I was in a cab the other day and the driver was blasting Z100 (the local all pop music station here in NYC). I hadn’t listened to the radio in forever and honestly, i didn’t recognize a single song.
Well, somewhere along the ride, the song above came on. Typically, I wouldn’t really even be listening close enough or paying attention beyond the “This is a shitty pop song” realization, but homeboy up front was PUMPING it loud. It kinda forced me listen to the lyrics.
This is the song:
After about one verse I just started cracking up. Alone. Maybe it’s just me but there’s something strangely maniacal about literally LOL’ing when no one else is around. Now, the reason I was laughing so hard was not due to the utterly mediocre and forgettable song i was listening to. No, I was laughing as the delusion of the lyrics. Now, obviously, this is a pop song written for teenagers and has no basis in truth and should not be given at thoughts of depth what so ever. But the whole idea behind the song just got me. Here she is, just a girl (word to Gwen Stefani) dating a guy who just obviously thinks she’s a completely annoying. I’d say it’s safe to say a typical relationship between a younger girl in her teens and and an older guy in his late teens/early 20’s. That’s clear. He verbally abuses her by telling her that she’s stupid, not funny , lazy and all sorts of other things that are, in all likelyhood, completely true. BUT THEN! Prince fucking charming comes out the woodworks and blows her mind with the one thing insecure girls all over the world cannot resist: compliments. Not just you typical “you have pretty eyes” compliments either. No, this guy let’s her know that she’s in fact very smart as well as totally hilarious. Obviously. That’s pretty much the whole song. Boyfriend with no appreciation VS. New guy who says nice things.
Now, what I find so funny about this is that the song is clearly written to be a big “in your face!” to all the guys out there who play the role of “insensitive boyfriend” under the guise that, there’s always a guy out there that will treat you right blah blah blah. But the real beauty of it is that , even in this totally made up and hypothetical “relationship”, the complimentary guy is VERY likely just saying some shit to get some pussy. I’m talking it’s 95% chance that that is a fact (if this situation actually ever did exist). Now, to every 15 year old girl who is “dating” some 19 year old dude (who only sees her when his dick is hard) , this song is inspiration that there is indeed a Mr. Right out there. Fair enough. Crazily misguided and completely wrong, but fair enough. However, what Orianthi overlooked is that men will also be hearing this song. So, while she’s talking about this awesome new guy that understands her and worships her, pretty much every guy who’s ever heard this song is rolling their eyes so far back they’re looking at their own gums. The reason these men are rolling their eyes is cause we know exactly the kind a guy she’s talking about. regardless, of the actuality of this song, this over complimentary, prince charming type of guy does exist and guess what? He’s a lying motherfucker with a game plan. In no way am i presuming that there are no good men out there. That’s insane. Look at me. I’m totally great. My point is that dudes that bury you in compliments (particularly right off the bat) are just a slightly evolved version of predator. So, in a round about way, this song is pretty much opening up all sorts of ‘tween broads to the wonders of what is to come. Getting dogged out by dudes who will say anything to jerk off with their vagina. Seriously, if all it takes is telling a girl she’s funny and smart, there is no hope for you ladies. Get you mind right! Orianthi may be able to shred an ill guitar solo but i warn you, do not trust this bitch. She basically just made the theme song for settling. Kudos for that one, bro.