AUTHORS NOTE: This was written along time ago and has since been updated and reflected on here: https://phatfriend.com/2015/10/30/revisiting-rules-for-30-year-olds/ So, instead of reading this and getting you panties in a bunch about what some stranger said 8 years ago, read that…and perhaps still get your panties in a bunch but, also, feel free to blow it out your ass. Thank you and good day.
Initially, I was gonna make 25 the cutoff age but then I realized I’d be limiting myself. The fact is that 25 years old, while fully adults, are just not quite there yet (neither are 30 year olds either but they’re closer). This means, they still don’t really know shit yet and are prone to still do stupid things that , in reality, only teenagers should be doing. That said, I think if you’re over 25 and doing the things I list below, you’re kind of a dipshit but all hope is not lost. We all make mistakes. You got 5 years to the right the ship. You 30 year olds though? Inexcusable.
Let’s see…
1) Starting new drugs
I don’t mean your meds or things that will make your heart/dick/stomach work better. I’m talking about illegal substances. If you’re 30 plus and have never done coke, why start now? Most drugs are for children. Well, maybe not children but young people. People with nothing to lose and few responsibilities. People who don’t have a career or a family. That’s why, whenever I see some drug addled 22 year old, I don’t really worry about it. But when you see a 35 year old smack addict who’s been doing it since his late teens, it’s a forgone conclusion that that dude is a wrap.
If you’ve always done these drugs, it’s a different story. Granted, I think there is a wall for hard drug usage that most mindful adults should hit. But,if you’ve made it out your 20’s on these drugs, I suppose you’ve somewhat mastered your high (or you’re one of those functional junkies I’ve heard about). That said, 32 year old cokeheads are fucking idiots no matter when the started doing the drugs.
So, if you’re 30 plus , have avoided all that shit in life thus far , you’re doing fine and feel like you need to make your life more extreme, stop what you’re doing and go change you kids fucking diaper or fill out a tax form. You know, boring shit that adults have to do cause they’re adults. Trust me, the hangover for stuff like that is way more tolerable.
2)Getting is fist fights
When you’re young, you’re stupid. You have too much pride and too much energy. You also get too drunk so those three things tend to unite with your ego and form into an asshole version of voltron that results in random scraps with people. That’s fine. Fist fighting is pretty moronic in general cause 9/10 times it’s over some completely pointless thing. But it happens sometimes. Usually to the same people. Anyway, once you reach the ripe age of 30, it’s time to learn to just let things go. Sure, if some dude slapped your girl or did something personally or potentially harmful to you, by all means, beat his ass. But if some dude bumps you at a bar by accident and doesn’t apologize or a pointless conversation elevates into an argument, let it go. Health insurance is still expensive and I doubt you have it anyway. Not to mention, we live in a day and age where it seems like everyone knows some form of martial arts. The MMA craze will result in you getting your ass kicked by some little dude who happens to know brazilian Ju-jitsu.
The real question to the fighters is “what are you proving”? You might as well and go to the bathroom with the guy and measure each others dick cause it’s about the same thing and way less dangerous.
3)Facial/body piercing
You ever see a random old dude who decides to get his ear pierced? He’s like 60 and obviously just hit a wall in life. So he gets a blingy piece of shit in his ear that looks more like something your grandma might wear around her neck. Well, people who feel the need to get weird piercings (anywhere not on the ear) past the age of 30 are no different. While some could say the same for tattoo’s , there’s a difference. Tattoo’s can be cool and actually mean something, where as facial/body piercing has pretty much always been stupid. Also Tattoo’s are actually art. Piercing is just a piece of metal pushed through your skin. By that logic, everyone who’s ever been stabbed to death was simply a beautiful canvas for a murderer/artist.
I’ve played at my fair share of music festivals and this is where this is most common. i’ll see a 40 year old dude with a fresh cheek pierce , earlobes stretched wide enough to make love to and barbells in his nipples.
This kind of self expression is the body modification equivalent to a teenaged girls high school poetry. It’s all heart , no thought and always shitty. I’m not mad at people who get this shit done, I just quietly judge them as the adult children that they are.
Now, if you’ve got pre-existing pierces, that’s different. While, I’d personally say take them out, at this point you’ve probably had them for a decade and they’re a part of you. So, you know, do you. Well, except those huge , stretched out earlobes. They make me wanna barf and look terrible. Please take those out.
4)Going to clubs on the regular
I’m not saying you shouldn’t party after 30. Not at all. Partying after 30 is fun. It’s just , as you get older, the settings of social gatherings change. When you’re 18-23ish , you go to clubs (i guess, I always hated those shit holes but it seems to be still be a thing people do). At that age, it’s exciting and new. Eventually, the clubbing dies down and it turns into bars or mellow house parties. I’d say hitting bars is something you can do forever. Though, as everyone you know gets married and has kids, that slowly transforms into shit like dinner parties, couples nights and the horrific “Game night”. But I digress…
Clubs are for people who care way too much about pointless things. Things like being seen or social status They’re crowded, expensive and full of shitty people and shittier music. On the upside , clubs are where you go to meet a random person to sleep with, without having to do all that “talking” bullshit you might have to if you were in a bar. It’s a great source of one night stands or perhaps laying eyes on a celebrity from 50 feet away…or hell, fucking that celebrity if you’re attractive enough. I refuse to believe anyone ever has actual fun at clubs unless they’re gay dudes dancing all night in chelsea. From the looks of them when they’re walking home at 5 am, those motherfuckers have an amazing time, everytime.
When you hit 30, not only should you not go to those types of places, you should not WANT to go. It’s just straight up unappealing. Not to mention, the famous old “You don’t wanna be the old guy at the club” joke , that will always hold true.
5)Taking leisurely sports super seriously
It’s truly a spectacle to see a 45 year old man scream to the point of a near stroke over a foul call in pick up basketball. I know some people are hyper competitive and that never goes away. But I’m more talking about the rage. Rage has it’s time and place…and it’s not during a game of beer league softball. Relax, dude. No one here is getting paid and there is no glory to be had. Just use this as a fun way to exercise so you can eat some unhealthy shit later that day. That’s all we really have when we’re not professional athletes. The hope that we can not get really fat but still eat food that tastes good by exercising in a fun way. Winning is cool and all but really, I’d rather just get to eat the unhealthy food.
6)Blind musical idealism
It saddens me when I meet a dude well into his 30’s that’s complaining about commercial hip hop or whatever. That’s not his fight to fight. Really, it’s no one’s fight to fight but he should be old enough to see that. We all value music and want it to keep its ideals (that we have created for it). Unfortunately,music is just gonna keep changing while we get older and more removed from it. The same way some old rap guys are looking at someone like Tyler the Creator in disgust, is how your parents parents were looking at the Beatles once they grew their hair long. Not comparing the two, I’m just saying, as people over 20, It’s not our game to officiate. We’re entitled to dislike all of it though. It’s just the complaining part that’s a waste of time.
7)Dressing like an 18 year old
Nothing wrong with being a fashionable 30 plus. As someone who’s basically dressed the same since I was 12 (albeit with varying sizes of jeans and types of t-shirts), I’m really in no position to scold a 30 year old for how they dress. I’m more talking about these youthful fashion trends that pop up. Like when REALLY Skinny jeans were the look. They were basically denim spandex. To see grown, out of shape 30 somethings clinging to their youth by wearing those things, was heart breaking (not really, but it made me think they were dickheads).
There are some styles that will pop up that are strictly for the young. Much like music, it’s not our 30-plus year old job to contend or stay relevant in that type of realm. All we can do is dress how we see appropriate for someone who is no longer doing tons of drugs, going clubbing, getting into fights and arguing the tenants of true lyricism.
I think what this all comes down to is , as you get older, you realize how little most things matter. Things that really used to rile you up now bring about a feeling of utter indifference. That’s a big part of getting old. Some would say that a person losing their fire and inspiration but I see it more as just settling down. Becoming grounded and more logical in your actions.
As those trite things fade to the background, the few things that do matter actually become your main focus. Making a living. Your family. Your friends. You’re own mental stability. Everything else is just some kiddie shit. Except blogging, of course. That’s some grown man shit right there.
I am 32 and totally disagree! Be who you want to be no matter the age, f*ck the haters!
Ah, you just reminded me
8 ) referencing “haters” that don’t really exist.
But to be clear, you’re a 32 year old who just started doing coke, loves getting into fist fights (especially while playing recreational sports) , just got you eye brow pierced, who is still going clubbing all the time and dresses like a 16 year all the while preaching that “things were better when I was a kid!”?
Okay. you sound awesome. An awesome man child.
Fucking hilarious lol
for real man.. some bullshit stereotype …IMHO as long as ur grown ain’t got no family and no kids.. u can dress and do whatever the fuck u like ..and if someone don’t like it.. FUCK EM! LOL!
I agree on every count, but don’t you also think that people should not be getting their first tattoos after thirty? It’s kind of like drugs, if you’ve been getting tats since your first jail stint at age sixteen and you need a few more pieces to cover the rest of your lower back, then it makes sense. It’s part of who the person is. But someone who gets their first tattoo after thirty is just sad. You went this long without looking like a retard, why get the tribal shit now?
Yeah. I’m with you on that. There is a huge “why start now?” element to it.
Because it’ll be even more ridiculous if you put it off any longer.
I mean, if it means so little, why did you write this? You obviously care enough.
I think it depends on the tattoo. My buddie’s dad just got a tattoo commemerating his brother who passed away, and he’s in his 60’s, in a case like that I think it’s totally acceptable. I would draw the line at shitty, pointless tattoos like koi fish and swallows on your chest. But then again, I can’t stand those type of tattoos on mostly anyone. If you’re not a sailor or in the Yakuza, there’s no reason for you to have those type of generic tattoos on you. In a couple years they’ll be just as tacky as tribal bands. If you’re going to get a tattoo, at least put some thought into it and save the money up to get some nice custom work done.
this makes me happy. 9th wonder said it best. there is such thing as kid music and grown up music.
hahahah!! and loved the last 2 sentences!!!!
i´m 24 but true dat!
I agree with all of this. Not to mention if you keep doing the same shit you did in your 20s, eventually the odds are gonna catch up with you and you’ll end up getting seriously hurt or killed.
On the music thing, though, I’d say one thing someone in their 30s also shouldn’t be doing is listening to 2011 mainstream pop. They’ve lived through enough other music to know that this stuff is garbage.
Agreed 100% on both points.
I got some friends who are basically doing the same shit they were doing (drug and socially wise) when they were 22 and life has not been kind to them.
I don’t know man. I feel bad for the 29 year olds who were raised by very overbearing and controlling parents and who weren’t allowed to drink or go to parties. No one in particular, but he was also fat up until 5 years ago, and is only now overcoming his shyness and becoming less socially inept. Now that he’s almost 30 and coming to terms with the fact that he is half dead and hasn’t done anything with his life can’t he maybe start smoking a little weed with the approval from a certain blockhead?
I don’t think of weed as a hard drug. Some people start smoking weed when they’re like 60. Who knows? maybe I’ll start again one day.
The key here is that no one who’s 29 is “half dead”. Maybe a third, but not half. What do you think being 30 looks like to a 60-year-old? An 80-year-old??
Dude I’m 23 and totally agree with this post. Now I think Mid life crisis’s are an exception, thats when people realize they need to get their minds corrected, so if them going through a dickhead crisis helps them become responsible adults then I think they get a D-bag pass. As long as it doesn’t carry out too long. Maybe thats why these recent generations are so effed up cause they got a bunch of adults who are living an everlasting mid life crisis while raising their very own jr. douche baglets.
I feel the same way about these topics, except the music part. I still hate mainstream shit, but I haven’t graduated to that level I guess. I do think more people should be better grounded though.
I was recently at a bar that turned into a ‘club’ at 10pm.
Didn’t know that would happen, and was mentally unprepared for it.
Lots of beautiful women in their early 20s, including some that I knew since they were kids. Combining that with a friend from college trying to hit on every girl in the building, I felt like I was in some hellish pedo discoteca.
Tony,
Maybe the best read of yours I’ve had in awhile although I like them all this one hit home. As just freshly turning 30 and dating a 23yr old I’m reminded daily of my age and you just nailed it.
Keep up the good work,
Abb in Austin
My response here is..if i have maintained being smart enough so far in my 28 years NOT to do almost everything on this list…then why would anyone over the age of 30 decide all the sudden they want to do half of this shit or they just never stopped. (shaking my head/face palm)
if you pay your own bills..you do whatever the hell you want…
in fact..if #1 is not…”you shouldn’t be leaning on someone else to pay your bills and raise your kids” then any article about what you should or shouldn’t be doing is simply immature kiddie blog chatter..
That’s a pretty basic view of it cause a lot of these things speak a greater truth about someone’s lifestyle. If you’re getting fucked up on heroin, clubbing all the time and prone to random fist fights, there’s a high probability that you’re also a shitty parent.
I get that people are gonna disagree with points of this blog post but if you’re coming in here like “Fuck that noise, I live my life how I wanna live it!” you’re basically admitting you willingly live the life of a child as a full grown adult. I refuse to believe anyone with real responsibilities could argue this. can only assume you’re either didn’t really read what I wrote, too young to understand this now or a person who actually does a bunch of these things ad feels compelled to defend your own shitty choices. Granted, you are right. a person can do whatever they want. I don’t make the rules. I’m just giving you my perspective on shit I feel is unacceptable once you reach a certain age. Taking care of your kids and paying the bills is important. for sure. But so is self respect and not being a piece human waste (not saying you are, but the person I’m describing in this blog basically is).
“Self-respect” is a funny thing. It’s a concept that people use when they don’t respect something someone *else* is doing.
You are right man, all of this shit is dumb anymore, i did it all, drugs, dress, clubs when i was old enough to get in (im 38 now) i still cant smoke even a little herb without getting fucking paranoid about something. I think it is more that i know i shouldnt even be smoking it and it makes me feel wierd, i wasnt born into it like a jamaican dude or from amsterdam where the shit is used to soothe babies teething and shit like that lol, i do enjoy it from time to time when we are jamming, but thats about it. I can hold onto a 1/4 bag for 6 months. Anyway, yeah i agree with all of this. I never was into sports much, only when i was in my early 20’s and it was an excuse to throw a party. Back in 2007 i did some shrooms at Bonnaroo, ended up sitting right next to Aesop on the lawn and didnt even realize it until 2 weeks later when i saw his pics of him at Bonnaroo ..i said Oh shit!! lol..anyway yeah man, i felt like i was doing something wrong on those shrooms, it just wasnt fun, i feel weird even typing about it. The clothes thing, well some people cant afford clothes so sometimes they take their 26 year old brothers hand me downs, (yes im talking about myself here). Im jobless at the moment so if the clothes fit i wear them. Its pretty cool, he is into alot of El-P and etc. with all you dudes, so i get those old def jux shirts and shit like that. the pants tho if they are too baggy or have a big ass logo on the ass of the pocket, i dont wear them, thats going too far for me anymore, that was High school shit for me, with the Used jeans and and all that. I actually had someone say to me one time when i was 30 “Damn Anthony how old are you now 30?, and you still wear those baggy ass pants” LOL..yeah man i felt stupid! because it was true. the music thing, i wont even get into, it will just piss me off somehow, you forgot to add. White dudes changing their Accent or getting an accent period when they didnt have one to begin with, If you are 35 years old, from the outskirts of a major city in the suburbs, your dad is a dentist and your mom is a lawyer, and you dress and talk like you are from the inner city and grew up hanging out with coke dealers on the corner, you are fucking retarded and watched Malibu too much lol . Your clothes and accent have nothing to do with how you can make music. And smoking weed doesnt either, if you cant come up with an idea while sober, then you are fucked.
and as much as it sounds like it, im not saying my last part is wrong of people to do so, it is just some people can get away with it and some people cant, know yourself, and be yourself, people will respect you a little more.
What about wearing baseball hats all the time and listening to/making shitty backpack rap? Should we be doing that after 30, in your opinion?
SICK BURN BRO’
Does backpack rap still exist?
Hey block! Just wanted to let ya know that I am two things: A huge fan of yours and a proud supporter of the Body Modification community. I’m not here to argue or try and convert you or some stupid shit like that but to let you know that there is a majority of this said community that takes their modifications seriously, piercings to alot of us are just as meaningful as tattoos. I have my ears stretched to an inch and 5/8ths and If I were given some divine chance to change my appearance I wouldn’t have myself look any other way. (well, I may make my self a bit thinner but that’s what my treadmill is for, I suppose) alot of people don’t appreciate the beauty we see in our modifications but that’s just fine with us. we like to stray from the conventional idea of beauty and find something that pleases ourselves. Also, my ears are the perfect asshole filter, I work in South Minneapolis and I’ll walk around the streets and I’ll either receive genuine curiosity and respectful comments (even if they don’t like it) or scoffs and judgment which is great because then I know who is worth my time. Gone are the days of meeting someone, thinking their cool friend material then after wasting a month with them realizing they’re just an asshole. Again, just a different perspective. cheers.
yo Block! I love your blog, haven’t read it in a while.
anywayz, I know this is an old post but I had to weigh in cuz you’re dropping that science.
As an almost-31er I think you’re dead right on a lot of shit here. It’s weird because this is knowledge that kinda filters slow in to an adult mind…sometimes I get concerned thinking that epiphanies are over. I continue to do drugs but I’ve been doing them half of my life, and keep my office monkey job just fine, thanks. I pulled my piercings out, got my old tattoos still and I might add a few more in years to go. I’ll add this to the list though:
hallucinogens…I really don’t know how people who grew up with me in the acid 90’s continue to drop that shit, it’s crazy. I’m too much of an adult to face an ego-smashed 12 hours (that shit doesn’t still last that long, right?). a hungry psychonaut as a youth, I can’t mess with that shit anymore.
breaking night…I haven’t burned through a wild 48 hours since my 20’s. not that I love sleeping, but that shit ain’t occurring no more, I’ll get colds and shit. once in a very blue moon it’ll occur (maybe with the aforementioned intoxication) but that shit is best left to the younguns.
you’re dead right about the hip hop complaining, and damned if you didn’t name the dude right there (Tyler the Creator). Listening to his shit was almost a milestone in my life, I’m like “ok, this is kind of unique but it’s shit…this is that ‘crazy music the kids are listening to’ stuff…never thought i’d be there thinking that.”
all the same, as a hiphop lover I continue to find stunning headphone food…Fashawn, Wretch 32, Big K.R.I.T., Skeme, Erk tha Jerk…there’s still a lot to love, and I’m grateful for it.
once again, love the blog, mad that I forget to check up on it in a while.
Your music is still awesome. Much love. Were you at the CoFlow show?
I was outta town for that show. Bummed I missed it for sure.
Tattoos should not have an apostrophe.
Thanks for the help , TEACH!
How about using the current and popular slang words like bro, or phrases like “I know, right”. I once heard a 30 yr old call her 2 yr old “dude”. It defiently spoke volumes to me .
Perhaps the most embarrassing thing to be doing after 30 is to be still chasing city transit buses to do errands or go on a date. Be a man. Get wheels. An F-150 is a great choice.
facepalm
your post is unique, only disagree with the sports thing. ive seen 56 year old guys body surfing 20 feet faces without any strugle. I beleive in eternity and after this life i will be surfing 40 foot faces with jesus :0
im 44 and iv never done any of it…cant i start now…lolol
Hi my boyfriend Is 31 this year. And all as he ever thinks about is how much money he can make to go to raves and get wasted. And how cool he can make himself look to young girls on facebook. Facebook and raves are his life. I asked him today to give them up and he broke up with me. I am 30 myself I enjoy having fun to but I went threw the raving stage when I was about 18.
This isn’t a question, is it? Bu if it is, the answer is “your boyfriend is a loser”
Hi it was just a winge really. But reading your blog made me feel better. Its hard to understand how a man of that age can be like that.
Well, every one is different, what is normal to the spider is chaos to the fly….. You might want to consider that you 2 are very different, I for example used to think that people like you were square and destined to think like old farts at 40 and start judging every one and how they should be even younger, now I just don’t make generalizations and just let others be… You guys simply are different, the fact that you are not into what he is should make you grateful that he broke up with you and that now you are free to find someone like you and he is free to find a free-spirit girl who likes the things he likes 🙂
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Loved reading!
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Why the fuck I even bothered to read this do not know. Must have had a momentary lapse in self belief. I say do whatever the fuck you like. Because the second you give a shit what everybody else thinks is the moment you stop living your life the way you think see fit. Just don’t go causing other people any problems and you’ll be fine.
Spoken like a 22 year old! But I don’t disagree really. But it’s more a case of, when your each a certain age, some things should lose excitement naturally.
Blockhead your generalizations are bad to say the least. You are very judgmental casting your beliefs about the way other people should or shouldn’t be living their lives based on age. This only makes you sound exceedingly immature and inexperienced. If you have never experienced something how could it lose it’s excitement at your predetermined marker of 30 years lol ?? Also, if you absolutely love doing something why shouldn’t you do it? By your calculations since the majority of us started having sex between 16-21 we should all probably give that up by the time we’re 32. I digress, but honestly, your writing depicts an extremely depraved degenerate straight out of Trainspotting that just never let up.
I also wrote it like 7 years ago. I actually did a post revisiting it this year with new perspective. Definitely came around on many of the points written in the piece.
At the same time, you logic is horse shit as well so there’s that too.
With many of the comments some of you sound like a bunch of teenagers. Im 29 but I think by the time your 25 you need to be a little more serious when it comes to doing drugs and not partying with 18-23 year old’s. Your mind should have a different level of maturity because your getting closer to 30. Also, if a 30 year old says dude who cares! Since when is 30 old? Your acting as if they are 50+ get over yourselves.
And also btw, not dress like a teenager because baggy pants past your behind at age 25 is not cute.
Honestly fuck you. Complete hater
Cool dude. Thanks for the honesty!
As long as you still got energy and the willpower, do whatever the fuck you like it’s your own life enjoy it, we all gone die age doesn’t matter, cheers..🍺
My life is over!!!! 😂😂😂
You said it best my friend. I agree with everything you said. Leaving all that “kiddie” shit behind makes for a secure and mature person. I really need to stop complaining about modern day hip hop though. Thats been hard to break.
I think this should include hairstyles… there are certain hairstyles you can’t have when you’re past 30. Agree?
Why does my 30 plus yr old boyfriend look at and dream of high schoolers?
thats a easy one, think for 8 seconds about it
i actually enjoy much of the current music,especially Tarja Turunen..I’m 62 by the way,not anywhere near 30 anymore..my fave artists,are Tarja Turunen,Xandria,Amberian Dawn ,just to name a few.
Just what I was thinking 🙂