A new dance I can get behind

A few years ago, every terrible rapper who knew they were terrible were racking their brains in an attempt to come up with “The new dance craze”. After the WebStar and Soulja boy blew the fuck up by basically making the hokey pokey-hip hop connection , a lot of eyes widened at the thought of all that easy money. All you had to do was make up a dance, follow that with a song describing that dance, and then film a video for it of you and your boys doing the dance. Seems pretty simple , right? Well, not every one of them took off (as is true in most things of this nature, the comic value of the attempted failures far outweighs the worth of the ones that actually did blow up). After ‘Supermanning that ho” became obsolete, people seemingly moved on. Well, MOST people did. Southern rapper Isa kept moving forward. And thank god. Cause this motherfucker made up the most awesome dance ever.

So good. For a few reasons. For one, the reference is not only awesome but surprising , considering how old that movie is and that it’s pretty much a cult hit celebrated amongst people over 30. Regardless, well played Isa.
Another reason I like it is cause it looks like zombies dancing. As zombies are well on their way to being the new vampire (in terms of “Living dead things america is loving right now”), this could really take off.
So, yeah kids, by all means, do it Bernie. Andrew McCarthy just turned over in his grave…oh…I mean his bed. He’s still alive and shit.

Getting your learn on (with cheating)

Let me be honest, I’m not much of a reader. It tends to bore me and my ability to absorb the words in front of me is pretty pathetic. At the same time, I was a terrible student. Not shocking when you consider the two go hand in hand. I knew school was not for me from a young age. When I was in grade school, I went to one of those “progressive” hippie schools where you called the teacher by their first name and every class had about 8-15 kids in it. You would think type of this close knit group learning would lead to every student getting the attention they needed…and it did. The problem with this is that it made it hard for students like myself to really flourish. And by “Flourish” , I mean cheat. Nope, this close attention was actually a thorn in my side. When there are 10 kids in the class all taking a test and a teacher sitting there watching, it’s not easy to subtly take a peak and your neighbors work and copy everything they’re writing down. That shit takes finesse and acting skills. Honestly, the same way grade school teaches you the basic foundations of learning, it also taught me all about short cuts and the art of “getting by”. Walking that line of near failure and mediocracy without ever falling too deeply into the dark side. These lessons are ones I’ve kept with me in life way longer than any historical facts or geometric proofs.
From 5th grade through High school , I squeaked by in all levels of schooling by bullshitting and cheating. Whether it was copying other peoples homework , plagiarizing or simply being a competent enough writer to whip up a 5 page paper about a book I never read and somehow, getting a C on it, I got by.
In fact, looking back, I’m actually kinda proud. There is a real sense of victory in writing a paper on something you’re absolutely clueless about and getting it back to see you got a B. It’s like kicking the system in the balls. With writing, I always found a way. Partially cause I somewhat enjoyed it but also cause I figured out how to word things , for research papers and book reports, in a way that must have appealed JUST enough to the teachers. After all, they were reading through countless boring papers written by kids who would be forgetting every word they had just written the second the ink left their pen. That must be mind numbing. A well worded 5 page piece of bullshit could easily slip through the cracks. Obviously, I didn’t know this then but it must have been the case. The teachers were very likely as bored by these papers as we were. So, with that, I got by. On a side note, there was one thing I used to pull of all the time that, unexplainably , worked time and time again. Simply saying “I don’t get it”. The beauty of this phrase is how open a statement it is. It could mean I didn’t understand the wording to a particular question/assignment Or perhaps I didn’t understand a larger theory that is crucial to getting the work done. Whatever that “thing” I didn’t understand was, it always got me off the hook. Seriously, I can’t believe how well that shit worked.

Tests, however, were a different story. Here’s an admission: I’ve never once, in my life, studied for a test. I’m not even saying this as a “Ohhh, look at me! I’m a scholarly rebel” statement. Nope. I just could never do it. I’d start going over my notes and within minutes my mind would drift elsewhere. After a few more failed attempts , I would eventually give up and , oh, I don’t know, Watch Tv for 4 hours. Now, with my admission of not studying you might be expecting a follow up of “But I still aced my tests blah blah blah”, but this was not the case. No, I failed tests all the time. The ones I didn’t fail, I was somehow able to cheat on. The thing about it was, I never felt bad about my incompetency. Sure, my parents would flip out on me and I’d get punished but the fact of the matter was that I was failing in something I had no interest in succeeding in. It’s not like I tried really hard and then failed. I went out of my way to not try so failing kinda came with the territory.

Through all that, I somehow graduated High school. Sometimes I’ll think back and think of the terrible work I did and I seriously don’t understand how they gave me a diploma. I mean, I didn’t even do any community service and I failed out of Spanish II three times (Do you know how many times I’ve had to watch “El Norte”?)…yet, I have a diploma. Whatever…score one for the system!

However, when I got to college (Um, how the fuck did I get into any college?), the jig was up. Cheating was impossible. My papers had to actually have substance and real “learning” had to take place. But, not surprisingly, you couldn’t teach a stubborn lazy young dog shit. I got epic grades on tests. I don’t mean that in a good way. I mean, like unbelievably terrible. I used to put them on the mini fridge in my dorm room. On one science test (that was multiple choice) I scored an 18%. Seriously…What the fuck? a flipped coin could have done better. But, i was used to failing tests.
The difference with college was the papers. No longer could I plagiarize the Encyclopedia. I actually had to do work. And I did. I wrote papers that I actually researched and , for the first time in my life, put real time and effort in to. Only to get back C-‘s by the truckload. That shit shattered my view on the world. Not only did I apply myself , but it garnered the same outcome as one of my old high school bullshit papers. did this mean real work didn’t matter? Obviously not. I had just come from such low standards of work that a cute turn of words in a research paper wasn’t gonna account for anything now that I was in the big leagues. Suffice to say, I was frustrated. But that word sums up my existence as a student. Frustrated. I rarely cared enough to try and ,the few times I did, the results were the same as when I didn’t.
All this came back to me today cause I read this article:


It’s about a guy who makes a career writing papers for college kids. He writes all kinds of papers for many different levels of college students and gets paid to do so. Upon reading this, part of me
had the obvious “Where was this guy when I was in college?” reaction, but what really popped out at me was how bullshit this makes the process of learning look. I was cheater. I did what I had to do to pass. It got me out of high school but it didn’t fly in college. If this dude is getting kids like me through college, we’re in trouble. A guy like me is not supposed to graduate college. My type doesn’t make it out the filter. For good reason. College is really a “separate the men from the boys” type deal. Sure, some people are just as bad at school as I was and somehow scrape by (at the same time spending hundreds of thousands of dollars for a 6 year stint in a frat house) , but those who aren’t cut out for that level of learning drop out for reason. It simply not in the cards. I understand that things like parental expectations and ,more so , the prospect of being successful and getting a job , loom heavy over most kids but ,the fact of the matter is , school isn’t for everyone. Thus far, I’ve been very lucky. I happened to fall into something that had nothing to do with my level of education. It could have easily gone the other way. I worked behind the counter at a bakery (not even baking, just selling the baked goods) for 5 years before I quit to do music full time. I have no skills that could lead to a career elsewhere. If I hadn’t luckily stumbled into this music career (within a niche genre that’s barely still breathing at this point within an industry that’s dying even faster) who knows what I’d be doing. College drop out don’t have many options. But , to think, I could have cheated my way through college , got that diploma and landed some job I otherwise could never have gotten. All the while, being just as dumb and misinformed as my actual college drop out self…It’s pretty crazy. But it happens. People make careers on “getting by” and “getting over” and most of them do so in a corporate setting.
Whether this is a good or bad thing , I can’t tell. It is what it is, I suppose. Do cheaters never win?
I’d say cheaters do pretty well for themselves. They may not win as big as the honest people and they do , for the most part, eventually get exposed BUT if they keep their profile low enough and they don’t get greedy, cheaters can get by just fine. They may not always win, but they don’t always lose either.

Black friday Youtube bonanza

Damn son, are/were you really out there shopping today? I understand the 5% a flat screen is appealing but the crowds kinda cancel out any money saved. Time is money, right? I’d rather pay a little more and not have to camp outside Target. But , hey, that’s me. I live the life of a hermit in many ways. I pretty much spend all my money on bills and food. Luckily for me, youtube is free. So, here are some of my favorite youtube clips from this week. There’s a good chance you’ve seen some of these by now but it never hurts to put them out there just in case you missed them.

First up , we have Nicolas Cage losing his shit. Some guy edited a barrage of great Cage moments over some tense string music , which makes for an amazing cinematic experience.

A few of those clips were from a movie called “Deadfall”, and they were so good I had to inspect a little further. so without further ado, here’s that movie in 5 seconds:

Next we have Charles Bronson killing hipsters. I don’t think I need to explain this one any more.

Very satisfying.

Finally, here’s a supposed Viral trailer by the new movie that the guy who made District 9 , Neil Blomkamp.

While the prospect of a movie about where MCnuggets come from excites me, it turns out it might not have anything to do with Neil Blomkamp. It’s hard to say.
this article doesn’t exactly clear it up too much but it’s got some info in it:

Whatever the backstory is, that mutant pig looks awesome and if some random guys just did that for fun, I applaud them. Not to mention, how fucking cool would it be to have that disgusting thing just chilling in your house? You could scare the shit out of anyone who ever ventured into your fridge uninvited but just strategically placing that thing in the “meat section”.

Song of the day 11/25/10

Be thankful for what you got By Donovan Carless

Yeah…I did it. I realize there could not be a cornier move than making this my song of the day on thanksgiving but, what can I say? It is. Hell, I wouldn’t be shocked if I had already made this a “song of the day”, but it’s simply TOO PERFECT. It’s not even the original William Devaughn version.
At least I didn’t pick that Alanis Morissette song!
Enjoy your fuckin’ turkey, I’m having pork this year.

SOTH: The Non Rap shit.

Here’s a collection of the first songs I dropped on here for my “Song of the day”. Yesterday was the rap stuff, today is the “other” stuff. Ranging from old soul to weirdo shit , But all good in their own way.
1)I only have love: Syl Johnson
2)Comin’ Home Baby: Mel Torme
3)Black satin amazon fire engine cry baby: Kain (this song is hilarious, you should know that before listening to it)
4)Do it again: Waylon Jennings
5)Tell me why (our love turned cold): Willie Hutch
6)I’m Coming Home: The Peddlers
7)State Trooper: Bruch springsteen
8)The time for us: Joe Pass
9)Dames a dime a dozen: Beat the devil
10)Ordinary guy: Joe Bantaan
11)The crickets sing for ana maria:Marcos Valle
12)Remix MEdley1: Tugboat
13)Ursalina: Bill cosby

SOTD: A look back

For a long time, I was running a “Song of the day” about 6 times a week. Needless to say, I blew my load fairly quickly on that one (foresight is not my strongest trait). However, it dawned on me that the majority of the people here probably missed some of the best shit I’ve posted cause most of those posts are buried deep in the annuls of this blog. Not to mention, I’m not entirely certain any of those links still work. Also, I used to make mixes on here and people always seemed to like those. In an attempt to bridge those two things, I’ve decided to throw all the “Song’s of the day” from this blogs first month into a folder for you to enjoy.
I’mma do it in two parts (Hip hop and “Other”). Today’s installment is the Hip hop.
So, in case you missed them, here’ a bunch of songs I loved on a particular day in January.
Keep in mind, lots of variety here. You might not like them all (in fact, you might be appalled at some of them) but there’s certainly something for everyone here…except Drake fans. Fuck you guys.
Link here:
SOTH Hip Hop
1)Couldn’t C it: Young Bleed
2)Horror Movie Rap: Gangsta Nip
3)Bless Ya Life: KGB
4)Romeo: Superlover Cee and Cassanova Rud
5)All on my nutsac: The Lench Mob
6)Livin’ for the city: Rakim
7)Rough Enough: Freddie Foxxx
8)Soft Shoe Booty: King Sun
9)Pesh Mode: Blair Cosby
10:Can U find (The level of difficulty in this?): Freestyle Fellowship
11)If I only had a brain: Young Zee
12)Def Jam in the motherland: LL Cool J
13)Planet Brooklyn: Freshco

Song of the day 11/19/10

Hoes By Yo-Yo Feat. Threat
One thing I always appreciated about Yo-Yo is that she was down to do those awesome “Man Vs. Woman” songs on pretty much every album. Whether it was with Threat or Ice Cube they always made for entertaining results. Even if she somehow unrealistically came out on top on every song, I can’t be mad.
As a bonus to todays “song of the day”, I’ll throw in Ice Cube’s verse I edited from the song “What Can I do?” Of Yo-Yo’s debut album. Her verses sucked but Cubes shit on this is hilarious.

Things that are wrong with the world Part 14


I don’t even know where to start with this one.

Listen, we all know the “pull out” method is not only 100% safe, but it’s also what any good doctor recommends as the highest tier in birth control methods. This is a scientific fact , much like the earth being flat and that Jesus appears in taco shells to let you know “Sup dude, i’m coming back…sometimes sooooon!.” However, sometimes god plants little miracles regardless of science and people actually get pregnant from this seemingly fool-proof method of contraception. It’s times like this when one might be pushed to say “Don’t cum in me”. Hell, they might even make a song about it. That man is the delightfully original rapper “Young Ray”. (I give him originality props simply for spelling ”Young” Right).
Here, Ray crafts and thrilling tale of the girl who he came in , even though she asked him not to, but still kinda wanted him to. Riveting shit.

Ok, now in all seriousness, how fucking dumb do you have to be to simply not pull out? We’ve all had unprotected sex with some girl who’s not on the pill (right?). It’s the first thing you do (after fucking). Hell, I’ve dated girls who were on the pill who I never came inside simply cause you can enver be to safe. Herpes may be forever but babies cost a lot more. The funny thing is that , considering the pull out method is fairly risky even when you do pull out (pre-cum Yall!), the added smugness of simply not giving a fuck and dropping that load in the girl is like a slap in the face…to her ovaries…with jizz.

I have a friend who was telling me about how he was fucking some girl and just “forgot” to pull out. He also thinks his sperm is rotten so he doesn’t really worry about knocking girls up. But “forgetting”? I don’t care how hot and intense the sex is, the whole “I’m gonna bust a nut!” should immediately trigger a follow up thought of “where is this nut gonna go?”. The answer should be a resounding “Not in her vagina”. Trust me, she’ll appreciate it. not only cause, you know, it lessens the chances of her getting preggo and possibly having an unwanted baby/abortion BUT it also will make the clean up a lot easier. Any girl will tell you a quick wipe off with a tissue is much nicer than that awkward “I’m leakin’!” walk they take to the bathroom while trying to avoid the load slithering down their legs.

So, if you’re young and reading this, wear a condom. Or , if you hate condoms and feel invincible, fuck a girl on the Pill. But, don’t ever bust a nut in a girl when you don’t have to. That’s just being an idiot for the sake of being an idiot.