What’s up? The doctor is back with that advice that will one day save your life. Well, not really but perhaps I can at least give you some perspective on your shitty love life. As always, I’m not a licensed anything but I do have an uncanny ability to give you the honest truth (as I see it) in respect to your romantic debacles. If you have more relationship questions, email me them at phatfriendblog@gmail.com Send them whenever as I’m always taking submissions.
Anyway, on with this weeks bag of issues.

ok, here’s what i’m dealing with….i was in a relationship with this girl from a little before new years until the end of march. we were started off as friends of friends until she sent me an email that said she wanted to hang out exclusively. at first i was on the fence, bc i wasn’t entirely attracted to her, but ended up hangin out with her anyway. she’s a cool chick! great taste in music, outgoing personality, really sweet….well, we ended up smoochin and cuddlin after a month or 2 and started dating. she became really attached, said how much she was falling for me, and was always very affectionate. i’m a little wary about falling for people so quick, so i wasn’t as into it as she was….but as time went on i felt myself drawing closer. SO here we are, luvvy dubby and shit for a few months, things are going swimmingly…i like her a lot at this point (really close to loving her)….until one day she decides she isn’t happy with me. it seemed completely spontanious! she literally uttered those words “i love you” for the first time just a couple nights before introducing this epiphany to me! needless to say, she broke up with me a few days later and i was left heartbroken. we didn’t see or speak to each other for about a month. we hung out together w/ some mutual friends one day, and that was ok. we didn’t interact so much, but i was fine with it. i think about her a lot tho, and i told her (my intention wasn’t to get her back). and she gave me the usual “chinup!” rundown.
so here’s where the situation gets a little sticky….we have a mutual friend that was moving to michigan, and i’m pretty tight with this dude. he hung out at my place a few days before he left. well, apparantly, my ex moved WITH him! i found out a few weeks after the fact from somebody else. i was shocked, confused, hurt, upset, and most of all just down right pissed off. i kind of went off on her and said some things i probably shouldn’t have said (quote: called her a heartless bitch) and it’s just been boggling my mind.
so here’s the question…..do i have the right to be mad??? i kind of feel like an asshole. from an outside perspective, they’re doing no wrong. they’re both really happy in a new place, and that’s a good thing. all’s fair in love in war, right? but people still get hurt. i’m hurting pretty bad. i was thinking about calling him mono-a-mono to just talk about the situation. i’m very pro Bro’s over ho’s, but that’s kind of a dick thing to do to your homie, aint it? and also i should be happy for my ex because she’s happy, right? BUT she did kind of fuck me over….twice….2nd time feeling a little worse than the 1st…. i don’t know dr. Tony, how would you feel??

Dude, you have the right to feel however you wanna feel. If you want to never talk to either of those people again, you’re justified. If you want to be the bigger man and just move on without making any drastic declarations about how this all hurt you, then you can do that too.It really depends if you’re a grudge holder type. But regardless of that, you 100% have the right to feel like you got shit on here. There’s obviously more to this story than you know and I’m guessing, if you found out, that stirring of rejection and anger will probably explode into full on rage. Something isn’t sitting right with me about this and all I did was read two paragraphs.

If this girl was THAT serious about you, something pretty intense must have happened for her to just drop everything and bounce with that other dude. I don’t wanna say that kind of thing is unheard of but it’s certainly rare. That is, of course, unless there’s more of a history between the two than you are aware of. Whatever it is, it’s gonna suck when you hear the truth about. But beyond that, you might of dodged a bullet cause any girl willing to drop everything and move all of a sudden is lacking in some serious logic and definitely is only thinking about herself.

I’m all for being the bigger man in this situation but no rationalizing of “bro’s before hoe’s” is gonna make you feel okay about this. You got played. The only way you should feel is shitty.

I’m in my late twenties, been in a relationship for over four years and it’s something I definitely could see turning into marriage. I’ve never been a socially awkward guy and never had an issue talking to girls, I also know I’m a good looking guy at least at this point in life before time and alcohol catch up to me. The Girl I’m with is cool, hot, and shares a lot of similar interests with me as well being able to hang out with the guys and not be annoying, not to mention being able to put up with me being a moody bastard.

Long story short, before my current relationship I had dated a girl for quite awhile, was a complete mess of a relationship that drug on too long (Last yr of high school-First couple years of college) and about half way through college I broke it off. I had a good year and a half as a single guy before hooking up with current girl and never thought much of it. Even when I was single I would hook up with girls but for whatever reason I never really went too far with any of them (except for one 1 night stand) even though I easily could have. Basically once I figured out I could hook up with the random girl I lost interest and most of it didn’t go much further than making out, etc.

After doing this for a awhile I started dating current girl and for years as far as I was concerned I had a pretty awesome relationship and never considered the fact that I should be out slaying hoodrats or else I would be filled with anguish and regret in my later years. Most of my friends (maybe cause I live in a major city?) are similar to what you’ve described, they’ve hooked up with a ton of girls (though my friends have zero standards and have banged tons of more than questionable broads that I’d never even think of hooking up with if I was single)

So considering this long ass, novel like story, is there something wrong with me and am I gonna horribly regret this decision later in life? Should I get out of the relationship now and hook up with as many girls as possible or something? I definitely see the appeal of the other side, but I’d hate to throw away something great for just random hook ups. At the same time I don’t wanna be one of those guys who ends up cheating on his wife/girlfriend constantly because he feels like he missed out on something when he was younger.

It’s clear you’re a relationship guy. You’re not the same breed as a typical guy who just wants to get his dick wet. Because of this, I don’t see any reason to break up with a girl just to sew your wild oats. Your oats ain’t that wild, bro. Sure, there will be times when you’re married and bored and all you can think about is that girl you should have fucked but the reality of it is that you’re not that type of guy. And, in my experience, guys like that don’t do well under those “single guy” circumstances. They fuck a few randoms, are never really comfortable with it and end up settling down with someone fairly quickly.
Put it this way…You know those types of girls who ALWAYS have a boyfriend? Like they break up and then talk about how excited they are to be single but, within a month, they’re “In love” again? You’re the guy version of that. There’s nothing wrong with it but you can’t turn that into an international playboy. Honestly, you should be relieved. Most dudes I know in relationships , regardless of how many girls they bedded prior to that relationship, are in a constant state of regret about what could have happened and what would be happening if they were single. To not have that as a prominent thing in your life, I’d say you’re one of the lucky ones.

I am sending this super late b/c I LITERALLY cannot sleep…I’m shook.

(I’m gonna try & make this as short as possible)

Ok, so I’m in a committed monogamous (to my knowledge anyway) w/ the most amazing man. Nigga is perfect and I am totally in love w/ him.
Anyway, I just recently met his friends. Well, turns out I used to fuck one of his best friends…often. This was roughly 4 years ago.
His friend was visibly like “wtf this bitch” when he saw me, but he didn’t say anything to me or my SO about our fling or w/e you wanna call it.
I did not know they were friends & honestly, if I had known they were friends…I would’ve never gotten involved with my SO b/c being known as a homie hopper is not the move you know?
I’m one of those honesty is the best policy type of chicks BUT I know how men’s egos/pride are & all my guy friends are like “don’t say shit” or “he gon dump you yo, I would dump you” or if he asks you, “deny deny deny!”
Obviously, my question is should I tell my SO or carry the secret to my grave?
And how should the conversation go? Should I have a convo w/ his friend first or should they both be present?
If you were in this situation, would you want to know/would you forgive your girlfriend?
Your advice is greatly appreciated!! ❤

This is tricky cause there are a lot of variables. Is the current man the jealous type? Some dudes are either totally rattled by shit like this or it doesn’t phase them. If he seems like the type who would be horrified by hearing this, I suppose you can’t really tell him. However, if he’s not a bitch made , insecure kinda dude, than it might be for the better cause , if you guys stay together, he might find out on his own eventually.
I’d say you should contact the friend and fuck him more…just kidding. But I do think you should contact the friend and ask him what he thinks. See if he’s comfortable with it. If not, than you know it’s a secret that will keep and it’s safe to lock it away. If he’s okay with you telling him, then you should do it. It’s best to just air that kinda thing out sometimes.

Just a word of advice, if you do tell him, be mindful of how you do it. Don’t make a huge deal about it. The more of a “I have to tell you something serious” moment you make it, the harsher is gonna seem. I’m not saying just mention it in passing but downplaying it is the route to go. If he wants details, be vague. He doesn’t need to know you fucked the dude 59 times. Just assure him that it was a long time ago and he’s all that matters now.
You’re right about male insecurity and beyond telling him about how his friends dick is bigger, something like this will inevitably tap into his ego…you just gotta hope he’s the type of dude who can handle it. But, considering this all happened before you knew him, if he gets really upset, fuck that dude. If he cares about you, he will just accept it, deal with it and move on.
No guy should be naive enough to think there were no dicks before him and no guy should get mad at those dicks as long as they remain in the past. If he cares more about his pride because someone he knows also had sex with you than he does your relationship, it’s a pretty shitty relationship.

So I crossed the forbidden “friend zone” line. I’ve been friends with this girl for 7 years. We did everything together, all the time. We slept in the same bed many times, but never cuddled or anything like that, mostly just tickling and play fighting. I always wanted to kiss her, but never thought I would and I was completely fine with being her best friend.

Last winter when she came home for the holidays is when things changed. One night we went to a club, where my car was broken into and her laptop was stolen. All her pictures and 400 gigs of music was lost (I told her all the time to back that shit up). She was vulnerable and I was there to comfort her. We ended up going back to my house, split a bottle of wine and just cuddled all night. We both knew things changed between us, but I still didn’t really think anything would happen between us.

Then last week, we were hanging out and when she left we flirtatiously alluded to us being together through texting. I kind of took this as my “in” to make a move. Two days later I was at her house. When I had to leave, I called her outside to say bye. I walked up to her and put my hands on her face, but she pulled away because her front door was open and her dad was watching t.v. close by so we went out more. She was saying this is too quick and she wants to go slow. I said we can start slow with a kiss, so she pulled her hair back and lifted her chin and I kissed her. I left right after, she then texted me she was COMPLETELY SHOCKED and had no idea what just happened. She was flustered and said no one has ever surprised her like that.

Later that same night at about 10 she asked me if I wanted to get a beer with her. So, we met at a hookah bar and smoked and drank. We acted as if nothing happened earlier that day, we were laughing and joking just as much as ever. We left and went to Taco Bell to eat and hang out in her car. At about 3am I decided to get out and “leave”. I went to her door and opened it. She knew what was coming and was hesitant. She was nervous, so I pulled her out and we kissed again. We ended up making out in the back seat of her car till 6am. We both thought this is crazy and the one thing you’re not supposed to do with your best friend. She’s nervous and scared about this whole situation, and I have no idea how to handle it because I’ve never even seen others in this predicament. Both of us haven’t been in serious relationships in about 4 years.

This is completely new territory for me and my plan is to just go as slow as she wants and not force anything. Or should I? Should I wait for her to figure out what she really wants?

50 shades of grey ass dude…Those make out descriptions were HAWT!
Anyway,
This is a tough one cause I don’t get a 100% feeling that she’s signed on for the ride. Granted, I’m just going off what you wrote but her hesitance makes me think she’s mulling it over. This could honestly go either way. I get it though. As close friends , turning a friendship into a relationship is tricky. It could all backfire and you’d both be out of a friend…but, on the same note, it’s kinda impossible to truly be friends with someone who you desire more than just a friendship from. I mean, you can do it, but there will always be that cloud of rejection and inequality in the relationship.

Because I feel like she’s undecided, you should definitely take it slow. As slow as she wants you to take it. I’m guessing she needs to get her bearings and figure out where she stands in all of this. The shock of you actually viewing her like that and not just your pal probably confused her a bit.

All in all, be patient but also don’t get your hopes up. The friendzone transition is never easy and rarely works out how people envision it to. Also avoid Taco Bell if you’re gonna be hooking up all night.

What’s up everyone.
Here’s another installment of the best advice you could ever ask for. I’ll be honest…I’ll try to not to flower shit up too much cause life simply isn’t black and white. I also have no background or education in this sort of thing so, you know, take it all with a grain of salt. I mean, if you’re really basing serious life choices on my opinion, you got problems beyond anything I can fix.
ANYHOO, Send me more questions like this to my email: phatfriendblog@gmail.com or in the comments below. Despite what I wrote above, i think i do give decent perspective and, really, I’m here to help…

Dr. Tony,

I have a problem you might not’ve encountered in a number of years. I’m 19, in my first year of college. Like any fresh-out-of-highschooler, i was disappointed when college turned out not to be the nonstop fuckfest that we all thought it would be. Fast forward one semester and I’m still a virgin, though i’ve gotten a BJ/HJ here or there. ANYWHO, I ask out this asian girl that I’ve gone on a few dates with, and we start to date. So we’re going out for about a month, and she’s gone down on me a few times, and all is well, yet every time we get “intimate”, I notice that she WON’T take her shirt of (she says she’s ‘self conscious’), and she WON’T let me do anything to her. Finally I decide to skip the hurdles and go straight for the finish line. Needless to say, I get completely rejected (we’re talking Tyson Chandler rejection). She tells me that, and I quote, she “wants to lose her virginity to the man she’s going to marry”. Keep in mind that she isn’t zealously religious at all. At this point it’s taking every ounce of my spirit to a.) stifle laughter at such a naive statement and b.) resist the urge to get up, walk out, and never return. I assure her that it’s o.k., because it’s not like i’m going to tell her off for not bending to my penis’ will, but this is where the problem lies. Wanting to keep your v-card was understandable in the early years of high school, but WE’RE 19 FUCKING YEARS OLD. I really like this girl, but she’s obviously not the girl I’m going to marry, so I mean what’s the point if not to get through this year together and occasionally fool around? I don’t want to break up with her over something so petty, but is this a legitimate dealbreaker, if her values and mine clash at such a personal level? Or could this be her way of making me work harder for it? This all happened last night, so it’s a bit of an emergency here doc. Any advice/perspective would be awesome.

Sounds to me like she wants a commitment and holding out on vaginal entrance is how she plans to get it. Virgins, both male and female, often have skewed view of the importance of sex. They put it on a pedestal cause they don’t “Get it”. Sure, some stick to their guns after they’ve had it but, in most cases, they realize that sex is fun and why stop yourself from having fun? This same girl may be fucking 4 guys a month within 3 years. You never know.

Also, 19 is pretty young. So it’s understandable that she might still have these values and take this kinda shit very seriously. Sure, most people lose their V-card by then but some girls are gonna wanna hold on to it. In your case, this all depends on how long you wanna wait and how big of a scum bag you wanna be about it.
here are your options as i see them:
1)Tell her you appreciate her honesty and respect her choice but that this isn’t gonna work for you , as you a 19 year old male virgin who doesn’t want to remain a virgin until he’s in love.
2)Lie to her and say everything she wants to hear , date her and shit until she lets you hit it. Then , once you hit it, you can either keep hitting it and getting in deeper into this terrible lie or back off, leaving her feeling like complete shit and regretting every decision she’s ever made. (this is all assuming she actually likes you, which I don’t know if I’m even sold on. This could be one of those situations where she’s just gassing you up, but if the right dude came along, she’d fuck him immediately. You never know)
3)Settle in for the long haul and wife her. You’ll eventually get the sex. I don’t recommend this one at all though, cause you’re 19.

Basically, I’d say you need to break up with her nicely cause you’re head is obviously looking for sex and her head is elsewhere. There will be more pussy in your life. I promise. If you can get one blow job, you can get ten. Be patient. Girls don’t like pushy/desperate virgins. Play it cool and the vagina will find it way to you.

He’s the story. I met this girl at a party few months ago. Didn’t pay any attention to her, even found her stupid (and still do). I was talking to with people and she’s been around for a while, listening to the conversation but not talking much. The thing is that 4 or 5 times she had intense sights to me that I still don’t explain. Didn’t pay much attention to that at the moment, but I noticed.
One thing I have to tell is that the only acquaintane we have in common is pretty much of a douchebag I don’t like.
Few weeks later we met again and that time we talked for hours. She seemed interessed and amused by what I said, and we had lots of interests in common. In fact she didn’t talked that much, but a good listener. I didn’t find her smart or anything but I was drunk and she seemed to like listening to my bullshit.
I had to leave the party and sais bye, at that moment she seemed sad to see me leaving. She looked like a kid seeing his lovy puppy go away, sincerely. That’s when I had that feeling I still don’t explain. Few hours I was thinking of her… a lot !
Sometimes I think I’m a fool and that I misinterpret “signs”… sometimes I think there’s something.
I randomly ran into her in the street few weeks ago. She saw me but acted like she didn’t (brief eye contact and fast head turn, you know what i mean).
I eventually texted her to get some news with no response.
Now here I am, going nowhere, couldn’t be more happy than getting her out of my mind. And I’m pretty sure that if I’d got her, I’d have dumped her.
If only eternal sunshine of the spotless man was not fiction, I’d not write you…

So, what to do ?

You do nothing. Your interest in her is based 100% on conquest and ego due to the fact she kinda blew you off. There was a definite window there and you didn’t take it, so it’s gone now. That doesn’t mean the window is forever shut (perhaps she’s got a man now or something) but who really cares? A girl you kinda sorta wanted to fuck and discard didn’t call you back…get over it.

In a healthy relationship, what percentage of importance would you give to emotional vs. physical attraction? (100% emotional being in the deep friendzone and 100% physical being fuckbuddies)

I think that depends on the couple. I’ve seen couples who are 85% sexually driven who’s relationships are horror movies but they stay together for like 4 years cause the sex keeps them there. At the same time, I’ve seen people who basically become best friends and the sex vanishes but they end up getting married.

I look at this way…sex is important. But actually getting along with the person you’re committed to is even more important. This is a person you have to be able to communicate with, hang out with, joke around with, make life decisions with…The fucking is just one aspect. I’d say anywhere between 70%-60% of it should be friendship. Cause,eventually, the sex is gonna wane and then what do you have? That’s why you see old ass couple shuffling down the street hand in hand. It’s not cause they’re still fucking…it’s cause they’re each others best friends.
It’s also the reason I advise people to stay single for as long as possible. Get all your fucking out of the way so, when it’s tim to settle down, your dick/vagina isn’t clouding your judgement as far as what kinda partner you choose.

Dr. Tony,

This might be a little different from your regular “should I hit it or not?” questions…

I work an office job. I met this girl (Girl 1) at work, and have known her for about 4 years now. I used to consider her a “friend”, even though I kept it strictly work-only. When we met, she let on right away that she was interested, and used to drop hints for me to ask her out. She started to creep me out though, because she seemed really needy, and I could tell that she was stalking me on Myspace, from some conversations we had. So I would always come up with an excuse not to hang out. I never found her even remotely bonerable either. She is about 12 years older than me, one of those holier-than-thou vegetarian, hybrid car types, and overweight. (I know that makes me sound like an asshole, but I usually go for short, thick girls).

2 years after we met… She started dating some guy from work. I was happy that she was off my nuts, and everything was good. One day, on my lunch break, I was pulling through a drive-thru, and I see dude walking into the restaurant with a different girl (Girl 2) from work. They see me, I see them, and I don’t give a shit. I went back to work, and Girl 1 confronts me about it, asking “did you see my boyfriend in the parking lot with Girl 2 at that restaurant?” It turns out, she was spying on them the whole time, hiding in the bushes. She was too ashamed to admit that she was spying, so she wanted to use me as an excuse, in order to call out her boyfriend. I told her “I don’t think so…My visions bad…I can’t see too well”. I didn’t want to get wrapped up in some bullshit with 3 coworkers.

2 years later… She is still dating the same guy. She just got one of her coworkers fired, because he “wasn’t a team player”, and she has been bragging about it. I took that guys old job, because it was a good raise, but now I have to work on a small team with her. Ever since I refused to rat out her boyfriend, she has been a complete bitch. She ignores me if I say “hi”. She refuses to acknowledge most work-related things I say, except to correct me, or call out my mistakes in public, especially in front of Management. She is holding a grudge against me, and I think she will jump at an opportunity to get me fired next.

Blockhead, how do you put bitches in their place? Can I make some sort of peace offering to this animal, or is there a better angle to play?

Man…that sucks. She sounds like a disaster of a person. I’m always very fearful of people who let pettiness dictate their lives.
I think you’ve played everything right thus far. Not snitching about that dude was a good play cause, hey, it’s none of your business.
I think the best thing you can do is play it cool. Kill her with kindness. I’m not saying flirt with her but I’m also saying to soften up your vibe around her. I realize she’s being the irrational cunt here but I’m afriad that’s just how irrational cunts are. Eventually, if your nice enough she’ll have no choice but to at least be somewhat pleasant back.
So, while you’re doing this, you might also wanna collect evidence of her behavior. If she does something unprofessional, write it down. That bragging about getting the dude fired would be a prime example…that’s some fucked up shit and the fact she’s dumb enough to publicly vocalize that she did it leads me to believe she’s a fucking idiot who probably spills all sorts of beans…probably cause she’s insecure, but with power. A dangerous combo if there ever was one.
So, yeah, just watch your own back and create a little file to defend yourself with if that time ever comes. Hell, throwing in her making “advances” at you can’t hurt either. If she’s a shitty as you make her sound, I’m sure other people in the office would have your back.

Hello everyone. I’m back with some terrible advice. Something I’ve forgotten to do in these recent posts is stress that I’m not a licensed anything. There is no medical background to any of this advice so , if you take it and your life ends up in squalor, don’t come looking to sue my ass. You’re the moron taking advice from a hip hop producers blog. That said, i think I’m usually on point and fair so, take that for what it is as well.
Also, I’m running low on questions! Send me new ones. If you got problems of a romantic nature, need a mans perspective on some girly issue you got going on, or need me to tell you to shit or get off the pot, let’s do this…
email questions to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com
And, on with the program…

I am currently having this crazy internal struggle as to whether I should let this girl know I have feelings for her. Here are the problems I have with this;

A) She’s my best friend and I really don’t want to ruin that if theirs no chance of us being in a relationship.

B) She has made it known that she does not want to be involved in a relationship of any sort at the time. ( I have an inside source that has confirmed this )

C) She’s 19 and I’m 24, yeah I know.

The other thing is that she may very well know how I feel already ( told a friend of hers in a drunken rant ) and is just trying to ignore it so we can keep on the same page as we are right now. I may also be completely over analyzing everything.

Basically, What would you do (sans marc summers)? Logic tells me that I should wait until shes a bit older and has a more mature head on her shoulders. But I also know logic plays no roll in these things.

It’s pretty clear that all signs point to leaving it alone. From what I gather, there has been nothing she’s done that would make you think what you two have is anything more than a friendship. I think your instincts are right in thinking she’s aware of it (they usually are) and ignoring it.
It sucks but sometimes you just gotta take the loss in these kind of situations. Not every girl is gonna like every guy that likes her. In fact, they usually prefer the guy that doesn’t like them. Especially young girls.
So, feel free to give it some time. Maybe she’ll come around but , the reality is , she might not and probably won’t. Unless you get rich and famous…then you can piss in her eyes and she’ll thank you.
The more pressing question here is why is your “best friend” a 19 year old girl? That sounds fucking terrible.

there’s this girl in my class who is soooooo hot but she is 20 (i’m 25)… and yeah.. she is actually retarded. still, i just wanna fuck her but i don’t think we could even be friends… and i have to see her everyday till one of us is done with the college.

i don’t really give a fuck about it, as i know i don’t like her and she is 5 years younger than me, have nothing to share with her, etc… but i’m scared that one of these days i will be drunk and it will just happen… should i keep avoiding it or just go for it???

thx Mr Dr Love!!!

This depends on a few things.
1)Does she “like” you. meaning, if you fucked her would she want more out of it.
2)How well do you handle slightly awkward situations?

If she has a legit crush on you, you fuck her and then don’t date her, it’ll be a bad scene for a little bit. but, eventually , all parties will move on. Its not like she’s gonna sit there stewing over that drunken mistake she made in her freshman year for the entirety of college. She’ll get older, wiser, fuck tons of other dudes and forget you ever dogged her out in the first place. Sure, you won’t be friends but, like you said, that’s not really an option anyway.
My advice would be to not be afraid to do it but , once the deed is done, be respectful of her feelings, This doesn’t mean date her out of guilt but be straight up with her. For all you know, you could have just landed the worlds greatest booty call. For all you know, she thinks you’re a disgusting pig. You’ll never really know until you do it.
Basically, go for it but don’t be a dick about it afterwards. Honesty in these kind of situations in the great equalizer cause , if you’ve never lied to them, everything is out in the open and harder to misunderstand.

At the moment I’m single and having a tough time meeting girls. It’s kind of hard to admit this, but I met my ex-girlfriend on a dating website. So I was wondering if should take the same route and join one of those stupid sites again to try to find girls. I have the hardest time just meeting girls when I go out and I only have guy friends so the chance of meeting a girl thru my friends or going out is close to non-existant. So my question is what do you recommend I should do to meet girls? I don’t want to meet a girl at a club or a bar because that only means that that girl wants to be out and about and clubbing all the time and that’s not my type of girl. Or should I just stick to randomly trying to meet somebody online? Sorry that this question/commentary makes close to no sense but I just want to know what you would do to try to meet new girls.

There was a time when meeting people on the internet was considered the “dungeons and dragons” of pussy getting. However, I’d say that stigma is long gone at this point. Everyone meets people online nowadays. Whether it be chatting up some girl you met once on facebook , hooking up with strangers from craig’s list or dating people off of match.com. So, I’d say have no shame in jumping right back into that. You sound like someone who has very particular interests (IE: you’re not a party guy/very social) so a dating website seems perfect for you. Don’t have any shame in that.
I’m probably older than you but I have a bunch of friends who are on those things and they do well for themselves…and I know a few girls on them as well who are legitimately attractive/cool so it’s not like you’re sifting through pages of psychotic narwhal’s.

I could make this story long as hell but ill keep to to a paragraph. So I met this girl about 4 years ago through one of my guy friends. We hung out a time or two and got drunk one night and hooked up in her dorm room. It was an awkward morning because I honestly had no interest in this girl other than being a friend and was well wayyy to drunk and was thinking with my dick. So she called me the next day and asked if I could come over and talk. When I got there she ranted for like 20 min about how much she liked me and wanted to know how I felt. I felt teriible telling her that I saw her as nothing more than a friend but I didnt want to lead her on anymore than I already had. Well she got pissed and started crying and got way depressed and quit talking to me for a while. Then she text me one day a few months and we started hanging out again as friends and then all the sudden she tells me she still really likes me and asks if I like her. I said I saw her only as a friend still, she responded with, I dont think I can be your friend anymore cause I like you to much and you dont like me back. So i was like ahh ok. I ended up quitting my job a little bit later and bought a VW bus and drove it around the country for a few months and then moved to south dakota and chicago and then phoenix. While i was doing all this moving we kept in touch and she actually came out to see me in south dakota. And pretty much told me the same thing she always has when she was heading back home.. I cant do this anymore i like you to much and its killing me that you dont feel the same. Blah blah blah..So we had been talking for quite a few months recently and bout a month ago she text me and gave this shpeeel about a bunch of girl shit and said she couldnt talk to me anymore…the usual..Well i moved to Portland since that last text convo and just yesterday she text me again asking if we could catch up and what not and then called me. I ignored everything.. She is a cool girl to hang out with and is a good friend and we have quite a few mutual friends and she actually talks to my mom too. Now my question is..should I just not respond to anything and hope she gets over me. Or respond and see what happends?

Damn bro. She’s obsessed. I mean, is there any chance she’s gonna see you and not start telling you she loves you? Probably not. I’ve never been a big proponent of straight up ignoring people you’re friends with but you do have to set the record straight with her once and for all. Because she obviously can’t handle being in the same room with you without becoming a mess, I’d suggest an email. Instead of her constantly giving you the emotional ultimatum , you give her one. Be like “listen, we’re good friends but i feel like as long as you have feelings for me, this cannot work a a friendship”. Obviously, flower that sentence up a little and make it nicer but that’s the gist.After all, what do you really have to lose? If she were to never contact you again, I’m pretty sure life would go on just fine.
To be honest, you guys met through a one night stand and your whole relationship has apparently been based on her chasing you. That doesn’t sound like much of a friendship. It sounds like a a pathetic girl and a dude who’s trying to do the right thing but also doesn’t mind having his ego stroked. Be honest. She’s not a “good friend”. She’s a girl you fucked who like you way more that you like her. Cutting her off will be in both of your best interests. Just try and do it with some sympathy.

Good day to all of you. The Doctor is in. Still here, giving unwarranted advice about situations I know next to nothing about. This week includes a question so fucking long , I was almost not gonna use it. However, it covers territory that I feel is quite relatable to pretty much every girl ever who’s dated a lazy guy who doesn’t give a shit.
Please send my more personal problems/questions at Phatfriendblog@gmail.com
It’s always anonymous and my advice is usually as spot on as it can be , considering I don’t know you or the people you’re talking about.
anyway, on with the session…

What’s your stance on workplace dating? i’m digging this girl I work
with - BUT she’s just freelancing - so the plan is to wait it out
until her (indefinite) freelance is up, so i get the date minus the
workplace dramas. I’m getting increasingly impatient though. Should i
just go for it or wait it out?

I think Workplace dating depends. Some people can handle it. Some can’t. It also depends on the intentions of both the people. In order for it to work, you must both be on the same page. If she just wants to fuck once in a while and you’re in love, it’s not gonna work. Not only just that , it’s gonna be a mess.
I was talking to a friend about this the other day. Jobs are one place where it seems like the playing fields even. Whenever I see a terrible looking dude with an attractive girl, I assume he’s either rich or worked at a job with her for years. It’s that thing where, when you see people every day, you lose perspective on how they actually look and begin to base your view of them on their actual personality. This leads to people hooking up who would probably not even look at each other in an actual casual social setting. I’ve certainly pined for 5’s that I’ve worked with , only to realize years later that the girl was in fact, mediocre in every way. It’s just how working closely with people works. You find ways to be attracted to what’s in your close proximity.

But i digress, your situation is slightly different cause the girl is a temp. I’d say by all means , go for it. Worst case, she rejects you, things are awkward for a few weeks and she vanishes. However, I only give this advice assuming you’re not a vindictive asshole. If she does reject you or you guy hang out and it doesn’t work, you gotta back the fuck off and not be a creep about it. OR, if you do get with her, fuck her and decide you’re not into it, you gotta handle that delicately. Basically, it’s all on you and how you act to make this thing work on any level. So, yeah, don’t be a dipshit.

Dear Blockhead,

I was in a relationship with my boyfriend (now ex-boyfriend) for almost three years. I tried to be happy with him but I always felt like something was missing. But being a typical girl, I convinced myself that I was content and ran the thought out of my mind. Obviously I was never able to escape it. Don’t get me wrong, he is a wonderful and kind person, we share many of the same interests, humor, and are content doing nothing together. But it seemed like that was the extent of our relationship. I have always been an ambitious person. I love to travel, go on adventures, try new things, and I am constantly going back to school. That is where we differ the most. He smokes a lot of weed, doesn’t have a driver’s license, no passport, an unsteady job and plays a lot of videogames. I would say he is a meat and potatoes type of guy, not easily open to trying new things at all. Communication is another aspect that we were never able to agree upon. I am a very open, emotionally driven individual and I can’t just bottle of my feelings. If there is something I am concerned about, I put it on the table so we can talk about it and hopefully work it out. He is the total opposite. He gets frustrated easily, brushes important problems under the carpet, and accuses me of ‘being negative’, ‘bitching’, or ‘nagging’ when there is something I feel the need to discuss. Is that not what a relationship is all about? Two people in a partnership who are able to communicate with just a glance? If only. Anyhow, talking to him was like pulling teeth or talking to a wall so after awhile I began to bottle up my feelings as well. Prior to that I tried sitting him down, writing it to him, being blunt, any possible way I could think of so he could just hear me. It seemed like it was no use.

Because of his lack of driver’s license, I had to drive us around constantly. I was always the designated driver, of course. Because of his unsteady work, I started having to pay more and more. I am usually a generous person and wouldn’t bat an eye at paying for things, but he rarely said thank you and I began to feel like I was being taken for granted. I was a mother, a taxi and then a bank machine on top of that. There came a point in time where he had to move out of his place, and into his Mother’s little one bedroom apartment in order to save some money for a damage deposit and whatnot. This was supposed to be a temporary living situation, two weeks to a month tops. He has been there for five months now. Living on her couch, because the company he works for (his Father’s company) was in the shits. Not once in this time span has he tried to look for a place, a new job, to better his life. He has expressed his discontentment with his life on several occasions, yet never did a thing to change it. Why didn’t he move in with me, you ask? For one thing, he is messy as messy can be. So! As soon as he moved into his Mom’s place, we started seeing each other less and less. I started working night shifts a few days a week, he didn’t feel like taking public transit out to see me, and I didn’t feel like hanging out in his Mom’s space all the time. This is when deeper problems arose. We fought constantly because I felt like we weren’t seen each other enough. I would send him a message or call him and he wouldn’t get back to me until the next day or a day and a half later. I felt chastised because I spoke up, and knew this was not normal. I found out he had been going to a pub regularly, made some new friends there. I found out because he pocket dialed me a couple times and heard him talking to some people in the background. I felt like something just wasn’t right, and one day while he was sleeping on the couch his phone went off and I picked it up and saw he had a message from a girl I never heard of. So…. I checked it. And she had invited him out to the pub to watch a playoff hockey game with her. When he woke up I confronted him about it and told him it was inappropriate that he was exchanging numbers with girls in bars. Of course he turned it around on me and just got angry because I looked at his message. The next weekend we were supposed to hang out but he said he was tired and was just going to have dinner and play some videogames. The day after, he ended up coming over and left his phone out again. So I checked it… again. Something in my gut was telling me something was wrong. He was acting strange (and I had an ex who cheated on me badly before). Sure enough, another girl had messaged him “Are you as hung over as I am today babe?”. Obviously I was enraged. Not only had I expressed how I felt about getting girl’s numbers, but he told me he was staying in the night before. So i gave him a chance to admit it. I asked what he ended up doing the night before. He stuck to his original story and said “not a whole lot, just had dinner and chilled.” Bullshit. I blew up and of course he had some bullshit story for me that was a complete fabrication. “Oh well, I was getting weed from my hookup and he doesn’t have a phone so I had to message this girl. And I had dinner at the pub, and she’s a regular there, so we had a pitcher and some shots.” RIGHT. So I broke up with him on the spot. But then panicked later on and we ended up getting back together.

From then on, we began to have trust issues. I gave him the benefit of the doubt until that point but that was it for me. Our relationship went consistently downhill after that and I became terribly unhappy. Our sex life dwindled down to nothing, as well. I expressed my unhappiness on several occasions, I tried to work on things but I started to realize it was a one sided effort. We drifted apart, seeing each other less. It was a battle to get him to even call or text back in the same day. So a few weeks prior to our break up, I am sorry to say that I gave up. I stopped trying. And it was only then that I noticed him perk up and start to call more often. But it was too late. I tried to accept him for who he is. I couldn’t so I tried to give him the loving push I thought he needed but I learned that you cannot change a person. And as much as I still loved and cared for him, I let him go. Apparently it was a major shock to him, in fact the term he used was ‘blindsided’. I don’t see how could not have seen it coming. So two weeks elapsed and at first he kept his distance. But I think it began to settle in that we were actually broken up about a week in. This is when he began to text and call. He begged for me back, professed his love for me along with many different apologies, finally acknowledged his wrongdoings and vowed to change. Now the question is, is that even possible? If he does change, would it make a difference for me? Could I be with him after everything we have been through? Or are we just far too different to be in a working relationship? The thought of it is so depressing. This is a person who I am still so fond of. I miss his companionship and reflect on the good times we had together and it makes me upset. He thinks I am throwing something good away, and that we can be happy. I just don’t have the heart to cut off contact completely, so I don’t know what to do. I love him to pieces but I think.. I hope there might be someone more compatible for me out there. And I worry if I would be settling if I took him back. I know people don’t change overnight. So am I actually willing to wait for him to deal with his self-proclaimed internal issues? So, Blockhead.. I apologize for this monster of a letter. I think once I started going my mind just started spitting out all these pent up thoughts. I am sure there is much more I could have included, and perhaps some of his is irrelevant. I just want to be happy. I want him to find happiness. And I don’t want this painful breakup to drag out any more. Although I have a feeling, it will..

Thank you for your time, I hope you will actually read this.

Wow that was obscenely long. I appreciate the question, but let’s keep these to under 10,000 words.
So much to cover here, lemme break it down into bullet points
1)He’s a piece of shit.
First things first. This is a fact. He’s not a bad person, but he’s extremely typical of how dudes get. I think that the way he was in the beginning of the relationship (mr. awesome) blindsided you into thinking the way he was acting later was a phase. but, sadly, this is how he actually is. At least as a boyfriend. I’m sure he’s a good guy or whatever but once a boyfriend stops giving a shit about being a boyfriend, it’s never good for the girl.

2)He’s probably depressed
I’m not shrink but all things point to him being pretty fucking depressed. I don’t blame him. He lives on his moms couch, smokes weed all day, barely works and has (had) a girlfriend he obviously is in no condition to maintain, try to talk to him about shit he doesn’t even wanna think about.
I’d say his trips to the bar are the only thing keeping him sane. It’s probably the only place he goes where he feels like he has any worth at all.

3)You are a doormat
It’s not your fault. You’ve be betrayed before. It’s par for the course. You’re a caring person who’s giving this dude enough chances. you’re holding on to a memory of a person you once knew every time you envision him in your life. But , if he gets back in, he will restart the cycle and walk all over you. Like I mentioned before, he’s in no position to have a girl friend right now. His life is way too fucked up. It’s sounds like he’s a cast member of “Winter’s bone”. AT BEST, he should be fucking bummy skanks at the local watering hole. That’s the pinnacle for this guy, until he gets back on his feet (if he ever does). Basically, his downward spiral is not you problem.

4)Phone checking never ends well
Phone checking is ill cause , if you’re checking it , you straight up don’t trust the dude. And chances are, if you don’t trust him, there’s a reason for that. Sure, you got cheated on before so you’re sensors are sensitive but the real reason you checked is cause you were suspicious of this guy.
On the other hand, you’re invading his private territory. As guilty as he is, you’re out of line as well. THis may be drastic but if you’re in a relationship when hacking into facebooks/emails or reading old texts is a thing, then you should just break up. Already, the trust is fucked up. Sure, there are some people who do that shit right away (and those people deserve to die alone with 9 cats in a one bedroom apartment) but for normal people in healthy relationships, you just don’t do that. i understand how trust issues and overall insecurity play into this but recognize, if he was the right guy, you’d be past all that by now.

5)DO NOT get back with him
You know this. Even after the book you wrote me I can tell it was just you wanting someone else to tell you what you already know. Not only is he not changing, he’s probably gonna get worse. It’s not like he’s gonna wake up one day and just decide to be this awesome boyfriend, get an apartment ,a new job and life will be perfect. That takes time and most likely won’t really ever happen anyway.
So, cut it off. He’s only coming back to you cause he’s a fucking loser with nothing else going on in his life. You’re literally just there to be a sponge for his sorrows, neediness and sperm. Don’t be that sponge.

hey, i’d love your advice/opinion about a situation i’m going through right now.
i dated this guy for a whole year (09 -10) and we did a distance thing the whole time between two different cities, but he ended up moving to go to Uni a couple of states away in Fall ’10 (after giving me a nice ol’ diamond) and he had a meltdown and said he couldn’t do distance at the moment. i give the guy space and we this summer rolls around and we were inseparable, but we established that we were just going to enjoy the summer w/o worrying about anything.
the bro talks about a future with me all the time: wedding shit, living together shit, having kids and pets shit; but the problem is, he won’t ask me out again/won’t commit because he says he wants to focus on his studies and doesn’t want to get involved with anyone. he says the time isn’t right right now.

i know that you’re usually supposed to take bro talk at face value, but what the fuck do you think is going on, Uncle Tony? 😦

Hmm…either he’s an evil dude or he actually means what he says.
Let’s look at the two sides,
He’s Evil:
If he’s evil then he’s just doing this to keep you around for his own amusement. He fills your head with talks of weddings and and babies as a mean to keep you locked in. But , when he goes back to school, he’s fucking everything that moves and not even thinking about you. he’s a sociopath with no remorse who may very likely one day try to talk you into a threesome.

OR

He’s just being realistic

Long distance relationship are a mess. He might have every intention of being with you down the line (a few years) but trying to maintain a relationship that way is not only annoying, but tiresome. It’s wears thin on what might have otherwise been a perfect match. So, perhaps, he’s thinking that it’s better to just see what happens. He could have every intention of being with you eventually.
The real question is, are you willing to wait? This will mean you will be holding him in your back pocket for the time being. Every dude you meet, he will be looming over you , stopping you from moving forward like you might if you were totally free of him. It’s basically vaginal handcuffs. So, if you feel that deeply about him, believe he’s earnest and are willing to wait, then do it. If you have doubts , then don’t waste your time.
I’m a middle of the road kinda guy so I’d say just see what happens. It could work out great. You never know. But if the weight of the situation is too much, you can always hit the eject button. Even then, it could still happen down the line.