I’m on tour Pt. 2


Yoyoyoyo,
The east coast tour kicked ass and I’m heading out west for a week. If you live in Colorado, Texas or New Orleans, come out and say hi. I’ll again be touring with Emancipator. Good times to be had for all!
Here are the dates:
2/21 Aspen, CO @ Bellyup Aspen
2/22 Steamboat Springs, CO @ Ghost Ranch Saloon
2.23 Fort Collins CO @ Hodi’s Half Note
2.24 Boulder CO @ Fox Theatre
2.25 Dallas TX @ Tree’s
2.26 Austin TX @ Aces Lounge
2.27 New Orleans, LA @ The Hookah

Oh, and I still have my limited edition 7” record that I’ll be selling as well as all my albums and my “Peanuts in your mouth” tour cd. And for you heads in Austin and New orleans, I’m hopefully gonna have some shirts for sale.

Song of the day 2/18/11


Ain’t nobody straight in L.A. By The Miracles
http://www.usershare.net/iym6ebsvvva0

This song was sent to me by a reader. I forget his name but he’s a funny dude (feel free to take credit in the comments, I’m just too lazy to look through my old emails). Anyway, this joint is pretty fucking bizarre.
Apparently, The Miracles were frustrated with the party scene in L.A. due to the large amounts of gay people. Now, the cool thing about this song is , it could have easily flown off the tracks into a wildly homophobic rant but it manages to stay in the center. They even decide to go to a gay bar at the end cause “some of the finest women are in a gay bar”. Well played, The Miracles.

Got time to waste?


I’ve got the perfect thing for you.
http://www.cleverbot.com/

Basically, this a website where you type whatever you want and a computer answers you. More often than not, these interactions will spiral off into either complete absurdity or you calling a computer “a worthless piece of shit” and telling it how you will fuck it’s mother. Either way, it’s fun. I was doing it last night and totally lost track of time. Turns out I had been popping shit with cleverbot for 20 minutes. While that’s slightly embarrassing on my part, it does speak of the addictive qualities this sight contains.
feel free to post transcripts from your interactions in the comment section. The stranger, the better.

Here’s one of mine. Not great or anything but you’ll get the idea:

User: Of the 4 elements of hip hop, which do you prefer?

Cleverbot: Twilight. Are you watching me right now?

User: Twilight is definitely the best. Right before breakdancing.

Cleverbot: I love it! How do you feel about the movie.

User: I think it was the finest piece of art ever created.

Cleverbot: You mean the creation of the Northern Irish state was unjustified? So you are firmly in the nationalist camp? What have the US got to do with it if I may ask?

User: Dude, you need to watch your fucking tone with me.

Cleverbot: And they call me a creeper, sheesh!

User: Nah, you’re more just a creep.

Cleverbot: I’m sorry, I’ll take it slow.

User: Thanks. You’re not doing a good job if you want me to send you dick pics.

Cleverbot: Fair point. Okay just do me a favour. Whenever someone asks you ‘what is the meaning of life?’, just say 42.

User: ‘Favour’? You’re borked out.

Cleverbot: You’re mean.

User: I’m the truth, like beanie’s first LP.

Cleverbot: You’re the first.

User: The first what?

Cleverbot: The last.

User: Can I recite a biblical verse that will make you melon burst like that nigga jules in pulp fiction?

Cleverbot: Think of the children.

User: My salvation is salivation, and diction crucifixion.

Cleverbot: I like the insane ones. They challenge my intellect.

User: It’s a blessing just to live another day. Cause the lord giveth, and the lord taketh away.

Cleverbot: Are you a computer?

User: Almost, I’m Ras Kass.

Cleverbot: Sure you are.

User: You’re right. I’m much taller.

Cleverbot: Sure you want to bet on that1111.

User: Actually, yes.

Cleverbot: And how did you learn that?

User: With a fucking measuring stick, bro.

Cleverbot: What did you do when you got there?

User: Annnnnnnd scene.

Cleverbot: Scene?

My favorite tweeters


Since I went to the dark side and joined Twitter, it’s safe to say I’ve embraced it. I knew I would but I had hoped some of that anti-twitter integrity I had prior to joining would stick around. No such luck. I now except my spinelessness and can live with it. Btw, follow me! @blockheadnyc! Moving on…
so, Twitter is definitely fun. I’ve learned a few things in the short time I’ve been involved with it.
For instance:

-Never follow 95% of you favorite rappers. Not only are they extremely boring but the majority of their tweets are just retweets of worthless shit other people said about them. However, there are exceptions and I will get to them.
I’ve also Noticed many of my favorite rappers just post corny spiritual/life advice shit that makes me like them less so I opted to unfollow a lot of them. If you’re not funny on twitter, I don’t care what you have to say. I’m not saying they aways have to be funny but if every tweet is some played out word of wisdom , I’ll pass.

-Following porn stars is hit or miss. On one hand, some of them are actually surprisingly funny. Some also post tons of naked pics. Both are plusses in my book. Some truly go for it and embrace the filth. I like that as well. On the other hand , some do the same thing the rappers do with the retweets. Even worse though are the porn stars who tweet about some stupid self help book they’re reading or how yoga class went. If I wanted to read that shit I’d hang out where wheat grass is sold and shoot the shit with whoever came near me. I won’t even get into the ironic aspect of those types of tweets cause that’s a whole other story.

-When you’re actually friends with people and follow them, it’s kinda hard to unfollow them. I have some friends and music aquaintences who I think are just really bad at twitter. I don’t doubt some of them think the same about me. Because we’re cool, I keep following them but , in reality, they clog up my timeline with all sorts of pointless shit ranging from constant updates of what they’re eating to manic breakdowns that aren’t entertaining in anyway. Sure, I could unfollow them but you’d be shocked how closely some people monitor their followers. Motherfuckers take attendance and shit. So, instead, I just suck it up and try to ignore them.

Anyway, I’m not one those people who messes with that “follow fridays” shit but I figured I’d spotlight a few of my favorite people to follow on twitter:

@fatjew
This is my boy Fat Jew from Team Facelift and he pretty much only tweets jokes. He’s almost always funny and never overbearing with the amount he tweets. He’s also got like 52,000 followers so my 2,000 follower having ass isn’t helping him much by promoting him. But, rest assured, he’s good.

Random examples:

Bought a pair of USED pants on ebay with a thong sewn in and wore them without washing. That’s gangster. Would a blood or crip do that? 1:06 PM Feb 14th via web

“You know a girl is too young for you if you have to make the airplane noise just to get your cock in her mouth” -Jimmy Carr 1:36 PM Feb 11th via web

I wouldn’t be scared to fight a bear that was on fire but when I get a call on my cell from an unknown number i am legitimately terrified 1:33 PM Feb 11th via web

Based on his use of the word “collaborate” in that one song, I’m not sure Vanilla Ice knows what it means. @kory_4d 6:02 PM Feb 7th via web

@gavin_mcginnes
This is one of the founders of vice magazine and the original voice of the “do’s and don’t” section. While there has been a just backlash at Vice over the years, it was never this dudes fault. He’s fucking hilarious. He also will post really entertaining articles so that’s a bonus as well.

Random Examples:

Women in headscarves screaming for freedom is like fucking for virginity. #Egypt
6:16 PM Feb 11th via Twittelator

Can’t believe Led Zeppelin got away with this picture of an old man being mounted by a thousand giant faggots. http://yfrog.com/gznd2klkj

British people are so obsessed with racism, they think it’s racist to point out other races being racist.
12:03 PM Feb 1st via TweetDeck

@intuitionraps
Intuition is a rapper buddy of mine from L.A. , by way of Alaska. While he could easily be one of those annoying self promotional tweeters, he slips in enough good stuff to keep it interesting.

Random Examples:

Just saw a guy with a dreadlock mullet. Business in the front, phish show in the back.
1:54 AM Feb 10th via HTC Peep

i hate it when bums choose MY window to piss under…but i still feel like it’s rude to interrupt.
1:38 AM Feb 9th via web

i keep wanting to delete my myspace page, but it’s like the ex girl you don’t want to delete from your phone cuz she might send nudes still.
1:14 AM Feb 8th via web

@po_lite
“Po” is an old friend of mine and one of the funniest women I’ve ever met. The cool thing about her twitter is that she’s not much different in real life. I appreciate that.

Random Examples:

Bruce transjenner
11:21 PM Feb 9th via Twitter for iPhone

I’m waiting for the bus right now among many mexicans. They all know I left my money at home.
1:19 AM Feb 7th via Twitter for iPhone

Thought my cabbie was takin me to his rape spot last night but instead he just played Maxwell and tried to get me to go to a bar with him
9:22 AM Jan 31st via Twitter for iPhone

@jzonedon\'ttweet
J-Zone is an awesome producer, fan of incredible ignorant rap and a very entertaining writer. He takes those three things and makes his twitter fantastic. He definitely speaks the older rap nerd in me.

Random examples:

Local store decorated in all red with “Wheres Cupid?” in the window. As many baby mamas they got over here? Fuck Cupid, wheres daddy?
4:35 PM Feb 13th via web

And of course the greatest rap album ever made dropped in ’91…Tim Dog Penicillin on Wax. I’ll take that statement to the grave!
8:54 AM Feb 11th via web from Jamaica, New York

#FamousLies “I used to be freaky, but those days are over.” Whatever. In English that means you just need a lil more Hennessy these days

@anthonyjeselnik
He’s a fucked up comedian who rarely tweets, but when he does, it’s always good. I’m a big fan of his work and kinda wish he’d step up his twitter productivity.

Random examples:

When I was little, I would burn ants with a magnifying glass. But now that I’m older, I’m more of a cat guy.
3:14 PM Dec 28th, 2010 via web

I’ve spent two years looking for my ex-girlfriend’s killer. But no one will do it.
7:01 PM Dec 10th, 2010 via web

I describe myself to people as a “history buff.” It just sounds better than “Holocaust buff.”
12:20 PM Nov 7th, 2010 via

@ghostfacekillah
I’d imagine anyone reading this who’s on twitter already follows Ghostface. The dude is legendary. It’s not all the time, but when he gets on a topic and manically goes off, it’s something to behold. On valentine’s day, he went all in…

Read from the bottom up…

Thats why a lot of girls like girls cause they know what girls like. Nah mean, you gotta know how to do that shit right b. 2:32 PM Feb 14th via web

But you gotta eat her pussy tho, nahmean. Don’t suck the shit too hard nahmean they don’t like that. 2:32 PM Feb 14th via web

and for those of y’all that don’t eat no pussy, you might gotta eat her pussy. You feel me! You eat her pussy, thats even a extra 100 points 2:30 PM Feb 14th via web

But don’t make love to her without the MUSIC on! You gotta put that SLOW shit on and you fuck her reaaal slow. 2:26 PM Feb 14th via web

That’s the best shit. Making your girl happy man. Then after that, you know what it is! You gon’ go in there and you gon’ make love to her.

@sirjarlsberg

This is my man Jeremy Gibson, AKA Sir Jarlsberg. I’ve posted a bunch of his shit on this blog. He’s a rapping and singing olde timey knight kinda guy. Its hard to explain..but it’s soooooo good.

Random examples:

When birds flock together, I gather their feathers. And glue them together to make a great duster. Tis useful and wonderful like numerals.
2:36 PM Jan 3rd via Twitter for BlackBerry®

It twill be quite challenging to catch a snow quail on this day for there are numerous fluffy hwhite burrowing canals. Hence no quail eggs
11:23 AM Dec 27th, 2010 via Twitter for BlackBerry®

Once a hideous Ogar gave thee a decease sparrow and told thee to place it with in thy rear. I cried “NEVER!”and ran to the hills quickly
6:57 PM Dec 22nd, 2010 via Twitter for BlackBerry

@mason_mooreXXX
Mason moore is a fuuuuucked up pornstar. At elast, that’s what her twitter would have me believe. Unlike the others I’ve listed above, following her is more of a spectacle than entertainment. She’s certainly entertaining but, man, it can get grim sometimes. But you gotta look…

Random Examples:

I’m pretty sure if I was on heroin again I’d weigh a lot less. I’m waaay prettier and skinner when I’m partying. That’s how you’ll know
3:43 AM Feb 12th via ÜberTwitter

Seriously. Some of my tweets are bullshit but I’m totally being real right now. I went to the dentist drunk and with dried cum on my neck
3:31 AM Feb 12th via ÜberTwitter

Even though I hate the superbowl that does not mean I wouldn’t fake it and act like I love it just to bang some football players. Just sayin
12:27 PM Feb 6th via ÜberTwitter

Honorable mentions also go out to
@wool_life
My artist homeboy and fellow knick fan who brings the funny.

@mrskimyadawson
Singer and all around awesome person. She somehow manages to be positive, funny and entertaining all at once.

@kristinarosexxx
She’s a good time and posts tons of pics for all you jerking off perverts out there. She also retweets me so, technically, you could unfollow me and follow her and still get my twitter highlights.

@jesus_m_christ
One of my favorite fake accounts. OR IS IT FAKE?!?!?!

@whitegirlproblems
Whoever this is really nails it. White girls…the worst.

@sportsguys33

this is sports writer Bill simmons. He’s very funny and posts all sorts of good videos and links as well.

@xavadevinex

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a moment of her porn work but she’s as filthy as it gets. So much, that it’s actually comical. That said, I’m terrified of her.

Answers to questions Vol. 12


Keeping it rolling.
If you got more Q’s, send them to my email Phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them here in the comments.

How did you feel about the whole Def Jux being put on hiatus deal? I mean I know your not technically on that label but you must have had an opinion on the situation.

It was both sad and expected. On one hand, the record business is simply not working anymore so most indie labels are gonna eventually fold. Sure, some will stick around but even respected labels can’t last forever in this climate. I guess I was most bummed because it was something I was around from it’s inception. I didn’t even know El-P personally when it actually started but I was a huge fan and followed it’s beginnings very closely. To then get involved with it (through Aesop) was amazing. It’s really the only time I’ve felt like I was a part of an active musical movement. Indie hip hop had been around but Jux put a different spin on it and really expanded on the whole concept.
When it’s all said and done, I feel a little guilty as I kinda feel like The Party fun Action Committee record , while the finest album ever recorded, was partially responsible for the label’s demise. After all, that shit sold like 200 copies. That can’t be good for the bank.

What about public transportation etiquette?

Being that I don’t ever take the bus (like most non-senior citizens in NYC) , I can only speak on the subway. I seriously could write a book on the do’s and don’t or riding the train but , for the sake of time and space, I’ll just limit it to these bullet points.
Rules for the train:
1)Don’t talk to me
2)Don’t look at me
3)Don’t eat mcdonalds on the train, ever.
4)Don’t be homeless and sleep on a whole seating area during the day.
5)Don’t hold the doors open so you can finish your shitty conversation with your shitty friend who just got off the train.
7)If I can hear what song your listening to on your Ipod from 10 feet away, it’s too loud.
8)Don’t talk loudly with your dumb ass friends like this is your living room. Treat it as you would a small restaurant.
9)Don’t rob people, specifically me.
10) If you’re begging, accept the fact that most people will not give you change. Giving a “my life is hard” sob story then getting mad cause people are ignoring you is not a good look. We’re trained to ignore you. The only people who tip out homeless dudes on the train are either drunk or not from here.
11)If you’re a person who performs music on the train , stop doing that. EVERYONE hates you.

Dear Uncle Tony,
Who do you dislike more: kids or teenagers?

Oh, Teenagers by a landslide. They lack the fear of adults that kids do. It’s fucked up. When I was a teenager, I always reserved a natural respect for my elders. That doesn’t mean I was on some “‘ello’ there guvna! Might I shine your shoes this mornin’?!” type shit but I knew my place. Kids these days (Old person rant alert) are just fucking assholes. They live under this idea that you must earn their respect first, no matter who you are. What part of the game is that? I’m older than you. I’m smarter than you and I know a shit load more about everything than you. Respect me you little pieces of shit!

I don’t know if you’re keeping up on current (rap) events, but have you heard about this travesty concerning Tom Hanks’ son being a rapper and calling himself “Chet Haze” (with ebonics vernacular intact and all)? If yes, what’s your take on this guy?

Oh man. That fucking guy. The first thing I thought of upon seeing this dude was what it must be like at the Hanks family dinner table. Tom’s there, being the world most loved actor. His wife is there…um…cooking , I suppose. Colin Hanks is there. While he’s not totally famous in his career like his dad, he’s certainly had a respectable run thus far. And then there is Chet Haze. Sitting there, in his bro’d out wife beater , covered in his terrible tattoos, very likely wearing his hat backwards. You gotta think they whole table is looking at him like “what the fuck happened to you?”. I don’t know if he got molested by a super wigger when he was a kid or if he just REALLY was deeply effected by Eminem but shit…that’s some brutal shit for any family to have to deal with.
Not to mention, I was amazed how flagrantly Chet haze rapped about drugs and sex. I mean, I get it, you’re like Asher Roth on steroids but you’d think he’d tone it down a hair simply based on who he is. But , then again, Lawrence Fishburne’s daughter took loads all over her pimple covered ass on film so I guess all bets are off , in that respect.

Sooo I’m 20 and come from a super strict catholic mexican family. Keep that in mind.
Last night my boyfriend and I came home (my parents house that I live in) from a movie and
went to my room like we do a thousand times and just hung out. I was laying on the bed and he was too.
My mom came in like she always does and the three of us were having conversation about the movie we watched and whatever.
My dad for some weird reason decides to ask my mom a question takes one good look at my boyfriend and gets like beyond pissed.
I know he got mad because my boyfriend was on the bed but my mom was right there with us you know?
Is he over reacting? Or is that what dads do when a boy comes anywhere near their daughters?
i know your not a dad but i figured you’d have a sister or something.

A little of both. Yes, your dad is definitely over reacting but he’s also a strict catholic. That’s kinda par for the course. I’m surprised he let you and your dude in the room in the first place. The fact your mom was in there makes it kind of petty on your dads part but that’s what dads do. In his mind, you’re his precious , virginal flower. Even if that’s true (UNLIKELY) , there is still gonna be thoughts in the back of his head about every dude he sees you with. As a man, he knows what the average boys intentions are. And they aren’t chatting about movies with you mom. The addition of the heavy religion is just the icing on the cake. I’m totally devoid of that shit and I’d be wary of my hypothetical 20 year old daughter being anywhere near some 20 year old boy. I think dads are just naturally protective. All I’ll say is don’t give him more reasons to not trust you. The first time he catches you blowing that dude, trust that you’re grounded for life and that guy will leave the house with one less penis than he had when he entered.

Question: Do people ever try to give you demo tapes at your shows and if so, do you actually listen to any of them or just chuck them? I’m guessing the later.

Jerk. I really don’t wanna answer this but I guess I should.
When I tour, I get demo’s all the time. Always from really nice fans who just want me to peep their music. Because of the music I do, these demo’s range from rap albums all the way to weird , minimalist Electro-beats type shit. Now, in my normal life, I don’t listen to any instrumental music. It’s just not my thing. So, when people give me beat demo’s or instrumental albums, I’m much less likely to check them out. When I get rap cd’s, I’m more curious of what’s going on cause it’s generally something I might listen to in my everyday life.
The thing is, I get all these cd’s when I’m on tour. Since Discmen are no longer the jump off, I don’t really get around to peeping them upon delivery. In fact, I tend to lose a lot of them cause , when touring, space is of the essence. I try to hang on to only necessities. They get accidentally left in venues, backstage, and hotels all the time. It’s no on purpose, it just happens.
That said, there have been tours I’ve been on where demo listening became a group activity in the bus or van. It kinda works like some twisted version of the gong show where we see how far we can get into each demo before we have to turn it off. Little secret: In all my life as a touring musician , out of all the demo’s I’ve ever been given, I’ve heard MAYBE 2 decent ones. Keep in mind, I’m speaking of the rap demo’s, cause they actually got listened to. Those %’s are staggering considering how many cd’s I’ve been given over the years.
I’m sorry if this answer is dickish but I’m just being honest. If you, a fan, wants to give me a demo, go for it. I can really make any promises that I’ll listen to it but there’s always a chance I might.

Why don’t you smoke weed? Weed’s pretty awesome.  Not in like a lets rip a four foot bong way, but in a take a hit of a one hitter and chill out for a bit way. It mellows me, relaxes me, passes time.  Would seem like a good thing on the road.

Weed doesn’t work for me. Some people feel great when they do it but I become a basket case. It makes me super uncomfortable during and dumber the next day. I used to smoke it but i hit a wall in my mid 20’s and never looked back. I still think it’s good for watching movies , eating or listening to music but that’s it. Socially, I can’t think of a worse thing.
On top of that, and I’ve actually covered this a lot in this blog), I think people who are REALLY into weed are corny. Nothing wrong with smoking and enjoying it but when it becomes a major part of your lifestyle, it’s pretty fucking lame to me. Just smoke your weed and shut the fuck up about it.

The love that love loved

FL
To most men, Valentine’s day is nothing we look forward to. When most guys think of Valentines day, regardless of their own relationship status, I’d say indifference is as positive as it gets. I use the word “most” strictly as a precaution that there is some weird dude out there who truly gets into the spirit of this shitty fake holiday. I’m not entirely convinced this person exists but , hey, anything is possible. So, if you’re that guy , a big shout out goes to you from the bottom of my cold heart…and also, what the fuck is wrong with you?
ANNNNYWAY, In terms of “holidays”, V-day ranks somewhere between Boxing day (for non-canadians) and “Eat a bag of shit day” (also for non-canadians). At best, it’s a good meal and sex with a person whose company you enjoy (which, by the way, pretty much should be an “all the time” thing for any happy couple). At it’s worst, it’s a shame spiral of loneliness OR utter resentment towards the person you happen to be with at that moment. Obviously, this is nothing new. My issue is that this day really just becomes a second birthday for whatever girl happens to be involved. At least that’s the standard. I mean, if flowers are involved, there’s a good chance you’re dealing with some corny girl related celebration. This leads to mens hands being forced and a small layer of resentment over a one sided holiday that exists primarily to put unneeded pressure on and annoy men. I don’t know how that really became to be but that seems to be par for the course for any holiday where gifts are involved. After all, we are men. We are both cheap and , generally, not very romantic. God forbid that “romance” be forced. Sure, we get “gifts”. Like maybe your girl wears sexy lingerie and begrudgingly lets you hit it from the back. But you know what? The promise of sex , as our gift, is both insulting and boring. If we’re in a relationship and we’re only fucking on holidays , it may be time to look into a new relationship.
This year, my girl and I opted to do our Valentines day a day early. Meaning, we went out to a nice dinner on sunday instead of today. WIN. Good food>>>>Made up love holidays. I’m very thankful to be with a girl who doesn’t buy into this shit to the point where it’s ever an issue. I have friends who are not so lucky.
Now, you single people have it easy. Instead of wallowing in this imposed loneliness, have fun with it! Go out and get some ass! Valentines day is when all the lonely hearts clubs hits the bar to drink away their fake sorrows over being alone. What better time than now to capitalize on getting laid? I’m just saying, if you’re genuinely upset over your situation on this , the most worthless of holidays, do something about it. Trust me , you’re not alone. There’s another dipshit right down the bar , thinking the exact same thing as you. Perhaps you two can exchange genitals? This Valentine’s day, HPV is the gift that keeps giving. Spread love, yo.

So, for all you miserable motherfuckers out there wishing you had someone to cuddle with or wishing the person you were cuddling with would shut the fuck up and leave you alone, this is for you.
Here’s a mix of songs with the word “Love” in the them that aren’t exactly love songs. Ranging from Necro to random 60’s soul music to King Sun to Hank williams, this one covers all sorts of bases.
Personally, I’d like nominate “Love in ya mouth” as the official Valentine’s day theme song for everyone.

Love Shmove Mix
http://www.mediafire.com/?0cob6vd8lbvx6q2
1)Love is a hurtin’ thing: Lou Rawls
2)Lovesick Blues: Hank Williams
3)Love: LoDeck
4)Undercover Lover: King Sun
5)Tainted Love: Gloria Jones
6)Don’t Love you: TV on The Radio
7)Love-buiding onfire: The Talking heads
8)Love Vs. Hate: Brand Nubian
9)Dead and Lovely: Tom Waits
10)Bloody love letter:MF Grimm
11)I’m falling out of love: Skull Snaps
12)Is the any love?: Trevor Dandy
13)Dead love: YZ
14)I love you (you know I don’t): The Frogs
15)Love in ya mouth: Kilo Ali
16)Thin line between love and hate: Necro
17)The hate that love made: NYOIL
18)Ohh, We love you Rakeem: PRince Rakeem (The RZA)