Monthly Archives: May 2011

Answers for questions vol. 37

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Well, I’m all memorial day-ed out. What better way to be then to answer questions asked by you. As always, send new questions to: phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them below in the comments. I’m also taking “Advice” questions. Basically, send whatever you got.

How financially bound are you to making new music?

Well, it’s my job. It’s all I do. So, I’m pretty bound to it. If I were to stop making music, I’d imagine I’d have to take my one year of college education and find some sort of horrible job that would no doubt take a dump in my soul. So, yeah, fingers crossed that that doesn’t happen anytime soon.

What inspired you to start a blog?

I’ve always liked writing, so I guess that’s where it really started. Creative writing was really the only thing I excelled in when I was in high school. Spelling and grammar, not so much.
But all this blog bullshit started back on MySpace. I had a personal page (separate from my music page) where I would write rants about whatever I was feeling that day. People started following it and enjoying it so that kinda fueled me to keep going. Eventually, I had like 3 years worth of written things. Some of them genuinely funny and some of them totally worthless. Around that time, Definitivejux.net was starting to put of lots of original material on their web page. They asked me to write a weekly blog for them and I agreed. I pretty much just recycled my Myspace blogs for a while until I ran out and started writing new stuff. Once Myspace died, I focused strictly on the Def Jux blog. After enough people told me I should make my own blog, I did. And that’s what Phat friend in. I pretty much reposted all the blogs I’ve written for Jux and added on ever since.

What’s more important to you when listening to a hip hop track, beat quality or lyrical skills? (shitty rapper over great beats or dope rapper over not so great beats)

If the rapper is next level great, I can listen to him on a wack beats. But that’s rare. If the beat is next level great
but the rapper is wack, I’ll peep it but probably not wanna revisit it down the line. I find that good rappers have more shelf life than just a dope beat.

Does shit like this really go down in NYC and do people actually just go about their business and ignore it?

I’m afraid so. It’s pretty rare though. I’d say creeps jerking off on trains is way more common. Back in the day, the F train going into queens was notorious for public masturbator. I knew like 4 different girls who would be coming home from school and look up to see some low life jerking his shit off while staring at them. Honestly, shoe licking is way more harmless than that.

If you had the chance to be born anywhere else in the world and experience growing up in a completely different culture where would it be?

Probably some other major city in Europe. Paris or Barcelona. Somewhere where the food is great (that’s really my main concern). But those two places also seem to be chock full of beautiful women, open minds and that certain kind of euro freedom that might lead to lots of random sex in a wine vineyard .

Since you will most likely use this after May 21st, what is something you’d like to say to all the people who truly believe the world is gonna end?
Oh man….Soooooo satisfying. Anytime some religious bullshit promise backfires (which is often) I get a pep in my step. Honestly, anyone who sold off their belongings or actively made plans around the rapture deserves what they got. In a way, their stupidity was it’s very own mini-rapture on their worthless lives. God is good!

Who is one dead historical figure you’d like to shoot the shit with?

Hmm…I’m not much for history. Meaning, I’m ignorant of most historical happenings pre-1976. So, I’ll say Macho man Randy savage. He’s pretty fucking historically relevant to me.

Do you live with regret?
Oh fuck yes. I can honestly say all my regrets stem back to pussy i should have gotten from the age of 15-22. I was a clueless kid back then and when I think of missed opportunities, it makes me wanna slam my face into a wall. Seriously. That shit NEVER goes away. I can pretty much guarantee I will be on my death-bed kicking myself about how I should have tried to make out with Erika Haliwell in 10th grade. She totally wanted it and I pussed out. Her ass was epic. Even typing that shit makes me mad. And there are like 100 other instances like that I could pull out at any time. Ughh…goddamnit…

Where is one place other than your apartment, where you feel at home?

My mom’s place. Where I grew up. She’s done a lot of remodeling work to that apartment since I left (15 years ago) but I’ll always feel perfectly settled there.

Goblin: Wack, or wack as fuck?
A bit presumptuous aren’t we? The publics desire to determine everything as either great or terrible really annoys me. The truth of the matter is that most things are simply mediocre. Being truly great or terrible isn’t easy. That said, “Goblin” is…OK. It’s got some good songs on there, it’s got some crap. It’s certainly not an album that shows much growth from Tyler but he still manages to be interesting at times. My two biggest gripes are that he needs to get off that self referential tip. The less his music sounds like his twitter feed, the better. My other gripe is that he needs to work on his beats. I think he’s got really interesting ideas but he needs some new sounds. Both instrument and drum.
The way I see it, he’s a talented dude and has tons of room to grow. He’ll eventually get over all this dumb shit he’s into now and make some really fantastic music. I say this cause I know he’s not dumb. He’s just immature on many levels right now. It’ll also be nice to see how he responds once the hipster heat wears off a little and he can just do what he feels, instead of thinking about a crowd full of new jack fans yelling “swag” at him like puppets.

I had this pointless argument the other day with my dad and we had different opinions, but I figured you might have some input. If you put a silverback gorilla and a grizzly bear in a cage who would win?

Shit…That’s a tough call. Thanks to the help of google, I’ve learned that Grizzly bears are much bigger but I feel like the gorillas might be stronger. You know what? I’m probably wrong but I’m rooting for the gorilla. They’re smarter so perhaps he’d outwit the dumb ass bear.

what podcasts do you listen to? i started with bill simmons a long time ago, but he’s hit or miss these days. feel the same about corrolla. you?

Tv shows?

I’ve been heavy into podcasts lately. I fuck with Bill Simmons a little bit. Mostly, I listen to comedy ones though…
Wft with Marc Maron is awesome if you like to hear comedians explain why they’re crazy. I love that shit and I’m always curious about what goes through the mind of stand ups. It’s fascinating.

Doug loves movies is dope. It’s just Doug benson talking about movies with other actors and comedians.

I peep Joe Rogan’s popcast sometimes if the guests interest me. I don’t dislike Rogan but I don’t think I could listen to a whole show of just him talking.

My faaaavorite of all though is Comedy death ray/Comedy bang bang. The host, Scott aukerman is kind of a dork but the guests are amazing. They do lots of improv with hilarious characters. That’s my shit right there.

I used to listen to tons of Lovelines so , I’m pretty burnt out on Adam Corrola. He’s great a ranting but he’s also super annoying and has shitty opinions.

As for TV shows, I watch a lot. I’m a bit of TV watcher. I watch shit like the Killing and Treme all the way down to the real world. I honestly couldn’t begin to list it all out.

If technology suddenly disappeared one day, how would you fill your time?

I would roam the land searching for things to jerk off too.

The Fear Factor

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I was talking with some friends the other day about how New York City has changed over the years. While this is well worn conversational territory, both of them were from other places and were asking about how things were back in the day before the Williamsburbs and downtowns “cornification”. Many things can be said of NYC and how it’s changed for the worse over the the last 20 plus years. It’s ridiculously expensive. Every old store/bar/restaurant is being shut down to open a Starbucks/chase bank/duane reade. It’s full of people who just moved here who, in general, completely suck. The aforementioned downfall of formally vibrant neighborhoods in brooklyn and downtown Manhattan. While all these are true, I like to point the blame at one thing that made this all possible. Safety. Yes, NYC is pretty fucking safe. Sure, they’re are some neighborhoods you don’t wanna go to at night but they’re either far out of the way from anything or slowly being gentrified.
I remember when Giuliani first came into office, there was a sudden and noticeable change. People started getting fucked with more over little things like public drinking or smoking weed on a stoop. Quotas began to get filled and crime definitely was on the down swing. While this was nice in a way (I certainly don’t miss the fear of being robbed all the time) it seemingly opened the doors for the wrong people to move here. These are people who , 5 years earlier, would be the type to say “It’s a great place to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live there”. That mind set from out of towners is what filtered out the people who belonged here and the people who didn’t. If you didn’t wanna deal with an extremely busy metropolis with an air of danger no matter where you were, you didn’t move her. All of sudden, things got safer and that started to mess with the filter of who would be willing to live here. It opened the doors for people to come here and act like shit was sweet all the time cause there was no one checking them on it.

At first, it wasn’t a big deal cause the people moving in were picking neighborhoods that wouldn’t be effected. The Upper east side , for instance, was already pretty wack so the influx vertical striped shirt wearing of stock brokers wasn’t hurting anything. At this point, something is happening that is truly depressing. All these people who looooooove New York and just wanna be in the mix, decide they want to move to a cool neighborhood. Somewhere like the lower east side. full of cool bars, great food and a wide assortment of different races and cultures. This, on paper, is fine. Cause they have ever right to be there. However, once they move in, they realize
“Hmm…I don’t appreciate how loud it is around here at night! I have to work tomorrow Why is it so dirty? Ewww…RATS! I’m gonna complain about that…”
Slowly but surely, these people, who moved into these neighborhoods to be cool in the first place, decide they’d like to alter the neighborhood they chose to live in (that’s been that way since before they were playing lacrosse in junior high school) to fit what they consider to be a cool place that fits there needs. All the while, they could have had exactly that had they just moved into a more fitting neighborhood in the first place. This results in places that have thrived in that neighborhood for decades shutting down cause of constant police harassment or greedy landlords who are trying to appease the new neighbors. Eventually, that once awesome hood will be no different than Murray Hill or Bleecker Street. I see a time in my life where Queens will be the coolest part of NYC. how fucked up is that?

The other day I was on a train coming home around midnight. There was about 5 loud , drunken norwegian people being really obnoxious and basically commanding the train car. All I could think about was “Man, it would be so awesome if some dude slapped the shit out of them and told them to shut the fuck up”. Now, I’m not a violent person (IE: I’m a pussy) , so it wasn’t gonna be me. But NYC needs those types more than ever. There was a time when citizens would self govern on that level. The same people who bought that air of fear to the streets pre-Giuliani. But, in a way, they wouldn’t be criminals. They’d be people keeping NYC how it should be. They’d be heroes. You’re welcome to come here, but stay in line and never get too comfortable. That element has long been lost and , in my eyes, it’s the reason NYC has become what it is now.

So, bring back fear. Bring back the roving gangs of thugs whos night out was based around doing nothing but fucking with people. I’d gladly exchange that bit of danger for the way NYC is going now. I mean, I don’t want this place to be like detroit or anything but just enough fear that people who don’t really belong here would gladly move out. Hell, a nice crime wave would probably lower rent all over the place. Who woulda ever thought that safety could be such a bad thing?

Bask in the glory of “Gigolo’s”

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It’s no secret that I’m a connoisseur of terrible television. Particularly, terrible reality TV. However, in recent years, this flame has burned dull as I’m finding it hard to give a shit about some spoiled housewives or some stupid marriage between two people I detest. Even as a “sociological study”, these types of shows often fall short for me. Enter “Gigolo’s”. This show is on showtime and is based around a Las Vegas based male escort service. It follows the lives five men who get paid to sleep with women. Now, in my mind, I’ve always though the straight male escort was either a myth or a person who strictly fucked dried up old housewives. According to the show, I couldn’t be more wrong. No, these men cover a huge spectrum of ladies in their work. Ranging from horny housewives, to couples, to obese cat owners all the way to former “Models” (AKA “not at all ever models”). While there’s a decent part of me that thinks it’s all fake (in fact, I’m pretty sure it is total bullshit), I’ve chosen to ignore those back of the mind murmurings and just fully invest myself in this show.

The show is fairly graphic. Every sex scene is filmed , for better of worse. Occasionally , one of the guys will actually bone a decent looking girl but mostly it’s some off beat freaky shit that is no more sexually arousing than something you’d see on the discovery channel. So, the sex is certainly not the main draw (but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t part of the reason the show is great). No, the main draw of this show is the cast. 5 guys. All very different. All very stupid. All very very very stupid.
Therein lays the reason the show is so good. Have you ever listened to the banter of morons? It’s hypnotic. 5 dim witted guys exchanging weak barbs and sharing the inner most secrets of being a man of the night. As dumb as the majority of reality TV stars are, there’s something special about these guys. They’re truly “everyman”. Like, if you’re ever at a bar, and see a bunch of dumb bro’s sitting over pitchers of beer, watching a college football game and high fiving all the time? These are those guys…but with insanely interesting lives. And , honestly, I’d rather experience those types from a distance (if at all).

Allow me to break them down:

Nick Hawk

Nick is a midwestern sounding moron who’s considered the bad boy of the bunch. He’s got really cool tattoo’s (if you’re heavy into barbed wire and eagle culture). The best part of nick is that he dreams of being a rapper. Yes, a rapper. He claims he’s been rapping for years and he’s the owner of many styles ( a claim that , actually, would liken him to most actual rappers). In his own words “He’s got that gigolo style, got that gigolo swagger”. I’d like to add that, due to his thick Wisconsin accent, the word “swagger” sounds like he’s saying “sway-jer”. It’s awesome. Suffice to say, he’s completely awful at rapping and I’d say the fucking for money thing fits him much better.

Vin Armani

He’s “The black one”. Those aren’t my words. The crew needed a little diversity so they hired the love child of Vin Diesel and popeye jones. Or perhaps a young 7-Up man. When he was introduced to the group, I was shocked to see how openly racist some of these dudes were. I mean, they were like a step away from making weird watermelon references and asking him to teach them to dance.
As for Vin, he seems like a nice enough guy and easily the straightest dude of the bunch. He says he loves women and I believe him. Look out ladies, he’s a kisser!!!!

Steven Gannt

Steven is the down on his luck, single father/former model with a heart of gold. A heart that enables him to have sex with horrific looking strangers for money. He’s painted as the sensitive one who just looking for love . He’s also the gayest man alive. Nothing wrong with that, but it’s the truth. Within moments of seeing him speak, that fact jumps out at you. So much so that it’s kind of amazing that no one on the show has ever mentioned it or even alluded to it.
While steven is supposed to be the nice guy, he’s also a hyper sensitive and grumpy bitch most of the time. But, he will cry and show you pictures of his kid so I’d imagine that holds a lot of weight with whoever he may be fucking on any given night.

Jimmy Dior

Jimmy seems like , by far, the smartest and most grounded of the group. he’s just a dude that likes fucking and getting paid for it. He’s also been in actual gay porn. While this may be surprising, it’s also not at all surprising. I mean, shit, these dudes are obviously scraping the barrel in terms of career paths. Being a male escort has to be a pretty huge step up from getting boned by another man on film. Ask Dustin from the new Real World! he’ll tell you “No regrets”!
Anyway, Jimmy plays guitar , is capable of being kind at funny at times and is just generally likable. Ladies, if you’re ordering cock, he’s your guy.

Brace

Last but not least, Brace. yes, simply Brace. Much like many one named artists before him, he’s one of a kind. He’s the porn equivalent of Skip Bayless. He’s by far the oldest of the bunch. His thick midwestern (or buffalo-ian) accent is undeniable. But Brace has reached a crossroads in his life. At the ripe age of 79 years old (Just a guess), he feels it may be time to hang up his jock strap and start living a normal life. One of substance. After all, the man is spiritual. His house is full of buddha’s and stupid little waterfall thingy’s that idiots use to relax with. He’s also an aspiring business man in the “Vitamin” market. Basically, he’s pretty much promised to die being a male whore…but at least he’s a pro.

So, yeah, if you have showtime, watch this show. It’s great. I think it’s on thursday nights but DVR and on demand exist for a reason. And, ladies, if you’re ever in Vegas looking for love that you can’t find through normal human contact, holler at these dudes. They’ll bone you.

Song of the day 5/25/11

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Pissin’ Razor Blades By Bust Down
http://limelinx.com/files/b94d64a23d297456bd962285a4a37c47

I was contemplating making a mix of songs about getting STD’s but I got way too lazy…and, in my own personal collection, I could only find like 6 or 6 joints. However, the bright side of that half assed search was that I happened upon this little lost gem. Bust down was from New orleans and this came out in 1991. Not a lot of rap coming out of that area at that time. Well, Bust Down was fucking hilarious and definitely on some dirty shit. So, let that be a warning to you. If you’re not into raps about bitches and hoes giving dudes chlamydia , you might wanna skip this one.
(Special shout out to Galvatron over at Philaflava for putting me on to this shit)

Answers for questions vol. 36

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Here’s yet another batch….as always, send new questions , personal advice inquiries and whatever you can think of to phatfriendblog@gmail Or leave them here in the comments. I answer on a first come, first served basis so if you don’t see your question here this week, it’ll probably show up next week. Let’s gooooo…

Do you find that stupid “over-the-top indie rap kids” who ask waaayy to many questions and view the underground as the “only real form of art” are still around, or have they tapered off since you/aesop/def jux/rhymesayers blew up over a decade ago? I guess my question is – are there new, young, kids-with-something-to-latch-onto who have just discovered your guys’ shit and are as corny as the super-obsessed people who got into it in 2002? Or, have fans all aged and just chilled-out over time?

Well, I mean, this blog existing is a pretty good indicator or that. The over the top fan will never die…they just get over it eventually.
The hyper fandom that was going on in Def jux’s hay day has definitely waned. But, the bright side of that is that the people who are left are actual fans. Not just dick riders intrigued by the “new big thing”. It’s similar to what’s going on with Odd Future right now. In a year or two, something new will come along and a large group of their fans will move on. The ones who genuinely loved their shit, will stick around. As for new Vs. old fans, same shit to me. I’ve noticed a slight resurgence in my fan base lately that I think has to do with more touring and a different type of person catching on to the music. Like, I kinda assumed my time for getting 18-21 year olds to like my music had passed but I guess I was wrong about that. Because I’ve been touring with slightly more electronic based acts, a whole new scene has heard about my music and accepted it. It’s pretty cool (and kind of surprising). I’m certainly not complaining (even if it does lead to there being drugged out hula hoopers that look like rainbow brite on dust at some of my shows).

I know we’ve discussed your preference for porn, but is your ladyfriend down with porn (as far as the fun, silliness of it all)? I know it’s TOTALLY different with women, but I’ve had delightful viewings with my wife where we pretty much just crack jokes the entire time. It’s awesome.

She definitely tolerates it. She’s not a fan of watching it herself…at all…but it’s not like she’s mad that I use it to jerk off to. I actually think she’s somewhat relieved that the porn I watch is pretty tame and not at all creepy or deranged.

What’d you think of Bynum’s totally pussy move? That was some next-level “I don’t give a fuck and I have no brain… but mainly I have no brain” shit.

It was so fucked up. That whole team really showed their true colors. I’ve always dissed the Lakers cause, well, they’ve been an NBA superpower for so long and they’re from L.A. (and they have Kobe). But that dissing has never been based on anything concrete. I’m glad Bynum did that cause now I can just reference what a fucking baby he and his entire team was when they got dismantled by the Mavs.

I know you’re on that “NY has awesome food from every type of culture” steeze, but is there some type of food that you just refuse to eat? I’m not talking some “cow-brain drizzled in chimp cum” kinda shit… just some fairly common type of shit that you just don’t gel with.

Oh yeah. There’s mad shit I don’t eat. Certainly cow brain and chimp cum would not make my menu (though the protein in that dish would be outstanding). As far as entire cuisines of food, I dunno if there is one I avoid but there are ingredients I don’t fuck with. Beets, liver (including pate) , fruit that has been heated up, raisins on meat, really spicy shit, extremely fishy fish, asian food with nuts in it, and I’m not a huge fan of the mixture of sweet/salty. I like BBQ and salted caramel but , in most cases, I think that kinda thing sucks.

So I asked you this on Twitter but I was real vague I think, and you said you hate Arlene’s but I’ll take another crack at this anyway. I like to go to Arlene’s Grocery because you pay ten bones and hear mostly shit, but whatever because each band only has an hour set anyway. And maybe one of the bands is good, maybe two on a pretty stand out night and that’s good too.

Is there anywhere in New York I can go that has the same thing but with rap music? Where I can hear an MC or a group of them go on every hour and end up hearing four or five in a night? I get now that rappers trying to get out there will be on Myspace and Youtube and shit promoting themselves, but there has to be one place anywhere in New York where I can hear some JV rap shit, no?

FIrst off, I commend your desire to seek out new and unheard music. I thought that kinda mind set died years ago. So, good job on that. Sad to say, but I’m extremely far removed from any sort of live hip hop night in NYC. Even when I was going out a lot , I’ve always avoided those nights. I simply don’t love live music , so it’s just me. That said, There is a night called “End of the weak” , that’s been going on for like 10 years or something. It takes place on sunday’s and , from what I’ve heard, it’s a good place to peep new acts. So, look into that one.

How do you avoid not getting completely sick of a song/album when you can’t help listening to it all the time because it’s awesome? Thoughts please.

I don’t think anyone can avoid that. If you’re the type of person who runs music they like into the ground (I have that tendency as well), then it’s just gonna happen. All I ask is that, after you’ve done that, have the presence of mind to not turn your back on that music cause it’s played out. That’s just being a shitty fan of music.

After seeing that salma hayek pic in your post which btw is some of the best tits in the game, do you consider yourself an ass or tits man? flat ass and perfect tits? no tits at all and perfect ass? which matters most?

I could go either way. As long as one of the two are there, I’m happy.
On a side note, the grossest body a girl can have is a big, boxy body with no boobs and a square, flat ass. That shit is unfortunate.

what is the best way for an independent artist to gain a respectable fan base. Press kit? Self releasing an album? Give away free shit? How was it done back in the 90s? How is it done nowadays? Any advice?

Nowadays, it would appear all bets are off. Certainly, the internet is your friend. I feel like people who have made it (as new artists) without the help of labels are the ones who are taking things into their own hands. Odd Future, Pretty Lights, Bass Nectar (and even bullshit ass Mac Miller) are all artists who were cool with just giving music away , doing tons of shows and letting the fan base find them. So, yes, giving away music is a must. But also, making interesting music is still of the upmost importance. You just gotta hope it catches on somewhere and the word spreads.
As for back in the day, we used to make demo’s that we’d have hopes of giving to record label executives but the reality of it is, that didn’t work that well either. People would do “showcases” where a bunch of artists would perform for people in the industry. I’m sure people got signed off those but everyone I ever went to was depressing and made me never wanna do live music again.
It’s funny cause I got my whole start in this by selling shit on the internet. Before Mp3’s existed. I was slangin’ aesop cd’s online.

am I missing out on anything by holding out on Twitter?
Hmm…tough question. I mean, as a follower of people, you read tons of funny shit. It certainly gives you insights to people you might otherwise not have. Some people I’ve never liked are actually pretty funny while others I have always respected are complete morons (word of advice, don’t follow most rappers. They’re the worst at twitter).
As a tweeter, that’s a different question. If you’re just joining and thinking “now the world can hear my very thought!” , be warned that no one cares. Most new twitter joiners don’t realize that if no one is following you, no one is reading your tweets. This results in what is basically a person yelling into a mirror.
But yeah, twitter is fun. I don’t think I would have ever joined if i wasn’t planning on using it for promotional use (even though like 95% of my tweets are about my bowel movements and pop culture jokes).
It’s a good time killer. It’s good for hearing breaking news. It’s good for hearing completely false rumors. So, if those kinda things interest you, go for it.

RIP Randy “the Macho Man” Savage

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I realize this is slightly delayed but, what can I do? I dedicate my weekends to deep prayer , my clown school classes and bikrim masturbation , so there’s really no time to write.

So, I got off a plane on friday to find out The Macho man had died. While this news was not totally shocking, it is always odd when a staple of your childhood passes away.

When i was a kid, I was a huge Wrestling fan. Not even in the “I loved Hulk Hogan” sense. No, I was that fucking asshole buying wrestling magazines and following the obscure federation like the AWA and where ever the Von Erich brothers wrestled. I’d stay up and watch the NWA on TBS cause I felt it was “rawer” than the WWF. Yes, I was once a purist snob about fucking pro wrestling. Still, I did love the WWF. Like most kids, I was a huge Ultimate warrior and Jake the snake fan but in my top five was certainly Randy “Macho Man” Savage. Partially for his electrifying ring antics but also cause he confused the shit out of me. Was he retarded? Did he have Bobcat Goldthwait disease? He was a man in a rainbow cowboy hat , adorned in tassels ,who spoke as if he was pushing out a shit the size of his own thick, vein covered neck. But I was fascinated. Looking back, it really takes an inventive person to come up with such a character. I mean, there will never be anything like him in sports. He was truly one of a kind.

For my 10th birthday , I strong armed my mom into taking me a few friends to see a WWF card at Madison Square Garden. The Main event was Macho Man Vs. Andre the giant. At that point, Macho man was a fan favorite and world champ, while Andre the Giant was a heel. My friends and watched the under card fights with baited breath, just waiting to see our boy Macho Man in action. Finally the time came and the crowd erupted, as Macho Man walked out to his theme music with her arms spread in the air, looking like a wombat that ran into a gay flag. I honestly don’t remember much about the match. I mean, it was a non-televised MSG match , and belts never changed hands unless it was seen on TV or Pay-per-view. I knew this at the time so the outcome was secondary to the show. I think Macho Man won by DQ but I do recall , at some point, Andre the Giant chocking him out with the ropes (after the match had been decided) and forcing him to say “Andre the Giant is the new world champion” over and over again. For some reason, it had a rapey vibe to it and was somewhat uncomfortable to watch. I mean, if he could get him to say that shit, why not just sodomize him right there? Shit was that real in the ring, yo.

I’d also like to add that the Macho Man had the hottest girl in wrestling (before ACTUAL hot girls started getting involved) in Miss Elizabeth. She wore gowns and was “elegant”. Kinda like a child from a beauty pageants but older and more on cocaine. But the Macho Man held her down like a good man does. I could be wrong , but I think she died at some point and they replaced her with some other elegant whore. If that is the case, it’s nice to know that macho man is probably sitting in space heaven , Listening to a twisted sister/eminem mash up album, snapping a slim jim and cupping Miss Elizabeth’s long dead ass cheek.

And with that, I leave the legacy of the man that was Macho…oohhhhh YEAHHHHHH!





Corey Haim: Me, Myself and I.

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I was listening to some podcast last night where they mentioned the existence of these videos. I was kinda disappointed with myself for completely missing the boat on there clips up until now.
Before you get all weepy that these clips involve a dead person, let’s never forget that Famous people die.
If you’re willing to laugh at or make fun of someone when they’re alive, I don’t see why that should end when die. Especially, concerning people who were complete strangers to you and famous.
So, yeah, this is a video Corey Haim made in the 80’s shortly after he was a huge star. I’d venture to guss this is right after his star flame began to flicker and he was trying to transition from “Likable dork” to “Cool guy sex symbol”. It’s safe to say he was doing some good drugs as well.
There are far too many great quotes in these clips but , please, take the time and enjoy them all. (Btw, the first part is the most boring so don’t be put off by that)

Part 1: Sporty Haim
My personal highlights:
1)His “Haimster” hockey Jersey.
2)What a total dickhead he is when he had a pair of ice skates on.
3)3:39
4)His smug description of how to play baseball well.
5) the final 3 seconds of blissful faux wiggardry.


Part 2: License to drive, bro.
My personal highlights:
1) Due to lack of obvious content on the subject, it’s basically just a video of him driving around like an asshole with the top down. Needs more “hair flapping in the wind” shots.
2) His pre-interview interview really gives a nice look into what a complete cock sucker we’re dealing with here.
3)5:26-5:5:31 could be the opening to a chickenhawk porn.
4)The size of the crew involved to make this piece of shit may be the funniest thing about it.
5)John Ritter being his hero. “Furly!”.
6)His music. So good. Even better when described by him.


Part 3: A man and his music/fashion
Personal highlights
1)Right off the bat, his taste in musical genres (that never existed ever)
2) His “inner Rhythm”.
3) The crew egging him on to make a fool of himself. It’s appreciated.
4)The blatant coke fueled self description at 4:45
5)His twist on Flava Flav’s “YEaaaaahhhh Boyeeee” into “Yeah boys”. Which adds nicely to the under aged gay porn vibe of the whole thing.
6) Of course, the description of his kissing style. Dolphins are involved.
7) The brutal irony of 8:35.


Part 4:The wrap up
My personal highlights:
1) The ode to his dead stuffed animal. Though, it explains a lot.
2) More cautionary tales told by a living (at that time) cautionary tale.
3)The story of what made him want to be an actor…which consists of some director whose name he doesn’t recall telling him he was good.

RIP to the gawd Haim, but don’t be mad that he’s just as unintentionally funny dead as you were alive.

Song of the day 5/18/11

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White worst By Billy Woods

http://limelinx.com/files/0dfca4fd86d691fee99decaa1dc8c7ad

I’m pretty late to the game on this whole scene right here. So, I figure if I am, than there’s a good chance lots of you have never even heard of it. Billy Woods is a Brooklyn based rapper who was part of a group called Super Chron Flight Brothers. In the past two weeks, I started checking both Billy and SCFB out and, I gotta say, it was a bit overwhelming. It’s hard to really digest that much new music so I’ve been slowly making my way through it. It’s strange. It’s got an urgency to it. I like the direction the producers are going. Overall, it’s really dope. So, here’s a taste. I’d highly suggest you go on youtube and find some more songs to get a better idea of what this crew is doing. It’s some really interesting stuff that is as far from typical as it gets, nowadays.
If you can, peep the mixtape for which I took the picture above from. It’s a good entrance into the whole scene.