Answers for Questions vol. 177

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Hi there! It’s a monday. That means, time for me to answer questions you guys send me.
I’ve been doing this forever (since myspace was a place people really cared about) but it never gets boring. Probably cause I don’t have to do any of the heavy lifting.
Anyway, if you’d like to be a part of the magic and feel you have something unique to bring to the table, please ask me anything. Send me questions to phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comments below. I’m always in need of new questions and all I ask is for you to be creative about what you ask. If your question reads like an Urb magazine interview, I probably don’t wanna answer it.
So, let’s get into this weeks batch…


What do you prefer to be called in person? Tony or Blockhead? Is it weird for strangers to call you Tony? Or is it weirder for close friends to call you Blockhead?

None of my real life friends call me Blockhead. That’s weird. In fact, it’s one of those things that, if a person I know well in real life (outside of music) calls me, something is wrong with them. I’ve had people who knew me before music call me that in public (and they aren’t joking or fucking around) and it’s clear they’re doing it in a corny, social scene kinda way.
The only people who call me that , who know me, and I don’t mind are people I know via music. Rappers, producers, promoters etc..If you met me as “Blockhead” than I’m blockhead. But, honestly, I introduce myself as Tony, even when I’m at shows backstage.
As for fans, I get called both. Being called Blockhead by a fan makes more sense to me. When a stranger comes up to me and is like “Hey Tony, What’s up?” it confuses me and makes me think I’ve met them before and don’t remember them. So, that can be strange. However, when they call me Tony it does mean they’re actually aware of me beyond just being the guy who’s music they heard on Pandora or saw my video on Youtube. So, it doesn’t really bother me. That said, just for the sake of clarity, I wouldn’t mind if all people who know me 100% via my music and have never met me before just call me Blockhead.

What do you make of The recent somewhat alarming winter weather
patterns hitting the south east? Have you seen the movie “day after
tomorrow”? I fear that more extreme weather is becoming a norm – more
tornadoes, way more snow in the south than in recent memory. Is this
fear mongering? Or have we reached some critical point on our planet?

I mean, it’s global warming, right? Is there any question? More heat, more cold and more natural disasters.
I can only speak for where I am but ,in my entire life, I cannot remember a winter worse than this one. Sure, we’ve had bigger blizzards but never this relentless shit show that’s been going on since december. Not only the cold but the snow. Like 10 inches, then a day off and another ten inches. It hasn’t snowed in NYC in weeks and there is still snow on the ground. This is what living in Minnesota must be like.
While I do see this all as global warming, there is a part of me that’s like “Well, if the winter was this bad, maybe the summer will be mild?” after all, last summer was brutal but the winter previous was pretty mild. Wishful thinking, right?
But, yeah, we’re fucked. I watched a video of an iceberg the size of Manhattan breaking off an ice cap the other day. That can’t be good. I’m an ignorant person in many ways (don’t read/watch the news or try and stay on top of current events). I tend to pick a side and roll with it based on gut instinct but the world coming to an end in the next 150 years sounds about right. The scary part of that is that those last 75 years will probably SUCK too. Motherfuckers will be back in caves. Sure, out technology will be awesome but it won’t matter when we can’t go outside without bursting into flames. Really makes me wanna have kids!

What would you rather do for a FULL SIXTY MINUTES —> Listen to someone’s long and drawn out story about “this crazy dream they had last night” OR Listen to someone’s long and drawn out “this one time when I was trippin’ balls, man…” story?? Or do you think you would have a perfectly equal and balanced bias against both of these things?

I’d much rather hear the second option cause , at least, that actually happened.And, truth be told, some stories of people tripping can be amazing. One of my nephews has one that is all time top 5 stories ever that includes him pissing on his chest with an erection and hitting on his own mom. Dream stories, however, are the fucking worst. I don’t mind a brief synopsis of a dream. MY friend told me she dreamt I was on a flying hamburger the other night and that was cool. But in depth dream descriptions that have back story and different parts? Fuck all that noise. I’d rather read fortune cookies or watch someone else play video games.

Psycho-social question: why do you think teenage (and some grown-up) boys feel the need the need to draw penises everywhere, and why do teenage (and some adult) girls put hearts on everything? Both are mad annoying and uncreative at this point but the trend continues. Thoughts?
First off, i didn’t know that was a “thing”. I mean, I’ve seen Superbad but is drawing dicks a huge issue with todays youth? I had no clue. That said, I totally get why teenaged boys do it. It’s cause they, much like men of all ages, are obsessed with their own dicks. I suppose when they’re that age and they’re just a pile of confused hormones, the best they can do to rationalize the amount of time they’re spending milking their dicks is by drawing them. Another aspect of this is that, much like farts, dicks are funny. They’re funny when you’re a kid and they’re funny when you’re an adult. It’s just one of those things.
As for girls drawing hearts, I have no idea. The thought of entering the mind of a teenaged girl is as terrifying as Carcosa (#truedetectivereference).

I’ve never been to New York but I plan on visiting my friend in Brooklyn later this year. I’m 29 years old so I’ve seen about 29 years of people’s interpretations of NY through TV, movies, books, music, etc. In your opinion, who has done the best, most truthful job of interpreting your city? Who has done the worst?

That’s tough to say. Cause certain movies zone in on certain facets and eras of NYC and nail it. I can only really judge what I know. “Annie Hall” and “Mean streets” could be perfect but I don’t remember that NYC cause I wasn’t there when they came out. A movie like “Kids”, had MANY flaws in how it represented NYC (The Washington Square park beat down was kinda ridiculous) but it nailed some really details. I definitely related to living and being a kid in downtown Manhattan during the summer to how that movie portrayed it. Even a movie like “The Wackness” was on point at times. Sure, there were parts in that film that were clearly just switched up by some studio guy to make the story work better (his weed selling methods were not exactly plausible and the “Cool bas ass” kid being asian and no puerto rican was a misstep) but the vibe of going to school on the upper east side and being that age in the pre-Guliani NYC was on point. Spike Lee’s had some good moments of capturing NYC too. Thing is, there’s never been a movie that I was like “Yup! They nailed it!” but that’s probably cause , in general, the movie making process is too tampered with to ever pull it off.
As for worst interpretation, pretty much any whimsical Rom-com. The sex in the city movies are a fucking joke and , not only misrepresented NYC but , somehow, ended up making their terrible reality more of an actual reality in the city. I blame cupcakes.

feel like I’ve heard you say something along the lines of ‘there are very few rappers who should make their own beats’. maybe not tho; cant remember; im dumb.

you’ve written on the all-time best rapper/producers. how about the worst? the dude’s whose music would be great if they’d just give up the half of the equation they’re real bad at.

First off, pretty sure I never said that statement. Most successful rappers who make their own beats are actually pretty solid.
As for people who shouldn’t do one or the other…
#1 on this list has got to be Eminem. His fucking beats are the worst thing ever and , seemingly, turned him into a worse rapper. That’s a guy who needs another person in the studio with him to be like “Hey man, how bout we don’t use the Triumph the insult dog voice on this one?”.
Dilla and Madlib should have never rapped. They weren’t the worst but it was unnecessary. Quasimoto was a fun project and very quirky but, I dunno, the dude is clearly better at making beats.
To a lesser extent, Del shouldn’t make his own beats. I say this cautiously cause he’s made some awesome tracks over his career but one of his last solo albums that he totally self produced was pretty weak. So, it’s possible he can still make dope shit and just had a rough patch. I dunno.

If I had still rapped, I would have made this list easily.

What’s your take on the Outkast “comeback”? Are you holding your breath for a new album or is this just a way for these dudes to re-fill their bank accounts?

It’s wishful thinking. I really wanna hear Andre rap again. Especially over good beats. He’s been in the habit of dropping a verse a year on some R&B love song with a total nightmare of a track behind it so, to hear him rock over an actual good beat would be refreshing.
I think it could happen and it could be great but they’ve waited too long. All their fans are old now and , while it will get tons of press, I dunno if the generation that guides musical tastes will give a shit. Pitchfork will have to make their minds up for them.

What will I give up for Lent? Hahahaha….nothing, bro.

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Apparently, Lent began yesterday. To Catholics all over the world, this means it’s time to pick a vice and put it on hold for 40 days. At least that’s my understanding of it. If you’re catholic and I’m wrong, feel free to not correct me though cause, really, I don’t give a shit what you do for the next 40 days. That said, I support your desire to cleanse your sins. Go for the gold!
Clearly I’m not catholic so, to me, Lent means casually hearing what people I vaguely know are gonna stop doing for 40 days and 40 nights. To an outsider, it sounds a lot like New year resolutions but with an added bonus of god’s judgement. Some people are realistic and decide “I’m gonna give up fried foods for a month”. Others probably see it as a time to really turn their life around and vow things like “I’m gonna stop murdering vagrants for a month!”. In both cases, it’s an uphill battle. I was out to dinner with my Girl and Pollyne (My Rogglecast partner) and they were talking about trying to do the Lent thing. Even though neither of them are remotely catholic, it’s a good excuse to impose some sort of restrictions on yourself. My girls choice? Diet Coke. This might not sound like much but, trust me, it’s a big deal. She’s an addict. I support this wholeheartedly cause ,well, Diet coke is fucking gross and I’m pretty sure she needs rehab for it. Pollyne opted for the “no drinking” angle but , I dunno…She had had a few drinks and I think it was the sake talking.
Hearing those two throw ideas back and forth got me thinking about what I could do for Lent. What vice could I give up? Thing is, I’m not a person who has many obvious vices on the surface. I don’t smoke, do drugs and I drink on occasion. But, clearly, those things are the most obvious. When I thought about it, I have tons of vices. Little tiny ones but things that undoubtedly rule my life. So, here’s a list of them and my “reasoning” for not quitting them for Lent (Other than it being a catholic tradition that has nothing to do with me or how I live my life).

1)The internet
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The internet is my Diet Coke. I’m on it all the time in some form and I need it. Beyond just social networking and fantasy basketball, I write this blog. Not that it is important to anyone but me but, hey, if I skipped a month I might as well just stop all together. While it could be argued I could use a little time to “refuel” I’m simply not that kind of person. I either do something or I don’t. Also, as a musician who needs to promote myself, I can’t really afford to take a month off. Sure, there are some off-the-grid famous people who somehow maintain notoriety simply by being themselves but I’m not one of them. I’m already a niche within a niche. I need all the exposure I can get. I gotta eat, bro.

2)Porn
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Now , this is one I probably could pull off. Probably. But, it’s one of the situations where I’m like “And I do this for what?”. Certainly not for you, Lent! You don’t evne know me, bro. I’m not one of those creeps who sit around watching porn all day. Or one of those even creepier creeps who just have it on in the background while they go about their daily business around the house. In fact, the second I’m “done” with it, I can’t “Command/Q” quick enough. While I do “need” porn in the sense that my imagination is shot, I’m also not 14 years old firing off nuts 8 times a day. As you get older, jerking off becomes part maintenance and part luxury. Porn just keeps those moments rolling smoothly. No need to make that more difficult on myself. Sorry, Lent, but you’re always gonna lose this battle.

3)Farting
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Although this would make my girl the happiest person on earth, I’m afraid I’d explode if I couldn’t fart so, sorry!

4)Being a slob
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This is a constant work in progress but, the thing is, I’m an organized slob. I have my little slobby patches around the house where I keep my contained mess but it’s not like I ever lose things. The things I’m most slovenly about are leaving water bottles with like two sips left on the table , not picking up my sneakers from the floor, leaving beard trimmings on the sink and leaving tiny piles of crumbs everywhere I just ate. In that sense, I’m very much like living with a pet gerbil. So, why not spend 40 days not being a slob? I have no reason not to except that I’m realistic. I know me. And the reason I’m a slob in these ways is cause I literally don’t think about it. I don’t leave those bottles there cause I’m trying to be a mess or feeling too lazy to carry it 10 feet to a trash can, I leave them there cause I literally notice them and don’t think about them. So, while this would be a prime and realistic choice for Lent, I know myself well enough to accept that I’d fail. The best I can do with this one is forgo the “Lent” excuse and just try to give more of a shit. I really do…but I don’t. Work in progress.

5)Not calling people on the phone
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This is weird one. I hate talking on the phone. When texting became a thing, I was delighted. Thing is, I got tons of old friends who I don’t get to see all the time who I’d like to stay in touch with. But, it’s like there’s a block in my hands that doesn’t allow me to make those calls. If I could put a month aside and make like, a call a day to a friend I haven’t spoken with in a while, that would be something else. The reason I don’t? Honestly, it’s selfish but I’m not trying to spend an hour on the phone a day. That and, I’d imagine, half of them feel the same way as I do. True old friends are cool with that “See you when I see you” life. Only dipshits keep tabs on their friends into adulthood. That said, it’s always nice to hear from an old friend, just call me, guys. I’m probably just sitting on my couch playing Candy Crush. Which brings me to…

6)Playing NBA2k, candy crush and words with friends
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Who are you,my mom? Why would you want to take these little joys away from me, Lent? They’re not hurting anyone! Sure, my girl wants to murder the man who invented Candy Crush and the 20 games with Words with friends I have going at all times is a bit of a distraction but…whatever. We need distractions. Some people read books. Some people watch TMZ, and I play pointless games. Also, I’m on level 500 on Candy Crush (yes, I’m bragging about that) and, you assume once I beat it, you get a prize, right? Gotta see what that is.

7)Watching TV
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Now you’re getting crazy. You think I’m gonna miss the final episode of True Detective for a religious event that I don’t even subscribe to. Go fuck yourself, Lent. At best, I can try and not watch BAD tv. That’s doable. But, then again, what is bad and what is good? Is “Gigolo’s” bad or is it so bad it’s actually great? A show like “The Walking Dead” is actually pretty bad but considered good. Can I watch that? A show is really what you make it. So, while I could easily not watch “Keeping up with the kardashians” for a month, I dunno if I wanna put other shows I actually like under the same scrutiny.The concept of not watching “bad” TV for Lent is far too deep into a grey area to ever pull off successfully. So, fuck all that noise. Besides, The Real World #29 is really heating up. You wouldn’t understand, Lent.

I’ve given this a lot of thought (well, the 25 minutes it took me to write this) and
I’ve come up with a perfect solution for Lent. I’ve decided I’m simply gonna give up Josh Hartnett movies for 40 days and 40 nights. I really think I can pull it off. Seems fitting, right?
Unknown

Thanks Lent!

Answers for questions vol. 176

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What’s crackin’? It’s another lovely monday on the eastern seaboard , which means it’s cold as fuck and gonna snow any second now. Bout that life.
Anyway, did you guys watch the Oscars last night? OMG! So many great outfits! Can you believe that suit that one guy wore and that necklace that whatsherface wore? Life changing.
Enough pleasantries, this is that column where you guys ask me stuff and I answer it. Most everything is in play. If you have a question you want me to answer, send it over my way. Either email it to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave it in the comment section below. I’m always looking for new material. Just try and keep it interesting.
Without further ado, here is this weeks crop.

From your times touring around Europe, how did you feel about the different customs for greeting women over there? I’m talking about the one or two cheek kisses thing (or even three kisses in some places). Do you feel comfortable doing it or do you feel awkward and mess it up by going for the “wrong” side first?

The double cheek kiss thing will always throw me off. I go to europe and I’m constantly leaving ladies hanging with the second kiss. It’s actually a lot like when I’m out west and I give people pounds and they’re expecting that stupid ass fist bump afterwards. I always forget and then try to redeem myself , which results in the classic awkward white dude pound.
But, yeah, in europe, I always forget. Luckily, I tend to just go for the direct hand shake with strangers and that kinda limits the awkwardness. I’d say what REALLY fucks me up is when someone in the states does the double cheek kiss (or when a man goes in for a cheek kiss). I’m not prepared for either of those things and they both tend to result in either me almost accidentally making out with a girl or having a dude kiss my neck. I’ll tell you, the whole greeting system is fucked. I’m a fan of a pound for dudes and a hug or cheek kiss for women but if we could just all agree that a simple handshake was the way to go, I wouldn’t be mad.

Question:
I’m sorry to bring such unfavorable feelings upon your Monday, yet I’m curious to know which victims of gentrification on the island of Manhattan you personally miss the most? Specifically:
-bar
-nightclub
-diner
-pizza place
-any type of restaurant
-record store
-did i miss anything?

The thing I miss most is neighborhoods having a certain feeling. You could really differentiate between areas when walking around. That still exists to an extent but nowhere near what it used to be like. Otherwise, I’d say, by far, the answer is bars. In Manhattan they’ve seemingly gone out of their way to shut down any decent dive bar and replace it was some shit like a natural food store or a duane reade (that’s a local drug store chain in NYC).
Funny thing about all the other things you’ve listed, none of those bother me.
I never gave a shit about night clubs.
Pizza will always be fine in NYC.
Diners come and go but they’re always gonna be good ones that are open 24/7 within walking distance.
Record stores have taken a hit but I can’t say I go to record stores much any more. Also, I’d say that’s a nationwide thing more than just NYC.
and the restaurants? You know what…the food has never been better here. Sure, a bunch of great and important places have closed over the last 5 years and that sucks but a dope new spot opens all the time. As lame as NYC gets, the food situation will never be a problem. I will die a well fed fat man.

what is your definition of a “technical rapper” like what the fuck does that even mean? can you list examples of technical and not technical?

To me, a “technical” rapper is one who is highly skilled in his “technics”. Meaning, he can flow effortlessly, he knows how to use his voice, and he’s versatile. Guys like Busta Rhymes or Black Thought are perfect examples. Those two can basically do whatever they want, in terms of how they rap and what they can pull off. That said, lots of times , it’s not enough reason to like a guy. Black thought is a prime example. Dude is unquestionably good at rapping. Every facet of it. But I dunno, I just never feel like listening to him. I’ll take someone like MF Doom over him any day even though his technical skills are somewhat flawed in comparison. In lots of cases, personality can take you way further than technicality. But, if you ever see me review a demo on here and say the rapper was a good technical rapper, it just means he’s refined his skill set and knows how to rap. But it doesn’t mean he’s automatically good or interesting.

Yo Block, these questions have been getting soft as pussy on here, so I’ma break it off with the raw uncut. Hypothetically speaking, if you had the option of A) Being able to fuck your perfect 10 (any girl from any era) under the condition that you could only finish by fucking the soles of her feet, or B) Fuck the hottest girl that you’ve ever been with in your life (minus the foot part) for the rest of your life, what would you choose?

Thanks you for hardening up these soft ass questions.
Okay…I’m confused. Does this mean, if I do option A that I would be allowed to fuck other girls after that? Also, does it mean that in option B I’m basically bound to fuck that one girl forever? I’m gonna assume both those things and EASILY pick option A. While I’m far from someone who likes feet, I’m sure I could pull off a little foot jizz session if needed…especially if I’m having sex with the perfect girl. And, truth be told, it being a one off is just more appealing to me. I’m not a guy who’s into forced contractual things, especially where sex is involved.
The problems with option B are ,according to the wording, I’ve already had sex with this person. What if the hottest girl I ever had sex with was lame in bed? What if she wasn’t but maybe I don’t wanna have sex with just her for the rest of my life? All these things don’t always go hand in hand and, truth be told, there’s not a girl on earth that a guy isn’t gonna eventually stop lusting for.
In general, when given these kinda questions, I’mma most likely chose the one that’s less of a commitment. Even if it means busting nuts on the soles of someones feet.

I’m always on the lookout for a good baseball hat. So when I went to the hall of fame, I had to hit a hat store in Cooperstown. The place I went into had thousands of hats to choose from. I noticed that most hats now are a “high crown” style. I’m not a fan.

What do you look for when purchasing a hat? High crown style? Fitted? Slouch? Snap back? Flex fit? Any particular company? Etc…

Shit…I dunno. I’m clearly a hat guy but I don’t really have one type of thing I look for. I’ve been rocking snap backs lately cause I got tired of all my fitted’s shrinking cause I sweat in them.
To be honest, I’ve pretty much stopped wearing baseball team hats and have moved on to more random things. I have a corduroy hat with a tiny elegant bear on it that I’ve been rocking lately. This one:
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Before that, I was wearing a promotional hat for a friends indie movie. Before that, I was rocking this hat some dude gave me in russia that was big upping some crew in St Petersburg. I like having hats that no one else is wearing around me or anywhere I go. So,yeah, I tend to keep it pretty random. RIP to all my Orioles hats though. That’s my #1 hat of all time.

I have a serious question though now. Which guy do you think has fallen deepest into the ZONE?

This guy:
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Or this guy:
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Or this guy:
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EXCELLENT question. Seriously, when I say “get creative” this is what I’m talking about.
Let’s go through each pic and figure out what we have here.
Picture 1:
This dude is not in the friend zone. In fact, he’s gonna hit it in the very near future. That look she’s giving is one of “You’re gonna ejaculate on my feet very soon”. He may have taken the nice guy angle with how he bagged her but rest assured, it worked and he’s as far from the friend zone as you can get. In fact, I’d venture to say he’s probably a scum bag and she’s gonna hate him soon after he hits it and never calls her again.

Picture 2:
This one could go one of two ways. He’s either the biggest sucker alive and she’s the worst human being ever for allowing him to degrade himself like that OR this all part of some weird sexual thing they already got going on. Maybe being used as a stool in a train station is the only way he can achieve an orgasm? Who knows. Listen, we all know japanese people are often into bugged out stuff (my apologies is this is not in Japan , I can’t read that writing and this just seems like a very japanese picture). This could be foreplay? Especially when you consider gender roles out there. Shit like this doesn’t happen unless the men allow it. So, this guy is either in the slave zone or he just has a fetish for having his neck farted on.

Picture 3: Ding Ding Ding! We have a winner! This guy is locked into some serious talk about bullshit over a piping hot cup of herbal tea. She looks like she just got back from the gym and might even think he’s gay. Right now, she’s rattling off details of her boring ass day and he’s nodding away, pretending that any of it matters or is the least bit exciting. He is her emotional sponge and he’ll continue to be that guy until she either starts dating someone else or literally tells him “I don’t like you like that”. That said, I’d still say a window is open for him. It’s a small crack but I think , in the right situation under the right circumstances , he could sneak in there. If not for just a night.

Really, none of these three pics are dead in the water friend zoned dudes. For that…look not further than this poor guy:
Screen shot 2014-03-03 at 11.08.51 AM
RIP this guys soul.

How does your gf deal with the cornucopia of…if you were single, would you…hypotheticals that you’re thrown at within “that bloggin life”? She seems like a true gem, to be sure!

She’s what we call a reasonable human being who is able to differentiate between reality and the hypothetical. It’s actually pretty awesome. I’ve been with girls who were not so logical and it’s the worst. It is funny that that would be considered a quality of a “gem” when, really, it’s something any adult should be in possession of.
But, yes, she is a gem, for reasons far beyond that.

Answers for Questions Vol. 175

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Whattup. Welcome to the 175th time I have answered questions you have sent me. 175! What the fuck?
A lot of time has passed and one thing hasn’t changed. I need you to send me questions. In fact, I was looking at my question pile and it’s getting kinda thin so, PLEASE, send me some more questions. Either leave them in the comment section below or email them to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com. You can ask as many questions at a time as you like. All I ask is that you be somewhat creative. If you’re new to this column and the question you wanna ask seems like something that may have been covered already (shit like “Who are your influences” or “What inspires you?”) I can tell you, yes, I’ve covered those surface type questions. But, otherwise, get weird…This column can’t go on without you.
Okay? I look forward to hearing from you. So, now, let’s get into this weeks batch.

Before the knicks vs lakers game the other night there was this behind the scenes thing they do with diff members of the lakers organization. They did a follow along with Bill Bertka who is 86 yoa plain and simple I was baffled! This fuckin guy!! He is still actively playing basketball in the senior olympics it was funny sad and inspiring all at once I def felt mad props for him but how could you do anything but laugh at these guys? not one of them could run at best they were trotting and were even fouling each other it was the funniest thing.

Ten years later and my question is if your health permits will you be the old geezer landing three’s trotting down the court in a head band and windbreaker shorts? Could u see yourself playing as a senior? Let alone 86?

I mean, in my dreams that will happen but I’m not counting on it. I play in a few weekly runs and there are some older dudes at one of those runs. Looking at them, It’s clear that balling out after 50 is not easy. There is a certain kinda fragility that comes with old age that makes a person go the opposite of “hard in the paint”. These dudes don’t even set picks cause they wanna avoid the contact and when they fall down, it’s kinda scary. Shit, I’m not even 40 yet and my body is in constant pain from basketball ball. Every week some new little injury pops up and it drags on for weeks at a time. At the moment, I may or may not have a hernia…or I might have just pulled a lower abdomen muscle. I honestly have no clue but it came out of nowhere and it’s sidelined me for a few weeks now. I’d imagine at 80, that kinda injury gets replaced with a broken hip.
To be perfectly honest, I dunno even know if I’d wanna live to be that old in the first place. I was talking to my girl about this just yesterday. What is the good part of being that old? The perspective on life? I feel like the moment my body stops working how it needs to work, life would be pretty miserable. It’s a depressing line of thinking but, goddamn, fuck getting old.

The idea of sample based music is mind blowing. You are probably one if the most underrated musicians out there due to the fact that not many people understand exactly what the F is happening when you boom bap…. My question is : How the hell do you chop a nice ass bassline and then somehow find a guitar that happens to be playing in the same key… I know you give credit to your software but is there a certain level of it just sounding right to the ear? I cant help but try and deconstruct the beat when I hear you and Im like ” How’d he know to put that with that?”

And man, do I boom bap! shout out to all the european fans out there. You guys always have the best little turns of phrase in your questions.
Anyway,
It’s pretty simple actually. I’m just able to tell when something is in key with another thing. That’s it. It’s kind of the cornerstone of all music. Not being tone deaf. It’s nothing to be proud of as it’s simply something EVERY musician should be able to do. If you cannot do that, then making music is not for you. I used to work with this dude who made beats and he would try and layer samples but they would be all sorts of “out of tune” . He literally couldn’t tell.I’d be like “Those two things don’t work together” and he’d respond “Nah, they synch up fine” , totally missing my point. When I hear something that’s not in key, it’s like nails on a chalkboard for me. I don’t look at this as a talent or skill on any level. Being able to discern when a note if flat just from hearing it is something I assume everyone would be able to do, but I guess not. I guess you’re born with it like a singing voice or being a lefty.

You seem to enjoy writing and I find you hysterical, most of the time. Do you hope to eventually write a book?

I do have fun writing , Most of the time. It’s a great way to just purge any creative energy I have laying around. As far as a book? I’ve never given in much serious though. On one hand, sure, it’d be cool to write a book. On the other, what the fuck would I write an entire book about? Even if it was a collection of “essays”, I dunno how well that would translate into one coherent piece. Not to mention, they’d have to hire like 5 editors to really crack down on all my grammatical and spelling errors. Like that sentence I just wrote right there…there’s no way it’s correct. But, hey, if someone offered me a book deal, I wouldn’t turn it down!
Speaking of writing, my mom found some old school work of mine and one of the things she located was this amazing review of star wars I wrote in 2nd grade.
IMG_20140223_161217_194

Not talking about a new job or career change or anything like that, but if you had the chance to participate in something fun as a one-off gig within the entertainment world, what would you choose?

-Being able to pre-interview Catfish candidates for Nev and Max
-Hang around Howard Stern’s Studio and bring him his coffee
-Assist MTV producers in designing the next Real World season

Man, those are all excellent gigs. I’m not even kidding. I’d gladly do any of those things. For an actual living (except the coffee getting gig but, still, that would be kinda cool).
Getting to talk to any of those Catfishing lunatics would be fascinating and being in the Howard Stern studio would be fun as well. But thinking about this, I’d have to go with the one I think I’d be best at. Designing the next real world. Cause, as someone who has shamefully watched every season of that shit show, I know what it takes to make it work. I’d eliminate a lot of bullshit, pick an amazing cast and find a perfect location for it. That would be soooooooo much fun.
Picking the people would be amazing. I think I’d get 5 really attractive people and two total wild cards. Maybe a person who may or may not be serial killer. Or a person who’s a germ chaser (one of those crazy people who tries to get AIDS). They always have sociopaths but they never go balls to the wall with that. I’m sure the psychological screening is crazy for that show but, hey, one serial killer slips through the cracks…how could we know!?!?! It would certainly raise the stakes. The hijinks would be epic.

I’ma long time listner, first time caller. I was wondering what your opinion was on the other Blockhead? And by other blockhead, I mean the flash animated one. This guy:
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/396965
You see, I use to think your name was derived from him and his awesomeness. But then I grew up. And realised you were old. I don’t want to ask your name origins, because I’m sure many have asked you before. Researching online, and seeing this cartoon, it seems that blockheads are common creatures, but are generally regarded as stupid. Do you perceive yourself as a blockhead in this sense? If so, you shouldn’t. Your alright mate. Ya not dumb either. I’ve learnt a lot of wisdom from your page. I do have a father, but he wasn’t that wise, so you see I depend on bloggers to teach me life lessons.

Yeah, I never heard of that cartoon till this very moment. It was…okay.
My name has nothing to do with any former usage of the term. It’s not based on that cartoon, charlie brown, gumby’s enemies or people who nail things into their heads.
It was just my rap name before I made beats and based entirely on me having a square head (jaw) when I was younger. It was an era of self depreciating names and I ran with it.

What are your thoughts on non-traditional hip hop like clouddead? I see it as an interesting departure from the norm but It seems like a lot of fans of hip hop can’t see it as more than anything but backpacker shit for people that don’t know what “real” hip hop is.
It depends. I haven’t heard a cloud dead song since the early 2000′s but I was always kinda iffy about them. They made interesting stuff for sure but it wasn’t really the type of thing I would find myself listening to. in many ways, my taste in what I listen to on my own is way more traditional than the music I actually make might dictate. At the same time, I’m all for weirdo rap. I just need to the rapers doing it to be legit good rappers. Not saying Dose-one isn’t a good rapper at all. He can rap his ass off but he’s a very particular taste.
The thing about a lot of non-traditional rappers is that they’re generally dudes who couldn’t pull of traditional rap (again, this is not referring to Clouddead at all). It would be like a painter who can only do abstract Jackson pollack type stuff but can’t paint a bowl of fruit decently. In order for one to be convincing, you must first learn the basics. A lot of non-traditional rap sounds like white dudes with no real background in rapping trying too hard to be different. It’s often a case of people focusing on the detials but overlooking the big picture. It’s the type of thing that, when it’s good (Freestyle fellowship is a example) it’s awesome but when it’s bad, it’s even worse than boring mediocre traditional rap cause it’s someone truly missing on all cylinders.

How bad is this song?

1

Listen, I try my best (which isn’t that great) to put you guys on to up and coming artists. I TRY! Sometimes, it’s a dry week though and we gotta go the other direction.
Old rappers, man. As a guy who’s basically an old producer, I can relate. You age. You lose focus on what was once natural to you. You lose touch with anything relevant. You have kids, bills and real life shit to worry about that was never a real issue when you were 20 years old. Some do better than other. Recently, i praised the surprisingly good Q-tip and Busta Rhymes song that dropped a few months back. Sadly, for every small victory for old rappers everywhere, there are also defeats. Enter the new Onyx song/video.

Normally, I’d give the old “Yay or Nay” treatment to a song like this but it’s pointless. I know the answer. So much so that I ponder…how bad is this song?
Is it harmlessly not good or is it the worst thing ever made? I’m curious as to what you think.
So, I ask you. On a scale of 0-10, how bad is this song. Just to clarify, let’s go over what each number means:
0-Fuck you, I like it!
1-It’s not THAT bad. i might actually listen to it a few times before I forget it even existed
2-Hey man, I’ve heard worse. I used to love onyx. I might not bump it but I’m not mad at it.
3-It’s not the best onyx can do…in fact, it’s pretty bad but, still, I don’t see the big deal.
4-Sure, it’s kinda bad. Who cares?
5-It’s pretty bad.
6-Man, this is REALLY not good.
7-This song fucking sucks.
8-This is the worst thing I’ve heard in a long time, which is saying a lot cause I listen to the radio.
9- Possibly one of the worst songs I’ve ever heard
10-This is, without question, one of the worst songs ever made. Worse that “rag doll” by Aerosmith. Worse than Reggeaton. Worse than a kick in the nuts. This is THE Worst.

So, using the above guidelines, how bad is this song?

Answers for questions VOl. 174

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Happy presidents day! or whatever the fuck holiday it is. Whatever it is, it’s a day off for people who most likely hate their jobs so congrats!
It’s that time of the week where I take reader questions and answer them. Simple stuff.
If you’d like to be a part of the magic, send me some questions! In fact, PLEASE! Send me questions. I can always use them. Either leave them in the comments below or email them to me at Phatfriendblog@gmail.com
It’s all anonymous and you can get weird.
Oh, also, I got some shows this month in L.A., Sand diego and Austin.
Peep HERE for dates
So, let’s get into this weeks batch…

Block, I was a low level employee who pleaded with my superiors to sign you for the album that was eventually Music by Cavelight. Sadly, they could not understand how an album could be that amazing without lyrics. I even got a meeting with us and your manager Gabe and kept in touch with Gabe for a mintue. Am I wrong to assume that we were not the only label that met with you and passed? I remember listening to the demo repeatedly but just could not convince the bosses to pull the trigger. Did you meet with Def Jux, Rawkus, Bronx Science, Stones Throw or any other prominent early 00′s independents?

I actually didn’t “meet” with any labels. My manager basically sent it out to a bunch of labels and then followed up. Thing is, we didn’t send it to many rap labels. So all the ones you listed above weren’t in the running.I’m actually surprised whatever label you worked for had it to evaluate. I probably would have gone with with Def Jux but, right as I was shopping my finished album, Dead Ringer (By RJD2) came out so I figured they were good with one instrumental act.
Initially, Mush was supposed to put out the album. They’re the whole reason I even made it in the first place. They were like “You ever though about making an instrumental album?” and I was like “Umm..no. But I’ll try.”
So, I made the album, thinking they were gonna put it out but I couldn’t get in touch with them. Like , literally, could not get in contact with them. No one was picking up the phone. So, my manager sent out the album to a bunch of indie electronic type labels (I don’t really recall which ones though). Warp got their hands on it and were considering it but ultimately passed cause it wasn’t the right fit for that label. They did , however, pass it along to Ninja Tune and that’s how it got picked up.

What’s the rap scene like on New York, these days? I met a touring artist at a show in Seattle, a couple if years ago, who was from NY, and he said no one likes underground in NY anymore. He said you have to come out west to get shine. I’m just wondering if there is any truth to that.

Thing about NYC is that there is no huge “Scene”. We have a few weekly parties that have been going for a while but, overall, there’s no major movement happening. Everyone is just kinda going at it alone. In a way, NYC has always been like that. I’ve always been in awe of places like the Bay area where a local artist would go gold without selling records anywhere but his hometown. Dudes like E-40. NYC never had guys like that or that kind of local support. Even in the golden era. Shit, Brand Nubian’s “All for one” was a huge album here but most people (myself included) bought the bootleg cassettes when it came out.
I definitely concur that underground rap is MUCH more popular out west. But, I’d also say that performing in general is more fun out west. NYC has never been a fun place for performing live shows. Unless you’re a big deal or “The next big thing” the crowds here are typically bored and the shows aren’t even that well attended. ESPECIALLY for indie rap dudes. I’m talking mid-level guys. Aesop and Atmosphere will always do well here.
That said, I think people here still do like underground shit, they just don’t leave their homes to go see it when it comes to town.

Why is your blog called Phat Friend? Who are your writing influences? Who is your number one favorite writer of all time? When are you going to make another MySpace blog?

“Phat friend” was always a funny name to me that I wanted to use in some capacity. I was sitting on it for a while thinking it could be a song title or the name of a side project but it was too silly. So, when I made this blog, it seemed like the perfect title.
As for writing influences and favorite writers, I’m not exaggerating when I say I don’t read. I truly find no enjoyment in reading books. I’ve done it before, I’m capable of it but the mixture of my short attention span and desire to be doing other things ruins most books for me. The only time I can even get into one is if I have no choice. Like if I’m on a place with no tv’s on them or in a foreign country. But, even then, it’s a time passer. I don’t really ever enjoy it. So, I have no influences with writing cause I’ve never gotten than immersed in any one writer. To me, books rate from “That was okay” to “I forget everything I just read the second I put it down”. When I do read, I tend to like Non-fiction though.
As for the glorious Myspace blog, I’m afraid this blog has over taken it. RIP Myspace blog.

Hypothetically, you’re a single man. Taylor Swift sets her praying mantis looking eyes on you and asks to go out. The media paints her as a little immature, insecure, yet into older guys (or dudes who are still legally children), basically a chick looking for Prince Charming. However, in real life, who the fuck knows what she’s like. So basically, you have the chance to go out with someone with tons of money and has banged John Mayer, Twilight boy, a Jonas brother, and probably a bunch of other people. She will definitely write a song about you, “Ode to Tony”, where either everything’s your fault or you’re a fucking king because you let her win at mini golf or some shit. She’s almost 6 foot tall so her vagina may or may not be smelly (according to your personal theories). Anyway, so would you go out on a date with TSwift? If nothing else, the media attention you’d receive would boost your fan base.

Let’s be real. She’s both not my type at all and she would probably vomit blood at the sight of me shirtless. Not exactly a good match but, for the sake of this question, we can ignore those realities.
So, IF I WAS SINGLE, I would most definitely go on a date with Taylor Swift.. Not for the fame aspect of it or setting sights on being her man but more so with hopes of simply hitting it. Just because. As much as she is like a blonde giraffe , who am I? I’ve certainly done worse than Taylor Swift when I was a single guy having sex with random girls. If anything, I’d do it just to see what kinda song she’d make about me. Knowing me, I wouldn’t give a shit and it would make for an amazing story. Unless she did a song about me having a small dick or erectile dysfunction (Lies! all lies!) I can’t see anything she would possibly write about me being an issue. One thing would be certain though, I would disappoint here on all levels as a “prince charming” candidate. I’m just not that guy. I might hold the door open for her but that’s about as far as my chivalry would go.
Also, there is a little part of me that’s curious about what sex with taylor swift might be like. While there’s no way it would be good, I would just wanna experience that for myself. Though, I can imagine it would be a whole bunch of “oww…not like that…don’t touch my hair. What are you doing with your hand? Are my tits too small? We should buy a dog together!”
Ughh…

Hey mang, so I was watching the Kubrick documentary Boxes that explained his meticulous detail for research and such. So, it made me start thinking about one of your answers to another question in this category of ‘answers to questions’ not too long ago, concerning a mans desire to collect things. That was what brought upon this question. Upon discussions and reading your comments on films (i recommend dogtooth by the way, on a weird narrative note), i know of your distaste toward year-end lists of films. but I was just wondering:

Block, What has been a favorite or even least favorite movie that you’ve had your mind on lately?

I haven’t seen a movie in a few months but the last one I saw was “Wolf of wallstreet” which I thought was highly entertaining. Since seeing that movie, I’ve had the displeasure of reading people on the internet look for any reason they can conjure to dislike that film. It’s the worst. From some faux moral outrage to knit picking pointless things , a good amount of people are actively trying to dislike that movie, ignoring how much fun it was. Anyone who’s used the word “irresponsible” when reviewing this movie, is missing the point completely.
Clearly, it’s flawed. Most movies are. But it’s a 3 hour movie that doesn’t really get too tedious or boring at any point. Amazing performances too. I saw “American hustle” as well but , the more I thought about the two, I preferred Wolf of Wallstreet.
As for movies I didn’t love…I watched “Insidious” on cable the other night. It wasn’t the worst but it just seemed like it was kinda cheap. It really flies of the rails at the end too. I greatly prefer “The conjouring” to it, even though a good deal of people have stated otherwise. As you can see…I’m not a film critic for a reason.

Dear Blockhead:

Is it just me or is LL Cool J the most prolific awards presenter of all time? Every time I click on the tv on a sunday night and an award show happens to be on, he is right there, presenting the next award. Am I imagining things?

I don’t know if he’s the most prolific award presenter but he’s definitely the most successful wax turtle in all of history.

Answers for questions vol. 173

quokka2
What’s up? Another week…more snow out here for us east coast folks. These new timberlands I got are getting some serious run and it’s all thanks to that cunt mother nature. Did I say cunt? I meant twat. She’s a real twat.
Anyway, this is that thing where you guy send me questions to answer. As you will see from today’s crop, they can literally be about anything. I accept all comers (pause).
If you’d like to ask me something, fire away. Either email it to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comment section below. Get creative. The better the questions, the better the answers.
And with that, let’s go…

You seem as though you have natural athletic abilities. Like you can pick up most sports quite quickly. Were there any sports your parents put you onto as a child that you just really sucked at? Do you think this has influenced the opinions that you have about sports in this day and age?

I’m one of those people who is decent at most sports but never great. I’m coordinated and have good hand eye but I’m also never the best in the room at anything. Growing up I played a little soccer, little league for like 8 years, tennis and tons of basketball. I wanted to play all these games so it was never a case of being forced to join by my parents.
I can’t say I’ve ever straight up sucked at any sport. I mean, I don’t Ice Skate so I’d clearly be shitty at hockey. I never got to play football much but, the few times I have, I was pretty good at it (for a beginner. I could catch a ball and run). Of the sports I played, Soccer was definitely my weak spot. Though,I’d say that had as much to do with my skill level as how much I truly hated the sport. I hated playing it and, to this day, I hate watching it. It bores the living shit out of me. So, sure, that influenced my taste of it but it’s kinda one of those “chicken and the egg” situations. Do I hate soccer cause I wasn’t great at it or was i not great at it cause I hate it? I suppose we’ll never know. But one thing is for certain, I’m not a fan of that game on any level.

If you were forced to legally change your name to something ridiculous, and use the name for all intents and purposes, which one of these would you choose? “Optimus Prime Jr.”, “Bruce Wayne AKA The Batman” or “Luke Skywalker III”

Well, “Blockhead” would be pretty ridiculous but I’d never do that. Shit, what aging hip hop guy doesn’t somewhat regret the alias they’ve chosen in their youth as they near their 40′s?
I think , of the three names given, I’d choose Luke Skywalker III. Not cause I’m a star wars buff (In fact, I don’t give a remote shit about the entire existence of that stuff) but cause, at least, I’d have a partially normal first name. People could call me “Luke” and it wouldn’t be embarrassing. The same could be said for “Bruce Wayne AKA The Batman” but I’m not trying to be know as “Bruce”. And , even if someone learned my whole name and was like “wait, you’re real name is Luke Skywalker III?!?!!” I could be like “yeah, I have this blog and people ask me questions. This one person asked me a random question about a hypothetical forced name changing and I chose this name…the next day, it was real…weird, right?”. It actually would make for a great conversation starter. Thanks!

Do you ever do the whole KNOCK ON WOOD aka TOUCH WOOD thing? It’s weird because I don’t consider myself to be a superstitious person at all otherwise, but I catch myself doing that in certain situations and I think most people I know occasionally do it too.

Yes! I’m in the exact same boat. I’m not superstitious as all but that one has hung around from childhood. I’ll even knock on no-wood shit which I hear is bad luck. But, on the bright side, knocking on anything is actually completely arbitrary so I think it’s all good. I also do this one where , on the first day of every month you say “Rabbit rabbit rabbit” and that’s supposed to bring you good luck. My mom taught me that one when I was a kid. I honestly think she might have made it up though. Sufficed to say, there have been many absolutely shitty months that I’ve started by saying that so I dunno how effective it is.

how picky are you about cleaning up noise from dirty samples? Your stuff sounds pretty clean most of the time, but some producers tend to leave in lots of vinyl noise. Does this even affect you anymore?

I’m only picky when I think it effects the quality of the beat. A little vinyl crackle can be awesome sounding. But if it’s so much that it makes the sound I’m using unclear, then I either try and use filters to fix it or throw it away. I’ve definitely had those sophie’s choice moments with a great sample that was just too muffled to use. That’s always a heart breaker.

Which subway station in Manhattan elicits the best or funniest memories to you? And which station do you hate the most?

Is there really a “best” subway station? I mean, they’re all just kinda there. Any fun I’ve had involving subways has generally been inside trains , not waiting for them. And even that “fun” was probably just me and friends joking around that could have occurred anywhere. So, there’s definitely no favorite train station. However, least favorite is easy…the 68th street stop off the 6 line. That was where I used to get off to go to high school. It was a mish mash of working folks, upper east side assholes, hunter college students, and kids from Julia Richman public high school. My school was a small private school down the block from Julia Richman and, obviously, they were not fond of us. We had a security guard with a loaded gun that stood outside the school all day. (Side note:he was a low life. with a gun. Around children.) But, the reason that train station will always be my least favorite was cause, one halloween, the Julia Richman Kids decided it would be fun to fill balloons with Nair and throw them at people. I dunno if you’ve ever seen someone get hit in the head with a nair balloon but it’s not what’s hot in the streets. Actually, correction…it’s literally hot. In your hair. It was like a mini vietnam in that train station. People running around in tears with nair burning their skin and hair. I got away from it clean (only a little got on my jacket) but I was lucky. That shit was a nightmare and I’ll forever think of that when I think of that train station.

Dear blockhead, after reading this blog for almost a year now I have only one question, where the fuck are the unicorns?

In your inner minds eye. And in bed with your mom.

How’s your fantasy basketball team doing this year?

This could not be a more timely question as I just suffered the worst loss of my fantasy ball career last week and , also , one that most people could care less about so I’ll keep it brief.
My team is the fucking worst. Yet, thanks to some lucky scheduling, I was in first place until this week. I drafted D. Rose as my first pick and he went down so that pretty much set the tone for my entire season. Currently, I have a team of under performing bums (beal, evan turner, batum, bosh, korver, brandon knight to name a few) who shoot like 35% on a good day. Without a doubt, in the 10 years I’ve been playing fantasy basketball, the worst team I’ve ever had by leaps and bounds. It’s truly soul crushing, considering how much time I put into it and how much I fucking love it. My team is basically the fantasy version of the Knicks.

Could you marry a girl who has had sex with one of your good friends? If not, could you even date her for that matter?

I feel like this question has come up a few times but I can’t recall if it was here or in real life. Anyway, my answer is sure. I don’t give a shit about a girls past. I’ve dated girls that have boned friends of mine and vice versa. It’s only a problem if you make it a problem. I don’t possess that insecure jealousy gene that makes men lose their minds over things like that. Shit happens. People be fuckin’. I only see it as a problem if that person seriously dated a friend. Then it’s crossing some boundaries. But just sex? Who cares. If you do you’re really just saying “I’m an insecure dip shit who also think every girl I like should be a virgin”. I understand that there’s the visual aspect of it, the curiosity about how it went down and the need to know what really happened but ,if you actually love a girl, that kinda stuff shouldn’t even phase you. I suppose , if the friend she fucked is still trying to be a scum bag and hit it or rub that fact in your face, that would be an issue too. But, i dunno…you got a friend like that you shouldn’t be friends with him anyway.
People need to stop being so hung up on sex and the things people did before them. I feel like it’s left over puritan bullshit from our ancestors that has found a way into existing centuries past when it should have faded away. So, basically, follow your heart, bros.

Moby leaves NYC and the world stops for us all

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You know, it’s been a great week for “Open letters”. That’s a code word for essays by famous people with something they feel the need to expose. I suppose, this could be considered an open letter if I was more famous. Instead, let’s just call it a blog post. That way we can strip away all the ideas of what I’m saying being even remotely important.
So, anyway, recording artist Moby recently wrote an article about how he left NYC for the sunnier side of things in L.A.
http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/feb/03/leave-new-york-for-los-angeles
He’s not the first or the last and , honestly, I don’t blame him. It’s a different lifestyle out there and I can certainly see how it might be more suitable for all sorts of people. The thing is, Moby felt necessary to write an open letter explaining his move , as if any of us give a shit where Moby lives. Now , before I get into this let me share a few things about my history with Moby.
1)I do not know him (Pretty sure we are eskimo bothers though)
2)I like that tea he makes
3)I’ve never been a fan of his music.
4)When I was in my early 20′s, I saw him at a weekly party I used to go to and drunkly tried to start a “Fuck Moby” chant. That was my bad. I was drunk and young.
5)My song “Carnivores unite” is based on him. Well, not him so much. When I made the track, I jokingly felt it sounded like a Moby song, so I called it that as an answer to it ever being mistaken for one. Cause, you know, he’s a vegan and shit.

That’s it.
After reading this article I learned a few things about Moby I didn’t know.
1)He’s was born in NYC. No shit! This surprised me so I wiki’d him to read more.
What he didn’t mention was how didn’t grow up there. So, in a way, that kinda makes him one of those “Oh, I’m from NYC cause I came out of my moms vagina in a hospital that was located in NYC”. When, in reality, he’s actually grew up in Connecticut. Nothing wrong with growing up in Connecticut, it’s just even mentioning he was born in NYC is misleading…as if that makes his move to L.A. even more valid and heart wrenching..
2)He apparently lived in the play “Rent” in the early 80′s. In fact, he might have lived on the same block my sister lived on during that same period of time. It was indeed a mess…trannies and heroin everywhere. The good old days.
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Now, here’s the thing, none of the complaints that Moby is talking about are wrong. It’s all well worn territory. Yes, NYC is too expensive. Yes, it’s competitive. Yes, it’s landscape has changed greatly. Even the most blindly loyal NYC person can’t front on those things. Hell, a friend tagged me in this pic on facebook of 14th st and 7th avenue from the 70′s and I almost shed a single tear.
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Look how awesome that was. But you know what? I wasn’t even alive when that existed. I was alive in the NYC in the 80′s though. And, without question, NYC was better then. Of course it was! All old things are better. This is all “fact” that has been rehashed over and over again. So, for that point, I could never argue with Mobe-dawg. Granted, he’s an extremely successful musician who can afford to live anywhere. His old crib was in Little Italy and , I’m told, it had an elevator in it. Not in his building…in his apartment. The point of that is , dude is rich. That’s even crazier considering I can’t remember the last time he put out music. If I recall, after he made himself famous by making slave hymns danceable , he started singing a little and people stopped caring. I could be wrong but that was my outsiders perspective. Whatever the case, he’s not hard up for money. So, this move clearly isn’t about that (as much as he does harp on the price of living). No, this move is about how NYC effects creativity. His whole reason for leaving is cause , with how NYC is now, he can’t be the kind of creative he needs to be. NYC doesn’t allow you to fail, is something he harps on. But you know what? I’m okay with that. While I think that’s a fairly black and white way to look at it, it’s true that this city has been known to chew people up and spit them out. That’s kinda the point. Not everyone is supposed to be able to make it here. Even Frank Sinatra knew that. But, let’s remember, this is Moby talking. A person who has not failed. But what about his creative friends?!?! They live in deep dark brooklyn and that’s just not okay with him.Again, keep in mind, this is a rich person talking who can afford an elevator inside his apartment and the best music studios the city has to offer. He’s not stuffed in a 200 square foot apartment with two roommates, banging away on his acoustic guitar , recording on a four track while the sound of firetrucks blare in the distance.

I spend a lot of time trying to demystify the musical process. When people get all wishy washy about some vague “inspiration” they require or they feel a room needs candles and incense , I call bullshit. However, I’m me. I don’t need that shit. Maybe others do. So, it’s really not my place to tell another person how to feel or what gets their engine revving, creatively. A change of scenery can be refreshing, without question. Personally, I find I’m at my most creative when I return to NYC after beign away from it for a while. I don’t doubt that Moby will go to L.A., live in some huge house in the hills and toil away in a home studio he built making music he really loves. I get that. But, if that’s the goal, just go do it. Move to L.A. and get those creative juices flowing. Shitting on NYC with the same complaints people have had since the late 90′s isn’t doing anything. I think the thing that has always annoyed me about Moby is that, while he’s an intelligent and talented guy, he’s also kind of a pussy about everything. He’s always been the poster child for people who get offended easily. That mind set and being in NYC never really clicked with me. It’s almost as if he was destined to be out west where things are slowed down, more free spirited and less aggressive. That makes total sense. As much as he loves/loved NYC, perhaps it was never for him. Too rough around the edges for a man of his sensitivity. And, like I’ve said, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. The same way I might have a panic attack if you dropped me in a forest somewhere, NYC is 100% not for everyone. Perhaps Moby lived here so long cause he was based on the east coast and just assumed that that’s where creative people go? When, in actuality, he was a west coaster in his heart the entire time. I say this cause, while I agree with his issues with the city, it’s never gotten to me (Or most people I know who are from here). It’s just some things we accept in exchange for all the awesome parts of living here. The good and the bad. Maybe , in three years, Moby will move back east and write a 2000 word essay on how much he can’t handle traffic and how fake everyone is in the L.A. music scene. I suppose we’ll have to wait with baited breath for that one.
In reality, I think he just got bummed out because of this terrible winter we’re having. It’s been cold as fuck. Who doesn’t want to be in 80 degree weather right now? Well…actually…maybe no Moby cause I feel like with his fair skin he might just burst into flames in that dry so-cal heat.
So, to Moby, I say, Bon Voyage, I’m not mad at you or bitter (i don’t know you, how could i be?)…I just think you’re corny. That said, if more people took it upon themselves to reevaluate if they belong in this city, then left this city, it would undoubtedly be a better place. So, hey everyone, listen to Moby! NYC is dead! Leave as soon as possible. The rest of us stuck here will be forced to deal with it. Oh well. Someone’s gotta do it, right?

Answers for questions vol. 172

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Hey there. Man, what a super bowl! It was like…you know…really good wings. Some chili too. The super bowl is delicious.
Anyway, this is that thing where you send me questions about anything and I answer them. The sillier or more zany, the better. If you would like to join the fun, please do!
Send me questions to phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comment section below. Be creative. I’m on volume 172 , so you can imagine that a lot has been covered.
So, without further ado, let’s get in to this weeks batch…

Often times when I see rappers have beefs, it feels like they’re just starting shit just to start shit. Given that you’ve been at a much closer proximity to hip-hop over your life and have probably seen these beefs unfold, what do you think is the main reason rappers get pissy at each other?

I’d venture to say there are 4 main types of beefs in rap.
1)Real beef
This is where some shit goes down that’s personal and the two people actually don’t like each other. It may result in a song about a person but it , more than likely, will lead to some subliminal disses and actual violence. I feel like people with actual “I hate this motherfucker” levels of beef don’t even always bother keeping it on record cause it’s too real. Like Tupac fucking biggies wife…that’s real.

Biggie wouldn’t even make a diss song about him. But, in general, most of the beefs in this category are unknown to the general public.
2)Fake beef
This is like what Kanye and 50 cent had a while back. It was 100% done for promotional reasons and meant nothing. Even something like the Nas/Jay-z beef , which got pretty real at times, could be classified as this cause, in the end, they ended up being buddies and it helped both of their national exposure.

3)Subtle disses that turn into endless back and forths
This is when, yes, a guy disses another guy. It’s maybe one line and he only does it cause he doesn’t care. Like when 3rd Bass dissed vanilla ice or Tim Dog dissed everyone on earth. It’s more the shot gun method of dissing cause it’s not meant to really land in one place. It leads to response track after response track but it’s never that serious.
4)Perceived beef
This makes up about 95% of beefs in rap. some dude says something on a song, another dude things it’s about him, gets offended and makes an answer track. Like all the morons who got mad at Kendrick lamar for “dissing ny” when , in reality, anyone with half a brain could clearly see that’s not what he meant.

Still, every rapper within 25 miles of NYC felt the need to respond. A lot of times, it’s just a dude trying to make a name for himself that’s looking for an excuse but sometimes the rappers are actually just dumb and overly sensitive. Newflash: Lots of rappers are dumb and overly sensitive.

If you reach a point where you have to get a job to support yourself and there’s quite literally 0 demand for your music, will you continue to make it?

To put it another way: could you ever stop? Would you do it just to do it?

I ask because some artists talk about how it’s just what they do and they could never stop the flow of creativity… but you’re all about demystifying all that stuff, so seeing a more down-to-earth explanation as to why you’d do it otherwise (if you would at all) would be neat.

Hmm…that’s tough. I’ve been making music so long now with the expectation of people hearing it when I’m done that I don’t know if i’d be inspired to keep going if I was doing it for no one. I mean, I’ve been doing this for 20 years now. The first 5 or 6 years were the years I made music for very few ears to hear. But I was also learning how to do it so the process was so different.
I feel like, if that time comes, I’d probably take a lot of time off, miss it and come back to it down the line. But, even then, I’d be way less prolific. I’m driven by reason. Without a reason to create it, I can’t see the fire burning that long. It would be like 50 year old dads who are still chasing the dream of being in that rock band by playing in their garage with a bunch of other dads. At some point, you gotta just accept reality and move on from your unfulfilled dreams. Thing is, I’m the type of person who needs some sort of creative outlet. If it’s not music, it’s writing, if it’s not writing, it’s…I have no idea. But, regardless, no matter what place I’m at in life, I’ll need that. So , I’d imagine, unless making music got taken over by some other obsession, I’d have to still do it on some level.

Have you given much thought to the whole life on MARS thing? 24 in total will be on the mission, I believe. (Sorry if this subject has become overkill by the time you answer it!) Spout off on any opinions that come to mind…for ideas only – what kind of person
signs up for something like this? Do you think a lot of ppl will pull out at the last minute? If
they survive upon arrival, do you think the social dynamics of the whole thing will be like survivor/real world times a billion? etc.

Funny you should ask cause I’ve literally never given life on mars even the most fleeting , passing thought. It’s one of those “Lemme know when it’s a reality” type things. until then, it’s just an idea and one that could not matter less to me.
As for what kind of person would sign up for that? I dunno…an adventurous person , who loves science/space and has no friends or family they care enough about to stay on earth for. You know, a real Sandra Bulluck in “Gravity” type.
If this ever does happen, I’d imagine the entire purpose of such a trip would to be eventually create a reality show based on it. I’m sure it would start with actual astronauts but that would get boring quickly. They’d have to ramp it up. Real World:Mars might be a good start. Take 7 drunken assholes with emotional problems and put them in zero gravity. Eventually, down the line, we might get “The real space wives of Mars”. That’s an alternate title cause I don’t think “Spoiled, entitled cunts in space” would fly over at Bravo.

Did you think the butt cleavage short-shorts trend was excessive this past summer? As a guy (I’m a girl) were you down with it as long as the girls looked good in them or did it make you feel slightly old and uncomfortable, as it did for me? Just trying to think outside the frigid winter box here!

Butt cleavage was a thing this summer? how did I miss that? The only time I recall that being popular was the glorious low rise jeans fad of the early 2000′s. Between that, girls showing off their hip bones and bare midriffs, it was hard (penis wise) to be a man during that time. It was sensory overload…and I fucking loved it.
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Sure, technically, it was corny…but I’m a guy and what’s corny to other girls could not mean less to me. I mean, shit…you guys care about things like purses and necklaces and I’ve literally never noticed either of those things on anyone.
Granted, you’re always gonna have the girls who shouldn’t be wearing those kinda cloths that give them a bad name but, for the most part, it was awesome. Nowadays, this whole high waisted pants thing with girls is a real bummer.
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It’s as if you guys are doing it just to disappoint men. Even a really fit girl looks like she has a gut in this pants. It’s not flattering to ANYONE. I get that it “makes your legs longer” but still…I swear…girls and their fashion. I’ll never understand it.

We aspire to make this world more symmetrical. Case in point: Everything we build…and I believe that there’s almost something post-organic about technology…do we hail from aliens?

“We” don’t but you might.

Do you ever notice or pay attention to the music they play in the stadium during NBA games? Any thoughts?

I mean, it’s just music played to hype up the lowest common denominator. Where else are the guys who made “Cotton eye joe” gonna earn their royalties from?

I’ve honestly evolved the ability to drown out background music. I hear it but I don’t really hear it. It comes from a decade of going to this thursday night 80′s dance party at this place called Don Hills. I went for so long from age 18 to about 30 (it was the best weekly party ever) that I knew the DJ’s set list by heart and would just blank it out. I don’t even dislike 80′s music. I grew up on it. But , after a while, it all become white noise to me. Thanks to that, I’m able to do that with most types of music when it’s playing loud. At clubs, sporting events or even at shows I’m playing at (opening acts and such). It’s really handy.

Few days ago I was talking with an old dear high school female friend (we’re both 21 years old now). At a certain point she told me she saw in a disco an old friend of mine making out with this girl that fucked maybe the same number of guys of a pornstar. She (my friend) pointed at that like a disgusting thing because this girl smelled, was dirty, fucked in general lot of guys ecc… Now, I think this type of girls deserves to be fucked in all the ways ONLY for pure entertainement, ABSOLUTELY NOT serious relationship things. What’s your opinion on this kind of shit?

The european-ness of this english is priceless.
Also, LOL at having a “dear old friend” and you both being 21.
Anyway, this isn’t the easiest thing to translate so let me try and clarify…
Your friend saw some guy you know making out with the town slut. You friend was appalled but you were more like “Eh, whores gonna whore…”.
Well, over here at Phat Friend, I’m not about slut shaming. In fact, as long as the girl is doing it for the “right” reasons (she wants to and she enjoys sex on a real level) then I see no problem with it (safe sex yall!). However, if that girl is doing these things cause of other issues or reasons that have nothing to do with sex (she’s lonely, she was abused, she’s insecure) then it’s an problem.
Also, I find it funny how other girls love to throw words like “dirty” and “Smelly” at promiscuous girls. As someone who has slept with a few girls that might be considered this, I gotta say, they’re generally clean and smelled great. Probably cause they took a lot of showers and had a fully realized “clean up” ritual that a lot of less sexually adventurous girls might not be up on. Some of the stinkiest girls I ever hooked up with were the ones who WEREN’T slutty. I suppose, the less you use it, the less maintenance you think it requires? Who knows. I have a penis.

Saw you with emancipator back in Boulder in 2011. It was a rad show, your sounds compliment each other well. Since you’re on tour with him now, I gotta ask – what’s it like touring with him?

Doug (Emancipator) is legit one of the sweetest guys ever. That makes him sound like a girl but, for real, he’s just such a nice, chill guy. Ilya too (he plays violin with him). I love touring with those guys cause , aside from them being low key, easy going guys, they tend to surround themselves with like minded people. There’s never any drama. Although, the last time I saw him , he got me for like $60 bucks in C-lo in like 5 minutes. I will have my revenge. YOU HEAR THAT, MOTHERFUCKER!!! I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!!!!!

Answers for questions vol. 172

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Whattup. Still freezing? Me too. How bout those grammy’s though? I saw an hour of it and wanted to throw my tv out the window but peace to Daft Punk for not only winning but probably sweating five gallons in those helmets the whole night.
Anyway, this is where you send me questions and I answer them. Most everything is in play here. I’m not shy. So, if you’d like to join the fun and ask me stuff, either leave questions in the comment section below or email them to me at Phatfriendblog@gmail.com.
Both work equally well and they’re both anonymous. Feel free to get weird.
Let’s get into this weeks batch, biatch.

Any advice for beginning bloggers? Do you read any other blogs? Do you recommend using your real name or a pseudonym?

Oh I have no idea. I literally began this one for fun and as an outlet to talk shit. It’s not even very successful so I dunno if any advice I have to give would be beneficial. I will say that having a blog and keeping up with it is actually work. You gotta do actually be willing to commit time if you want it to be more than just one post a month. In fact, being obsessive over it is the only way it’ll ever get legs.
As for other blogs, I read Kid Mero’s blog “Victory light” and I check a few pop culture related gossip type blogs like wwtdd.com cause they can be funny/give me shit to rant about. Mostly, I kinda just catch stuff when I catch it. I’m pretty lazy when it comes to reading in general so , if I know something isn’t getting posted every day, I probably will check it with less frequency.
As for using a real name or pseudonym, i guess it depends who you are and what you’re writing. I would have used my own name on this if I wasn’t already know by my music name. As far as I know, writing on the internet isn’t like rapping. You can use your real name and it’s totally normal. Unless, of course, you plan on saying salacious shit and you don’t want anyone knowing who you are, then a fake name works. Also, you’re then an internet coward but , hey, aren’t we all?

Have you ever had a threesome and do you think they are common? I’ve had a few, but they never played out as sexy as what you see in porn (surprise, surprise), but they were fun none the less. The idea of a threesome seems so be a fantasy for most guys, though. I generally think that humans are pretty dirty and, therefor, threesomes probably aren’t THAT uncommon. I’m a chick though, so in all of our girly magazines they say that threesomes never happen, ruin relationships, ruin friendships, etc. That never happened for me, at least, and I generally think women’s magazines are bullshit. So, as a dude, have you had a threesome and how was it? And how common do you think they are?

Yes I have and wrote about it a long time ago. Here’s that:
http://phatfriend.com/2010/03/29/three-the-hardish-way/

Now do I think they’re common? I suppose that depends on your definition of common. I’d say , in certain groups, they’re common but to others they mights as well be a unicorn. I have friends who have had tons of them and I have friends who can’t even fathom how they would pop off. In my case, I was in the right place at the right time. In general, I don’t live in that “Threesomes on the regular” world. I also didn’t go to college for more than a year so maybe I missed out on a whole new world of sexual exploration.
I’ve heard dudes talk about how they used to double team girls all the time and how it was the preferred sexual dynamic…which, to me, is fucking weird cause I feel like, if given the choice, I’ll always pick “Me and a girl” over “Me, a girl, and my bro holding his hard dick”. I suppose it takes a certain kinda guy to be into that. Not saying their gay or anything but I do think guys who like to fuck girls with their homeboys are , at the very least, creeps who look at girls a breathing joy dolls. I mean, shit, camaraderie with your boy is one thing but…CUMaraderie? Why? But I digress…Basically, as a girl, threesomes are gonna be as common as you want them to be. If you got a homegirl who’s into doing that shit, you will have no trouble finding a guy to be the centerpiece to that party. If you like having two guys at once, same thing. There are always gonna be willing participants when it comes to putting dicks in vaginas.

Are there any words you hear English speakers using (because they’re trying to sound fancy) that make you giggle? For example, “vodka” as “whudka” comes to my mind, but I’m sure there are others (not talking about people who actually speak more than one language in this case).

The only clear example of this I can think of I when some clearly white person feels the need to pronounce mexican food with a thick ass accent in the midst of an otherwise english spoken sentence. Like I don’t need to hear anyone named Becky pronounce the “tilde” in the word Tamale (I don’t know how to type the actual “tilde” in there). It just sounds ridiculous when anyone is speaking normal english then goes out of their way to jazz up foreign word pronunciations. It happens the most with italians. The soprano’s got assholes pronouncing Mozzarella like “Mutzarell” when , in reality, any real italian would laugh in your face if you ever said it that way.
I feel , as dumb americans, we need to just embrace how we say the names of foreign food. You don’t need to build a wall of phlegm in your mouth just to say “Croissant”. Just pronounce it how it’s spelled. sure, it’s the wrong way to say it but you’re in america with a bunch of other dumb americans. No one here cares and no one will think you’re a worldly traveler just cause you can correctly roll your r’s when ordering at taco bell.

As an artist/musician, do you have a team? Like do you have a manager? accountant? lawyer? label rep? etc.

I have a manager, who I’ve had since I started. He’s the best and makes my life easier on every level. I also have a few booking agents for shows(One for the US and one for europe). I have an accountant but that I got through my family and has no connection to the music people whatsoever. I think I have a lawyer…but i’ve never needed him outside of contractual stuff so my interaction with him is rare and generally via my manager. My manager basically deals with anyone at any label so, while they do exist, I don’t interact with them much. That’s the thing about having a manager when you do music. It’s their job to handle the business side of this shit show. I make music. Therefor, I’m a fucking moron when it comes to pretty much everything else that goes with making music that isn’t actually creating the music itself. A Manager is your buffer. They’re also there to be the bad cop when you don’t wanna deal with things. I can’t stress to artists their importance. They aren’t cheap but , if they’re good, they’re worth every penny.

Being a steady porn lover, I have developed a couple of things that I dont like while enjoying my favourite pastime.
What I mean is, for example; I can never be eating anything whilst watching porn, i’d gag,especially eggs.
Can you think of anything?Any OCD while you are trying to get your porn on?

Umm…yeah..i don’t like eating when I watch porn either. Who does that? I watch porn ONLY when I jerk off. So, it’s not like I’m juggling responsibilities when it’s on. Time has been set aside to , i dunno, put down the egg and cheese sandwich and enjoy some me time.
At worst, I’ll be texting with someone and just have to do some left handed texting with extra curt responses. In fact, the only time I really use smily faces in texting is when I’m jerking off. It’s a time saver.

Blockhead-San,

How much of your inspiration do you think comes from your environment? Not just the city you live in but the actual neighborhood itself. I’m an artist and for years I’ve been wanting to get to a more urban, high foot-traffic and artsy fartsy kind of area of my city. However the apartments there tend to be either too expensive or run down studios in bad areas with horrible insulation resulting in sky-high utility bills. I say this because whenever I’m in an area where there’s tea shops, festivals in the summer time, art galleries, interesting restaurants and niche places and the like, I feel inspired and want to do more creatively.

My guess is that it reminds me of when I was in college and the energy was alive with people acting on or crafting their purpose in life. There was always a project to work on or a new technique to research. Over the years after graduation that fire went to a little spark, which fizzled down to a tiny ember that’s barely here as the result of moving back to the suburbs and abeing separated from a more ‘electric’ atmosphere. Couple that with the fact that I’ve only had one job (for two months mind you) in my field of video game development and it has me feeling like I’m at a stale-mate. I can only imagine the creative flow in New York and now exciting that may be.

My true question is do you think you would be either the same kind of musician (if one at all) if you didn’t grow up in the melting pot that is Manhattan? And do you think someone that’s hit an artistic wall could really benefit from moving into an area of town that they thought had more to offer as far as stimulation?

That’s hard to say. I don’t know what my creative output would have been if I grew up elsewhere. There are so many factors that play into me making music that, if you remove one of them, I could have easily never gotten into this profession at all.
I do think a vibrant city does inspire people to work.But more in the sense of you see all the movement around you and realize you need to keep up. I definitely tend to get a rush of creativity whenever I return to new york after being away for a while. But, that might also just me being happy to be home.
That said, at least in respect to what i do, I’m not a huge believer in tangible “inspiration”. I sample things, therefor, those samples often dictate the direction a song goes. It’s not from me walking around the busy NYC streets and observing the humanity around me. If inspiration means the little flame that gets lit under your ass that causes you to be creative, than maybe your environment makes a big difference. But if you mean what actually inspires the sounds? That’s all in your head. Ideas pop up from anywhere. Sure, being in a city where things are whizzing by your head all day can definitely spark ideas but so can toiling away on the internet all day. It really just depends what you’re looking for and where you draw your own inspiration from.
I find that, when it’s cold out, I end up making more beats cause I don’t wanna leave my house. While, in the spring time, I’m not as productive. So, most of the time, I’m as inspired as my options. There are exceptions when I’ll just be in bed and hear something in my head that I want to execute musically…then do it. But , mostly, I have a very go with flow mentality about making music.

Being that you are from New York, what’s your favorite TV show or film that takes place there? Taxi Driver is pretty damn good. What’s your favorite Law & Order: SVU episode?

I’ve never watched a nano-second of any law and order or SVU type shows. Dunno why, I just haven’t. I think I have something inside me that says “Don’t watch dramas on major networks”.
My favorite Tv show in NYC? Probably Seinfeld or the Cosby show. Both existed in a fantasy version of the city but they both were awesome. Seinfeld , in particular, captured a lot of amazing nuances about the city.Granted, it was an upper west side and very white jewish version but that’s as real as anyone else’s.
As for movies, there is a difference between my favorite movies that happen to take place in NYC and movies that I felt nailed how it was/is to live in NYC. Like “Kids” isn’t the best NYC movie by a long shot but that movie nailed being a teenager in the 90s , downtown. Like, that was literally shit I used to do (minus the raping and AIDS). Even that movie “The Wackness” captured parts of the city that resonated deeply with me.
But those two movies aren’t remotely close to the “best” NYC movies.Taxi Driver is up there. The Mean Streets. The pope of greenwich village has a special place in my heart (even though it’s pretty flawed). To be honest, so many movies have been made here it’s hard to even begin to wrap my head around picking one.