About a month ago, somehow the topic of men performing oral sex on ones self came up. It’s always been something that I assumed no one really did but, like so many other things, it turns out I was terribly mistaken. Apparently, dudes do it all the time. Granted, most of them are feverishly horny teenagers (I’d imagine a casting call for “I fucked a pumpkin” would yield similar results) but still…more than I expected. To me, it’s never been something I’ve even considered. Beyond the idea of having any dick in my mouth (including my own), the flexibility or comfort of the act just seems too difficult. So, i put out the question on social media. “Have you sucked your own dick? Tell me about it…”. Within 3 hours I had like 4 or 5 responses. The first three I posted about HERE. I wasn’t even planning on doing two volumes of this but, fuck it, I had three left over and it’s not like this who concept is any less compelling than it was a month ago. So, dig in and enjoy my interviews with 3 guys who put their own penis’s in their mouth and sucked.

Interviewee #1
Are you straight/gay/bi or other?

I am straight. I did make out with the one openly gay kid in my rural high school once in an effort to make sure I wasn’t blocking something I might enjoy out of my life because of social norms, but as it turns out I just really dig females.

Had you sucked another persons dick prior to sucking your own?

I had never sucked another person’s dick prior to sucking my own, nor, in fact, had I had my own dick sucked. I received my first blow job from myself.

Was the stretching part of move difficult and did it inhibit your movement?

The stretching was incredibly difficult. I was about 15 at and was on the wrestling team at the time, so I was the most flexible I’ve ever been in my life, but it was still a monumental task. I’ve always been a pretty skinny guy, and my dick has been about 7” erect since puberty, but it was still so hard to get that fucker in my mouth that I almost gave up several times. I eventually succeeded by lying on my back, stacking several pillows under my head, then throwing my legs up over my head such that my knees touched the ground on the other side of it. While this did achieve the primary goal of getting my dick in my mouth, it set the stage for a terrible blow job given that I couldn’t really move my head or hips and could only even get my hand on my dick with great effort.

if you’re a straight man, do you think you intuitively knew how to suck a dick just based on what you’d seen and knowing what you like?

I am now 30 years old, so when I was 15 internet porn was practically nonexistent (or at least not feasible to view via dial-up), and I had never had my dick sucked before, so my entire concept of what a blowjob was supposed to be came from the three or four Ron-Jeremy-as-a-fit-young-man-era Betamax pornos I had snuck from my Dad’s stash. I had no fucking idea what I was doing.

Did you do it more than once? If so, how many times

I did it only once, because it turned out to be sincerely unpleasant and exponentially more difficult than the well practiced and reliable act of jerking off.

How would you describe your dicks taste? and did that taste linger in your mouth well after the deed was finished?

It tasted like mildly dirty salt - like someone wore a pair of socks for, like, 30 minutes, dipped their feet in the dead sea, then wrung the sock out and poured that liquid on a fat man’s finger then stuck it in my mouth. The texture was the weirdest part - I could only really get the first three inches or so in my mouth so there was this extremely taught skin towards the back of my mouth then the foreskin was right around the tip of my tongue and lips, so the contrast between the two was pretty strange.

Did you cum? If so, where? In your own mouth, in your face or elsewhere (please specify where)

To this day I’m not really sure how I managed to cum in this terribly uncomfortable and unsexy position with no visual aids, but I did. I came in my own mouth. Eventually, when I realized that my head had no range of motion, I slid my right hand up into this human pretzel I had created and was able to get a few fingers wrapped around the exposed shaft. I only had about 1/2” range of motion in my hips and another 1/2” range of motion in my wrist, so I kind of fucked my own mouth through my hand in shallow thrusts until I came.

I didn’t particularly even want to come in my own mouth, but there was no other option as I didn’t have the range of motion to pull out or really move at all. That taste was horrible, and I have always sincerely thanked women after blowjobs because I remember the terrible consistency and feeling of that moment and understand what a sacrifice they’re really making.

Are you good at sucking dick?

Perhaps I would be if given a sexual preference for men and a dick to suck that was not my own, but based on the evidence at hand: absolutely not.

Do you consider sucking your own dick a homosexual act? please elaborate why, either way.

Not at all. If giving myself a handjob multiple times a day for my entire post-pubescent life isn’t a homosexual act, then putting in the (ultimately misguided) effort to step my self-pleasuring game up by sucking my own dick certainly isn’t. We all want to fiddle with our own dicks, and how we decide to do that has no bearing on what we fantasize about while we do it.

Did you feel any guilt about doing it afterwards?

I felt no guilt, and no regret either, just general unpleasantness as I realized I had a mouthful of my own cum and was in a position that it would turn out to take almost 20 seconds to maneuver my way out of. I think we (men) all know how sometimes you get all wound up about something sexual, then in that moment after orgasm you’re like “wait, what the fuck did I just do and why did I want it so badly?” It was that.

Do you feel as though you give better head to yourself than any other person (male or female)?

I have only gotten worse head once or twice in my life, and each time it was due to a painful accident of some sort; hit a pothole during roadhead type shit. On the whole, my first blowjob, the one I gave myself, was the worst head of my life.

Have you told others about this?

I have told many, many people about this. Probably not in as much detail, but that’s only because they weren’t asking the right questions I guess. In fact, the only reason I was aware of your interview request is that a friend sent me a screenshot of your twitter post asking for volunteers with the words “DO IT” underneath.

I’d be surprised if anyone who knows me well read this interview and didn’t know exactly who you’d been talking to.

Would you recommend this to your friends?

I would absolutely recommend getting interviewed by Blockhead about blowing yourself to any of my dick-bearing friends. However, I cannot in good faith recommend blowing yourself in the first place.

Interviewee #2
Are you straight/gay/bi or other?
Straight.

Had you sucked another persons dick prior to sucking your own?
Nope l, was about 12 when I was able to do it.


Was the stretching part of move difficult and did it inhibit your movement?
It took about two weeks to get close enough to just barely touch it, and a month to actually get past the head.
It fucked my back up so bad I had to go to the chiropractor for weeks afterward.


if you’re a straight man, do you think you intuitively knew how to suck a dick just based on what you’d seen and knowing what you like?
Na, it was terrible. I felt more like I had a dick in my mouth than my dick getting sucked. Whackness.

Did you do it more than once? If so, how many times
A few times. Didn’t really thrill me so I gave up.

How would you describe your dicks taste? and did that taste linger in your mouth well after the deed was finished?
Like a salty finger.

Did you cum? If so, where? In your own mouth, in your face or elsewhere (please specify where)
No, it was painful and awkward just to do it.

Are you good at sucking dick?
Horrible.

Do you consider sucking your own dick a homosexual act? please elaborate why, either way.
It’s like masturbating with your mouth and also your neck feels like it’s gonna snap.

Did you feel any guilt about doing it afterwards?
I don’t know the meaning of the word.

Do you feel as though you give better head to yourself than any other person (male or female)?
I perform way better in the prone position.

Have you told others about this?
Only close friends and strangers when I’m drunk.


Would you recommend this to your friends.
Absolutely not.


Interviewee #3
Are you straight/gay/bi or other?

Straight

Had you sucked another persons dick prior to sucking your own?

No

Was the stretching part of move difficult and did it inhibit your movement?

Yes, absolutely. I laid on my back, on my bed, and curled my pelvis towards my head, with my head resting against some pillows. Essentially, the weight of my body was resting on my neck and shoulders. I was able to get the head of the penis and about 1/3rd of the shaft into my mouth; not much room to move my head or neck, and definitely no deep throating. I basically had to put in some serious work with my tongue and lips in order to get the nutt.

if you’re a straight man, do you think you intuitively knew how to suck a dick just based on what you’d seen and knowing what you like?

Yeah, it’s pretty intuitive. Since it was my own penis I was sucking, I could immediately tell what felt good and what didn’t, so I kept going with what felt good.

Did you do it more than once? If so, how many times

Only twice. After the second time, I had gotten over it. It loses its mystique. The position you have to be in is pretty uncomfortable; it’s way easier/more efficient to just jerk off. Sure, it was kinda fun and crazy to have my own dick in my mouth, but it didn’t feel THAT good. I’d way rather have someone else suck my dick or just give myself a handjob.

How would you describe your dicks taste? and did that taste linger in your mouth well after the deed was finished?

It tasted kinda sweaty. I don’t remember the taste lingering. I’m pretty sure I briefly washed it before the sucking commenced. But yeah it tastes pretty much like having any other body part in your mouth. Lots of skin.

Did you cum? If so, where? In your own mouth, in your face or elsewhere (please specify where)

The first time I came on my chin. The second time, I ALMOST came in my mouth, but I chickened out at the last minute and came on my chin. I immediately regretted this decision, because I thought the story would be way more entertaining if I nutted in my own mouth, and I was also genuinely curious as to what it feels like to have nutt in your mouth. So at that point I figured I had already gone as far as to suck my own dick, what’s the harm in tasting some cum? So I picked the cum up off my chin with my hand and put it in my mouth. It was very bland, not much flavor at all. When I told my friends the story, I modified it and said I nutted in my mouth. That was a lie. It made for a better story though.

Are you good at sucking dick?

Not really

Do you consider sucking your own dick a homosexual act? please elaborate why, either way.

No. Think about it: if you’re a man, masturbating is basically like giving yourself (a dude) a handjob. Does that make masturbation a homosexual act?

Did you feel any guilt about doing it afterwards?

No. Right before I did it though, there was a brief moment where I thought “is this gay? should I feel weird about this? does this make me gay?” But I quickly *came* to the conclusion that it’s my own body, so I can do whatever the fuck I want with it, and if I wanna suck my own dick, I will. I’m not homophobic whatsoever, and I’m pretty secure in my sexuality, so I didn’t see any reason to feel bad about sucking my own dick.

Do you feel as though you give better head to yourself than any other person (male or female)?

Absolutely not. Like I mentioned before, my accessiblity was extremely limited. Although I did get instantanous feedback as to what felt good and what didn’t, so I suppose that was a slight advantage.

Have you told others about this?

Yes

Would you recommend this to your friends?

It’s worth a shot. Who knows, you might like it! But I’m assuming 99% of my friends wouldn’t be physically capable of sucking their own dick. But hey, try it out! Maybe you’ll be able to do it. It makes for a good interview on a blog run by a niche hip-hop producer 😉
(no shots fired, I love your music and this blog.)