So, Apparently, Lawrence Fishburne Never hugged his daughter cause she’s opted to make a career as a porn star. Not even on some “oops, I leaked a sex tape!” kinda shit…but a real deal “lights camera action…splash” porn star. Now, reading the “things that are wrong with the world” title, you might think i’m referring to her decision to embark on her glorious on screen fucking career. Not so! That is not at all what I’m referring to. On a purely selfish level, it’s kinda cool. She’s cute and I have no issue on watching her make love on screen in the near future (real talk right there). No, my target in this is poor fathering. Now, I have no idea what her relationship with her dad is or what kind of history they have, but judging from her actions, I’m gonna guess they’re not exactly great. Whatever Larry did, he dropped the ball. Bottom line, if your daughter is doing porn, you have dropped the ball monumentally. Luckily for those of us who do , on occasion, enjoy a little adult entertainment, it would appear that many many many dads have dropped the ball. If fathers did their job, there would be like 7 porn stars on the planet.
So yeah, good job Larry, your daughters is awaiting her facial…from this fucking retard:
Artibella By Ken Boothe
I thought I might have posted this song already but the search is telling me I haven’t. So, That’s good cause this song is my shit. One of my favorite Ken Boothe songs for sure. Reggae fridays yo!
Here it is. The Last volume in my series of lost and forgotten beats.
If you’ve missed any, go here
Anyway, it’s been fun and I hope you either enjoyed some of these, got a good laugh at some of them or even just got to appreciate a little look inside of the creative process and artistic growth.
Here ya go. Enjoy:
Don’t play By J-Live
I can’t front, I was never that big a fan of J-live. I mean, I see the dude was talented and everything I just didn’t get into any of his albums. He always seemed like a guy with a dope voice and good flow who never really said anything that interesting. Like Black Thought lite or something. However, I’m also not about to say he never made some good songs. This one is an example of a feel good rap song executed very well. This shit is perfect for just walking around in the summer too. Sure, that may not be the praise your average MC want’s to hear of his song but , for some reason, I feel Like J-live wouldn’t take offense to it. He always seemed like a pretty good guy.
I’m a pig.Try as I may to eat well (I don’t really try that hard) I still find myself stuffing my shameful face on regular basis. But , it’s not totally my fault. Here in NYC there are boatloads of good places to eat. Not only that, but they’re mostly in walking distance from my house. I figure some of you might be from the city or coming to visiting the city in the near future and wouldn’t mind a little heads up of some places I like to gorge at. Many of these spots are fairly known and most of them will have long lines but there’s a reason for that. As much good food as there is in NYC, when something is extra good, people find out about it. Here goes:
My #1 BBQ spot (Texas BBQ, none of that asian fusion shit):
Hill country BBQ
30 west 26th st.
My texan homeboy Gameface put me on to this place and it’s been a wrap ever since. Shit is ridiculous. Anyone who has eaten real texas BBQ knows the drill. You pay by the weight and get all your food served to you on wax paper. They also have a really good “sides” station where you can stuff you piggy fat face with all sorts of good shit. This place is not a hot wing joint. Nor is it a fried chicken spot. If you want some moist brisket that will make you shit your pants from sheer joy, this is your place.
What I get: Moist brisket without blinking. Pork ribs. Green bean souffle.
My #1 downlow Pizza spot (By the slice):
123 Macdougal St.
Most people will tell you Joe’s Pizza is the dopest place to get a slice in the village. Sure, Joe’s is definitely great (although it’s always full of dickheads and the price seems to be higher every time I go). But what if you’re one of those people who like toppings on their slice? Or a good Chicken parm sub? Well, then just take a walk around the corner to Ben’s pizza. It’s the sleeper spot in terms of quality , good old fashioned, new york pizza slices.
What I get: Chicken parm slice or these massive sicilians with fresh mozzarella and special tomato sauce.
The Sushi sleeper:
267 W 17th st
NY is full of dope sushi spots and it’s safe to say that no two people share the same favorites. This one is kinda special to me cause it’s literally a hole in the wall. It’s inside a building on 17th street and it’s only opened from like 11-7. It’s just this one old japanese dude and whatever little helper he has on that given day. It’s quick and delicious. Also, you get a free miso or drink (soda or water) with EVERY roll you purchase. I think the thing I like about it most is that they get creative with the rolls. The do a few typical things but the majority of what they offer (all the rolls are pre-made but totally fresh) is some shit you’ve most likely never seen before.
What I get: This salmon roll with a creamy sauce drizzled on top and a tuna salad roll with spicy sauce on top.
823 Greenwich St.
This place has been open since 19-fuckin’-27. I’ve been going there since I was a kid and it’s maintained it goodness over the years. I don’t even know if it’s a particularly respected spanish restaurant. All i know is it’s old , feels homey and has retardedly good paella. I don’t think I’ve ever left there not feeling way too full. Depending who you are, this could be a negative or a positive.
What I get: Paella. Duh. All the varieties are good. I tend to lean more towards the sea food though. Also, the Tapas are dope too.
The best filthy chinese food ever:
Great NY Noodletown
Sure, Noodletown gets shut down by the board of health on a yearly basis. Sure, the decor is like that of an OTB that serves food. Sure, they have communal tables and you might end up enjoying your meal with a strange chinese family who secretly hate you for being there. No restaurant is perfect. But outside of that shit, Noodletown is THAT spot. It’s open late too so if you’re drunk and feel like kicking tomorrows hangover into overdrive, it’s a great spot to hit. Just be warned, stick with the good shit. This is not the spot to order beef and broccoli or Moo goo gai pan. Noodletown specializes in a few things and that’s what you should be getting. These things are: Wanton noodle soup, Salt baked fish, sliced pork/chicken , and veggies drowned in ginger scallion sauce. Follow those guidelines and you will never go to another spot in china town again. Stray from those guidelines and you might get a plate of something that looks like cat vomit.
What I get: Wanton noodle soup, Salt baked combo, Sea bass with flowering chives and chinese vegetables. Also, always ask for a side dish of the ginger scallion sauce. It tastes great on everything.
Great desserts that don’t suck like the Magnolia bakery:
Momofuku milk bar
207 2nd ave (but really on 13th street around the corner)
This is the little dessert shop connected to Momofuku. While Momofuku is pretty awesome itself, it’s also over priced and they make you wait for your food forever and , well, I’m simply not that patient. The milk bar is great for being the fat sack of shit that I know you want to be. Inventive Ice cream flavors, Insanely buttery cookies , stuffed with things you wouldn’t even think about putting in cookies. And cakes….lots of cakes. They even sell their famous pork buns for those of us who don’t feel like waiting in the main restaurant.
What I get: Compost cookies, cereal milk flavored ice cream w. fudge and/or pork buns
The only fast service burrito spot in the city worth eating at:
137 4th ave
It’s no secret that NYC has a serious issue when it comes to burritos. For some reason, we’re seemingly immune to any place opening up that can even match up to Chipotle. Well, that is until now. Dos toros is the shit. It was bought here by a dude (dudes?) from San Diego and these taco’s and burritos shit all over anything else like it in manhattan. They even have super polite (and even somewhat attractive) people working there , which if kinda rare for any spot like it.
While this place is my only go to burrito spot in the city, I’d be an asshole to overlook Castro’s (511 myrtle ave) in Brooklyn. If you’re out in the Clinton-Washington Area, don’t skip over that place. It looks like a dump but they knock it out the park on the burrito tip.
What I get: The pork burrito is the jump off but they’re all pretty much great.
The best secluded middle eastern spot:
104 west 13th street
Salam is an ill place. I actually only went there for the first time this year. I had never really noticed it even though it’s like 2 blocks from my house. Apparently, it’s been open for 25 years. That kinda shocked me. Especially considering I’ve never seen more than 5 people in there at once. But this is kinda the beauty of the place. The food is great middle eastern food that isn’t typical of what other restaurants serve. But the fact that it’s always empty tends to lead to great service and the ,ever so rare , quiet meal. I’d say it’s a good date spot as long as you’re not with some uppity cunt who only wants to go to expensive restaurants to be seen.
What I get: Anything with lamb. The Philo -based appetizers are all dope as well.
Who doesn’t like chicken?
204 W 14th st.
This spot is right on my block and it great in it’s simplicity. All they sell is chicken and a couple quality sides. Fried. Roasted. whatever. It’s all good. Don’t sleep on the sauces either. The “hot” sauce is not even so much a hot sauce as it is what they put on buffalo wings. They also have a hot vinegar that pretty much works on anything.
What I get: The fried chicken wrap with buttermilk sauce and a side of kale or Mac and cheese.
The only place I travel to brooklyn for:
524 Court st, BK
This is my only real deal Brooklyn recommendation . I won’t lie, I would never know about this spot had my oldest friend , Doug Crowell (known him since i was 2 years old) , not opened it up. Luckily for me, it’s completely awesome. It’s somewhere between comfort food and high end dining. Sure, you might get the Friend chicken and waffles…but what about the duck meatloaf? Knowing Doug, this place is a labor of love. He loves good food and he doesn’t really fuck around when it comes to the indulgent side of eating. If you’re a vegan, you might wanna skip this place.
What I get: Duck meatloaf or warm lamb salad but I pretty much try something new every time I go.
Best sandwiches in the city:
105 Sullivan st.
This little sandwich shop in SoHo is actually partially the basis of the “Soup nazi” from Seinfeld. Kinda….basically, the original owner was this pissy italian guy who would scream on you if you took to long to order or asked a stupid question. He has since died and handed it down to his daughter and her husband. Luckily for us, her husband, who makes all the sandwiches, is the nicest guy ever. The daughter? Not so much. In fact, she’s a raging bitch but whatever, there are hands down the best sandwiches you will eat in NYC. Classic italian meats and cheeses on an assortment of amazing breads. Sounds simple and boring but, seriously, I can’t stress how fucking great they are. Like a lot of the places I’ve listed here, the one huge downside of this place is the lines. It’s only open for like 5 hours a day so it’s pretty much jam packed the whole time. If you can live with that, you won’t be let down.
What I get: A “Matthew” On Focaccia or Tramezzino bread. It’s pretty much thinly sliced, prosciutto, fresh mozzarella, basil and a special dressing.
There are tons more of great places but those are some that I continue to go back to, to stuff my shameful , fat face. No guilt yo!
Pushin’ Respect By JJ, CeCe and Galit
Calling this “song of the day” is definitely a stretch. This song is admittedly a complete train wreck. I look at it as “found art”. For a little backstory, A bunch of close friends of mine went to Hampshire college. Hampshire is a small hippie school in Mass. that lets kids major in pretty much whatever they want. I would occasionally visit and it was always fun and unlike any other college I had seen. During what was the senior year of most of my friends there, Hampshire college put together a little compilation cd of music made by students. As you can imagine, it was comically terrible and all sorts of LOLZ were born from it. This song is by three people I’ve never met but it’s been a consistent source of unintentional funny over the years. It really epitomizes “Annoying politically correct liberal arts college student” like nothing else I’ve ever heard. I hope just a few of you can truly appreciate the disaster this song is.
This clip is kinda played by now but if you haven’t seen it, you’re kind of an asshole. Because I’m a forgiving man, I’mma post it for all you non-internet savvy types…
” I AM DOWWWWWNNN!”