Let’s talk Tinder (Female Edition)

man on a bed

A While back, I wrote of my experiences on tinder as a newly single man. Here is that article for reference. As a man, I know that what I experience on tinder is nothing compared to what girls go through. Shit, just the other day, a girl I know sent me a screencap of her Instagram dm’s and it was literally a bouquet of dick pics sent to her by strangers. It’s crazy. So, I asked my good buddy (and Rogglecast podcast partner) Pollyne AKA po_lite to give me an idea of what it’s like to be a lady on Tinder. Not only did she do that, but she bought photographic examples. God bless her heart. So, here’s Pollyne , Talking tinder…

LET’S TALK TINDER

I can give you one word to sum up Tinder for a woman, EXHAUSTING. Honestly, even the thought of writing about it is exhausting; must be why i conveniently forgot Tony asked me to give him a female perspective on it back in the summer.
I have deleted Tinder sooooooo many fuckin times; and not in the way that you delete the phone number of an unhealthy hook up but in the way that you eventually cut off the drunk guy at the bar, who comes in every week. I download it out of boredom thinking that maybe it will be interesting and within a few weeks i am so disappointed with it that i delete it to make space on my phone for a kim kardashian game or some other worthless app. Why i keep re-downloading is more about my desire for self harm but that’s a whole other post, perhaps something to ask Dr. Tony. So, if i can reign this in enough and focus on some basic reasons why i swipe left i may yet show you what it’s like for a lady on Tinder.
First off, this app is exhausting for women because our desires are naturally more complex than most men. We see Tinder very differently than men do. Look, I’m not an idiot, I know the intent of an app that shows you 5 pictures of someone with a stoopid tagline about how much they are free-wheelin good time havin, fun honky tonk types or whatever, but there are easy pitfalls for women on Tinder. We find ourselves either looking for someone who is our physical ideal or someone who can attracts us with their dynamic personality, because let’s face it, we are also innately more physically attractive than men. This is problematic for me because if i can shop for a fuck, or for love, I’m gonna go for the good stuff.
It might happen that i could meet a few of these tinder prospects out at a bar and be more forgiving for a night or two but if im in the comfort of my own home with my sweatpants on and my fantasies intact, sober and alert, I’m not going to go for fat Brad Pitt or a bald dude in a Capt America shirt two sizes too small for his santacon bod.
But Hey, even me, on my super judgmental throne, at home, will eventually get bored of being picky and say ‘what the hell’ to a shit load of people. Honestly, depending on the mood i’m in, i could right swipe a skinny, lonely, milk-toast ,teacher, pedophile-lookin muthafucka.
So here are some pics of people i’ve denied virtually and a few I’ve humiliated via Instagram. God bless their souls.

1. Unattractive Pic
wine spill
This is obviously the most common reason to reject someone. Tony touched on this and i dont understand why it happens so often but most people put up unflattering pictures of themselves. The nuance for women is that so many things can be deemed unattractive. Like a guy who posts only pics with girls in them to convince you that women will be seen with him, clearly wasted dudes, to a guy posing on a bed like he’s crouchin on a surfbort.

2. Overtly Athletic or Muscular Guys
skiing
The idea that a dude would make me engage in some extreme sport (any sport) on a date makes me get the heebie jeebies, and if a guy looks like he can bench press me, that sends the signal to my brain that he could also easily rape me or roll over onto me in his sleep and suffocate me to death. i’m not goin out like that.

3. Manicured Show Stoppers
soulful bracelets
Any guy that looks like he might stop traffic or has been on the Sex & the City tour is not going to get a positive reaction from me. I dont like the idea that a dude i’m hooking up with might spend more time putting his ensemble together than me or know more variations of the color orange than me.

4. Serial Killer Types
shirtless
You would be surprised at how many guys don’t even care to hide the fact that they would murder you if you went out with them.

5.Cut & Paste Messages
how was you wednesday
I’ve received multiple messages that look like they were copied off of dating one-liner books with the name of the woman he sent it to before me still in there. i have also received multiple messages with insane grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. It may seem harsh to judge someone on these things but when someone is this inattentive to reeling you in imagine how lazy the will be when goin down on you.

6. Guy Who Obviously Is in a Relationship
shirtless messy bed
Of course it’s possible to hide this but there are dudes on Tinder who are so obviously on a work trip in a hotel away from some sad woman who settled for him in high school/college/or the next cubicle over.

7. Guys Lying About Their Age
old guy
This happens tooooo much on here and is soooo absurd. I dont understand people who lie about their age but it’s not jsut for women anymore. hahaha. everyone is vain self hating and pathetic these days.

8. Soulful Musicians
guitar
When TV has exhausted a stereotype then it’s gonna look pretty silly in real life when you try to pose with your guitar lookin like some Jason Mraz type bitch. May as well just put up a pic of you bartending, it’s way more attractive.

9. Guys Trying to Impress
operation
Ummm Yeah you in that classy suit, you work in a suit shop, surgeon in the middle of operating…hmm isn’t that a lawsuit waiting to happen? Fireman leaving the scene of a fire with clear PTSD…yikes

10. Sleezebuckets
redneck
Obviously guys who look like they could be on the SNL skit with Steve Martin and Dan Aykroyd who play two wild n crazy guys (look it up ignoramus) or a night at the roxbury or a mullet head redneck or skrillex lovers or pomade addicts are never going to put a woman at ease.
(pic of dude in plaid blazer and redneck mullet dude)

Putting a woman at ease; really that’s the whole trick to getting into a woman’s pants. make her feel attractive listen to what she says, make her feel comfortable, be slightly witty and if you can’t do that be really clean and you will get laid.
It’s not that difficult, and most women are not set on dying alone like me. Good luck fellas; Hang in there ladies!

jerk

Answers for Questions vol. 268

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sup brahhh?
Welcome to another edition of “Answers for Questions”. You guys ask me anything and I tell you what’s up. I can always use more questions so don’t be shy. Fire away. Email them to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comment section below. Be weird. Be creative. The time of “What inspires you?” type questions has long passed.
okay, let’s see what we got this week from you snarky bastards.

Do you have a thing for small mammals? Maybe you had one as a kid and your parents said it “ran away” while you were at school, but you were too quick for that nonsense and realized it must have died? Are you still hurting from that lie and expressing those feelings through stock photos on a mundane personal blog?

You got me. It’s actually a sexual thing. I just like small furry things in an erotic way. Sue me, bro!
Just kidding.
I simply like pictures of cute animals that aren’t cats or dogs. When I started doing this column for my blog, I decided posting a pic of a cute animal every week would lend to the continuity. In reality, I doubt I’d wanna even touch most of the animals whose pics I post (I’m allergic to lots of animals). But, in photo form? Those are my dudes. But thanks for reading so deeply into something that could not be more shallow.

So I’ve noticed that older countries tend to have (but not always) country capitals which are also their largest respective cities (Tokyo/Japan, Cairo/Egypt, Paris/France etc.) whereas newer countries tend to have capitals which are not (Canberra/Australia, Brasilia/Brasil, etc.). Anyways, how do you think NYC would be if it were also the nation’s capital? Like, if you took Washington D.C. and and almagamated it into your city?

I think it would be exactly the same. It would just be a title. It would be impossible to make NYC MORE a focal point of the USA so calling it a capital wouldn’t add or detract from that. It’s not like Albany was all of a sudden popping off cause it’s the capital of NY. It’s just a name.

If you had a son, what are the odds that his name would Kristaps Simon?
Pretty low. He would be Dominique Wilkens Simon, obviously.

I know you’ve talked before about in the past wanting to do an album that was just rappers rapping over your beats. Is that still something that interests you? Seems like you’ve got plenty of friends and associates who are great rappers to make it happen with. And if so, these days, who do you think you’d like to get on an album like that if you were to make it happen?

This is 100% something that interests me and I’m actually starting to put together a game plan to make such an album. Problem is wrangling the rappers. Obviously there are friends I’d have on it but the hard part would be reaching out of my friend zone and getting people I don’t know, who I want to work with. Because this is actually starting to happen, I don’t wanna give anything away but just know it’s in the works on some level.

would you ever go to a fan’s house or go out to eat/hang out/etc. with a fan if you had more than one day in any particular city (not talking about a girl wanting to get down)? I feel that could be horribly boring and uncomfortable or incredibly fun and you’d learn a lot about the city you’re in. Probably nothing in between. Do fans ask you that?

I don’t think I would just go chill with some random fan. That’s weird. I talk to people at my shows and hang out but I think it ends there. I get asked to go smoke weed all the time and I decline cause a)I don’t smoke weed b)I don’t wanna go anywhere with some random dudes I don’t know. At best , I’ll kick it with the promoters a bit or maybe some of the other artists on the bill.
But, if i was in a city for a few days with nothing to do? Who knows. Fortunately, that doesn’t really ever happen cause I’m rarely in a city for more than a night.

Q for a, have you noticed Aesop’s influence on any newer artists, examples?

And

Have you ever picked up on your own style being copied/paid homage to?

Sure. In my demo reviews I hear Aesop’s influence all over. Not so much his newer style but his older style. People try and sound like he did 15 years ago today. It’s kinda funny, actually.
As for people copying/paying homage to my style, I rarely see it. I mean, there are times here and there where a mood reminds me of my stuff but I have yet to head anyone that made me stop and be like “whoa…he sounds like me!”. I’ve met a lot of people who tell me I was a “huge influence” on them but when I hear the music, I don’t see the similarities…which is a good thing. Being influenced by someone should not mean “I sound like them”. It should mean you heard what they did and applied that to your own style.

Do you call yourself Blockhead because your head is blockish?

Yup. That’s the origin. When I was younger, I was a rapper and it was the era of self depreciating names. My head was always square (at least my jaw was), so I went with that and it stuck. Now my head is far more oval but such is life.

Does it bother you when Spotify puts up other artists with the name “blockhead” on your page? You have some weird old singles attributed to you….
Man, I go fucking nuts when I see that. Like, I straight up black out and start punching strangers.
Nah, I don’t even have spotify so I have no clue what’s there. Someone alerted me recently of one and I actually tweeted them, they responded and fixed it. So, hey, who gives a shit?
The thing about my moniker is that it’s somewhat common. There’s a some hardcore band from the DC area that’s been throwing shows for years that has somehow linked in with my bandsintown.com profile so I’d imagine more than a handful of people have seen them thinking they were gonna get me. Oops! Read the fine print guys and know the artist you’re listening to. If you hear a song on spotify with my name on but it’s some emo thrash japanese pop song, assume it’s not by me.

Answers for Questions Vol. 267

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Hello hello…
Welcome to “Answers for Questions”. You guys ask me stuff and I answer it. I’m an open book (within reason) so fire away. If you wanna ask me a question (or questions) email them to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com or simply leave the question in the comment section below. Be creative. Don’t be basic. The better the questions, the better the answer. You can do it. I believe in you, bro (or lady).
Let’s see what we got this week…

I feel like you’ve already answered this question (sorry), but have you considered writing a humorous book or anything?

I wasn’t sure if your blog was meant for you to just vent as needed, or if you genuinely enjoy writing.

I haven’t really given it that much thought , to be honest. I mean, it would be a fun thing to think about but the reality of actually writing a piece of fiction is something I’m not sure I could really do. If someone wanted to compile stuff I have already wrote as “essays” and do some MAJOR editing , that might be cool but I wouldn’t even know where to start with that.
I do this blog partially cause I like writing, partially for me to vent through, partially to put forth a more pure image of me as a person (as opposed to just my music that might have people thinking I’m some depressed shut in) and as means to give my day a little extra structure. Not having a typical “job”, it would be easy for me to fall into all sorts of shitty habits so writing this blog helps me keep things at least a little orderly.

What’s your opinion of people around the age of Vince Staples who prefer the 90s hip hop he said he doesn’t care about? I came up on the early 2000’s stuff he did (and still think there’s some very good stuff from that time) but since high school have always gravitated more towards the boom bap stuff from your era.

It doesn’t really make a difference to me. That’s my era so I’ll always be connected to it. But what some 23 year old thinks about it? That’s on them. I’m not mad if you like it and not mad if you don’t. What Staples said about it didn’t bother me at all. I felt the same way when i was a kid about the rap that came before the stuff I grew up on.
I do think that, as rap fans, we should embrace it all. I’m not saying we need to like everything (that’s ridiculous) but people get caught up in “their thing” and act like it’s not okay to like Big daddy kane, rare project blowed shit and Drake at the same time. It’s all music with good qualities to it. It’s when people become dismissive that I take issue. I feel like young people, in general, have that attitude. Like “If it’s not what I like, it’s stupid!”. I’m sure i was the same way when I was that age too though so it’s all part of the growing up process.
I liken people who are young liking old rap to how I feel about soul music. I didn’t grow up listening to that stuff but it does speak to me. There’s an authenticity and earnestness to it. Old rap is similar. At the same time, a lot of it sounds incredibly dated and I can’t even listen to some artists I used to worship. But , I suppose, that’s life.

Hey Block,
I’m visiting New York, specifically Brooklyn, for the very first time in 2 weeks. Being a huge fan of Hip Hop and movies, NY has been my number 1 U.S. destination for some time and I’m finally doing it. I’m not a big touristy kind of guy and don’t want my time there to be typical. What would you recommend I do/see/eat while I’m there (5 days total)? Thanks.

I’m terrible at giving advice about what to do in NYC for a few reasons.
I don’t do much. I’m removed from any scene where i could tell you where to go and have fun. I don’t particularly like going to shows and the things I do socially aren’t exactly anything I’d recommend to tourists. All I could really steer you towards is food ideas but even that it a daunting process.
Only thing i can really say is walk around. Everywhere. If you go to Manhattan and you’re not going for museums or Central park, stay below 14th st. Not much to see north of there. But walk around the village, the east village, soho, the lower east side.
I’m not a brooklyn guy really so I won’t be much help there. I mean, I hang out there frequently but it’s not my home base. Sorry for the shitty answer but it’s kinda like asking someone “What’s you favorite albums of all time?”. it’s just too much to process and consider to give clear and thoughtful answers.

What’s the longest distance you’ve walked through Manhattan at a time, from where to where?
I walked from the west village to the upper east side. 14th st and 7th to 92 and first ave.
This happened during the last blackout. My girl and I were stranded downtown with not heat or power. There were no cabs or trains and the buses were fucked cause people were waiting hours just to get a ride 15 blocks in any direction. So, a friend of my girl offered for us to come stay with her for a few days, until the power came back. She lived on the upper east side so we trekked all the way up there. That was like, I dunno, 5+ miles? The walk to like 3 hours at least. It was crazy though cause there were tons of other people all doing the same thing like it was a pilgrimage towards the light. We were walking up second ave and everything was totally dark until 47th street where, all of a sudden, there was power everywhere. On one block it was a zombietown and across the street it was like nothing happened. Man, that shit was crazy.

Ok, so here’s a question for you…

What blogs are you checking for this day, hiphop or otherwise? I feel like a lot of the blogs that I used to be into a few years back have died out and I see that many of the links on your blogroll are less than active… anyone I should be up on?

I don’t really read any blogs with regularity. I check links here and there if the topic looks interesting. I’ll peep passion of the weiss on occasion. Steady Bloggin’ was a pretty good source of new music when it was up and running. I’ll look at What would tyler durdon do , but just for dumb celebrity gossip and jokes. Hmm…Yeah…I don’t really pay attention to blogs though. I’m barely literate so that may have something to do with it as well.

You have an extremely unique sound when it comes to your music, if you were an alchemist making a beat what would be the 5 ingredients you would include?
Heart, soul, elbow grease, the memory of your fallen soldiers and oregano.
Just kidding.
Man…this is tough.
1)A good foundational sample
Something I can build off of that has something to it that makes me want to listen to it repetitively .
2)Bassline
You gotta have that low end in there. Some people move away from baselines and just use the 808’s as the low end of a song and that can work great but I’ve always been partial to something more melodic.
3)drums
Duh. Beats need drums. Not every track has to be some boom bap shit and sometimes less is more but the drums are the backbone of any track I make
4)Changes
I’ve always felt just looping some shit and adding drums is kinda lazy and makes for boring tracks. I like to have multiple facets to every beat I make. Change ups that can take the track in various directions.
5)a feeling
This is hard to explain but, ideally , you want the track to grab the listers ear. I’d be full of shit to say every track I make possesses this quality but it’s crucial to a good track. Sometimes you try and it just sorta misses the mark. But when I make a beat i want something in there that makes a person feel something.

I was just watching a Louie episode where his 10 year old daughter leaves the apartment and Louie freaks out and calls the cops. As a kid in Manhattan were you allowed to roam and ‘be back by dinner’? Obviously different parts of the city are more residential/safe.

While different parts of the city are more safe, the thing about NYC is that even it’s residential areas are not that residential. There are businesses everywhere. It’s not like other cities where you turn a corner and the next 10 blocks are strictly homes. So, because of that, there’s generally more activity going on at all times. Some hoods are more quiet and things don’t pop off after 9 pm but it’s called the city that never sleeps for a reason.
As for my youth, I was given a pretty long rope. I also wasn’t particularly one to go out looking to get into mischievous shit. I stayed in the neighborhood and would just bounce around from friends houses to where we’d hang out (parks, pool halls, deli’s that had video games in them).
When i was very young, there was a scourge of kidnappings in my area that scared the shit out of me (my parents seemed less worried than I was) so i was always very hyper aware of where I was and who was around me. I think that fear actually kept me closer to home for a few years.
But, in general, I could go out but I’d have to be home for dinner and my parents would need to know where I was prior to that. I think that’s typical.

The next level of marriage

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I’m not a “marriage” person. I think the whole concept is pretty antiquated. I’m not saying it doesn’t work for some people but, in 2015, the idea that it is still the expected path for all people to take is kind of silly to me. That said, it’s still good to see people ,who couldn’t marry, get the right to do so if they please. With all the forward steps it’s taken, I think we’re ready for the final step to happen. No, not marrying your cat (sorry, losers) dog, or other animal. What I’m talking about here is different. It came to me one drunken night hanging out with one of my closest friends. We had often talked about jokingly just pretending to be gay and marrying each other just for the benefits. Like that Adam Sandler movie with Paul Blart. Not only would it be bringing together two incomes, better health insurance and a bigger place to live for both of us but we’d have what we both really want anyway: freedom to live the life we both want to live.

Thing is, we didn’t know the rules of gay marriage. Like, how does one “prove” they’re actually a gay couple? Are there tests? Do they make you fellate one another in the office? I’m assuming not cause, you know, that would be ridiculous. But, if it’s just a “how well do you know your spouse?” test, surely most good friends could pass that easily. There’s got to be something cause, otherwise, I would assume straight people would be gaming the system with this idea since gay marriage was legalized. Whatever the case, it got me thinking and the fact we are two heterosexual males should not stop us from being together. We love each other. It’s a bro-love but it’s still the same love (word to macklemore). So, what if “bro-marriage” existed? (as well as the female equivalent , of course). Basically, you wanna marry your best friend of the same sex, whom you have no sexual interest in whatsoever? Then do it. Now, THAT is something I can get behind.

Of course, there are some hurdles that would arise. First is that damn, “sanctity of marriage” horseshit that republicans and christians always harp on. It’s a nice idea….if it were the dust bowl era but in 2015, marriage has very little sanctity. It’s been pissed on, shit on and flipped on it’s ass. Not because gay people can do it now but cause it’s seemingly a disposable act. People get divorced at a higher rate now than ever. People cheat. People get married for green cards. Most commonly, people get married cause “it’s the right thing to do” and cause of tradition even though they both know it’s probably not the best idea. Basically, it’s a farce. So, that angle doesn’t work for me. Hell, the only reason we can’t marry animals is cause they can’t verbalize the word “yes”. Trust me, people will be marrying their parrots in the next 20 years. Only parrots though…maybe dolphins. We’ll see…

The second hurdle is the idea of a marriage not being official until consummated. Now, THIS will be a problem for the bro-wedding movement. It is crazy that, in the old, archaic and puritanical laws of marriage “You be fuckin’!” is a major tenant. As the bro wedding is based entirely on deep friendship, there will be no fucking. Perhaps a “both in the room, jerking off at the same time while not looking at each other” amendment could be added? That could work. I feel like, if you bust a nut in a room with someone, you’re clearly pretty close. I would also like to point out, to the people who think the no sex part is a deal breaker, have you met or spoken to married couples? They have less sex than anyone. So using sex as a meter of love is bullshit. And trust me, within the marriage of bro’s, there will be plenty of sex….just not with each other. And that there is the best part about being bro-married. My husband wouldn’t give a shit if I don’t come home all night. My husband wouldn’t give a shit if I left without telling him where I’m going. Why? Cause he’s my homeboy and we don’t give a fuck. Sure, we’d have plans together. Go out on the town (ladies love two married bro’s) , see movies, get meals together. All the shit married couples do…except we’d be happy all the time. Sure, he might get pissed if i don’t invite him to come play basketball with me but we’d get past that, cause we’re two dudes and none of that shit matters. Who’s to say that kind of love is less real than your mother and fathers? Not me. Cause, chances are, your mom and dad hate each other just as much as they love each other. In that sense, a bro-marriage is superior. I could never hate my dude. I may get mad or annoyed by him but you know that feeling when you’ve been with someone forever and they walk in the room and you’re like “ughhh” in your head? WOULD NEVER HAPPEN.
Then the topic of children might pop up. Well, duh. We could adopt. or not. I don’t really give a shit. But I’m sure there are some bro’s out there who’d be all about it. Sure, that baby might grow up to be a hyperactive slob lacking any feminine touch but isn’t it more about the love of the parents. Love is love, right? Two gay man can raise an amazing chid. Surely two straight guys can do the same. Male/female assholes raise kids all the time so i don’t see a difference. Good parents are going to be god parents regardless of sex or the nature of their relationship.

So, what do you say America? Are we ready? When’s the first rally to legalize straight, same sex marriage? I’ll be the first guy in line, linking arms with my bro, until we can hear the words “I now pronounce you husband and husband, you my give a strong pound to your partner” as i throw the bouquet like a hail mary pass into the rafters of the non-denominational event center we rented out. Life would finally be right. Can we live?
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Answers for questions vol. 266

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Whattup…I hope you all had a good thanksgiving (or , if you live outside of the states, a good thursday and normal weekend).
This is answers for questions. You ask me stuff, I answer it. I always need new questions so don’t be a #shyboy. Ask me shit! Send questions to phatfriendblog@gmail.com or simply leave them in the comment section below. Be interesting. Be weird. We’re all friends here.
Here’s this weeks batch…

Hey Blockhead! What do you think of the new Prime Minister of Canada?

(Don’t let me down and be like “I have no clue who that is”..)

Prepare for a major let down…The who? Of what?
I’m not someone who follows politics very closely. And That’s the politics of my own country, let alone the one north of me. Sorry. I have no clue about what’s going on up there. Don’t feel bad though…it’s not you, it’s me.

what was the weirdest thing anyone ever gave you at an event.

I don’t know if it’s the weirdest thing but some dude came up to me with a printed pic of me when I was 16 looking like “Boy meets world” and had me sign it. That was awesome. THIS is a pic of that pic.
Other than that, i haven’t gotten that much weird shit. Lots of crystals, which is hilarious if you know me. Lots of cool little homemade knick knacks (this one dude in the northwest makes these awesome paper owls out of mcdonalds fries containers).
One time, when I was touring with Aesop, some dude in Eugene , Oregon gave us a jar of drugs. Like , a huge jar filled with EVERY drug known to man. Not just Weed. There was heroin in there. There was pcp. It was like a christmas stocking for someone with an immediate death wish. Suffice to say, we threw that shit out.

I remember being in middle school and thinking It’s Dark and Hell is Hot was the dopest shit ever, but, just this last year, I re-listened to it and realised it’s fucking garbage. Have you ever had that experience with a beloved album from your youth?
Oh god yes. Lots of the stuff I loved as a kid hasn’t aged well. Lucky for me, I grew up before that “It’s dark and hell is hot” era so most of the album I loved then are still considered classics. But stuff like Fu Shnickens or the Lord of the underground…while they aren’t terrible, definitely didn’t ripen as they grew older.
I’ve also had a thing where something I loved as a kid (The 2 live crew) become passe but then came around to be awesome later. That’s even rarer. The many levels of the 2 Live Crew!

Which of the 3 is the most vile, fucked up pile of rotten snakes of a human?
Beastiality people ( I was once curious and watched 30 seconds of a woman fucking a dog in Romania, and believe me, it was a crime against that poor animal), Pedophiles ( we all know about these sick fucks), or Necrophiles?
rate them in least to most sick

I think the least sickening would be the necrophiles, only cause they aren’t harming a living thing. At the same time, the act their doing may be the sickest of all but I’m not a believer in an afterlife or a soul existing past death so basically, once we die, we’re just worm food. If some creep wants to fuck my dead body, have at it. It’s only hurting him.

I guess beastiality would be second. It’s terrible but I’m also not a person who puts animals in front of humans. Also depends on the animal. If you fuck a horse, does he even notice? Meanwhile, if this weirdo if boning a labradoodle, that’s way worse.

Pedophilia is the worst to me cause it involves, living, breathing, human children who’s lives have to go on after the fact. Outside of the horrifying act itself, there’s a psychological angle to it that is just never ending for the victims.

Whose voice do you like better, Sam Cooke’s or Nina Simone’s?
Ohhh…tough question.
I’mma go with Nina cause , while Cooke may have the most perfect voice ever, it’s the flaws of Nina that gives it character. She can milk emotion out of a song like no one. She was insane, weird and avant garde. Cook was as technical as could be and had a beautiful voice but, i dunno…I’ll take the off kilter, interesting one over perfection every time.

You know that thing when you’re minding your own business looking in the direction you are about to walk or something, then some girl that just happens to be in your line of site turns around and thinks you’ve been checking her out? Have you ever had someone roll their eyes and get all snooty because of it? This happened while I was driving earlier today and it cracked me up. Do you think lots of women go through their day constantly misinterpreting these situations? Is it completely out of line to yell “I’M NOT CHECKING YOU OUT DINGBAT!” if this happens? Or, as guys, should we always just chill and walk it off, with the understanding that women DO get harassed more than we can imagine?

Umm…yeah, walk it off dude. Who cares?
I can tell you that women do get stared at and hit on relentlessly. Walking around NYC is a constant reminder of this and the interesting part is it’s not just the hot women. It’s all of them. i’ve seen a 4 walk down the street and have dude whooping at her like a cattle call. Basically, dudes on the street are the worst so, if some girl misinterprets your gaze as you being a creep, let it go. Unless you have a legit chance to explain it to her…but even then, that’s a Larry David moment waiting to happen.
Let it slide. Worst case is she thinks you, some complete stranger she will never see again, are a lecherous low life. As men, we just gotta live with that judgement. It’s the least we can do.

Answers for Questions vol. 265

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Wow, it’s been a while. I’m back from the road and I forgot what it was like to wake up and write one of these.
Thanks to all those who came out to see me open for Emancipator on the west coast. I had a blast and will be hitting the road again next year. Hopefully, coming to your town.
Anyway, this is “Answers for Questions”. You ask, I answer. If you have anything you wanna ask me (and I do mean anything), fire away. Send questions to phatfriendblog@gmail.com or simply leave the questions in the comment section below. Get weird. Get creative. Don’t be basic. That’s all I ask.
Okay, Let’s get back to business…

Whats the weirdest place you’ve ever had sex (or rubbed one out)? i.e. movie theater, airplane bathroom, Chuck-e-cheese ball pit, etc…

I’ve never been one to really get too weird with my locations. I had sex on a beach but that’s about it for public sex. I guess I’m just a man of comfort. Like, quickly banging away in alley way while homeless people sleep a few feet away is cool and all but I’d rather be indoors, on a soft surface.
As for jerking off, I’ve never even thought of doing that anywhere in public. Probably cause I have self control. It’s cool. It’s stops me from whipping my cock out in public and blowing loads all over the place simply cause I feel the urge. It’s a real game changer.

If you had to choose between a pogo stick or a unicycle as your sole means of transportation which would you choose? (please note that choosing the unicycle does not magically bestow you with the ability to ride one. Unless you already know how, you’re gonna have to learn)

Here’s the thing, I can’t ride a pogo stick either so I’d be starting from scratch either way. For that reason, the obvious choice is unicycle. I’m sure , once I got the hang of it, I’d be whipping around town like some meth head carny. Easy choice.

Tell us things about the new Aesop album. Are you producing any tracks?
It’s really dope. He did all the beats (I did a remix for a song though).
Outside of that, I can’t really tell you anything. You gotta wait and find out.

Would you rather know the date you’ll die but not the year, or the year you’ll die but not the date?
I’d rather not know either of those things. If I had to choose , I guess the date not the year. At least, that way, I could enjoy 364 other days a year. In fact, i could live downright recklessly on those days. I’m sure , on my death date, I’d literally lock myself in a room and live as safely as possible. Like , only eat foods I can’t choke on, move as little as possible…that kind of thing. If I knew the year, I’d spend the whole time just waiting for it to happen and that’s no good. I’m a guy who can’t sleep when I know I have an early flight the next day. Imagine how I’d be if I thought I was gonna die every day? Fuck all that noise.

If you had to give up porn or youtube, what would you choose?

Damn son…really testing me here. That’s a seriously hard question. They both serve such a purpose for me. Now, for the sake of my mental health, I guess I’d give up porn. I have no idea what I’d jerk off to but , I imagine, it would be for the better in the long term. The thing about giving up youtube is that that’s pretty much everything else. Like, what, I’m gonna spend the rest of my life ONLY watching vimeo clips? youtube covers so much ground I don’t think I could function without it.

Do you still ever watch The Walking Dead? Please name any characters that you detest more than “fucking Carl” (from any TV show).

I do still watch it and this season has been one of the better in recent memory.
That said, Carl gonna carl and he will forever and always be the worst. There is no one worse than Carl on the show or on any other show. He’s the absolute worst person on TV. Including donald trump. Yup. Fuck Carl. In fact, I prefer to spell his name KKKarl just drive home what a piece of shit he is.

What kind of fantasy basketball league do you play in?

12 teams, head to head. Simple stuff. I’m the commissioner and it’s pretty much just me and 11 of good friends who spend the entire season complaining, taunting and disliking each other. It’s the best.

Answers for Questions vol. 264

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Yoyoyoyoyo,
What’s up. Welcome to another edition of “answers for questions”. You ask, I answer. If you have a fun/interesting question you want me to answer, fire away. leave them in the comment section or email them to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com

So, I’m headed out west today to do a few weeks on the road with Emancipator. If you live anywhere along the coast from B.C. canada to San diego, I’m probably playing somewhere kinda near you. Peep the dates here: http://blockheadmusic.com/ come see your boy.
This also means my blog output may be a bit stilted the next few weeks but, hey, do you really give a shit? Probably not. I’ll try and write stuff here and there though.
Anyway, here’s this weeks batch…

If you were a fan of you, what question would you ask you?
Oooff…Man, I dunno. I’d probably be one of those very random , non-music related questions. Something that would possibly garner a funny story or humor on some level. Those are the questions I like answering the most so I’d try to make that happen. But, clearly, my imagination is so dead right now I can’t even think of an example.

Blockhead, how common do you think it is for guys to have tasted their own semen? It think that it would be extremely common, regardless of sexual orientation.
I think it’s not that rare but I also don’t think it’s the norm. It falls in between. I personally have never. I ate boogers as a kid. I think I even put my ear wax in my mouth once. But i never had the urge to taste my own jizz. That said, I’ve certainly spoken to a good deal of dudes who have. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. It just comes down to your level of curiosity. I never had that “I wonder what my cum tastes like?” moment, I guess.

I’ve been listening to your music since 2011 and reading your blog for some time now as well, but I never had a chance to go to your show due to geographical issues, i.e. me living and working in the middle of nowhere.

So, let’s say I came to your show, had a good time (goes without saying), went over to the merch stand, shook your hand, told you it was great and how I loved your blog (seems like you like to hear that), took a photo of me smiling like a hyena and you… well, doing what you feel like and I wanted to spend a bunch of money on stuff you’re selling to show my love and support (no irony here, usually if I like the artist and the show, I want to buy something to give him/her/them some financial… erm… boost? Also, to make them interested in coming again).

What do you have to offer? My wallet is itching, man…

Like, merch wise? I got cd’s, records and t-shirts. It depends what I have in stock at that moment but I generally have a few of those available at every show.
At the moment, I only have a new t-shirt I just got made, “Bells and whistles” on vinyl and “uncle tony’s coloring book” on Cd. I’m waiting on a shipment of more cd’s and records though. Sadly I won’t have them for this tour I’m leaving for today.

On a scale from 0-100 (0 being, you believe absolutely NOTHING the USA has said about the moon landings and space travel; 100 being, you believe absolutely EVERYTHING the USA has said about the moon landings and space travel) where do you land?
Hmm…80? I’m not a skeptical guy about that kind of thing and I’m absolutely not into conspiracy theories. But, more than that, I honestly don’t really give a shit. Did they go to the moon? Probably. Does that make my day/life any different if they didn’t? Not at all. Doubting things takes effort and, most of all, interest. Two things I’m generally low on, when it comes to space travel.
I’m kind of a sucker in a way cause I will believe some things simply cause I’m told them. Like, if i have no reason to not believe it or if it makes sense…I’ll just go along with it cause , regardless of what i think, it’s not that big a deal to be either way. Like if you tell me “Did you know that yogurt works as a subtle mood enhancer?” I’d probably just be like “No shit? cool” cause why the fuck not? I don’t care enough to fact check a person and i don’t get off on disproving people over pointless facts.

In terms of beauty trends, 2015 has been a huge year for eyebrows. Bold and polished brows have been everywhere. Is this something that you even notice as a guy?
The only time I noticed this is when I posted that Rihanna remix I did and the pic my friend used of her (for the jpeg) was her with massive brows. Then, people saw that and started commenting on it. Other then that, I haven’t noticed a huge trend towards caterpillar like eye brows. Which is good cause that’s not a good look for anyone.

Do you think it’s common for musicians to become depressed when they’re touring (in my mind, touring seems like it would have some fun parts, but it seems sooooo isolating and exhausting).
I don’t know about depressed but tired and run down? definitely.
Touring can kick your ass. Especially if you’re partying. After a while, the days just kinda all blend together. I’m normally good at remembering where I play and details of certain shows but if you put me on the road for two weeks, with a show every night, by the 5th show, it’s a blur. You go into “Tour mode” where it’s pretty much just moving forward without thinking. Your only goal is to be up for the show. So the entire rest of the day you’re just kinda out of it. But, I wouldn’t say that’s being depressed. They’re very different feelings.
Also, the longer you’ve been touring and the older you are, the more zonked out you get. Young artists touring for the first time are just having a great time.

Before you were able to make a living off of your music, what was the shittiest job you ever had? I’ve answered a variation of this a few times but I’ll do it again for the nose bleed seats.
I have had many shitty jobs. I worked as a “teachers assistant” in a special ed school, I was a bus boy, I worked in multiple coffee shops. Pretty much any job I ever held was not impressive.
My shittiest job was working as a security guard at Kim’s video. This was an NYC chain that specialized in alternative movies and music. I somehow fell into a job there as a security guard even though they bought me in to work at a cafe they had opened. The cafe closed and i was fucked, noticed they needed staff to be security and they just gave me job. No training. Nothing. That job consisted of standing in one place for 10 hours at a time , making sure no one stole anything. I was the youngest guy there (I was 20 at the time) and the only person doing that job who wasn’t literally from africa. I would stand in the corner of the cd section just pretending to watch for thieves. I never caught anyone. Probably cause i was just zoning out the whole time and, even if I did see someone take some shit, I’d just let it go cause who gives a shit? It wasn’t even that bad a job…it’s was just incredibly boring. Still, better than millions of other shit jobs i could have had.