Answers for questions part 4


Continuing with the program, let’s get to it…And, as always, keep the questions coming, either in this thread or send them to my EMail (phatfriendblog@gmail.com). I’d prefer them to be topics but I’m open to suggestions. Also, the less about music, the better….
Here are today’s questions//topics:

- Worst pain you’ve ever felt. Physically not emotionally.
Well, there’s THIS story, but outside of that there have been a few painful experiences.
I’ve been punched in the face a few times but that doesn’t really hurt nearly as much the time I got hit dead in my eye with a tennis ball. Something about the felt on the ball just added to the pain ten fold. Aside from that, the other most painful thing I’ve ever felt was when I tore three ligaments in my ankle playing basketball. I was around 22 and playing at the park. I went up for a rebound (back then I could jump very high so I was pretty far up in the air). I can distinctly remember something in my brain just kinda shutting off and it was like I just stopped using my ankles. Because of this lapse , I came down and landed directly on the side of my shoe. My ankle buckled and I heard a loud pop. I immediately fell over , writhing in pain. It felt like someone shot me in my ankle with a crossbow. To add insult to injury, one of the guys I was playing with was this complete lunatic cocksucker known to us at the courts as “Jailbird”. He was a tatted up white dude who would basically go there and pick fights with anyone who would say anything to him. As I lay there on the ground, he steps over me and says “That’s what you get for not wearing high tops, bro”. Thanks, dick. I was on crutches for a few weeks and didn’t play ball for another 8 or 9 months. I didn’t have health insurance at the time so I never rehabbed it. Thus, I lost about a foot off my vertical leap and pretty much have not been the same ever since. Cool story, bro.

- Child actors
You could look at child actors two ways. One one hand, there is nothing worse than overly precocious children. They’re really , in themselves, a strong case to end all humanity and stop making babies. By rule, child actors are all like this. However, as we all know, these kids don’t choose their lifestyle. It’s their shitty , failures of parents that really are pulling the strings. They’re no different then the former high school football star who is now a dad and working some awful job ,who pushes his son to be the next big athlete. Except, acting is something anyone can do. If football dads kid is a 98 pound band geek, there’s really no wiggle room unless he forces him to learn how to punt. But that’s not reclaiming any lost glory for super dad, is it? With child actors, parents can take any kids they make and attempt to make them into the redemption they so desire. Fat? ugly? slow? doesn’t matter, there are roles for everybody.
Every time i watch a tv show or movie where there is an adolescent “playing” the pitiful fat kid, i think of this. This kids whole existence is going out for roles where he is a living and breathing joke. I can’t imagine that’s helping his already fragile fattie self esteem. It’s not wonder so many former fat kid stars get all weirdly skinny and end up looking like deflated ghosts with matronly hips. It’s not their fault. it’s their stupid fucking parents. So, yeah, child actors, by nature, are bad, but nothing is worse than there guardians.

- Three best meals you’ve ever had
Questions like this are impossible. it’s like naming your three favorite songs or the three best nuts you’ve busted. There’s no way I could answer this. I was gonna skip it altogether but I figured I’d leave it here as a reminded of the kind of questions you shouldn’t ask me. No offense to Skills (the reader who asked it), I just wanna clarify that.

Question: When you were a child, did a cat do something terrible to you?

Ahh yes…My disdain for cats. Allow me to elaborate. First and foremost, I’m allergic to cats. So, knowing that, my enjoyment of them as a pet was already a dead end. I don’t really like any animal that much, let alone one that makes me sick whenever i’m anywhere near it. Not even in the same room! If i’m somewhere where a cat has been recently, my eyes start to itch, my nose starts running and I gotta bounce. So, off the bat, fuck cats. But, ok, let’s be fair. Maybe I don’t know cats that well and need to give them a chance. Here’s the thing, cats are assholes. They are self involved, predatory animals who don’t give a shit about you. I realize every person who owns a cat is reading this and saying “yeah, but not my cat!”. Nope, you’re cats is a fucking cunt just like the rest of them. It’s not his/her fault though, as he/she is a cat. IT’S JUST HOW THEY ARE. You wanna see how much your cat loves you? Stop feeding it. Do the same to a dog. Dogs will still respond to you lovingly, even though they’re hungry. Cats? They’ll be out as soon as they realize the well that is you, has dried up. It’s in their nature.
Ok, so did something happen to me when I was a kid involving a cat? Well…kinda. This one time, I was walking back from school and decided to take a short cut through a back alley. As I got halfway down the alley, a group of cats, wearing leather jackets and carrying switch blades approached me. The meowed aggressively at me but I kept walking. As i tried to hustle by them, the leader ran under my feet and tripped me up. I was now on the ground , surrounded by these mean cats. I offered them my wallet as an exchange to let me go, but that’s not what they wanted. I even was willing to give up the tuna sandwich I had been saving for my after school snack. But no…it wasn’t enough. I don’t wanna get to deep into but let’s just say cat penises are sharp and 8 of them entering you at once is something you will never forget. Since then I’ve been on blah blah blah….No, but here’s something that actually did happen. I was at a friends house after a little league game when I was around 11. I had just got out of the shower and only had a towel around my waist. He thought it would be an awesome idea to throw a cat at my naked back. He did it and instead of just bouncing off me, the cat opted to dig it’s claws into my skin and hang from my back looking like a possessed raver napsack. It hung for what felt like 15 seconds (probably more like 3) and then released it’s claws and vanished. My back was bleeding. Now, I don’t think that’s really what made me hate cats, but it certainly didn’t help.