Ask Dr. Tony Vol. 3

It’s once again time for me to hand out advice to people dumb enough to ask me for it. As usual, I must warn that I’m not a licensed anything and I can barely read BUT I have been known to give some good honest advice concerning matters of the heart. If you have more questions like the ones below, send them to Like my homegirl Lucy from Peanuts, The doctor is always in.
Anyway, on to the questions:

hey i can’t believe i’m writing this shit but there i go… two years ago i was dating this girl (who lived 30 seconds from me) and everything was awesome, but i used to get a lot of pussy and didn’t feel like starting a relationship. i kinda acted like an asshole and she was pretty much disappointed and finally she moved to another country (not because of me). however i tried not to lose her, cause i knew she was cool. so, we kept writing lots and we talked often via skype too. i was dating random girls parallel, but i realized that she is the one i want to be with and stopped doing it. since one month ago she lives closer to me (300km!!) and i am seriously wondering if we should take a serious decision or forget about it. i mean, otherwise we are wasting our time. the problem is that i have to stay in this fucking city cause i’m doing this arts degree here and that means having this distance for 3 years, what kind of shit is. i’m confused cause girls are easy in this city and i’m just rejecting them, that means something i guess. so the main question is: does it have sense to start a relationship from zero with someone who lives far from you. i mean, not having much time to spend together… but also not trying it it’s fucking sad.

I got two points to make here:
1) Whenever there is a case of a guy who once dated a girl, treated her like shit and then later realized he might be in love with her once she was out of the picture , I’m skeptical. For some reason, men have this thing where we reject people who love us and then pine over them once they stop loving us. The problem with this is that ,most of the time , your memory of that person is warped. You only remember the good parts. There is very likely a reason you didn’t give a shit about her when you were seeing her in the first place. all the little annoying things she used to do that drove you crazy seem to vanish into thin air and all that’s left is an saintly image of a girl who could birth your children. I’m sure the time apart has given you a softer and different perspective on it but I wouldn’t be surprised if the reality was quite different. I think what you’re going through right now is just a reaction to the idea of this girl possibly moving on without you, regardless of how right or wrong she might actually be for you.
2)Long distance relationships are the worst. Don’t do them unless you’ve already created a strong foundation and have been together for a long time. Starting a relationship with distance is the dumbest thing you could ever do. Sure, the first three weekends you spend together will be awesome, sex filled love fests but a few months down the line, watch as trust and jealousy begin to surface and that distance begins to tear you apart.
So, basically, be careful. I’d say , at most, start something casual. feel it out. But you’re setting yourself up for disaster if you commit to her under these circumstances.

The Situation: I’ve know this girl for about 5 years. We dated briefly 3 years ago but the relationship ended quickly due to my lack of experience, at the time, and my inability to “take it slow” as she wanted. This girl…I very much consider “The One” and we always managed to keep contact with each other one way or another (texting, myspace, facebook). Anyway, since that break-up I’ve been in a few relationships and gotten more experience under my belt and I’m a lot more confident. Three weeks ago, out of the blue, I get a text from this girl and find out she’s recently single. I also happened to be recently single. Since then, we’ve talked and hung out a lot. She stayed over recently and we stayed up all night talking and making out. Straight up, I want to marry this girl. However, I recently had a conversation with an older (35), and recently married friend of mine who told me I need more experience before I get too serious about this girl. My girl lives in Phoenix (I’m in Tucson) so we get to hang on the weekends. My friend’s opinion is that I use this time before me and the girl get super serious, is to “slay some bitches” and experience more. But I don’t really have an interest in that right now. Is it important for me to gather more experience? I’m 26 BTW.

Damn, it’s “She’s the one!” day up in here.
as for your question, it’s tough to say. I’m of the “26 is too young to marry someone” school of thought. Hoenstly, I don’t think anyone should get married till they’re AT LEAST in their late 20’s/early 30’s. What’s the rush?

As far as gathering experience, it depends what kind of person you are. I know, that no matter how much experience I had, there will always be that part of me that wants more. It’s basic human nature. The question is are you willing to forgo all that fun shit for one girl. That’s pretty much the trade off. If you are, cool. Just slow the fuck down. She told you were eager before. I don’t even know you and can tell you’re jumping out of your socks right now. Slow your roll. This isn’t a race. Date her, see how it goes and take it from there.
Just realize that, if you do date her and eventually marry her, she’s the last girl you will ever be with. Are you willing to accept that? Don’t answer that now. Wait a few years and think about it. If it’s still not an issue, marry her. If you’ve changed your mind, you’re still young enough to start over.

Does a guy ever “stop” liking a girl (if there was a connection)? Also, do you think its the same for women? I

I love this question. Guys and girls are very different when it comes to feelings and holding on to them. To answer your question, yes, guys do eventually stop “liking” girls. All the time. What we don’t stop,however, is the want to fuck those girls. unless the girl gets a lot uglier or does something unforgivable that the guy can’t forget, he will always want to have sex with her. But “liking” her? Those things come and go all the time. Sure, some guys do hold certain girls closer to their hearts. One that they may have had bad timing with or ones they felt they did wrong by due to the immaturity of youth. But, in general, most guys get over crushes fairly quickly and move on to the next one. That said, because the sexual want is always going to be there, there is always a tiny door way open. All sales are not final.
For girl, however, it’s different. I feel like it’s harder for a girl to get over a guy, but once she does, she’s completely over him forever. To the point where her want of sex from that man repulses her and his entire existence makes her shutter in disgust. For more on this, refer to THIS

So, in closing, I’m not saying write off a dude from the past who you had a connection with, but you’d be an idiot to put major stock in it. Proceed with absolute caution until you’re given a reason to really trust the situation.

4 thoughts on “Ask Dr. Tony Vol. 3

  1. “I feel like it’s harder for a girl to get over a guy, but once she does, she’s completely over him forever. To the point where her want of sex from that man repulses her.”

    I can totally vouch for this. My sister and I are really close and she’s been out with a lot of guys and has confessed to me on many occasions how they totally disgust her now. This discovery has actually enabled me to put myself in a girls shoes now whenever I approach a girl who has a certain history with me.

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