The Lonely hearts club: Facebook edition


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The topic of Facebook and it’s many unintentional guffaws is nothing new. Lamebook has made an art of it and it’s rare to find a blog that hasn’t thrown their hat in to the commentary at some point. This blog is no exception as I’ve certainly taken my shots at the beloved website.
Well, allow me to speak on something I’ve noticed lately on the good old Facebook. I’m sure it’s been happening since the Friendster days but , for some reason, it’s been jumping out at me more and more lately.
This trend involves 30+ year old woman who are painfully single*. I’m talking no options beyond a few decade old booty calls. Gone are the years of their last long-term relationship and the free for all days of casual sex with no consequences. These ladies are now resigned to posting endless Facebook updates that read like white flags. Posts like

“My bed is so warm…to bad it’s just me in here”
or
“Boys Beware! It’s ladies night”

Both those are equally skin crawling considering the people saying them are about 6 years away from infertility. Seriously. These are adult women writing thing that should be questioned when written by an 18 year old child abuse survivor.

A great example of this is a girl I went to high school with. When I entered my high school, the 9th grade class had a serious lack of good-looking girls. There were maybe 4 cute girls and that’s being gauged on a “chronic masturbating 14-year-old boy” curve. This girl, however, was far and away the hottest girl. She was cute, but more importantly, she had body. Seniors spotted her quickly and it was established early on in the year that no freshman dude was even talking to her. So, that was that. She went to school with me for 3 years and I never said a word to her. LITERALLY , NOT A WORD. She was the epitome of too cool for school yet, obviously, every dude wanted to hit that. Well, 15+ years later, I get a friend request from her on Facebook. Keep in mind, a lot of time has passed. This former #1 draft pick hasn’t aged badly. She looks good. But, also, since that time, it’s a safe bet that my taste in women has become more refined. While she’s still attractive, she really isn’t shit on the larger scale. Regardless, out of curiosity, I accept her friendship. We have no interaction beyond that, and that’s totally fine with me. I really just wanted to see how she looked as an older person and keep it moving.
At first glance, her profile is a mess. It’s pretty clear that she has never been on anything like facebook/myspace and has joined due to pressuring of friends or desperate times. As the week passes, I notice her finding her groove with the status updates. Two weeks in, everything starts to become clear. This is a lonely girl who may have missed the boat. Every update is about single lady pride and cruising for boys. It’s like being at a Sex in the city script run through but on Facebook and it’s just beyond desperate. A few months have passed and she’s slowed down with the updates, but rest assured, when they do come, they’re of that same ilk.

The thing is , times have obviously changed and , thankfully, woman are no longer expected to be married with kids by the time they’re 28. This is a good thing. But with the times changing and the importance of media, things that are aimed at the youth have also been picked up by older people. I’d say facebook is one of those things. But, with Facebook, it’s really HOW you use it that speaks in volumes. For teenagers and college kids, it’s a perfect forum for soap box opinions or public moments of insecure self-realization. For people who are more on the full-grown adult side of things, it might be a good idea to move away from that kind of shit. Keep in mind, this is coming to you from a grown up child himself so, take it with a grain of salt. Also, to be fair, there is a male version of this but the main difference is the male prototype is simply just in it for the ass. Sure, they may be both pathetic in different ways, but a man in the lonely hearts club of facebook has goals that are quite shallow when compared to the ladies.
I think what it comes down to is have a speck of self-respect. I get the appeal of lightly whoring yourself out on Facebook. Positive feedback is nice. Especially when you’re feeling old and unwanted. There’s certainly no shortage of men willing to “like” anything a remotely attractive single girl posts or write flirtatious comments on the most benign of status updates. We all wanna fuck , right? And just cause you’re 35 and single doesn’t mean you don’t deserve a good shot in the pants. My advice would be to perhaps act more your age and just try meeting dudes at a bar. You know, real human contact. The irony is, men can usually sniff out desperation either way. but luckily for you ladies, we really don’t give a shit.

*not to be confused with happily single 30+ year old women. I know tons of girls like this and, contrary to what facebook may represent, they actually do carry themselves very well and still manage to get laid whenever they want. Cheers to you hoes!

8 thoughts on “The Lonely hearts club: Facebook edition

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