If I made the Black Eyed Peas Video game


Earlier this week I was alerted of the upcoming existence of a video game based on the Musical group The Black Eyed peas. My first reaction was to tweet about it (cause really, things like this are what twitter was invented for)…and I wrote these two real quickly:
So, the Black eyed peas are gonna have their own video game. Definitely looking forward to the level where you comb the indian one’s hair.

Black Eyed peas video game level two: Help Will.I.AM Fellate a grammy statue. Level 3: The search for Fergie’s actual age.

The more I thought about it, the more I felt like I could design a whole video game based on the music and overall vibe of this group. So, even though there is a game ready to hit the shelves (it may even be out now), here are my ideas for what the Black Eyed Peas game should be.

The Black Eyed Peas: Let’s get retarded (in here)
Ages 2-4 Rated G
The characters:

Will.I.AM.: He is the leader of the Peas.
His powers include: shamelessness, ability to cloak himself if outfits made for club kids from the future who’s brain stopped working decades ago after years of drug abuse, and writing songs with the intent for them to be played during sporting events.

Special move: If he massages his throat in the right why, his mouth ejaculates vomit…but this vomit is magical vomit as it is invisible and you can only hear it.


Fergie: The Second in command/tits n’ ass
Special powers: Her body never ages so she’s remains flexible and quick (though, her faces ages quite rapidly), the ability to make men of lower value think she’s highly attractive, and she’s able to sing in the sense of loud yelling that’s not technically out of tune.

Special move: when singing, her “OH no you didn’t!” Whig hand is able to reach such speeds, she can fly.


Apl.de.Ap : Weed carrier

Special powers: Able to lift both fergie and Will.I.AM’s luggage with minimal stress on his back, His mohawk makes him quite wind resistant , and he’s capable of making two really solid traditional filipino meals (but can only do so while pretending to be part mexican/black)

Special move: Invisibility


Taboo: Mystic warrior/shaman/weed carrier

Special powers: His hair is his strength so he is unbeatable in a cat fight, His undistinguishable race allows him to fit in everywhere he goes yet always seem slightly more cultured than everyone he meets, and his vogue moves are deadly.

Special move: He whips his hair back a forth.

Okay, so now that you know the characters, here are my ideas for the levels:

Level 1) The search for the perfect hook
In this level, the gang wanders through a studio looking for inspiration for the “perfect hook”. While the other three sit in the green room playing pool and drinking red bull, WIll.I.AM tirelessly scrolls through his Itunes in search of the right song to rip off. You’re job, as the gamer, is to help him scroll.

Level 2)The writing process
Once the hook has been captured. It’s time to write the song. The gang sets out on the streets looking for the most brain damaged 8 year old they can find. Using their super powers, they locate him and then shake him down for lyric ideas. This level gets a touch violent, but such is the life of a Pea.

Level 3) Choreography
Now, you might think that recording the song might come after writing it but No. This game is true to life. Even before the song has been committed to recording, the gang must up the ante and create dance moves. This level is where Apl. and Taboo really shine. Using real human censor controllers that I’m assuming your video game system already has, you create the dances as those characters. Anything will do. Karate Chops, the huckle buckle, the running man…anything. Just be weary cause Will.I.Am is watching you closely and if you dawdle to much, he will release the hounds on you.

Level 4)Recording
Once the dance is to Will’s liking,it’s time to hit the studio. Using your controllers, you guide Will’s hand through whatever was popular in music three weeks ago and try and emulate that exact sound. This could range from Auto-tune to Dub step to country music. Once you choose the “right” “effect”, whoever is playing fergie is put in the booth. The power in which she sings is dependent on how fast you can mash the buttons. The more mashing you can do, the better the vocal take.

Level 5) Soul cleanse
This is the level where all the Peas go their separate way for the night. Depending on who you’re playing, you will have a different adventure. If you’re playing WILL.I.AM, you go to a club and fuck some 18 year old right before quietly crying yourself to sleep on a pile on money. If you’re fergie, you go home to your husband and ask him where he’s been all night, while fighting off the “Meth monsters” living inside your dressers top drawer). IF you’re the other two, it doesn’t matter cause no one is picking those characters. We’ll figure something out for them…maybe they go play more pool and then get a bite to eat. Who gives a shit?

Level 6) The label labyrinth
Once the team is reunited, they must travel to the record label and present them the new song they just made. This is not as easy as it sounds as they must make their way through all sorts of small talk with ass kissing bottom feeders. Once they reach the final destination, they play the label guy the song.

Level 7)The Big payoff
This is the final level. It’s them against the big boss. The only difference is that big boss is really jovial and not at all threatening. The gang plays him 15 seconds of the new song , he stops it and tells them “It’s a hit!”. But he then orders the Peas to a dance off to the death. Whoever can break it down the hardest wins. This is actually the most busy part of the game for whoever is playing it. Hell, you might even break a sweat. The winner is decided by the amount of drool and sperm it makes the label head generate. Once those fluids overflow out of his golden goblet, the winner is crowned and the game is over. Roll credits.

so, yeah…I like it…anyone wanna invest? If not, I guess we could skip all those other parts and just make the whole thing a dance contest. I’m sure that’s what the actual game is anyway.

Song of the day 6/29/11


Sunshower By Dr. Buzzard’s Original Savannah Band
http://limelinx.com/files/bb60de3440cdf337eda78f536f38f7ce
I’m not gonna lie. The last three days have been brutal for me. I came down with a bad stomach bug and have been laying in bed trying not to move , except when I’d need to run to the toilet. Not only did I vomit for the first time in over 10 years but ,on some TMI shit, I even did the Crap/barf combo in unison once. I’m not proud of that but, hey, such is the realities of life, bro. Anyway, today is the first day I can feel myself getting back to normal. I’m still a bit sensitive in the gut but I think I’ll be able to eat more than a dry bagel. In honor of that, I give you this song.It’s like an awakening of sorts. Whenever I hear this song, it reminds me of the first day of spring…or the first day out of a flu when I’m not pissing out of my anus. Either way, it’s a song of rebirth. Enjoy.

Good new(ish) rappers: A compilation


It’s been a while since I made a compilation of music for your listening pleasure. So, this is that. In honor of my recent realization that , to my surprise, hip hop still has some life in it, I made a compilation of some of the new(ish) artists I’ve been bumping lately. Granted, if you read this blog regularly, most of these names should be known to you…in fact, I might have very well given away some of these songs already on this very blog. But, whatever…It’s a compilation of who I feel are up and comers and/or the next school of rappers I could see making a big difference in the near future…
Let’s see who we got.
First, here’s the mix:
http://www.mediafire.com/?p875oonfqqeve46
Now, here’s the run down of the tracklisting:

1)Hip No Ties: Intuition and VerBS
Two talented dudes out of L.A. who are also solo artists. I threw this one on here cause I wanted to get them both in there.

2)James: Skipp Coon and Mr. Nick
I honestly don’t know much about these dudes except they’re from down south and put out a great ep called “Sophomore Slump” on available bandcamp. Skipp Coon is just one of those rappers that feels like an old soul. He may be in his early 20’s but you’d never know (to be clear, i have no clue how old the guy is, i’m just saying).

3) An Echo from the hosts that profess infinitum: Shabazz Palaces

Shabazz Palaces is a new group but not a new artist. Ish (formerly Butterfly of Digable planets) has returned with a new style and harder edge then when he was with Digable. He’s the rare case of a older rapper who grew with the times without adhering to the unnaturally.

4)23’9: Billy Woods

I can honestly say that Billy Wood’s music is what’s playing the most in my Ipod right now. He’s not exactly new, but i feel like his solo shit is about to make noise. From Brooklyn by way of all the fuck over the place, Woods beings me back to the glory days of Def Jux mixed with some straight up Brooklyn shit. I think what I like about him is that he’s both intelligent, off center and not a pussy. Those three qualities will get you far as a rapper….not to mention he’s got a great voice that grabs the listeners attention.

5)Huzzah: Mr. Muthafuckin’ Exquire

I discovered this dude like two weeks ago and I feel like he’s on the verge of becoming a really big deal. Exquire is funny, rude and an mc in the purest way. I had the pleasure of meeting him recently and I’m hoping we’re gonna get some music done together in the future.

6)Drop : Earl Sweatshirt

Yes, we all know who Earl is. As big as Odd Future has gotten, let us not forget what really got the ball rolling. This kid is rapping prodigy. So much that I felt like his existence wasn’t even real. how could a 16 year old kid beTHAT good? Well, he is…and he’s MIA so we don’t even know what’s gonna happen to him in the future. Luckily, he got an EP out before he bounced. If he takes what he has a matures, the sky is the limit for this kid.

7)Hey Chuck: Selfsays

Selfsays is from Detroit. He’s one of those rappers that perked my ears up immediately when I first heard him. He’s clever and smooth with his delivery. He definitely brings to mind a young Breezley Bruin and that’s never a bad thing.
I hear he’ll be getting some new music out soon, including a few tracks with me…Good shit.

8)Jazzmatazz: Jay Electronica

Jay is no new rapper. But, until he puts out an album (which is a reality that remains to be seen), he’s new to me. Basically, I’m just like everyone else awaiting an album with impossibly high standards to live up to…but whatever. He’s just a great all around rapper. As long as he doesn’t forget that, everything should be OK when the album drops…in 2015 or whenever.

9)The Essence: Homeboy Sandman

He’s another guy who certainly no new rapper but , to me, it’s pretty current. I’ve been hearing his name for years and just never got around to checking him. I’m glad I did cause his album “The good Sun” is my shit.

10)Camera day: Zeroh

I know nothing about this guy except he’s from california and can rap well. There’s something kinda Andre 3000ish about him but I don’t think he’ll be singing show tune raps anytime soon…so that’s good.

11)Nightmares: Open Mike Eagle

Mike is in the crew Swim Team and has one of the more refreshing styles to come out in quite some time. He sings, he talks, he raps…but it all sounds good. So good, in fact, the cleverness of his lyrics an often get lost. He’s definitely one of my favorite rappers currently doing it.

12)Outer space: Danny Brown

Last, but not least, is Detroit’s Danny Brown. Easily one of the most entertaining rappers to me right now. He’s just a funny motherfucker and pops shit on any track he’s on. Imagine a hyped up Young Zee.
Brown can rap well no matter how you slice it. I’m very excited to see where he goes with his career. He’s signed to Fool’s Gold records so hopefully we’ll be getting some new music from him in the near future.

Because I’m a curious person (and I’ve been enjoying making polls lately) , I’m interested to see who you all are feeling the most out of these artists. So, vote you motherfucker!

Answers for questions vol. 41


Hello everyone. You know, the drill, if you have more random questions or any “Dear Dr. Tony” advice type inquiries, send them to phatfriendblog@gamil.com or leave them in the comments below. And now, on with the show…

Really interested in some of your opinions on the people you balled with. Who was noteworthy in either their niceness or wackness? I feel like Adrian Grenier could be secretly nice at ball.

Ah, to refresh, here’s my list of semi famous people I’ve randomly played ball with over the years:
1)Michael Rappaport
He was good. Way bigger than I thought he would be. I definitely got the vibe that he was a guy who played a lot when he was younger but was rusty.

2)Ethan Hawke
Terrible. Like a chicken with his head cut off and one of those dudes who I was worried to get near to on the court cause his lack of b-ball IQ might lead to accidentally injuring other people. It was amusing to hear all the kids from the projects call him funny names though. “Yo, I got Gattaca!” or “Who’s guarding ‘before sunrise’?”

3)Peter Berg
He was mad intense. I don’t recall him being good or bad. I think he had a decent shot though. BUt his desire to win was strong. He definitely moved the ball around a lot and was talking the whole time. I’d imagine he’d be annoying to play with but playing against him was fine.

4)Josh Saviano (“Paul” from the wonder years)

I played with Josh for years (wonder years, you could say) before realizing he was who he was. He was not a particularly great offensive player but he knew where to be and would hit a shot now and then. He was a tenacious defender though and I actually didn’t look forward to him guarding me ever.

5)Ad rock

He’s fun to play with. He’s certainly not great but he has a good time while he plays and hits some hilarious shots. His “top of the key one leg kicking out fade away” shot is shockingly consistent.

6)MCA

Super nice dude. Not very good at ball though. He doesn’t pass much and does everything super slow so he has tons of turnovers. Also, Both he and Ad Rock were shorter than I expected.

7)Joakim Noah

I played with him at the park once when he was like 15. He was tall as fuck and not playing that hard. Honestly, he kinda sucked (for his size) at that time but that could be more about him not trying than anything else. One thing was for sure though, he was kind of a dickhead. It may have been just teenaged petulance but he was certainly not good vibes.

8)Frank Whaley (The guy who gets shot in “Pulp Fiction” after Sam Jackson gives his famous biblical speech)

Terrible. He personified “Little white dork” on the court.

9)Bobbito Garcia

Bobbito can definitely ball. He doesn’t pass at all and does some of those dumb and1 dribble tricks during games but his shot is lights out and he’s pretty hard to guard.

10)Brandon Sexton III

I don’t remember him that much. I do recall him not being anything special and seeming less than average athletically. It was a long time ago though, so who knows?

11)Adrian Grenier

Adrian and I actually played on a urban league team together (we’ve known each other since a little after high school) one year. Our team was called “Ham sandwich” and we were terrible. He’s kind of more on the hippy side of things and never really played sports growing up. That shows in his game. That said, he can hit a shot here and there and was more athletic than I would have guessed. He basically plays like any kid who went to art school. I think, had he been more obsessed with ball at a younger age, he might have been pretty good.

Who are some of your favorite acts (bands, musicians, producers) to see live? Do you see live music much at all? What do you try and do while playing live that is different from your studio work?

Honestly, I’m pretty much done with live music. I don’t know if it’s cause I do shows or I’m just too old to want to stand there but it just doesn’t appeal to me. I think part of it is, most of the live shows I would go to are rap and rap shows are fucking boring. There’s a small hand full of acts that can put on a great show (FYI, Aesop is actually great live) but outside of them, I just don’t feel a drive to go to shows anymore. Also, recorded music always sounds better to me and I’d rather have control over what I’m listening to.

As for my live show…it’s pretty different from my studio work in that it’s more upbeat and pretty quirky. It’s basically like taking all my albums, throwing them in a blender and adding all sorts of other music ranging from hip hop, to old soul to 80’s shit. My live set is very referential. On one hand, you can dance to it but on the other, you can nerd out in the back and just try and catch as much shit as you can cause I’m constantly throwing little pieces of random songs in there. It’s certainly not visually impressive (just a man , his computer and launch pad) but it sounds cool.

1) What are your thoughts on cars being specific to chicks or guys? Example: Miata = Gay Guy or Chick car
2) Let’s say that a friend of yours just bought a car that you believe to be predominately driven by chicks, do you say something to him?
What was your first car and how long did it last?

I can answer these three with a big “N/A”. I don’t drive. Never have. I know nothing of car etiquette and what makes one car cool and another a chick car. But, it does sound like someone hurt your feelings in the past and you’re deflecting it onto what kind of car that person may be driving. Let it go. It’s only a car. It’s way easier to make fun of his girlfriend or something.

Have you ever been to a rodeo?

I have not. I’ve never even seen one advertised. I’d be a little curious to check it out though I feel like the crowd at one would make me a little uncomfortable. Something about large groups of people wearing cowboy hats that creeps me out.

I saw that you tweeted earlier about the music scene video getting a million views. awesome vid by the way. how did it come about? the same artist that drew the album cover animated it? did you tell the artist what your vision was for the vid was or was it more of like a, “i kind of want it this way but do your thing man i trust you?”

I wish I had some great story behind this…the truth is, my label contacted me about someone doing an animated video for “The music scene”. They asked if that was ok and I was like “Uh, sure, whatever…” cause, in the past, when they’ve commissioned videos they’ve been fine, but ultimately I didn’t give a fuck. So, I said yes and forgot about it. Five months later I get an email with a link to the video and my jaw hit the floor. It was amazing. Best thing I’ve ever been involved with , visuals wise, by leaps and bounds.
The guy who made it did not do my album artwork but he did interpret it in the video.
So, sadly, I had nothing to do with how cool that video is except for making the song.

Have you even been to DC and what do you think of the city and the music scene there? I’m considering a move next year, what do you think?

I’ve only been to the actual city once and it was for a show. It was fine , I guess. Not much to go on. I’ve been to the suburbs outside of DC a ton though cause my girls grew up in Bethesda. They’ve got good food there but it’s still pretty much just some boring ass suburbs,

What is your favorite pizzeria in NY? Why do you like it?

That’s tough. Right now, South Brooklyn Pizza on 1st ave between 7th and St Marks is my shit. Not only is open till five am 7 days a week but it’s the freshest slice you will ever get. It’s super simple, real italian pizza. They’ve got amazing parmigiana cheese there that they dump on the slices as well as fresh crushed garlic that blows any garlic powder out the water.

What is your favorite LIVE sports moment?

Hmm…I’ve never been to a playoff game before in any sport so I’ve never been to a game of extreme importance. That said, I’ve seen some amazing games. In hindsight, the coolest thing I ever saw was Daryl Strawberry’s first major league at bat (he struck out) but, outside of that, I was at a Knick game about 10 years ago where they won in overtime against the lakers with a buzzer beater shot by Sprewell (I think it was him, it was so long ago, it’s hard to be sure). That was certainly the most exciting thing.

I think its my ADD or something but when im working on music i can newly work for like 20-30 mins at a time. I always have to ake a break. Its extremely rare for me to stay more than an hour straight working on something non stop. Are you the same way?

I’m the opposite. I work till it’s done or don’t work at all. It’s funny too cause I’m totally ADD in many ways but when it comes to making music, I gotta finish what I’m working on. I’m almost OCD about it. The only thing that might stop me is my old ass sampler getting too hot after being on too long and needing time to cool down. That used to happen so much I’d freeze a towel and put it on the “engine” part of my sampler to keep it cool. It actually worked.

This bitch is a mess

By now (if you’re a dork like me who stays on the internet all day) you might be aware of a recent comeback concert that Amy Winehouse did. She was setting off a european tour in Serbia, where ticket prices were about 40 bucks a pop. I’ve been told by my serbian girlfriend that 40 bucks out there is a shit load of money , so those motherfuckers are probably not the type of people you wanna do this in front of:

Brutal. Now, a fun game to play while watching this video is “Guess what she’s on”. While lots of blogs and websites have pointed to alcohol as the culprit, my vote is for heroin. Sure, she probably drank some shit too but with all that arm scratching she’s doing and those dead glazed over eyes, I gotta think she was chilling under the bridge prior to sound check.


After this debacle of a performance, she was booed by the angry crowd and yesterday it was announced the tour would be canceled.

I’d imagine this is the kinda thing a guy like Dr. Drew watches and bashes his head into a wall. Here we have a supremely talented singer with a huge fan base. She’s been a fuck up since she got popular but i feel like a lot of people just look at that as part of her image. Hell, one of her biggest hits is about not going to rehab (which I’m pretty sure she’s done a few times). Anyone who casually reads the internet pop culture sites knows of her trials and tribulations. But lets face it, she’s a junkie piece of shit. I can only go so far, when it comes to famous people and their fucking problems. I’m sure her issues run far and deep. i’m sure all sorts of fucked up things have happened to her during the span of her life. But, there comes a time when you hit rock bottom and you finally get your shit together…or die.
So, my question to you is what does the future hold for Amy Winehouse? How bout a poll about it?

Song of the day 6/22/11


2 Twenty 2’s B/W Twenty two’s By Mr Muthafuckin’ Exquire
http://limelinx.com/files/c223389b56d88c0932b18c0807cc458d

(Just a heads up, the MP3 download is a different song than the one in the video.)

I can’t front. For as much as I talk about most new hip hop sucking, these past two years have been pretty good. I’ve heard all sorts of new rappers that have somewhat restored my faith in this music. From Danny Brown to Open Mike Eagle all the way back to Earl. The only downside, on some pride shit, is that the majoirty of the new artists I’ve been feeling have not been from the New York area, Well, Enter Brooklyn’s Mr Muthafuckin’ Exquire. Besides just being a good rapper in general, i’ve been trying to pinpoint what it is that makes me like this dudes music so much. I think it’s cause he’s slightly weird. It takes me back to the 90’s , in a way, cause that’s when dudes could be both tough and strange without having to dress funny or come up with a gimmick. These were real people. I always wondered what happened to that brand of person. I knew plenty of dudes from the hood who were just as off center in their thinking and original as any over the top art school wierdo I knew. But something must have happened between then and now where it was either no longer cool to be odd or people figured no one is gonna be into their shit unless they make music just like the other people who are more successful. Well, Exquire is the guy. I’m not saying he’s on some space rap shit. Not even close. In fact, he’s more like that funny drunk dude you know who says outlandish shit to your girl. He’s just slightly off center, like a real person. Whatever it is, I appreciate it and it makes for dope music. Peep this dudes shit cause , in a few months, I’m guessing your shitty friends are going to be trying to put you on to him and you can be like “Bro, I’ve BEEN listening to Exquire”.