Song of the day 3/26/10

Pins and Needles By Mellow-E
This is off one of the old “Underground Airplay” mixtapes the lyricist lounge used to put out. This is before Rawkus existed when the Lyricist Lounge was a weekly event that was trying to make a name for itself. Looking back on those mixtapes (i think there were 5 or 6 original tapes) , a lot of the stuff doesn’t hold up particularly well but some of the songs were seriously dope. This joint was always one of my favorites from those tapes.

Google will lead you to me , you fucking losers.

Wordpress blogs keep awesome stats. This is especially nice for me cause i’m a stat nerd and that shit fascinates me. They let you know how many people are reading the blog daily, as well as what they’re reading. even more in depth , they show you how people arrived at the blog. Many get linked from other sources (my myspace, twitter, ect…) but a lot of the traffic here comes from google searches. Many are simple like “blockhead” or “phat friend” of “nina simone mix”.The most common of all these searches, however, is “MILF”.
One of my earlier entries in this blog was about MILF’s. It got a pretty typical response when I posted it and I paid it no mind after that. However, unlike most blog posts before and after it , I noticed it was getting a steady readership every day , a month after it had already been posted. This is obviously due to people’s google searches. I find it kinda funny that there is very likely some guy , cracking his knuckles in preparation for the nut he will soon be busting, as he peruses google in search of the hottest MILF porn available, only to happen upon my picture-less and wordy diatribe about how I kinda get the “MILF” craze that’s so popular nowadays. That visual reminds me of the time about ten years ago when this friend of mine strategically hid a porno in my apartment and didn’t tell me. He placed it under one of my chairs and i stumbled across it one day when i had dropped my remote for the TV. It was a VHS cassette tape of some seemingly dope old vintage porn, still in the box. Being the adventurer that I am, I figured
“hey, it’s 2 pm on a wednesday…perhaps a brief masturbation break is in order.”
So, I pop the tape into my VCR and plop down on my couch. I gather my necessities (lotion, tissues, self worth) and press play. The first scene starts and it’s two dudes talking. My member is still in my pants and I’m pretty much just waiting for some slut to walk in the room so shit can get it poppin’. These vintage porno’s actually had story lines so the fact that there was not immediate fucking wasn’t that unusual. A minute passes and no girls in sight (to clarify, I lost the VCR remote so i couldn’t just fast forward like a normal masturbator might). I start to get a weird feeling that something is awry. Right then, the two dudes start making out. I jumped up , turned the tape off and pop it out the VCR , only to notice the title on the actual VHS tape is not the same as the cardboard cover had advertised. No, the title was actually “Little Boy Blew: Army Recruits”. Served. On the bright side, I’m glad I hadn’t started jerking off in anticipation of a girl walking it, so that’s good.
It turns out , my friend who planted the VHS tape there had done so over a month prior. He found a bag of porno’s of the street and did a little mix and matching with the covers. I couldn’t even be mad. It was a pretty awesome prank and his patience he showed to not blow it by asking me if i had found anything is like that of a Buddhist monk.
Props to you, asshole.
so, yeah, if you’re some dude that just found this post by googling any of the various tags I put on it , i’d like to say “hello” and also “What the fuck is wrong with you? you know they have free porn websites right? they’re everywhere. let me help you:

seriously. Who needs to google “milf” to jerk off? Even a caveman could figure that shit out. Herb.

Throwaway files Vol. 5

Yet again, another volume. Collect them all. I got about 7 or so more of these volumes so, you know, this train don’t stop any time soon.
Upon re-listening to some of these old tracks, one thing stands out: I was a HUGE fan of all things flutey.
but, as my man Aesop once described it “Elf-life has shelf-life”. You can’t really argue with that.
What What , in the butt:

Song of the day 3/24/10

How that sound By BD Booze Featuring Fish B One.
This is a pretty rare song made by former members of the highly slept ongroup Da Bushwackass. They dropped an album On Pallas records in the mid 90’s that was just some straight up angry brooklyn thug shit. With crazy beats and a more rapid fire flow than their angry thugged out counterparts, Da Bushwackass always stuck out to me. They had a small hit with “caught in the game” shortly after their debut album began to fade but , as far as I know, they never made another official album.
This song must have come out sometimes after that. Good shit.
Props to verge from the TROY blog for hooking me up with this joint.

I’ll pass on oldness

I recently went to an orthopedic doctor to get my fucked up shoulder looked at. As I walked into the office I was surprised by the insane amount of super old people there were in the waiting room. It makes sense that an orthopedic doctor’s office would be brimming with the elderly but I was not expecting it, so I was caught off guard.

While sitting in the tiny waiting room that smelled like ratty old person mildew, I got sort of sad (or, as sad as I am able to get). Not because I pitied the old folks in the room with me, sure, it sucks to be them, but more because the realization hit me , more than ever before, that getting old is going to suck.

I remember when i was in my early 20’s, someone posed the question; “Would you rather live an amazing life and die at 40 or live a normal life and die at 80?” Back then I went with the ‘amazingly dead at 40’ plan which was partially due to the fact that my idea of an amazing life was smoking mad weed, getting drunk all the time, and fucking as many beautiful women as I could wrangle. Over a decade later, I can’t say I’d really want either option. Seeing that I’m closer to 40 then i am to 20, I don’t think my life is close to being complete.

Perhaps Ii should smoke more weed, drink more, and have more sex? Meh…

The thing is, I still don’t feel like a grown up most of the time. I think you assume that certain shit is just going to kick in when you turn a certain age but, as far as I can see, I’m still sitting at the kids table come Thanksgiving. On a similar note, upon seeing the wretched existence that most 80 plus year olds have, I’d certainly like to pass on that as well.

You know how people say that the great thing about getting older is that you get wiser? This is certainly true yet I feel like there’s a cap on that, somewhere between 65 and 80, you’re as wise as you’re gonna get. You’re not learning shit after that point. In fact, I’d wager that all that wisdom is overridden by slowly losing your mind and your body’s complete failure to do what you want it to. I saw an old guy get called in for his appointment and it took him 5 minutes to stand up and another 5 to walk 15 feet to the door, not to mention, he had to lean on the wall for balance. That fucking sucks on every level imaginable. If the choice is that kind of life or death, I’d take death without hesitation.

What’s also shitty about being old is that you have to deal with young people and a changing world around you. My mom is in her early 70’s and the thought of teaching her how to send a text message is mind numbing, I might as well teach a new born baby how to tie a sailors knot. I’m not looking forward to 50 years from now when motherfuckers are flying around in jet packs and sending mind texts from their internal i-phone brain stem attachment. I can just see myself weakly grasping at my 20 year old apple laptop as the last thing I ‘understand’.

So, personally, I’d like to call it quits when my body does. Granted, that could be anywhere between 70 and 90 but I feel like it’s a good benchmark. The second I am permanently unable to walk on my own, wheel my old ass to the nearest bridge and dump me into the waters below like a sack of wet laundry.

Trust me, I won’t feel a thing.

Song of the day 3/23/10

Stay With Me Tonight By Jeffrey Osborne

This is as new as i’ll probably ever get with the R&b with my “Song of the day”. In fact, This song is pretty much a guilty pleasure. It’s got that late 80’s cheese factor for sure, but you know what? It’s a dope song. Fuck the bullshit, This is a song I wish was much more popular with younger people cause it’s fun to DJ except no one under the age of 30 has ever heard it. Oh well…

Posse Cut Extravaganza! Volume 1

So, a loyal reader had an idea that I post up a mix of my favorite posse cuts. I think this is a great idea but i figure I might as well go all out. I’m gonna just go ahead and post up 10 or so volumes of my favorite posse cuts of all time. Sure, i could whittle it down to a solid 15 songs but…fuck that. I’ve got over 100 different posse cuts and why not spread the love.
Just a few guidelines for clarity:
1)I’m leaving out some seriously famous ones. Songs like “scenario” , “live at the bbq”, “headbanger”, “buddy” and “the symphony” are all obviously classics but who hasn’t heard those to death by now? Might as well bring a little freshness to the table.
2)in my opinion, A posse cut is either a song with 3 or more separate artists on it or 5 or more people on it who aren’t all part of one group.
This means, A song with Brand Nubian and KMD , while only two groups, counts as a posse cut. This also means a Wu-tang clan song featuring all the WU members, is not a posse cut.
I could easily be wrong about this but that’s how i feel and those are the qualifications I’ll be using.
I plan on throwing a new one up every week until I run out of songs.
So, here’s Volume one. This is all gonna be done in random order. Enjoy.
1)Back to the grill: Mc serch Featuring Red hot lover tone, Chubb rock, and nas
2)Action speaks louder than words: Gangsta Nip Featuring Scarface, Willie D and Seagram
3) freestyle ghetto: King Tee Featuring Xzibit, Tha Alkaholiks, and Breeze
4)Hot Hot: Mad Skillz Featuring Danja Mouth and Lonnie B.
5)Mansion and a yacht: Kurious Featuring Sadat X and Mike G.
6)Cypha session IV: Lyricist Lounge (honestly, There’s a shitload of guys on here, I don’t know who some of them are. sorry)
7)Real live shit Remix: Real Live Featuring Cappadonna, Ghostface, Killa Sin , and Lord Tariq
8)Niggaz ain’t Ready: Boot Camp Click (Heltah Skeltah, Smif n’ wesson, Black Moon and OGC’z
9)Pass dat shit: Diamond D Featuring Whiz one, Maestro, Fat Joe and Mike GQ
10)Santa Rita Weekend: The Coup Featuring E-40 and Spice 1

Positivity is the way to go

Things have been pretty negative in this blog for a good while now..well, since it began really but who’s really keeping tabs. This week, light up the incense, bust out some merlot and let’s get positive…I got so much love in my heart sometimes I gotta just let it all out…in a blog. A happy blog.

Here goes!

Things I love:

Watching America’s Funniest Home Videos on mute

Fart Jokes

Not Having to Wait for Anything

Fat People Sprinting

Drunk Clubby Girls with Hooker Heels Tripping When They Walk Over Subway Grates

Failure by People I Dislike

The Smell of Sulfur, Gasoline and my Own Urine After Eating Asparagus

Eating A Good Steak

A Good Dump

Watching Strangers Fight on The Street

Lower Back Dimples (on girls)

Writing Things in List Form (It soothes my inner OCD retard)

Pom Tea. (Although it’s super expensive, it tastes great and you get a free glass out of it. In fact, about 85% of the glasses in my home are Pom glasses.)

All Things That are Free (of charge)

Seeing a Skateboarder Really Eat It Hard

Knowing The Bartender

Knowing That the Last Korn Album Failed Miserably

My Mom’s Taste In Rap

Justified Hating

Unjustified Hating (For the hell of it and for the reactions it gets out of people who take things way too seriously)

Puppies (Videos only, in real life, fuck’em)

Chicken Cutlet Sandwich with Provolone (melted), Extra Mayo, Lettuce and Tomato on a Roll

When a Hangover is Slightly Less Than Awful


Keeping Stats

Not Vomiting


And the list goes on…thats just the tip of the love iceberg.
Oh, but wait, that reminds me…I forgot, who am I kidding, I have mad hate in my heart…and it goes like this…

Things I Hate:

Vertically Striped Button-ups and the Douche Bags who Wear Them

This Whole Geek and Dork Movement Going on in Williamsburg (I’m bringing wedgies back for those motherfuckers)

Girls With Underbites

Cokehead Breath in my Grill

99% of Female Rappers and Comedians

College Students and Their Fucking Opinions

Aggressive Bums

People who Can’t Fathom me Not Watching The Sopranos

The Sound Styrofoam Makes When it’s Touched


Native Americans and Their Petty Fucking Problems (just kidding)

Bad Head

…and that’s where the list ends.

Everything else on the planet, I have no opinion on.