Answers for Questions vol. 239

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Hi Everyone! Welcome to another edition of “Answers for questions”. You ask, i answer. Wanna be a part of the magic? Well, it’s as simple and thinking of a question and asking me. Do that first part, type it and send it to me via email (phatfriendblog@gmail.com) or leave it in the comment section below. Ask anything you want. all i ask of you is to try and make it interesting. Get creative. Okay? Great. Can’t wait to hear from you.

Where was the sketchiest place you’ve ever done drugs?
I’ve never really been one to do hard drugs in sketchy places (or at all ,really). When I’ve done molly or shrooms, it’s been in safe environments. Does smoking weed count? Cause I’ve definitely smoked weed in some unsavory places. Creepy apartments in the hood, run down shacks in the burbs. Those kinda places.
In general, when I think of being the least comfortable getting fucked up I always think back to this random house party I went to in high school. Some girl from my school had a place in long island and invited us city kids to come party. I had assumed it was some fancy mansion type shit. We get there and it looked like a juggalo’s asshole. A fucked up little house with a lawn that looked like it had been burned. Out back there was a pool with brown water in it filled with years of discarded beer bottles. Her friends were all local scum bags doing weird drugs I had never seen before. The kind you get a super markets that aren’t meant to be drugs. I was just drinking 40’s like a civilized man. At one point, i was on some filthy couch with a friend and some random townie. He was smoking something that wasn’t weed. He proceeded to go on a long rant about how blacks and jews are taking over, casually dropping N-bombs like it’s nothing. It was literally the first time I had been around a truly , out the box racist. Shit blew my mind. My friend and I (both partial jews) just nodded and crept away when his high kicked in enough to not notice us. That was a shady night for sure. Half cause of the whole scene but also cause it was in the middle of nowhere and I would have no idea how to get home had I not had a ride.

I’m sure this has been covered before, but which rappers/producers do you think have the best twitters, instagrams, etc.?

Let’s be honest, musicians (ESPECIALLY rappers) are awful at social networks. Instagram is a little easier but twitter? Goddamn…Thank god for the “mute” button.
That said, there are some people who do a great job.
My man Elaquent’s instagram is mad funny. El-P has a good instagram. Rob Sonic is always good on both twitter and instagram. Open mike Eagle has a good twitter.
You know, looking at it now, it’s not that rappers/producers have a bad social network presence (I’m sure there are plenty of people who feel that way about me, btw) it’s just they post shit that doesn’t interest me. I’m sure their fans are into it. But things like pics with their friends I don’t know, food, tour buses, and their pets? Eh, I’m good on that.


If you had to be in a group like franky valley and the 4 seasons, which guy would you be?
Tiny super high pitched front man?
Low key super deep voice dude?
One of the mid range guys?
Why?

Hmm…that’s tough. It depends if we’re talking about my actual singing capabilities or if this is more about personality. I’d say, singing wise, I’d probably be a mid range guy but I can kinda hit some of those high notes when I sing from my throat. But , if you mean in a more metaphorical sense, I’d be the low voice guy. Kinda in the background but ,at the same time, holding it all together.

When does rap with rock influences cross into rap rock? Or is there a line at all?

Like when does it work? Rarely. I think the only time it works is when it’s done naturally. Also, all parties involved have to have an intimate understanding of what makes good rap music and what makes good rock music. The problem with the mixing of those two styles is that you got one rock guy and one rap guy. Neither really understand the other genre with any real depth so they’re taking the other persons word for it. There’s no middle ground for someone to be like “But wait, that’s corny!”. I’ve long said that the meshing of rap and rock has sucked since run dmc/aerosmith. There have been a few exceptions where people were able to find a really nice happy medium. Honestly, it works best when the rock dudes understand rap. Then they can kinda get in the pocket and adhere their styles to what the rappers do. Cause when rappers try to “rock out” it’s fucking embarrassing for everyone involved.

Where do you see yourself in 20 years?
let’s see…I’ll be a few years from 60.
I have no idea. I imagine I’ll have a kid or two. I also imagine I will not be touring or making rap beats anymore. Man…20 years from now is a scary prospect. So, I’mma go with “I’ll be a person who died in the great manhattan consuming tidal wave of 2032″. That’s an easy answer but as likely as any other bullshit I’ll come up with now.

In high school did you ever skip class, vandalize, or cause ruckus?
I was not that kind of kid. I mean, I did dumb shit but never on a major level. I didn’t get in fights or fuck up school property (outside of drawing on desks).Although I did possibly assist in throwing an entire desk out of a 3 story window. I can’t confirm or deny that though.
I don’t think I even skipped classes, which is funny cause I was someone who didn’t give a shit about school. But I was also someone who didn’t really think outside the box like that. Skipping class had consequences (being in school more) so I figured why bother?
What i did do was get kicked out of class all the time. I was somewhat of a class clown/wise ass and would get thrown out of class on a fairly regular basis for saying dumb shit. It was always in the context of the class though. Like, in 8th grade, I had this unmarried orthodox jewish guy teaching us sex ed. I didn’t know much back then but I was pretty sure he was a virgin. so, I thought it was funny that he was teaching us about sex. I once asked him ” But…What does sex feel like?” and he got furious and bounced me outta class. After that, I made it my mission to ask him uncomfortable questions about sex. He eventually kinda gave up on scolding me and just told me to shut up every time I had a question. It felt like a personal victory.

Answers for Questions Vol. 238

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Hi guys. Welcome to another stirring edition of “Answers for questions”. I’m always in need of new questions so don’t be a shy #sadboy. Send me shit! Either email me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave the questions in the comment section below.
Also, I got the final 4 dates of my tour this coming week. Hitting Vancouver, Seattle, Portland and Bellingham. For more info: http://blockheadmusic.com/. Come on out cause I probably won’t be hitting the road much for the rest of the year. Time to make music again!

I’ve been listening to Spark Master Tape since you posted about him a couple years ago. You have addressed the importance of authenticity in hip hop a number of times. At is point, do you give a shit who he is, or is the music strong enough to stand on its own? Say his identity comes out and it’s clear that the character is 100% fabricated. Is there a scenario in which you could no longer listen to him, based on who he is?

I think, in his case, the music is bigger to me than the authenticity. As far as I can tell, he’s playing a character on some level. That’s fine with me. His creativity is what drew me to his music. He can rap very well, he uses crazy beats and has his own style of how he puts songs together. I actually have an idea of who he is. Not specifically but I’ve gotten some info here and there that has pointed me to a likely answer. From what I’ve gathered (most info came from one particular internet sleuth who seems to have cracked the code), SMT is a dude who was an underground rapper for years who simply wasn’t getting shine. He made SMT and , all of a sudden, people took notice. I’ve also heard he’s not from the US and , race-wise, he’s neither white or black. Possibly of Arabic descent or maybe latino. My guess has always been he’s canadian cause his production crew is from there. So, that’s all I really have on him but, to be honest, I don’t care. I just want more music by him. He’s awesome.

Do you consider yourself a feminist?
Hmm…I never have thought that. I mean, I’m all for equality on every level for everyone but a card carrying feminist? Nah. I’m way too apathetic about everything to really ever get involved with a cause that deeply.
My approach to most things in the vein is “OBVIOUSLY we should all be treated equally”. It’s a given to me. But I’m also not a person who protests or takes strong public stands. It’s just not in my nature.

I recently got approved for SSI and will be getting around $10,000 back pay that I’m required to “spend down” in 9 months to stay eligible for monthly SSI checks. I know SSI isn’t a lot of money and I’m pretty much going to be poor anywhere I choose to live. I sort of see this as an opportunity to pick up and move myself somewhere in the United States. As someone who has toured and traveled quite a lot I’m wondering where you would go to if you could pick up and live anywhere and be assured an income. I currently live in a state with a long hard winter and would preferably move away from snow. I’m mostly into art, computers, and keeping to myself.

If you’re into computers and keeping to yourself, the world is your oyster. You can live anywhere and be happy. The art part is a little trickier but it also depends on what kind of art. Fine art? Like you wanna be around museums? Or do you mean just artsy people?
I think Portland, OR could be a decent spot. Asheville, NC is somewhat cheap and has all those things. If weather is something of that concerns you, California. There are tons of town in southern cali that I’m sure are affordable and offer and mellow life. Honestly, if you’re a person who doesn’t leave the house much anyway, you might as well live in a suburb. Save your money. Spending money on a location that you don’t plan on using seems like a waste. Sounds like you need to just get out of the north for the winters.

As we get older, our close and long-standing friendships tend to become more important and valuable to us. Do you ever tell your friends that you love them?

You mean like my male friends? Good lord no. I don’t really have those kinda relationships. Not that I don’t love my friends but I’m not one of those expressive type of guys. Most my buddies and I are too busy busting each others balls to say “I love you, bro” to one another as a focused statement. In fact, it would be both hilarious and weird if we did. With girl friends (not my actual girlfriend) that phrase can come up but, even then, it’s thrown around pretty meaninglessly. Like casually saying “Okay, later, I love you” as we get off the phone. Even then, it’s a very particular type of friend that would initiate that with me.
Clearly, I’m a man who’s not comfortable with expressing my emotions but, at the same time, I don’t walk around with an overwhelming urge to express my love to the people close to me. I’m content with that. As far as I can tell, we’re all good.

Do you think that San Fran seems kinda like the “new New York” in some ways? (In that, rental prices have experienced an exponential increase in a short period of time). This is from a non-american on the outside looking in, so forgive my naivete!

Kinda but not really. Yes, they’re both awesome cities that are expensive and being overrun by rich assholes. Outside of that, they’re really nothing a like. As far as cities and how they run, they’re worlds apart. They are my two favorite cities though. Sucks that they’re both so damn unaffordable!

I think you are pretty well known among underground hip-hop cirlces, but lets say you were ever to blowup and become more well known, at least to mainstream America. Would you accept an invitation to play in the NBA’s Celebrity game? How do you think you would do if you played? I have never payed the game much attention so im not sure who participates now days but do you think you could give guys like terrell owens, bieber, timberlake, michael rappaport work? anyone you would gladly throw an elbow at?

ohhhh….good question. It depends. I’m definitely a type who would get nervous on that big stage. I’d mostly likely pass a lot and hit the boards. That’s kinda what I do when I know I’m not a main scoring option. I’d take open shots and all but I wouldn’t be forcing my offense.
Skill wise, I’m pretty confident I could hang with most of the celebrities that play in those games. A dude like Common looks like he’s actually pretty good might be tough for me to guard but most of those guys are my level or worse. The athletes? No way. Terrell owens would obliterate me. They may be professionals in other sports but an athlete is an athlete. But those other guys? I’d be fine. I’ve actually played with Rappaport once before at a park. He was decent but kind of a ball hog. Fitting though cause he’s an actor.
I wouldn’t throw an elbow at anyone cause I don’t play dirty like that but I would be gunning to swat some shots. Sending a Bieber shot into the stands would feel amazing.

Have you ever had a really good idea that had either been done before or someone else beat you to it?

Sure, all the time. That’s how music goes. More often than not, I’ll flip a sample and it will be sitting on the shelf and someone else will drop a song with that same sample in it. That’s infuriating. Especially if I liked the beat I made. I can’t say I’ve ever had some grandiose concept album idea that got used before I could do it. I don’t really work that way though. And , being that I make beats, there’s only so far my ideas can go. It’s not like I’d think “Man, i should sample some steel drums!” then someone else does it and I’m like “Oh man, forget that idea!”. It’s all how you execute your ideas. Two people can think of the same shit and the end result will be completely different.

Answers for Questions vol. 237

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Helloooooo.
I’m back from a weekend jaunt. Thanks to BK, Boston and Burlington for coming out to my shows. Gotta say, Burlington goes off. THE BURL!
Anyhow, welcome to another edition of Answers for questions.
You ask, I answer. If you wanna ask me anything, do it. Don’t be a pussy about it. Either email me questions to phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave the questions in the comment section below. It’s anonymous and easy. Just try and be creative. It makes it better for both of us. Let’s peep this weeks batch.

What is the most efficient airport that you’ve stepped foot in?
What is the best meal you’ve had in an airport?
Who is the most interesting person that you’ve sat next to on a plane?

Efficient airport? It’s hard to say. The biggest airports are usually the most crowded and the more crowded the airport the less efficient it’s gonna be. A really small , local airport can often be the best cause it’s so simplified. So a place like Burlington or asheville will never be a hassle. They might get delays though.
Best meal? I can’t really think of one meal I’ve had that I was like “Holy shit!” in an airport. I never hit those specialty restaurants when I’m in airports ,no matter how long my layover. So, my answer will be probably a really delicious burrito at q’dobo, It was totally average had it been anywhere else but an airport but, at that moment, it was exactly what I wanted and it delivered. This answer could easily be switched to any number of mediocre airport staples though.
Most interesting person I’ve sat next to? I’ve never sat next to two types of people: Interesting or attractive. My neighbors on planes are 85% mid western moms who wanna chat or dudes of varying shapes and sizes who keep to themselves. So, to me, the most interesting a person can be is if they just leave me alone and keep to themselves. That’s EXTREMELY within my interests, when flying. I did once sit never to an african guy who moving to the US to go to college on a running scholarship. He was telling me shit about his life in africa and it was pretty insane. That guy was interesting for sure. But, at the same time, I kinda wanted to stop talking to him and just watch a movie.

I’m sure you’re familiar with the album Jaylib – Champion Sound. For the ones who aren’t, it’s Jay Dee and Madlib collaborating on an album in which one makes a beat and the other raps on it and vice versa. Well, in 2015, is there any combo of rapper producers you feel could make an album in that concept that would make you definitely want to check it out? Did you even like the Jaylib album?
MF Doom and Quelle Chris would work amazingly. I think their styles would compliment each other nicely.
I actually have never checked out the Jaylib record. I’ve never been a big fan of either of those dudes as rappers so it didn’t really appeal to me enough to check it out.


If you had to sell one inch of your dick (magically–there’d be no risk of surgical complications, and it’d be exactly the same, aside from the change in length) for $10,000; two inches for $100,000; or three inches for $1,000,000; which would you choose? You need to choose one, OR you can pay $10,000 to keep the length God gave ya.

I’d honestly just pay the $10,000. I can afford that and I’m not trying to lose anything from m body. I’m content with it , as is , and wouldn’t wanna mess with that in any way. This world of forced dick size modification seems like pretty fucked up place. Like the kind a crazy king with too much money would be running. This is not obama’s america.

Do you ever make beats that you have no intention of putting out? Do you, perhaps, ever try to make stuff that sounds more el-p-ish, mustardy, or [insert a beat maker who you like here] just for the sake of it? I feel like it must be a natural thing to do if you enjoy those styles, to some extent. If so, do you make a conscious effort not to incorporate those styles into your own music too much?

Every beat I make has a chance to be put out on some level. I don’t go into making stuff with that in mind though. I just make it and then it’s done. What happens after that is totally dependent on if a rapper happens to like it or if I come back to it and deem it worthy of being on an instrumental album. I have all sorts of beats that no one has ever taken though.
As for making beats to sound like other producers, nah. I mean, sometimes I’ll finish something and step back and think “That’s sounds kinda like ______” but I never set out to do that. I don’t pay that much attention to other producers nowadays. Not like I did when I was younger.

You write a lot about being a native New Yorker. In my decade living here, I’ve met a number of people who were born and raised here. I know people who grew up in the Bronx, uptown, downtown, Upper East and West, and all over Queens and Brooklyn. They seem totally different, based on their upbringings and backgrounds. I’ve worked in both midtown and Brownsville, and they seem like completely different worlds. So, what traits/characteristics/tendencies/etc. do you think all New Yorkers share that are unique to them? What does the “average” Upper East Side native have in common with the average person from East New York? What do you have in common with them?
Hmm…Well, I think there is a huge difference between someone from the upper east side and brownsville. Those are indeed entirely different worlds and share very little common ground. I can’t say there is much crossover between those two groups. Hell, as a downtown new yorker, I even felt a large difference from the upper east people. That’s the thing about NYC, it’s very much a sectional city. I always tell people visiting to never bother going above 23rd street. Then they’re like “But what about central park and the museums?” and I’m like “Oh yeah…I guess if you’re into that kinda kinda shit…”. Different strokes, I suppose.
That said, a born and bred new yorker will generally be:
1)highly alert
Just simply walking around here your whole life makes you hyper aware of your surroundings. I didn’t grow up in a dangerous hood but it didn’t make me just some dude who casually walks down the streets whistling to myself without a care. I’m always alert. Cause, even in the nice areas (in the 80’s and 90’s at least) you never knew.
2)move at a quicker pace both in foot speed and thought
I think it’s just the speed of which the city runs. It’s brisk. When I go out west, I feel like I’m walking underwater and constantly finishing peoples sentences. I’m also pretty impatient in general though.
3)be somewhat jaded at a younger age
We get exposed to most things in abundance early on so it’s only natural that you’re gonna burn out on caring about some things a little younger than someone in a different city.
4)will be more exposed to most things under the sun than your average person from somewhere else
This is a huge umbrella…it includes people, cultures, food, insanity, violence, wealth, etc…
NYC is a hub of all things. If you grow up here, it’s almost engrained. You won’t even notice until you leave NYC and see places to compare it to. That said, I’ve certainly met kids from the hood and dudes from the upper east side who never have left their neighborhoods. It happens.

El-P and Killer Mike have embarked on new phases in their careers as a group. I could be wrong, but it seems like El-P is reaching a wider audience now than ever (true?). Could you see the same happening for you? If so, who are some established rappers that you think you might find that winning combo with?
I’d say you are correct about El. He’s had a late career surge like I’ve never seen for a rapper. It’s pretty awesome and amazing. Now, could I see me having that same re-emergence? Not really. I simply don’t make the kind of music that will ever be that relevant to what’s popular in music at that moment. El happens to be a producer who has always been ahead of his time. His sound has evolved over time and it seems like the music and times have caught up with each other in a way that has created this explosion. Not to mention , Killer Mike is also just a great rapper who is the perfect match for those tracks. I don’t see that happening for me. Unless, sampling all of a sudden becomes super edgy and cool. But , legally, I don’t see that happening anytime soon.
Maybe if I did an album with Drake. That would probably help my career.

Answers for questions vol. 236

bunbun1
Hi there. Welcome to answers for questions. You guys send my questions about any and all things, and I give you my take on them. Why? Cause why not. If you have anything you wanna ask, email that question to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com or simply leave the question(s) in the comment section below.
Also, wanna give a strong shout out to the people who came out to my shows this weekend in texas and Abq. I had a great time. Check me this week in Brooklyn, cambridge and burlington. ore info here: http://blockheadmusic.com/
Anyway, let’s get into this weeks batch…

Do you have any bad memories from your life that physically pain you? Like when you think about them they just make you cringe?

I’m thinking physical pain here not mental anguish. The ones that make me cringe years later are all physical.
I got two that come mind. One was when I was around 22. I was playing basketball at the park and I went up for rebound. I used to jump pretty high back then so I was fairly high off the ground. I can clearly recall my brain saying “Your ankles are pretty loose right now” as I came down and , for some reason, I landed directly on the side of my right foot. Of course, it folded over and turned. I heard all sorts of pops and collapsed to the ground. I had twisted my ankle many times at that point but this was next level. I was curled up on the concrete for like 5 minutes. Turns out I tore three ligaments and I was injured for about 9 months or so. That shit sucked.
The other thing I recall is more visual. I was maybe 8 or 9 and at some summer party with my parents. There was a huge backyard there and I was running around like a little asshole. I guess I wasn’t paying attention (as little assholes tend to not do) and I ran into this rod that was sticking out of the ground. it dug into my shin and pretty much cut me to the bone. It was weird though cause I didn’t slice me. It jammed in, pushed my skin back and just exposed nothing but white. It wasn’t even bleeding that much. Also, I could push the skin back down and you would barely notice it.To this day I have a scar from it but it was the weirdest injury I’ve ever had.

Have you ever (while travelling) been so way beyond tired that you feel as though you’re about to start crying?

I’ve been close. Pretty much every time I go to europe there is a day or two where I pull an insane all nighter. This one time , I played a show in northern poland at this film festival. I flew in, arrived in poland at 8 am (1 am EST). I was supposed to be picked up then but our ride was like 1 or 2 hours late. When he finally comes, I find out we have to drive another 3 hours north to where the festival was. We do that, and I’m awake the whole time. Partially cause I can’t sleep on moving things and also cause this dude was driving like a psychopath. It was truly terrifying. So, we finally get to where we need to be and it’s like 1pm (9 am EST) and I think I’m gonna get to sleep now. Thing is, I thought we had a day off before the performance. Turned out, it was actually in about 5 hours. My friend, who I was traveling with, got to go to bed but I had to stay up and do sound check and pretty much had no chance to even lay down until after the show (that ended around 11 pm). So I just stayed up. By the time it was time for the show, I was feeling like my heart may stop. I did the set, almost fainting couple times during from pure exhaustion. At the end of that whole thing, I had been awake for about 48 hours in a row. There’s also that thing that , when you’ve been up for that long, it’s actually hard to fall alseep. Your body is so haywire it can’t settle down. It was awful. That kinda thing has happened to me a few times and always in europe. I’ve never cried cause of it but I definitely have though I might die or go crazy. Travel is a motherfucker.

regarding a comment you made in answers for questions vol. 232, why boycott all 7-11s in NYC? are they all that different from the Duane Reades?

That’s easy. Daune reade’s are a new york thing. They’re from the tribeca street names Duane and reade. While there are way too many of them, they’re still something that was birthed here.
7-11 , however, is some suburban shit. We didn’t have them here until about 5 years ago and we were doing fine. we have bodegas. Those are our 7-11’s. They’re all privately ran and they all are a little different. Sure, some bodegas suck but they serve a purpose. Corner stores open 24/7. That’s a very specific NYC thing.
Aside from being something we didn’t need, 7-11 signifies what’s going wrong with nyc right now. It’s as if they’re bringing in these suburbia based chains (denny’s, house of pancakes, dairy queen, etc…) just to make tourists and transplants comfortable. By doing that, they’re making this city like every other town in the US. NYC has never needed that stuff. We have good food here. Diners, pizza spots, and anything you can imagine that’s available 24 hours a day. We have perfectly fine corner stores all over. All this does is make it harder for those places to survive. I wouldn’t mind a while back cause those places didn’t thrive here always. A dunkin donuts opened up down the block from this place called “The donut pub” on 14th street. The donut pub is an institution that has been here forever. Dunkin’ donuts was clearly trying to take over. Well, fuck them cause it didn’t work. They shut down about 2 years later cause no one fucked with them. They all went to the donut pub. With 7-11, that’s not happening. Dumb motherfuckers are going there instead of the local bodegas that have been around forever. It’s a real telling sign of what’s going on right now in NYC and it’s not good.

What’s the coolest thing you can do for free?
Hmm…like in what respect? As a tourist? As a basic human?
Have sex. Play basketball. Go to the park. Murder a drifter. Any of those things are free and really really cool.

Have you seen that De La Soul is currently using kickstarter to fund their new “self-sampled” album? Do you have any thoughts about this?
Nope. Can’t say I’m too up to date on kickstarter or what rappers are using it. Self sampled? what does that even mean? Like they’re sampling their own music? That makes no sense and , on top of that, sounds really shitty. Also, why would you need a kickstarter to sample yourself? I could easily google this and get the correct info but, alas, I care that little so I’ll just stay right here, assuming shit until told otherwise. Also, the whole “help me raise money for my album!” shit on kickstarter is corny. Albums aren’t THAT expensive to make. Especially rap/electronic type of music. De la has been around for decades. I’m sure they can afford it.

How many sexual partners is too much for a women to be a long term girlfriend?

I think if, as a man, you’re so concerned with the number of sexual partners a girl has had, you better apply that same code to your own life. Men care way too much about how much a girl has fucked before they fucked them. Who gives a shit? It’s not like it’s really gonna make her vagina loose. If anything, she’s probably better at sex because of it. What happened before you has nothing to do with you. Stop being insecure pussies and worrying about peoples pasts. Unless all her sexual partners happen to be close friends of yours, it shouldn’t matter. I’m more weirded out by a 30 year old girl who only had sex with 2 guys than a 25 year old who’s fucked 50. So, to answer your question, 1 sexual partner is too much. Real men only date virgins and settle for nothing else. Also, if you flap your arms hard enough, you can fly. I swear to the lord almighty above.

If you to choose one beer to drink for the rest of your life what would it be?

Guinness cause it’s the only beer I like. I don’t drink beer. It’s filling and , in general, I don’t love the taste. I used to drink 40’s in my youth but, once I could afford liquor, that was my drink of choice. I never went back. Nowadays, I’ll only drink beer if I feel like a Guinness or if there is literally nothing else available. Also, I’ll sometimes have a beer at the end of a long night of drinking cause I know that another liquor drink will put me too far over the edge. But, even when I do that, I’m drinking whatever is the most watered down pissy beer the bar has.
So, yeah, not a beer guy.

Some Haiku about Dickheads

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Poetry has long been a passion of mine. Just kidding. I am a man without much passion who can barely read so poetry is just a bunch of flowery words to me. That said, I’ve always liked the simplicity of Haiku. There’s no escaping it. a 5-7-5 syllable structure. So, I’m sitting in a hotel room in Dallas with nothing to do so I decided to write some poems about variations of dickheads. I’m a poet. It’s official.

There are people who
go eat at nice restaurants
and write yelp reviews

Frozen pizza wise
The internet fights over
celeste or tombstone

I know some people
entitled cause they were born
they shit and piss too

Buddhist zen guy
So spiritual and free
has rage issues though

No TV for you
You read and brag about it
go live on the moon

There are people who
don’t know what food to order
but they make you wait

I-consider-myself-a-Poet-now

Facebook and twitter
friends family networking
full of dumb assholes

forty year old men
listen to music for teen girls
both irrelevant

Too many babies
in the airport with six kids
please stop having sex

Some people put the
Toilet paper roll backwards
they defend that choice

I know some people
offended by everything
fuck those people hard

poet

I know some men who
always get into fights drunk
cause they hate their dicks

mommy and daddy
I joined a flash mob today
I’ll see myself out

No please allow me
to hold the door for you sir
don’t thank me you prick

Youtube commenters
never ever stop being you
but die slow as well

There are people who
tell you stop being judgmental
they are judgmental

You are a dickhead
and you don’t even know it
You parents do though

poetry_image

Answers for Questions vol. 235

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G’day everyone. Welcome to “Answers for questions”. You ask, I do my best to answer. If you’d like to ask me anything…go nuts. Email me questions to: phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comment section below. Get creative. The better the question, the better the answer. Let’s gooooooo…

How old were you when you went to your first bar?


Good question.
I remember this very clearly. Back in the early 90’s, the NYC bar scene (at least downtown) was like the wild wild west. No one got carded. No one cared. This was pre-guiliani. So, the first time I went to a bar was new years eve, a couple months after turning 15. To be clear, I had drank a fair amount before that (house parties and 40’s from the bodega) but we never tried actually going to bars until that night. My two friends and I had nothing to do so we figured it would be fun to try out. Here’s the thing, I looked a little older. Mainly cause I was a tall kid. I was already 6 feet tall at this point. My face looked like a baby though. One of my other friends was similar to me. Tall but with a young face.The third friend, however, was the dead giveaway. He was shorter, chubby and had MASSIVE braces. Like you could see them from the moon. He was also the most outgoing of the three of us so it made for a funny situation.
I don’t know how we decided on what bar but we landed at this place called Mars bar. Little did we know, this was an nyc institution. It’s was a punk/biker bar we had walked by a million times. I suppose we chose it cause it looked like a dump and we figured we had a better chance of getting served at a shithole than somewhere kinda nice. We were right.
We go in and it’s full of adults. Obviously…it’s a bar. I can’t begin to fathom what people in there must have thought. We were clearly three children, dressed like 15 year olds in 1991, ordering drinks like “gin gimlet” or “margarita” cause we had no fucking idea what we were doing. There is a certain type of nervousness that went with ordering drinks at a bar as an underage person that is it’s very own thing. It’s as if you’re just waiting for someone to pull back the curtain at all times. I can’t imagine how timidly I must have ordered my drink but I’d be shocked if it wasn’t whispered. My brace faced buddy though? He was in there chatting up the bartender and ordering like it was owed to him.

Another thing I should add is that, we went SUPER early. It was new years eve and we must have gotten in there around 8 pm. Add on that were were novices with the alcohol tolerance of a squirrel and it was a short night. There was a window of fun in there though. My brace faced friend was hitting on every girl in there and that was hilarious. Watching a chubby, brace wearing dork with a fucking Jim Morrison shirt on trying to bag a 27 year old gutter punk girl ,with green hair and cloths pins in her eye brow ,was the best. He was on fire that night…until he wasn’t…around 10 or 10:30 we had had our fill and were way too drunk. We walked outside and my friend with the braces began to vomit violently between two cars. The rest of us weren’t feeling too hot either. We dumped out barfy bud off at his house and my friend crashed at my place. We both also eventually barfed and passed out before midnight. I distinctly recall the sounds of celebration coming from the streets outside my window , as the room was spinning while my eyes were shut.
Lessons were learned. The next day was my first hangover.
Years later I would go back to that bar as a legal drinker and it always bugged me out how small it was. It felt huge that first night. Sadly, it closed a few years back and is now a bank or a duane reade. :(

It dawned on me while listening to Eric Sermon’s verse on Housing Things that there are quite a bit of classic rappers that were successful despite their speech impediments. Off the top I’d put the RZA at the top of the list.

What are some of your favorite lispy rappers or rap moments?

Well, Kool G rap is probably my all time favorite rapper so that’s one right there. Lil Fame from M.O.P. is another one. Phantasm from the Cella Dwellers.
Sermon and Rza are in there as well.
You don’t really see rappers with speech impediments anymore. It’s kinda similar to how, back in the 70’s a pop singer could be terrible looking as long as the talent was there but , now, that kinda thing is very rare. I highly doubt speech impediments have stopped existing so I gotta think that no one in the current era is giving those guys a chance. It’s too bad too cause , as with all the dudes listed above, it can work nicely. Unless the got a stutter. Sadly, i can’t see rap ever embracing a real deal stutter.

Do you ever sing in the shower? How’s your singing voice in general?

Not with any regularity but I have done it in my life. If I have a certain song trapped in my head and need to exorcise those demons, singing in the shower often helps.
My singing voice is decent. I can hold a tune, harmonize and I’m decent at mimic-ing other people voices. That said, I’ve got one of those voices that is not good or bad enough to work in any real context. Like, even in something like Karaoke. I’m that weird middle ground where I won’t be funny cause I suck and I won’t be impressive cause I can really sing. I’ll just be the guy who can kinda sing okay. I sang a good amount on the Party Fun action committee album and on Aesop’s song “Cook it up“. You find my vocal stylings on those if you really want to feel the full impact.

why do you think Aes is seemingly only getting better (and more popular)? like what quality of him as a person forces his (other than 08-10) consistent and ever-evolving delivery?

i mean his rhymes and beats have both gone from ‘this dude is really good’ to ‘this dude is one of the best'; few people have it in them to actually ‘progress’ as artists to the degree that he has.

HOW DOES HE DO IT!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!

I’d say cause he works really hard and won’t allow himself to be half assed. He is easily the most focused artist I’ve ever seen and his work ethic is epic. I think a lot of artists who have been making music and locked down their fan bases get comfortable. Aes has never been like that. He always wants to improve and even move outside his own comfort zone.
It’s funny to me when I meet fans at shows who say shit like “Man, you guys need to remake float!” cause he’s SOOOOO much better now. I realize people have this emotional connection to his older stuff (and my older stuff, for that matter) but, if you step back he’s so much better now than he was then. It’s not even close.

I turn 26 this year and thus will no longer be under my parent’s health or dental insurance. Gross teeth scare the shit out of me so I’m afraid of not being able to afford to go to the dentist. I’ve graduated college but am still looking for that full time job with benefits I’ve heard rumors about existing. So this begs the questions: How do you rank your teeth? Perfect straight and white? False? Somewhere in between? Do you go to the dentist? How do you do health and dental hygiene things? What is your insurance situation?

My teeth are cool. I never had braces. I didn’t have a cavity until I was in my mid 30’s. I got lucky. Admittedly, I don’t go to the dentist very often. I went maybe 3 years ago. My health insurance doesn’t cover it so I’d probably only go if I felt I had an issue. As far as I can tell, I’m all good right now. I try and take care of my teeth and my history of healthy teeth definitely gives me some comfort.
Outside of that, I do have health insurance that I pay way too much money for. My doctor is kind of a shit head (he gave my antibiotics for something that was clearly an allergy related sickness) but , on the bright side, he’s very available and , anytime I feel sick or hurt myself, I can walk over to the office five blocks away and get checked up on relatively fast. So that’s nice.

Have you checked out: ‘Fuck, That’s Delicious?’. How do you feel about a rapper commentating about food? I love many if these episodes, but I work in the food industry. How does the other-side of the coin feel about these cross-overs? I know you’ve been asked foodie questions before, but I would like your insight.
I have and I love it. Bronson is a hilarious and entertaining dude. I can’t imagine any rap people taking issue with him doing that show. I mean, the dude was a cook. That alone makes it perfectly logical. To me, it’s no different than Anthony Bourdain or Andrew Zimmern. I love those kinda shows so, to me, it was a no brainer. I think they should give more rappers food related shows. Like take some closed minded (food wise) rapper who only eats fast food and make him eat some high end cuisine. That would be awesome.

What’s your favorite time of day?

Depends on the day. I’m somewhat of a night owl but I’m also not someone who does much at night. I basically loaf around. But, to me , my favorite part of a day would be when I play basketball or eat a good meal. in general though, I don’t get too specific with that kinda thing. It should also be noted that my days can easily just kinda blend together. I don’t do much some days so the difference between 11 am and 6 pm in minimal.

Answers for Questions vol. 234

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Hi there everyone! Welcome to another edition of Answers for Questions. I just wanna say thanks to all the people who came out to see me this last weekend in Atl, Louisville and Asheville. NExt weekend is Toronto and Montreal! Check http://blockheadmusic.com/ for more info and for other shows I have coming up.
Anyway, this is that thing where you ask me shit and I answer. If you wanna join the ride, go nuts. Either leave questions in the comment section below or email them to me directly at phatfriendblog@gmail.com . I accept all questions but I really like when they’re creative and/or weird.
Let’s see what we got this week.

Why do you think people* refer to grown women as “girls” but we don’t refer to grown men as “boys?” *Myself included, but I gotta stop because it’s kinda bullshit.

I refer to grown men as boys all the time. As in, “my boys”. I also hear girls refer to grown men as “boys” all the time. I think calling women “girls” has to do with familiarity, age and situation. Like, If I’m at a bar and I see a crew of ladies, I might refer to them like “Hey, look at those girls”. But, If I’m at an old folks home, and see a group of ladies, I’d probably call them women. To me, it’s very age specific. Like if you’re much older than me, you’re a “woman”. But the same applies to males. I can’t think of a time I’ve been like “Look at all those men over there!” I’d sooner call them “”Guys” or “Dudes”.
I dunno…I really don’t think there is much depth behind this kind of thing and getting wrapped up in it is not really worth your time. It’s semantics but, if you want to make it something heavier, I suppose you can. Save the vitriol for when dudes only call women bitches. At least that is outwardly negative.

Have you ever used the following slang once upon a time?

– All that and a bag of chips.
– Just joshin’ you!
– This sucks the bag.

Never ever ever in my life have I said any of those phrases. Not even in jest. They could not be further outside my lexicon. That’s some 1991 Degrassi high shit right there.
“This sucks the bag” is one I’ve never even heard of…and I was happy not knowing that people say that shit. It must b from the same people who bought us “weak sauce” , which is the fucking worst slang ever.

The song Hack that you did with Billy Woods, what’s the story with the audio sample at the end of the song? Sounds like it’s from some fucked up MTA training video. Please explain.

It’s actually from one of those “Taxicab confessions” episodes from HBO. Woods found it. It’s a paramedic describing what happens when someone gets caught between a traincar and the platform. It’s fucking brutal.

Have you seen whiplash yet? If so what are your thoughts?

Have you ever cried during a movie? (unrelated questions of course)

I have and I loved it. I went in thinking it was gonna be some cornball musical type thing but, man, was I wrong. It’s excellent. I’ve actually seen it twice.
As for crying during a movie…not really. I’m a fairly robotic person emotionally so that kinda thing has been scarce in my life in general. That said, I’ve welled up a few times. Both times it happened in an fairly emotional time in my life. Sometime around the time my dad passed away when I was 20.
One time was watching the movie “Ice Storm”. There’s a scene at the end where Kevin Kline has an emotional breakdown in the car in front of his kids and, for some reason , that got me. Like I said, it was very time specific but there is something about watching a grown man lose his shit that effects me.
The other time was super random. I was at home alone watching the movie “Parenthood”, which I had seen probably 25 times and , for some weird reason, I got a little choked up during the scene where all the babies were being born. It was more on some tears of joy shit but I really have no idea what that was about.

Do you care if the water you’re drinking is cold or are you totally fine with room temperature?

As long as it doesn’t taste shitty, I’m cool with it. I’d prefer it to be colder but I’ll take it however. In general, I’m not a picky guy with things like that. My preferences are just that. It’s rather have it one way but I’ll live if it’s not perfect. After all, it’s just some fucking water.

Have you ever dyed your hair? Like, when you were in your preteens/teens…
HAHAHA…no. Not even close. My first girlfriend was a punk rock girl with Green hair but I’ve always been conservative with that kinda thing. No dyed hair, no pierces, no tattoos. I leave my body be. I’m never one to be “extra” about anything like that.

Has someone at a show really told you how little they like your blog?!

Not specifically. The closest I’ve gotten was “yeah…i’ve read your blog…it’s…interesting” You can usually tell when someone is not into it. I’d like to think that a person at one of my shows, regardless of how they feel about this blog, would have the decency to let it slide. While this blog is not for everyone, it’s also not serious and should never be taken as such.