Notes from the road Pt. 7 (The ski town edition)

Ahhh….Back up in it. The last 3 days on tour have been in the lovely state of Colorado or , as I like to call it, the land of mountains and the white people who love them.
Let’s get into it:

The wonders of Ski towns

The first two dates of this tour took place in Ski towns. Aspen and steamboat springs. As a man who does not particularly enjoy natures spoils, I’ve never been to places like this before and it was very interesting to take in from an outsiders perspective. Perhaps the most interesting thing about them to me was how they made me feel. Tired. Short of breath. Constipated. Yes, the altitude seriously fucked with me. In aspen, they had an oxygen machine backstage which I routinely sucked on for 5 minutes at a time cause I felt like I was constantly on the verge of my lungs collapsing. I was told it takes about 6 weeks to fully acclimate to the thinner air. Well, 2 days in and I was still breathing like premie.

A few things I noticed about ski towns:
1)The overall vibe was strange.
The shows went off. Packed crowds of people raging but it felt as if no one really cared what music was playing. It was more they were happy any music was playing. As a performer (I use that term loosely) , it’s a weird feeling to see a crowd who’s obviously enjoying themselves but also completely indifferent to what you were doing. I could have easily spun late 90’s R&B tracks and got the same response. Also, can Dub step just go away already? I had way too many talks with people about this genre (they bought it up). If you ever wanna see me sign out of a conversation , say the words “Dub Step” and you can probably actually see my eyes roll into the back of my head and do a 360 as my mind visibly drifts to other plains.

2)Lots of people in casts
That’s self explanatory.

3)No one works?
Ski towns are funny in that they seem to run on the barter system or something. these shows were on a monday and a tuesday and fools were getting hammered (i mean, seriously shit faced) while staying out as late as they could. It’s as if schedules and responsibility don’t exist in ski towns. It’s actually kinda cool but it’s also responsible for 40 year old ski bum burn outs who seemingly emerge from the woods once a month only to purchase lip balm and red bull.

4)Where’s the crime?
I don’t mean, why is there no crime. I know why there’s no crime in ski towns. People are either rich or stoned and getting to these places takes a lot of gas and wheels that devious low lives just don’t have. However, hypothetically, if I were a thief of some sort, I would rent a U-haul and head up to any number of these ski towns (or places like Cape Cod) during the off season and just casually rob the entire town blind. First off, when it’s off season, only a small hand full of people actually live there. I’d imagine you could tell what house is filled by the car in front. No car out front after midnight = Free shit. Something I’ve noticed about small town communities with low crime rates is that people trust one another. Thus, while the door might not be unlocked (though that’s entirely possible), I doubt they’ve got an alarm system. In fact, I’d bet you could get in through any number of windows. Not to mention, these places are spaced out. A little breaking glass isn’t gonna wake up the neighbors. Once inside, I’d imagine all sorts of tv’s, dvd players and even furniture. Fuck it. Steal an ottoman. You got nothing but time.
So, yeah, I would never do this but I’m just saying, all you travel friendly crooks out there, get on this. It’s big business.

5)The hot springs
Continuing with my ever expanding horizons, I joined my tour mates in a trip to the hot springs. In the past, my experience with things like this don’t range far past sticking my head inside a sauna before deciding I’ll pass on that steamy hot room that smells like old ballsacks. This was quite different. It was an all natural array of hot pools of water you just kinda lounge in. It was like a huge community bath full of kids and hippies. That said, it was pretty fucking nice. My old joints felt great in the steaming water and losing toxins from my body in ways other then horrific dumps was a nice change of pace. We stayed in there for about an hour. I noticed my body was kinda freaking out at points. My heart was beating super fast. Almost in a panicked state. It didn’t dawn on my dumb ass that I was totally dehydrated cause , you know, I was sitting in a pool of water. When we got back to the car to continue our drive to the next location , I felt like I had a full blown flu. Eventually I slugged down 3 bottles of water and some coconut juice and normalized but , man, why does healthy shit always fuck me up? Well, not all healthy shit. The new age-ish stuff that people in Colorado do. I personally can’t blame them and should honestly lay the blame on my body being so unhealthy that any outside interference cause it to freak out. Awesome. Basically, I’d probably feel better eating fried chicken and donuts then I would after a steam bath in some hot springs and a full body message. That can’t be good.

6)Are hotel pranks some new things?
Two nights in a row, my roomie and I were awoken at 6 am cause some motherfucker had set the alarm on the radio clock the night before. In two different hotels! who does that? I’m all for pranks but where the fun when you don’t get to witness it. Serious cocksuckery , right there. Last night, we stayed at a hotel with paper thin walls. About an hour after our 6 am alarm clock wake up, the person in the room next to us put on their tv and turned the volume all the way up. The shit was blaring. I could literally follow the plot of whatever CSI they were watching cause I heard every word. This went on for three hours until the cleaning lady knocked on the door. Apparently, this unbelievable asshole had left the tv blasting right as they left the room. You know, just because. Infuriating.

Anyway, we played Fort Collins last night and it was awesome. Non ski-towns for the win! I got a whole separate blog i’mma write about a funny conversation I had with some drunk girl cause it really deserves it’s own discussion. Word.

16 thoughts on “Notes from the road Pt. 7 (The ski town edition)

  1. I moved from Toronto to a ski town 5 years ago and this post is dead on. I eventually got acclimatized but there’s still things about the mountain culture that weird me out. Numark played a set here this week, and it was the first hip-hop show I’ve been to where bugged out hippy chicks were dancing with glowing hula hoops.
    Also, I say “dude” way too much now.

  2. “Packed crowds of people raging but it felt as if no one really cared what music was playing.”

    now you’ve fully experienced the colorado and pseudo-hippie festival scenes

    sorry, im 23 but that shit is so dumb to me

  3. lol at you being winded on stage.
    I only wish Bob Sonic could have been there with you, to re-enact James Brown’s hardest working man in show business routine.


  4. would you accept 40 million dollars right now with the stipulation that the second you turned 75 you would be sent back in time to die in the Battle of Gettysburg?

    also, if you had to start an NBA team from scratch next season, without considering salaries, would you take derrick rose and blake griffin or rajon rondo and dwight howard?

  5. LOL, so much truth…
    They weren’t trying to prank you, they were just trying to catch “First Chair”, which means they were trying to be the first ones on the chairlift to shred the pow before all the other gapers woke up.
    You are a gaper.
    Go look up gaper on urban dictionary.
    Thanks for bringing some funk to the ski towns. Kids obviously are going to get down way hard to anything you play because they do not get love like the kids in the cities do.

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