Allow me to overshare…
Without a doubt, my most feminine characteristic is that i’m somewhat of a gossip. I love hearing fucked up shit and I love telling people that same fucked up shit i just heard. I have no idea why i’m like this but i’ve been like that for as long as i can remember. Following this particular character flaw of mine, over the last few years I’ve kinda succumb to reading some of these celebrity gossip blogs. It began as the fastest way to see pics of famous peoples vaginas and tits but as it went on, i genuinely got into reading them on a daily basis. Pointless? Yes , but a lot of these motherfuckers are surprisingly funny and I’d be full of shit if i said i wasn’t somewhat of a pop culture whore. Unlike watching the news and keeping up with political happenings, tabloid shit is not real. Well, I mean, the shit actually happens (sometimes) but whether or not Britney shits out another baby or kills herself doesn’t really matter. therefor, it’s fun.
One of my main beefs with these blogs is that most of them are written by either catty gay dudes or bitchy women. It’s a certain kind of funny that I just don’t particularly find humorous. Not offensive at all, just kinda lame. The kind of jokes that might elicit high fives between trannie’s over mimosa’s the morning after a crazy party night. The most famous blogger is that fat gay lion perez hilton. Honestly, I’ve never read his blog cause I’m fairly certain whatever he thinks about anything doesn’t interest me. I’ve seen him in interviews and on the celebrity rap show and he pretty much is the living and breathing definition of “annoying gay dude”. To clarify (cause i know how easily people love to misread into statements like that): Gay people in general, i have no issue with. Gay people that are so flamboyant and annoying that they become caricatures of what a gay person is, are straight up annoying (Same way I think an overly compensating frat boy is poor caricature of “guys”), and perez is that times a million.
That leads to my biggest gripe with these blogs: Gay guys critiquing hot women. i mean, shit, I’m as big a judgmental asshole as they come but damn…these motherfuckers have nerve. Ok, sarah jessica parker is busted…I’m with you. but kim kardashian? lindsay lohan? Even Jessica Simpson. say what you will about them as people (they’re all fucking retards, duh) , but all three of those girls are hot. Yes, even chubby Jessica Simpson would get it. Don’t get it twisted. Ask ANY straight man who enjoys the idea of fucking.
I’ve seen them diss jessica biel and alba…it’s nuts. And people wonder why half the girls on america’s top model are grossly skinny and have sea monster faces…I’m all for flash judgments with an iron fist but that shit is out of line. stick to telling me how gay jake gyllanhall is and rating mario lopez’s abs. That I can’t argue.
However, aside from that, i can’t really knock their hustle. So, here are the three i read on a somewhat regular basis:
This one updates all the time. it’s good for that. It’s probably the least funny of the ones I read but they are on the ball when funny shit happens. It’s definitely one of those “Catty gay guy” blogs but he can be funny sometimes. The main downside of this blog is that sometimes he gets obsessed with shit i don’t give a fuck about (octomom, shauna sands, phoebe price, ect) and it’s just annoying to trudge through all that bullshit sometimes.
This one is my shit cause it’s written by a straight man who’s a total asshole. They don’t update enough but he writes the funniest shit by far. Occasionally , he’ll come a out his face against some really hot girls (he’s been hating on the red head from “mad men” for a while now and it’s pretty infuriating) as well as loving any girl who is kinda skinny with huge fake tits. I mean, everyone has got their own thing so, whatever. Just know, if there are nude pics or a famous woman on the internet, he will have them.
This one used to be written by a straight guy and lesbian. It was pretty funny when it was but i think she left it, so now it’s just him. He’s pretty good but nothing too amazing. I’d say the best part of this blog is the links they give you. They pretty much just look all over the net for all things funny and/or salacious and link you to it. The updates are not as often as I’d like but it’s still a nice one to check every now and then.
Obviously , there are millions more of these types of blogs but I’ve made the conscious choice to limit myself to just three. They tend to all report on the same things anyway , so three is really all you need. However, if i’m TRULY missing out on the funniest , most titty filled blog on the planet, and don’t know it, please feel free to let me know.