Hello everyone. I’m not a doctor but I play one on the internet. I’m here to help you with the problems in your life. Love, family, jobs, friends…all that shit. Why me? Umm…I don’t really know. I’m pretty honest and level headed so , what’s the worst thing that could happen? Bad advice. I’m still better than your stupid friends. So, if you have any problems that need tending to, please write me! Let’s try and figure things out. Send me questions to phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comments below.

So I’m just curious to hear your thoughts on why men lead women on after break ups. I was fuck buddies with my ex for about 6 months before we became boyfriend and girlfriend. We were “official” for about 7 months he’s 29 and I’m 25. We broke up after I found out that he was cheating on me. We have been broken up for about four months now and have been hooking up. What I don’t get is why he keeps leading me on, other than me letting him of course. He tells me things like not to see other people. I’ve asked him once if he thought that we would ever get back together and his response was “I can’t tell you that because I don’t know what the future holds” Admittedly I know I’m a dumb ass girl for even bothering with this guy. Known fact. Cover your ears! But I’m in love with him. To me it almost seems like he wants to have fun, fuck other chicks and save me for later. It’s always been a really sexual relationship. Could the pussy be having him say shit like don’t see other people? Or is it an ego thing? Does this guy give a fuck at all? He did real up with me. So why is it so difficult for him to tell me he doesn’t want me? ….This is hilarious. I’m cracking up just typing this bullshit. Go easy on me Block!

Well…yes, you’re being stupid. But, at the same time, it’s not totally your fault. You know exactly whats going on but you keep reading into his mixed messages. Your love of him is blinding you to the reality of the situation. Does he care about you? Probably a little. Does he like having sex with you? Definitely. Does he wanna be with you for real at any point? I doubt it.
Here’s why men keep girls around after breaks ups
1)Sex
It’s comfortable, it’s familiar and…it’s sex. Unless a guy truly doesn’t like having sex with a girl, why would he stop if it’s there for the taking? The only think that would stop him are getting involved with someone he ACTUALLY likes or losing interest on his own. From the sound of it, you can’t stop yourself from sleeping with him and he wants to keep you on the roster. It’s fucked up but those two things play into each other perfectly.
2)control
This is the fucked up part. He doesn’t want to date you seriously but he wants you to be his and only his. It’s entirely an ego thing and he might not even be doing in consciously. He wants his cake and to eat it too. He wants freedom to fuck other girls but you’re like his property that can’t see other people. Sounds unfair, right? Well…yeah. That’s why what you’re doing is bullshit. I would bet good money if you stopped giving it up to him, he’s start being on your shit a lot more. Or, if you started fucking other guys without caring if he found out, it would rattle him. All ego. all the time.
3)He doesn’t want to hurt your feelings
Here’s the other side of the coin. When you ask him stuff like “Will we ever be together?” and he gives you some wishy washy answer, that’s a “no”. If he was really undecided he would maybe say something like “I could see it happening”. There would be a glimmer of maybe. But “I dunno what the future holds!” is a way for him to keep you around and, at the same time, not flatly say “no” so he doesn’t make you feel like shit. Keep in mind, this kind of coddling of your feelings is not being done cause he’s a great guy. It’s cause he doesn’t wanna deal with the reality of what he really thinks. If he says “Nah, we will never be together” , he risks losing a steady sex partner who he does enjoy spending some times with. Clearly, you’re more than a booty call, less than a girlfriend. That’s a sweet spot for many guys and a nightmare for many girls.
So, yeah…he wants you but he doesn’t want you. It sounds to me like a ceiling for where your relationship can go has been set and it’s lower than what you desire. So, for your own self interest, it’s probably wise to get out of this one. unless you can accept it for just casual sex with someone you’re comfortable with, it’s not gonna work. Cause it doesn’t sound like he’s gonna stop doing him anytime soon.

Hi,

I know this is heavy but any outside perspective?

This is a tough one. Cause you got so many factors. The main one that pops out to me, outside of your mom being an asshole, is that your brother is 17. And , by nature, 17 year olds are selfish and somewhat self destructive. Add in that your mom and him have this unhealthy and co-dependent relationship and that just adds fuel to the fire. The thing about throwing tough love at someone who’s also spoiled is that it probably won’t work. At least not immediately. Because he has an option to just go back to your mom, someone telling him to not act like a little dickhead and respect his step mom really won’t put much fear in him. At best, it’s the type of thing that will resonate later. Perhaps, down the line, he will realize that he’s being a problem and take some responsibility for his actions. That’s a maybe though. After all, he is a teenager who is spoiled.
I honestly feel bad for your dad and I’m also curious why he only gets weekends when your mom seems to be a mess. If your dad is reasonable (and it sounds like he is) all he can do is weather the storm and hope your bro matures to a point where he can see things a little clearer. The thing that worries me is that, from the sound of it, your moms behavior might just be engrained in him cause, well, that’s how parenting works. Kids pick up on traits and they become a part of them. That’s why neurotic parents make Neurotic kids. Sadly, your bro seems like he may have a tough road ahead. I suppose the best thing you can do is try and reason with him and hope it sinks in eventually. Also, get him to a shrink. Sounds like he needs it.

I’m going to keep this context as concise as possible. I was supposed to work Camp Bisco last year, however, unfortunately I fucked up some crunchy bits in my foot. Because of complications with that injury I didn’t ride up to Montage Mountain with my girlfriend(now ex) and her cousin. Instead I rode up with a friend of my best friend’s whom I had never met. Amazing group of people to say the least! So mayhem and love as usual for festival.. But fast forward to Tipper. I had no ticket, a wounded paw and zero rubber left on the ends of my crutches. On my way to Tipper I bumped into this girl. I know this sounds gooey and romantic, but it felt like stars collided when I saw her. Beauty is subjective, much like success.. And in my little reality here, I have never seen such a cute vessel holding such a old, powerful soul! I mean this energy was like when a supermassive star collapses and emits gamma radiation that is said to touch the ‘ends’ of the universe. Instead of a scattered explosion, the light leaves the supernova in a form of a beam or column. That burst could wipe the atmosphere away and cook everything on earth instantly. I’m saying that she is powerful and her beam went head on with my beam and I swear for a millisecond we had no physical form. I couldn’t talk to this girl though because I was in a relationship. I mean I could converse with her in small bits, but I couldn’t say the things I wanted to say. I didn’t know what I wanted to say either! Haha. So we start jamming to Tipper after finding a nice seat high on the natural amphitheater of a hill. I don’t know how to explain this, but this girl and I could communicate telepathically. She confirmed this recently after giving me her side of this story! She described me as this bearded guy on crutches. She was standing behind me for the whole set. This cosmic fish said that when she looked at me I would turn around we would communicate. Not with spoken words though. So Tipper ends and my phone is dead and this girl is hanging out with some guy she met. We part ways and I accepted that if that energy was meant to be in my life, then there is no way in hell I can do anything to stop it. I broke up my girlfriend months later just before Halloween. Fast forward to Okeechobee Music Festival in Okeechobee Florida. I’m staffed at the festival and that now ex girlfriend shows up. And based on the characters involved in the synopsis of my recent love life, guess who shows up with my ex! You guessed it, you blockhead, you! The cosmic fish. It was her birthday and I really want to go into detail about all the things that happened over the course of Okeechobee, but this shit is getting long. Honestly I’m not sure if I have any questions. Or any answers haha. We’ll grab some rewskis tonight maybe and I’ll share the details.

I feel as though I can’t rush a flower to bloom. Other than manipulating light cycles, but that’s a different goal. I don’t really have a kwestyon lol. I would like any advice on this that you can offer and I think I just needed to get a lot of it out.

Cool story, bro.
I understood like 3/5 of this but it sounds to me like you were high as fuck and met a girl. Congrats!
Advice? umm…do less drugs when you write a question to a blog that is, in fact, not a question at all. That’s the best advice i could ever give you.

Yo Doc. Been holding this one in for a bit cuz, to be completely honest I’m a pussy. This one should be a bit interesting or at least a nice diversion from these goddamn relationship problems.
First, a little background on me (I’ll make this short.) I’m in my latter half of my sophmore year at high school, from the burbs. I also have 100% no vision whatsoever. Physically. My eyeballs are completely useless, aside from crying, which is pretty rare for me. Now that that’s out of the way, we’re at the meat and potatoes. Basically, I’m completely detached from my peers. I don’t really have that many friends. In my oppinion, most of the people in my school act like a bunch of idiots. They have there priorities screwed up completely. I go on facebook and see chicks post shit about how they “don’t need” there exes more than enough times a day to convince me that they’re emo and completely full of shit. They look for more materialistic things in guys/things that don’t really matter in the long run, like a dude’s popularity, what sport they play, shit like that. The few relationships I’ve had range from disasterous to meh. In the beginning, I went out with a bunch of gross chicks, because I didn’t know how to pick up on stuff like that yet. The one decent girl I dated (by that i mean looks, if that makes any sense) ditched me because, oh, you know, people being assholes and talking trash about her dating me is so important, rite? It fucked me up for a while, but i got over it. On the bro side of things, I can’t really relate to any of the dudes my age. There are ones that I’m cool with enough to shoot the shit with when I see them around. But there into sports, video games, or just stuff that I really don’t know much about. The only dude I’d call a friend without hesitation is the guy I do music with, who is from Ohio. We had common interests, opinions on things, and thats how we bonded. But on the flipside of all that, I’ll be the last to say that I’m perfect. I’d say it all started back when I started having hearing issues. Or maybe things just clicked in my brain that the world is far from a perfect place, probably a combo of both. Back in elementary school, I was the complete opposite of my current self, I used to go to people’s houses to chill all the time. But the year that everything changed and my hearing started acting up, I became more aware of things, I had access to the internet and was able to learn things that I didn’t know without it, like how fucked up society can be That was also the time I really started getting into music seriously. I definetly got angry around that time. Seclusive. But I didn’t know it at the time, I was so wrapped up in studying music equipment/production. I even quit band, which i regret now. I became quiet, shy, insecure, selfconscious. I’m not really good with accepting help from people either, I hate that shit, and I’m sure people can tell. I’ve been told that people think I am angry. Thankfully, all that is a lot better than what it used to be. A lot of people in my circle tell me that I’m a bit more mature than the people my age. I feel like I am on some level for sure, but what I don’t know is: 1: Do I need to get out of my basement for once and do things and get a better perspective on life or 2: Do I judge people too harshly? And by that, should I not be so quick to write a person off and give them a chance? Everyone that’s gotten to know me (which is mostly girls) told me that they thought I would be mean but that I’m actually not, that i’m smart, funny, all that good quality shit. I came here for nothing but blunt honesty, so for real, enlighten me.

Well, first off you being blind and having hearing issues is clearly at the forefront of all this. OF COURSE you’re gonna feel like you don’t belong. There is no way you won’t feel insecure about, well, everything when you have those issues. On top of that, you’re a teenager so you’re already super emotional to begin with. Eventually, those feelings of insecurity and not belonging turn to resent and judgement. Especially of others who are just living their lives like normal teenagers. Sure, they may be basic and into shit you don’t care about but if you’re writing people off cause they like sports or video games, you’re really not giving anyone a chance. I mean, I get the mind set. We all go through that at your age. If it’s not jocks it’s nerds. It’s all just typical teenaged shit that doesn’t really matter.
It sounds to me like you’ve been dealt a shitty hand and , understandably, you’re withdrawing socially. I’d probably react the same way. The best perspective I can give you is that , as important and crucial as these years seem to you right now, your life hasn’t even begun yet. High school is nothing. In fact, many of the people who see thriving in it are peaking in their lives. Trust me when i say you don’t wanna peak in your teens. Just keep doing what you’re doing. You have a passion for music? Follow that. Eventually it will put in you a place with other like minded people and your world will open up a bit. But, to answer your questions
1)Yes, you need to get out of your basement.
2)Yes, you judge people too harshly.

Lucky for you, these things are easy to fix. Simply leave your basement and don’t forget that , when you’r being hyper judgmental of people, it’s usually out of insecurity. So, really, it’s on you.

I’m not a doctor, but I play one on the internet.
Listen, we all got problems and I don’t know you BUT I’m a level headed guy with some decent life experience. So, instead of consoling in your biased friends who don’t really care about your problems in the first place, why not run it by me? I’m impartial and have nothing to lose or gain by throwing my two cents at you.
If you have any life problems (love and beyond) I’d like to hear them and see if I can give you a new perspective. I’m not here to blow smoke up your ass. I don’t know you, dude. I have no reason to not be totally honest. So, if you have any questions of this sort that you want help with, fire away! Send them to my email phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comment section. It’s always anonymous and I’m never full of shit. Go for it. I’m here to help.

I’ve been with my GF for about 2.5 years. She’s madly in love with me, and indulges (or at least tries to indulge) my every whim. That being said, I’ve grown tremendously bored of this relationship. Here’s the 3 primary issues we’re having

I care about her alot but at times I feel like maybe I’m just using her and convincing myself otherwise.

Dude…Come on…
This relationship is a nightmare and you and I both know the only reason you’re still with her is cause you need a place to stay. You need to end it for the sake of you both. What you basically described is two people who connect on no level outside of “she takes care of me”. She’s more like a nanny that you fuck (that you don’t even like fucking). It’s selfish of you to even indulge this shit.
There’s nothing to salvage. You don’t respect her, you’re not turned on by her and I’m fairly certain you actually actively dislike her. Like, i bet, when she walks in the room, you literally groan internally and wish she would leave immediately. These things don’t improve with time and moving in with someone only speed the process.
The irony is that part of her clinginess might have to do with her sensing you being removed and your growing disinterest. You say she’s insecure well, know what makes a girl even more insecure? When she thinks her boyfriend doesn’t like her…and she’s right. So, yeah man, do both of you guys a favor and cut it off. i realize that , logistically it’s a nightmare cause you live together and you’re broke but this your life. This is her life. You both can move on from this the sooner you dead it.

I have a question (maybe it’s for dr. Tony, you decide) for you. It’s like this, I have a girlfriend for quite some time now (around 8 years) and we are both in our very late twenties (i know, started too early, shit happens). She is a very nice person (to a fault actually, sometimes it gets on my nerves, but I can’t really say that being nice is a bad thing so, fuck me), we get along well most of the time and she is a good person to be around in general, which is underrated when it comes to girlfriends.
But there is one thing about her that I really don’t like and it’s her birthday. When I have my birthday it’s a pretty usual day, my mother calls, my grandparents call me, a couple of friends wish me a happy BD and that’s it. Maybe I go out and get drunk with friends if I feel like it, but that’s it and I feel like this is how adults should “celebrate” bullshit like this. I was born on this day, who gives a shit? It comes around every year, you should get tired of it by the time you are 25 or sooner. But not her.
Her mother makes her a cake and then we have to go to her parents place, we sing her happy birthday, she blows the fucking candles like a fucking 8 year old, her mother takes pictures (which are always the same, us sitting behind a table with a cake), sometimes even her stupid girl-friend or two come by. I mean, please, is this normal? Does she desperately want children of her own? Are her parents retarded for doing this (they are soooo overprotective, they still treat her like a child and tell her not to go out when it’s dark and shit like that, and she is soon to be 30)? I mean, am I weird? Do many people do stuff like this this late in their lives? I get it later when you are like 87 and every BD is like a blessing and you don’t know how long you are going to last and I understand celebrating your 30, 40, 50 etc…like some milestones, but having your 28 with a cake at your parents house the same as if you are 8? How do I tell her it is not really a normal thing to do? Actually skip this, I have already told her it is childish and weird but she doesn’t get it. How do I get her to get it? My theory is that she really wants a baby (she has mentioned it a couple of times lately) and that might switch her attention to the little one, but it might have the opposite effect and she becomes more childish? And she is not a spoiled barbie girl in everyday life, she is a normal person with a job and a life who is fun to hang out with. Please don’t tell me to get over it and that I only have to deal with it one day every year. It’s the principle, the whole thing is so fucking retarded to me that I can’t handle it anymore. Please help, lol.

Listen, on one hand, i agree with you that birthdays are stupid past a certain age. If anything, they’re an excuse to gather some friends and give you all an excuse to get drunk. That said, your issue with your girl is pretty fucking petty. So she likes to go see her family and have cake? Maybe she loves her family and tradition in general. Do you know how lucky you have it. When I started reading your question I was expecting it to go a totally different way. I thought you were gonna speak about people who treat their birthday like a week long event that everyone is supposed to cater to. On some “Well, wednesday is my birthday but tuesday we’re getting together for drinks, wednesday we have a small dinner party with close friends, then friday we’re all gonna go to great adventure leading into the big party on saturday!”
You know that’s a real thing people (girls) do, right? So, compare that to the simple shit your girl is into. You should feel blessed it’s that simple. I get going to spend the day with the in laws can be annoying but, hey, it’s what she wan’t to do for her birthday and she’s not asking much of you by doing so.
Your theories on why she does this are pointless. She does it cause she likes it. It’s comfortable. The reality is, YOU don’t like doing it so you gotta try and find a reason to shit on it. I’m sure it’s boring, lame and all that stuff but guess what? It’s called boyfriend duties. You gotta do it with a smile. It’s part of the deal.

Okay, so I’m a bit of a rookie when it comes to the dating game as I was in a nine-year relationship and have been bumbling around on the dating scene for around two years. Met a new girl and did all the things, with the relationship ending reasonably after six months.

How the fuck have you survived these encounters? Advice will be good as I feel like I’m either going to neck an entire bottle of Jager to survive or wear a wig and play it off like I’m a German tourist who mangles the English language.

You just gotta go into these kinda situations prepared for an awkward moment. There will be one. It’s gonna suck, but then it will be over and you can carry on with your night. What you DON’T wanna do is sit there looking wantonly over your shoulder all fucking night and checking on what she’s doing. That’s not the move. You also don’t want to get too drunk and embarrass yourself. From the sound of it, she’s over you. There’s not point trying to push your way back in. Simply go to the party, act like she’s not there. When you see her, keep it civil and brief and move on. I’m assuming you will know other people there so don’t get hung up on her. It’s a party. Mingle. Perhaps look for a new girl to have a 6 month fling with. They’re out there, bro.

About a 3 months ago I started fooling around with this girl from work(we work in a cell phine store) Started out as just texting everyday shooting the shit and joking around. One night a bunch of us coworkers got drunk and she started making out with me. I guess all the signs that she wanted to fuck me flew over my head. She tells me that she only wants a physical thing and I agree to it. Anyways, as the time goes on we grow a little closer. Going out, talking and texting all day and stuff, far beyond what we intended.
At this point she’s told me a few times how special I am to her and how much she really likes me and how I’m so respectful and cool and and I’ve reciprocated the feelings. But there’s been more that a few times where she gets mad at me for either some really trivial things or for absolutely nothing at all. She’ll start saying how she’s never gonna talk to me again and all this stuff. Usually by the next day she’s fine and all goes back to relative normalness. Or she’ll just say that we shouldn’t see each other anymore and then after I try to probe more, she’ll drop to he subject and move one. This happens about once every 2 weeks. What the fuxk do you make of this? And how can I try to handle this. I know this shits gonna fall theough at some point but I’m just kinda living in the now. When this shit inevitably hits the fan, how do I handle the fallout in to the most civil way possible due to us working together in a close environment like a cellphone store.
That’s pretty much the jist of it. If you have any questions or anything I should elaborate on let me know.

Oh, good old “shitting where you eat”. It makes so much sense but it’s such a danger zone.
I’m only going off what you wrote so my assumptions could be wrong. For all I know, you’re mad annoying or distant and that’s why she freaks out every 2 weeks but, if what you say is true it could be for many reasons. One could be that she wants a committed relationship and feels weird bringing that to your attention so she lashes out when her emotions get the best of her. I’ve definitely dealt with that many times and all you can do is weather the storm or bow out. In your case, it’s tricky cause you are co-workers.

It seems to me that you have already decided that this relationship has an expiration date. So, if making her your GF is off the table, i’d say it’s best to back out now. I’ve always been of the school that you can ride the wave of a relationship gray area (Not just fuck buddies but not a couple) until it becomes a point of contention. Then you gotta make a decision. Once the “So, what ARE we?” pandoras box is opened, there is no turning back. If I had to guess, I know which way you’re leaning so , due to the delicate working together angle, i think you gotta find away to break it off as amicably as possible. Living in the now is cool but you guys work together. You keep on this path and it will eventually blow up in your face. I would say, the next time she gets on one of her “we should not see each other anymore” kicks, go with it. Agree with it and be as kind and understanding as you can. When that happens, we are faced with a fork in the road and too often, against our own wants and sanity, we choose the easy path cause it’s less hassle. You gotta take a deep breath and say “You know, you’re right…” then gently put this thing to bed. It sucks. It always does but there’s no reason to keep a dead end relationship going, especially if it’s full of drama. Things will be awkward at work for a little but I’m sure it will simmer down eventually. just be careful with her feelings and approach it all with sensitivity. Oh and it also means you can fuck any of your other co-workers. Sorry…thems the rules.

Hi there. Let’s play doctor.
No, not the kind where you get awkwardly fingered…I’m talking about real psychological help from a person with absolutely no background in that field. Why me? Cause I’m a stranger. I have nothing to gain by helping you so there’s no reason for me to be anything but brutally honest. My credentials? I’m level headed and not insane. That’s it. But, I’ll be damned f I don’t give some decent advice.
So, if you’d like some help with life and/or love…holler at me. Send questions to phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comment section below. It’s all anonymous. I’m here to help. I swear.
Here are this installments questions!

So i’ve been seeing my current girlfriend for a little over a year now, and i think its safe to say that i’m really in love with this person. We both just started college and we both make an effort to see each other as often as possible and keep in close contact, but theres still that nagging fear that, three years down the line, we’ll drift apart. Should i be concerned? Or should i just live in the moment?

This answer could get depressing.
Yes, you should just live in the moment. At your age, the worst thing you can do is think about what will happen down the line. I’m generally opposed to serious relationships for people your age but I also have been there and understand that they’re going to happen. You love who you love, right?
But, in reality, yes…you will probably drift apart. I say this not cause I know you and not only because you’re very young but cause , in general, that’s what happens within most relationships. I hate to turn emotions into a numbers game but, if we’re being honest here, your chances are low. However, this doesn’t mean your relationship is futile. It can work. It wouldn’t be the first time! More importantly, enjoying the “now” of a relationship with someone you’re with and care about is the best part. So, sitting around thinking about what might happen is pointless. I’d get it if you were in your 30’s and real life was actually happening but , dude, you’re still in college. Enjoy the ride. None of the stuff REALLY matters yet. You love her? That’s great. Stick with her until you don’t. Like most relationships that don’t involve children or a pending marriage, just roll with it. Only start questioning shit when you’re unhappy in that relationship.

Dr T, have you ever had a friend that you tried to politely cut ties with who just did not go away? And advice on terminating an exhausting bro-bro friendship that just won’t die quietly?

Breaking up with friends, man…it’s brutal. It’s extra hard cause, unless they do something specifically bad to you , there is never a clean reason to cut those ties. You can’t just walk up to a person and be like “Hey man, we had a great time together over the years but, honestly, I don’t like you as a person any more so…yeah…It’s been fun” *hands him a box of chocalates and card*
I mean…I guess you COULD do that. It would be the honest thing to do and leave no misconception floating in the air. But, let’s be honest, who’s that ice cold? And, when you consider your history together and mutual friends, it’s even harder.
My advice is cowardly but practical. You kinda just gotta phase that person out. Don’t pick up their calls. If they text, don’t respond immediately , and when you do, make it pretty curt. I’m not saying be rude, but don’t try to hard either. It’s no different than phasing out someone you’re casually dating. It’s shitty and a pussy way to go about it , unless you’re ready to tell an old friend, to their face, that you simply do not enjoy their personality, it’s pretty much the only option.
If this is a friend who is in your social circle and you’re gonna see out and about no matter
what ? That’s different. All you can do is kinda remove yourself from those social situations. That’s tougher though.
Or, if all else fails, move. Leave your town and never come back. It’s extreme but it’s definitely the most fool proof of all the ideas.

Hi Doctor,
I watch porn nearly every day and give myself a little pleasure when I do. It doesn’t get in the way of my life but I do get that guilty feeling twice a week.
Should I try to ditch the habit or do it less or keep it up?

A “little” pleasure, huh? What exactly do you mean? COULD YOU BE MORE SPECIFIC, GUY? HEY EVERYONE! Look at the masturbator! What a pervert! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Anyway…Jerking off to porn is fine. It exists for that reason. I’ve done it a million times and never felt guilty about it. Perhaps you’re from a background that looks down upon the act of self love but, well, I’m not. In fact, i think it’s weird if you DON’T do it. Personally, my imagination is not what it used to be so porn is a required part of this act. So, if i jerk off every day, then I’m watching porn every day. I’m not saying I do, but that’s just the math put in a simple form for you.
Here’s the thing about watching porn, you must have perspective on it. If you’re only using it to get off on, then you’re okay. That said, if you’re jerking off like 5 times a day and you’re not a 13-16 year old, you might wanna slow down a bit cause too much of that shit will fry your brain. You over do it and you become one of those creeps who forces girls to do anal and can only cum from very particular things that no one else enjoys doing. That’s never a good way to live life.

I feel as though porn only becomes a problem for people when it engulfs their life. I’ve know dudes who would literally have porn on all the time. Like it was background music. They wouldn’t even jerk off to it that much. THOSE DUDES are fucked up and have a problem. You? Nah, you’re just some guy who jerks off like a normal person. Don’t worry about it.

It’s not a question of if I’ll disappoint her, but when.

Sarcastic option 3: kill myself.

I am with you 100% on your feelings towards marriage. Also, you’re married. So, that’s kinda funny. Tax breaks, huh?
Anyway…This sucks for you on many levels. Here’s the thing, being a maid/matron of honor is expensive and time consuming. If you can get out of it in the most simple of ways by saying “Hey, I just don’t have the time to be this involved in your wedding” then that is your out. Being vaguely “busy” is the best excuse every time. For everything. You can be super nice about it and pepper the convo with “But, of course, i will be there for your big day! Wouldn’t miss it for the world” type horseshit and maybe it will soften the blow. From the sound of this girl, she’s got the emotional development of a 12 year old so talking circles around her shouldn’t be that hard.
OR
Just do it. It will suck but it will also be over eventually. I think the only problem with this is that , by doing that, you’re leading your old friend on in a way. It’s telling her “yes, we are still super close friends!” , which doesn’t seem to be a message you wanna send. in fact, it sounds like you don’t even like this moron.
Either way, you got time. I’d go with option A if you’re really bout that “fuck marriage (except your own)” life. But if that’s too rough, you’re gonna have to eat shit and hold some flowers for this girl while she cries in front of her friends and family, as father Goofy marries them on the S.S. Minnie mouse boat.

Hello all,
Welcome to another edition of “Ask Dr. Tony”. An advice column for people who, for some reason, want to ask a niche hip hop producer what to do with their lives. Thanks to all the people who recently sent in questions. I can always use more. If you have a problem in life or love and want an outsiders opinion, fire away. It’s always anonymous. Send questions to phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comment section below. The Dr. is always in.
Let’s check this weeks batch…

Dr. Tony,

Help, I want to have sex with my roommate. I know it would be a terrible idea but he’s my ideal man. A blonde haired, blue eyed dream boat I can totally imagine setting up house and buying a mini van with. My friend suggested I just crawl into his bed one night and start S-ing his D. But I dunno i think that might make things awkward. What should I do??

Well, this could go a few ways (if you decide to take it there).
1)He’s into it and now you live with your brand new boyfriend. Good on paper, bad in reality. Not saying it can’t work but there should a grace period of dating where you both don’t need to shit near each other all day long.
2)He’s not into it, you get shot down and now you live your life avoiding him at all costs.
3)He’s kinda into it but not like you are. He will have sex with you but he’s also not looking for anything more than casual…which could be fine for a while but will undoubtedly get messy when he starts bringing other girls around (assuming you continue to like him)
4)You hook up once. it’s wack. You no longer feel that way about him. It’s awkward for a little bit but you can blame drunkness (or whatever) and eventually things go back to normal and, most likely, you’re better friends for it.

So, as you see, only one of those has an outcome that isn’t awful. Obviously, my advice is to not shit where you eat. And don’t fuck where you eat either. This may just be one of those situations where you gotta just sit on your hands and chalk it up to bad timing. Also, masturbate furiously to him. That could work for or against you though.

Block,

My thoughts are that this young man is mentally underdeveloped, but also seems to be an arrogant, manipulative little liar, and not a very good one. I should be able to get him fired based on the fact that his application seems to be a bunch of lies. He keeps referring to his “roommate,” but at other times has admitted that he still lives with his parents. The other, more paranoid part of me has thought that this young man is potentially dangerous or unhinged, although the jury is still out on to what extent. Obviously I don’t want to tip things over into chaos, but there needs to be a sensible, reasonable way of putting an end to this. Any advice is greatly appreciated, and sorry this is a long explanation.

Clearly this dude has issues. Like, up and down the board. He’s socially inept and definitely mentally disabled in some form or another. Sounds like he may have aspergers or , at the very least, is on the spectrum. Problem with me giving advice here is that I’m not familiar with what’s okay and not okay when it comes to firing people. The last time I worked a regular job, you could fire someone for whatever you felt like. Granted, I worked at a bakery but still…There wasn’t as much space for uproar and suing as there most likely is today. Especially in a bigger corporation.That said, you seem to know the easy out. If he lied on his resume, there ya go. Also, making female co workers uncomfortable , being on his phone all day and even the paranoid “he might be a psycho” feelings he gives off…I’d imagine those are all grounds to let someone go. That last one especially with all the shootings that have been happening.
All that said, he could just be incredibly socially awkward. Which is harmless but also, not your problem. Let him be someone else’s issue to deal with.

I have a friend who’s married to a girl from south america who moved to america to be with him (met through high school foreign exchange). if things don’t work out, she would want to leave america and return to her family. he has admitted to her that he has feelings for another girl — who he spends lots of time with — but that he would never cheat on his wife. recently, while talking clumsily about some philosophical concept he posed the question “if a man cheats on his wife, is it wrong if it brings him and his mistress more happiness than it brings his wife sadness?”

who do i ask what questions of/tell what things to? all three people involved are fairly recent (four months) friends of mine, but we’ve been spending ~3 days a week together and i work with the wife most days of the week.

The wording of that last paragraph is confusing as fuck but I think I get the overall questions.
Who do you talk to about this? Umm…no one. Mind your fucking business. You’re saying you have known these people for 4 months and you’re trying to fix a marriage you have absolutely no involvement in? This is their problem. But more than that, it would be nosey of you to interfere in any way. I understand that you may not like what going on but these are all adults making their own choices. No one asked you to referee their lives.
Also, I’d be willing to bet the dude is already cheating. That kind of tension can only go so long before it boils ever. Within 6 months, this whole thing will probably be resolved. South American girl will be back in South america. The guy may or may not be with the side chick, and you will have had nothing to do with it. At least i hope. I get that people sometimes have an urge to try and fix everything that’s broken around them but , a lot of the time, they just end up making it worse.

Dr. Tony:

You mentioned that in college you missed lots of sexual opportunities. I recognize myself has being in a similar position (as in: why did we just sit on her bed and giggle for forty five minutes while making extended eye contact? oh wait sex). how does one break out of this obvious young-man’s pattern?

For me, I broke out of it when I stopped giving as much of a fuck. When I was young, every moment like that was tense and anxious. The fear overrode the excitement. Those feelings still exist but, as you get older, you learn to trust the signals being thrown at you. I’ll never be the type of guy who makes bold power moves at girls. I’m just not that guy. I’d imagine you’re the same way. However, once you get more comfortable in your own skin, gain a little confidence in yourself, you just kinda go with the flow. You learn to close in your own way. Some dudes go in for the kiss at first sign, others just kinda let it come to them and act accordingly.
It should also be noted that girls also get more aggressive with age as well. So, that same girl who you would lay around in bed with for 2 hours almost kissing while you agonized over if her leg was touching your on purpose, will straight up just attack you 5 years later.
The bottom line is that you gotta not look at every situation as a life or death kinda thing. Also, step back from your situation and look at it from the outside. Like , you go home with a girl after a night out. You’re in a bed with her and it’s after a certain hour. By no means should you expect sex but, at the same time, I think it’s safe to assume she may be down to make out. If she rejects you? Then deal with it like a gentleman. But know that, 95% of the time (assuming she’s not resisting along the way) she probably likes you. Just to clarify, I’m not talking about shy girls who get pushed into shady situations but aggressive dudes. That’s totally different. This is more when a girl is leading the evening and , there you are…in bed with her at 2 am. Chances are, you’re good to go. Trust your instincts. A simple thing you can do is just bring up making out conversationally. Talk about it. Her reaction will guide you.

Hello there. have a seat on my brown leather couch. Tell me your problems.
it’s time once again for “Ask Dr. Tony”. That’s me. Ask me. I’m not licensed to do anything but I do think I’m a level headed person who’s not afraid to give complete strangers honest advice about their messed up lives. If you’ve got a problem that needs a fresh perspective, holler at your boy. It’s all anonymous. Email questions to me at: phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave the questions in the comment section. I’m here to help and , trust me, you guys probably need it. We all do!

So i’m currently working in the agriculture fields, I do general labor work n stuff. My bosses son, who I have a little crush on (we’ll call him D) works there, but not daily, once in a while.
Last year was my first year there. At first we didn’t talk, but after a while we started talking, we became cool. We’d have little conversations while he’d help me with work.
This year he hasn’t worked much, he’s gone maybe like 5 days. Anyways, a few weeks ago I mentioned to him that I was gonna go to a concert. He kept asking questions about it. Who I was gonna see, who I was going with, where it was etc.. So today, he worked and asked if I had gone to the concert. He mentioned how he feels he hasn’t done much with his life. So he asked me when the next time was that I was going to another concert, so I mentioned one that was coming up and he said “I’m up for it!” Then he said he had wanted to go with me to the previous one but didn’t wanna ask and be awkward or make my brother mad lol (we all work together)..so my question is, WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?
By the way, Before the concert talk I asked him how life was and he said “he had situations that had him confused” something like that..

Is he just being cool and friendly? Or is he trynna get at me or something? ALSO..he has a child. His dad has mentioned it before. I’m not sure if he’s with his baby mama or not tho.
Should I hang out with him and go the concert *if* he happens to be up for it? I like him, he’s cool, don’t strongly like him, more so infatuated lol
I need your take on this..

You trying to get the, let’s call him, “D”, huh?
It’s hard to say for certain but it sounds like someone who is trying to hang out with another person. When this happens and it involves two people of the opposite sex, it generally means that, yes, he’s trying to get at you on some level. As much as it may sadden some of you ladies out there , men don’t typically try and generate new “friendships” with women they just met. Sure, they may eventually go that way but if a dude is asking you to hang, it’s cause he has designs on you on some level. The only other thing I could see would be if he’s just really bored and doesn’t interact with people who leave the house much. Outside of that, this is a classic example of a dude looking for an in to hang out with a girl. The fact he mentioned making your brother mad seems to solidify it all.
So, yeah, if you’re into him, all you gotta do is hang out with him. Seems like a done deal to me. Just as long as it doesn’t get you fired from the weed harvesting job you and your bro have. That’s what “Agriculture” means, right?

Ok, let’s take it from the top. I meet this girl around the holidays at a party. We click pretty instantly. Nothing serious, just extremely playful and flirty. I do not hook up with her this evening, or even the next evenings over about a 6 month period. We have a lot of the same friends and attend the same functions, so we’d see each other often. I would just randomly see her around town, and we’d always just vibe off each other really well. I’d make her laugh just as much as she makes me. I think it was pretty obvious to our peers (and ourselves) that we wanted each other really bad. Over time we begin to plan seeing each other, hang out at each others houses, and just become good homies, rather than good acquaintance s. Inevitably, we start hooking up….it was very passionate, natural, and just plain awesome. Well, this lasts a couple of weeks. For some reason she just begins to ignore me for about a week, and I finally confronted her about it. She gave me this super vague answer about how she “didn’t want to break it to me” and then the exhaustively repetitive lecture of how she still wants to be friends. I was crushed bro, and that pain resonated for a while too…of course, I’m still forced to run into her quite frequently around town, and we jive just like old times! Parties with lots of friends to talk to, and we’re just in each others faces like no one’s in the room. People always think we’re together. She actually came over last night, hung out for a while with my roomies and I, but didn’t stay. And when I told her I wished she would’ve stayed she got all salty with me. I don’t get it, nor do I blame myself. How can you not have feelings for a beautiful girl that you get along with better than anybody? She told me it’s not me, she just doesn’t feel for anyone, ever. Like she’s not capable of putting herself out there to love or be loved. But when we’re together I could swear there’s something there from her end…..WHAT GIVES?!?!

It could be a few things.
It’s possible you guys hooked up and she simply wasn’t into it. Like, the spark wasn’t there for her. I don’t doubt she likes you as a person but that happens. Even when one person feels one way, it might not just all click for the other person. So, her cutting it off was just a way of ending it without having to explain that to you, which would be hard and brutal. Again, she likes you as a person so it would be understandable to avoid that convo , so you can remain friends and she can spare your feelings.

Another possibility would be that she’s just not emotionally available. She says she doesn’t feel for anyone ever? It sounds a bit like a sociopath but it’s possible. I tend to think that sort of statement is speaking on something much bigger than her real feelings. Like she’s damaged goods and this is how she copes. Either way, you’re not gonna convince her to feel differently and the more you push for this thing, the more she’ll most likely recoil.

Is it also possible that maybe part of the reason she’s acting like this is cause there’s someone else in her life? Often, when people make themselves unavailable or have sudden switch flips, it’s cause they have someone else on their mind and they’re willing to drop anything else over the slight chance of that person coming back into their lives.

I’d say you gotta just back off. Be friendly but have no expectations of ever being physical with her. You never know, that aloofness could actually turn out to work in your favor. She may no longer see you as a dude who’s jocking her super hard and then be more comfortable hooking up with you again.

Hey Dr Blockhead!
I’ve been developing this electronic music project with a friend for a while. While it’s still dance music, it’s a little bit on the weird side.
I like the music and I enjoy playing it. We recently started performing, and every time we perform we have to face the fact that half of the crow leaves the dance floor. On one side I enjoy what I’m doing, but on the other I feel like I’m not doing my job, which is, in that context, to entertain. Should I adapt my performances because of this? As a producer turned performer, do you have any advice for that?

You gotta find a happy medium there. Either that or commit all the way to a sound and say “fuck this crowd”.
With finding the happy medium you gotta take the music you make and up the energy for live shows. When I started doing live shows, I did an hour long set that was about 35 minutes of down tempo stuff. It didn’t take long for me to realize that doing downtempo music in front of a crowd was a huge energy suck out of the room. Even people who were fans of me would just stand there and stare. However, the upbeat parts of my set would always go over well. So, I aimed to somehow maintain my sensibilities and aesthetic but with a slightly raised energy level. Speed everything up enough to make it something people can at least bob their heads to. Thing is, you can’t make everyone happy but , as a performer, it’s gonna make you happier to see a crowd enjoying themselves instead of looking like they’re in a group K-hole.
As for the “Committing all the way” option, this is just you staying the path. It’s certainly riskier and typically only works with artists who have a strong fan base already. It means just doing what you wanna do and letting the crowd take it or leave it. It’s bold, depending what kinda music you make, but it could pay off in leading to having crowds who are legit there cause they love your music and they wouldn’t want you to change for them.
Those are your two main options. Good luck and godspeed.

Okay, so here my question dr Tony.
I’m in relationship for almost 2 years now, we live together for almost the same time.
We’re not having sex for few months. Before that we did maybe 1-2 times in month. It all started after 6-8 months of us being together.
He told me he love me back after 6 months. He has drinking problem, but he doesnt seem to notice that. I hoped that he would see it for now. He has a daughter from last relationship. Im 24 years old and I guess I just can’t take all this anymore. He makes me sad most of the time.
Obviously we like each other, we know each other wer well, but its just not there anymore. Im walking around the house topless or even naked and it doesnt seem to make any difference.
Why? What is going on with him? What happened, how can I change that? Im out of ideas and hope or what so ever.

Sounds like this dude has problems in his life. The drinking definitely doesn’t help. I’m guessing he’s much older than you. It just sounds like he is.
Sex drop offs in relationships can happen for so many reasons. That said, a drop after only 6 months is pretty fucking fast (no pun intended). If you were like “we’ve lived together for 4 years” I’d see it more.
Perhaps you guys rushed into this all too quickly. I mean, moving in together right away is never a good look and, honestly, for a relationship to stay fresh you do need a little space. ESPECIALLY in the beginning.
Sadly, I don’t think there is much you can do. Walking around naked won’t change anything cause the problem isn’t you. It’s him. Whatever he’s got going on in his head is beyond how you’re looking one particular day (unless, of course you have had you physical appearance drastically change in the last year or so). If the sex only was regular for 6 months then it fell off, I’d guess he’s not into sex at all. He’s probably very depressed or something. It’s sad cause, when this happens (and it happens ALL THE TIME in relationships) the girl takes all the responsibility upon herself and it shatters her self confidence. They think being extra “sexy” will refuel the flame but, often, the dude is already checked out and that’s that.
Regardless, I hate to say it but it’s most likely not going to get better so you have to make a choice. Luckily you’re still very young so perhaps getting out sooner than late isn’t the worst idea.

Hi there. Welcome to another edition of “Ask Dr. Tony”. I’m not licensed to drive a car, let alone give advice, but I do have a knack for being honest. I can, at the very least, give you a different perspective from your shithead friends, who are probably just telling you what you want to hear. So, if you’re having trouble in life, be it love or other, lemme help you. It’s anonymous and what’s the worst thing that could happen? If my advice sucks, ignore it and it will be like nothing every happened.
Send me questions to phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comment section below. Let me help you by helping me (with future blog content).
Let’s check in on this weeks patients.

Hey Dr. Tony

PS:
I really don’t have any other real friends that I hang with (besides him & 2 others that I got to know through him) because I feel really awkward and weird if I were to ask someone else if they wanna do something, (I’m actually really nice and a fun guy to be with).

Are you guys like 14 years old? This seems like a non-issue. Sounds like your cousin was being both selfish (who makes someone wait for 3 fucking hours in the cold?) and temperamental. I think you waiting 3 hours for him is reason enough to wanna pack it in for the night (It also makes you sound like a complete weirdo, by the way). It sounds like he had his mind set on going out and wasn’t trying to hear anything else. Been there. Sometimes you need the release. But , still, this can’t be that serious.
If he’s the one with other friends, why are YOU calling the girls and where are his other boys? It all doesn’t make sense to me.
I’ve certainly been in your shoes before, where a night as kinda worn itself out before it even started but you feel obligated to stick it out. Those kinda nights rarely end up anywhere and going home early shouldn’t be that big a deal.
Whatever the case, this is the kinda thing that should blow over. Without even conversing about it. It’s stupid and childish. If your cousin can’t forgive you for not wanting to go out one night, he’s an asshole and you’re better off with no friends than dipshits like him.
All that said, I’m doubting your “I’m a fun guy” claim a little bit. Just saying…

Hi Dr. Tony

Again, I’m sorry for the long mail but I hope you can help me anyway you can!! 🙂

Damn dude. It would be real easy for me to sit here and tell you “Fuck your parents! Pursue your dreams!” but , obviously, this is far more complicated then that. Between the religion, the insecurity and the depression there is so much working here that it’s certainly not something I (or anyone who’s not a professional) can really help you with.
In a perfect world, you would pursue acting. Granted, becoming a professional actor is rare. So, even if you pursue is, there chances of being successful would be very low. That said, you should have the right to do that if you so desire. The problem is your parents are old fashioned. They’re stuck in mindset that will simply not allow that, if you want to remain in their good graces. It’s a really shitty situation and one that transcends religion and culture.
If I were you, i would seek professional help. The self harm and suicidal thoughts are more than enough reason to look into that. I suppose, you just have to find a way to talk your parents into setting that up. Does islam allow for that? i honestly don’t know. Wouldn’t be shocked if it didn’t. But, clearly, you need to talk to a professional about this. It’s bigger than just you not getting to act in plays. This kinda thing stems back deep and generally needs to be worked out over the course of years and years. Good luck.

Doctor Tony,
I am 29 and live in colorado. I have not had a girlfriend since high school. Recently, my mom asked me if I planned to spend another summer single and that I need to put more effort into finding someone to date. She sounded borderline upset. I can’t blame her too much. She probably wants the best for me. I will admit I am getting older and many people my age are already married and have kids. I am into the idea of pursuing a girlfriend but it is not very high on my priority list for some reason. I went on one date last week and the girl seemed interested so there could be potential there.

Problem is, I work like 30 hours a week and when I am not working I just want to pursue my hobbies. I play electric and upright bass in some bands and make beats. As you know, playing music is fun and fulfilling but it consumes a lot of time. When I am not doing something musical, all I want to do is mountain bike or ski. When I am not working, playing music, mountain biking or skiing I just want to chill out and smoke some weed with the little free time I have. What do you suggest I do here ? Is my mom right ?
Do I need to make some changes to include a romantic relationship in my life ? Should I continue on the same path? Thanks for the advice.

Hey dude, 30 hours a week isn’t even a full work week. I realize it’s comical for me, a guy with no real job, to point that out but I know plenty of people who find time to socialize who work 60 hour work weeks. So, you know, that excuse is off the table.
I’m gonna be totally honest and say it doesn’t sound like you’re that interested in a girlfriend. Not having a girlfriend for 11 years is a little bit odd but it happens. Not desiring a girlfriend for 11 years…that’s a red flag of some sort. I’m not saying this in a dickish way but perhaps you’re simply not into girls? You sound pretty asexual to me. Most single men, especially ones your age, are at least angling to find someone. Be it just for a hook up or for something more serious. The fact you seemingly have zero interest is telling. You sound like someone who’s been castrated but, on the bright side, you have a ton of interests.
Listen, your mom wants you to have companionship cause she’s your mom. She wants you to be happy. She also probably wants grandkids and is secretly hoping you’re not gay. Like I said, she’s your mom. It’s what they do. But, this is your life. You can do whatever the fuck you want. If you don’t feel urgency from inside you to find someone to be with, then it’s not there. Forcing it won’t help. in fact, I’d argue forcing it would actually result in a bad relationship. You can’t live your life to fulfill the expectations of others.
Basically, you’re free to do whatever you want. If staying active and alone is what you enjoy, then do that. You’re already killing the game at your 30 hour a week job so why not live the life you wanna live?
Side note, nothing wrong if you’re , in fact, gay. You might wanna explore that possibility as well cause I get the feeling girls don’t really do much for you.

Hello everyone. The Doctor is in. By “In” i mean sitting in bed typing this and by “Doctor” I mean this college drop out, me. This is where you guys ask me for advice concerning your lives and love. Why me? Good question. Well, i may not be a licensed anything but I do have a logical train of thought and I’m fairly honest. Certainly a better person to ask than your dipshit friend who probably just wants to talk about themselves anyway. So, if you have questions of the heart or soul that need an answer (or, at the very least, some perspective) holler at me. Send questions to phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comments below. It’s always anonymous and I am here to help…on some level.

Sup ‘head, I saw you asking for questions and decided to give you one. It is not an interview type, more like an advice, you might put it in Dr.Tony files or whatever. It will also be long so brace yourself 🙂
Basically I need an advice on how to handle a situation with my 8 years younger brother. He is 19, and I know those years are wild, but he has become a piece of shit human being and this is going on for about 5 years now. Please don’t distract this with puberty, he is doing some things that are just wrong. I have done lots of stupid shit when I was that age but he has no regard for other human beings. He is the most selfish guy I know and nobody in our family is like that.
He is in the last grade of high school and he just failed it. Ever since junior high his grades were awful but he always got by on some test cheating shit. My grades in high school were also bad but that was because I was lazy, but I had interest in certain subjects like maths, physics and geography, I was just too lazy to learn about some irrelevant stuff like history. He on the other hand just knows nothing about anything, to the point where other people are making fun of how stupid he is. I always loved listening to hip hop music, but I listened the lyrics and gained some positive and interesting things out of it plus it probably made me learn English (I’m from Europe) along with movies and other stuff. He just listens to chief keef and bobby schmurda and manages to fail english in school every fucking year. He can’t even get one sentence right for fucks sake and our school system starts teaching you english when you are 5 years old. Is this just old guy in me talking? I’m trying to understand, but I just can’t see how someone can be satisfied with being dumb and/or knowing nothing about anything. A lot of it has to do with perspective, because he is spoiled from birth and he feels like he doesn’t need to do shit. He just lives at my parents house, drives their car, smokes and sells weed and spends lots of money. He has like 50 pairs of Jordans or some stupid shit like that. (He never worked a day in his life, plus parents don’t give him any money because he isn’t behaving well so he just steals it from them plus he makes some of it selling weed and stealing shit like iphones or headphones and then reselling it. This reads like he is a drug addict, but I’m 100% sure that he only smokes weed). So on top of that he is a real asshole to everyone in our family, just behaving terribly, promising something and then stabbing you in the back everytime he gets a chance, yelling at my mother who is trying to get him to finish school, sweet talking grandparents for money and then never calling them until he needs money again and so on. He also gets into fights a lot. Basically he has became a piece of shit human being who is just using everyone, with no skills and no prospects in life. Oh, and he idolizes some local criminals who just happen to know him through me (they are my age). One of them gave him a ride in his Mercedes Benz and he was talking about it for the next couple of days. I don’t want to be overreacting, maybe he just needs to mature. Maybe him behaving this way is screaming for help, but he is basically just a spoiled little shit. I know this is my brother I’m talking about and if he were not I would just cut ties with him years ago. I really want to help him in some way, because parents will not support him forever and they are talking about kicking him on the street but they don’t have the heart to do it. I don’t know. Damn, I said I was going to be long. So, questions:
1. is this going to pass? Am I just being an old guy and he is just young and dumb and acting out? I remember I got a little more serious around 20 or something, but I was never this drastic in my behavior and this removed from reality.
2. if not, what can I or anyone else do about it before he becomes a 35 years old guy with no education, no skills, no job and a basement full of Jordans and brand new clothes, probably a debt to local tough guys. I mean, god forbid, if something happens to my parents he would probably die within a week. He goes to hairdresser every other day, AND HE IS A FUCKIN GUY, he lives like he is a movie star or something, just that he steals all the money from my parents and behaves like a total asshole to them and everyone else. His friends are all my age and maybe this is the problem, because he thinks he should be ahead but in reality he is falling behind his age group by becoming a high school dropout. He used to idolize me when we were younger (like all younger brothers do) and I could talk to him and he would listen, but now since I got serious and finished a civil engineering college he has lost all respect for me. I also snitched on him a couple of times, once when he stole my mothers car while not having a license and also when he stole my fathers speedboat also without license and drove around drunk. I didn’t want to be that guy, but he went to far and I felt that this was maybe the best thing to do for his own good. Couple of times I wanted to seriously fight him when he was being disrespectful to my mother who cares deeply about him and he just makes her nervous 24/7, but fighting would probably make matters even worse.
I don’t know if I presented a cohesive question but I focused on painting an accurate picture with as much detail as possible. So, what can I do for my brother to become a normal human being or is all the hope lost?

Damn dude. That’s rough (and an unbelievably long way to tell me your brother is an asshole). I’d say there is a bright side and a dark side to this.
On the bright side, he is only 19. He’s clearly impressionable and is focused on the wrong things. Honestly, he sounds like a product of the internet. It wouldn’t shock me if 50% of todays youth was kinda like that. But, like I said, he’s only 19. That is the pinnacle age to act like a total sack of shit. It’s a time when all you care about it yourself and your friends. Life’s realities are real yet. He’s still living at home and finding ways to get money. He has no responsibilities.

The dark side is , like you said, he’s kinda digging a hole for himself but failing school. Not that that isn’t something you can do later but still…he obviously doesn’t give a fuck and no stern talking to is gonna change that right now. He’s going to have to realize that by himself.

The problem is, he just might be an asshole. Think of the world and think how many assholes exist. Is it so unlikely that one would be in your family? Simply playing the odds, every family has a few assholes in it. Yours happens to be your brother.

I think , because he’s so entitled and maybe a bit of a sociopath, the only way to really shut it down is if your parents do it. The kick him out the house, cut off all money and just let him deal with that for a while. I realize this is not something most loving parents do but , if it’s as bad as you say and getting worse, it may be the only option.

You ask if this is going to pass. Well, it should. That said, there are some people out there who are just wired to be that guy. Until your bro is faced with some adversity, you won’t really know what is going on in his head. Your fear of him being a 35 year old with no education and new jordans is worthy but, let’s be honest, unless he kicks up his drug dealing, it’s not gonna happen. The shit will hit the fan way before that every happens.

So, to summarize, I’m afraid this is out of your hands. He’s gonna do what he does until it falls apart. Your parents can lean on him and try to push him in a direction via tough love but even that isn’t a guarantee. It’s a shitty situation for sure. Sorry, dude.

Dear Dr. Tony,

What’s with guys wanting to cum in girl’s faces?

Well, this is quite a switch up in both tone and length from the last one, isn’t it?
Anyway, I think there’s a lot to this. There are more than one reason why guys like cumming in girls faces. Let me list them:
1)The visual
As dudes, our cum is something we’ve grown up watching. It’s an explosion and to see it shoot into someones face must hit some mental switch with us that’s like throwing a fire cracker when you’re a kid.
2)It’s slutty and we like things that are slutty
I think part of what turns guys on about it is that it’s something that not every girl does. I’d venture to say most well adjusted girls would probably opt out of the facial if it were up to them. However, when you come across (cum across) a girl who’s down, it’s exciting for guys. It’s scummy. For some reason, that kind of thing just causes our receptors to flicker. It’s very animalistic and , for a girl to be into that, it feels naughty. I’m speaking here of girls who legit are not bothered by it. I don’t really buy that many girls actually LIKE it but I can believe some get caught up in the heat of the moment. Passion does strange things to people. It’s feverish.
3)It’s degrading and it’s a power play
Let’s be real. Most facials are done by guys pushing it on the girls they’re with. If it were up to the girls, they wouldn’t put that load anywhere near them or their hair. In instances like this, where the guy is clearly pushing the issue, I gotta think it’s the guy “seeing what he can get away with”. He doesn’t care how it makes the girl feel or what that moment, right after he finishes will feel like. He wants to know he can blow wazz in a girls face cause, why not? Unlike the hot slutty facial, this is a dude displaying his dominance in spite of what the girl may or may not be into. Basically, if a dude ever did this to you, you should stop fucking him immediately cause he’s an asshole and doesn’t respect you at all.
4)Cause she asks for it.
Yes, this may seem like a fairy tale but those girls do exist. There are times when a dude isn’t even thinking of closing out like that and girl will suggest it. Very few guys are gonna be like “Umm…Nah, that’s okay…”
Now, the psychology of the girl who desires the facial is something entirely different that is way out of my league to understand but still, it happens.

Here’s my first ever follow up question! Hooray! It worked! If you’ve asked me stuff before and wanna update on what happened or you have a follow up question, please do.

My original question was the second Question on volume 45.

https://phatfriend.com/2015/04/23/ask-dr-tony-vol-45/

I definitely needed to hear that from a guys perspective even though I knew what it was.. Thank you! The ramping up started soon after I wrote in. I guess my question now is since it is clear to me that he feels a lot stronger for me than when he did when I wrote in should I even bother with the “what are we” talk? He calls me baby in person and through text, he’s made an effort to see me more often and tells me how much he likes me and that he’s sprung on me.. He holds my hand in the car and recently asked me to start staying with him for half of the week..What are we necessary? I don’t want to put any pressure on him. He also has a toddler who is with him for most of the time and crazy work hours.. I feel like it’s kind of an unspoken understanding that with time whatever it is that we have will grow. He’s 28 im 24.

It sounds to me like it’s a relationship. Assuming neither of you are seeing other people, that is. Here’s the thing though…you could easily be his #1 girl. I mean, you must be. But there is a part of most men’s brain that , until it’s OFFICIALLY locked down, he’s still technically a free agent. So, in a way, you kinda have to have a conversation with him about eventually. The “What are we?” convo is every dudes nightmare. In general, when it hasn’t happened, it’s for a reason but still…if it’s bugging you and it feel like he’s going that way, it’s gotta be addressed eventually. The downside is that you might not get the answer you wanna hear OR he may tell you what you wanna hear but then feel pressured.
A good way to know where you stand are these signs:
1)Have you met and hung out with his friends?
2)Do you still ONLY text each other?
3)Does he every hang out with you socially?
4)Do you think there are other girls?
5)Have you met and hung out with his kid?

That’s just five quick ones off the top but if the answer is no to most of those, it sounds to me like you might be stuck in pussy purgatory. Not quite a girlfriend but more than a booty call. I guess , all you can do is say something and she what happens. OR, if you’re content with how it is, just ride it out until it’s no longer fun.

Hey Tony,

So, lately I’ve been having a lot of trouble communicating with people. I’ve been going through kind of a rough time in my life and I feel like every time I try to talk to people about my troubles, I either come off as a wimpy dude that can’t stop complaining about his own life or as an incredibly rude person that’s bothering people for no apparent reason. As a new student in Chicago, I have trouble fitting in. I am either seen as an artist that’s making moves he’s not ready for or as someone that’s pretentious and thinks he’s better than the people around him (I have an unintentionally pretentious accent). Even though I try my best to approach people with kind intentions, I can’t help being misunderstood. Is it possible that it’s just my personality and I can’t do much about it or is there a way for me to recover from this mind frame of “why does everyone hate me?”

Sounds to me like you’re running through the 6 with your woes.

Nah, but seriously, you just sound very insecure about everything. From who you are as a person to how people view you. This is normal for someone in college. It’s a time of self discovery and you haven’t discovered yourself yet.
What’s a pretentious accent? Are you a british nobel? Even if you are, if nothing else, girls like accents. I can’t see that being the issue. Maybe you have a certain look on your face that reads as snobby. Like the male equivalent to “resting bitch face”.
To be honest, it just sounds like you’re not comfortable socially. You’re trying to hard. The first thing you gotta do is stop being all “woe is me!” about it. You’re letting your insecurity control you. Insecure people act out in many ways. Some over compensate. Some go into a shell. Sounds like you’re a mixture of both.
You just have to relax and let it come to you. This probably seems like forever right now but it’s just college. Most people have these feelings in high school, go to college and have a hard time at first, then figure it out. I’m sure you’re no different. You can make friends. If you truly are a decent person, it will happen eventually. If you’re actually a smug, pretentious artist who tries too hard? Well, it’s gonna be a little tougher. Unless you get famous, of course. Then you’ll be super fucking popular.