Hey guys, it’s been a while since I fucked, married or killed. No time better than now. Thanks to all of those who submitted the other day. I sued a few of them here and plan on using more in later editions. Anyway, I’ve bought back the “Kill style” thing, where I explain how I’d kill the people…cause you guys wanted it. You guys are fucked up.
Oh and , as always, this is all jokes. Don’t get mad/offended or whatever. While I am answering as honestly as I can, I don’t actually want to marry or kill any of these people. I do wanna a fuck a few of them though…anyway, on with it.

F/M/K:Lisa bonet, Christina ricci, Rosie perez
Now there are two ways to look at this one. It could be referring to these girls in their prime or referring to them right now. Because it’ll make it harder, I’m opting to to pick from the “prime” years.

Marry: Christina Ricci

She actually lives near me so I see her walking around every now and then. First off, she’s unbelievably tiny. She’s also one of those rare cases where a girl actually has gotten hotter as she’s gotten older. In my mind, she peaked in the “black Snake Moan” era. In person, she is very cute (if not off putting-ly small). I think I choose to marry her cause she seems like the least crazy of these three. I’m a fan of sane women and , in a case where all three are very fuckable, sometimes the small details prevail.

Fuck: Rosie Perez

rosie is the least attractive (in the face) of the three women here. But, if you ask any dude who grew up in NY in the 90′s and she has a very special place in our hearts. She was the quintessential puerto rican girl for all dorky white dudes. She was loud, intimidating and way sexier than any of us could imagine to handle as a teenager. She also reminded me of girls from my high school that I always longed for that would audibly guffaw at the idea ever letting my penis anywhere near them. So, for these reasons, I’m taking “White man can’t jump” era Rosie to bed. I’d still be a little intimidated though.
This is a case of sexiness going a long way. And she scared the sperm out of me when I was a teen.

Kill: Lisa Bonet

This pains me to do cause she has one of my all time favorite faces. She’s almost so pretty that it makes me uncomfortable. But the thing about Bonet is that, while she was stunningly beautiful, she never was that sexy to me. She kinda had a boys body and, worse of all, she seemed like a hippie. I can’t play that hippie shit for long periods of time so marriage would be out. At least in this situation.

Kill style: So, i’m afraid i’d have to kill “Angel heart” era Lisa bonet the way only “Angel heart” era lisa bonet would want to go…Voodoo.

F/M/K:sketch comedy shows:
Monty Python’s Flying Circus/Saturday Night Live/Mad TV

Kill: Mad TV

I mean, is it even a question? Mad TV is “In Living Color” for midwesterners. They had a few decent cast members over the years but the eye rolls always out weighed the laughs, in my opinion. Still, it was way better than that horrible ass “Lyricist Lounge show” that MTV used to run. Regardless, I’d kill Mad TV with the quickness.

Kill style: I’d probably just turn off the tv (or change the channel).

Marry: SNL

Listen, this is just what I came up watching. It’s been around as long as I can remember and , even when it’s been through rough patches, I’ve always found something good about it. In a way, it is very much like how I imagine a wife being like. It’s not perfect but you accept it faults as, ultimately , it’s a good thing that you can rely on. Sure, this wife may have whole seasons of shitty one notes jokes but what about the will ferrel years? Or Phil hartman? Those two examples alone would make me never question my vows.

Fuck: Monty Python’s Flying Circus

As I’m not a total nerd, I don’t out and out love Monty Python. While I realize they’re groundbreaking and often have been hilarious, it’s both a hair before my time and a little too british for my taste. That said, they’ve done plenty of amazing shit that I do ,in fact , like. So, I’d fuck’em. Once…or twice. I wouldn’t want to live a life with them but the occasional drop in would always be received with open arms.

F/M/K:Angela Lansbury, Kathy Bates, Sara Gilbert
I hate whoever sent me this one.

Kill: Kathy Bates

This was no easy choice. In a pool of obvious kills, who is the most deserving? Well, maybe “deserving” isn’t the right word. “Who’s the grossest?” might be a better way to look at is. And , well, bates is the grossest. unlike landsbury, she was never hot. And unlike gilbert, she’s like 70 years old. So, I’m afraid I’d have to put her out of her MISERY. Get it? Hiyoooooooooooooo!!!!!

Kill style: I’d kidnap her, tie her to a bed and make her write a book for me. Then I’d make her eat that book. This wouldn’t kill her but I’d make that her only food so she’d eventually starve to death.

Fuck: Sara Gilbert

Listen, I don’t wanna be there any more than she does. We can both close our eyes and pretend to be fucking hotter women. But, she’s the youngest of the group by far and , therefore, the most eligible to me. Sure, she looks like the puppet Madam crossed with a softball catcher but, whatever…give me shit choices and I’m forced to make shit decisions.

Marry: Angela Lansbury

See what I did there? ^^^^^^
Why marry her? Cause she’s the oldest and would die the quickest. Yup. That’s fucked up, right? I have no other reason beyond that. It might be a plus that her vagina has probably been dormant since the 60′s so that would be off the table. Maybe she’s good at baking? I feel like most 80 year olds can bake some shit half decently. Man, I hope she can bake…

F/M/K:Topanga, Blossom, Kimmie Gibbler

Fuck:Kimmie Gibbler

I don’t really wanna fuck her at all but these options leave me no choice. Kimmie Gibbler was MAD annoying but maybe putting a penis in her would calm her down. Like, you know how weed works for hyper active people and makes them almost normal? Maybe a fucking would do that for Kimmie Gibbler. I can only hope it would.

Marry: Topanga

The no-brainer of no-brainers. Topanga was where I think my generation got its appreciation for thick girls. She was a pretty faced jewess with an unconventional full body (for a tv show about white kids at least) that bordered on “Too thick” but was just enough on the right side of things to make every 14 year old boy go nuts. Also, she dated the boy meets world herb (on the show at least) so you know her standards are all sorts of low. Wait, did she date him? I don’t remember. Who cares.

Kill: Blossom

Blossom’s existence as a show always baffled me. She was a busted, uninteresting and a fairly annoying 15 year old girl. I guess there was a “She’s every teenaged girl” vibe there but still, she sucked. I wanted to kill blossom before I even played this game so it’s fitting that i get the hypothetical chance now.

Kill style: Buried alive in floral patterned fisherman’s hats.

F/M/K: Sarah Palin/Anne Romney/Kim Kardashian

Fuck: Sarah Palin

Hey, she’s an attractive older woman and she someone I loath. Why would I not want to hate fuck her? As much as killing her might be the just thing to do, I just can’t bring myself to fuck Anne Romney. She’s mormon. Don’t they fuck with underwear on or some shit? Weird. I also have a feeling that Palin is actually a fun hoe in the bedroom. After all, she fucked former NBA player Glen Rice. How lame could she be?

Marry: Kim Kardashian

This would be a quick marriage. She’s a truly awful person. Like so bad that her breath stinks from her soul rejecting her personality. That said, regardless of what you (IE: Every girl alive) might think, she’s still pretty hot. She’s fake and wears way too much make up but compared to the other two options, she’s mrs. fucking universe. So, the plan here would be to marry her, have as much sex with her as i can until the inevitable blow up and divorce. Not to mention, I feel like there would be lots of money in it for me. Tv shows, a book deal…It might be a good look.

Kill: Anne Romney

I got nothing against this woman except that she’s married to a piece of shit. It’s par for the course when it comes to politicians wives. But I don’t want to fuck her and i don’t want to marry her…So that leaves me with one alternative. I’d definitely wait till after the election though cause I feel like a widower might win on some pity vote shit.

Kill style: I’d make her watch Christopher Hitchens youtube clips discussing religion until she took her own life out of sheer frustration.

This week, Alaska and I discuss the new batman, breaking bad and a bunch of old women. Not a single hot one in the bunch so my hand has been forced with the title pic…Comic-con sluts. It’s all your fault America.

http://www.syffal.com/dark-knight-rises-breaking-bad

Whattup. Back again for the first time but really for the 88th time. The questions keep coming…so I keep answering. If you got more, send them my way. The weirder the better.
Leave them in the comments below or email me them at phatfriendblog@gmail.com
Okay? okay.

how the hell are you supposed to stay cool in NYC in the summer? if
you don’t have a car you can’t just simply blast the A.C. and keep it
moving. when you’re out and about you can duck into stores or whatever
and cool off for a minute. but after waiting on the subway platform
for more than 3 minutes its officially game over for not stinking and
having a dry shirt.

It gets pretty brutal here. As a person who sweats a fair amount, I can tell you that july and august in NYC is not the place to be. Many cold showers get taken and not because I’m horny. What I do to avoid the heat is stay inside and blast the air conditioning. Unfortunately, so does everyone else which often leads to blackouts in the city.
Other than that, wear shorts , go to places that have AC. Basically, just do the same thing you would anywhere else it’s hot.

Referencing “bad bitches” is so tired, so ubiquitous, I flinch when I hear otherwise great lyricists say it. What’re the hackiest phrases in hip hop right now?

“Swag” has got to be the most overused phrase right now. When I hear an adult use it (someone who’s my age, not a 22 year old adult) it sends douche chills down my spine. You know “swag” has gotten bad cause pretty soon it’s gonna start popping up in movies and a scene(s) will happen where an elderly person accidentally gets high or something and says “That’s shit is swag!”. Puffy’s old ass saying it without irony was one nail in the coffin. That movie situation will be the final nail (much like it was with Snoop dogg’s “for shizzle dizzle” talk)
I think what I like least about “swag” is that it’s lazy and can apply to anything. I’ve literally seen homeless men refer to their own swag. It’s attitude, it’s a walk, it’s clothing, it’s everything and yet it’s nothing. Fuck that dumb ass word.

your thumb gets ripped off in some terrible accident – it’s gone or so mangled it’s unusable.
but you have the option of replacing it with your big toe, or just leaving it be.
toe thumb or no thumb?

I feel like replacing it with my big toe would only lead to me having no big toe and barely functional thumb. I think I’d just leave it be. As important as a thumb is, being able to walk is more important.
One plus about losing my thumbs is that I could say i did it in protest of Mac Miller’s “Thumbs up” initiative.

I’m an MC (but who isn’t these days?) and I’ve been driven to wanting to produce my own beats. There’s too much garbage, too much drama, and too many people too unbelievably full of themselves to really build up any sort of relationship with at this point. Coming to mind is the local guy – a total unknown – who demanded $1000 to delete a pre-recorded hook in a beat he put out on a mixtape for people to rap over. “Yeah, I still have the files in Reason, but I’m gonna need you to fill out the paperwork and buy exclusive rights to the track before I do anything to it.” That kind of behavior sort of drove me back to the belief of “if you want something done right, do it yourself.”
That said, I have no idea where to start. I’m a pretty competent musician – I can play piano, bass, and guitar proficiently – and I’m not a bad songwriter in most rock genres. I’m also generally surrounded by talented musicians… but… I just have no idea how so much of this crap works. I guess the second part of that is live performance – what’s supposed to happen if you’ve already got your backing tracks and you’re doing a show? Hire some dude with a laptop to stand behind you and play them?
I wish I could just go and see that kind of thing in action, but the hip hop scene in Atlanta is garbage unless you’re some fat dude who screams “swag” over cut-rate dubstep at a club full of greasy teenagers.

Kinda confused as to what your question it, bro. Should you make your own beats? Uh…sure. Why not? I’d say you’re jumping ahead though already thinking about the performance aspect. Make some songs people actually like first. What you do on stage doesn’t matter if there is no one watching you do it. I will say this though, at your level, paying people to do things seems pointless. You shouldn’t have to pay anyone for beats yet. Those people trying to charge are most likely hacks and grifters. Paying for music happens when you can actually make a profit off music and that’s not happening anytime soon. Just find likeminded folks who are down to play some shit. You say you know musicians, I’m sure some are down to jam or whatever. Just make your music first and then worry about the business side of things when it’s applicable

Related to the cute / hot semantics: do you see a difference between a bro, a douchebag,and a hipster. If so, please describe.

Okay…let’s see. I suppose the best way to go about this is to just list them and describe them.
A Bro: This is your typical frat guy, vertical striped shirt at the bar, dressed like all his boys kinda dude who watches tons of college basketball. He’s not a bad guy. He’s friendly. He’s not a smart guy but he will say something funny by accident every now and then over Jager shots. He works out and manages to be kinda fat at the same time. When he plays sports, his face turns mad red. He’s got a life plan that was laid out by his parents and their parents. He gets married, has kids and dies. He’s harmless and useless at the same time. He knows the lyrics to Drake songs and has been to a dave matthews concert. He has drunkenly made out with many girls he met at bars that night but he’s also been charged with date rape.

A douche bag: Unlike a “bro”, a douche bag isn’t so much a genre of person. You can’t just walk down the street and be like “Oh, he’s just a douche bag…” well, you can but my point is there all tons of different types of douche bags. There are bro douche bags, there are hipster douche bags. Every personality type has a douche bag version. Because of this, it’s hard to really pinpoint what makes a person a douche bag. They just kinda are and you know it when you see it. That hipster explaining to you why Michael Bay movies are actually the pinnacle of all cinema while citing black and white french films? A douche bag. That Bro bumping shoulders with strangers at the bar with hopes of starting a fight? A Douche bag. That Hip hop dude who scoffs at the thought of a dj using Serato cause it’s not “real hip hop”? Huge douche bag.
Basically, it’s a know it all asshole who doesn’t realize what a shithead he is. So, I’d say the best way to describe a douche bag is someone who is completely unaware of themselves yet, at the same time, manages to be smug.

A Hipster: This word has spun out of control. And it’s definition depends on who you ask. I’ve been called a hipster. I’m 35 and wear jeans, t-shirts and hats everywhere….but to someone, I’m a hipster. Then, I go out and see 22 year olds dressed like israeli break dancers and think “look at those hipsters”. I suppose Hipsters are in the eye of the beholder. Personally, I view it as anyone who’s uber-aware of current trends and following those trends. For better or for worse cause, as we know, most trend are fucking laughable…but that doesn’t stop some kid from wearing a bowler hat, a sleeveless black vest, some daisy duke shorts (this is a man I’m talking about here) long black wool socks and some rare nike kicks that costs 400 bucks.

Just wondering, did you ever get any douchebags wanting to friend you acting like you guys were good friends after you got well known in the music scene in social media sites like facebook or twitter that you knew in high school/college but hated?

Not at all. First off, I’m not nearly famous enough for that to happen. Secondly, all those people are my age, which means they’d be like 35 trying to get down with me on some weird groupie shit. What 35 year old does that?
The only instance of this I can think of is when I meet someone, they have no idea who I am and then they find out. There have certainly been cases of that and even then, it’s more a situation of that person who was somewhat dismissive of me is all of a sudden really friendly. It doesn’t really mean shit to me though cause , for the most part, I’ve been hanging with the same group of friends for like 15-20 years. I’m not really in the market to make “new friends” that often so it’s not exactly an option for people.

Do you and the basketball fans you know in Manhattan give a shit that Brooklyn is getting a NBA team? Could a rivalry be brewing between these boroughs or could you careless what happens in Kings County? Just wondering what the local vibe is there and in Kings County about the issue.

I haven’t noticed an overwhelming feel either way. I think, as a person living in NYC, most people are kind of excited to have another option for a team to go watch play live. I don’t think Knick fans will be rooting for the nets though. What I do see happening is all the Brooklyn transplants embracing the Nets and it becoming some sort of hipster thing. I’ve already seen their shirts all around town. To be honest, the simple design and colors (black and white) are kinda dope.
Regardless, unless they get good very soon (which is unlikely) , the Nets will always be the second NY team. Like the Mets.

what’s your workflow like?
best part? shitty part?

Erratic. I pretty much work when i feel like it. Unless I’m focusing on something that’s time sensitive, then I’m fairly proactive. I tend to work in chunks. Like I’ll pound out a bunch of beats in a week and then not do anything for a week. It depends how I feel. I don’t really look at anything as a “best” or “worst” part. i mean, I definitely don’t like the preliminary stages of starting a new album cause it’s literally me just mapping out shit and it’s more math than it is musical. That shit is beyond tedious. But, other than that, it’s all good. I’m a pretty quick worker and just obsessive enough that I pretty much finish everything I start.

have you ever taught production lessons? what would you focus on? it’s something i’m thinking of doing.

God no. I’d be a terrible teacher. Aside from my basic impatience , I’m a short cut taking , lazy, learn my own way kinda person. My way is NEVER the correct way to do things. It’s organic, but most of the time it’s totally wrong. I can barely remember what plug goes where to even set my own studio up, let alone teach someone anything.

This week, Alaska and I discuss Miss America, Tiger woods and Johnny Depp. Also, even though Alaska hates on “Game of thrones”, I still love got love for my homeboy. After all, He’s a huge Ben Folds Five fan who loves the Red Sox so what the fuck does he know.
http://www.syffal.com/tiger-woods-star-wars-1313

As you may know, my new album “Interludes after midnight” drops in about two weeks (April 30th, on Ninja Tune records). As a lead in, my boy Dj Pizzo from http://www.hiphopsite.com did me a major solid and made a hour and 15 minute mix of some of my older music. He did a really awesome job and I hope it whets your appetite for the new stuff coming soon.
Anyway, here’s the link:
http://soundcloud.com/dj-pizzo/blockhead-the-robin-byrd
Listen to it there, download it, masturbate to it…do whatever you like. Just peep it.

Here’s the description from the man who made it himself:
Back in 2005, HipHopSite.Com pressed up a special promotional CD for pre-orders of Blockhead’s “Downtown Science” LP called “The Block Is Hot Part 2″. Limited to 1000 copies, the disc included a handful of unreleased joints from Block, but more importantly a live recording of a performance in NYC. Block had mixed tracks from his first two albums together into one super-chilled out mix before a live audience, and it was captured there.

Fast-forward to 2011, Blockhead had since released two more albums, “Uncle Tony’s Coloring Book” and “The Music Scene”, both of which had become lexicon for this DJ. So, while out in L.A. for a gig, my manager and I constantly were listening to “The Block Is Hot Part 2″ and it’s live mix, marveling how years later it still held up. I thought to myself, “wouldn’t it be great if Block did another one of these mixes for his last couple of LP’s?”

I called up Block and asked him if he had any plans to do so, and he seemed overwhelmed with finishing his new LP, “Interludes After Midnight”. I then pitched to him the idea of doing it myself as some kind of lead-in project for the new LP. I then started to think about all of those cool bootlegs and unreleased tracks he threw out on his Phat Friend blog, and thus, “The Robin Byrd Mixtape” was born.

This mix is mainly built around “Uncle Tony’s Coloring Book” (my personal favorite Blockhead LP) and “The Music Scene”, and also includes a handful of semi-exclusive remixes that Blockhead did for fun, as well as a strange demo he did for some chick named Lizzy Grant (who you might recognize now as Lana Del Rey). I also threw in a handful of other beats, collabos, b -sides, unreleased cuts, and even some of his discarded “throwaway” demos, which in reality ain’t all that bad. So, enjoy this 80 minute mix of Blockhead classics and rarities until Midnight arrives……. – DJ Pizzo

So, My new album , “Interludes After Midnight” drops on April 30th on Ninja Tune Records.
This has been covered pretty extensively so lemme just jump right into giving you the links…

Here’s the Ninja tune page for the album , including a link to a free download to my song “NEver forget your token”
http://www.ninjatune.net/blockhead/

Here’s the soundcloud page for “Never forget your token”
http://soundcloud.com/ninja-tune/blockhead-never-forget-your

Here’s a link to I-tunes, where you can pre-order the album:
http://itunes.apple.com/preorder/interludes-after-midnight/id511173647

Here’s a link to the ninja tunes shop where you can pre-order the vinyl and bonus 7”
http://ninjatune.net/release/blockhead/interludes-after-midnight

Here’s a link to Amazon.com to pre-order all that shit as well…
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_0_12?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=blockhead+interludes+after+midnight&sprefix=blockhead+in%2Caps%2C201

Here’s a link to Magneticmag.com where you can download the “Beyond reach (featuring Baby Dayliner) for free:
http://www.magneticmag.com/2012/03/exclusive-download-blockhead-beyond-reach-feat-baby-dayliner/

What’s up…instead of making like 5 little posts dedicated to a link or a thought, I figured I’d knock them all out right here. So, this is just a bunch of random shit concerning music, links and joy.

First off,
If you wanna peep clips from my new album “Interludes after Midnight”, Ninja tune is steaming them from their site:
http://ninjatune.net/release/blockhead/interludes-after-midnight

Now, I realize the album has been leaked. And While hearing this (or just reading it right here) will no doubt lead to more than a few of you just going to find a download link right now, there’s nothing I can really do about it. Albums get leaked. It’s happened before and it will happen again. Do I like it? not really. I think I’m more bummed that it’s supposed to drop on May 5th so having it leak this soon is a bit early for my taste. On one hand, it’s cool that people are into it so much that they’re rushing to download (it was the #1 download on what.cd yesterday) but it’s hard to separate that from the fact that no one’s gonna buy the record. But, that’s what making music in 2012 is like so all i can do is accept it. So, if you downloaded it (and enjoyed it), do me the solid and come to a show when I’m in your town. Then we’re even.
For those of you who do still buy music, there will be a vinyl release as well as a bonus 7″ featuring two songs that didn’t make the album. Those two songs will also be available digitally via I-Tunes and the Ninja Tune Website.
Regardless of how you hear it and when, I hope you enjoy the album. I put in a lot of work on it and all I can ask is that , if you do download it today or tomorrow, actually listen to it. Don’t do that thing where you listen to the first 20 seconds then skip to the next track. My albums don’t work like that. Every song is constantly evolving. The songs have a beginning, a middle and an end. This isn’t a mixtape by Gucci Mane.

Oh and to all the people asking me how it leaked, the blame lies on the press. Ninja tune sent out press copies last week and within 4 days it was upped somewhere. So, whoever did that, you’re a dickhead and your blog/magazine/whatever-it-is-you-write-for sucks. I understand it’s fun to share but have some consideration for the artists. I mean, if your job is to review music, that must mean ,on some level, you both enjoy and respect music. Well, in the future, try and do that without being an album leaking asshole. It’s really not that hard. I realize it sounds like I’m scathingly bitter right now, but really, it’s all part of the game. I understand that. I feel more like disappointed father who just found his son jerking off to granny porn.

Some of them got uploaded to youtube already…Enjoy.

Also, here’s a little video the good people at Mushpost put together showing highlights of a recent show I did in Burlington AKA THE BURL.

Blockhead + kuxxan SUUM. Club Metronome, BTV from Brandon Jones on Vimeo.

What else…

Oh, hey, you like to laugh? Continuing with my on going campaign to big up sir Jarlsberg, here’s a link to hilarious radio interview the man himself did (featuring friend Lord Richard) on Benchwarmer radio. It’s a sports talk show but the first half is pretty much a total bug out session. If you like sports, stick around for the second half as well.
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/bench-warmer-news-radio/2012/03/20/bench-warmer-radio–31912

If you’ve ever looked at the cover art for my album “The music Scene” and thought “hey , that shit is awesome” then I’d like to inform you that the artist ,Owen Brozman , just illustrated a graphic novel called “Nature of the beast”. It’s written by the same guy who wrote “Go the fuck to sleep”.
Anyway, it’s awesome and , if your a graphic novel type of person, I think you should go buy that shit…
http://www.amazon.com/Nature-Beast-A-Graphic-Novel/dp/1593762453/ref=sr_1_9?ie=UTF8&qid=1332256175&sr=8-9

Last but not least, my boy Billy Woods just dropped the first single off his upcoming album “History will Absolve me”. It’s fucking ridiculous. It features Masai Bey and Roc Marciano and it’s produced by Willie Green. As far as I’m concerned this is one of the best beats I’ve heard all year. Thunderous shit…Here’s a link
http://myemail.constantcontact.com/MP3–billy-woods—-Body-Of-Work–Ft–Roc-Marciano—Masai-Bey.html?soid=1102260497929&aid=7mAmtqqQ5sk

What it do, yall? (simply typing that sentence felt awkward). I’m back from a lovely weekend in S.F.. Thanks to all those of you who came to the show. I had a good time.
I’m always a little jet lagged when ever i came back from the west coast so I dunno how lucid these answers are gonna be…so, you know, my bad if I’m rambling.
Anyway, send me more questions! Interesting questions! Funny questions! Non-typical boring grandma questions!
send them to phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave the in the comments below. Okaaaaay?!?!

The Music Scene was simply awesome when you dropped it, when can we expect your next instalment? Also the video for ‘The Music Scene’ is mind-blowing, who is the artist that did it and did you have any input into his creation?
Finally, Spotify has all of your albums up there but no Uncle Tony’s Coloring Book, why is that and can you do something about that?

I swear I didn’t write this question. Scouts honor.
The new album “Interludes after Midnight” drops April 30th. So, keep an eye out for that.
As for the Music Scene video, it was done by Anthony F. Schepperd

I had no input at all and that’s fine with me, cause that video is amazing. Basically, my record label was like “We’re gonna have some guy make an animated video, ok?” I was like ” sure”. I forgot about it and 6 months later that video showed up in my inbox. I was floored.

As for “Uncle tony’s coloring book” not being on spotify, that cause it was a limited release album. We only pressed 5000 copies of it and it’s digital release was limited as well. This mostly had to do with the insane samples on that album.

Do you follow college basketball at all? Any teams you’re interested in?
There are few things I care less about than college sports. I seriously get mad when I’m watching ESPN and the score ticker on the bottom is doing College sports scores. They go forever and WHO FUCKING CARESSSS?!?!?!!? These are fucking college kids. They’re no pro’s. I don’t go to that school. It really baffles me. Unless you’re a scout for the pro’s I see no reason to ever watch an amateur sport.
You will never see me tune a person out quicker then when someone gives me the “I only watch college sports cause it’s not a bunch of millionaires playing for pay checks” argument.
Thats like me saying “I only listen to demo tapes cause I don’t wanna here some millionaire sing songs to me”. Fuck that shit.

If your next album became enormously popular and you started to see photographers following you around every few days, how would you react to them?

I’d probably do what I do when anyone takes my picture. Make a stupid face. Luckily, I’m pretty sure I’ll never have to worry about being chased by paparazzi. They tend to not care much about underground hip hop producers.

Was interested in hearing any thoughts you might have on Charles Bradley. You mentioned that you enjoyed Donny Hathaway a month or two back. Made me think about how your beats have a certain soulfulness to them. Charles Bradley is no Donny Hathaway but he clearly picks up that 60s and 70s soul tradition. Here’s an extended clip of Bradley in Paris on Youtube. Apologizes if you don’t dig it.

Oh, so this is new?
I’d never heard of him prior to you sending me the clip. It sounds cool. There’s a whole school of people making old soul music today. I think it’s all really well done but I’d be lying if I said I really bumped it. I’d rather just listen to the actual old stuff. It’s kinda like when rappers make songs that sound like they were made in 1988. It’s well executed but if I wanted to hear that, I’d just put on Big Daddy Kane. I do appreciate that this is an old dude who obviously been doing it for years though.

How many gigs of music do you have on your computer?
I just looked. Excluding beats I’ve made, 183 gigs. I have no idea if that’s a ton or normal though.

Are you a big Dexter fan? And if you are did you think this season was a load of shit too?
I watch Dexter while whispering how shitty it is under my breath.
The fucked up thing about this last season is that I thought it started really strong and then it flew off the rails. It went from looking like one of the better seasons to being the dumbest season they’ve done thus far. Also, maybe I shouldn’t look at a show like that under too much of a microscope , but how many fucking serial killers can Miami have? According to Dexter, that place has a new one like every 2 months.

What are your opinions on college?

I’m a drop out who always hated school so, my opinion really doesn’t matter. I Think College is great if you want to work in a field that you need to be highly educated for. I think it’s a waste of time if you’re an artist. I think it’s a waste of time and money if you’re just going “To do it” and get a degree in something you can never apply to real life. I have tons of friends who’ve graduated college and over half of them are doing things they probably could have done without that education. At the same time, the people I know getting paid the most with real, adult jobs all went to college. So, yeah…good for them. I remember the feeling of dropping out and thinking “I’ll never have to write another paper again…”. It felt good man.But I got lucky with this music shit and could have easily been a career bartender.

Do you like Video games?
I used to play them a lot more but I haven’t given a shit about the in a while. When I did, I strictly played basketball and baseball games. Occasionally a racing game would slip in there too.
I never could get into games that take long term focus or that had to do with wizards and shit like that. I don’t even like movies about crap like that so, it’s not for me.

Who cleans your apartment? You, the lady? Teamwork? Hire a maid? Etc.

I got a cleaning lady , named Suzie (AKA Sweet sweet suzie) who comes once every two weeks. That’s when you know you’re balling…

I don’t know if you’ve touched on this or not but what’s the least annoying way if you’re an unknown producer to try to get someone (rappers, labels, etc.) to listen to your beats? Just @ing them on twitter? E-mailing the contact info? Are blogs really worth contacting (no offense)? I’ve tried all of the above but usually all I get is a “nice” and nothing else.

This is gonna be deflating but none of that shit works. I’ve never checked a link, a tweet or an email any unknown artist has ever sent me. I simply don’t really care plus, over the years, I’ve learned that most people are terrible at making music. The pushier they are, the worse the music usually is. That said, I’d say, of the avenues you can take, sending the music to blogs is the best idea. But just know which blogs. My blog? Not a good idea. My blog isn’t made to break new artists. The only music I post is my own or people I’m listening to in my spare time. But there are plenty of blogs out there who do seek out new music and are willing to listen. Find those guys, write them a nice email and send them a link to your shit. That’s the only way I can see it working.

What do you think of the group element of rap music? As in, most rappers either got their start in a group, or are currently in a group now, and it seems like its only getting worse with G-Unit, Rocafella Young Money, OFWGKTA, A$AP, and whatever the collective Kendrick Lamar is a part of.

I think the era of groups is kinda over. Sure, they still exist but the “I gotta get mine” way of thinking is way more prominent. Nowadays, there are “Crews” made up of different solo artists who will collaborate but it’s not like there are many Pharcyde’s or Clipse’s popping up much recently. If people are in groups today, I feel like it’s just a stepping stone to going solo. It makes sense though. Hip hop is very me-centric to the point where even producers start to rap , just so they can go solo.

So, I just got back from poland last night and I slept for like 12 hours. I feel like a jet lagged crack head right now so hopefully these though will be semi-lucid.
As always, send me more questions to phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comments below. Remember, be interesting with the questions…this isn’t a job interview.

I was wondering what your thoughts were on this interview:

I think it’s funny and probably somewhat accurate but wanted to hear your take on the whole gay rappers thing: Have you worked with any yourself? Do you think there will every be a mainstream successful gay rapper? Do you think their already are? Is it one of those things where people within the industry know who the gay rappers are but it doesn’t go public?

That video was fairly eye-opening cause I feel like, had this been about 10 years ago, Fat Joe wouldn’t have been so peaceful about that topic. I’m glad to see he’s accepted the reality of gayness in 2011. It always blows my mind when people still get weirded out or mad about it. Unless you live in the middle of nowhere and don’t have interaction with people or media, I sincerely don’t understand how a person can still be crazy homophobic without being a fucking moron. I’m not saying you have to not think it’s gross or whatever (cause that’s a natural reaction a lot of men are gonna have) but “hating” a person cause of their sexual preference is completely ridiculous.
As for the sub-questions, I don’t think I’ve ever worked with someone who is gay. I mean, it’s possible but none that I was aware of.
I dunno if there will ever be a mainstream gay rapper in the near future. The fact is, it’s still too gross a thing to a lot of men out there to handle. Especially , the teen-mid 20′s generation. If there was, his gayness would ahve to be a side bar, not the main event. Like, he couldn’t be like the “Lil Kim” of gay rappers, talking about blowing dudes. He’d have to simply be gay but be a dope rapper first and foremost.
It wouldn’t shock me if a decent amount of some of the more popular rappers out there are actually gay, but the idea of a super successful out gay rapper seems like a long shot to me.

as an artist does it bother you when people take your music without your permission to use in stuff like student films or maybe create their own music video?
Not at all. As long as the person has no intent on making money off the project, than anyone can use anything of mine. That doesn’t mean I’m gonna like it, wanna watch it or really give a shit in general but there’s no harm in using it.

Is there anything worse than an insecure person who is a dork in high school/college, and moves to Williamsburg to “find themself” (a.k.a. purposefully living in squalid conditions and working shitty jobs, hanging out with shitty people like them, continuing the insecurity spiral, etc.)?

I mean, technically, there are lots of things WAY worse than that. AIDS, Child Molesters, Cancer, terrible parents, rapists, Evangelical christians, murderers, ect…
But, to answer your question, yes, these people are annoying. Still, it’s also part of growing up. Let these motherfuckers try to “find themselves”. You gotta do it at some point right? All I ask is that they don’t start talking to me , a native new yorker, like they’re from here just cause they’re lived on Bedford ave for a year. Other than that, good for them and I hope their organic bird feed store/ motorcycle garage idea works out.

When is the world going to receive the gift of more Sir Jarlsberg.

For those who don’t know, this question is referring to this:
http://phatfriend.com/2010/01/11/sir-jarlsburg-will-change-your-life/
I think his albums pretty much done and he’s working on his live show. He also just filmed a video for one of his songs and it’s getting edited at this very moment. I’m pretty psyched about all of it and I will surely be letting you all know as each thing happens.

If you could shit-faced drunk with any famous person, dead or alive, who would it be?
Hmm…I feel like Bill Murray would be up there. He seems like a fun drunk.
Shit it might be fun to get Martin Luther King Jr. shitfaced just to see what kinda shit he’d pop. Same with Ghandi. I’m a fan of making really good-natured people talk shit when they’re drunk so that would be a perfect fit for me.
Also, if it means I could potentially hit it, there are a ton of hot pieces of ass throughout history I’d hypothetically get drunk and take advantage of.

Whats the worst city in America?

In terms of sheer ghettoness, Detroit is the illest I’ve seen. I wouldn’t say it’s the worst in the sense that the people are shitty though. In fact, most downtrodden cities tend to breed really cool motherfuckers. Detroit, certain parts of Ohio, Baltimore…Everyone I know from in and around those places are cool as fuck , so, in that sense, they’re kinda the best.
As for my least favorite…Probably some deep southern city where I feel like an alien. Anytime I’ve been to cities in the deep south, it’s been fine but there is an air of discomfort for me there. It’s a different world than what I’m used to.

Whats your biggest fear?

That’s a tough one. I’d say, becoming immobile. Like being crippled and not being able to use my body would be the worst. I’ve often said, if that does happen to me and , all that’s working is my brain, just roll my ass off a bridge cause I don’t think one can go from being totally active in their life to being a shitting and pissing thought machine. Maybe it’s just me…but that would be too devastating to live through. (knock on wood)

Hey -

I was wondering what inspired the Downtown Science album cover and who created it for you. It’s simple but I like it. And the the album is one of my favorites by the way.

Thanks, bro.
As for the art, it was done by Brad “Bisco” Smith.

He’s a rapper/artist who was down with a bunch of people I knew at the time I was putting together “Downtown Science”. Really good dude. Anyway, the idea behind it was just taking pics of downtown NYC and giving them more life. The album was an ode to where I grew up so that’s the basic gist of it.

Thoughts on Biggie’s rapping? Thoughts on his album Ready to Die?

This question reeks of baiting…
anyway, Biggie was a great rapper. I’ve always considered his skill better than his actual output. That said, he’s never really ranked in my top 5 or anything but ,it’s hard to tell cause he died so young.
As for “Ready to Die” , to me, it’s a really good but not great album. Honestly, it’s not the rapping that makes me say that, it’s some of the beats. I’m too much a stickler for that kinda shit and I found a decent amount of the production on it to be kinda boring. Still, there are a bunch of classic songs on there and he kills it throughout the whole album.

Hello to all. Another installment of you 3rd favorite weekly entry!
I’m going to Poland tomorrow but I think I got enough shit mapped out to cover this week. Perhaps even a write up of my trip to poland. It’ll be like a mental slide show, yo.
As always, send more questions to my email: phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comments below. Also, I’m accepting “ask dr. Tony” questions. Need love advice? Life advice? I’m that dude. I swear.
Anyway, here we go…

I do not consider myself a hiphop snob, although I would like to think my tastes are not awful.. Recently I have had the urge to listen to the waka flocka flame song “karma” over and over.. I know it’s not deep and terrible lyrically, but I love it none the less. I am 32, have a decent job, family, would consider myself not to be a total idiot. two questions here.. 1.Should I kill myself? 2. Do you have any AWFUL guilty hiphop pleasures you would like to share?

I say submit to your urges. I can’t fuck with Waka Flocka but I understand the desire to wanna just say “fuck it” and listen to some fun dumb shit. I remember when , sometime in the late 90′s , i started to let my hip hop snob purist guard down a little an just embrace music that’s fun. Since then, it’s made music a lot more enjoyable for me. Granted, I still have those moments where I’ll hear something that so offends my soul (Black eye peas or “teach me how to dougie” type shit) that it brings back that purist rage, but dumb shit like Waka Flocka? Why not. I’m way more annoyed by when music is mediocre. I’d rather something be over the top terrible than middling cause at least it’s bringing out something in me.
As for my guilty hip hop pleasures, It’s hard to say. I mean, to some, ASAP Rocky would be considered a guilty pleasure. I listen to Suga Free a lot butI don’t feel very guilty about it. Is group Home a guilty Pleasure? Noreaga? Really depends who you’re asking. Cause , to your average hip hop purist, most rap made after 2002 is garbage.

Who’s your favorite member of these groups/labels?
Wu Tang
Now-Ghostface
when they came out- Meth and Deck
Odd Future
Earl
Tribe
Tip (seriously? who the fuck is gonna pick anyone else?)
De La
Pos
Might as well say native tongues as a whole
Jungle brothers but based entirely off their first two albums. Longevity has definitely not been their strong suit.
X Clan
Brother J
Alkaholiks
Tash
Run DMC
Run
Beastie Boys
Ad-Rock
Geto Boys
Willie D
Death Row
Snoop

how funny is it that you had the myspace question blog, retired it, and pretty much carried it over here?

Yeah. It’s my cross to bear. The good thing about doing it this way is I have control over what I answer. Back on myspace anyone could write whatever they wanted and I’d have to just deal with it. Sometimes people would take it upon themselves to write long opinion pieces on topics asked to me, as if anyone gave a shit what random myspace rapper from North Dakota thought about anything. That always pissed me off. Not to mention the FAQ’s that happened endlessly even though they were posted on the front page.
But, really, I like answering questions and it’s easy content for this blog. Win-win.

saw this from mero’s site and it made me think of the corny, not-actually from brooklyn people who come in and do a show at a soy deli and pachouli outlet and the next day they’re back in farm-town on the local 1-hour per week hip hop show yellin’ “bee-kay, son!” and acting like they sold heroin with jay-z and just did a raw show in the same brooklyn biggie grew up in:

what to do with these people?

Mero is the best. everyone should go to his site. It’s way funnier than mine:
http://victory-light.blogspot.com/
I’m afraid we just gotta deal with it. The transformation of certain parts of brooklyn has been crazy for those of us who remember it when it wasn’t nice. Shit, I remember Williamsburg in the Mid-90′s. It fucking sucked. Now it’s super expensive and full of people who were the Artsy kids in their midwest high school. That’s fine and all but Mero isn’t lying. The shit is pretty soft.
I could complain about it “losing it’s edge” but, to be honest, I never fucked with BK that much enough to care. Nowadays, it’s a good place to go to eat and get drunk. It’s certainly filled with dipshits who have lived in NY for 8 months and think they’re all of a sudden the first people to ever live here but whatever…I look at williamsburg as a really big college campus thats fun to visit and a great place to acquire HPV.

what’s your take on the acceptable age difference for hook-ups (young and old)?
Well, there are couple differences…there’s the “Dating” age difference and the “fucking” age difference.
First off, lemme say, people can date whoever they want. If you’re 42 and find a 20 year old you really get along with, good for you. I call bullshit on that “connection” being anything more than attraction, but good for you.
However, in general, I would personally say it’s hard for a dude in his mid 30′s to really want to settle down with a girl in her early/mid 20′s. I’m not saying it’s impossible but the reality of the age difference would be a bit much for me. I feel like a young girl not knowing what I’m referencing half the time would be tiring and hearing her talk about whatever stupid shit is cool now would also be tiring.
Lemme break it down like this,

For Men fucking women:
You can fuck anyone over 18. If you’re 38 and fucking 18 year olds, you’re kind of a creep but you CAN do that. Personally, the youngest I’d technically go , sexually, is maybe like 23. I’m 35. Even that feels weird though. As for oldness, I don’t think that matters for men. I definitely wouldn’t wanna fuck a 60 year old. I’m not into older women though so I’m the wrong guy to ask. I feel as if younger men have free reign over older women. It’s not even taboo like older men fucking younger women. You can fuck as old a woman as you find attractive.

For women fucking men:
Over 18 (though no 17 year old’s gonna be bummed if some hot 24 year old wants to blow him). If a woman is 35 and wants to fuck a 20 year old, do it. Why would you not? The only downside to an older woman fucking a 20 year old boy is that he’s a 20 year old boy. It will be brief and clumsy. Though, I suppose that’s a fair trade for women who just want lots of attention and no body hair.
As for how old a guy can be for a woman, I suppose it’s as old as she can stomach. If you’re a 22 year old girl and you actually want to have sex with a 50 year old man (not named George Clooney) then go for it. You’ve got fucking problems and should probably talk to your dad more, but go for it.

For men dating women:
Personally, They have to be within 10 years of me. 25 and up. If I was younger, that number would shrink to like 5 years. I suppose the older you get the bigger that number gets but I feel like 10 is a safe range. In the olden days they had that equation for love where you’re supposed to marry a girl half you age plus 7. That’s cute and all but it can be a little suspect if you do the math. Like a 40 year old should probably not be dating a 27 year old.

For women dating men:
Do whatever you want. Like I said, young girls who date really old girls have issues but that’s just how it is.

Yo Blockhead,
I was just blasting the radio – wisconsin public – and your music was used as segue during the national news. Maybe not so strange. Where is the oddest place your music has been used?

I’ve heard my music pop up in random places a few times. Urban Outfitters. Tons of Tea/coffee shops. But the one that bugged me out most was when I was eating a high end sushi place and one of my songs came on. It wasn’t that they played it but it was the music that was playing before and after it. It was like cool jazz fusion elevator music. I mean, it’s cool they played my shit but definitely kinda humbling that i fit in along side the worst music on the fucking planet.

if yr food had to be undercooked or overcooked, which one would you choose?

Depends what the food is. I mean, if the undercooked food is going to make me sick, I’m not gonna eat it.
That said, i’m a guy who likes my steaks rare so , as long as it’s edible, I can rock with undercooked.

small girls. There’s this amazingly hot thai girl I work with but she’s like 4’11 and looks like my pinky would be too much to handle. Any thoughts/experience?

I’ve always loved short girls. 4’11 is pushing it but so what? Unless you’re like 6’4” in which there might be a problem with the equipment fitting.
I think I’ve told this story on here a few times but, fuck it…
One of my sisters is married to this french dude. He’s awesome and kinda crazy. When I was about 14 , he told me to always fuck short girls cause “they’re easy to move around on”. At the time, I had no idea what the fuck he was talking about as I was busy beating off 7 times a day to the thought of a girl even touching my penis. Later on in life though, it clicked. Unfortunately, what also clicked was that my sister is 5’1” and he was talking to me about fucking her. So, that was a bittersweet moment of discovery and disgust.