Trending topics vol. 56


This week, TimLaska and I discuss hardball topics such as the return of 2.5 men and girls named Sofia Vergara and Minka kelly.
http://www.syffal.com/2-and-a-half-men-sofia-vegara-minka-kelly-tax-hikes-trending-topics

P.S. In response to Alaska’s accusation of me not going to any Mets games, I’ve actually been to more Mets games than Yankee games (my friend has season tickets, yall!).

Answers for questions vol. 52


Hello everyone. Welcome to another installment. I’ve been home all weekend with what seems to be a crazy allergy attack. My nose is raw from blowing it so much that I look like I’ve been snorting coke for a month straight. It’s a good look. Anyway, I can’t say I’m the most lucid I’ve ever been so if this post comes off funny, it’s probably that. Anyway, I need more questions to answer. The weirder the better. I know you guys like asking music questions but realize, most of the ones you ask have already been answered. So get creative…or don’t ask questions about music stuff. I like the let field ones even more anyway.
Send questions to phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comments below.
Okay, let’s go…
Not that I think you are obsessed with the White Girl Mob but if there’s anybody I would like to know what they think of the WGM (Kreayshawn) dissin’ Rick Ross and then her VMA encounter and comments she made…it’s definitely you!

I am kind of obsessed with the WGM. Not in a way that would ever make me buy or listen to their music (though, If a new V-nasty joint drops, I’d listen to it out of morbid curiosity). I’m more obsessed with the fact that they even exist. Like, shit has gotten this far. It’s something else.
Anyway, the Rick Ross beef is funny to me. I dunno why the WGM took it upon themselves to diss Rick Ross. Especially over some shit about being “fake” (cool reason for beef, bro). I know Rick Ross was a jail security guard and stole his name from the biggest drug dealer in american history but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t know some thorough people. Where as the WGM is basically a bunch of stupid young white girls “backed” by a bunch of thugged out dudes who have sex with them but probably don’t really care about them once the money stops. We’ll see what happens. Ideally, Rick ross will slap the shit out of Kreayshawn in public and go to jail for assault. I feel like that would be the best way for this all to end.

Have you or Aesop ever farted on stage?
I can’t speak for Aesop but I’ve farted on stage a million times. It’s a non-factor. Though, there have been a few times where I’ve let one loose on stage and the show was fairly intimate (low stage, the crowd was very close) and I bet they smelled it. But the beauty of that is , how on earth would they know it’s me? Lesson learned: always fart in a crowd.
On a similar note, one of the first shows I ever did , was in london. I was just djing at the time and opening for a bunch of other people. halfway through my set, my stomach started turning and I pretty much almost shit my pants on stage. It was a bad time. Lots of farts that night.

What are your thoughts on BLUE SKY BLACK DEATH? NOIR is an incredible piece of music to me as well as the rest of their stuff and wanted to know what a fellow beatmaker thinks of them.

Their awesome. I actually just did a remix for them for a song they did with a rapper named Nacho Picasso. To be honest, as I’ve mentioned before, I don’t bump much instrumental stuff on my own time. I like vocals. But BSBD make really dope beats. Definitely some of the better new talent out right now.

Hey man. I wanted to follow up on a question from last week. You said that if you had to end up getting another job at some point, it would probably be in a bakery cause that’s where your prior experience is. I think you were joking for the most part, but as a struggling musician, I run into that question all the time. It’s great to do what you love, but it’s hard to make a living doing it. So I guess my question is, do you honestly expect to be doing what you’re doing in 30 years? I mean say what you want about a 9 to 5, but at least it’s some form of job security. If it’s a steady job, the money will be there, even if the actual job fucking sucks. Is that so bad?

30 years? shit…I’ll be 65. I have no clue what I’ll be doing at 65. I’m guessing I’ll be pretty fucking miserable regardless.
But, i think you’re not getting at that. This is more about the uncertain future of a career artist. The reality of being a musician, especially in this day and age, is that you never know what’s going to happen. That’s why a lot of older artist are breaking their backs to stay relevant. In my case, who fucking knows? I’m really not qualified to do anything. I got one year of college under my belt, I don’t have any skills that could be applied to a job. I’m hoping I make a few good investments down the line and I can ride this shit out. Being broke and old would be a bummer.

What is your zombie apocalypse survival plan?

This kinda ties in with the question above. I have no skills. I can make a beat, I can make fun of things well and I can hit a bank shot. That’s about it. If the zombie apocalypse happen, I’d be one of those dudes who dies fairly early into it. I sure as hell wouldn’t make it to the point where me and a smallgroup of rogue survivors travel the land in search of answers. Nope, I’d be the 4th or 5th zombie created.

Hey, I have a question about that song 1993 by you and Signify that i can’t stop listening to: How much of that track is your work and what’s being sampled there?
For the sake of reference:

It’s all samples in one way or another. Signify and I made it together and pretty much mined from both our sample crates. I’d say the majority (especially the drums) came form his stuff but we picked them together and I did all the technical work on abelton. There were a few tapped out drum tracks he made. It was definitely a full on collaborative effort.

What’s your definition of a hipster?
At this point it’s pretty much any young person who’s paying attention to trends and somewhat versatile/fickle with their taste in the arts. It’s basically everyone. My girl told me I was a hipster the other day and , like all hipsters, I disagreed. My point was that , first off, I’m too old. Secondly , I don’t follow new music that closely unless it’s hip hop. I’ve never heard a Bon Iver song and my jeans , while not baggy, fit me just fine.
I suppose hipster is in the eye of the beholder. The beholder is the ultimate hipster.

In lue of your recent “Things you shouldn’t do after age 30“, what’s some advice you have for the under 30 crowd? Life lessons? 

It’s basically the same advice as the original article just more lenient. The one thing I would stress is never think you know anything. There’s a turnover every 5 years where you realize what a fucking idiot you were when 5 years ago. Everyone thinks they “Get it” and “have it figured out” but no one does. I will undoubtedly look back at myself in 5 years and wonder what the fuck I was thinking, in respect to many of the things I hold dear to my heart. It’s just how it works. So, I’d say , always try to maintain perspective. It’s come back and kick your ass if you don’t. Coincidentally,this is the same advice I would give to people whoa re considering getting anything music related tattooed on themselves.

Are you down with 900bats? I know that’s Aes’ like arthouse project or whatever, but do you follow those artists / musicians and/or do you know the people? And what’s your take on Edison? I know you claim not to give an eff about instrumental hip hop cats, but it seems to me like he is doing something sort of unique.

Of course. I’ve done a few things with that website. It’s awesome.
Edison is very dope. Like you said, I don’t listen to much instrumental stuff but he’s a very talented dude for sure.

Song of day 9/16/11 (“sunny” bonus round)


Sunny By A lot of different motherfuckers
http://www.mediafire.com/?kj93e6za1110itb
The song “Sunny” is one of the most covered songs in pop music history. Originally by Bobby Hebb , it’s gotten the treatment by all sorts of people.
I was gonna just post a particular version I’ve been lsitening to lately (Les McCann) but I figured, fuck it, let’s gather as many good versions of this song as I can find. So here’s a file with 14 different covers of this one awesome song. Ranging from the original, to disco, to jazz standard style , to james brown to folk singers.
Just a warning, if you download this, this song will remain in your head for at least 2 days. It’s kinda how it works.
Here’s the line up of the artists featured on this covers compilation:
Boney M.
Les McCann
Bobby Hebb
Chris Montez
Dusty Springfield
Georgie Fame
James Brown
John Walker
Jose Feliciano
The four Tops
Marvin Gaye
Nancy Wilson
Stevie Wonder
Marion

Good luck picking a favorite.
For me, it’s between Stevie, Georgie fame and Les McCann (and the original).

F%ck/Marry/Kill Vol. 3


Well, it would appear this has been a popular column round these parts so I will keep doing them. You know the game business, never personal…lets look at the contestants.

Fuck/Marry/Kill: Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe

Kill: Phoebe

She didn’t have a chance. She’s weird , she’s kinda homely and she’s a folk singer. Dead. While an argument could be made for her that she has big boobs, it’s simply not enough. She’s as sexy as lamp. She’d certainly win if this were a contest of who I’d like to get high and watch TV with, but this isn’t that.

Marry:Monica

She’s a little crazy but nowhere near as annoying as Rachel. She’s a hot older lady with a surprisingly hot body. Judging from the years since the show has ended, she’s aged well too. Worst case scenario, we could build about that time she was in that bruce springsteen video. Also, she (the character of Monica) used to be a fatty. This means she’s probably very grounded and was forced to have a personality growing up. Being a fat kid builds character. That can only mean good things in a marriage.

Fuck:Rachel

First off, I hate her face (moon pie stylee)but not enough to not have sex with her hot body. She’s annoying and fickle. Wishy washy. But, i bet if she was in the right headspace, she would be lots of fun to have sex with…once. Not to mention, i’d do it just to fuck up whatever stupid hair cut she’s got at the moment.

Fuck/Marry/Kill:Cher, celine dion, streisand

Fuck: Cher

No brainer here. She’s the only one who ever had a vagina worth considering of these 3. Sure, she’s like 70 now and probably looks like a wet paper mannequin naked but, whatever, look at my other choices.

Marry: Barbara Streisand

This would be brutal. To be fair, she looks great for her age. But she’s past the age of that compliment actually meaning she’s even remotely sexually attractive.I would just hope she either was at that point in life where she no longer wanted sex or perhaps she’s had a histerectomy? Wishful thinking.
The thing about marrying Barbara is that the lifestyle would at least be nice. She’s a bazzillionaire and has been for decades. Sure, being around all her catty gay friends all the time might get tiring but it’s better than living in Canada with Dion or hearing Cher’s man voice asking me to go buy her tampons (though,I’m pretty sure she’s done with that part of life) at the store.

Kill: Celine Dion

This would be sweet. Not only do I find her about as unattractive as a person can find another object (she’s about as fuckable as a Llama or a pile of laundry) but she’s also the worst person (allegedly). I can only deal with a french canadian accent for so long (when it’s attached to this mini cloverfield looking thing). She would have to go and i’d take pleasure in doing it. Hell, I’d do it simply to ensure never having to hear the Titanic theme song again.

Marry/Fuck/Kill: Britney Spears, Lady GaGa and Nicki Minaj

Marry:Britney

This was tough cause she’s not looking so great these days and is possibly mentally handicapped. However, my angle on this is that I’d be willing to put up with that cause it would give me tons of room to do other things. She’s got two kids (that aren’t mine) a busy “music” career, and the IQ of a sea monkey. So, I’d knowingly go into these nuptials knowing I’d have tons of free time and I’d cheat on her like crazy. Really, how else do you marry Britney Spears in this day and age?

Fuck:Nicki Manaj

DAT ASS. While she might seem like the obvious choice to marry as she’s the youngest and hottest by far, she’s also incredibly annoying and corny. I watched some MTV show with her that was like “A look inside the mind of Minaj” and she reminded me of every stupid drama club girl I ever met. I have no tolerance for that shit…but I would love to have sex with her so this works out perfectly.

Kill: Lady GaGa

Was it even a question? granted, there’s a part of me that was considering fucking her, marrying Minaj and killing Brit brit cause, say what you will, from the neck down, she’s pretty hot. But, from the neck up? That signed her death warrant. Not only does she look like white gonzo but her preachiness is the bane of my existence. Granted, she’s neck and neck in the corny department with Minaj but seeing her live show on HBO made my brain hurt. Those fucking speeches about the most obvious causes that EVERYONE in the entire stadium agrees with. It was full of douche chill moments and I have a low threshold for such things. Off with her head.

Marry/Fuck/Kill:Sarah Palin, Nancy Pelosi, MIchelle Bachmann.

Kill:Michelle Bachman

This was tougher than it should have been. I couldn’t , in my right mind, kill Nancy Pelosi and let both these two pieces of shit live. Even though Pelosi is easily the most busted of the three, I have some standards and morals. So, because Bachman is the less attractive of the two horrific cunts, she has to die.

Fuck: Nancy Pelosi

Again…this was tough. I was gonna go with the same mind set as marrying Barbara Streisand but fuck it…lemme knock this once and keep it moving. I can’t handle that plastic surgery face and she’d probably wanna talk politics with me all the time. I’m way to uninformed for that. So, she gets the saucy one off and the boot. It’s a good thing though, she’s got work to do. She doesn’t need my bum ass on her couch channel surfing all day.

Marry: Sarah Palin

A week ago, this would be different. But since the stories of her past have popped up, new light has been shed on her. She likes to party. She’s 100% the only good lay of the group and , because she’s such a redneck half wit, conversing with her would be easy. Like talking to a dog. Like “Hey girl! who’s gonna cook me dinner tonight? That’s right! that’s my girl!”. If she’s unhappy I can just give her a bag of coke and snow mobile and she can go hash out whatever stupid fucking problems her little brain thinks it has. Hell, i’d even like to hear some old stories about fucking Glen Rice. He was a great shooter in the NBA, but did he really take it to the hole? (she’d love that joke).

Palette Cleanser
Marry/Fuck/Kill: Jessica Alba, Minka Kelly, Salma Hayek

Marry: Minka Kelly

You can pretty much lock her down for marriage no matter who you put her up against. I fucking looooooove this girl. She’s the hottest and seems sweet enough. Granted, a young, babyless Alba or a “Dusk til dawn” Hayek would have certianly given her a run for her money but that’s not the case, they’re older now and Kelly is still fresh. Hell, she’s even single. WIFEY.

Fuck: Salma Hayek

I know she’s a little older now and not a tight as she once was but she’s still hot. More importantly, she’s probably the best fuck I’d ever have. There is no way she doesn’t know what she’s doing. She’s bagged billionaires. Those dudes don’t just marry anyone. They stick with the girls who make a life of fucking endless hot younger girls seem pointless. Hayek must have a magical vagina and her tits are nothing to scoff at either.

Kill:JEssica Alba

It pains me to even consider this but this is what it’s come to. She’s two kids deep. She’s still super hot but i just don’t know. The other two just seem like better choices. I get a ice queen vibe from her and that’s the kinda thing that can negate hotness. As pretty as she is, she strikes me as the type who eye rolls at the thought of giving head and only lets you fuck her in one position. I could be wrong about that, but I bet I’m not.

Things that are wrong with the world part 22

Oh America, you are a lazy fucking bitch. And, keep in mind, this is coming to you from an admitted lazy person. Listen, I get it. We love to be comfortable. Nothing wrong with that. But there’s almost a level of hedonism involved in what’s going on here. I suppose this is the natural progression from the snuggie. After all, who needs a blanket with arm holes when you can just throw in the towel of self respect completely and get adult footie pajama’s made to lounge in, not sleep. I see this trend evolving more and someone eventually inventing a sack of warm liquid goo that recreates the feeling of being back inside your mothers stomach. Perfect for lazy monday nights , on the couch watching CSI reruns. Mark my words. This will happen. At first you will be grossed out cause the filling of the sack will look like thick kool aid but , eventually, you will be giving them to your newly married friends as a wedding gift.
Now, on to why this commercial is so great. Here are the things that jumped out at me:

1) The thought that there is, somewhere on this planet, an entire family who wears these things in unison, while watching tv together.
I gotta think there’s a teenaged daughter out there completely unwilling to rock the Forever Lazy with her family. I don’t care it’s it came with a Justin Beiber built in vibrator or in some hot topic incarnation.

2)The guy with his normally clothed friends, watching sports in his Forever Lazy.
When men gather, part of the joy is cracking jokes at the expense of one another. If some dude I was watching a sporting event with wore these fucking Max from where the wild things are pajamas in front of me, I’d be snapping on him till he died. I would no longer listen to anything he said because he was guy who had to wear Forever Lazy during the NBA finals.

3)It’s got a hood. Just in case , you know, you wanna take it outside into public where other people are.
The one aspect of this thing I can sign on to is that it’s something for your time at home. It’s a private thing that is so shameful in it’s bumassed-ness , it has to be relegated to your couch. It’s kinda like eating an entire tub of ice cream by yourself but worse. Them putting a hood on it is like daring you to bring it into the sunlight. Take it to the beach! Take it to the pond! Get the fuck outta here. If you see someone wearing one of these in public, tackle them. Don’t explain why or say anything about it to them. They deserve it.

4)”It will be the talk of your next tailgate”
This isn’t a lie. If by “talk” you mean being called a “Fucking pussy” for the rest of the day, then yes. It is indeed the talk of the tailgate. and really, who doesn’t want to be the talk of the tailgate? I’m pretty sure unless it’s related to BBQ prowess, no one ever wants to be the talk of the tailgate.

5)It’s got a shit flap in the back, in case all those wings and nacho’s you’ve been eating , while laying on your couch, decide they need to make a mass exodus from you butthole.
I’m almost shocked they didn’t make one with a built in diaper cause getting up and shitting seems like an unfair amount of work for the average Forever Lazy wearer. Exactly how filthy would one of those butt flaps be after a years worth of usage? It’s just not a smart design. I mean, it’s the only thing they could do to make it possible but there is a reason why Onesies don’t usually exist beyond when you are 4 years old. Cause even children put on their big people pants and take pisses and shits like grown ups.

6)The plushies must be mad
Plushies are those people who like to cuddle and fuck in furry animal outfits. They’re basically human stuffed animals but with sex involved. This whole “Forever Lazy” thing has a strong plushie vibe to me. It’s already got a dick hole in the front and , basically, if you throw on a bear or dog mask, it’s the same fucking thing. If I were a plushie, I’d be annoyed by this. It’s taking something I love and trying to make it into something everyone will be doing. Well, don’t worry plushies. People wearing these things stopped using their genitals years ago. It’d basically a genital tomb made of really soft fabric.

Listen, as i said, I’m a lazy , sitting on the couch and watching TV kinda guy. But this thing is too much.There comes a time when seeking out the ultimate comfort is simply crossing a line of good taste. That line is crossed when you’re wearing something with a buttflap that a Jawa would rock on a sand dune.

I feel like this kind of thing speaks of a greater problem with americans. We embrace our bumminess like no other country. I’m all for wearing sweat pants around the house on a freezing february morning. There’s nothing wrong with being comfortable. But when you’re desire for comfort of this sort is so dire that you’re willing to trade in all self respect, it’s too much.
Here’s a novel idea, sit on your couch with a warm beverage, curl up and cover you lazy fucking ass with a blanket. Trust me, they work just fine and you don’t have to feel deep shame if a random friend stops by cause you won’t be wearing a full body voleur baby outfit.

Answers for questions Vol. 51


Hello everyone. I hope you had a lovely summer and all but that shit is pretty much over now. You’re either back to school, back at your shit job, or back from some fancy beach related group/family vacation that you are claiming was “great” (cause that’s what you’re supposed to say) even though you and I both know it was way more stressful and annoying than anything.
So, take a load off and read some dumb answers for dumb questions!
Oh, and please send me more questions. My reserves are running low.
Send them to Phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comments below.
Get on that please cause I need new input to make output.
Anyway, here are this weeks jewelz…


i’m just a mid 30s something aussie dude that grew up in hiphop and just kinda begrudgingly became an adult. I’ve found myself become increasingly interested slash concerned with how fucked up the world and global economy is which is weird cos i never once gave a shit about finance in my 20s. I guess that’s just growing old. but no doubt, things are a diabolical mess right now. The USA is the focal point of everything. My question is, do you pay much attention to this shit? are you concerned, personally about the US entering hyperinflation and general SHTF. It looks very much as though we are about to enter into some hard out 1929 great depression on steroids type shit. It worries me a lot, and i live on the other side of the world in a country that most pundits seem to think will dodge the worst of it. I would appreciate your thoughts on this sobering issue.

Im somewhere in the middle. I don’t really pay attention to it that closely cause it’s one of those things that I have no control over. What’s going to happen will happen…and , trust me, it’s gonna happen. The days of living like Road warrior are not far off. But, in a weird way, it doesn’t effect me that much right now. I’m a musician so my money is coming from other places. I already own my home. I’m pretty aware of my money but anything outside of that is beyond me. I’ll turn on the news or read a paper every now and then (it’s a serious rarity) and be reminded of how fucked up things are getting but after the initial “man, we’re fucked” thought passes, I go back to not thinking about it. It’s just not something controllable enough to even bother wasting time in my day freaking out over it. I’m more focused on keeping up to date with my DVR. You know, living in the now.

I finally got a hold of Party Fun Action Committee today. Me and a buddy gave it a listen through and were thoroughly entertained. On the track Chapstick the emcee that starts everything off sounds a lot like MC Paul Barman- I was wondering if this is actually the case, because the PFAC wiki article lists ‘Sweet Pickles and MC Noel Weissman’ as the contributing artists. If my assumption is correct, what are your thoughts on Barman’s music? He’s probably the whitest rapper I’ve ever heard, but I love how quirky his stuff is.

That skit was 100% inspired by Paul Barman. I mean, it’s pretty obvious. I’ve even met people who actually thought that was him on that song.
I have nothing personal against Barman. I’ve never met him of anything. I think there is humor value to his rapping but I think he may have the all time worst voice in rap. He’s like if the voice black comedians use to make fun of white people came alive and started a rap career. His lyrics are certainly witty but I can’t get past the voice and the flow.

this doesnt fit with this thread but what are your thoughts on this? :http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ul8tSgJGhQ&feature=youtu.be

I think it’s a brilliant song. I hear the music was actually ghost written by Mozart and the lyrics were crafted by a computer created to reenact words shakespeare might have written if he were still alive.
Lyrically, she’s the next big thing. Her flow and execution are out of this world. Topically, I can’t think of anything more pertinent right now. The plight of the american woman told through a strong feminist voice. I give it a 10 out of 10.

Is Tupac the ultimate wigger music?

Hmm…It’s hard to say. There is just so much wigger music out there. But it’s hard to argue his place in the pantheon of whig hero’s. From his clothes, to his attitude to his awkwardly emotional times that let whigs everywhere know “It’s okay to be sad sometimes, even thugs weep” , it’s hard to think of someone else who might be a better choice. The only person I can think of is Eminem. I say this because he was the first fully accepted Whig on a national level. I mean but non-whigz. Sure, 3rd Bass got love but Eminem sold like 10 million records and inspired a whole generation of dudes from places like Wichita to drive around their tiny cow towns like tough guys yelling “I just don’t give a fuck!”.

okay so i mow lawns all day. which sucks. but the awesome thing is i
get to listen to music the whole time i’m doing it. aesop, eyedea,
slug, and you are all on heavy rotation. this leads me to my question:
what are your thoughts on how fucking expensive weed is?

This is a question I’ve covered in many forms on here but it’s been a while since someone bought it up so let me reiterate:
I DON’T SMOKE WEED. So, this aspect of our flailing economy has no effect on me. Same with cigarette prices. That’s on you motherfuckers who are willing to pay for those vices. It’s all good if you are, but it could not be less of an issue to me. I’m equally concerned with the cost of unicorn fur on the planet zlargnerf.

Yo Block, sometimes you tweet about how your ASR-10 eats up floppy disks and overheats ‘n’ shit. My question is, what happens when that thing eventually kicks the bucket? Would you hit up ebay or craigslist for another one? Just stick with some computer software? Or would you say “Fuck this music thing”, and find another job at a local bakery?

I’ve given this a ton of thought cause I constantly feel like my sampler is on it’s last leg. I think I’d very likely get a new one off ebay or something. Lately, I’ve fond myself using more computer software anyway. I pretty much just use the Keyboard for drums, chopping and as a midi source. Everything else is done in Abelton. This is a newer style of process for me but it enables me to make large portions of beats just using my lap top. Like, I can sit on my couch like I’m reading a book and make a beat. It’s almost silly.
Oh, but if this music shit does eventually end, I will be submitting my resume to all local bakeries as, that’s the last job I had and my resume probably couldn’t get me a job as a bathhouse sauna wipe down guy.

Song of the day 9/9/11


Hum Deez Nuts By King Sun
http://limelinx.com/files/6addc3af01521eedbcd26f6720179223

This is one of those songs I just totally forgot about that randomly popped up on my ipod this week. I’ve always been a King Sun fan. This song was a departure from his social minded music , like his biggest hit “Be Black“. For what it’s worth, King sun was a humungous dude (I believe he was around 6’7”) who liked popping shit. This shit popping led him into numerous hip hop related beefs. As conscious a rapper as he could be, I always felt the shit talking suited him perfectly fine. This song is a shining example of that.
If nothing else, it’d got some words of wisdom we can all abide by:
“I never let the worst things in life get the best of me
Take the testes and…uh…open sesame” Word.

Things you should not still be doing past age 30

AUTHORS NOTE: This was written along time ago and has since been updated and reflected on here: https://phatfriend.com/2015/10/30/revisiting-rules-for-30-year-olds/ So, instead of reading this and getting you panties in a bunch about what some stranger said 8 years ago, read that…and perhaps still get your panties in a bunch but, also, feel free to blow it out your ass. Thank you and good day.

Initially, I was gonna make 25 the cutoff age but then I realized I’d be limiting myself. The fact is that 25 years old, while fully adults, are just not quite there yet (neither are 30 year olds either but they’re closer). This means, they still don’t really know shit yet and are prone to still do stupid things that , in reality, only teenagers should be doing. That said, I think if you’re over 25 and doing the things I list below, you’re kind of a dipshit but all hope is not lost. We all make mistakes. You got 5 years to the right the ship. You 30 year olds though? Inexcusable.
Let’s see…

1) Starting new drugs
I don’t mean your meds or things that will make your heart/dick/stomach work better. I’m talking about illegal substances. If you’re 30 plus and have never done coke, why start now? Most drugs are for children. Well, maybe not children but young people. People with nothing to lose and few responsibilities. People who don’t have a career or a family. That’s why, whenever I see some drug addled 22 year old, I don’t really worry about it. But when you see a 35 year old smack addict who’s been doing it since his late teens, it’s a forgone conclusion that that dude is a wrap.
If you’ve always done these drugs, it’s a different story. Granted, I think there is a wall for hard drug usage that most mindful adults should hit. But,if you’ve made it out your 20’s on these drugs, I suppose you’ve somewhat mastered your high (or you’re one of those functional junkies I’ve heard about). That said, 32 year old cokeheads are fucking idiots no matter when the started doing the drugs.
So, if you’re 30 plus , have avoided all that shit in life thus far , you’re doing fine and feel like you need to make your life more extreme, stop what you’re doing and go change you kids fucking diaper or fill out a tax form. You know, boring shit that adults have to do cause they’re adults. Trust me, the hangover for stuff like that is way more tolerable.

2)Getting is fist fights
When you’re young, you’re stupid. You have too much pride and too much energy. You also get too drunk so those three things tend to unite with your ego and form into an asshole version of voltron that results in random scraps with people. That’s fine. Fist fighting is pretty moronic in general cause 9/10 times it’s over some completely pointless thing. But it happens sometimes. Usually to the same people. Anyway, once you reach the ripe age of 30, it’s time to learn to just let things go. Sure, if some dude slapped your girl or did something personally or potentially harmful to you, by all means, beat his ass. But if some dude bumps you at a bar by accident and doesn’t apologize or a pointless conversation elevates into an argument, let it go. Health insurance is still expensive and I doubt you have it anyway. Not to mention, we live in a day and age where it seems like everyone knows some form of martial arts. The MMA craze will result in you getting your ass kicked by some little dude who happens to know brazilian Ju-jitsu.
The real question to the fighters is “what are you proving”? You might as well and go to the bathroom with the guy and measure each others dick cause it’s about the same thing and way less dangerous.

3)Facial/body piercing
You ever see a random old dude who decides to get his ear pierced? He’s like 60 and obviously just hit a wall in life. So he gets a blingy piece of shit in his ear that looks more like something your grandma might wear around her neck. Well, people who feel the need to get weird piercings (anywhere not on the ear) past the age of 30 are no different. While some could say the same for tattoo’s , there’s a difference. Tattoo’s can be cool and actually mean something, where as facial/body piercing has pretty much always been stupid. Also Tattoo’s are actually art. Piercing is just a piece of metal pushed through your skin. By that logic, everyone who’s ever been stabbed to death was simply a beautiful canvas for a murderer/artist.
I’ve played at my fair share of music festivals and this is where this is most common. i’ll see a 40 year old dude with a fresh cheek pierce , earlobes stretched wide enough to make love to and barbells in his nipples.
This kind of self expression is the body modification equivalent to a teenaged girls high school poetry. It’s all heart , no thought and always shitty. I’m not mad at people who get this shit done, I just quietly judge them as the adult children that they are.
Now, if you’ve got pre-existing pierces, that’s different. While, I’d personally say take them out, at this point you’ve probably had them for a decade and they’re a part of you. So, you know, do you. Well, except those huge , stretched out earlobes. They make me wanna barf and look terrible. Please take those out.

4)Going to clubs on the regular
I’m not saying you shouldn’t party after 30. Not at all. Partying after 30 is fun. It’s just , as you get older, the settings of social gatherings change. When you’re 18-23ish , you go to clubs (i guess, I always hated those shit holes but it seems to be still be a thing people do). At that age, it’s exciting and new. Eventually, the clubbing dies down and it turns into bars or mellow house parties. I’d say hitting bars is something you can do forever. Though, as everyone you know gets married and has kids, that slowly transforms into shit like dinner parties, couples nights and the horrific “Game night”. But I digress…
Clubs are for people who care way too much about pointless things. Things like being seen or social status They’re crowded, expensive and full of shitty people and shittier music. On the upside , clubs are where you go to meet a random person to sleep with, without having to do all that “talking” bullshit you might have to if you were in a bar. It’s a great source of one night stands or perhaps laying eyes on a celebrity from 50 feet away…or hell, fucking that celebrity if you’re attractive enough. I refuse to believe anyone ever has actual fun at clubs unless they’re gay dudes dancing all night in chelsea. From the looks of them when they’re walking home at 5 am, those motherfuckers have an amazing time, everytime.
When you hit 30, not only should you not go to those types of places, you should not WANT to go. It’s just straight up unappealing. Not to mention, the famous old “You don’t wanna be the old guy at the club” joke , that will always hold true.

5)Taking leisurely sports super seriously
It’s truly a spectacle to see a 45 year old man scream to the point of a near stroke over a foul call in pick up basketball. I know some people are hyper competitive and that never goes away. But I’m more talking about the rage. Rage has it’s time and place…and it’s not during a game of beer league softball. Relax, dude. No one here is getting paid and there is no glory to be had. Just use this as a fun way to exercise so you can eat some unhealthy shit later that day. That’s all we really have when we’re not professional athletes. The hope that we can not get really fat but still eat food that tastes good by exercising in a fun way. Winning is cool and all but really, I’d rather just get to eat the unhealthy food.

6)Blind musical idealism
It saddens me when I meet a dude well into his 30’s that’s complaining about commercial hip hop or whatever. That’s not his fight to fight. Really, it’s no one’s fight to fight but he should be old enough to see that. We all value music and want it to keep its ideals (that we have created for it). Unfortunately,music is just gonna keep changing while we get older and more removed from it. The same way some old rap guys are looking at someone like Tyler the Creator in disgust, is how your parents parents were looking at the Beatles once they grew their hair long. Not comparing the two, I’m just saying, as people over 20, It’s not our game to officiate. We’re entitled to dislike all of it though. It’s just the complaining part that’s a waste of time.

7)Dressing like an 18 year old
Nothing wrong with being a fashionable 30 plus. As someone who’s basically dressed the same since I was 12 (albeit with varying sizes of jeans and types of t-shirts), I’m really in no position to scold a 30 year old for how they dress. I’m more talking about these youthful fashion trends that pop up. Like when REALLY Skinny jeans were the look. They were basically denim spandex. To see grown, out of shape 30 somethings clinging to their youth by wearing those things, was heart breaking (not really, but it made me think they were dickheads).
There are some styles that will pop up that are strictly for the young. Much like music, it’s not our 30-plus year old job to contend or stay relevant in that type of realm. All we can do is dress how we see appropriate for someone who is no longer doing tons of drugs, going clubbing, getting into fights and arguing the tenants of true lyricism.

I think what this all comes down to is , as you get older, you realize how little most things matter. Things that really used to rile you up now bring about a feeling of utter indifference. That’s a big part of getting old. Some would say that a person losing their fire and inspiration but I see it more as just settling down. Becoming grounded and more logical in your actions.
As those trite things fade to the background, the few things that do matter actually become your main focus. Making a living. Your family. Your friends. You’re own mental stability. Everything else is just some kiddie shit. Except blogging, of course. That’s some grown man shit right there.

Free illogic album! you should download it, bro.


As some of you may know, I’ve been working on music with my man Illogic. We have a ton of songs recorded and plans of releasing an album titled “capture the sun”as well as some bonus Ep’s (we have that much music made). He recently made an older album of his available for download so I figured I’d give you guys the heads up.
Here are his words on the history behind the album:
http://illogicaltrainofthought.blogspot.com/2011/07/year-8076-lost-album-video-shoot-and.html

Here’s a direct link to the download:
http://illogic.bandcamp.com/album/year-8076

Enjoy!