A little of this and a little of that

Something about the emergence of summer gets me more scattered then usual, hence this…yet another bunch of random shit…

European Guys Have It Good –

Every time I’m walking around NYC and see a super hot girl with a complete retard, I assume that couple is European. I’d say nine out of ten times I’m right, euro guys have no idea how good they have it. Obviously , not all euro guys are like this but the ones I’m referring to are the fanny-pack-toting, small-shorts-wearing, smelly little dorks. Here they are, prancing around the city hand in hand with some Gisele look alike as if it’s totally ok. I actually think it’s more a French thing then an ‘all of europe’ thing because whenever I’ve been in Montreal I’ve noticed the same thing.

Speaking of Montreal…what’s with the black wool socks , sandals and shorts? Just wondering.

You And Your Fucking Alter Ego –

Whenever people start saying things like, ‘My name is Todd but when I get drunk I become ‘The Dragon’!”, it’s pretty much guaranteed that person thinks a lot of themself. Usually, they’re the type of people who are on The Real World or rappers (rappers looooooooooove alter ego’s).
How ’bout this? Shut the fuck up with your alter egos. How bout, “My name is Todd but when I’m drunk I become a total fucking shitface.” That works way better for me.

As for the rappers, that shit is just comical. T.I. has his T.I.P., Jay-Z has his Jigga, Hova and a list of several others. Eminem has about 4 of them too…it’s bullshit. That’s like me saying; “Well, if I’m chilling, I’m Tony but when I’m writing blogs I’m ‘The Madman’ and when I’m taking a shit I’m ‘The Thinker’ and when I smoke weed I’m ‘Anxieteria’….”

Alter egos are basically just an ego maniac’s way of thinking that, because they have different moods or modes in life, that they’re fucking special. Basically, they’re so full of themselves they need more than one ego. Leave that to people who really need more than one, like schizophrenic people.

Heat Is Rugged –

Last summer in NYC was relatively mild; Lots of rain and some fair days. This summer has just begun to peek it’s head around the corner and is shaping up to be just as wacky as ever. regardless of those random 50 degree days we will probably have in July, the heat is no doubt coming and I think it’s wise to mentally prepare yourself. Prepare for things like walking 5 blocks and having a full sweat bib on your t-shirt. I’m talking about some serious old person death weather.
Here are some things that particularly suck in that kinda heat:

1.)Dog Shit
2.)Indian Food
4.)Homeless People (not them personally but walking by one is like sticking your head inside a rotting corpse’s stomach).
5.)Being a person that sweats a lot. (Changing shirts 3 times a day makes for lots of laundry)
6)Having the roggles…the heat is just not conducive to gross farts from hangovers. It’s like an amplifier for scents and one of those gross sunday afternoon whiskey farts will follow you around like a tail.

Who are these people? –

I was walking through the meat market (formerly the trans-sexual/scumbag epicenter of downtown Manhattan which is now where all the boutiques and clubs are) last weekend. While I appreciate what it’s doing for my property value, what the fuck is going on there? The clubs? I don’t get it. Well, I kinda do. Girls like to dress up, go out and dance so, bam, that’s why they’re there. Guys like to fuck girls, bam..that’s why they’re there…but I can’t help but wonder, ‘How did it get so bad?’

It’s really a testament to most of what’s going on in America. From movies to music to food…at some point, the people in charge of all that shit just kinda decided that we, as Americans, don’t give a fuck. Sadly, they’re pretty on point; For the most part, if we are told that something is good, we’ll gladly just nod and go along with it. So, when people hear about these meat market clubs and see other people loving them, why would they not just nod and go along?

I’m sure these clubs are nice, decorations and design and all that crap but at what point is someone like;

‘Ok, I wanna go to club and wait outside for a bouncer who might not let me in because of how I’m dressed or because of who I’m with or because I’m ugly. Then, if I get in, I wanna spend 10 bucks on a bud light or 15 bucks for a weak mixed drink while I dance to the same bullshit I hear on the radio all fucking day that I only like because it’s played relentlessly. I also wanna be crammed so tightly into a space with a group of douche bags, that going to the bathroom becomes an epic quest.’

Maybe it’s just me, I’ve never had that thirst for ‘the finer things in life’ because, in reality, none of that shit exists inside of a club. The whole mindset of that high post existence is something that should have died in most people around 11th grade.

And finally…I saw something kinda great…something new..a new level of disrespect –

So, I’m playing ball the other day and me and this douchey LA type guy are waiting to get the next game. He’s a nice enough guy but one of those people that when he gets on the court becomes a total prick. We’re watching the teams play and I’m pointing out certain players, I tell him about this one kid who goes by the name of ‘Muffin’. Muffin is one of the kids from the projects near the courts whose been playing at the park forever, it’s weird to say but I think I’ve known him for like 15 years at this point.

Muffin is one of those guys that if you’re down with him, he’s the most loyal person on earth. He’s also completely insane but, to me personally, he’s a nice guy. Over the years I’ve seen Muffin fight many many guys, I’ve seen him break bottles, I’ve seen him threaten two twins that he would cut them both up, to put it mildly, he’s a loose cannon. So, I inform LA douche guy all that because I know he’s the type to talk shit during games.

The game we are watching ends and we finally get on the court and for the first half of the game, things are fine. However, about 10 minutes in to the second half, something happens and LA douche says;
“Stop fouling me…”

Muffin yells back;
“I didn’t foul you!”

LA douche turns to Muffin and dismissively says;
“Chill out bro, I wasn’t talking to you..you’re not even guarding me.”

Within seconds Muffin open hand smacks the dude in the face, lightening quick. The douche backs up and people get in between them. Muffin is predictably yelling;
“Who does he think he is! I’m a grown ass man! He can’t talk to me like that! I’m a grown ass man!”

The guy is trying to settle shit down and it even seems like it might cool out. So, after a few minutes pass, LA douche calmly walks up to muffin extending his hand to shake;
“Hey man, forget about it, let’s just play ball.”

At that moment Muffin looks back it him, loads up and spits a mouth full of yellowish loogie into the guys open hand;
“Fuck you! I ain’t shaking your hand , nigga!”

Wisely, LA douche gets on his bike and breaks out. Game over. The point is, wow…spitting in the hand? That’s like fucking someone to death with an olive branch or gagging someone with a white flag. To be honest, I was impressed as I would have never thought to do that.

Muffin is truly an innovator in the art of disrespect.

7 thoughts on “A little of this and a little of that

  1. Sometimes I think I just shouldn’t read these posts in the morning like I do. Now I got to go into the boardroom laughing in loud at the thought of Muffins’ hand-spit maneuver…

  2. I’m french and have no idea what you’re talking about at the beginning.
    you’re just jealous because french girls are hotter than american girls. hehe.

  3. Why do the toughest motherfuckers always get cutesy names? its like straight out of a mob movie or dick tracey.

  4. feel you on the clubs! wait in line in a crowded bar to pay 10 bucks for a shitty bar when i got some nice rum and the crib where i can chill and watch the game? why the fuck would i do that?!

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