Trending topics vol. 19


Last one of the year!
See you assholes on the other side!
http://www.syffal.com/trending-topics-vol-19

I’d like to add for people hating on Natalie Portman (which is something I just recently noticed). Do you know how hot you have to be to pull of the hairstyle for the pic above?
If you’re a guy:Way hotter than anyone you’ve ever fucked.
If you’re a girl: Way hotter than your hottest friend who you resent for being so hot.

Song of the day 11/30/10


Who’s Whylin’? By The Bushwackass
http://usershare.net/pfll65y1x7oo
The Bushwackass are one of those groups that kinda slid between the cracks when they dropped. The put an album out on a little known label called Pallas records called “How real Isreal?”. Yes. It’s a jewish pun. The album was full of violent raps with a black jew edge to them over seriously dope beats by relatively unknown producers. After that, they dropped the single “Caught up in the game” , which may have been their most popular song, even though it never led to another full length.
I always felt they were much more skilled than they were given credit for. Especially in an era when lots of east coast gangster rap wasn’t coming from a particularly “Lyrical” angle. These guys were basically the guys who would go to the Lyricist Lounge and rob the cypher.
I can’t lie, the rhyme from this song
“Cold blooded retribution is my solution
Mayhem into the AM , my revolver is my problem solver”
goes through my head more than I’d like to admit…and I’m a total pussy. Pretty effective stuff, right there.

Some video’s I’m enjoying this week

I got a little too drunk last night at a friends birthday party and I’m way too hungover to think of anything to write . So, allow me to make this easy on myself. Here are some video’s I’ve watched this week that I found to be enjoyable:

Alf Outtakes. This is pretty well known but I had never seen it. How weird is it that the dude playing Alf stays in character when the camera is not rolling? Also weird? Alf dropping N-bombs.

Here’s a video of the luckiest people ever escaping death by the skin of their teeth.

Ever since buy Lego’s for christmas, this kinda shit has been even cooler to me:

And finally, something for the holidays…Pretty good.

Real talk


The term “Real talk” gets thrown around a lot these days. It can mean a variety of things, ranging from telling a fat person they are , in fact, fat to a crony person explaining what kind of jeans they prefer all the way to someone spilling the beans they they cheated on you with your mother.
While it seems like an earnest way to go about your business , there are definitely dangers to conducting “real talk” under certain circumstances. One that recently came up with a friend of mine was that she was trying to figure out the status of some dude she had recently slept with. She was enjoying their booty call relationship but he was acting aloof and weird mixed in with showing general interest at the right time (AKA Girl CRACK). It seemed like the typical confusion bought on by casual sex amongst drunk single people. Something I’m certainly familiar with. After a hook up , there’s always that “what’s the next move?” moment where , i think , both the male and female are deciding how far they wanna take this. Unfortunately, the person with the shorter term plans always seems to win this battle.
Anyway, she was considering asking a female friend of the guy about him but I said that would be a bad move as “girl code” doesn’t really exist and the dude would hear about it within minutes. Not to mention, girls should never listen to other girls about anything involving men and how they may or may not feel about you. You might as well ask a new born penguin how to not get eaten by a sea lion.
So, I told her to just bite the bullet and drop some real talk on that motherfucker. Meaning, just straight up ask him what his deal is. Now, here’s where the problem arises. This tactic is very risky if your feelings are at stake. If she were to do this and he was to give the typical “Woah! slow down!” response , that i’d say most men do, she’s out of a sex partner. But, if she doesn’t get to the bottom of it, it could drag out for months and only get worse. Why agonize over anything like this if you don’t have to? I’ve had various long term booty call relationships end with imposed “real talk” and it’s never pretty…but , in hindsight, always necessary.

Sometimes, the biggest problem with “real talk” is the reality of it. Hearing some shit you’re not ready to accept. But, in it’s essence, that’s what “real talk” is. Unfortunately, it’s gotten transformed into this way of blathering for self important people or people desperately trying to pry information from another person who probably doesn’t even wanna be in the conversation. Other times it’s just people being rude/cruel to one another under the guise of honesty. Sure, it makes a point but often the people speaking the real talk tend to be morons. Pretty much, anytime a person prefaces a statement with “real talk…” prepare to roll your eyes. In reality, it should just be straight talk with no sugar coating. The world could use more of that. Good luck with that shit, though…
To be honest, I’ve found that little good comes out of actual real talk, although it’s often needed. Especially when that “real talk” revolves around dating or relationships. The truth is , having to conduct real talk in those situations means one person is forcing the other to divulge honest feelings. It’s an emotional exorcism that the second party is rarely in the mood to have. In most cases, if something needed to be said, it would have been said already. BUT, if you’re dealing with some shady bullshit involving a guy/girl and have no patience to “see how it turns out” , say “fuck it” and go all in on the real talk. Sure, it’ll very likely end whatever relationship you had going there but at least you won’t be sitting around guessing about it. Real talk, yo.

Answers for questions vol. 5


A foot and a half of fucking snow here in NYC. It feels like it’s on the verge of becoming a “Road Warrior” situation but you replace the need for gasoline with hot cocoa. So, as i’m in my crib trying to stay warm, allow me to answer a few more of these questions.
As usual, if you got more questions you wanna ask, leave them in the comments or email them to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com. The less music based, the better.

– worst rap names (mcs of groups)
Naming yourself as a rapper is no easy task Back when I started, self depreciating names were all the rage (thus , Blockhead). I always found the best names were ones that played off your actual name or ones that actually related to the person in some way. To me, the worst rap names are usually owned by corny underground rappers who haven’t found their identity yet. Because of this lack of identity, it’s hard to come up with a good name. This leads to people just taking random words that sounds either “deep” or , even worse, “cool”. The amount of rappers out there probably names something like “Wizdom the rhyme chief” or “Syllable” is pretty depressing. Now , I’m not gonna go and call out people for their shitty names but you get the idea. Also, obviously anyone still calling themselves “Young/Yung” anything is a fucking idiot as well as “Lil” anything.

– thoughts on the muffin top look
Is this where the girl has fat pouring over the sides of her jeans? Yeah, not a fan. Is there a fetish for this kinda stuff? Probably. I think this trend has waned a bit cause those lo-rise jeans are no longer in fashion (Which, by the way, is a fucking travesty).

– thoughts on the whale boning look (on ladies, of course, dude thongs are rough)

again, not 100% on this one but if it’s this let’s discuss it.
Now, I know this look horrifies any girl out there with self respect. I get that. It’s flagrant and it shows a certain level of whorishness that is unbecoming in public. That said, much like the popularity of low rise jeans, you don’t see this much any more. And, much like those low rise jeans, I used to love this look. Something about it…hmm…perhaps it was how completely slutty and awesome it was? Granted, no one is trying to marry the girl rocking that style but EVERYONE is trying to fuck her. So, if you’re a girl and that’s your M.O. , get yours.
I’ve always felt a deep connection to that look cause of this video:

I was obsessed with this video in high school cause of those few scenes where singer/rapper extraordinaire Smooth was rocking her bathing suit and low riding jean shorts and you could see the sides of her hips peaking out. Something about the inch of flesh being exposed set my 15 year old mind ablaze. So, imagine my joy when that style came back in the form of thongs. Granted, if my unborn hypothetical daughter ever wears some shit like that, I’ll kill her and all her whore friends.

– why do people outside of NY think most people from NY are total assholes – and is this true for those inside NY (i am out west, so can’t comment)… don’t think its jealousy though
Well, there are a few answers. Some new Yorkers are assholes. I know , from first hand experience, that my NYC superiority complex is not the most loved personality trait. But outside of that, I think there’s just this stereotype that New Yorkers act a certain way. The same way people expect New Yorkers to have an accent. Every time I tell someone from out of NY (particularly, out west and down south) that I’m from here, they immediately say “well, you don’t have an accent!”. I then tell them the majority of the people who have a “New York , ehhh fuggetaboutit accent” either live deep in the outer boroughs , long island or even jersey. Kinda the same way people who actually live in Boston don’t tend to sound like southie retards. Anyway,I think there’s an assumption that people here are rude cause that’s how we’re portrayed. The truth is, people in NY are fairly polite. Sure, there are some assholes in there but that applies to anywhere. The one truth is that most Nyers do move fast and would rather keep to themselves. I could see how that comes off as rude but it’s more just a way to get by when there are millions of people coming at you all day.

– worst accent in the US? i grew up outside of boston, so i’ll throw that beauty into the mix
For a dude, it’s definitely the thick Massachusetts accent. That shit is so terrible. I’ve certainly met cool people who posses it but they are few and far in between. Maybe it’s the new yorker in me, but I hear that shit and my skin crawls.
For girls, the thick midwestern accent is a rough one. Like the heavy Minnesota/Fargo sounding accent. While it is possible to pull it off if the girl is cute enough, it’s not helping anyone make a case for themselves as a person who isn’t an idiot. I’d be hard pressed to find a more offensive person that an obese girl from South Dakota, smoking and eating a friend twinkie while talking about whatever local college football team she loves in that accent. To me, that’s worse than a terrorist.

– graffiti – cool or not so cool?
I’ve never given a shit about graf. Maybe cause I was never good at it though. The thing is, some graf is really cool but most of it sucks. I think that can be applied to pretty much every kind of art though. As I’ve written before, I’m just not that big a fan of “art” in general. I think some of it is great but my appreciation skills leave much to be desired. All i know is that, growing up, the majority of beef I caught was due to graffiti and mistaken identity. That certainly left a bad taste in my mouth.
On a “cool story bro” side note, when I was in high school, I was bored. Obviously. So, I started tagging “Ol’e” on the desks. I thought the idea of throwing an apostrophe in a tag was funny and I had no intention of taking that tag anywhere outside of those classroom desks. A few weeks passed and some dude in a grade above me stopped in the hall, “Yo, you write ol’e?” I kinda laughed and was like “uh..kinda”. He informed me that he wrote “OLI” and that I had to stop writing Ol’e. Okaaaaaaaaay , guy. Needless to say, I stopped cause, why the fuck not? But shit like that is a good example of how lame graffiti can be when done by toys.

– Biz Markie – awesome or wack?
Come on dude…

Very awesome.

– lesbian porn – hot or not?
I can appreciate two naked girls. Obviously. But if we’re talking things I jerk off to, no way. I can’t get into Lesbian porn the same way I can’t get into gang bang porn. I simply can’t inject myself into that situation. I’ve never been one of those dudes who hems and haws at the sight of two drunk girls with low self esteem making out at the bar. So, take that to the highest degree, and you have lesbian porn. As much as I appreciate the female form it’s just not enough. I need fucking. Real fucking. Not scissoring , cunnilingus or fingering. In porn especially, how a scene ends it crucial. With a male/female scene, it’s clear. Load to the face/ass/tits. With lesbian scenes, it just seems like two girls wrestling for 10 minutes and then they stop. Sure, they might “cum”, but how do I really know? Not to mention, the post coital cuddle at the end of most lesbian scenes is just corny to me. In order for a porn to work for me, there has to be a penis involved. I realize this is ironic as, in real life sex, for sex to work, I’m on some highlander shit…there can only be one…penis. And that penis is mine.

Song of the day 12/25/10


Santa Claus Goes straight to the ghetto By James Brown
http://usershare.net/sh9syfb6zlyg
I can’t lie, i really don’t give a fuck about holidays and I especially don’t give a fuck about holiday themed music. I think we can all agree on that second part as most holiday music is the absolute worst shit ever made. However, every now and then a good one makes it out of the shitty abyss. This is one of those…and it’s not even THAT good. But ,by christmas standards, it’s fucking mozart.

When athletes rap

A friend of mine recently emailed me an mp3 of a horrible/fantastic rap song that was made by the 1986 New York Mets. This song.
“Get metsmerized!”

It got me thinking all about the huge trend in the 80’s of athletes being forced to make rap songs to promote their teams. Nowhere was this more common than in football. Thanks to the enormous success of the Chicago Bear’s song “Super Bowl Shuffle”

I suppose after this, every team in the NFL felt it was necessary to cut a hot joint featuring all their top players fumbling through the easiest rhyme schemes known to man. I mean, for real, I know these dudes spent their entire lives focusing on football but do you mean to tell me not a single one had rhythm? Apparently not. So, here’s a goldmine of all that is awkward and forced. If you’re a sports fan, you will lose your shit. Even if you aren’t, if you have a funny bone in your body, you can surely enjoy watching these men struggle through 2 bars of rapping in a way a deaf person could only relate to.

Miami dolphins

The 49ers

L.A. Raiders

Cincinnati Bengals

L.A. Rams

Redskins

Philly Eagles

A bunch of baseball players expressing their inner elton john

As an added bonus , here are some non-rap ones that are equally amazing:
The singin’ Seahawks!

Fuck this shit…let’s ROCK!

And Finally, a new video made by the Denver Nuggets, featuring everyone’s favorite Tatted up whig, The Birdman!
Christmas in Hollis By the Denver Nuggets

Special shout out to Positive A and Popeye Jones from Philaflava.com for putting me on to most of these. Well done, gentleman.

(Yes, I’m aware I skipped over all the more focused efforts in rapping done by basketball players , boxers and baseball players but this post was about team efforts. but, if you’re into that stuff, google “basketball’s best kept secrets”. I recommend Isaiah J.R. riders song. It’s pretty gangster.)