Go-getter motherfuckers


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You ever meet someone who talks a big game? Someone who seemingly moves and shakes around town but in reality, they’re a total loser? These are the grown up version of kids in grade school who did the extra credit assignments. I’ve never understood people like this.

Networking is one thing, in some lines of work, you have to network to get work (I think that’s a Young Joc song title, if not, I’d like to trademark it).

My questions are; When did pushiness become ok? And when are these people not full of shit? When you actually have shit going for you, you don’t seek the help of strangers, they seek you.

Here are a few examples….

1.) The “Coincidence” Guy –

This is the guy who talks about all the great shit he does and when he finds out you’re both in the same field. Without knowing anything about you, he immediately want’s to work with you…

“You play guitar? Dude, I play drums…we gotta work together!”

Why? Maybe I’m a folk musician and you do death metal…It’s not gonna work. Even after explaining that, this guy will persist, leaving it pretty out in the open that he is a both desperate and blowing smoke up your ass.

2.) The “I Know Everyone” Guy –

Just cause you know someone of moderate importance or fame doesn’t mean shit.

“No way, you know Judge Rienhold? That’s crazy…”

Anytime you meet someone who is so willing to drop names, it’s usually an easy sign of a person with nothing to offer. In fact, people I know who actually know famous people tend to hide it (or at least be discrete). This is also the kid of person who might refer to a famous person they’ve met once solely by their first name. for instance;

“Oh, Benecio was there…he looked amazing.”

For some reason, people who feign familiarity with distant acquaintances have always bothered me… perhaps it’s because they’re full of shit? Yeah, that’s probably it.

3.) The Relentless –

Going for yours is one thing but knowing when to stop is another. How many times can someone’s social advances be politely deflected before you have to yell “Please shut the fuck up!” and hit them over the head with a highball glass? No, I have no interest in what you’re selling/writing/recording, keep it moving. These are the same dudes who hit on girls to the point where they almost catch a case. They are social rapists.

4.) The Hot Air Guy –

This usually is the guy that if you haven’t seen in a long time, being human, you might politely ask how they’ve been and what they’ve been up to (even though it’s not a question you’d expect a lengthy answer from). All of sudden, you’re getting a rundown of all the crap they’ve supposedly done the last few years. As it goes on you realize “Wow…this person is totally prattling off bullshit”, it’s like someone padding their own life resume. People who actually do shit most likely don’t wanna talk about it at length, they’re over it and/or sick of talking about it. The irony of these guys is that while they are seemingly bragging about their imaginary accomplishments, it’s fairly clear that they are merely listening to themselves babble nonsense and they know it. By the time they’re done they sound like a beaten man and, well, they are.

Whatever happened to “I’m fine..whatever. How are you?” is that so hard?

All of these people are pretty much a more social version of obnoxious squatters begging for eyebrow piercing money, or those shitty greenpeace volunteers who will not leave you alone when you’re simply walking down the street to go to the corner store. The difference is, with the go-getter types, I can’t just walk by them and pretend they don’t exist. So, in a way, they’re the worst.

On a side note, I’ve learned from a lifetime of walking around nyc, that there’s really nothing worthwhile that can come from someone stopping you on the street. Chances are, they either want to sell you some bullshit or want you to just give them something of yours.

Fuck strangers, best case scenario, they need directions.

3 thoughts on “Go-getter motherfuckers

  1. Your blog has become an addiction. I don’t want to read it, but I have to.

    I used to live in LA and I had a roommate who was “in the business”. He was supposedly a movie producer although he had never actually produced a damn thing. I lost what very little respect I had for him when we went to a party and I found his business card posted up in the bathroom right above the shitter.

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