Ordinary guy By Joe Bataan
He’s just an ordinary guy. seriously.
It’s sunday…let’s talk about death.
in hip hop, death is usually approached from a “i’m gonna kill you” perspective. however, there are occasions when rappers get a little deeper and look at their own mortality or the passing of a close one. so, here’s a mix of songs where mc’s discuss the many angles of death. i omitted the most famous songs of this genre (“crossroads”. “T.R.O.Y.”, “reminding me (of sef)” and “i’ll be missing you”) cause who really needs to be put on to those songs?
1)I’m dead: scarface
2)the wreckoning: lateef
3)love comes and goes: ed o.g. and da bulldogs
4)for da brothaz: kool g rap
5)good die young: bee why
6)meditations on death: nitebreed
7)bloody love letter: MF grimm
8)this is for the brothers (jazz version): two kings in a cipher
10)i didn’t ask to come: the goodie mob
11)3 card molly: c-rayz walz
12)the thief in the night: aceyalone
13)the foundation: MOP
14)death: da omen
15)the funeral: the clipse
(this was originally posted on the TROY blog. Peep it on my blogroll)
Can you find the level of difficulty in this? By Freestyle Fellowship
Classic old west coast shit..as a bonus, here’s the robot version of the first verse:
Stuff like this:
NAMES ARE OUT OF CONTROL
At the risk of sounding like the oldest man alive, what’s going on with names?
When one has a child, you want to give it a name that will hopefully come to represent that person’s being when they get older. You could go with simple shit like John, Mike, Jenny, Amy, etc…They seem to do the job but not everyone wants to go down the typical path with names.
In my family we have a pretty varied mish-mash of names..from normal shit like Tony, Mark, and Rachel to the more obscure ones like Juno and Teru, and that’s just my siblings, my nieces and nephews are even more all over the place. The common theme is that, while some of the names are strange, they’re also kinda cool. Bugged out names are only shitty when you’re growing up, once you get past a certain age being named some shit like “Trillby” actually has advantages.
So my beef with names isn’t those names..nope..it’s the insistence of wanting to take normal names and make them funky through spelling or adding extra parts for no fucking reason. An example would be Chone Figgans. he’s a baseball player. his first name is pronounced “Shawn”. That’s just insane. Or how about this douche on that old MTV show Maui Fever named Cheyne..his fucking name is pronounced “Shane” or a name like “Amberly” (I’ve seen this one…). Is Amber not a wack enough name that you have add a “ly” to the end? I suppose it does drive home the “my daughter will definitely be stripping” thing but still. Obviously, it’s not the fault of the kids because no one names themselves it’s the asshole parents who are trying to be different but aren’t smart enough to come up with a name that isn’t completely retarded.
I don’t even wanna begin with celebrities who think it’s ok to name their kids whatever fucking word they think of first. That shit is the worst.
Apparently penguins are dying at an alarmingly fast rate. This is sad I guess but on the bright side maybe people will stop making those stupid fucking penguin movies.
GAMBLING VERSES STRIPPERS
Gambling is better then strippers because, with gambling, you sometimes win. However, this is over ruled if you’re in Puerto Rico and pay the extra 20 backs for a blow job, while you may still be a loser, there’s a win in there somewhere.
Winning when you gamble is an awesome feeling. it’s a feeling of truly getting over on something way bigger and more powerful then you. Losing takes the wind out of your sails (and food our of your kids mouths) but at least it brings about real emotions. Strippers either leave you with a hard on and no money or, if you’re me, leave you kinda hating women (as well as no money).
Thera-flu tastes like kool aid and bile. Chugging it is like barfing in your mouth while eating a starbust and then swallowing it. I know medicine has never tasted good but you’d think they could just make it a fucking pill that does the same thing. That way, you won’t feel like you need to vomit the next time you have a bad head cold.
I THINK I HAVE LOW LEVEL O.C.D.
The past few years I’ve been noticing that I’m kinda developing a light obsessive compulsive disorder. Not like turning a door knob five times every time I leave the room, or counting how many grains of rice are in my california roll. More like..uh…freaking out over getting fucking “event invites” on facebook and needing to wash my hands the second I get off the subway. The “event invite” thing is kinda strange cause I never read them and yet the idea of having something say “event invite!” on my page drives me insane. I have to get rid of it even though, when it all comes down to it, it doesn’t make any difference at all. I need my page to be “clean” I guess…the subway shit kinda makes more sense though. I’m the type, who, when I play sports and sweat, needs to shower immediately when I get home. I have friends who can play ball for 3 hours then kick it in their sweaty gear while they eat. Granted, I sweat more then the average fat man having a heart attack, but whatever, that shit compels me to clean.
Anyway, I get off the subway after touching the steel poles once for like 4 seconds and still keep my hands away from my face like they were smeared in shit. The payoff is, when I get home and clean them, mad dirt comes off, so I feel justified. But still, this is a new thing with me and I can only see it leading to other kinda OCDish behavior. I’m just hoping it doesn’t lead to some weird Howard Hughes-esque lifestyle where I drink my own pee and repeat phrases uncontrollably.
That would suck…
STUPID CAREER CHOICES
My job is a joke. Being an “Artist” is pretty much the worst job you can aspire to have. Don’t get me wrong, once you have it, it’s awesome cause it’s something you love and you don’t have to sit behind a desk 40 hours a week but the chances for success in the arts are pretty grim. There’s a reason 99% of abstract artists are from wealthy backgrounds. It’s cause people who do that kind of shit can afford to. Spending 9 hours a week on some crappy sculpture made of macaroni and cow dung falls nicely into the budget.
While they can afford to wait it out for some minor success, most other people just do it anyway with high hopes but end up eating shit at some crappy job for the next 20 years. To me, the pinnacle of poor career choices is wanna be professional dancers, olympic hopefuls, and magicians. They are all pretty much the same unless they blow up and become one of the rare super famous people in those fields. Otherwise, they all pretty much end up working in a strip club or restaurants.
LUNATICS WHO SING ON THE STREET
Hey guy on the street listening to your I-pod and singing at the top of your lungs. Guess what? No one in the history of the universe has ever gotten signed that way (excluding Tyrese in that old Coca Cola commercial). Whether you’re rapping Tupac lyrics or breaking it down like your man Ne-yo, it’s a no go. It’s also rude and an invasion of everyone’s space, so shut the fuck up and save that shit for the shower like everyone else.
THE SMOKING BAN MAKES FARTING HARD
The only bad thing about the smoking ban in bars is that you can’t really blast off a disgusting fart in a bar anymore. Before you could just go to a heavily populated area and let one loose and it would vanish into the clouds. Now, if you do it, the smell follows you around like a tail.
ENOUGH WITH THE COLOGNE
Some people stink. Some don’t. Most people need deodorant. NO ONE, however, NEEDS cologne. Perfume? I guess…I mean, I could take it or leave it. It definitely tends to leave a mark as far as what particular girls wore and the memories tied into that but cologne is the worst, I just don’t get it. I know girls that like a nice cologne and obviously it’s being worn for them but I just don’t get it.
You know how lysol covers up a smell but in turn makes a newer weirder, almost worse smell? I feel the same way about cologne. Why not just wear fabreeze? I was playing ball at this gym the other day and in the middle of a game I almost choked because a few kids on the side decided it was a dope idea to cover their bodies in AXE body spray. Hype! It seriously was closing my throat passage.
Here’s a question: What girl smells that overpowering stench and is like; “That’s that good shit!”… I almost feel like cologne went out in the mid 90’s but I’m way off…motherfuckers rock that shit like crazy.
I’d rather smell like second hand smoke and asparagus pee.
I only have love for you BY Syl Johnson
a little happy song for you from the man voted most likely to be mistaken for Al Green.
Anyone who knows me, knows i fucking love me some Olivia Munn. For those who don’t know her, she’s the co-host to a show called “Attack of the show” on the g4 network. it’s a nerdy free for all of a show but , it’s actually pretty entertaining…and she’s on it…so i watch it.
Munn has been pegged as “the hot nerd” or “every nerds favorite” kinda like princess leia for the next generation. While i see why this is the case, I’d argue that she’s not so much a nerd as she is just kinda wacky in the best way possible.
I think the thing about Munn is that she’s over all just very likable. even my girl approves. That says a lot cause girls can’t wait to shit all over whoever is getting sweated by guys at the moment. But munn gets the pass.
I have a feeling she’s gonna get a lot more famous in the next year or two (cause she’s cute/hot AND funny) so i just wanna lay claim right now.
ok, now that i’m done fawning over her, here are some video clips that i hope will help shed light on why Munn is my #1 girl.
It’s no secret that NYC isn’t what it used to be. For anyone who grew up in this city, it’s fairly obvious that we’re not living in 1988 anymore; The mom and pops stores keep closing, the people who move here are getting cornier and cornier, the bars are over-crowded, everything is way too expensive, and the overall vibe is simply…well, not what it used to be…..
With that said, motherfuckers need to calm down with the “Fuck this place…New York is gone to the shitter…” attitude. While I agree with you guys, step back and compare it to other places, a native New Yorker complaining about New York is kind of like a dude who dates the coolest and hottest girl in the world and then complains when she puts on 5 pounds. She’s still the same girl. Sure, it’s not the super tight piece of ass it used to be but understand, to people who aren’t you, you’re a lucky motherfucker.
Yes, they’re tearing down everything we hold sacred and replacing it with high rise condo’s, useless banks, and parking lots. That sucks….
I remember when I walked by Washington Square Park last winter and saw what used to be the fountain area it had been converted into a fenced off pile of dirt. Yes, they were “remodeling” Washington Square Park. While seeing that definitely hit a nerve with me, it is also just par for the course. Indeed, it’s a bummer, but it’s also not like that’s gonna change my New York experience. Shit, I’ve been to that park a million times, I’ve got those memories, I’m good. At this point, they could put a rainbow colored vibrating dildo carousel in there for all I care, it won’t make me forget what it used to be.
It won’t change the fact that I can go out at 4 AM and get food on a sunday…and still have options. It won’t change that I can be in five completely different neighborhoods in the span of one day without even getting on a train or a bus. It won’t change that this city is full of eclectic people and great food no matter where you go. Yes, it’s corny, but true…that’s the subtle kinda shit you miss when you leave NYC.
The thing is, if you’re a person who loves cities (real cities) there is no other place in America like New York. Not Chicago, not LA, not San Fransisco, not Boston (HA!), not anywhere…I’m not even saying that on some “It’s the best city” shit (however, on a biased tip, it is). I’m saying it’s the only city like it and what it offers is unquantifiable. I don’t give a fuck if in ten years New York is just series of banks, Quiznos, and Duane Reades it will still be the only place like it.
After all, if you’re really a New Yorker and you wanna move to another city (that is like New York), where you gonna go? My honest opinion would be Toronto or Montreal. If you put those two together you kinda get New York (but canadian, so everyone’s nice and talks funny). However, that would probably involve a new passport and all sorts of bullshit, so good luck with that!
The only valid “I hate this place” arguments to me are; “I can’t afford it” and “It’s full of out of town douchebags”, I really can’t disagree with those. As far as the expensiveness is concerned, there’s a reason why motherfuckers live in Queens and Jersey City. It’s not cause it’s dope there, it’s cause it’s affordable but still close to the city. Not to mention, with the way the economy is going, we’re due for some serious deja vu that includes mass muggings and wilding out (not the Nick Cannon kind either). That’s the old New York everyone always muses about. While it’s easy to say the lessened danger of New York is a good thing (and, on a basic level, it obviously is), the dangerous side of NYC was kind of the thing that kept it interesting. Unlike other dangerous cities like Detroit or Philly, people wanted to be in NYC so bad they’d risk it…but only to visit. If they happened to get robbed, them’s the breaks…they’d go back home and have their own NEW YORK story to tell.
Now that it’s all safe and shit, every douche with a dream (and $money$) has decided they need to be here. Sadly, in terms of the the new city transplants, it’s only gonna get worse, Thanks Sex and The City!
But, you know what? If you’re a native a New Yorker and can’t handle that, maybe you should just move anyway. Obviously NYC hasn’t hardened your shell enough to the point where you can “deal” with non-New Yorkers fucking up New York. Then again, if you move, you’ll be living in a place where EVERYONE is not from New York.
Have fun with that shit!
On a side note, it is against NYC code for anyone who hasn’t lived here longer then 15 years to complain about “how things used to be”.If you weren’t here before Guiliani, you’re talking out your ass.