Dickhead things to say

You know those little phrases that have somehow seeped into everyday speech? These are statements made simply to be made , that have no more value to them than making a fart noise with your mouth.
A few years ago, it was the horrible “Party like a rockstar” that was flying out the mouth of every drunk girl with an expensive handbag. While that saying has waned in popularity, there’s no shortage of other shitty dickheaded sayings that people can’t stop uttering. Let’s look a little deeper…

“I love my life”

This one gives me arctic douche chills every time I hear it. It’s a funny one cause , most of the time, the person saying it is really just crying for help. It’s usually some person , drunk at a club where they just spent $500 on a bottle. A bottle, I might add, that’s worth about 30 bucks. They’re acting as if they’re standing on a yacht surrounded by lingerie models with blow job addictions when in reality, they’re very likely hanging with a group of persian kids in terrible T-shirts pretending to have fun and acting as vagina repellant.
“I love my life” is something no one who actually loves there life would ever say. It’s something an unsure, insecure dickhead says. Like a daily affirmation for men who wear too much cologne and the women who date them.
I’d imagine, if studies were done, there’d be a direct correlation between people who say this phrase and people who weep in the shower.

“I didn’t come here to make friends”

This one doesn’t really happen in real life. This is special cause it’s strictly said on Reality tv shows involving a prize. Often, it will be the one flagrant asshole of the cast who says it, shortly after doing something completely despicable. This person obviously has a hard time discerning “Not making friends” with “being a the worst human being on the planet”. At no point should a person that says some shit like this not be getting punched in the mouth. His/her life should be a constant line up of people knocking them the fuck out…24 hours a day., 7 days a week. Kinda like this but with closed fists:

Here’s the thing , it is true. People who go on reality Tv shows are certainly not there to make friends. They are there to either win money, get some fleeting notoriety or a mixture of both. Even a reality show based on making friends would not involve people being there to make friends. However, to think you can just go through life (errr…fake life) just being a total cock sucker to everyone cause you’re soooooo focused on winning, is some bullshit. yes, I realize you’re on TV and this isn’t real but I gotta think anyone who does say or do this is a dickhead in real life. It’s like when an actor plays a character really well. You know, deep down, there is a part of that character within the actors actual personality. And reality show douche bags are no Daniel day lewis. They’re not even Anthony Michael Hall.

“I’m just a person who speaks their mind!”

This is what a person says when they are a loud mouth asshole and no one ever checks them on it. This too is used more often than not on reality TV shows by loud people who don’t listen. The same people who go the “Volume over reason” route when in an altercation. In other words, people who suck to be around.
Being honest and actually speaking your mind if one thing. But doing so without a filter is what is called “being an asshole”. If everyone did this all the time, no one would have any friends and we’d be constantly fighting each other. Say what you will about talking shit behind people’s back but some things people say about you, simply do not need to be said to your face. It sounds weird but there is a certain level of common decency to talking behind peoples backs…as long as that shit never gets to them.

“I’m just a sexual person”

This one is specific to girls. I feel like guys don’t say this shit too much…cause we’re not so much “Sexual” as we are horny. If a guy does say it, I’d guess he’s the type who likes to spread his legs extra wide while getting head , covered in scented oil and listening to Seal records.
Girls, though, LOVE this phrase. It’s really a thinly veiled way of saying “Hey, I like to fuck but I’m not a slut about it, right?”. That’s fine and all but here’s my issue. Who the fuck isn’t “a sexual person”? A virgin? Sure, I know there are people who are uncomfortable with all things sexual but the majority of people are “sexual” in that they like sex. That’s like a fat fuck declaring “I’m very appetite prone” instead of saying “I like eating food”. It’s some bullshit.
It’s also the kind of thing some old hippy woman will say when trying to maintain her sexuality way past it’s prime. I don’t doubt that she indeed likes sex but there are few things less sexually attractive than an old woman trying to be slutty.
I liken this phrase to girls who claim they give “The best blow jobs”. 10 out of 10 times that girl gives horrible head. Sometimes cause she doesn’t know what she’s doing but usually cause some boyfriend of hers happened to like getting his nut sack chewed on and she took his word as gospel. The numbers don’t lie, brah.

Many variations of “Why you gotta be a hater?”

There was a time when being a hater meant something. As a person who’s been called this more times than I can remember, allow me to clarify something.
At one point, “Hating” on something was not a totally negative concept. Sure, it was negative in the fact that you were bashing something but the purpose wasn’t to blindly shit on that thing. It was to point out fault in something that you genuinely see as a problem. Most likely, in something that other people seem to love. It was the Yin to Love’s Yang. It was simply having a critical eye. Sure, there’s a level of pessimism that goes with that line of thinking, but there’s also a healthy dose of reality that evens it out. We’re not supposed to blindly love everything. We’re supposed to question things. Play devil’s advocate a little. Otherwise, what’s the point of even having an opinion?

There are examples of people actually wrongly hating. Anyone in the music or movie business will tell you it’s common. People will shoot something down simply to make themselves feel better. Shit, even on a basic level…Ever hear a girl judge a prettier girls outfit? It’s insane. Real bad hating is when people are just grasping at straws with hopes of cutting someone else down to their level. So, to be clear, some hating is definitely petty.

The problem with today’s version of being a “hater” is that people use it as a scapegoat. Like talking badly about anything can simply be brushed off as hating, as opposed to actual criticism. It’s as if you can’t simply dislike something anymore. What the fuck is that about? As far as I’m concerned, everything is wack till proven otherwise , cause the world is surely full of more crap than gold. It’s not even close.
So, keep that hater shit to yourself…By calling someone a hater, you’re basically just hating on them having thoughts. Go fuck yourself.

“I’mma do me”

This phrase is only okay when a person is either striving for their goals or removing themselves from a shitty situation. If you’re dating some terrible asshole and you get out of that relationship cause you wanna “do you”, more power to you. But most of the time this phrase is said, it’s easily just translated to “I’m a selfish prick”. No more, no less. Much like the hater phrase, it’s a scapegoat. It’s people shirking any responsibility they have toward their fellow man. I will admit though , it does roll of the tongue nicely. So, you know, do you.

44 thoughts on “Dickhead things to say

  1. The real hater test is if they love anything. There’s funny haters out there, but they’re still haters. They never give back. It’s always “here’s what sucks” and never “by the way, here’s what’s good.” You have to have some good things to share, and if you do that, you’re free to bag on terrible shit all day. But when you only bag on shit, even if it is terrible? Haaaaaaater.

    • Good point. The thing about hating in that way is that it’s so easy. The hater is always gonna have the upper hand on the person giving props cause it’s cooler to be dismissive of everything. They can play it off one some “I get it and you don’t” shit. Fuck those people.
      I’m judgmental of tons of things (thus this entire blog) but I would never shit on something just to shit on it.

  2. “everything is wack till proven otherwise”. I like that.

    I’m sick of hearing people defend terrible things with “Yeah but they’re making money”. Like you can’t not like something just because a bunch of 12 year old girls spent their allowance on it.

  3. I just read this on FB

    “I have a really great life. I am not saying this to boast, I am saying it aloud because these are things we need to be able to recognize and acknowledge. I have a really, really great life, and for that, for those who make it so wonderful, I am thankful.”


  4. There is a new book out called “The Psychopath Test” that finds 1 in 10 people in our society are clinical psychopaths.
    Aside from the occasional news story that shocks the shit out of us, it’s general conceit is that psychopaths are people never consider others in their actions and are generally without a conscience.
    Mainly people like CEO’s and the delta bravos we see on a daily basis.
    After reading this I think you should change it to, “How not to appear pyschopathic”

  5. I have a friend who uses the hashtag #LovnMyLife after every single fucking thing she posts on FB. First of all, hashtags are for twitter (and her FB is NOT linked to a twitter). Secondly, she falls directly into the category you’ve described.

  6. I guess it would be different if it was Hulk Hogan or some shit lol, even then id be like WHY?

    you forgot about “Fuck My Life” lol “Oh i just had to drive in this heat,FML”


  7. I hate when fucking average-ass people wear shirts like “I love my haters.” Motherfucker, you have no haters…you’re just a piece of shit that people don’t want to hang out around.

  8. look block, this post is cool and all, but why you gotta be a hater? i’m not trying to hijack your blog here, but im just a person who speaks their mind, and i don’t think you should be telling people what and what not to say. you might not like me for calling you on it, but its cool cuz i didnt come here to make friends. I would spend more time here telling you all the ways you fucked up with this post, but ive gotta get ready for the club – trying to get laid tonight – im just a sexual person. you may hate on THAT too, but i gotta do me. what can i say? i love my life.

  9. this is from the last entry you did, but if you like David Cross & Paul Thompkins im not sure if you are familiar with Mr. Show, it was a sketch comedy show that also included both those two guys as well as Bob Odenkirk, and some of it is absolutely genius.

    Wasn’t a fan of the movie they did really, but if you haven’t seen it, check out some sketches on Youtube. Bob & David (and Paul) do some great sketches. Funny shit.

    peace ~

  10. The ‘I love my life’ phrase goes both ways though, because you get the ‘I hate my life’ people. The way I see it, pretty much everyone I know is living a nice well funded life in rural colorado where their only problems are finding weed and someone to hook up with. The people I do know who are poor and I sympathize with dont complain about how shitty their life is, its always the people who have no need to complain.

    People who claim they love their life are just trying to make themselves appealing. You know how chicks love to lure you in with that facade.

  11. Please continue your quest to call out all things wack as fuck. Next up people who quote silly inspirational gibberish or way overused movie quotes on their facebook. Or give who think I give a shit what their food looks like. #grumpyoldman

  12. I hate people, girls especially are notrious for this, that will say “Oh i loveee that” when you bring something up only to find out a couple of minutes or seconds later that she really doesnt know shit about it or could care less about it. it disgusts me. it may be worse than if they hate on it

    • Holy shit. You read my mind with that one. For some reason, when people pretend to like something they’re obviously not familiar with (usually a movie, tv show or restaurant) it infuriates me.

  13. heres a random question.

    whats your rule of going down on a girl? I never go down on a girl if its a one night stand or if we just met recently. i cant explain why but for me to go down on a girl i have to know shes not a dirty piece of shit. its like trust. after a certain time of knowing them and knowing they are clean then i will happily go down on them. is that weird of something?

    finally fuck chuck marry:

    katy perry, zoey deschanel, emily blunt. go.


  14. I would just like to file a complaint against your blog. You have plenty of sweeping generalizations, but i have yet to see one unicorn. Please stop this false advertising at once.

    thank you.

  15. True enough.

    Anyways, i came for the unicorns, & stayed for the sweeping generalizations. So i commend your marketing & advertising department for a job well done.

  16. LOL, great fuckin rant.

    On “haters”: I honestly always fucking hated this word/concept period. Just the term “hater” being said by any male ever, sounds gay as fuck to me. whenever I hear “stop hating” “haters” “they’re haters” and so on and so on, I immediately picture this gay dude who used to be my co-worker saying it or a different former co-worker who was a fag hag female. Because he said it ALL the time and it’s probably one of the most popular phrases/words in the gay community. I just can’t even read that word without picturing the person who’s saying it as a big homo or a prissy little bitch. Again sorry, but that’s really a word that was perfectly culled for flamboyant gays, suburban pretty bitches and of course teh loudmouthed hoodratz.

    Crazy how this word has gotten so popular everywhere, even some of my favorite famous people use it and it irks me to no fuckin end. I can’t help it, as soon as I see someone using that word toward someone else, I automatically lose respect for them. I’m wrong, I know this. But you know sometimes you just can’t help how you feel about certain shit. This is one of those times.

    Agree with your breakdown on the incessant mis-usage of the word though.
    rant over.

    • “as soon as I see someone using that word toward someone else, I automatically lose respect for them.”
      ok, well maybe I don’t completely just lose respect for whoever, I just cringe and say “oh you fag” to myself.

  17. I call BS on the second one. I was headhunted to this shitty little midwestern city to get them prepared for the inevitable influx of more urban problems that will beset them in the coming decade.

    Anything even resembling a change to the status quo might as well be a declaration of war and the rerponse is always this super touchy feely, emotional appealy, guilt trippy whining. “I’m not here to make friends” has become my mantra.

    It may be lame but it’s effective, and not just on reality TV.

    • But does this translate to you being a total asshole for no reason? there’s a big difference between that and just putting your head down and doing your job. The kinda people who I’m talking about seem to go out of their way to make life shitty for those around them. If that’s you, you’re a dickhead. If not, you’re just doing your job and not being all flowery about it.

  18. what about ‘Just sayin’?’ I am guilty of this one sometimes. Like, it’s ok to say something offensiveness and dickish but hey, i’m excused because afterall im ‘just sayin’.. seems sort of like a cop out, but a useful tactical conversation strategy in a pinch haha

  19. “Like a daily affirmation for men who wear too much cologne and the women who date them.”
    Correction: “Like a daily affirmation for men who wear cologne and the women who date them.”

  20. I’m familiar with “I love my life” thing. How many times could this be happen? Once or twice. You can’t post this shit regularly as if you are sayin wusap? “I’m strong and positive. And also I’m thinking about being wasted for lying to myself.” I hate these kinda poses and I don’t even hesitate remove them from my list. If you feel you in the middle of a shit hole, just say it pathetic bitch! No one gonna blame you for this.

  21. “Sometimes cause she doesn’t know what she’s doing but usually cause some boyfriend of hers happened to like getting his nut sack chewed on and she took his word as gospel”

    That is so spot on block I’m dying laughing right now, Thanks

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