If you’re gonna go low, be proud of it.

Remember when The Jerry Springer Show stopped showing the fights? The whole reason that show was at all popular was cause people took joy in watching swamp dwelling mongoloids beat the shit out of each other over petty/outrageous beefs. I remember when that change took place, I lost what little interest I had in the show and never watched again. While it could be argued that they made that change to boost sales of “Too Hot For TV” DVD’s, it certainly wasn’t presented like that. No, as far as viewers were concerned, they were taking the high road. The show that was so famously about family members sleeping with multiple family members decided they were gonna make strides towards being a class act. The story lines remained the same but whenever a weave was being pulled out, the camera would cut away because they were better than that. Therein lies the problem; When your whole existence is on some low brow shit, that is your worth. There’s no one thing you can change to even it out. I’m in no way judging actual low brow shit, hell, I’m a fan. I love fart jokes now just as much as I did when I was 13. It’s the entertainment industry’s need to pretend it’s better than it actually is that gets to me.

A perfect example is the “gross out comedy” of the late nineties. When “Kingpin” and “American Pie” came out, a new genre was born (or re-born depending how old you are). These were movies made for the 14 year old boy in all of us. Titties, shit jokes, slap stick involving cum…all that shit. Once Hollywood noticed this was a hot ticket they started churning them out like crazy. The Farrelly brothers (who made Kingpin, Something About Mary, and Dumb and Dumber) were at the forefront of this movement but they were also the first to ruin it. Instead of just charging along and making unapologetic funny movies for low lifes, they decided these movies would have a broader value if they added a sappy love story in the mix. So, what we were left with was a movie that was half dick jokes and another half the most syrupy love story bullshit written for girls who are obsessed with horses and have butterfly tattoos. The two simply did not mix.

My question is – Why even go there?

The movies were making money without the sappy bullshit. What kind of dipshit goes to a gross out comedy and actually gives a shit about the love story? Teenaged girls? Old people? It just doesn’t make sense. It’s pandering to an audience that isn’t even your audience. It’s kinda like having a friend who only fucks morbidly obese girls. That’s his thing. he loves it and no one is changing him. He enjoys it and more power to him. People may shit on him for it and diss, but that’s simply where his head is at. He’d be playing himself by even pretending to wanna fuck a skinny girl. The entertainment industry is basically that guy but instead of being joyously balls deep in a manatee of a woman, he’s hatefully fucking an Olsen twin with a half limp dick simply cause he thinks it’s the right thing to do.

The thing is, everyone wants to make everyone happy all the time. Obviously, this is impossible. in most cases, it ends up with your actual fans abandoning you. It happens in music all the time. From MC Hammer trying to be a tough guy to Guns and Roses using electronic drum machines. Natural change is a beautiful thing. But changing to widen your audience by removing your most valid attributes is pretty much the dumbest and most spineless shit you can do. Not to mention, it rarely works.

So, next time I’m watching something like the old Sharon Osbourne’s Charm School Reunion special and fists start a’flyin’, I wanna see close ups. I wanna see bloody blonde hair extensions mopping the floor. I want to see real tears and I want to see the unabashed anger of someone with a double digit IQ.

Don’t get all high and mighty when you’re whole point is exploiting the worst people in America. If you’re gonna exploit, go all out. There is no half stepping in exploitation. If that is your aim, it can NEVER go too far that would defeat the purpose. The one great thing about low brow shit, when done right, is that it takes balls.

If you’re gonna take that route, ride it till the wheels fall off. Otherwise, you might as well be making christian rock videos or something.

But hey, if what you want is exposure…now that’s a big audience…

Throwaway files Vol 1.

I recently found a bunch of old beat tapes (literally cassettes). I hadn’t listened to any of that stuff in over 5/6 years and thought it would be cool to digitalize them. All these beats are either not saved or past the point where i would/could put them out. Included on these cassettes were the first beats I ever made. They date back to around 94/95 before i even had a sampler of my own. My homeboy Kasm (formally of the Atoms family) had just bought a MPC so i would go over there with samples and we’d make beats. this continued till about late 95 when i finally got my own sampler. While it was nice to have my own equipment , the difference in quality between what I was doing and what Kasm and I were doing was noticeable to say the least. in short, my solo beats sucked…for a long time. Not realizing this at the time i recorded everything i made and kept plugging away at it. it’s a good thing i did cause i’d very likely be working some shitty minimum wage job had i not.
so, with that, i give you “throwaway files Vol. 1”. it’s 16 random beats i made between 95-2003 that will never be used or heard in any other way. i chose these 16 randomly from about 175 tracks. the only one i picked specifically was the first beat i ever made (with kasm). it’s pretty bad but still crazy to hear after all these years. if you guys are into this kinda shit, lemme know and i’ll post more as this blog progresses.
I just figured those of you who are into beats and the beat making process (nerds) would be curious of how my beats have progressed over the years.
Download Link:

Song of the day 1/26/10


G.W.Y.N By Alix Dobkin

This one is awesome. I was touring and we had a stop in north hampton. I figured i’d kill some time and go look for records (a common touring practice). So, i’m sifting through dollar records and the selection is abysmal. Sometimes, when that happens, i give up on looking for samples ann just try and salvage something that may be funny or have strange vocal samples on it. That is when i came across this glorious record. I wish i could find the actual album cover but google is being no help right now. regardless, when i got home and slapped this on the record player, i hit the fucking jackpot. honestly, the rest of the album was forgettable but this one song was immediately my shit. be clear, it’s a terrible song but in the best way possible. Dobkin seems like she’s almost freestyling at points. she just kinda meanders through verses about how awesome it is to be a lesbian and explaining to us “what is the quirk, that separates us from all of them” with out regard for song structure or really anything musical. including her shitty yet passable voice.
I played this for my mom once when she was driving me somewhere and she laughed so hard she almost drove off the road.
I hope a few of you enjoy this song as much as i do.

Before they were stars part 2


doin’ it: children of the corn
the children of the corn are pretty much the “before they were famous” super group of all time. the line up consisted of cam’ron (known then as killa cam), herb mcgruff, big L, mase (then know as murda mase) and cam’s cousin bloodshed. with the exception of bloodshed, all these guys eventually went on to bigger things , ranging from underground hero to puffy’s arm candy. in these early days, they were just on some straight up harlem shit and this was during a time when harlem wasn’t really being represented much in hip hop. the group eventually broke up and they all went their separate ways. years later Cam became Harlem’s ambassador and pretty much carved his own niche through his gaudy braggadocio style. mase got as famous as will smith by wearing shiny space suits but then found jesus. he then attempted a comeback but no one really cared. herb mcgruff was an underground favorite for years but never really got the proper large scale release he deserved. big l, arguably the most talented mc of the crew, put out a solo album and a bunch of great singles but was tragically killed before we ever got to see how good he could have gotten. also, bloodshed was killed in a car accident.

dolly my baby: supacat featuring puffy, biggie and third eye
obviously, this song is mad famous and even drunk sorority girls know it. however, i really wanted to highlight the progression of puff daddy…as a rapper. it’s no secret he’s pretty much jumped from style to style throughout his career. he’s sounded like mase, he’s sounded like biggie and he’s even sounded like Pharaoh monch. but who was his first influence? apparently, it was 3rd eye. known for his distinctively early 90’s “whiny baby talk” style, it’s clear puff was feeling the kid when he kicked his verse on “dolly my baby”. which is funny considering biggie murders the track and puff opted to sound like the guy sounds like he could have easily been a member of the mystidious misfits
if you’re wondering “who/what the fuck are you talking about?” i mean these guys:

syndication: everlast
i first saw everlast in ice-t’s “what ya wanna do?” video. he stood out cause, well, he was a white guy and back then there weren’t many white dudes popping up on yo!mtv raps. around that same time (1990), he released his horrific solo album “forever everlasting”. seen in his video for “i got the knack” rocking a suit and slicked back hair, his cocky pretty boy steeze never took off so he vanished, only to pop up two years later looking a little different. now he had a shaved head, tattoos and he was really really irish. as lead rapper of “house of pain” , he pretty much made one of the most popular rap songs of all time in “jump around” and made tons of money.
“house of pain” knocked out a few more albums but eventually vanished as well. then, in 1998, a man bearing the same name as everlast came out busting second rate tom waits songs over hip hop tracks (produced by the highly underrated SD50’s). indeed, the man who once had “the knack” had returned to music after a heart attack , as well supposed bouts with drug addiction (it was probably weed).

sexcapades: prince rakeem (aka the RZA)
right before Wu tang changed the game, prince rakeem AKA the RZA was signed as a solo artist to tommy boy records. he released a 12” with the kinda known joint “ohh, we love you rakeem”. yes, much like his counterpart , the GZa, early RZA was on some sex shit. for the ladies…but the beats were still dope and you could obviously tell there was skill there. a few years later, you’d never guess the same guy was the brain behind one of the grimiest and most influential groups to come of of NYC ever.

young man rumble (smooth philly style mix): max and sam
this one is of particular interest to me cause these guys are actually from my neighborhood. max and sam kellerman grew up on 10th street in downtown manhattan. not exactly a hotspot for rappers but , hey, i certainly can’t knock them.

if you’re wondering “great, but where does the who “before they were famous” part come in?” well, max, the older of the two, was known in nyc for his public access show “max on boxing” where he would discuss boxing with random callers and just talk shit. that show went on for years and, eventually , max got noticed and was picked up by espn to host “around the horn” , as well as work with HBO boxing. he definitely knows his shit.
in 93/94 ,after the success of house of pain and 3rd bass, labels were scrambling to find the next white cash cow. ruffhouse somehow landed on these two. around the same time, tommy boy had “the whooliganz” and east/west records had “the knuckleheadz” (white rappers were all about the “z” instead of “s” move). all three groups dropped 12” and what seemed like surefire success would eventually end up in three way tie for last place. they never released anything after that.
as for sam , he took over for his brother on the public access show and kept it going while pursuing an acting career. he eventually left NYC and moved to L.a. where he was shockingly murdered at the hands of a chemically imbalanced boxer who was also a close friend of his.

here’s the music:

1)syndication: everlast
2)young man rumble: max and sam
3)doin it: children of the corn
4)dolly my baby
5)sexcapades: prince rakeem
bonus track
6)i be (remix): mystidious misfits

(this was originally posted on the TROY blog)

The best birdcall ever

I kinda get the feeling that no one who reads this blog is into sports (pussies), but for those of you who are, peep this. it’s a mattress commercial starring Chris “The Birdman” Anderson , who plays for the Denver Nuggets. He’s a high energy guy off the bench who blocks shots and pretty much flaps his arms around like a delicate eagle after doing anything good. He’s also a recovering drug addict who was kicked out of the league earlier in his career for his love of a good time. when he was allowed back in, he returned a new man.”The Birdman” was born, sporting a mohawk, a touch of meth face and chock full of tattoo’s.
regardless, he’s the fucking man.
I’m guessing this clip is a local commercial and it’s pretty whatever but around 20 seconds in, the magic happens. serious magic. i wanna make it my ringtone.

special thanks to “the proud franchise” blog for putting me onto this. Peep it on my blogroll if you like sports and people talking shit about the knicks. good stuff.

Song of the day 1/25/10


All on my nutsac By Da Lench Mob
Ice cube’s understudies released a criminally slept on album in 1992. I always felt this was the sleeper cut off of it. It features Ice Cube and is surprisingly positive , considering this is the same group that made the awesome “kill whitey” theme song “buck the devil”.

The other hole

I have absolutely no interest in assholes. I’m not talking about you and you’re jerk off friends, I’m speaking of the place where your shit comes from. Whether it be my asshole or a girl’s asshole, there has never been a part of me that has ever really wanted to go there…

For years I’ve been anti-anus under the “it’s where shit comes from” rule. However, lately I’ve found myself listening to tons of old Loveline episodes while I play internet scrabble (yeah, shit is mad real) which has only furthered my crusade. Now I have medical facts to back up what was just me being grossed out by the idea of getting shit on me.

Here’s the thing, there’s four different anal categories to me:

1.) Men and Girl’s Assholes
2.) Men and Other Men’s Assholes
3.) Women and Men’s Assholes
4.) Women and Other Girl’s Assholes

Let’s Discuss:

Men and Girls Assholes:

Some guys I know loooooove anal sex, some guys don’t even do it much but just love the idea of it, and some, like myself, could care less. I tried it once when I was drunk and I didn’t see what the point was. Why fuck the shit filled hole when there’s a perfectly good non shit filled hole right next to it?

“But it feels so good!”

..I’m sure it does…so does fucking a pumpkin. A friend of mine once described it as making an ‘ok’ sign out of your fingers and fucking that because it’s super tight on entry and then super roomy once you’re in. I don’t see the big deal. I’ve always felt like there’s this weird domination thing that coexists with anal sex. As if men enjoy doing something to a girl that they most likely don’t like that much. Girls don’t have prostate glands and that’s the whole selling point on men getting it in the ass. Some girls love anal sex but I’d be willing to bet most girls either hate it or tolerate it. When guys are deeply into anal, it makes me think they kinda like hurting girls. Call me a feminist (ha!) but that’s just how I see it.

So, anyway, as I said I’ve been listening to way to much Loveline and I heard something very interesting, apparently, women’s anus’ start to pretty much fall apart around age 60. If a woman has a decent amount of anal sex, it speeds this deterioration ten fold. So, basically, if you’re getting fucked in the ass all the time you can pretty much expect to have a completely prolapsed anus at some point in your early golden years. Ever since I heard that, I’ve been telling every girl who will listen like I’m a bible salesmen spreading the word of the lord. I honestly don’t even know why cause, it’s not like I’m fucking them or I give a shit about how wrecked their anus’ are when they turn 40…I think I just like the reactions: Horror and/or laughing.

Men and Other Men’s Assholes:

Go for it…I suppose we have prostates for a reason. The last thing I’m gonna ever do is try and tell a gay dude about men’s assholes, they know that shit inside out and backwards. Luckily for gay guys, they have a place to put the penis and the penis to use. Poor lesbians just have to eat each other out, bump clams and use fake dicks all the time.

Girls and Mens Assholes:

I have this completely unproven and retarded theory about guys who like getting their ass played with (and, shockingly, it’s not that they are all gay). It’s that, IF they were gay, they’d be bottoms. Yes, if these guys were into men, They’d be on the receiving end as opposed to giving side. Why? cause they like how it feels when things go in their asses. Pretty simple really but I feel like it makes sense. I kinda eliminates all “top” and “bottom” theories cause, usually , when you think of that, you think of a big top boning a little bottom. Ironically, most dudes I know who like a little ass play done on them are on the bigger side of things.

But I digress, male ass play…hmm…I don’t doubt it feels good. A billion gays can’t be wrong but here’s my problem with it: Men have disgusting assholes. We take gross shits and fart all the time and there’s no amount of wiping on earth that can fix that. Sure, an enema can make it ok but who’s getting an enema at 5 am after taking some drunk slut home?

Also, as i wrote about in an earlier blog entry, I’ve had the prostate exam..and it sucked. If a girl ever licked my ass, it would pretty much be a wrap on any kissing that would ever go down again. Her mouth could gargle borax and hydrogen peroxide all fucking day but I’d have nothing to do with it. She might as well wear one of those contamination suits from E.T. over her fucking head. I’ve had a girl or two try to stick fingers in there and sell me it as “something I’d like” but the reality is, I don’t even wanna know. Kinda like how I’m sure Antarctica is really pretty but I’ll be damned if I ever wanna go there.

What gets me is that girls actually want to do that to a dude. Do they not have assholes? Ladies, take your asshole, add hair and a heap of grossness to it and that equals a normal man’s asshole and if, by some miracle, he has a clean asshole, do you really wanna fuck a dude who grooms his anus? That’s just weird (if you’re straight).

Girls and Other Girls Assholes:

Really, who fucking cares? Go nuts just take it easy on the dildoes or you’ll be pooping out of a gross fleshy descended sphincter tube by the time your 45.

In closing, this is all me. Don’t be mad if you totally disagree. That’s why I’m me and you’re you. If you’re a girl and love getting your shit packed, go for it but also be aware of the possible problems in may bring in the future. If you’re a dude and you like ass play, go for it. If you’ve found a girl willing to put up with your filthy anus, more power to you. Just remember, if you were in jail, you’d be the one getting banged out…

but that’s fine cause you’d love every fucking second of it.

Song of the day 1/24/10


Remix medley 1 By Tugboat

I don’t know much about this guy. My boy despot put me on to this song years ago and I used to dj it a little. the response always ranged from joyous to complete confusion. Personally, I think it’s pretty awesome.
In short, it’s a guy remixing popular hip hop songs (from about 5 years ago) using 8-bit atari music. check it out.

Great moments in sexual ignorance

A hot topic for many mc’s over the years has been sex. whether it be their own sexual prowess, their ability to whore women or their utter dislike of women outside of the vagina they provide, pretty much all the bases have been covered.
Here’s a mix of songs dedicated to the topic of sexual ignorance. While most of these are funny , i’d be lying if i said there aren’t a few on here that with offend 95% of the listeners, so proceed with caution. if this isn’t you bag, don’t download these songs. there’s plenty of of other shit on this blog to download that won’t horrify your soul.
1)goosebumps: fesu
2)on the bone again: brooklyn assault team
3)gangsta mak: gangsta nip
4)i luh hur: akinyele
5)maria maria (freestyle): dip set
6)behind closed doors: mc ren
7)da nex niguz: onyx
8)hey mister: kool g rap
9)secret fantasies: tim dog feat. ultramagnetic mc’s
10)break a bitch neck:kool g rag and akinyele
11)your girlfriend is a hoe:kurupt
12)why you bullshittin’?:suge free

(this was originally posted on the TROY blog, peep them on my blogroll)