Bieber be Fuckin’


Listen, I know this whole “virginity” thing is a big deal for young pop stars today. If you’re making music for girls who may or may not be menstruating and you’re under the age of 18, you’re definitely rocking a purity ring. It’s the rules. Only young girls are allowed to be sexualized. Young men can only be sweet , boy next door types with a heart of gold and rainbows and a ken doll groin. But lets not kid ourselves. Bieber be fuckin’. In fact, Bieber BEEN fucking. I know dudes who looked like gargoyles that were getting laid at the age of 14. This dude is basically a pretty little girl with a penis AND he’s rich and famous. To put it in perspective, there is nothing more disgusting than a 13-16 year old boy. All they do is jerk off, eat and shit. If that boy somehow happens to be able to parlay some sex out of a girl, god forbid. That’s a normal kid I’m talking about. Your typical little dude going to school, doing his homework and busting 3-5 nuts daily just to stay balanced. You take that mind set and put it inside the head of a kid with a probable god complex, more money than he knows what to do with and thousands of willing ladies of all ages literally throwing their vagina’s on him, and it’s a wrap. I wouldn’t be shocked if Bieber has had so much sex he’s about to enter that weird “I’m over it” stage where he can only get turned on by strange fetishes. That’s old , weathered pro territory right there. The kinda shit drug addled pro wrestlers in their early 40’s, who live on the road , deal with. Bieber is basically a step away from being Jake “the snake” Roberts in the movie “Beyond the mat”.

I’m sure this comes as no shock to anyone with a shred of intelligence but it needs to be addressed in a public forum. That little shit is still pulling his bullshit purity angle when we all know , in real life, Beiber has fucked more girls that you and me combined. Honestly, I don’t believe he’s even religious. how can a person both follow the word of the bible and at the same time have a swagger coach? Yes, this kid has a swagger coach. That is, a person who teaches him how to have swagger. I know…I wanted to jump off a bridge too when I read that. I’m not a religious man but I just don’t see how you can closely follows the word of the lord while also upholding your swag. I mean, I guess you could have virgin swag but that kinda cancels it out. Virginity is kind of the opposite of swagger.

I’d like to imagine that the beibz goes into his swagger class , textbook in hand. The coach sits him down and the first thing he teaches him is “Get laid”. Nothing gives a person more natural calmness and confidence like just getting laid. Bieber is a 17 year old kid. His hormones are working on overdrive. I’m sure he’s jerked off with tooth paste out of desperation by this point so you throw some pussy in his face and he’s taking it. Hell, he’s been coached to take it.

Not to mention, he’s dating that girl Selena Gomez, She’s a former (current?) disney broad and we all know how those hoes get down. Disney actresses are like the catholic school girls of the entertainment industry. They’re created to rebel against their pure image. They may appear clean but more likely than not, if they’re not having tons of normal sex, they’re AT LEAST taking it in the ass (you know, to preserve the godly hole for their first husband or whoever).

I’m not naive. Neither are you. No one in their right mind thinks these purity rings actually mean anything. I don’t even know if Bieber wears one. If he does, there’s a good chance he’s lost a few inside some girls. I did some youtube research to see what the deal was but all I found were E! news clips and people commenting on how “Kissing, hugging and having fun” doesn’t equal them being impure. These people are obviously forgetting what being that age and having genitals was like. If you look at pictures of these two together at the beach, they can’t keep their hands of each other. You think that stops when the doors shut? Trust that, once alone, there is a whole lot of awkward finger banging, lame blow jobbing and short sex sessions popping off. The way it should be for two people their age.

7 thoughts on “Bieber be Fuckin’

  1. one of the funniest things i’ve heard in a while- my friend knows some girl whose cousin went to a party that justin bieber was at, and she saw him on a couch smoking a blunt and fingering two girls at once.

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