Song of the day 9/1/14 (the Your Old Droog saga continues)

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No Message By Your Old Droog and Rast RFC

It’s fun when two rappers you like come together out of nowhere. In this case, we have Rast and Your Old Droog. Two guys I recently did “Yay or Nay” columns about. Both from NYC and both are getting some shine right now. While Rast has a very interesting story (read about it here) I’d say the man of the hour is Y.O.D.
Why? Well, it’s cause everyone thinks he’s Nas. Literally. People have a theory that this is some sort of side project and Nas is all fucking with us. On paper, this sounds ridiculous. Why would Nas do that? But, when you step back, it would seem like a lot of signs point to this being the truth. His voice sounds A LOT like him. He’s affiliated with Mass Appeal (Nas and Former Ego Trip Founder Sasha Jenkins have direct ties to Mass Appeal). He’s certainly playing into the rumors too. Or, I should say, some other people are. Someone made a fake twitter account that seemed very real and started both Posting YOD songs as well as tweeting quotes from Nas albums.
Screen shot 2014-08-01 at 11.00.16 AM
Weird.
But, here’s the thing. He’s not Nas. At least I’m 99% sure he’s not. How do I know this? Well, I’ll start with the soft evidence. While his voice is very similar to Nas, his flow and lyrics don’t sound anything like Nas. So, just off the basis of an ear test, to me, he’s not Nas. That’s not enough though, right? Well, how about , prior to him getting a little shine he had all sorts of videos on Youtube. Actual music videos that show his face. This face:
YourOldDroog
This blew my mind the most cause, honestly, I’m totally racist when it comes to white guy rap voices and thought there was no way on earth Your Old Droog wasn’t a black dude. If the videos (which I saw before they were taken down) he’s more of an arab or a chechen. I can’t even tell. But , one thing is for sure, he’s not Nas. Still not enough evidence?
Well, how bout this article:
http://www.complex.com/music/2014/06/your-old-droog-is-not-nas

So, that’s my case. The truth will all be revealed in NYC on september 3rd when he plays a show. I might not be around for that show but I’m sure phone cameras will be there to record the happenings. If you’re curious or simply wanna see him rock (After all, the thing getting lost in all this is that he’s pretty fucking dope, despite the Nas similarities), here’s a flyer for that show. Oh, and Rast is playing that night as well. Pretty great line up.
Check it
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Answers for Questions vol. 197

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Shout out to the few people who sent me the above picture this week. It would indeed be a great replacement for my banner pic. I’mma hold on to it for now but, just know, it was appreciated.
How are you guys today? I’m well. I ate chipotle last night for some reason and woke up today legit smelling like barbacoa. Weird. Anyway, this is “Answers for Questions” You know the drill. If you want me to answer anything, send me questions to phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comment section below. Keep it interesting and weird. That’s all I ask.
Let’s get into this weeks batch…

How much skin is too much skin to show on the street?
I’d say that entirely depends on the person. I saw a dude walking down the street yesterday with V-neck so deep, it was basically just cloth suspenders. Like, literally, his belly button was almost exposed. I didn’t even know they made them like that. Now, I don’t know if that’s “Too much skin” or not, but it’s definitely a dumb ass shirt.
For ladies, it really depends on how much harassment they’re willing to put up with. You wear tiny shorts and crop top, dudes are gonna be relentless…but if that doesn’t bother you, go for it. I do think some ladies perhaps…umm…misjudge what does and does not look good on their body types sometimes in the summer but, at the same time, if they’re comfortable wearing it, that’s all that matters. Maybe some people love their 4xl muffin tops spilling over the side? Perhaps looking like a slightly opened can of instant biscuit dough is what’s hot in the streets right now? Who knows. Whatever makes you happy.That said, while it is legal for ALL PEOPLE to not wear shirts in public in NYC, that’s one things I feel people should chill with. This isn’t a beach, put a shirt on. Or at least a v-neck that pretends to be a shirt.

Help me out bro, I work near your hood (Houston and Varick St) and I need chill bars to rep, mostly for happy hour.

I can only find super fancy shit or super douchey bro spots like three sheets saloon or off the wagon. I have a very similar personality to you from what I can tell in reading your writing and listening to the Pod. Any recommendations?

To be honest, I don’t really drink on the west side. Occasionally I’ll hit The Rusty Knot on west street but that’s about it. Most places are gonna be douchey, ESPECIALLY for happy hour. Also, it depends what you’re looking for. If you just want a mellow drink, without a bunch of vertically striped shirt pricks there, I’d say just seek out local dive bars. On hudson street, there are a couple. WXOU, Art Bar and this one random bar on Hudson and Commerce that always seems empty but pleasant. If you want to be out around drunk girls with hopes of getting happy hour laid, head over the Automatic slims or Tortilla flats on washington street. They’ll be full of dipshits but also tons of hot girls who drank way too much at 5 pm.
But , if you’re looking for a chill bar with good music, etc…I can’t help you. I generally never day drink, go to happy hour or drink heavily anywhere near where I live. But that has more to do with me not really being a drinker like that. I drink maybe once a week and when I do, it’s cause I went out specifically to drink. I’m all or none with that shit.

On a scale from 0-10, how much do you enjoy popping your own zits?
I don’t enjoy that at all. I don’t get many zits (I’m an adult, you know). But when I do/did, they were brutal ones. Painful boils. Generally around my nose or on my chin. They’d be those type of zits that were under the skin, so popping them just didn’t work most of the time. I pretty much had to let them run their course , until they were finally ready to go, then I’d begrudgingly pop them. Not cause i wanted to but cause I’m that fucking impatient and wanted that thing off my face. But, rest assured, there was no joy in it.
2/10 on the enjoyment scale.

In your Answers for questions 192, there was a question about the word “Faggot” in rap and you answered it in a way that I can agree with (as in it’s not the word itself, but your perception that gives it pain).

My questions are, do you think that is always constant? Like are there any exceptional words?
The reason I ask is because I was listening to MF DOOM’s Take Me To Your Leader (A.K.A. The King Geedora album) the other day and the song “One Smart Nigger” came on. (Here’s a link for that:

Now I’ll stress that I have no problem with this song. I really like DOOM’s work, this album is one of my favorites of his side projects, and I totally agree with what the guy in the vocal sample is saying right before the beat starts. But sometimes I have a hard time letting shit go.

Generally among my friends I’m the token mixed guy, so a lot of my white friends try to let “nigga” pass and I always feel like I have to say something, but usually don’t to save face. One time one of my female friends called our mutual white friend a “nigger” with the hard R, and I was visibly shocked and sorta snapped on her for two minutes. I know she didn’t mean it with offense to me, but it was just weird.

Like there are just different times when “nigga/nigger” offend me personally. Do you see this happen a lot or am I just rambling? Have you ever been in the middle of something like this with any of your black or mixed friends?

I mean, that is the one word that will always be an issue for some people. Even a word like “faggot” doesn’t hold nearly as much weight as nigger/nigga.
As a white dude, I can’t really say when it’s right or wrong to use either version of that word. I’d argue that the “hard r” version is , in general, a bad move. But the “soft a”? That’s up to the individual. I know tons of people who use it and don’t even think about it. When a white person says “nigga” in front of them, they don’t blink , as long as the intent is okay with them. That said, the same white person drops a “hard r” and there would be problems.
I haven’t come across much beef amongst friends over that word (nigga, not nigger cause what civilized person actually says “nigger”?). Maybe it’s my age , location, etc but that word is just is either something someone doesn’t say ever or it’s so engrained in their lexicon that there isn’t even a thought otherwise.
Your situation sound a little different though cause you’re the one non-white person amongst a bunch of whites. It wouldn’t shock me if they had weird preconceived notions about race in general but, most of all, they simply might be ignorant to the power of that word. I’ve definitely been around suburban , basic white people whose understanding of when and how to use those words was bafflingly off point. As the one black guy, you’re allowed to tell them to shut the fuck up and , in general, shut them down on racial matters whenever you feel like it. Someone’s gotta tell them, right?

Hey Blockhead, I gotta TV hypothetical for you. Would you rather live as Louie in “Louie” circa ’08. Or George Costanza in “Seinfeld” circa ’94? I know this a dumb question but humor me

Hmm…My initial reaction was louie but I think I might be off with that. Thing is, Louie had kids, is kinda lonely and generally kind of a mess. While George , as big of a piece of shit as he is, lives a life of freedom and has his group of friends. He just seemed happier socially, regardless of what a lunatic he was outside of that. Not to mention, he always pulled women WAY out of his league. So, I think i gotta go with george. Not to mention, 1994>>>>2008.

what are you going to do in 5 years when hip hop is dead

I’m not so much worried about hip hop being dead (come on, son. You know hip hop will exist forever. It’s as locked in as any genre that exists right now) as I am music being dead in general. I don’t mean that in a sense that people will just be “over” music. I mean that ways to earn money doing it will all dry up eventually. At this point, the last two ways to make any real money making music are touring and song licensing. Song licensing will never die but It’s only a matter of time before some technological break through comes through that figures out a way for people to see ALL live shows for free, thus taking that last chunk of money right out of the artists hands. Streaming video feeds of live music are already pretty popular. If they figured out a way to make that seem bigger and more exciting, it’s a wrap on anyone ever leaving their house again to see a show.
The only bright side to this is that, once all the money has been taken out of music, the only people making it will be people who legitimately love making music. So, in a way, so great music might come out of that. I’ll be broke as a motherfucker though…

Answers for questions vol. 196

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G’day mates! Welcome to another thrilling edition of “Answers for questions”. This is where you, the reader, send me, the writer, questions. They can be about anything. Literally. If you’d like to be a part of the magic it’s as simple as emailing me a question (or questions) at phatfriendblog@gmail.com OR simply leave them in the comments below. Be weird, get interesting. It’s your time to shine, anonymously.
Anyway, Let’s see what we got this week.

Who do you think deserves a theoretical slap to the face more? Slow (able-bodied) walkers or people who don’t say thanks when you hold the door for them.

I would say the latter. While both these factions of people drive me crazy (this question is definitely crafted for me to rant and the writer knew it), at least slow walkers aren’t rude. They’re just oblivious. I feel like many slow walkers are just people from places where the pace of living is slower in general. Then, they come to NYC and dawdle their way down the streets like it’s one big street fair, forgetting that 90% of the people here are on the go with purpose. But, still, they’re not being assholes.
Now, the people who don’t say thank you when the door is held for them are dickheads. I’m not even a stickler for manners but , goddamnit, saying thanks to someone who did you a microscopic solid isn’t that hard. especially a stranger who has no reason to do anything for you whatsoever. Even a nod of acknowledgement is enough. Something. Anything. Otherwise, it comes off like you look towards that person as a lesser being. As if it’s their job to hold a door for you. But, even if it was their job, a thank you still would be applicable. Fuck those people.

If you were experiencing the apocalypse and could pick one rapper to try to survive with, who would you pick? What rapper do you think would have the best survival skills?
Then, what if you could pick 3?
You can split it into a few categories if you want(for example: Mainstream, Underground, West Coast, East Coast, Horrorcore etc. you don’t have to do all those, just ideas).

Jesus christ dude. The last person I’d pick to help me survive would be a rapper. I’d take a 7-11 worker over a rapper cause ,at least, they know how to use a mop and deal with people. I mean, if I had to, I’d obviously wanna pick rappers I know and like as people. People like Aesop, Billy Woods, Rob Sonic, Despot, etc…but, assuming picking friends is cheating, I’d try to find a rapper with survival skills. Are there any separatist rappers? Cause that would be ideal. Those dudes know how to hunt and are extremely self sufficient. I feel like there must be one former Anticon member/affilaite who has become a separatist by now. Maybe Bubba Sparxx? I pick that guy.
As for breaking this down into categories, can’t do it. Like I said, rappers are some of the last people you’ve ever wanna lean on to survive with. Musicians , in general, really. Do you know how fast you’d die in the apocalypse if you had to rely on me? Mad fast. Like seconds after I died, you’d die but only cause whatever was killing me got to me first.

Rant: WHY do (some) guys need to sit with their legs so far apart in public spaces. Guys, are your dick and balls really that big? No, no they are not – ever. It’s gross to look at but more importantly these guys presumptuously take up extra space from the women they’re sitting next to. I’m travelling via bus right now and I’m surprised at how much this irritates me as I’m usually easy going. Blockhead, are you an asshole who sits with his legs too far apart?

While some dudes definitely overdo it with the leg spread, I hate to break it to you but it’s WAY more comfortable to spread them cause, yes, we have balls. There’s a reason not many men sit cross legged (the way women sit cross legged, I mean). Cause it smashes our nuts together. So, if there is room, a dude will generally try and spread his legs a little bit. Sorry. It’s true though. Remember, our stuff is external. It takes up space in a very central area. It’s more extreme on a guy to guy basis but , sadly, it’s real.

Do you/have you ever played volleyball?
Yup. When I was in grade school, we played it in gym class. I actually liked it a lot. I had a really good serve and was tall for my age so I was one of the only people who could spike it.
Sadly, I never played again. actually…come to think of it. I did try some beach volleyball once and it was fun too but, man, jumping and running on sand is tiring like a motherfucker.

At what age do you think you were the biggest asshole? I’ll give you an age range from 10 years old-35 years old.

Oh, that’s easy. 18-22. Not that I was an actual asshole. I’ve actually always been friendly and non-confrontational but, those years? Man…there is no one more full or shit, full of themselves and pretentious than a typical college aged white kid. At that age, I knew everything, was blindly idealistic about the worst shit and was so far from figuring anything out it was painful. The older you get, the more comfortable you get in your own skin. People who are insecure will probably always be that way but you figure out a way to be okay with a lot of that type of stuff you feel when you’re that age. Basically, 18-22 year olds are like open nerves. You think everything you feel and say matters. It’s a great time cause , for most people, real life hasn’t started yet. It feels like you’re an adult but you’re not really there yet. It’s like the minor elagues of adulthood. Things slow down as you get older and, surprisingly, it’s kinda awesome. Still, getting really old looks like it sucks so don’t read this as me big upping aging in general. I’m expecting this all to cap out somewhere in the mid 40’s and it’s a steep downhill ride from there. The saying “youth is wasted on the young” exists for a reason. Cause it’s 100% true.

Who is the more sensitive crowd out of twitter users and instagram users?
You know, a few weeks ago, i might have said Twitter but I’ve had a change of heart. I can honestly say, of the social networks (facebook included), twitter people are surprisingly the best. I say this as someone who speaks to fans and shit like that. If i were gauging from just personal friends, all three of these sites would be equally fine. but I’m dealing with strangers which is a completely different ballgame.
For all the spell correcting dipshits and the occasional overly sensitive “outraged” people on twitter, they actually tend to take things in stride. They get the concept of “this is just a joke”. Instagram is actually good for that as well but it loses out to me cause of the ability to flag pictures. That’s some censorship bullshit that’s happened to me a few times and it’s more infuriating than any twitter comment. I wrote a whole thing about this actually
http://phatfriend.com/2014/05/28/stop-snitching-instagram-edition/
But, to answer your question for real, Facebook is the worst. I had no idea how many dumb, over reacting, humorless people there were in the world until I started a facebook music page. Holy shit. It’s leaps and bounds worse, in terms of sensitivity , than both twitter and instagram combined. Just truly a hell on earth , in terms of that kind of thing. It’s basically a slight step up from youtube comments but only cause it’s not anonymous. If people could post anonymously on facebook it would basically be a scene from “Idiocracy”.

Answers for Questions vol. 195

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Good day everyone. Welcome to another edition of “Answers for Questions”. You ask it, i answer it. It’s the least complicated concept on earth. If you’d like to join the fun, feel free to send me questions. Either email them to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comments section below. As always, keep it interesting. These answers are only as good as your questions.
Anyway, let’s see what’s popping this week…

Was it surprising that Aesop wanted to produce Skelethon primarily by himself? Considering you two have worked together so heavily on his other albums.
And do you think you two will work together on future projects, even if it’s not as much as, say, Labor Days?

Aesop has always made beats. I feel like a lot of people don’t realize he produced almost half of both Float and Labor Days and most of Appleseed. He’s been doing it as long as I have. Prior to Skelethon, he had been really digging into beat making more than ever. He did the whole Felt 3 album and that Nike Running thing was in a zone with making beats. So, when it came time to do that album, i wasn’t surprised at all that he opted to do it all himself. On top of him just really embracing the production side of things more than ever, he also lives like 3000 miles away from me and understandably didn’t wanna make an album over email. We did some of that with “None Shall Pass” and , while that stuff came out awesome, I fully get the concept of actually working together in the same room being a crucial creative element.
As for future stuff, I dunno. I’d hope we do but you never know. I stay doing remixes for him and we did a song together last year that’s supposed to come out somewhere at some point but, beyond that, I suppose it’s a matter timing and what projects he decides to work on in the future.

Which Roger Hargreaves character would you be for the Mr. Men book series? (you can make it up, doesn’t have to already exist)
mrworry contra

I used to loooooove these books. In fact, it’s safe to say, my enjoyment of reading peaked with these.
It’s hard to limit myself to just one of these guys. I mean, I’m a mix of so many of them. I’d say I land somewhere between Mr. Rush, Mr. Happy and Mr Lazy.
I’ll tell you who I’m not…Mr Tickle. Cause that creep is like a walking court case waiting to happen. Don’t ever bring your kids around Mr. Tickle.

Hey block, I’ve been listening to your podcast and I think you n po are doing an awesome job, very entertaining stuff. But let me turn the tables here, I’d like to ask you what podcasts you got in the rotation? and also if you had the chance to be a guest on the podcast of your choice, which would it be? I know this may sound an awful lot like someone asking what albums you been bumping or favorite song or some shit, but trust me its nothing like that. cheerz!

I listen to a decent amount of Podcasts. The ones I bump on the regular are “The Champs”, “Call chelsea Peretti”, “Comedy Bang Bang”, WTF, “Uhh yeah dude”, Bill burr’s “Monday morning Podcast”, “Desus Vs. Mero” and “Who Charted?”. Other I listen to , depending on the guest, are “Shots Fired”, Jay Mohr, Joe Rogan, “Fitzdog Radio”, “Kinda Neat”, “Who did this get made?”, and “Combat Jack.
Of the ones I’d like to go on? I mean, I feel like The Champs and WTF would be the most fun for me. I’ve done Shots fired and Kinda neat and they were both awesome to be on. But being on a non-music based one would be interesting.

So I wear sunglasses on the subway sometimes. The reason being is that sometimes I get migraines (with aura) so if I feel one coming on or if one has already started, those glasses help. I know I probably look like an asshole, and I’m totally fine with that, but how much of an asshole do you think I appear to be?

Anyone who wears sunglasses indoors looks like an asshole. I understand you have your reason and that’s perfectly acceptable BUT, it doesn’t change the fact that you look like a dickhead. It’s like the L.A. dude who wears a wool hat in 90 degree weather. Maybe he has a really cold head all year around? But, even if he does, he looks like a dipshit.
That said, you can do whatever you want. Don’t like societies rules of proper sunglass conduct hold you back from stopping your migraines. Seriously, if it makes you feel better than fuck what people (and me) think. Besides, you don’t know us and you don’t owe us anything.
And, who knows, I’d venture to bet there are a few people who see it and think “Whoa…that dude must be a bad ass…he’s got sunglasses on…IN DOORS!”. It’s basically the adult version of a little kid wearing a leather jacket that reads “bad to the bone” on the back.

What do you admire about your mom?

My mom is awesome. It’s hard to pick specific things about her that I admire cause she’s a pretty all around person. She’s smart, open minded, reasonable and patient. She’s fair and also can cook really well when she feels like it. Also, she made me, which was really awesome of her to do.

Sex questions Speed round:
Is there anything that women get to do that men usually can’t do which makes you envious? (dig deep – I’ll be disappointed if the only answer you can come up with is: they can have sex whenever they want).

Give birth! just kidding. That sounds like the worst. Hmm…I actually am not envious of women from a sexual angle at all cause, well, they gotta deal with men. That’s must be a nightmare. As men, we just have to stick our dick in things, move it around and that gets the job done. It’s so much more complicated and mental for women. I want no part of that. I’m sure the payoff is better (Judging from male and female orgasms, it’s not even close) but, still…sex is something I’d like to simplify, not make more confusing.
So, umm…envious…hmm…This is tough. I feel like the answer here is to be able to feel a certain level of emotional bond with another person but, i dunno…I’m not envious of that at all either. I like being a soulless robot.
I’m sure there are a bunch of things I’m just obviously overlooking but, I gotta say, I’m stumped. It should also be noted, I’m not a particularly envious person by nature.
So, My answer is gonna be to have better flexibility and higher pain threshold. Seems like a cop out but it’s the only thing I can come up with that makes any sense.

Are you a fan of squirting? Referring to both watching it in porn and in life.
In real life, it’s cool. It’s definitely not something you wanna deal with every day. I mean, who does that much laundry? But, when it happens, it definitely feels like you’ve accomplished something.
In porn, i don’t really get into it. Partially cause it’s fake 99% of the time and partially cause the excitement of making a girl squirt is that YOU make that girl squirt. I don’t give a shit about seeing some other dude make it happen.

Have you ever noticed an errant nipple hair while touching a woman’s boobs?
Once or twice. I’ve never been faced with a hairy titted lady though. Just , like, one little hair here and there. It’s no big deal.

I think that the most common general fantasy that women have while masturbating is unrestricted sluttiness and variations on that theme. There will never be a concrete answer for this obviously, but what do you think women tend to masturbate about?

I’ve spoken to many different women at length about this cause I find it fascinating. So, off the bat, there is no general answer to this. The only thing I have gathered is that women have much better imaginations than man AND a lot of their fantasies are based in very specific situations. The attention to detail is crazy. Like , i know a girl who told me she masturbated to a look a guy gave her. Meaning, she’ was flicking her bean to a look that, in her fantasy, lead to a conversation. She said they didn’t even have sex in her mind. It was about the build up. As a dude, do you know how crazy that sounds? But, then again, on the other side of things, I’ve spoken to girls who will just be like “Yeah, i just imagine this guy I like fucking me in a nice place”. So, yeah…I’d say you guys are all over the map. Meanwhile, dudes just scroll through porn videos with their dicks in their hands looking for that one thing that makes them say “eh…i can finish to this…”.
Humans are beautiful creatures.

Answers for Questions vol. 194

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Sup brah? Oh, hey girl?
How was your weekend of independence? I hope it was free.
Welcome to another edition of “Answers for questions”. You ask, I answer. As always, I’d love you to participate. In fact, not only that, but do so in an original and strange fashion. Send me questions to phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comment section below. I accept everything.

On the last Rogglecast you guys bemoaned the sense of entitlement that you inferred from Kickstarter projects. To paraphrase you said something like “back in the old days you worked for your art and suffered to put yourself out there”.

Interestingly, an artist I’m a fan of has gone one step further back beyond “the old days” and is doing some strange Romanesque artistic patronage strategy. He proposed a limited run of $50 in advance for all of the material that he would release in a calendar year, plus some other bonuses, just so that he might have some financial stability up front.

I just wondered what you thought of that? Is it the same as Kickstarter, or more noble, or more pretentious, or just weird? Does it compromise the “artistic struggle”?

Sounds like a Kickstarter off-shoot to me. It’s still an artist asking others to fund his own art. It’s especially strange cause , and I could be mistaken here, he sounds like he’s doing fine art. Painting or sculpture. That type of art is so much more subjective, I can’t imagine just blindly giving that dude money to see what he comes up with. At least with film or music you have some basis on whether or not the product will be to your liking. That basis being “i like this guys last album” or “The movie stars so and so, who I’m a fan of”. With this, he could take that $50 bucks and make art out of baby blood and used tampons. Who fucking knows?
But yeah, it’s the same concept as kickstarter to me. Art existed fine before kickstarter. Broke people made due with what they had and still created. The addition of begging strangers for hand outs is very “un- artistic” to me. That said, if anyone ever feels like sending me money for anything, I’ll take it cause money is awesome.

What was your take on grunge while it was happening/in retrospect?

During that era, I was as deeply immersed in rap as a human possibly could be. I’d say that was my most , over the top, purist stage ever. So, pretty much nothing else was getting in to my musical interests that didn’t contain a rapper and a beat.
I clearly Kurt Cobain dying and not caring an iota. I went to school that day and a few kids were really broken up about it. I literally gave it a passing thought of “oh, whelp, that happened…” and that was it. I didn’t even think about it again.
When the rap/rock album “Judgement night” soundtrack dropped (not grunge but, to me, it shared the same space), I hated it deeply (accept the de la/ teenage fanclub song, which i thought was okay, at the time). The whole idea of the album was a failure to me. Like oil and vinegar. I stand by that to this day though. That album fucking sucked.
Looking back, i still don’t like any of that genre. It just wasn’t for me. Grunge , in particular, seemed rooted in angst and that simply wasn’t a quality I had or supported back then. I always related grunge and music like it with being very suburban. Like “hanging out behind the 7-11 drinking beers and smoking cigarettes on a weekend night” type of music. To be fair, I just never really got into most rock music in general. Especially stuff post 1980.
So, to answer the question, I didn’t give a fuck about at all back then and I still pretty much don’t give a fuck about it now. 90’s rock , in general, is some of my least favorite “current” music ever. Better than Reggaeton, but still pretty bad, in my opinion.

It’s become apparent that I’m a good writer who is terrible at speaking, born of little talking and tremendous reading. I doubt that will change in the future as this summer I’ll probably be spending more time alone than ever. On top of being bad at articulating my points, I lack the momentum to get all of whatever I can do out there without the conversation moving on 12 times and I begin to feel like the asshole trying to bring it back to what I really wanted to mention but can’t.

My teachers agree I’m one of the more well-read high school students they’ve met, and I’ve moved beyond the fear of coming off as self-righteous when I say that I actually have things to say, and there’s a fear of not being able to say what’s mine to say, as Updike put it.

In fact I’ve recently found myself suppressing urges to tell people things just because I know it won’t come out like I hope it will, which develops issues when my boyfriend’s involved and sharing information becomes kind of relevant. The best I can hope for is to ramble long enough that he gets some idea of what I mean without falling into some pitfall of words that only gives me more to explain than before.

So obviously, I think to myself, “What would the guy from Dour Candy do?”

This was originally gonna be in “Ask Dr. Tony” but I opted to drop it here.
First off, I’m not sure what the question is here. Are you asking how you can become someone who can express thoughts better verbally? It would appear your writing is as confusing as you describe your social interactions to be. If that is your question, I have no idea. We all have different ways of functioning socially. Some are quick witted in person but can’t spell. Others are more internal and socially awkward. You sound like the latter. I suppose the best you can do is just get more comfortable with the idea of speaking socially. You have a boyfriend…talk to his dumb ass. Maybe try and slow down your mind when speaking to people. Simplify your train of thought. Easier said than, done, I’m sure but, hey , this honestly seems like a problem for a real professional to help you with. Not a guy who made the beats on “Dour Candy”.
I’d also add that just cause you’ve read a ton of books, that doesn’t immediately translate into you being a smarter person. That just means you’ve read a lot of books. I know plenty of complete idiots who are extremely well read. If you love reading and get something out of it, that’s cool. You’re lucky to have a passion like that. Just don’t think that one thing automatically makes you better at anything. I’d advise heavily against becoming one of those people who quotes writers all the time in conversation cause , not only does it come off as smug and pretentious, but ain’t nobody got time for that shit. Save it for a book club.

What is something you enjoy doing that most other people don’t enjoy doing? (besides laundry, that’s too easy of an answer)

I find Sacrificing virgins to be reflective and calming. Just kidding.
I like stats. I like keeping track of them and even doing the math involved to keep tabs on them. When I was much younger, I used to play nintendo baseball and keep detailed stats of all my players. This was before they did it for you. I’d play entire seasons with them. To this day, I strangely enjoy it. It’s funny cause I’m not particularly good at math and, in general, the things I might keep stats on are totally pointless. I think I just enjoy seeing how things accumulate and how the laws of averages generally function.

do you fold the shit tickets or bundle them up before use? I was trying really hard here.

I do a little of both. The ass wiping curiosity out there is fascinating. This must be how girls feel when dudes ask them about dick size all the time.

Hey Blockhead,
I noticed that in a lot of the pictures of you from the early 2000’s you are wearing a beret. Have you since ditched this accessory or do you still rock it occasionally? Can you defend the wearing of a beret? I will say that you looked good in it, which is odd, because most dudes just look like a fricken’ flamer with it on.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA…a beret? I’ve never worn a beret in my life. I think you’re referring to the cabbie hat/newsie I used to wear in all my press photos. This one:
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To be clear, this is a beret:
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I can see how you might be confused but, trust me, they are wildly different styles of hats. As for that hat, I still have it but I wear it very rarely. I wore it back then cause I was not wearing baseball hats much at that time and I wasn’t wearing kangols. It just felt like a nice middle area for me. It’s a dope hat though. True story: Aesop gave it to me in college.

Pick a website:

a) OMG facts
b) Cracked
c) College Humor
d) none of the above

I don’t frequent any of these sites but I also don’t have a problem with any of them. I’d say, of the three, the one I find myself on the most is College humor. Usually cause people on facebook will post links of it. I honestly didn’t even know OMG facts was a website. I thought it was simply a twitter feed…and I prefer UBERfacts to that anyway.

Answers For Questions volume 193

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Whattup everyone? Welcome to another edition of “Answers for questions”. Steadily creeping up on Volume 200, which is when I’m spontaneously combust and that will be that. Looking forward to it.
Anyway, if you’d like to join the fun, I’m always accepting new questions. Send them to me! Either email them to Phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comments below. The stranger, the better. At this point, we’ve pretty much covered everything else.
So, let’s get into this weeks crop.

If you could be any inanimate object what would you be? I’d like to be a lamp

The corny answer here would be something like “Emily Ratajakowski’s Vibrator” but I’mma go high brow on this and say the presidents desk in the oval office. imagine all the things I would see and hear! It would be insane. Just kidding, I’d still wanna be that vibrator.

at what point, if any, did you start to experience your *fame*..? and feel that you were making an impact on the vast diaspora of music?

I can’t say I’ve ever experienced it that much cause it’s not really a thing. The most I’ll see it is at my own shows but, in real life? Not so much. Outside of the occasional person stopping me on the street (that happens maybe twice a year ,tops) and the even less frequent free dish at a restaurant (cause someone who works there recognizes me) I’m pretty much completely under the radar. Which is awesome. I would hate to have my life style hindered due to people bothering me every time I was in public.
So, no, I’ve never felt like I was making much of an impact on the vast diaspora of music. The only time I’ll even notice I may have had any sort of influence is when I do my demo reviews. Even then, it’s rare.

What are the 3 grossest things you remember seeing on the ground within the ny subway system? PS: what do new yorkers call the subway – the train?

To answer your PS, it’s cause they are literally trains. The “Subway” is what the trains travel through. You don’t ride the subway, you ride the train. But you go to the subway to catch a train. at least, that’s how I’ve always understood it. It’s like the difference between an airport and a plane.
Hmm…let’s see.
1) A guy shitting in a 3/4 full car. The craziest thing was, it was between stops and , instead of leaving the car to go to the next one, people just formed an invisible circle. People were gagging though and the second the the train stopped the entire car emptied out. Dude literally pulled his pants down and shat on one of the corner seats. Easily the grossest thing i’ve ever seen on the train.
2)A dude jerking off.
Every story I have ever heard of guys jerking off on trains has involved the Queens bound F train. No clue why that train is such a hub of unwanted erotic activity but, for some reason, it is. One day, I was going to work (I was about 19 and I worked deep in queens off the last stop off the F train). It was like 7:30 in the morning. This fucking creep was wearing sweat pants and straight jerking his shit to a few catholic school girls. His dick wasn’t out but he wasn’t being at all subtle. In general, seeing a dude on a queens bound F train in sweatpants is a good sign to move.
3) Various disgusting homeless people.
There is no one particular one I can point to but I’ve seen so many unfortunate souls on the train with growths, open wounds and, worst of all, unfathomable smells. It’s fucked up but few things on earth smell worse than an obese homeless woman on the train in the summer. It’s really a testament to how bad a person can smell if gone unchecked. Like, and my apologies to everyone reading this, you can smell their rotting vaginas from like 40 feet away. That is the only smell worse than summer bum feet. Which is only slightly worse than human shit.

Do you ever ‘partymix’ when listening to podcasts? TO PARTYMIX, is this really lame term I just came up with bc can’t think of anything better, but what I mean is playing a random show/movie on mute while listening to an episode of whatever. Some of the best stuff online these days is within podcasts, but I’m SUCH a visual learner and prefer to stare at something consistent so I don’t zone out. For example, I find the ROGGLECAST is best paired with a muted episode of “Ready or Not” “Fresh Prince” or “Who’s the Boss.” So, doyoudothat?

Nope. I’d maybe do that if i was watching a sporting event but I’d much sooner just play a podcast while I’m perusing the internet. TV time is TV time for me.

If you were “that guy” and for some reason insisted upon naming your firstborn after a spice, which spice would be most acceptable to you as a person’s name? Saffron, Parsley, Ginger, Dill, Paprika, Clove, Thyme.

Ginger is a real name so I guess that wins…even though, it’s kind of a stripper name.
I actually think Thyme or Saffron would work but all these names are distinctly feminine to me. I guess men can’t really be named after spices.

really serious question tho, would you rather bang skyler from breaking bad with the head of skinny p in the back of a nice sports car or would you rather bang a loose scarlett johannson with the head of bill clinton in the confines of your place?

regardless, nobody would ever have to know about either of these. you have a third option of neither, however if you chose not to, then you have to live in the same apartment for the rest of your life and you can’t fix anything. meaning that if you get a slow leak, you have to deal with that shit forever until you die. if your paint peels, or you break the sheetrock, then you gotta just deal like the strong willed man you are. also there is a non harmful spider in a dark corner of your house that can’t be killed, doesnt harm you, but in general sucks to have around. basically like a real life hologram wolf spider. if you do follow through with it, you are exempt and rewarded with a $25 walmart gift card.

The easy answer would be the scarlet johannson/Bill clinton mash up , simply cause johansson has a dope body and I could just hit it from the back. Also, being in my own place would be a plus. The “Neither” option is intriguing as well cause, well, I basically live like that already. The only reason anything gets fixed or upgraded in my apartment is cause of my girlfriend. Before she moved in, outside of replacing lightbulbs and having a terrifying spider, I was living that life already. That said, my house is prone to problems and I don’t think i could live here the rest of my life without fixing it. The black mold alone would kill me. Oh well, Scarlet Clinton it is.

Answers for questions vol. 192

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Hello everyone…Time , once again, for another mystical and magical trip through my inner minds eye hole AKA Answers for Questions. That thing where you guys ask me anything on your godforsaken minds and I answer it. If you’d like to join the fun, send me questions! Either leave them in the comment section below or email them to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com. Both those methods have been proven successful. So, yeah…do that.
Anyway, here is this weeks batch.

I think that people who are in crowded public places or who go jogging outside with their headphones on are absolutely bananas. How could they not realize that you could be snuck up on at any time! Is that weird?

That is weird. I think you may have trust and social anxiety issues. I’m a person who often had headphones when I walk around. Crowds or not. As long as you’re being aware of your surroundings it’s a non-factor.
I love walking home drunk, late at night, just listening to my ipod. Talk about being a sitting duck but, still, I’ve come out okay so I’mma keep doing it.

If you needed to churn out a creative FMK question for a guy friend of yours, what would you come up with? Give a girl option and an inanimate option svp s’il vous plait.
Hmm…
Girl option: A hot nun, a mediocre looking college student or busted prostitute who is a sexual dynamo
Inanimate option: Farts, burps, or sneezes

Hey Block, Question: How do you feel about the word “faggot” in rap? It seems like the cultural shift is making it less common on albums now, conscious rappers like KRS never used it, rappers like El-P used it in the CoFlow days but grew out of it, Eminem has always used it but offensive is kind of his game, having gay friends and being a pretty conscious guy I would never use it in daily life, but I give most rappers a pass because I like the music, basically I prefer not to hear it but it’s not a deal breaker for me (except with Immortal Technique I think it’s kinda hypocritical because he’s all about injustices to minorities, so no pass) I know rap fans where the word ruins songs/artists for them…So does it bother you on any level?

It doesn’t bother me in the slightest. I don’t tend to be a fan of word policing on any level and , more than anything, I’m simply not easily offended. I also come from an era where it was common place so it’s not exactly shocking to me.
I fully understand why some words are offensive to people and why a word like “faggot” would really upset certain people. It’s a harsh word with a history to it. That said, it’s also a word that means different things in 2014 depending on the context. Brand Nubian using it when describing how they hate gay people is much different than , say, El-P using it simply as a word of insult.
I was listening to the WTF podcast the other day and Marc Maron had Rupaul on as a guest. It’s a great episode, btw. Anyway, the discussion of hate words came up and Maron asked Rupaul how he feels about words like “faggot” and Rupaul was like “Oh, I don’t give a shit. I say it all the time” then he went on to make the point that those words only have power if you give them power and ,If someone calls you a “faggot”, and you let it hurt your feelings, that’s as much on you as it is them. I’m paraphrasing in a major way here, but that was his basic point. It was honestly the first time I had ever heard a famous gay person take that stance and I found it pretty refreshing. I’m sure others don’t agree with that take and I fully respect that but , still, it’s nice to hear people who simply aren’t that bothered by aimless words, no matter how cruel their history may be.
So, yeah, it doesn’t bother me. But, then again, I probably would’t be bothered if a random rapper said “Blockhead is a terrible person” on a record cause, if he didn’t know me, what do I care? I just don’t get bothered by that kinda stuff in general.

So what do you think when people use shortened twisted versions of words on the web? I know it’s nothing new but it’s annoying when I hear it a lot. Like when I think Kanye West used “cray” now it’s kind of a word?wtf. I guess it wouldn’t bother me too much, but now I see RJD2 using “Yung” on the internet. Is it just ironic now? Mebbe it’s just those two words and goddamn “bae” for baby that are most annoying. I’ve even felt the urge to spell things differently myself…? What the hell? Do you find yourself about to change your vocab to stay with the awesome trends?

I’m pretty sure a lot of those words have swung around to the “irony” category by now.At least with adults. RJ using “Yung” ,for sure, is an example of that.
I am not that bothered by people using those words online. I get that , not only are they in vogue but it’s also just short cuts to typing less words. In the twitter/texting age, people seem to be doing that kinda shit regardless of if they have a character limit. That said, when they start actually vocalizing those words,I think those people are kinda ridiculous. It’s definitely more acceptable for women to do it, cause it’s kinda cutesy (still, corny though but ladies seem to get graded on a curve when it comes to things like that), but for dudes? unacceptable. I don’t ever wanna here some guy say the word “Perf” to me. Or, even worse, say “O.M.G.” out of his mouth.
If you’re a man and you say that out loud, you should be ashamed of yourself. Hell, your parents should be ashamed of themselves too cause they created you.

Last Wednesday I “climbed” a tree by trying to jump and grab a branch with one hand. Unfortunately I underestimated the momentum and i swung forward. I felt the crust crumbling under my left hand as my body was almost horizontal. I lost my grip and fell right on my ass. Apart from the shock there was no significant initial pain but the next day i could hardly walk from the pain in the western hemisphere of my ass. It’s been a week now and since I have got a lot of hair back there and no girlfriend it is hard to find volunteers to massage it.

Needless to say I did not see the doctor yet, as I am one of these guys (like all men are) who goes to see a doctor when it is too late. Meaning my ass will be amputated along with the portrait of my mother.

I considered shaving my ass so people would not be disgusted by the imagination to massage this shit out of my ass (Pun level 3000) but this is like some Yoga-advanced shit my stiff body is not capable of. So again I would need help to do that.

You see, I am kind of trapped in this vicious cycle of hairiness and lack of self-reliance.

Please help me Blockhead!

Umm…shave your ass. Or don’t. More importantly, stop living out you jungle book ass life fantasies and stop climbing trees. What are you, seven years old? you got a tree house, guy?
Trust be told, I doubt anyone is gonna wanna massage your ass no matter what it looks like. But I have good news! There are people who do that for a living and accept money in exchange for those services. Find one and pay them and your ass can look like captain caveman’s and no one will say shit to you. And, who knows, if it’s the right type of massage spot, you could possibly get a $20 hand job out of it as well.

How come there’s often shitty sound quality at the majority of shows, small or big? That’s so weird to me because it seems like it be the 1# priority to take care of when you’re a venue that hosts live music, but I also realize there must be factors involved that I’m not aware of. I’d say that roughly 35% of shows that I’ve been to have had good sound quality, and I’m not even that picky bout it. Why do you think that is?

There are many factors to this. Possible reasons include
1)Shitty sound guys who don’t care
2)Artist who control their own sound and think louder=better
3)the way certain rooms are set up and how the sound reverberates within that room.
4)bad speaker placement
And a bunch of other things I can’t think of now.
For me, the main issue is the loudness. I realize we live in a culture of excess and a huge part of seeing live music is feeling that music. However, it reaches a point when the music is so loud that all it’s nuances are lost. Too much low end can drown out any of the other parts of the song. Sometimes a room will have too much mids and everything will sound shrill. Simply turning things down a little will often help those issues but everyone feels the need to be the loudest.
I’m not one of these “Silent disco” types but I do think it’s a good idea, where sound quality is concerned. Giving people control of their own music volume is a good idea. I’d be willing to bet those people actually listen to the music at a sane level and still enjoy it just as much.
I’d also like to add that, as performers, this loud ass shit is fucking us up. It’s gonna be scary how many famous dj’s are going to be deaf in like 20 years. We’ll be the music equivalent to football players and concussions.

Do you feel weird when you realize that you were once a person who used to chew on their own feet and love it? {because you were once a baby and ALL (most) babies put their feet in their mouths}?

It’s funny you bring this up cause I think about that all the time! Just kidding. I’ve never once given that an even passing thought. So, no, I don’t feel weird about it at all. Furthermore, baby feet are adorable and , generally, pretty clean. I’d put a baby foot in my mouth right now, bro! Also, when you think of all the crazy shit babies put in their mouth (IE: Everything they come across) Feet are actually pretty sanitary by comparison. I can only hope that, when I was a baby, I went hard of the feet chewing. It’s really the only time in life that’s okay.