show off their stretch marks. It’s just common decency to your fellow human.
Common arguments for why men wear these things are that they’re comfy , they’re easy to put on and because in the summer it gets too hot for anything that’s not open toed. Let me make my case…
1)They’re not that comfy.
I’ve worn them before in my life. flip flops are actually straight up uncomfortable. The cut into your toes and they’re not easy to walk in cause, well, they flip and flop. Sandals are slightly better but still, they’re limiting in how you can walk. basically you gotta just kinda walk slowly and shuffle you feet. God forbid you have to run in those things. Sneakers, in general, are far more comfortable as they have more support for you foot and ankle and they have better padding. On top of that, they also look a million times better and make it so no one has to look at that awesome hangnail you have on your big toe.
2) Okay, They’re easy to put on.
I can’t lie, they are…but you know what else is? my sneakers that I just slip on and off like sandals. I haven’t tied them since the first week i got them. Besides, If you’re losing too many minutes in your day taking on and off footwear, I’m pretty sure your hectic job does not include open toed shoes.
3)It’s NEVER too hot for sneakers.
This one is my biggest peeve because it’s such a pussy reason. Grown men complaining about the warmth level of their feet is not okay. Unless you’re walking on hot coals, shut the fuck up about it cause it’s simply never THAT bad.
I’ve been all over this country. I’ve been in horrific heat more times than I can count. I’ve always worn sneakers. Was I hot? Sure. But my whole body was hot…cause it was fucking hot outside. I’ll tell you what didn’t ever cross my mind at any point “Man, I’m dying out here, if only my toes were exposed…” . This is one of those “just deal with it and man up” kinda situations. Sure, i suppose an open toed shoe in 115 degree weather would be SLIGHTLY cooler…but does it really fucking matter? You’re gonna be way too hot no matter what and I guarantee you’re not sitting there just obsessing over how hot you’re feet are. It’s not like you’re forced to wear a sweater , long wool socks and slacks in that heat. You’re wearing shorts and a t-shirt. You’re as cool as you’re gonna get. Basically, worrying about how hot you feet are in a situation like that is like drinking diet coke with your super sized #2 meal from McDonalds. It’s a small thing that won’t make a big enough difference to ever matter.
At this point, I realize you’re either with me or against me on this one. So lemme throw this at you, from a more abstract angle. As men, we’re very lucky when it comes to clothing. We dress more casual than women and get away with it. While they’re wearing 4 inch heels, push up bras and spanks, we’re wearing a t-shirt with holes in it and some nikes to the same place. This is simply the one case where we, as men, gotta just deal with the most minuscule inconvenience (that actually isn’t even a real inconvenience) and suck it up. Listen, I’d love to wear sweat pants all winter but I don’t because I have self respect. If you respect yourself and those around you, do yourself a favor and put those goddamn sandals away in your beach bag. It’s the least we men can do. Trust me when I say that most women are not feeling it from both a fashion and more general visual perspective. Sandals aren’t shorts. You don’t HAVE to wear them when it’s hot out. You have choices. So, do us all a favor and fucking stop it. Please. FUCKING STOP IT…MAKE IT STOP.
Oh and obviously, it’s totally okay for women to wear them. They don’t typically have horrific looking feet and I feel as if , with all the sacrifices of comfort they’ve made to look good, they’ve earned the right.
hahahah
what if I want to show off my awesome foot-tattoo?
I agree pretty wholeheartedly with everything in this post. However, can you cut a brother some slack for wearing sandals before or after an athletic event?
I can begrudgingly allow that….barely.
I was gonna say, as long as you have socks on and your sporting some adidas
Feets are feets. Not wearing sandals because our feet is ugly is like saying to ugly people that they have to wear a mask or something.It’s ridiculous.
I still don’t want to look at your feet if it’s not necessary.
And that comparison is retarded. Being ugly and wearing shoes that cover your feet are not even in the same ball park.
Elephant man and chimpanzee lady had the decency to wear masks… feet are way grosser.
No it’s not!! Nobody wants to see your nasty feet!
*Feet not feets, my bad
I was at a mobile app design and development event in Austin this week (mostly dudes), and more than half of them were wearing sandals. Granted, I don’t really expect developers to have any fashion sense at all – they tend to dress utilitarian, comfort over all else. But, god damn if that conference room didn’t absolutely reek of foot odor. It was pretty awful.
Exposed feet are not acceptable for anyone, man or woman. You know how many times my heart has been broken due to seeing a hot girl then looking down and seeing her wear gladiator sandals, with big dark hairs on the knuckles of her toes?!
You nailed this one. i wear flip flops but usually only in the places you mentioned. If i am going into the city or on the train i wear shoes.
What about crocks? Technically they are not open toed… But I consider them to be in the same family as sandals.
Crocs are horrific shoes for doctors and dads who stopped caring. It’s funny too cause sandal wearers will diss them like they aren’t basically the same thing except uglier and more comfortable.
I agree completely. For the future I wanted you to know it’s patchouli oil.
You are incredibly vain.
You are incredibly anonymous.
Women of the world thank you for this!
Bible the Truth blockhead, feet suck!
Fuck sandals.
What about the opposite of the “my feet get hot” argument?
When I’m in the city, I’m astounded at the amount of men (and women) who are wearing beanies, jeans, and a northface jacket…with sandals.
Major disgusters, b.
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What about socks that are low profile with shoes and shorts?? Or what about no socks at all with shoes??
I’d say short socks are a must for all summer footwear without open toes.
airy and breathable? COME ON. every time I have worn sandals my shit gets all sweaty and slippery like I just dipped my feet into a bucket of KY. socks and nikes for life.
Bro, let me us that bottle opener on the bottom of your flip flop!
Some girls like dude’s feet but I think that shit’s pretty rare. I had a chick randomly start sucking my toes while she was in reverse cowgirl. That was really disgusting, especially since it was extremely hot out and my dogs were barking something fierce. Needless to say, I haven’t spoken to that bitch since.
That girl loses kissing rights.
For the record, maybe I am blessed with feet that don’t suffer from all the humanity that you are used too. My feet aren’t very hairy at all, and they never smell like some of you nasty motherfuckers. Granted they are size 13 DD’s, but aside from that I keep my feet clean and not gross. I wear flip flops because I have a strange thing with heat and my feet, for instance I cannot sleep with socks on because once my feet get hot I am uncomfortable and generally pissed. Say what you want about being a pussy cause I don’t like my feet hot, its the same thing with cold water on my neck; it makes me want to murder people. Also, I wear low cut socks and sneakers in the summer if its not too hot but once that shit breaks 88-90, fuck you and your sensibilities I’m not wearing sneakers. Plus, my feet sweat much worse when I’m wearing short socks and sneakers, then when I wear flip flops and they are completely dry and therefore have a better chance of smelling. I understand you don’t want to smell feet, but you won’t be smelling mine, however if you don’t want to look at feet then quit chewing the open cut in your mouth and keep your eyes up.
they are completely dry and have no chance of smelling*
No matter what you say, you still have gross feet simply because you’re a man.
And who sleeps with socks?
But lol at you not being able to handle 90 degree weather in your feet. Do you also not wear shirts everywhere when it’s hot out? It’s basically the same thing except , at least personally, my torso is far more effected by extreme heat than my feat could ever be.
No issues with shirts. Heat on my feet, and cold on my neck. Both of those things makes me want to beat people to death. I can’t stand having swamp toe, that shit is grosser than my feet in flip flops which are dry and never smell. I used to have the same problem with flip flops hurting my feet, but not anymore. I have worn some Air Jordan strapped flip flops before that had great arch support. I tried to hold onto them but they weren’t mine. However, if a person has nasty ass feet due to smell or grime or excessive hair, then that shit is nasty and no one else should have to know about it. And as for feet being magnets for whatever is around, no doubt but that is what bathing/showering is for. For the record, I have never gotten any feces, human or animal, on my bare feet (at least no more than you have).
Never worn flip-flops or sandals in my life (when I wasn’t at the beach), because they are horribly uncomfortable and hard to walk in, but gotta say, I prefer not to wear a top anywhere when it’s hot. Some people seem to think it’s rude, or that I’m trying to show off my tatts or something, but really, I don’t think it’s my job to care.
I dig everything you just said… because I feel the exact same way. I know this guy that wears nothing but sandals in all seasons. One time we had about 2 feet of snow (It’s NC so that’s a lot) in November. Guess what he wore? His explanation was, “My feet don’t get cold because I’m indian.”
*NOTE* – There’s no indian in his family whatsoever. Found out through his relatives…
He has shoes, but doesn’t wear them because he doesn’t like his feet being hot…
People these days man…
I’m in NC too. Where you at?
1st world problems.
Must be an East Coast thing. In Santa Monica everyone is wearing flip flops. Plus, my feet are wide as fuck. If I have to go to somewhere like Disneyland, or somewhere else where I have to walk around all day, I will be tearing up in pain at the end of it, unless I’m in flip flops. I do wear sneakers to work and shit, but I simply cannot get Wide-Size DC’s. How about us wide feeted manly men, Block?
I’ve also got extremely wide feet. they make sneakers for that. New balance bro. Look into it.
Translation, Blockhead has extrememely ugly feet.
Glad I got to the bottom of this
Nah, my feet are fine. But they belong to a man, so no one needs to see them.
New Balance? More like Poo Balance. Pass.
Trust me, the worst new balance still look infinitely better than any sandal.
Thank you, Tony, this is beautiful. Maybe it’s because I hate it when dudes wear this shit and this is just in my head, but it seems like those stupid things make a lot more noise when guys wear them. Get your ugly, nail fungus-ridden feet the fuck out of here. I like wearing normal shoes like an adult, thank you.
lol someone you know has bad foot hygiene.
LOL no they don’t. this has nothing to do with hygiene. Unless you live in a city where people walk, this may never make sense to you. but trust me, it’s fucking disgusting.
I live in a city where people walk, that i know they don’t stand still. Maybe I misunderstood you.
Just read the original article. I think i make a pretty clear point.
I don’t see nothing not valid for women too, at least to me. But we can’t stay on whoever someone finds not likeable, someone might find not likeable something about you, so it’s all relative, as fashion is art and self expression.
If you don’t like sandals it’s fine to me, I also never wore sandals but who knows? There are many sandals styles i find unelegant but unless in some despicable snobby-bored-exclusive clubs I can’t see how they are not acceptable. But ok I think our points are clear, no need to go on ok?
Damn you opened my eyes. I’ve been a flip flop wearing simp my whole life without even knowing it. I always thought flip flops were aight but mandels were for the lames of the world. Now I see the error in my ways. I shall never wear them again. Although I live in Detroit so giving a fuck is kind of a waste of time. And once I did wear them on a date! Now I know why I don’t ever get laid.
I fully disagree with everything you said, except about them being easy to put on.
“feet are ugly” yea so? i take pride in my calloused man feet. I could walk on glass with these babies without getting a scratch.
“not comfy” um that’s insanely wrong. I don’t need to say anything else about that.
The main reason I wear sandals everyday is because I hate wearing socks. I hate going through my sock drawer all tired in the morning trying to find a nice pair that match. I understand I could organize that shit but still.
Are you including non-open toed Keens in this? I’m sure at the right angle someone might see a toe. I don’t have to wear socks with those.
My feet only smell when I wear socks and shoes all day. With some nice sandals, my feet smell like a summer meadow.
Plus shoelaces are stupid.
Dude, if the rigors of putting on socks is really a point of contention for you, I really have nothing to say.
This argument is over for me when he said “you’re window” instead of “your window.” Get a GED.
It’s a typo ,dipshit. I know the difference.
Nobody likes you Jared (what a pussy name)! Also, check your grammar on comments you write about people’s grammar…. (E.G. “This argument *was* over for me when he said … ” (not *is*) -OR, “This argument is over for me when he *says*…” (not *said*) Get you’re tenses straight you fuckin dork!
Take it easy on Jared, he’s only got a GED
Only thing I hate worse than a man in open toed shoes is a pretentious ass grammar Nazi. Put your APA formatting textbook away and go sneaker shopping!
AMEN.
This sentence has a grammatical error. Tenses don’t match. It should read : “it WAS over for me when he SAID”…just sayin dude, if you’re gonna be policing grammar get your own shit right.
I destroyed my ACL a few years back, and had to get surgery… and one of the worst parts was not being able to reach my foot to lace anything up. I had to wear a sandle, and hated every minute of it. I remember a couple girls still calling me out for wearing that shit, even though I was walking around with crutches… and I don’t even blame them, it was still not a good enough excuse.
I can’t stand the frat guy douches around here in their sandles, cargo shorts, polo shirt, seashell necklace, frayed baseball hat uniforms. Those are the same guys that will get in drunken fist fights over fantasy football, slap eachother in the balls, or totally bro out with some good old fashion gay chicken.
“slap eachother in the balls, or totally bro out with some good old fashion gay chicken.” JOCULARITY!
100% with you on this one!
There are a LOT of shoes to wear on a hot summer day if you don’t want to sweat your toes off in that awesome pair of 2004 Nike Dunk Hi SB:
- Chuck Taylors (lightweight, breathing, covering toes… plus looking like Snoop Doggy Dogg is always cool)
- Boat shoes (try some suede Sperry Top-Siders, Hella comfy, breathing, more than appropriate on boats obviously, but also around pools)
-Tennis shoes (canvas is the way to go)
But please please please avoid the ugly route: Geox and Crocs are not okay.
Which leads to another question: socks or no socks? or worse: semi-socks (the one not covering the ankle)?
I put mad pressure, on phony wack rhymes that get hurt
Shits played, like zodiac signs on sweatshirt
That’s minimum, and feminine like sandals
My minimum table stacks a verse on a gamble
- GZA
But my feet are beautiful. Feet were born to be free maaannn. To feel the wind blow through my toes, do you begrudge me this? However if GZA says sandals are feminine, i may have to reconsider my position. I don’t actually wear open toe footwear, but in principle it’s ok by me. As long as guys don’t complain about getting their toes stepped on. My problem with sandals is they lack versatility. You can’t really run properly, for example.
I don’t really begrudge anyone for their footwear. more just think they’re corny. That doesn’t mean they’re bad people…they’re just not MY type of people. We could be friendly acquaintances.
Yeah i’m not a fan personally either tbh. I could care less though really, just imagining what sandal wearing dudes might use for argument. Bottom line, article/enrtry whatever you call it cracked me up, so good job. Footwear has evolved since the days of Plato and Jesus. Fuck sandals!
Plus without good arch support your feet go flat over time. Skate shoes are actually bad for that too, but i find them comfortable. And its easy to wipe out in sandals. The twisted/broken ankle ratio of sandals compared to shoes is probably off the charts. You got your heel just flapping around back there, its no good.
That was not a sarcastic comment about GZA btw, favorite Wu member, and one of my favorite MC’s. Just to be clear about that. I’m actually familiar with the verse, just never occurred to me.
Chacos for life.
Block, until your standards are adopted by the least fashion-conscious region of the US (the PNW), I shall continue to expose my gross man-feet.
I’m glad I don’t live out there. I’d lose my mind. It’s bad enough in NYC.
“Nobody wants to see your toes”
Nobody wants to see your hairy legs either.
Shorts are part of the bum uniform. Put on some pants, you bums.
I’m so glad someone out there thinks like me. Argue all you want about your little feeties, “OH! Mine don’t look bad at all! OH! Mine aren’t Hairy!” Nobody gives a shit, it’s still gay, and you’re a pussy.
this gal shares your pain
http://yoonanimous.com/2012/07/02/downers-man-sandals/
I went to a Lions pre-season game last week. Mustve saw hundreds of fuckin open-toed sandal-wearing dick-burgers there. It was kinda cold and Detroit is gross. NOOOOO fuckin reason to wear your flop flips or Zapatos de HeyZues to a fuckin stadium football game. I gave at least ten people in open toed shoes flat tires while i was walking to and from concession stands ( i didnt mean it at first, but didnt feel bad for a second). Bet that felt great and totally worth having dry hairy feet! That is my new persuasion for those who want to argue over this- you will get a raw-heeled flat tire everytime you wear those fuckin things in my vacinity til you realize the wrong in your ways. Jesus didnt have the option of 1,000 Nikes to choose from, you do (I’m pretty sure he woulda rocked some fly suede Addidas if he had the option).
Oh! And to the guy boasting his man calloused feet. . . 1) that makes your dogs much grosser and 2) If your feet are really as bad ass as you say, then just fuckin go Bare-foot everywhere you go like that large hippie guy on Dual Survivor. Why waste money on gay-ass mandals? Or are your feet not really that bad ass after you step on AIDS-infected broken glass? My moneys on the glass. . .
Just back from Vancouver…..mad Canadian dudes rockin flip flops, sandals to a bachelor party. I’m pretty sure one of the brothers of the groom was wearin an actual bathing suit. granted it was in the 90′s during the day, so it was hot and humid that evening, but shit had me feeling over-dressed.
Agreed, no man should ever wear open toed shoes. And no man OR woman should ever wear Birkenstocks.
This essay assumes that ALL men’s feet are gross when they’re not. Sneakers make your feet pale, sweaty, and smelly. Feet need sunlight and fresh air, a more natural connection with the earth. I don’t see anything disgusting with open-toed shoes as long as your feet are clean and groomed.
Nah dude, fuck your feet. Fuck me feet. They are men’s feet. Women’s feet aren’t even that attractive but they’re passable. This is bigger than just “ugly feet”. Open toed shoes just aren’t acceptable in some situations. Accept it and live with it.
And yes, “fuck me feet” should be read in your head in a pirates voice.
I am a guy that wears women’s open toe sandals 24/7/365. I am lucky to have beautiful feet that can fit in women’s size shoes. I get a pedicure every two weeks in a nail salon and my toes are always perfectly pedicured and polished with bright red nail polish. If you were to see my feet in women’s sandals with the red toenails you would be sure that you are looking at a girls foot. I get many compliments from women on my sandals and perfect pedicures and they all tell me that I have feet like a girl. Most women appreciate my feet and I love getting the compliments. If a guy has pretty feet like a girl and takes care of them with pedicures every two weeks with a pretty color of nail polish, then he can wear sandals like a girl. So guys if you have pretty feet then get to a nail salon and get a pedicure with colored nail polish so that you can wear men’s or women’s sandals and be proud of showing your pretty toes in public.
Jesus christ dude, get it together.
Even if I don’t go so far, I say cool, dude don’t mind what haters think, they want to make their preferences a law. And men feet are perfectly fine, I obvioulsy prefer women feet, but that’s obvious as I’m straight, I can’t understand guy who can’t stand other guy’s feet, first off they are not supposed to like them or being attracted by them, so I guess they have no voice in chapter. Mind that people have different style thank goodness, or it would be a dull world made of people fitting some official cultural preferences, and I know some people are in this mindsed, sadly.
I never ceases how some people are so hypersensitive to such superfluous things in life. My gosh, all of that bellicose ranting over men wearing sandals is beyond ridiculous!! I thought people were a little more tolerant than that. A simple piece of comfortable, strappy footwear is suddenly demonized by the shallow minds of the radical fashion police.
I’m just fortunate to live in a community where people are tolerant of others and are not victimized because we [males] choose to wear our sandals. I wear my Birkenstocks virtually all year, even my supervisor wears them on occasion. My doctor said that Birkenstocks are the best type of footwear available and he wears them.
The popularity of sandals will only increase in today’s more casual society. For the anit sandal crowd out there, how about taking a chill pill and reduce your high revs. No one is ever going to receive any superlatives for displaying such impertinent essays that clearly demonstrates one’s intolerance, harshness, lack of diversity and vulgarity.
And here you are writing a three paragraph novel about it.
It’s funny how , as mad as i am about this whole thing (I’m not really, this is all done in hyperbolized jest) there are people who feel the need to chime in like anyone gives a shit. I am not the judge and jury of your wardrobe, bro. If you want to wear sandals. Wear sandals. Just know, that some people are gonna look at you and think “look at this sandal wearing dipshit”. Which isn’t really that big a price to pay so do you, bro. Just save me the hippie sob story about fashion police. This is all just my opinion. Get over it.
He has a point, Dan, you wrote a three paragraph novel as if someone really gives a shit about his opinion and it was really relevant. It’s simply his preference, just hyperbolized, then one may or may not like his humour
.
You could even find the one thinking you’re a dipshit just for your sandals a douchebag, as if you were to judge using his meter, closed toes in summer would be the ridiculous ones.
This should apply to all adults …….women included as their feet are just as fucking disgusting.
ABSOLUTELY AGREE !!!
haha fuck you, I’m wearing flip flops
Men never used to wear sandals or flip-flops outside of the beach or pool area until the damn fashion industry saw the potential to make a profit promoting men wearing sandals, like women had done. Blame profit-making (again) for this terrible fashion atrocity.
I hate this society. Men get judged for everything. Its like men can’t do anything without being called gay or sissy. Its no ones buisness what people wear. You don’t like it then don’t look at it.
Oh shut the fuck up already. Just wear your sandals and accept that no one wants to look at your manly feet. there’s a difference between being tolerant and liking something. I’m not calling for all men in sandals to be stoned in the town center. But I am saying you look like a dipshit. That’s the full extent of it.
casual shorts + sneakers lust looks idiotic.
Urban City? Where are you from? In LA that’s basically all we wear in summer.
NYC. Where this shit is NEVER acceptable. But, as far as place like L.A. go, I think I mention in the article (I forget as I wrote it three years ago) that if you’re just driving places it’s fine. Still, at a bar or restaurant? Cover your fucking feet.