A letter to a naked dude

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So, this past weekend, i played a festival in the outback of Australia. As different as it was from other festivals I’ve played (being on the other side of the planet, the people , the wildlife and the musical tastes), if you were to press mute on everyone and just look at it from afar, it was really no different than a festival in the woods of Oregon. Typically , I do my set and scurry off to the closest hotel to make love to some wifi and watch tv with a roof over my head, never to be seen on camp grounds again. However, this time, I stayed for the full 3 days of the festival. I was IN IT. So, with all this free time in a foreign land, at a festival where I only know a handful of people, i spent a good deal of my time roaming around the campsite. People watching. I mean, that’s kinda what you do at these things, right? It was packed with the usual suspects. Burners, people on drugs, burners on drugs, girls in road warrior outfits carrying hula hoops, people in footie pajamas covered in dirt, a few back woods wiggers and a surprising amount of children. In fact, this was , by far, the most kids I’ve seen at a festival. It was pretty cool to see actually cause i can only imagine how their tiny brains are taking it all in. I suppose to them it’s like a circus with REALLY loud music.
On the Saturday morning of the festival, i was in the food area just stuffing some sort of garbage into my mouth when , out of the corner of my eye, I caught what seemed to be an abundance of naked human flesh. Being the inquisitive soul that I am, I turned my head to see a man walking away from, butt naked, with some painted stuff on his shoulders and ass…think war paint. I tilted my head and thought “Well, surely he’s got something on covering his front parts…”. I then saw him walk up to someone and give a close hug to them (the receiver of said hug did a noticeable body jut to avoid pelvic contact). Right then I thought “no fucking way”. Lo and behold, he sashays his was back around and there it was, his naked dick flapping in the wind, parts of it were painted but, make no mistake, it was as uncovered as a cock can be in a public setting. So, i’m sure this particular aussie raver doesn’t read my blog (i bet he doesn’t even own a tv and on uses the internet for email cause, you know, he’s THAT guy) but I figured I’d write him a letter…just in case cause, you know, someone needs to talk to this guy.

Dear Naked guy,
What’s up? Chilling? cool. I was eating my breakfast the other day when I turned my head to see your dick bobbling as you walk. Nice cock, bro! I especially enjoyed the ornate colors you painted it. Did you, perhaps, have one of the children who were doing face paintings at the festival handle that for you? Whoever did it, they did a bang up job.
I see you there, prancing around like a proud peacock, winds blowing your hair, smugly strutting to give your dick that extra bounce. Balls hopping off your thighs as if to way “Hey! Don’t forget about us!”. Don’t worry balls, we could never forget you.
Your pride and self love are palpable. You must feel great!
Well…
I’m writing you this letter to let you in on something. That something is that, unless you’re part of art installation or the incredible hulk after turning back into David Banner, no one who’s not having sex with your penis should ever see it in public. I understand you’re probably a free spirit. You cannot be caged but the constraints of society around you. Cavemen walked around, dicks flailing, so why can’t you? Well, I’m sorry to say, you are not a caveman. You’re a male in 2016 , in a public place full of children running around. Now, that’s my #1 gripe. Your dick and kids eyes. It’s just…not okay. I dunno if you know this but dicks are gross. They aren’t tits. When a women thinks of a strangers cock, she frowns and they’re the #1 target audience for dicks (shout out to gay dudes but the sheer #’s put ladies in first place). Think about that. The people who enjoy dicks the most, are also repulsed by the majority of them. But beyond the sheer grossness of it (for everyone), what you’re doing is forcing your bullshit on everyone else. Now, I believe people should be able to do what they want. So, in a sense, if you WANT to walk around with your dick out, then live you life. But, with life’s choices come responsibility and consequences. The consequences being your dick waggling in front of a 4 year olds face and your responsibility being to NOT waggle you dick anywhere near the face of a child. Listen, it’s a free world. We have so much we can do. Is your right to express yourself via nudity that important to you? Perhaps you should go to a nude beach or a Hedonism resort where that kinda thing is accepted and monitored. Maybe one of those burning man fuck tents I’ve heard about. I know, i know, a fuck tent is not in public but I’m just spitballing ideas for you. Regardless, all those places seem more appropriate than here.
I think what gets me is that I 100% know you’re doing this cause you’re just so one with the earth and comfortable in your own skin. That’s great. But ,sometimes, we’re so far to the left, we swing around to the right again. You’re blissful, free love hippie freedom is so extreme that it is , in fact, bordering on sexual harassment to every single person that lays eyes on your paint chipped penis. Every woman and man who didn’t feel like looking at your freewheeling cock. Every male child who now probably thinks that, when he gets older, his dick will become a crusty orange and green hair cake.
Every little girl who has never seen a penis in her life will now have THAT as what she expects. In 12 years, when she’s old enough, she will pull out some dudes dick and be shocked it didn’t look like bravehearts face. That’s on you , dude. And I know that’s the furthest thing from your intentions but still…s
o, fuck your freedom. There are so many ways to express individuality and openness without having to ruin everyones day simply cause they looked in your direction. So, please, do me and everyone else a favor and cover that stupid cock up. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
Sincerely ,
Tony

Alternate version of this letter:
HEY ASSHOLE, I CAN SEE YOUR DICK. WE CAN ALL SEE YOUR DICK. THERE ARE KIDS HERE FOR CHRIST’S SAKE. PUT THIS SHIT AWAY, YOU FUCKING JERK OFF.
Regards,
Tony

Peep Googie’s new album ’tis what ’tis ! I did a few tracks on it.

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A while back, I wrote a “yay or nay” column about Googie. He’s a Jersey born, Queens based rapper with a relentless style and dominating presence.
What had happened was , I was at a show , chilling by the bar , waiting for Billy woods to go on and heard this dude absolutely murdering it on stage. It was that rare moment were an opening act really caught my attention. That man was Googie. I had met him that night and seen him around a few times after that. Well, he’s finally released a proper album and it was my pleasure to do a couple tracks on it.
Check out the whole album right here:
https://wearethekarmakids.bandcamp.com/album/tis-what-tis

Here’s one of the tracks I did off it. Good stuff.

Congrats on the release!

“Keep Playin” By Marq Spekt (produced by me) drops today!!!

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My Buddy Marq Spekt and have been working together for a few years now. A little while back we dropped an album called “Justplaywitit” on Hipp Nott Records. Today, we release the follow up “Keep Playing”. Real excited about this. If you like no bullshit rapping and , well, my beats then you are in for a treat.
It’s available today all over. Here it is, streaming on bandcamp:

You can buy it at all these wonderful locations. ENJOY!!!
https://marqspekt.bandcamp.com/album/keep-playin
https://www.undergroundhiphop.com/products/marq-spekt-and-blockhead-keep-playin-cd
https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/keep-playin/id1134789221

Promo mix for my Australian Tour!

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Hey, It’s been 10 plus years and I’m making my way back to Australia for a the Manifest festival and some other shows as well. My gigs are listed above. But, the real reason I made this post is to hip you to this promo mix by Jing Kohn. It’s a nice walk through my career, including some good scratching, interview clips and, of course, my music from the beginning to now. Really thorough job here….check it.

Pride’s gonna getcha

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(little note: In case you’re confused about me writing something on here ,to be clear, I’mma keep doing this blog but only when I feel like I have something to share or say…so, yeah…rarely.)

I was watching the RNC last week out of sheer morbid curiosity. I’m generally not a politically charged person but , perhaps, with the times changing, me getting older and the feeling of this country reaching a tipping point, something is kicking in on me that’s making me actually pay attention and, dare i say…CARE?

Amidst all the bullshit and insanity that was the convention, one word kept popping up in my head. “Pride”. Sure “fear” and “Fuck Hillary!” were the main themes of the week long shit show but all I saw was a bunch of people tickled pink (also, colored pink) about themselves and what they think they deserve just for being born in this country. I’ve long took issue with “pride” and the people who wield it. Now, obviously, there are plenty of things people should be proud of. If you accomplish something great in your life, of course you should be proud of yourself. Having pride in ones heritage , culture or sexual orientation…Why not? i would argue that people go overboard with even that sometimes cause , after all, we don’t choose what we are. We’re born that way. But, still, having pride in that kinda thing is natural. Especially if what that is has been marginalized. So, I’m not talking about that when I bring up the word “pride”. I’m talking about personal pride. The type of pride that , when someone walks down the street and bumps shoulders with another person, incites them to say “Hey, watch where the fuck you going!” and then fight them.
The type of pride that compels someone to not own up to their own faults. The type of pride that makes people ignore their own privilege. It’s real easy to acquire when you’ve been told you’re special and what you think matters your entire life. This kind of pride is not earned. It’s assumed.

Now ,as a white male, I’m planted firmly at the bottom of the justified pride totem poll. I realize this and gladly accept it. Lucky for me, it’s not hard. I’ve long since rolled my eyes at that kinda of pride. That’s that Trump pride. It’s blind and swings it’s dick freely. I’ve often wondered how such a thing evolves into a trait that defines a person. I can’t help thinking it goes hand in hand with entitlement. The same people who feel they are owed something for breathing are the same people who will be the first to bask in their own perceived self worth.

Now, While I’m out here pointing fingers let me be clear. I’m not exempt from foolish pride. While I do…umm…pride myself on keeping that bullshit out of my line of thought, i can’t sit here and pretend I’m not part of the problem. My pride? NYC pride. Yup. It’s that fucking thing that looms around me at all times and I can’t shut it off. I realize it’s pointless and arbitrary but it still persists. You can tell me my family tree is full of garbage humans (I’d probably ask you how you found out cause I never checked), you could call me a lazy sack of shit, you could say my music is pure hackery. But , god forbid, you diss NYC. It’s , like, the one thing I take to heart and it’s 100% bullshit. I just happened to be born and raised here. I wasn’t sitting in my moms womb with different brochures of locations I could choose to be raised in. Nope, i just happened to be a baby born here with parents who never left. That’s it. Yet for some reason, it’s something that defines me as a person and I will defend that to the death. Thinking about that and how silly it is , when you step away from it, makes me think about people who view America in that way. To have pride in a whole country….especially one as flawed and full of ,short sighted mouth breathing mongoloids as this one, is insane. I’d like to think I’ve toned down my NYC pride over the years. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s still there and throbbing but between traveling and seeing all these other places and the decline of NYC’s edge in general, I do feel like my perspective has broadened. A tiny bit. I’m still an asshole about it for sure…but it’s not the open/shut case I once thought it to be.

I was at a baseball game last year with a group of friends. The national anthem began and I just stood there like I always do. Not paying attention cause who cares? A dude I was with (a friend of a friend) tapped me and was like “Dude, take your hat off and put your hand on your chest!”. I smiled cause I assumed he was kidding. He was not. Even then I was like “nah, I’m good…” cause fuck that shit. The rest of the game he was noticeably sour towards me. The idea that anyone could have their mood changed by another persons disinterest in the national anthem really shocked me. This guy wasn’t a war veteran. He wasn’t in the state senate. In fact, he’s a dude who lived in japan for about 8 years prior to his return NYC. Maybe his dad fought in a war? Mine did too. Doesn’t mean i have to honor a stupid song at a baseball game. Regardless, it blew my mind to see a person take that kinda thing to heart. Like America is his. If anything, America is theirs. Who “they” are remains to be seen but it’s definitely not the dude 5 beers deep in a dirty yankees hat in the nosebleed section. My nationalistic pride doesn’t extend to that far.

I remember seeing the movie “Seven” and being like “Oh snap!” when I learned that “pride” was actually one of the 7 deadly sins. Clearly, I had not read a book before and should have known that already but, hey, shit happens. But still, seeing that and then thinking about how pride is something we, as a society, tends to celebrate is funny to me Sure, that sort of pride is generally reserved for things that involve parades but it’s still the same word. Even the “good” type of pride has some baggage to it.

If you’re reading this, you’re very likely one of the lucky people. You have internet. You have free time . You are living a charmed enough existence where you have time to know a niche hip hop producer exists, and writes a blog on occasion and you’ve chosen to read his dumb thoughts. This is nothing to be proud of. If anything, we should be more thankful for what we’ve been given. Pride is hard to truly justify but gratitude is real. Even if it’s something we’ve never known life to be without. Dun’t be proud you can afford to go out to dinner tonight. Be thankful you’re one of the lucky ones who was born in a place where that’s the common thing. On that note, i’mma get out of bed and go stuff my face with various foods…I’d say I’ve earned it. I woke up, didn’t I? *pats self on the back*

New Song with MarQ Spekt Featuring Conway, HPone and Da Buze Bruvas!

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And you thought this blog was done…Nope. Like I said…when I got stuff to share I will.. Now is one of those times.
Here’s a spanking new song I did with MarQ Spekt from his upcoming album (which i produced entirely) called “Keep playin”. The album drops in august on Hipnott records. We did another album together last year called “JustPlaywitit” that I think you should check out if you missed it.
This song is a special one as it features the talents of Conway, HPone and Da Buze Bruvas. This is some tough shit. Don’t sleep. Enjoy!

If you wanna buy it, it’s a buck at bandcamp:
https://marqspekt.bandcamp.com/track/point-break-feat-conway-hpone-buze-bruvaz

Aiiiight!

Closing time…Kinda.

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They say all good things must come to an end. I assume that applies to all mediocre things as well.

I’ve been writing this blog in some form since around 2002. It started as rants on my personal myspace page. Moved over to a weekly column on the Definitive Jux website and, when that went down, I stated Phat friend January 1st 2009 (or was it 2010? I can’t remember) . The purpose of this blog was just for me to say whatever the fuck I want. I enjoy writing. I like ranting about things i don’t ACTUALLY care about. It’s a good way to blow of steam. Certainly better than bottling it up and losing your shit over some pointless grievance. That, in it’s essence, was what this blog was. “Sweeping generalizations”. There was never any money or glory in this. If anything, it was a means to give my life a little structure. As a musician, it’s easy to fall into bad habits and having this to write every morning , at least, put me on a track to be creative and not just lay around in bed playing words with friends and candy crush until I get hungry enough to get up.

That said, I’ve reached a point where I feel as though this has run it’s course. I’m basically rehashing the same 4 or 5 columns and it’s not like any new light has been exposed. I’ve answered thousands of questions, listened to hundreds of demos, fucked, married and killed all the people I can. What more can I say?
Part of the reason I’m gonna stop posting with any regularity (I’ll get to that later), is that I really don’t have anything left to say. I’ve exhausted my rants. Also, as you get older, ones passion for the minutia of life wanes. This blog has always been about taking dumb things and expanding on them. Making them seem bigger than they are. Like, I could write a piece about men wearing open toed shoes looking like assholes, and it would cause an explosion of fury from every man who’s ever worn flip flops to the beach. When, in reality, I don’t give a fuck what another man wears on his feet. It’s just fun to poke fun and rabble rouse people. Basic trolling. But the stakes seem higher now. Sure, i could write think pieces on things I don’t really care about/know about/understand. I’m just not the involved or informed in the world around me. I listen to what I listen to. i watch what I watch. i read…the internet. My scope isn’t exactly wide. The last thing the internet needs is another white dude talking out his ass about everything.

Another side to this is the environment that we live in now. When i started writing this , i could say anything. If someone was offended or bothered by it, they would roll their eyes and get over it. i didn’t have to explain jokes or tell people “It’s not that serious” all the time. But, we live in a time where everything triggers something. Every word you say can be turned against you, context means nothing and intent is always under scrutiny. To me, that takes the excitement out of writing. Like, I wanna say things but I can’t cause i don’t feel like having to argue with a bunch of people in my comments. Don’t get me wrong, that’s always been a thing but it’s gotten worse ten fold over the last 3 years or so. And, seeing that, one might think “Well, you’re pussying out!”. Maybe. But, to be honest, the weight of those invisible restrictions had effected my writing. i don’t enjoy it like i used to. I’m too aware of things that might cause an issue. i end up over explaining and watering down the point. So, fuck that…Combine that with a lack of things to write about and , well, here we are. I’m sure i could write about how the world is seemingly going down the drain but I feel there’s enough of that out there. What can i really add? So, as of now, Phat Friend is scaling back.
I’m just gonna post music updates here and there as it comes in. Pretty much, this will function as Blockhead’s website, as opposed to “Tony’s blog”. If I get inspired to write something, I will. But, other than that, it’s a wrap. No more demo reviews, no more answers for questions , no more of any of the regular columns.
So, I just wanna take this time to thank all of the people I’ve met over the years who’ve told me they fuck with this blog and all the faithful readers. It’s been a pleasure. You guys, more than anyone, “get” me. This blog is more me than my music has ever been so, just know that, you’re appreciated.
It’s not dead…but it will be dormant.
And , finally, shout out to all the strangers and friends who have taken the time to tell me I need to fix my grammar and spell check more thoroughly. I will miss you guys the most. Feel free to find me on twitter, where I will be spelling things wrong and abusing the english language with regularity.
Thanks and Good day,
Blockhead AKA Tony
mashedpotater