A Special Halloween Song for you

I did a show in denver last night and , in preparation, I decided to throw a little Halloween style pizazz up in that bitch. So, I put together a little Halloween mash up. Due to my computer freezing up last night, I didn’t even get through it (still a fun show though). I figure when , aside from next halloween, will I ever really find a reason to try this again so I might as well just let you guys have it. I did a quick sequencing of it and recorded it. Admittedly, it’s not the best recording but, hey, that’s life. Also, this shit is mad silly and was made for a party atmosphere. Regardless, of all that, I think it’s pretty funny and maybe a few of you will enjoy it.

Also, the pic above is of two dudes who came to my show dressed as “Blockheads”. Fucking awesome.

Turn up the fuckin’ bass! Stretch & bob get funny.

Poster Fatboybrandon on the T.R.O.Y. boards over at my second home Philaflava.com recently uploaded something truly magical. Anyone who has every been a fan of the legendary Stretch Armstrong and Bobbito show is probably aware that some of the best parts of the show happened when they weren’t playing music.
Instead of explaining, here’s what Fatboybrandon wrote:

Alright y’all, here’s 7 1/2 hours of insanity from the Krunchtime segments of the Stretch Armstrong & Bobbito and CMFamlam shows. This is alot of shit you might have missed in the late, late hours of the show while laying in your room half asleep trying to stay listening to the whole show: Stretch, Bobbito & Sear dissing each other High-School lunchroom style, talking dirty to females, heating callers from around NYC, the eardrum shattering sounds of “Turn Up The Bass” and more.

I was fortunate to catch some hilarious moments in between the music, back when Stretch, Bob, Sear and their associates were at their height of perverted comedy. I guess this is something you can listen and bug-out to on the weekend and remember the hilarious range of discussion the show had to offer, I hope you enjoy:

7 Fucking hours! That’s a lot but, trust me, I’ve been listening to this over the last few days and it’s hilarious. Lord Sear deserves a grammy or something.

Download HERE!

Here’s the trackisting:

What’s the verdict? Ghost Adventures

Recently, I was on JetBlue flight enjoying 30 plus channels of pure television goodness. However, it was sunday, and all that was on was football. I’m not a big football fan so I found myself watch a marathon of the TV show “Ghost Adventures”. This is a show on the Travel channel in which three guys go to different “known” haunted places and try to get footage of all sorts of crazy paranormal shit. Every show, they lock themselves in a dark , scary place and literally yell at ghosts. Of the three guys, the leader and host is this buff meathead named Zak. Zak, dipped in his tight T-shirts with dragons on them and baggy jeans circa 1997, travels from room to room in these notorious places, trying to raise the dead. He sets up infrared cameras, has super-duper recording devices that are able to capture ghost sounds and he even has some sort of meter that reads the temperature as well as the electromagnetic fields (or whatever it is).
For some prime examples , here ya go:

Now, I’m a fairly skeptical person in general. There was really no point , during my viewing of this show, that I was really buying what they were selling. They make a compelling argument but , the thing is, everything they do can so easily be disproven, it’s pretty much a waste of time bothering. But, because the internet is a known time waster, allow me to go for it.
Here are the things that happen on the show and how I think they are bullshit:
1)Disembodied voices/ghosts talking
This is the funniest one to me cause they REALLY try to sell this shit. The voices are never clear, They’re always fragmented and their attempts at translating the words the catch on their recorder into shit that might have meaning is laughable. Obviously, I would dispel this one as post production. You pretty much never hear these voices during the filming. It’s almost always “caught on their super voice recorder” and , even then, it’s still a long shot. At best, this is some deep ouija board shit. However, if any of this were actually true, it proves a few things about ghosts: They’re all english as second language speakers and they have trouble expressing themselves. If ghosts can communicate, who do they have to be so curt about it. Dropping arbitrary one word answers all over the place. thye’re ghosts, not 2 year olds with learning disabilities. They’ll ask shit like “Why are you here?” and the ghosts will respond “Glargullll” , which they then translate to the ghost actually saying “Farm work” cause, after all, the ghost died in the fields blah blah blah.
But really, the explanation isn’t even worth it as I’m sure whatever sounds they’re hearing are either wind or sounds manufactured by people involved in the show

2)Things moving
I noticed that everything that moves in this show is either off camera or caught on one of their still camera’s when they’re not in the room. To me, that’s pretty clearly just some tricks they’re pulling. Not to mention, weird shit sometimes happens. I’ve certainly heard things fall for no reason but that doesn’t mean that a ghost is being a prick. It just means some shit fell that you didn’t realize would fall.

They freak out all time over thumps in the night. Most of the places they go to are old ass houses or places that no ones lived for decades. Old houses make noises. Loud noises. They’re fucking old. I used to go to my grandfather’s house when I was very young and ,during the nights, that shit sounded like a factory at work. Not to mention, perhaps there are other living things in these abandoned areas. Rats could make some noise. Really, any animal bigger than a large roach could cause some sort of noise to happen. But, again, I think it’s just some dickhead in the other room throwing marbles at the wall.

4)Sudden temperature changes/energy being pulled from the ghost adventurers
I pretty much just chalk this one up to the dudes acting or being hypochondriacs. They’re constantly speaking of bad vibes.
Like “this room man…really bad vibes. I can feel a presence”.
Hey, you know what has bad vibes? A pitch dark scary ass room. That doesn’t make it haunted. Man, you put me alone in any forest on the planet during nighttime , trust that ,by sun up, I will shit in my pants so much i’ll be on a dung heap tall enough to see over the trees. Pitch dark, strange places are scary. Obviously. But I suppose that kinda what this show banks on. The typical fears of everyone. I don’t care who you are, I put your in an abandoned mental hospital at night and turn out the lights, you will be shook. Unless you’re Zak. In which case, he’s more concerned than scared.

5)Actual attacks by ghosts on people.
I only saw one of these. They were popping off at these particularly bad ghosts and Zak all of a sudden felt a burning on his back. They listed his shirt up to reveal three scratches on his back (BTW, three marks is the sign of the devil or some such bullshit) . Of course, no ghost would ever wanna harm his face, so he went for the under the shirt scratch. Why would he not? He’s a violent ghost but he’s not a coward who attacks a mans face. This one reminded me of some David Blaine shit , when he would burn a cigarette on his arm to reveal some words that meant something of importance to the person he was doing the trick to. Only, that Blaine shit seemed way more believable and far less explainable.

6)Unexplained lights shooting from all places
Every now and then, they will show a random light shoot across the room. Keep in mind , while they are working with night vision cameras, they also have all sorts of electronics in the room at all times. Perhaps a dust particle cause light ray. Who knows? But these passing light often attributed to spirit moving, are the weakest of the weak, in terms of hard evidence. Shit looks like some asshole moving a flashlight…which it probably is.

7)Unidentified figures
The creepiest thing they show is the rare lurking shadowy figure. You never see a face or any features, but it’s definitely something moving in the distance. I can only say this is just the production crew doing it. Never do these figures look anything but human and they’re never caught in a way that could prove or disprove anything. as far as I’m concerned, they’re P.A.’s getting Zak his late night Redbull.

Now, If I’m wrong and any of this is real, it sheds a lot of light on ghosts. Apart from the already mentioned poor communication skills and weak word pronunciation, apparently, ghosts never go anywhere. Where ever you die, that’s where you remain. This is kinda hard to swallow for me cause, if that was the case, wouldn’t every hospital on the planet be overrun by ghosts and they’re lame passive aggressive behavior? Tons of people die in hospitals…from old people to new-born babies. All just chilling and floating about , knocking scalpels off tables when no one is looking and knocking on walls every now and then. Oh , those pesky dead cock suckers!!!
My biggest beef with this shit is that , in order to really believe in ghosts, there is a certain amount of other things that have to be believed to really make sense of any of it. To me, it always comes back to religion and god. If ghosts exist, then, through the domino effect, you will eventually find your way back to a higher being , in the sky controlling everything…and i’m just not buying that shit.
If the two are not related that, man, what a fucking bummer. Imagine , just dying and for eternity, you just kinda float around your immediate area and annoy people. There is no heaven. No hell. Just the same old shit as before but with less power , no attention from anyone and nothing but time. That would be awful.

So, as you can guess, I rule “Ghost Adventurers” to be pure, unadulterated bullshit.
However, make no mistake about it, the alien attack is coming and may buddha have mercy on our souls. 4 REALZ YALL!

Song of the day 10/26/10

Let\'s go everywhere By Medeski , Martin and Wood

I heard this song on last weeks episode of Eastbound & Down and lost my shit. It’s somewhat of a “cover” of a Johnny Cash (Not 100% on that being his song, but it’s how I know it) song but , at the same time, very different.
Thanks to Drizzle from SteadyBloggin.com for locating this song for me. I woulda never foud it otherwise as I am lazy.

So much good in this

This is making it around the internet like crazy but I figured i’d throw it up here for those of you who haven’t seen it yet.
There is just so much good in this video right here.
1)The dudes name is “Young Humma”. Major PAUSE right there.
2)He looks like a Stallionaire . All my shitty VH1 watching heads know what I’m talking about. If not, google “Real and chance” and you will see.
3)This is one of those awesome “is this serious or not?” kinda videos. While I do think he’s not kidding, there is an air of this being the straight man’s version of “what what in the butt“. But really, for all we know, this dude just may be the funniest person alive.
4)The youtube comments on this are pretty golden. I mean , they always are good but these are all over the place.
5) If the term “smang” becomes popular because of this, I will be delighted. What the world always needs is another way to say “fuck. The cool thing about “smang” is that it’s exact. If A dude tells a girls he will Smang it , she pretty much knows what she’s getting into. Whatever it is , it involves the mashing of genitals.
6) “I’mma have you lookin’ like a wild thornberry” May be the abstract lyrical miracle of all time.
7)The fact this video was filmed in an empty white room coupled with the high chances that shit dude used to be a male stripper is pretty awesome. It all comes together into “The worlds, loneliest and creepiest lapdance” as performed by a construction worker on his lunch break.

As I said, SO SO SO good.


I realize, pretty much every time I return from doing a festival show, I write about it. But I suppose there is a reason for that. This weekend, I took a trip to a festival an hour outside Austin, Texas. Aside from the typical festival disarray that comes with every Hippie/electro event I’ve ever performed at, it was actually pretty nice. Since I don’t have a particular story to tell about it, I figured I just give a power point run down of random thoughts and events that went down.

1)This was the cleanest festival ever.
In general, the festivals I play have a noticeable layer of filth covering them. This is because, well, they’re usually held in the woods in the middle of nowhere and the majority of the attendees are hippies on a shit load of drugs. That combination tends to lead to less than pristine grounds. This show, however, looked like a painting. I don’t know how they did it, as the clientele was certainly no different than other festivals, but I applaud them. It was almost enough to make me wanna get a tent and actually camp out. That is, if I had even the slightest interest in that kinda shit.

2)How to not bond with me
I’m a fairly lax dude in real life and I never really get into it with people. Truth is, I’m just not easily offended and fairly passive. However, there are a few stupid things that get under my skin and will occasionally lead to an awkward conversation with someone I don’t really know. Embarrassingly, many of my personal issues have to do with other people and how they talk about New York City. I realize this is childish and lame but , what can I say, there’s really nothing else I relate to and hold close to my heart like being a native New Yorker. Far beyond my stupid ancestry , my family or my music , I’m a new yorker first. So, when people who aren’t from there speak ill towards it, it immediately pushes my buttons. With that said, I’m also not unrealistic. I realize NYC is not for everyone. It’s certainly got a shitload of faults and I’ll never deny that. But here was a situation that rubbed me the wrong way.
So, anyway, I was talking to this girl in Austin. She was a driver for the event I was playing. She was a friendly, short girl in her mid 20’s who was obviously very involved in all things artsy. She mentioned being from new york and I immediately was curious. She kept referring to herself “being from New York” and how , now that she lives in Austin, it’s a different ball game . Cause, you know, she’s a New Yorker and New Yorkers do New York shit. Listening to her talk, I assumed she meant she grew up there. Looking at her, however, I didn’t really pin her being from there. Not in a bad way. She was perfectly nice. It’s just there aren’t really a lot of native new yorkers out there who are heavy into Burning Man. Even our biggest artsy hipster types don’t play that shit. So, I ask her a few questions and it turns out she’s actually from Pennsylvania and lived in NYC for 7 years prior to moving to Austin a year ago. Well, this is one of those things that drives me insane. People who moved to and lived in NYC claiming they are , in fact, New Yorkers. As we all (should) know, this simply means she lived there , after growing up somewhere completely different and , therefor, will NEVER be an actual New Yorker. nope, she’s just some girl that lived there for a little bit. Sorry. But that is the rules. Now, if I was some dude from another place who had never lived there myself, this would obviously not bother me. But being that I am a native, the shit made my blood boil. Well, my head then almost exploded when she told me she hoped the place burned down to the ground. WHAT????!?!?!?! This is a person who had lived there for 7 fucking years…and apparently hated it. Keep in mind, her complaints about NYC were all valid. It’s way too expensive. Yes, there are roaches and rats. But why would you stay somewhere for 7 years if you hated it due it’s high prices? it’s not like she had a serious job. She’s a starving artist. I realize this all seems super petty but this girl stepped over two lines, shitting on NY and , at the same time, claiming NYC as her home. Get the fuck outta here with that shit.
So, for the record, now you know how to immediately piss me off if you ever meet me. Speak out of your ass about the city I love. Aside from that, good luck for , otherwise, I’m a brick wall of dead emotions.

3)Burning Man
Whenever I do these festivals, the question “What do you mean you’ve never been to Burning Man?!?!?!?!” comes up. This boggles my mind. I understand why they’re asking , as it is the norm for people in the scene to be all about that shit and , to no fault of their own, they really don’t know me. However, if they did really know me , they would know how hilarious the idea of me attending Burning Man is. There are few things lower on my “to do” list than that. It’s a few notches above “Eat a shit omelette” and “Skinny dipping with my family”.In fact, one of the top things on my Bucket list is “Never go to burning man”. So, if you’re one of these Burning Man people ,with all due respect, allow me to clear the air so there’s no need to discuss this any further
1)I don’t camp
2)I don’t do hard drugs
3)I don’t dress like a molested pixie
4)I sweat a lot so a boiling hot desert is not a good look
5)I don’t like any type of music that generally plays there
6)I’m a fan of comfort. I like having internet access and Tv. Phone service. Food with no sand in it. You know, the simple things.

and to the people who ask me why I don’t play there, well, they don’t pay you. As far as shows go, I’m way past the “doing it for the love of the game” portion of my career and if I’m gonna put myself through some shit like Burning Man, I’d have to come home with money pouring out of my asshole.
I realize this all sounds harsh but , honestly, it’s just not for me. If you’re into that shit, have fun. It’s just funny that not once, in all the times I’ve been asked why I don’t go, someone has responded “Ah, yeah. i can see how you wouldn’t be into that”. Not once. In fact, my indifference towards it has only been met with jaw dropping shock from whoever asked the question. The thought of someone NOT comprehending how someone might not be into that kinda shit is pretty hilarious to me but, hey, more power to them. It’s just a great example of their dedication to what they hold dear.

4) These fucking names!
I literally met a dude named “Paper” last night. That was his birth name. I asked. Amazing.
It feels like every other person I meet at these things has a name I’ve never heard before. Which leads me to believe that , when naming your child, there’s a good chance that name will define their existence. For instance, if you name your kid something like “Todd”, there is a good chance he will end up wearing a vertically striped shirt and drinking Jager. But if you name your kid “SunDoodle”, you can rest assured that that motherfucker will be tripping on Molly at an electro/hippie jamfest at some point in his/her life.

5)Being the outcast
Without fail , when at these festivals, I’m WAY too normal looking. Jeans, t-shirt sneakers and a hat , might as well be a polo shirt , pleated dockers and boat shoes. I’m looking like it’s a tuesday evening at home and there are people walking around looking like a cross between Braveheart , candy corns and Pharrell on Extasy. And those are the tame ones…It’s strange to be so far removed from something and thrown right into the center of it. I feel like I’m an explorer infiltrating some bugged out rave based inuit culture that’s never been seen by outside eyes. It’s actually pretty interesting and, as the search engine of this blog will tell you, very fascinating to me.

No matter how many of things I go to ,they’re always a trip. And as much as they are all the same, they all manage to be their own machine. This kinda shit makes me feel like a low level sociologist…and I like that.
In the end, I can’t be mad at any of this shit cause I imagine my lifestyle is just as strange to them. The difference being that some of them might actually be open minded enough to see the good of where I’m coming from, while I’m old and pretty much over everything so, that shit isn’t flying over here.

Song of the day 10/21/10

Dog’s gonna getcha By Tim Dog
There is no argument to be made. This is the hardest/funniest song ever made. I don’t care what you think, this is fact. Never has a song bought forth such mixed emotions. Tim Dog screams like a crazed murderer over a driving beat , but at the same time, I’m not 100% sure this song is for real.
whatever the case, bow down to the gawd, Tim Dog.

On a side note, this old friend of mine copied the pose from the picture above for his student ID in high school. To this day I’m still jealous I didn’t think of that first.