I was recently watching this show on VH1 called “Undateable”. From what I gathered , it’s based on a book of the same title and is all about the many many MANY different thing men do, wear or say that renders them “undateable”.
From the brief part I watched this ranged from bad tattoo’s to being too close to your mom. Fair enough. There are no doubt we, as men, find all sorts of ways to make ourselves wildly less attractive to women. But I did find it funny that that the show was so one sided. What about women? I think , in a way, there is a assumption that men are the less picky of the two sexes. This is only half true. When it comes to actually just fucking, yes, by far, we are much less picky than women. Men routinely fuck women they hate just because they can. But on a deeper level, where relationships come into play , I’d say men are actually pickier than women are. For example, how often does a girl you know get excited about some new guy and dive head first into an attempted relationship without even stopping and asking a few questions? I see it all the time. Some might call it “throwing caution to the wind” but I’d prefer to call it being “lonely and insecure”. To fair, I’d say it’s a mixture of both. The amount of girls I know who have just “Settled” with some complete dickbag cause they think it’s time or they’re getting on in age is depressing.
Men , on the other hand, are often dragged into a relationship kicking and screaming. Our instinct is to not even go there but , in many cases, we eventually get beaten down enough to just submit. Now, I’m not saying this is indicative of all men. I’ve been on both ends. I dated a girl for 3 years who I wouldn’t even call my girlfriend for the first half of it cause I was so set on that not happening, even though by all standards, she was definitely my girlfriend. Admittedly, I was a total asshole but whatever, it’s how I felt. I’ve also been on the good side of things where you both go into it with an even head and at your own will. Obviously, It’s not black and white.
But back to this “undateable” crap. I think, in all fairness, men should have a go at this and maybe let the ladies know what we find undateable. Now, I can’t speak for every man but allow me to rattle off a few examples of what makes a girl “undateable”. Guys, feel free to add on your personal ones in the comments…I think the girls need to hear this shit.

What makes a girl undateable:

Not having your shit together
Unlike women, men have no interest in fixing up their partner. While many great girls throw their lives away trying to turn what ever lame scum bag they’re fucking into prince charming, men want all that shit taken care of. We want to move into an already nicely furnished apartment. This means if you are a drug addict or a depressed mess who sits around the house all day, you’re a wrap. Sure, you might have hit it off at the bar and the drunken sex was fun but trust that once that passes (and it will, quickly) your bum -assedness will shine through and the guy will never return your texts again while sober.
Nothing sucks more than dating a girl who is always miserable and upset about things that EVERYONE deals with. While girls may nurture (and enable) this kind of behavior when men do it, men simply do not have the patience for this kind of bullshit. So, cheer up and get you mind right. There’ s a reason being “Captain save-a-hoe” is frowned upon.

Shitty breath/hygiene

I know this one seems obvious but you’d be surprised how many dumpster mouthed bitches there are out there. It’s particularly crazy to me cause you would think girls would be on point with that kinda stuff seeing as they are usually so aware of themselves. I realize some people have deeper issues that a piece of gum won’t solve but the majority of it is just girls really not giving a shit. I always know when I have shitty breath. I might not have a mint to fix it at that moment but best believe I’m seeking one out and fully aware of my situation. A girl having shitty breath (consistently) says a lot about her lifestyle. It says she’s just kind of a mess. If she can’t even tackle that small issue, lord knows what kind of whirling dervish her life is (not to mention, how neglected her vagina must be).
I’ve known many dudes who were seeing girls they kinda liked but the breath was the deal breaker. Bottom line, if you don’t wanna kiss that girl, you definitely do not wanna date her.

Being needy or dramatic for no reason.

Listen, i understand, daddy wasn’t around. Mommy didn’t hug you enough. Life is hard. I get it. But there is nothing less attractive to me than a needy girl. I could be balls deep in Mila Kunis and if she started whining about some bullshit and acting like the world is ending , it would be a wrap. My dick would repel into my body with the force of a black hole. It’s hard for me to really say whats worse: drama queens or needy girls. The drama queens are terrible cause you’re constantly dealing with them and their fucking issues. Issues that , to any sane person, would not be an issue. Issues that lead to petty beefs amongst their friends that you have to then hear about non-stop. The needy girls, though, are draining. They ask for so much of you but rarely give anything back in return. You’re pretty much a walking tub of rocky road ice cream and a shitty rom-com on DVD, there to fill their void. It’s one thing if actual drama or bad things are popping off. But , in the case of most girls like these types, nothing that bad is ever popping off. Just typical life shit that we all have to deal with.

If you don’t get along with my friends.

Girls should follow this one as well. You know when a girl is dating a guy and all her friends don’t like him? I’d say 9/10 times most girls will roll their eyes at their friends cries and just date the dude anyway which then leads to that girl going into a hole for a while until she realizes “oh shit, my friends were right, he’s a total asshole”. Well, This almost never happens with guys (the friends telling you they don’t like your girl part, not the going into a hole part). We may not always like each others girlfriends but we don’t attack our friends about it unless it’s a serious issue. The thing is, we really want our gf’s to get along with our friends. Not only cause that’s how it should be but because it enables us to see our friends more. She likes them. She trusts them. They can hang out and everything is great. I’ve never really dated a girl who didn’t get along with my core group of friends. So I really don’t know what would happen if that was the case. I’ve seen it from the outside where a friends GF simply does not get along with her man’s friends and it sucks. It cause rift that the boyfriend doesn’t even want to create but he has to stay somewhat loyal to his girl. Whatever happens, it’s unwanted drama and usually bullshit.

Certain physical traits
This one is kinda rough. Every guy has his likes and dislikes about how girls look. Some guys love a girl with mad tattoo’s and another might be revolted by that. But how a girl basically looks is a huge part. I feel like girl are able to overlook many of men’s physical faults. Girls can be won over by a charming or intelligent men even if he is fat and bald. And god bless them for that. But men, not so much. The sad truth is that most men know how far they’re willing to take a “relationship” with a girl within a few minutes of meeting her strictly based on looks. We know if you’re a “have sex with you a few times and that’s it” kinda girl all the way to if (a ton of other things fall into place) “you’re a prospect for something much deeper” type of girl and all things in between. I’d list actual physical traits that are deal breakers but the truth is all men are different and have certain things that may or may not be an issue. Like some dudes can’t fuck with a girl with wack feet or a huge nose. Other guys could car less about those things but can’t deal with a girl with thick calves. You never know…But , rest assured, we’re being judgmental pricks.

That’s all for now…I mean, I could probably go on for days but I’m guessing you get the picture. Feel free to add on…

14 thoughts on “Undateable

  1. nice blog silky, hate hate hate hate!

    thats not true at all about women being able to over look physical traits because of a sparkling personality, we are just as superficial.

    i dated a guy who was smart, funny, not bad looking in the face BUT he had man boobs (national geographic banana style) with large nipples (summer sausage size if not bigger). it wasnt that he was over weight or didnt take care of himself its just that genetics screwed him in the chest department. in fact i didnt even know it was an issue until the first time we got naked together and i thought his boob was mine.

    i did make the mistake of telling my friend who promptly pulled the guys shirt up the next time he saw him just because he couldnt believe how big his man titties/nipples actually were. dude covered his nipples like a girl. long story short i couldnt hang no matter how much i liked him.

    • Eh, that would make you the exception to the rule. I know WAAAAAY too many girl who date busted dudes who “grew on them” cause of good personalities to really buy that. I’m not doubting girls are horribly superficial but you guys, in general, will compromise looks in the long run if you genuinely like the dude. at least older girls.

      • I agree on the general compromise thing, but yet I agree with her as well. I have odd deal-breakers. Certain guys I thought I was SOOOO into were able to repulse me 100% by having holes in their socks… then the guy I dated for three years had holes in his socks and I didn’t give a shit.

  2. I’d add a couple things:

    Indecisiveness- Girl: “Let’s do something” Guy: “OK. What do you want to do?”. Girl: “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” Guy: “I don’t care” (in all actuality, he just wants to get whatever it is they’ll be doing over so they can come back home and fuck) Girl: “Well you have to think of something. Doesn’t matter what. I’m up for anything”. Guy “I really don’t care. How bout a movie?”. Girl: “I’m not in the mood for a movie”…etc. etc. etc..Guy comes up with 30 more suggestions and they are all shot down. Guy: GOD DAMNIT JUST TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANT TO DO! I had a girlfriend like that and I couldn’t deal with it. I had to break up with her because of that and the whole her vagina smelled worse than my asshole thing.

    Control Freaks- The ones who think they can change you to meet her specifications of what the ideal guy is. Unfortunately it’s often hard to spot them until you’re already involved in a relationship.

    Oh and girls who are immature really suck too, at least for relationship purposes. I guess you could categorize immaturity and controlling as dramatic if you wanted to generalize like you do.

    Nice use of the word bum-assedness by the way.

    • You make a good point about the indecisiveness. While I don’t exactly consider that a deal breaker a common misconception about those “what do you wanna do?” talks is that the guy gives a shit. We rarely do. All we care about is what we DON’T want to do. The indifference of a wifed up man is underrated by women. It’s never personal or at all negative, it’s just we seriously don’t care THAT much about what we do on any particular night as long as it’s not something we hate doing.

  3. Haha, block you’re the man. Been a loyal reader for prolly 6 months? Lovin the issues you bring up. First off I just gotta call it out, I can tell you and your girl were on the couch, watchin the VH1 show and she was CLOWNIN’, but you had the remote and so you couldn’t have that kinda shit, and it made you frustrated and realize hey lemme get my ideas out and see what peeps think the classic, “I’ll show her.” Ne ways..

    Fakeness. A chic who you can tell is really judgemental and overall just fake towards you is an instant dealbreaker.
    The guy up above me said about the indecisiveness, soooo true.. to go along with that and immature, and dramatic.. is those chics who literally cannot be happy without you’re sole attention, AT ALL TIMES. Like.. say you’re playing some Modern Warfare, and the chic is like leaning against you, then gets up and walks around the room, then is like rolling around in the couch, or whiney, and then you tell them.. “c’mon I’m trying to play” etc, and she then gets all bitchy runs to you’re bedroom and closes the door and stays there. Then you’re like okay sweet I can get a fuckin’ game in, which you do, then you start to think ah shit, is she upset, then you STILL Have to quit to go deal with her/’console’ her every little woe, only to find that she’s laying in there and you walk in and she’s like AWESOME you’re done?! sweet lets do this and that and blah blah. ah hate it, room-mate had a chic like this.

    It’s rare I find a dude like this, there is one I know right now and want to smash him in the face every time I see him, but a definite deal breaker is the type of chic that talks a million miles a minute. She will say something to the affect of “so let’s talk about 2012 theories” or religion, or some highly debated shit, which is cool, but then she talks for like 30 min and says every single word she can before letting you get in at all. Then by the time you can talk you don’t even wanna share, and/or when you say ne thing she’s like oh ya I said that, for sure blah..

    Which brings me to.. the chics who will straight up copy everything you do, they get lost in you and cant find who they are without you to guide them. They end up doing every single thing you do to where you don’t even wanna do it, just draining your energy etc… ahh thats bout it for right now coming to mind.

    • good list. The attention starved girls are particularly terrible.

      PS: you’re way off about the first paragraph though. I dunno if my girl has even seen “undateable”. To be honest, she doesn’t even read my blog!

      • haha the chick u described rolling around the couch whining sounds like my ex boyfriend when i play MW men do it too belive it or not! are u xbox or ps dude? x

      • Double wrong-o, BLOCKHEAD, I own the book “Undateable.” (I know you’re sitting at your laptop and you just went, “neeeeuuuuuuurd.”) You would know this if you ever paid attention to the surroundings while you’re at my house rather than just sitting around and sulking that we’re not at yours. I will be reading it on the beach this weekend while I’m having an oyster and cupcake buffet, all while crying into the lap and tits of a fake lesbian about my (alleged) “feelings.”

        Oh and I read your silly little blog, it turns out.

        Truly yours,
        Geoffrey Rush

  4. I have to say that thing about women being able to fall for a fat, bald, yet charming man is a myth.

    There are exceptions, but most women do care about appearance…..physical attraction is not superficial, it’s natural and it is good.
    In fact, I wish that more straight men would look after themselves better. Lose the straight-man gut….no excuses, I know you can!

    Would you guys be happy if your girl let herself go? It’s the same thing.

    • I don’t doubt that most women do care about appearance but you’re kidding yourself if you you don’t see a stark contrast between who men and women are willing to date (not fuck). I see horrible looking dudes with hot girls every day, holding hands…multiple times. I pretty much never see totally fat busted girls with handsome dudes…and if I do, best believe he’s only just fucking her and not seriously dating her.
      if anything, this is all a testament to women being much less superficial than men. so, I don’t really see that as a bad quality. It’s admirable.

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