Ok…Let’s see what we got.
Buffalo- don’t remember
I’m sad to say that our show in Buffalo was so long ago, I’ve pretty much forgotten any interesting details. I know if was a good show. I remember that…but that’s where it ends. That’s kinda what happens on tour. All the dates tend to blend into one another unless something sorta crazy sticks out. I did eat some Buffalo wings while I was there though. That was good.
Asheville is a funny place. It’s as close as you can get to the northwest in the south east. In my opinion, it’s strikingly similar to Portland. Meaning, great food, tons of young people ,tons of hippies and a blind love of all things “Art”. I think what separates Asheville from a place like portland is the slight east coast influence that crept in. Sure, there are dread locked matzoh’s (I’d like to coin that phrase for rich white kids of possible jewish descent with dreadlocks) all over. That’s a given. But what about the super awesome old timey throwback Whigs? For a guy like me, it’s a breath of fresh air to see some kids in actual baggy jeans and a polo hat tilted to the side. It takes me back and asheville had a nice amount of them.
Another thing I noticed there was an abundance of hot tiny girls. By this, I mean packs of 5 foot tall girls who are all hot and partying hard. While this may seem great on paper , seeing these little crews bounce around really nailed home how old I really am. In the grand scheme of things, I’m still young. But in this world, I’m rip van fucking winkle. It’s sad to say but I’ve officially hit that wall where you see 21 year old girls and , while you wanna fuck them in the most broad sense, it’s just not something I could realistically do (if I were single, of course). I feel like an uneasy dad watching these drunk little things bop about the room. I bummed myself out just writing that but it’s the truth. Perhaps, this is what adulthood is all about. Who knows? All I know is this feeling certainly doesn’t carry over into the porn i watch so I guess it’s not that bad.
I got a lot to say about this place. This one’s gonna need bullet points
1)Too many pounds
This isn’t just a Charleston thing. It’s actually a nationwide phenomenon. but I noticed it a lot while there. This is when, I’m chilling at the merch booth and some drunk dude comes up and chats with me. Very typical and totally fine. But what sometimes happens is said drunk dude spins out of control into a world where he feels like he much give me daps every 5 seconds. It goes like this:
drunk guy says something
drunk reiterates what I just said
I nod out of sheer confusion
and repeat about 6 times.
That shit is tiring.
The biggest offender of this , however, is the drunken promoter. The show is over. It went well and this dude is acting like we just saved the world together (not this particular promoter in Charleston, I’m being general here). Pounds, hugs, deep emotional gazes. After a while, it honestly get’s really uncomfortable.
There was a small controversy over whether or not I called Charleston “Charlotte” on stage. Apparently, I shouted out every one in Charlotte. Well, I didn’t. I swear. I actually made a special effort not to do that cause I was definitely thinking it. Unfortunately, I made matters worse when I got home an tweeted
“Hey Charlton , NC I definitely didn’t call you Charlotte today on stage. I swear.”
Oops. Oh well. Peace to Charlton. He was awesome on The Fresh Prince.
3)Worst crowd members ever
Every now and then, you get some real pieces of shit at your shows. The crazy thing is, I’m not talking about people who don’t like your music. No, I’m speaking of fans who simply don’t know how to act. At the Charlton show (Fuck yall, I’m rolling with that), there was a group of kids in the front row who were just fucking awful. In their defense, I’m pretty sure they were tripping on something but whatever. Master your high, dipshits.
Basically, it was three dudes and one girl in the very front row. The girl was the highest. Extremely high. The dudes were more just obnoxious. A word of advice to show goers: When watching someone perform , don’t attempt to have a conversation with them. I really can’t even wrap my head around this one but it happens every now and then. People literally asking me questions while I’m , for all intents and purposes, working. I get why a complete idiot might make requests. I’m on my laptop. You don’t know better. You think I’m DJing. It’s incredibly rude and annoying but I get it. However, the convo style is the worst. At one point, the drugged girl ran up on stage and sidled up to me. She said hi and asked me “What’s up?”
Oh, nothing, just performing in front of a crowd, you? She then asked for a kiss and get pulled of stage. I appreciate the enthusiasm but people need to refer back to the rules of proper conduct. You know, that shit you were taught growing up which let’s you know it’s not okay to shit in the middle of the street or punch strangers. The same rulebook has extensive chapters of interacting with other humans in all sorts of situations. I suggest you guys pick it up wherever thoughts are had.
That said, the actual show was great and it was a fun time. But, you know, writing about that shit isn’t entertaining anyone.
This is one of those diamond in the rough cities down south. amidst all the frightening southyness of the south (I’m a yankee, that stuff scares the shit out of me), some cities pop up and seem enlightened. Kinda like Austin in Texas. Basically, that whole stereotype just means “A city in an otherwise conservative area where people like art”. Well. Athens is one of those places. They’re always fun to play in. I really have nothing too crazy to report from here. oh wait…yes I do.
Winner for most shady bathroom at a venue goes to….ATHENS! The bathroom itself as fine. It was more the occupants that made it shady. Every time I went into pee, there was an assortment of dudes just chilling in there. In the piss covered, shit smelling bathroom. Now, normally, I’d just assume these were coke head types but they were not doing any coke. They were actually selling crack. At a fucking Emancipator/Blockhead show. These dudes were chilling in filth, offering up the lowest of low drugs to everyone patron who needed to pee. Motherfuckers need to figure out their demographics. Sure, people do drugs at my shows. People do drugs at all shows. But crack? Really?
We hit up Tallahassee and Gainesville. I was fairy frightened of both these places as all I know of northern Florida is what I’ve seen in the movie “Bully” (was that even in northern florida?). I was expecting the trashiest meth head kids possible who would try and steal my Mac book while I was on stage performing. This is also partially due to the drive to Florida. When you see the places in between the cities, it’s really disheartening. I usually start getting skittish around the 3rd pro-life billboard. Or perhaps it’s the mystery hotel/eatery/who knows what named “The plantation” that kept popping up. “The plantation”? You sure you really wanna go there , Georgia?
That said, these shows were actually great. One thing I always forget is when you hit smaller markets, the people come out. Not only do they come out, but they are just happy to be there.
Tallahassee was awesome except for the smoke machines. I don’t know why people like things like smoke machines or strobe lights. I never will.
It’s like people want to smell like your grandma’s house and have seizures. Kids these days with the grandma smell and seizures!
Gainesville was a bit of a shit show. It turned out good but it was one of those situations where whomever put it together didn’t really plan very well. Thus far on the tour, we have been playing music venues with things like stages and a place for an audience to stand. In Gainesville, we pretty much show up to a nightclub with a Dj rig in the corner. It was a nice club that the owner assured us was high class and didn’t let in “Gangsters” (I’ll let you decipher that one yourself). After hours of figuring out how we’d stuff this large stage show into a DJ booth, we all just kinda shrugged our shoulders and hoped for the best.
Fortunately, it was awesome. Packed wall to wall with dancing kids. Very intimate. It played like an awesome house party. There were people just hanging over the booth while I played. No one got out of line though so it was fine. There was , however, one dude who stood motionless at the side of the booth , intensely staring at me the entire show. I mean, I feel like he didn’t break focus on me for more that 3 second of the entire hour. He was just sitting there, chilling in my periphery the whole time. I half way kinda thought he was gonna kill me , but only out of love and wanting me to be his very own personal musician. Luckily, that didn’t happen and he gave me a very normal pound at the end of the show. If that dude is reading this, I’d just like to say thinks for not killing me and in the future you should break your stare more often. I’m glad you like my shit but it’s a little creepy.
Also, shout outs to the guy who told me he reads this blog and the other guy who asked me if I was selling any Party Fun Action Committee Cd’s. Oh, and this crazy dude who got my old album art tatted on his arm:
That shit is ill.