Answers for Questions vol. 195

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Good day everyone. Welcome to another edition of “Answers for Questions”. You ask it, i answer it. It’s the least complicated concept on earth. If you’d like to join the fun, feel free to send me questions. Either email them to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comments section below. As always, keep it interesting. These answers are only as good as your questions.
Anyway, let’s see what’s popping this week…

Was it surprising that Aesop wanted to produce Skelethon primarily by himself? Considering you two have worked together so heavily on his other albums.
And do you think you two will work together on future projects, even if it’s not as much as, say, Labor Days?

Aesop has always made beats. I feel like a lot of people don’t realize he produced almost half of both Float and Labor Days and most of Appleseed. He’s been doing it as long as I have. Prior to Skelethon, he had been really digging into beat making more than ever. He did the whole Felt 3 album and that Nike Running thing was in a zone with making beats. So, when it came time to do that album, i wasn’t surprised at all that he opted to do it all himself. On top of him just really embracing the production side of things more than ever, he also lives like 3000 miles away from me and understandably didn’t wanna make an album over email. We did some of that with “None Shall Pass” and , while that stuff came out awesome, I fully get the concept of actually working together in the same room being a crucial creative element.
As for future stuff, I dunno. I’d hope we do but you never know. I stay doing remixes for him and we did a song together last year that’s supposed to come out somewhere at some point but, beyond that, I suppose it’s a matter timing and what projects he decides to work on in the future.

Which Roger Hargreaves character would you be for the Mr. Men book series? (you can make it up, doesn’t have to already exist)
mrworry contra

I used to loooooove these books. In fact, it’s safe to say, my enjoyment of reading peaked with these.
It’s hard to limit myself to just one of these guys. I mean, I’m a mix of so many of them. I’d say I land somewhere between Mr. Rush, Mr. Happy and Mr Lazy.
I’ll tell you who I’m not…Mr Tickle. Cause that creep is like a walking court case waiting to happen. Don’t ever bring your kids around Mr. Tickle.

Hey block, I’ve been listening to your podcast and I think you n po are doing an awesome job, very entertaining stuff. But let me turn the tables here, I’d like to ask you what podcasts you got in the rotation? and also if you had the chance to be a guest on the podcast of your choice, which would it be? I know this may sound an awful lot like someone asking what albums you been bumping or favorite song or some shit, but trust me its nothing like that. cheerz!

I listen to a decent amount of Podcasts. The ones I bump on the regular are “The Champs”, “Call chelsea Peretti”, “Comedy Bang Bang”, WTF, “Uhh yeah dude”, Bill burr’s “Monday morning Podcast”, “Desus Vs. Mero” and “Who Charted?”. Other I listen to , depending on the guest, are “Shots Fired”, Jay Mohr, Joe Rogan, “Fitzdog Radio”, “Kinda Neat”, “Who did this get made?”, and “Combat Jack.
Of the ones I’d like to go on? I mean, I feel like The Champs and WTF would be the most fun for me. I’ve done Shots fired and Kinda neat and they were both awesome to be on. But being on a non-music based one would be interesting.

So I wear sunglasses on the subway sometimes. The reason being is that sometimes I get migraines (with aura) so if I feel one coming on or if one has already started, those glasses help. I know I probably look like an asshole, and I’m totally fine with that, but how much of an asshole do you think I appear to be?

Anyone who wears sunglasses indoors looks like an asshole. I understand you have your reason and that’s perfectly acceptable BUT, it doesn’t change the fact that you look like a dickhead. It’s like the L.A. dude who wears a wool hat in 90 degree weather. Maybe he has a really cold head all year around? But, even if he does, he looks like a dipshit.
That said, you can do whatever you want. Don’t like societies rules of proper sunglass conduct hold you back from stopping your migraines. Seriously, if it makes you feel better than fuck what people (and me) think. Besides, you don’t know us and you don’t owe us anything.
And, who knows, I’d venture to bet there are a few people who see it and think “Whoa…that dude must be a bad ass…he’s got sunglasses on…IN DOORS!”. It’s basically the adult version of a little kid wearing a leather jacket that reads “bad to the bone” on the back.

What do you admire about your mom?

My mom is awesome. It’s hard to pick specific things about her that I admire cause she’s a pretty all around person. She’s smart, open minded, reasonable and patient. She’s fair and also can cook really well when she feels like it. Also, she made me, which was really awesome of her to do.

Sex questions Speed round:
Is there anything that women get to do that men usually can’t do which makes you envious? (dig deep – I’ll be disappointed if the only answer you can come up with is: they can have sex whenever they want).

Give birth! just kidding. That sounds like the worst. Hmm…I actually am not envious of women from a sexual angle at all cause, well, they gotta deal with men. That’s must be a nightmare. As men, we just have to stick our dick in things, move it around and that gets the job done. It’s so much more complicated and mental for women. I want no part of that. I’m sure the payoff is better (Judging from male and female orgasms, it’s not even close) but, still…sex is something I’d like to simplify, not make more confusing.
So, umm…envious…hmm…This is tough. I feel like the answer here is to be able to feel a certain level of emotional bond with another person but, i dunno…I’m not envious of that at all either. I like being a soulless robot.
I’m sure there are a bunch of things I’m just obviously overlooking but, I gotta say, I’m stumped. It should also be noted, I’m not a particularly envious person by nature.
So, My answer is gonna be to have better flexibility and higher pain threshold. Seems like a cop out but it’s the only thing I can come up with that makes any sense.

Are you a fan of squirting? Referring to both watching it in porn and in life.
In real life, it’s cool. It’s definitely not something you wanna deal with every day. I mean, who does that much laundry? But, when it happens, it definitely feels like you’ve accomplished something.
In porn, i don’t really get into it. Partially cause it’s fake 99% of the time and partially cause the excitement of making a girl squirt is that YOU make that girl squirt. I don’t give a shit about seeing some other dude make it happen.

Have you ever noticed an errant nipple hair while touching a woman’s boobs?
Once or twice. I’ve never been faced with a hairy titted lady though. Just , like, one little hair here and there. It’s no big deal.

I think that the most common general fantasy that women have while masturbating is unrestricted sluttiness and variations on that theme. There will never be a concrete answer for this obviously, but what do you think women tend to masturbate about?

I’ve spoken to many different women at length about this cause I find it fascinating. So, off the bat, there is no general answer to this. The only thing I have gathered is that women have much better imaginations than man AND a lot of their fantasies are based in very specific situations. The attention to detail is crazy. Like , i know a girl who told me she masturbated to a look a guy gave her. Meaning, she’ was flicking her bean to a look that, in her fantasy, lead to a conversation. She said they didn’t even have sex in her mind. It was about the build up. As a dude, do you know how crazy that sounds? But, then again, on the other side of things, I’ve spoken to girls who will just be like “Yeah, i just imagine this guy I like fucking me in a nice place”. So, yeah…I’d say you guys are all over the map. Meanwhile, dudes just scroll through porn videos with their dicks in their hands looking for that one thing that makes them say “eh…i can finish to this…”.
Humans are beautiful creatures.

Answers for Questions vol. 194

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Sup brah? Oh, hey girl?
How was your weekend of independence? I hope it was free.
Welcome to another edition of “Answers for questions”. You ask, I answer. As always, I’d love you to participate. In fact, not only that, but do so in an original and strange fashion. Send me questions to phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comment section below. I accept everything.

On the last Rogglecast you guys bemoaned the sense of entitlement that you inferred from Kickstarter projects. To paraphrase you said something like “back in the old days you worked for your art and suffered to put yourself out there”.

Interestingly, an artist I’m a fan of has gone one step further back beyond “the old days” and is doing some strange Romanesque artistic patronage strategy. He proposed a limited run of $50 in advance for all of the material that he would release in a calendar year, plus some other bonuses, just so that he might have some financial stability up front.

I just wondered what you thought of that? Is it the same as Kickstarter, or more noble, or more pretentious, or just weird? Does it compromise the “artistic struggle”?

Sounds like a Kickstarter off-shoot to me. It’s still an artist asking others to fund his own art. It’s especially strange cause , and I could be mistaken here, he sounds like he’s doing fine art. Painting or sculpture. That type of art is so much more subjective, I can’t imagine just blindly giving that dude money to see what he comes up with. At least with film or music you have some basis on whether or not the product will be to your liking. That basis being “i like this guys last album” or “The movie stars so and so, who I’m a fan of”. With this, he could take that $50 bucks and make art out of baby blood and used tampons. Who fucking knows?
But yeah, it’s the same concept as kickstarter to me. Art existed fine before kickstarter. Broke people made due with what they had and still created. The addition of begging strangers for hand outs is very “un- artistic” to me. That said, if anyone ever feels like sending me money for anything, I’ll take it cause money is awesome.

What was your take on grunge while it was happening/in retrospect?

During that era, I was as deeply immersed in rap as a human possibly could be. I’d say that was my most , over the top, purist stage ever. So, pretty much nothing else was getting in to my musical interests that didn’t contain a rapper and a beat.
I clearly Kurt Cobain dying and not caring an iota. I went to school that day and a few kids were really broken up about it. I literally gave it a passing thought of “oh, whelp, that happened…” and that was it. I didn’t even think about it again.
When the rap/rock album “Judgement night” soundtrack dropped (not grunge but, to me, it shared the same space), I hated it deeply (accept the de la/ teenage fanclub song, which i thought was okay, at the time). The whole idea of the album was a failure to me. Like oil and vinegar. I stand by that to this day though. That album fucking sucked.
Looking back, i still don’t like any of that genre. It just wasn’t for me. Grunge , in particular, seemed rooted in angst and that simply wasn’t a quality I had or supported back then. I always related grunge and music like it with being very suburban. Like “hanging out behind the 7-11 drinking beers and smoking cigarettes on a weekend night” type of music. To be fair, I just never really got into most rock music in general. Especially stuff post 1980.
So, to answer the question, I didn’t give a fuck about at all back then and I still pretty much don’t give a fuck about it now. 90’s rock , in general, is some of my least favorite “current” music ever. Better than Reggaeton, but still pretty bad, in my opinion.

It’s become apparent that I’m a good writer who is terrible at speaking, born of little talking and tremendous reading. I doubt that will change in the future as this summer I’ll probably be spending more time alone than ever. On top of being bad at articulating my points, I lack the momentum to get all of whatever I can do out there without the conversation moving on 12 times and I begin to feel like the asshole trying to bring it back to what I really wanted to mention but can’t.

My teachers agree I’m one of the more well-read high school students they’ve met, and I’ve moved beyond the fear of coming off as self-righteous when I say that I actually have things to say, and there’s a fear of not being able to say what’s mine to say, as Updike put it.

In fact I’ve recently found myself suppressing urges to tell people things just because I know it won’t come out like I hope it will, which develops issues when my boyfriend’s involved and sharing information becomes kind of relevant. The best I can hope for is to ramble long enough that he gets some idea of what I mean without falling into some pitfall of words that only gives me more to explain than before.

So obviously, I think to myself, “What would the guy from Dour Candy do?”

This was originally gonna be in “Ask Dr. Tony” but I opted to drop it here.
First off, I’m not sure what the question is here. Are you asking how you can become someone who can express thoughts better verbally? It would appear your writing is as confusing as you describe your social interactions to be. If that is your question, I have no idea. We all have different ways of functioning socially. Some are quick witted in person but can’t spell. Others are more internal and socially awkward. You sound like the latter. I suppose the best you can do is just get more comfortable with the idea of speaking socially. You have a boyfriend…talk to his dumb ass. Maybe try and slow down your mind when speaking to people. Simplify your train of thought. Easier said than, done, I’m sure but, hey , this honestly seems like a problem for a real professional to help you with. Not a guy who made the beats on “Dour Candy”.
I’d also add that just cause you’ve read a ton of books, that doesn’t immediately translate into you being a smarter person. That just means you’ve read a lot of books. I know plenty of complete idiots who are extremely well read. If you love reading and get something out of it, that’s cool. You’re lucky to have a passion like that. Just don’t think that one thing automatically makes you better at anything. I’d advise heavily against becoming one of those people who quotes writers all the time in conversation cause , not only does it come off as smug and pretentious, but ain’t nobody got time for that shit. Save it for a book club.

What is something you enjoy doing that most other people don’t enjoy doing? (besides laundry, that’s too easy of an answer)

I find Sacrificing virgins to be reflective and calming. Just kidding.
I like stats. I like keeping track of them and even doing the math involved to keep tabs on them. When I was much younger, I used to play nintendo baseball and keep detailed stats of all my players. This was before they did it for you. I’d play entire seasons with them. To this day, I strangely enjoy it. It’s funny cause I’m not particularly good at math and, in general, the things I might keep stats on are totally pointless. I think I just enjoy seeing how things accumulate and how the laws of averages generally function.

do you fold the shit tickets or bundle them up before use? I was trying really hard here.

I do a little of both. The ass wiping curiosity out there is fascinating. This must be how girls feel when dudes ask them about dick size all the time.

Hey Blockhead,
I noticed that in a lot of the pictures of you from the early 2000’s you are wearing a beret. Have you since ditched this accessory or do you still rock it occasionally? Can you defend the wearing of a beret? I will say that you looked good in it, which is odd, because most dudes just look like a fricken’ flamer with it on.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA…a beret? I’ve never worn a beret in my life. I think you’re referring to the cabbie hat/newsie I used to wear in all my press photos. This one:
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To be clear, this is a beret:
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I can see how you might be confused but, trust me, they are wildly different styles of hats. As for that hat, I still have it but I wear it very rarely. I wore it back then cause I was not wearing baseball hats much at that time and I wasn’t wearing kangols. It just felt like a nice middle area for me. It’s a dope hat though. True story: Aesop gave it to me in college.

Pick a website:

a) OMG facts
b) Cracked
c) College Humor
d) none of the above

I don’t frequent any of these sites but I also don’t have a problem with any of them. I’d say, of the three, the one I find myself on the most is College humor. Usually cause people on facebook will post links of it. I honestly didn’t even know OMG facts was a website. I thought it was simply a twitter feed…and I prefer UBERfacts to that anyway.

Answers For Questions volume 193

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Whattup everyone? Welcome to another edition of “Answers for questions”. Steadily creeping up on Volume 200, which is when I’m spontaneously combust and that will be that. Looking forward to it.
Anyway, if you’d like to join the fun, I’m always accepting new questions. Send them to me! Either email them to Phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comments below. The stranger, the better. At this point, we’ve pretty much covered everything else.
So, let’s get into this weeks crop.

If you could be any inanimate object what would you be? I’d like to be a lamp

The corny answer here would be something like “Emily Ratajakowski’s Vibrator” but I’mma go high brow on this and say the presidents desk in the oval office. imagine all the things I would see and hear! It would be insane. Just kidding, I’d still wanna be that vibrator.

at what point, if any, did you start to experience your *fame*..? and feel that you were making an impact on the vast diaspora of music?

I can’t say I’ve ever experienced it that much cause it’s not really a thing. The most I’ll see it is at my own shows but, in real life? Not so much. Outside of the occasional person stopping me on the street (that happens maybe twice a year ,tops) and the even less frequent free dish at a restaurant (cause someone who works there recognizes me) I’m pretty much completely under the radar. Which is awesome. I would hate to have my life style hindered due to people bothering me every time I was in public.
So, no, I’ve never felt like I was making much of an impact on the vast diaspora of music. The only time I’ll even notice I may have had any sort of influence is when I do my demo reviews. Even then, it’s rare.

What are the 3 grossest things you remember seeing on the ground within the ny subway system? PS: what do new yorkers call the subway – the train?

To answer your PS, it’s cause they are literally trains. The “Subway” is what the trains travel through. You don’t ride the subway, you ride the train. But you go to the subway to catch a train. at least, that’s how I’ve always understood it. It’s like the difference between an airport and a plane.
Hmm…let’s see.
1) A guy shitting in a 3/4 full car. The craziest thing was, it was between stops and , instead of leaving the car to go to the next one, people just formed an invisible circle. People were gagging though and the second the the train stopped the entire car emptied out. Dude literally pulled his pants down and shat on one of the corner seats. Easily the grossest thing i’ve ever seen on the train.
2)A dude jerking off.
Every story I have ever heard of guys jerking off on trains has involved the Queens bound F train. No clue why that train is such a hub of unwanted erotic activity but, for some reason, it is. One day, I was going to work (I was about 19 and I worked deep in queens off the last stop off the F train). It was like 7:30 in the morning. This fucking creep was wearing sweat pants and straight jerking his shit to a few catholic school girls. His dick wasn’t out but he wasn’t being at all subtle. In general, seeing a dude on a queens bound F train in sweatpants is a good sign to move.
3) Various disgusting homeless people.
There is no one particular one I can point to but I’ve seen so many unfortunate souls on the train with growths, open wounds and, worst of all, unfathomable smells. It’s fucked up but few things on earth smell worse than an obese homeless woman on the train in the summer. It’s really a testament to how bad a person can smell if gone unchecked. Like, and my apologies to everyone reading this, you can smell their rotting vaginas from like 40 feet away. That is the only smell worse than summer bum feet. Which is only slightly worse than human shit.

Do you ever ‘partymix’ when listening to podcasts? TO PARTYMIX, is this really lame term I just came up with bc can’t think of anything better, but what I mean is playing a random show/movie on mute while listening to an episode of whatever. Some of the best stuff online these days is within podcasts, but I’m SUCH a visual learner and prefer to stare at something consistent so I don’t zone out. For example, I find the ROGGLECAST is best paired with a muted episode of “Ready or Not” “Fresh Prince” or “Who’s the Boss.” So, doyoudothat?

Nope. I’d maybe do that if i was watching a sporting event but I’d much sooner just play a podcast while I’m perusing the internet. TV time is TV time for me.

If you were “that guy” and for some reason insisted upon naming your firstborn after a spice, which spice would be most acceptable to you as a person’s name? Saffron, Parsley, Ginger, Dill, Paprika, Clove, Thyme.

Ginger is a real name so I guess that wins…even though, it’s kind of a stripper name.
I actually think Thyme or Saffron would work but all these names are distinctly feminine to me. I guess men can’t really be named after spices.

really serious question tho, would you rather bang skyler from breaking bad with the head of skinny p in the back of a nice sports car or would you rather bang a loose scarlett johannson with the head of bill clinton in the confines of your place?

regardless, nobody would ever have to know about either of these. you have a third option of neither, however if you chose not to, then you have to live in the same apartment for the rest of your life and you can’t fix anything. meaning that if you get a slow leak, you have to deal with that shit forever until you die. if your paint peels, or you break the sheetrock, then you gotta just deal like the strong willed man you are. also there is a non harmful spider in a dark corner of your house that can’t be killed, doesnt harm you, but in general sucks to have around. basically like a real life hologram wolf spider. if you do follow through with it, you are exempt and rewarded with a $25 walmart gift card.

The easy answer would be the scarlet johannson/Bill clinton mash up , simply cause johansson has a dope body and I could just hit it from the back. Also, being in my own place would be a plus. The “Neither” option is intriguing as well cause, well, I basically live like that already. The only reason anything gets fixed or upgraded in my apartment is cause of my girlfriend. Before she moved in, outside of replacing lightbulbs and having a terrifying spider, I was living that life already. That said, my house is prone to problems and I don’t think i could live here the rest of my life without fixing it. The black mold alone would kill me. Oh well, Scarlet Clinton it is.

Answers for questions vol. 192

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Hello everyone…Time , once again, for another mystical and magical trip through my inner minds eye hole AKA Answers for Questions. That thing where you guys ask me anything on your godforsaken minds and I answer it. If you’d like to join the fun, send me questions! Either leave them in the comment section below or email them to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com. Both those methods have been proven successful. So, yeah…do that.
Anyway, here is this weeks batch.

I think that people who are in crowded public places or who go jogging outside with their headphones on are absolutely bananas. How could they not realize that you could be snuck up on at any time! Is that weird?

That is weird. I think you may have trust and social anxiety issues. I’m a person who often had headphones when I walk around. Crowds or not. As long as you’re being aware of your surroundings it’s a non-factor.
I love walking home drunk, late at night, just listening to my ipod. Talk about being a sitting duck but, still, I’ve come out okay so I’mma keep doing it.

If you needed to churn out a creative FMK question for a guy friend of yours, what would you come up with? Give a girl option and an inanimate option svp s’il vous plait.
Hmm…
Girl option: A hot nun, a mediocre looking college student or busted prostitute who is a sexual dynamo
Inanimate option: Farts, burps, or sneezes

Hey Block, Question: How do you feel about the word “faggot” in rap? It seems like the cultural shift is making it less common on albums now, conscious rappers like KRS never used it, rappers like El-P used it in the CoFlow days but grew out of it, Eminem has always used it but offensive is kind of his game, having gay friends and being a pretty conscious guy I would never use it in daily life, but I give most rappers a pass because I like the music, basically I prefer not to hear it but it’s not a deal breaker for me (except with Immortal Technique I think it’s kinda hypocritical because he’s all about injustices to minorities, so no pass) I know rap fans where the word ruins songs/artists for them…So does it bother you on any level?

It doesn’t bother me in the slightest. I don’t tend to be a fan of word policing on any level and , more than anything, I’m simply not easily offended. I also come from an era where it was common place so it’s not exactly shocking to me.
I fully understand why some words are offensive to people and why a word like “faggot” would really upset certain people. It’s a harsh word with a history to it. That said, it’s also a word that means different things in 2014 depending on the context. Brand Nubian using it when describing how they hate gay people is much different than , say, El-P using it simply as a word of insult.
I was listening to the WTF podcast the other day and Marc Maron had Rupaul on as a guest. It’s a great episode, btw. Anyway, the discussion of hate words came up and Maron asked Rupaul how he feels about words like “faggot” and Rupaul was like “Oh, I don’t give a shit. I say it all the time” then he went on to make the point that those words only have power if you give them power and ,If someone calls you a “faggot”, and you let it hurt your feelings, that’s as much on you as it is them. I’m paraphrasing in a major way here, but that was his basic point. It was honestly the first time I had ever heard a famous gay person take that stance and I found it pretty refreshing. I’m sure others don’t agree with that take and I fully respect that but , still, it’s nice to hear people who simply aren’t that bothered by aimless words, no matter how cruel their history may be.
So, yeah, it doesn’t bother me. But, then again, I probably would’t be bothered if a random rapper said “Blockhead is a terrible person” on a record cause, if he didn’t know me, what do I care? I just don’t get bothered by that kinda stuff in general.

So what do you think when people use shortened twisted versions of words on the web? I know it’s nothing new but it’s annoying when I hear it a lot. Like when I think Kanye West used “cray” now it’s kind of a word?wtf. I guess it wouldn’t bother me too much, but now I see RJD2 using “Yung” on the internet. Is it just ironic now? Mebbe it’s just those two words and goddamn “bae” for baby that are most annoying. I’ve even felt the urge to spell things differently myself…? What the hell? Do you find yourself about to change your vocab to stay with the awesome trends?

I’m pretty sure a lot of those words have swung around to the “irony” category by now.At least with adults. RJ using “Yung” ,for sure, is an example of that.
I am not that bothered by people using those words online. I get that , not only are they in vogue but it’s also just short cuts to typing less words. In the twitter/texting age, people seem to be doing that kinda shit regardless of if they have a character limit. That said, when they start actually vocalizing those words,I think those people are kinda ridiculous. It’s definitely more acceptable for women to do it, cause it’s kinda cutesy (still, corny though but ladies seem to get graded on a curve when it comes to things like that), but for dudes? unacceptable. I don’t ever wanna here some guy say the word “Perf” to me. Or, even worse, say “O.M.G.” out of his mouth.
If you’re a man and you say that out loud, you should be ashamed of yourself. Hell, your parents should be ashamed of themselves too cause they created you.

Last Wednesday I “climbed” a tree by trying to jump and grab a branch with one hand. Unfortunately I underestimated the momentum and i swung forward. I felt the crust crumbling under my left hand as my body was almost horizontal. I lost my grip and fell right on my ass. Apart from the shock there was no significant initial pain but the next day i could hardly walk from the pain in the western hemisphere of my ass. It’s been a week now and since I have got a lot of hair back there and no girlfriend it is hard to find volunteers to massage it.

Needless to say I did not see the doctor yet, as I am one of these guys (like all men are) who goes to see a doctor when it is too late. Meaning my ass will be amputated along with the portrait of my mother.

I considered shaving my ass so people would not be disgusted by the imagination to massage this shit out of my ass (Pun level 3000) but this is like some Yoga-advanced shit my stiff body is not capable of. So again I would need help to do that.

You see, I am kind of trapped in this vicious cycle of hairiness and lack of self-reliance.

Please help me Blockhead!

Umm…shave your ass. Or don’t. More importantly, stop living out you jungle book ass life fantasies and stop climbing trees. What are you, seven years old? you got a tree house, guy?
Trust be told, I doubt anyone is gonna wanna massage your ass no matter what it looks like. But I have good news! There are people who do that for a living and accept money in exchange for those services. Find one and pay them and your ass can look like captain caveman’s and no one will say shit to you. And, who knows, if it’s the right type of massage spot, you could possibly get a $20 hand job out of it as well.

How come there’s often shitty sound quality at the majority of shows, small or big? That’s so weird to me because it seems like it be the 1# priority to take care of when you’re a venue that hosts live music, but I also realize there must be factors involved that I’m not aware of. I’d say that roughly 35% of shows that I’ve been to have had good sound quality, and I’m not even that picky bout it. Why do you think that is?

There are many factors to this. Possible reasons include
1)Shitty sound guys who don’t care
2)Artist who control their own sound and think louder=better
3)the way certain rooms are set up and how the sound reverberates within that room.
4)bad speaker placement
And a bunch of other things I can’t think of now.
For me, the main issue is the loudness. I realize we live in a culture of excess and a huge part of seeing live music is feeling that music. However, it reaches a point when the music is so loud that all it’s nuances are lost. Too much low end can drown out any of the other parts of the song. Sometimes a room will have too much mids and everything will sound shrill. Simply turning things down a little will often help those issues but everyone feels the need to be the loudest.
I’m not one of these “Silent disco” types but I do think it’s a good idea, where sound quality is concerned. Giving people control of their own music volume is a good idea. I’d be willing to bet those people actually listen to the music at a sane level and still enjoy it just as much.
I’d also like to add that, as performers, this loud ass shit is fucking us up. It’s gonna be scary how many famous dj’s are going to be deaf in like 20 years. We’ll be the music equivalent to football players and concussions.

Do you feel weird when you realize that you were once a person who used to chew on their own feet and love it? {because you were once a baby and ALL (most) babies put their feet in their mouths}?

It’s funny you bring this up cause I think about that all the time! Just kidding. I’ve never once given that an even passing thought. So, no, I don’t feel weird about it at all. Furthermore, baby feet are adorable and , generally, pretty clean. I’d put a baby foot in my mouth right now, bro! Also, when you think of all the crazy shit babies put in their mouth (IE: Everything they come across) Feet are actually pretty sanitary by comparison. I can only hope that, when I was a baby, I went hard of the feet chewing. It’s really the only time in life that’s okay.

Answers for questions vol. 191

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What up world,
Summer is knocking on the door down which means my allergies are coming out to play as well. Nothing like a teary eyed, snot filled nose in hot humid weather to really get your mind in a good place.
Welcome to another edition of “answers for questions”. You ask, I answer. Nothing is off limits (unless it’s too personal but that’s rare). If you’d like to become a part of the magic, send me your questions! Either email them to me phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comment section below. Go nuts.
This weeks batch of questions are actually a great example of the variety and quality of question I look for. They’re all great so thanks to all those who contributed. Use this weeks selection as a guide, even. It’s great.

Alright Block, here’s a question…do vegans sit on leather couches?

Sure they do. They also wear leather shoes/jackets and tons of other things that conflict with their ideals. Obviously not all of them. But some of them? For sure. Thing is, i don’t have an issue with vegans, in the sense that they are adults and entitled to make their own choices. What they eat doesn’t effect me or my life. It’s only a problem when they’re the preachy kind who will talk your ear off while you’re eating a burger or a fucking piece of cheese. Those kind of vegans can go fuck themselves, on a leather couch with a dildo made of animal byproducts.

I’m not a fan of Deadmau5, or that genre in general, but I really liked this open letter he wrote calling out DJ/producers for exaggerating what they do on stage. The real art takes place in the composing of the songs, and not just triggering on stage. I thought the new SNL skit was pretty spot on (and hilarious) as well. What are your thoughts on the subject? http://deadmau5.tumblr.com/post/25690507284/we-all-hit-play

That was excellent and 100% on point.
In fact, my upcoming albums title, “Bells and whistles” is somewhat related to this. I’ve been touring for years and I always keep it simple. My computer, a trigger pad and , if possible, some visuals. Cause what I do live is literally triggering samples. Granted there are hundreds of samples in my sets but I work within a frame work that ensures the set stays on time and moves along properly. Over the years, I’ve toured with lots of people, opened for lots of people and had lots of openers of my own. One thing that has been consistent is seeing people who bring way too much shit on stage. ESPECIALLY openers. I get it more with established acts or people who actually play instruments but the amount of acts I’ve seen setting up for their 9 pm set ,that begins as the doors openm with like 5 trigger pads, synths they barely use and weird little electronic gadgets that I’m fairly certain don’t even really do anything, is astounding. It’s all, well, bells and whistles. If you’re an opening act, you should have a set up that requires no soundcheck is needed, not an extra power strip and two more tables.
As someone who has come up before electronic music was what it is today, the whole thing has always befuddled me, from a “live music” perspective. I’ll be the first to admit, my live show is not best “watched”. You come see me play and just watch me intently all night, you will be bored cause I’m just pressing buttons. I’ll never understand those people who come to the front row just to stare at me. It’s actually kinda creepy. My live shows are more for people to dance to, check out some visuals or just just vibe out to the music itself. If you like my music, you’ll be into it. The music itself is at the forefront. Not the performance. I think EDM artists (though I definitively do not consider my self one of those) are all about over compensation cause it’s not a natural thing to perform. They (we) are creatures of the studio. We’re more performing on a “DJ” level than a rock band level and sooner we just accept that, the better. Trying to make it something it’s not with all this extra , pointless theatrics makes sense but it’s also complete bullshit that, when stripped down, is usually just a dude on his computer.
I’m glad the music has reached a point where this kind of performance is acceptable and people come out and see us. Hell, it’s literally how most of us make our living. But, personally, I will never be that overhyped dude acting like me pushing that button is some skill set. I’m more focused on making sure I push the right button, to be honest.

When you read the following acronym – ATM – what’s the first term that pops into your mind? “At the moment” or “ass-to-mouth” or “Automated Teller Machine?”

The first thing I think of is the money machine. Then ass to mouth. “At the moment” has never popped in my head ever when hearing those three letters.
In general, when I say the sentence “I need to find an ATM” I’m obviously referring to those walk up prostitutes booths most corner stores have where you dip your penis in their butt, then in their mouth and they give you 80 bucks. No receipt though, thanks, I’m good.

block

you said in a demo review a while ago something like ‘these samples gel almost too well; if they’re all taken from the same track it’s kinda creatively bankrupt.’

what about same album or same artist etc? i recognize that it takes a lot more time and dedication and is more impressive, but is the crate-digger, hunt-and-gather process essential to the integrity of sample-based music?

I mean, people can do whatever they want. There are plenty of great beats out there made out of different parts of songs. I think it’s lazy , from a creative stand point, but it’s not against the rules. I will say that, it’s different when it’s done on a rap beat or on an instrumental beat. With rap beats, you got some leeway cause it’s background music for someones voice. But, if you’re instrumental track is just the same song cut up into 4 different parts, you didn’t really do shit but remix a song. There’s no originality in that.
As for taking multiple sample from different songs on the same album, I have no problem with that. Meshing parts from different songs, to me, is where the skill set is. Taking things that were not meant to be harmonious and making them that way is the name of the game (for me at least).

Folder or buncher, left or right hand? How exactly do you clean your poop? Also, do you see the penis as semi-flaccid or half hard?

I’m somewhere between the two. I don’t fold it so much but I also just turn it into a ball. That seems like it would lead to all sorts of wiping mistakes. You can’t be too cavalier about how you wipe. If you’re a folder and you don’t make enough layers, you could have the dreaded “poke through” where one of your fingers pokes through the paper right as you’re wiping resulting in a finger being launched right into your shitty butthole. That’s never a good look.
As for the penis question, I don’t look at it in one way. It’s a constantly changing being. Sometimes it’s semi hard, sometimes if totally limp. Other times I have full erection. I gauge my penis for what it is at that moment. Right now? comfortably limp.

If you had to encounter one

Would it be a ghost or an alien?

I feel like both have a stigma for being negative so it kinda depends where they’re coming at me from. I feel an angry/violent alien could do more damage , where as a ghost will fuck with you but they can’t actually murder you. They can make wind chimes shake and make you feel really uncomfortable but an alien could rip your head off.
At the same time, if neither of them were particularly violent or mean spirited, i’d definitively take the ghost cause I’m pretty sure we could communicate. Assuming the ghost speaks english. I bet you could learn a lot about the meaning of life from a ghost. After all, he/she was once alive and literally knows what happens after you die. It would definitely clear up all religious questions one might have. Where as an alien probably doesn’t have any clue what I’m saying which would be pretty annoying after a while. Like asking for directions in english in france.

if you had to bang

A huge ugly fat chick that smells

Or a hot tranny with boobs but still had her dong but was super hot and girly ?

That dong would be a deal breaker.
I mean, let’s be honest, my dick’s not getting hard for either of these people (though the tranny blow job might be pretty amazing, to be honest). I’m not into anal, especially with men who have tits and fucking a girl who smells legit bad (regardless of what she looks like) would be pretty difficult. Add on she’s fat and ugly, well, go fuck yourself, bro. How bout I just blow my brains out instead of both these options, deal? Deal.

Rapping Basketball players: Who’s the best?

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1994 , to many, is the greatest year of rap music of all time. Some of our most beloved classics dropped that year, often on the same day. However, not everything that came out that year was a 5 star album. If you’re old like me, you might remember “Basketball’s best kept secret”. It was an album that featured current (at that time) NBA players such as Jason Kidd, Shaq, Gary Payton and a host of others, getting their rap on. I’m proud/ashamed to say I’ve now owned this album for 20 years. Not only that, I actually listened to it (then and now). Even by “basketball players rapping” standards it’s pretty bad. I think what leapt out at me the most about it was the heavy west coast bias of the production. That probably has to do with them not wanting to use many samples but , still, it always surprised me. Another thing that jumps out is that, while 90% of the songs have a positive/mellow air to them, my man J.R. Rider came through with a straight up gangster joint. Curses beeped an everything. I bring this album up cause I recently saw a video of New York Knick Shooting guard Iman Shumpert rapping. As always, I was ready to laugh at it but, you know what, he wasn’t THAT bad. I’m not sure if this is my brain adjusting for the curve of “Rapping basketball player” or if he actually isn’t terrible. Whatever it is, it got me thinking about the history of rapping basketball players. A few have made waves beyond just random videos and mixtapes .Shaq is probably the most “successful” as , not only did he drop multiple albums, I believe one of them went gold. Allen Iverson got a lot of heat for his shit talking raps and Kobe is Kobe. So, I wanted to pose the question to you , the reader, which Basketball player/rapper is the best…OF ALL TIME! I’ll give you the options, take a listen and then vote. I realize this is kinda like voting for “favorite place to get a paper cut” but I’m curious what the consensus will be. This is actually one of the rare times on this blog where I honestly don’t know myself so I can’t exactly try and lead you to an answer. So, here are the nominees. I’m sure I will forget a few decent ones but, gimmie some slack, I’m my own research team and I’m very lazy.
Okay…

1)Shaq

2)Allen Iverson

3)J.R Rider

4)Stephen Jackson

5)Dana Barros

6)Iman Shumpert (Shump comes in at 1:55)

7)Ron Artest/Metta World Peace

8)Cedric Ceballos

9)Kobe Bryant

10)Kevin Durant

Phew. That was tiring. For me, I’d say it’s between Shumpert, Stephen jackson and Iverson…but what do you think?

Answers for questions Vol. 190

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What’s up everyone. Welcome to another edition of “Answers for questions”. You ask’em, I answer them. So very simple. Here’s the thing, you gotta send me questions though. So, either send them to my email phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comment section below. Everything is anonymous, in case you wanna get weird with it (seriously, feel free to get weird).
Let’s hop into this weeks batch…

The frequent topic of the demise of old New York has come up frequently on your blog. Various reasons and or causes have been questioned and brought up. Sex in the City, hipster types riding the wave of gentrification, the inevitable yuppies that they turn into, or the ones that have been attracted to the old neighborhoods after they have been homogenized, all have been mentioned and it got me thinking about another possible reason/cause that as a non- New York person I am curious about.

Do you think the events and aftermath of 9/11 had anything to do with it? Perhaps the desire to rebuild and re-image NYC as a safe and successful metropolis eased the path for big chains to replace the small local businesses? Maybe it was just a the right mix of people dealing with fear and uncertainty along with profiteers wanting to make a buck giving people a new shiny and safer city? Or was the process already happening before that day? If so, did it maybe accelerate things? Or did it have nothing to do with it in your opinion?

I’d say the process was already happening in 2001. A random way I can relate it is with the emergence of fast food places in Manhattan. There was always Mcdonalds in NYC. That was the one. But, prior to the very late 90’s, places like Burger King, Taco Bell and Pizza hut were scarce. They existed more often in the outer boroughs and MAYBE in midtown by Times Square but, by and large, they weren’t really that visible. I clearly recall when the first Burger King moved into my neighborhood and thinking “whoa…that’s different.”. At the time i was excited cause, well, i was like 20 and that was some great affordable food for my broke ass. Looking back, it was a sign of bad things to come.

flash forward 5 years after that and , all of a sudden, fast food spots were everywhere. To me, that’s a sign of the city changing in a bad direction. From what were once privately owned, ma and pop stores to fast food spots to lego land like fast food spots they just popped into to any empty store front they would find. Eventually, Banks and Drug stores moved in to every other vacant area as well and that was that.

Do I think 9/11 had something to do with it? Eh…I wouldn’t be shocked but I definitely don’t see it being the main culprit. The fact of the matter is, manhattan is some of the most expensive square footage on earth. It got to the point here the only people who could/can afford to start a business here are companies with endless money. So, that’s who generally gets to open businesses. Those businesses don’t even have to do well cause they’re probably tax write offs for whatever billion dollar company owns them. The Irony of all this is, post 9/11, housing prices were low cause people were scared to live here. That’s when I bought my place. It might be the only time in my life that I can say NYC was even remotely affordable (comparatively, cause, let’s be honest, it’s never been THAT affordable in my lifetime). That phase ended and the prices shot back up but, still, for that reason alone I don’t think we can really place much blame on 9/11 for making NYC a shittier place. If anything, that fear induced window might have helped a little.

When you’re outside and thirsty, do you ever catch yourself thinking “mmmm…vitamin water…..” since you’ve had your adulthood druggie getaway?

Hahaha…Just for some background, this question is referring to a thing I wrote about going to the country with a bunch of my friends and doing drugs. Turns out, Vitamin water is delicious on drugs.
Anyway, I actually haven’t craved it at all. What’s funny is that, when Vitamin water dropped, i was obsessed with it. They used to have a green tea flavor that was my shit. In fact, I’m pretty sure I thanked them in the liner notes of one of my albums (I think the first one). Scratch that, I KNOW I did cause I got like 5 free cases of that shit back in the day. Not sure what happened, but I got sick of it at some point. Too fake sugary tasting. Nowadays, I rock hard with Honest Tea. So, if those people wanna give me free crates, I’m right here waiting for you. I’ll promote you anywhere and even wear your t-shirts. I love you like that, guys.

Alex Trebek. Do you think he’d be a dick in real life? Yes or No.

Here’s the conundrum , he’s canadian. So, there’s a good chance he’s actually super nice. That said, he’s got all the symptoms of a dick. He’s a know it all who talks down to people. It would be hard for me to imagine him not being one of the more patronizing people on earth. It kinda makes sense though cause, shit, if my job was asking people hard questions that I had every answer for, I might feel a little like god.
I would like to see how well he’d fare on his own show though. Uppity Prick (or not).

You seem like a good eater, so do you think you’d be able to complete a “Bang-Bang” Louis CK styles?

I eat EXTREMELY fast. It’s something I’ve always done and , honestly, i have no control over it. I’ve tried slowing down but it’s almost a compulsive urge to alway have food in my mouth while eating. no breaks. I don’t talk much while devouring. I barely even drink fluids while eating. I don’t doubt it will all come back to haunt me via my asshole one day but, until then, let your boy cook.
As for the “bang bang” (which is when you eat two huge meals back to back), I couldn’t do it. I’m a speed guy, not a quantity guy. Also, because I eat fast, sometimes my fullness is delayed. When I’m in full beast eating mode, I’ll finish a huge meal and sit for ten minutes then be so uncomfortably full, my night is ruined. There is simply no way I could follow that with another meal. Not my lane, in terms of how I eat. But i’d say that’s a good thing.

If your building was on fire, like raging fucking inferno status, what one thing would you risk your ass to save from your apartment? (assuming your girl and your computer were already safe)
My girl and my computer would be the only things I’d risk anything for. I mean, my wallet and phone would be crucial too but losing those two things wouldn’t be the end of the world. Honestly, I don’t own a lot of shit. Losing all my cloths and my sampler would hurt but there’s no way I’d risk my life to save them. Well, maybe my favorite pair of jeans, some t-shirts and my favorite sneakers. I need those, bro. But, ultimately, I’m not in the life risking for material objects business.

Question:

What is your estimation as to the number of PhatFriend readers who have tried sticking their dicks into a grapefruit in the privacy of their own kitchens? (since your bobcat post)
Oh man, I hope someone did it. In fact, if any of you have done the grapefruit technique, I’d love to hear about it. Men or women. So, if you did, write in about it and let us know. Was it a success or did you get citrus-y pulp your peehole and ruin your life? Inquiring minds want to know.
Edit: Someone sent me this today-
Eh Block, thought I would give you some insight on the grape fruit technique. I must say I laughed my ass off when I saw that video and showed a girl that I’m hooking up with right now about it. So we tried it with an orange cause lets get real grape fruit tastes like shit. It was not a very pleasant experience. Mostly because we failed to do one thing, get it warmed up before you do that shit. And the clean up afterwards requires a shower unless your girl is a human fucking vacuum cleaner and sucks all that shit up. I wouldn’t be against trying it again but I can tell you this I won’t ever be saying “damn, I could have been fucking a grapefruit this whole time.”

Hey block/tony. Your album the music scene was playing the entire time when my house was raided back in may 2010. I know great way to start this question. Anyway I remember sitting there in handcuffs as my apartment was turned inside out and four walls comes on about twenty minutes into the search. All I could think was damn…have I ever wanted to be out of four walls more. After the ordeal I couldn’t listen to the album for a while, then eventually realized what an idiot I had been in the first place, only to come back and realize what this album meant to me. Its now one of my favorites ever and a symbol of growth and positive change in life for me. So I guess my question is, is there any music in your life that has had the same effect of symbolizing growth or just a profound “lightbulb” moment?

I can’t really say I’ve had a song change my life. For me, there are more songs that capture a time for me and cause deja vu every time I hear them. Like Sly Stone’s “Family affair” reminds me of making out with my first girlfriend cause we used to play that song all the time.

or this song my dad used to play by Duke ellington called “The Maletabo Spank” brings me back to being around my dad in his studio while he worked on art.

Things like that.
As a fairly spiritually dead person, I don’t really have those “life growth” moments. And any “lightbulb” moment I’ve had while listening to music is typically an idea for something to do musically. Like when I heard this “possibly maybe” Remix by Bjork, it made me wanna make an insanely slow , spaced out and plodding beat. The beat it inspired eventually would become “A Better Place”.