Happy Halloween, here’s a song…

I’m not gonna lie, I’m hungover and kinda busy today so I don’t have time to write a whole post up. Instead, I’m gonna give away some music I made…This is a Halloween mash up I made a year ago. I originally played it at a halloween party in denver and that was it. I posted it before but that link is down so , I figured I probably have enough new readers since last year that giving it away again won’t really bum anyone out. So, here ya go:

Lazy ass halloween costumes

Listen, I’m not really a halloween guy. I don’t really dress up and when I do it involves minimal props and clothes I already own. Last year, I went as a “scum bag”. This basically was me, with a wig on, a fake moustache , some sunglasses and a cheesy suit. It was this:

That’s about as much work as I’m willing to put into it (and that’s easily the most work I’ve ever put into a halloween costume in my life). So, for all you lazy fucks, I understand. I’m one of you.
So, with halloween coming , I figured I’d help you lazy half assed halloween people out with picking costumes that , while extremely mediocre, will technically get the job done.


This is the go too lazy costume for anyone who ever owned JNCO jeans. If, at any point you went to rave and didn’t throw the clothing out, just throw on some old JNCO’s that the moths in your closet have been fucking in for a decade, get a huge t-shirt with a stupid cartoon on it, find a silly futuristic jester hat and eat candy. Viola! You’re a raver.

2)A dead (fill in the blank)

You could be a dead version of anything.If you work in finance , you could be a “Dead Financier” simply by dressing how you normally would but making yourself paler than normal and maybe putting some fake blood on your face. Boom!
Hell, you could even be really inventive and just be a dead raver. Cause, really, everyone can appreciate that.

3)Occupy wall street person

I 100& Guarantee this will be the go-to lazy fuck costume of this year. It will literally be people dressing like they do on laundry days. Basically just dress like you’re attending a music festival in portland and make a political sign. Wham-o! Costume done.

4)90’s hip hop guy

I feel like my readership will have the easiest time with this one. Just grab those tims, those super baggy jeans you wore like 4 years ago, maybe a columbia parka? Helly Hanson even…really, whatever you wore from 95-2004. any of that will work. The fact is that normal people dressing like that ,at this point, has literally become a costume.

5)A sexy anything (for women only)

Easily the most played out costume ever but no one with a penis is ever complaining. Just put on as little as you can handle (weather appropriate) and throw some stupid cats ears or a tail on…That’s it. Really, you could walk around with your vagina splayed open and be a “Pap smear” and no one would complain. Just bring mace. This is obviously something only girls can do cause guys can’t walk around with their dicks out. It’s too cold and that person will very likely be beaten to death by a crew of angry drunk dudes in “scream” masks.

6)Just get a mask

Any mask will do. You don’t even need to coordinate with your clothes. The downside of masks are that
a)They’re uncomfortable
b)They make binge drinking a lot harder
c)It’s hard to get some of that halloween pussy if you’re covering your face.
But, on the bright side, they’re easy, you can always take them off and if you’re one of those people with a great body and a terrible face, it could work in your favor. Just don’t be bummed when the person you meet asks you to keep the mask on ala revenge of the nerds.
Also , this costume is particularly great if you are planning on committing criminal acts. Not only does it hide your identity, but when a pack of dudes in masks or walking through the train, laws seem to no longer apply to that train car. Beware.

7)Dress vaguely like a famous person
Put on a hawaiian shirt! Boom, you’re magnum P.I. and/or Tyler Durdon.
Stuff like that is especially easy if you resemble this famous person. If someone has ever told you look like Ron Pearlmen
instead of killing yourself cause they just said that, just throw on a leather vest, draw on a tattoo and , BLOWWWW, you’re one of the Sons of Anarchy

The moral of this costume is to work with what you’re given.

8)Be a fat version of something

Much like the dead person , the fat person can be achieved easily as well. You work at Foot locker? Throw a pillow in your shirt and all of a sudden, you are a “fat foot locker employee” (or a fat referee, same thing).
Better yet, if you’re already fat, just put on anything normally worn by someone skinnier and, Ba-dow, you now have a costume. You can be a fat sailor. Or a fat drummer. The world is your oyster. And Fried oysters are your shit.

9) Be an “athlete”

If you think about it, this may be the laziest of all costumes for a dude to wear. Literally putting on your gym clothes or your softball team shirt and saying “I’m a baseball player”. Just add some accessories and no one will argue. I mean, look at you! you have a baseball glove AND a sweatband around your wrist. You’re a regular Wade boggs!

10)Homeless guy

This is kinda like taking the occupy wall street costume to the extreme. Just throw on like 40 pieces of clothing at once until you look like walking pile of laundry. Add “filth” and , there ya go, you are a homeless guy. As an added effect, drag around a bag of cans behind you all night. It’ll be a pain in the ass but it will also sell the costume way harder.

Song of the day 10/27/11

Emcees By Roc Marciano
I’ve been running Roc Marciano’s album “Marcberg” a lot lately. It took me a little time to “get it”, in the sense that I thought he was just kind of a typical Queens rap dude with a really bad choice of rap name. In fact, I’d been hearing his name for a long time but never bothered to check him out cause I was biased against rappers who name themselves after italian people. But, once I realized he was actually extremely dope and , possibly, one of the last guys doing real official NYC street shit, I was hooked. People speak of “Winter music” and this album is that to a tee.
However , this song of the day is something a little different. I don’t even remember where I got this from but I’m pretty sure it’s somewhat older than most of the stuff he did on “Marcberg”. It’s also somewhat happier. Maybe that’s why it didn’t make the album? Whatever the case, I like it.

As a bonus, while we’re on the topic of NYC street shit , I just wanted to post this video of “Cold Facts” By K.A.

If you’re an extreme hip hop nerd you might recognize the name from some old Natural elements songs. He was the raspy voiced guy that you probably always wished wasn’t on the song. Well, it’s like 14 years later and , I gotta say, dude has improved greatly. The vibe of this song is straight ominous and he kills it. Much like the Winter music by Roc , this is something I can see myself blasting in my Ipod while trudging through snowy streets at 1 am.

Allow me to shit on NYC for second

^This may be the biggest problem with NYC, all wrapped up in one music video.

If there is one thing I have any pride in, it’s NYC. If you’ve read this blog for a while you’d know that I’m blindly loyal to this city and have been for as long as I’ve been aware of what
“pride” is. If New York City were it’s own country, I’d be that Gun rack having Yokel with NYC flag stickers all over my pick up truck blasting the newest Pro-New York Country song. However, I am a Libra. And even though that actually means nothing in real life, anyone who follows signs will tell you we are all about the scales. Ask any girl. She’ll tell you. I may seem very opinionated (I am) but I’m very much a person who weighs things out. Because of this, even I am able to admit that NYC is full of faults. Keep in mind, this isn’t about New yorkers (whom I’m sure you all think are smug assholes with inflated self importance issues) but about the city itself. So, let me tell you my beefs with the greatest city on the planet…

1)Mexican food

You’re probably thinking “how dare this dude start a list of complaints off with something as meaningless as food?” Well, for one, I love food that much and secondly, this is NYC. THere is no excuse for this shit.grh
We’ve got tons of mexicans here. Obviously, not on the same level as California but enough that you’d think I would be able to find a decent taco in NYC. When I go out west, the cheapest, crappiest taco truck>>>>>anywhere here. It’s insane. It’s not like motherfuckers are hiding the recipe. This shouldn’t be that hard. Just open a bunch of “Poquito Mas” out here and get it over with.
I feel deep shame when someone asks me “Hey where’s a good place to get a burrito around here?” and I point to a fucking Chipotle. What kind fo Mall life bullshit is that?
Lately, things have been slightly improving. There are a handful of spots and a bunch of taco trucks, but still, even those places aren’t shit compared to the most mediocre place out west. Step it up, ese.

2)Live shows suck here
The Vibe when you see live music here is a bummer. It’s really the only major city I can think of where people are seemingly “over” live music yet, they still go. I can honestly say one of the best things about all these out of town transplants is that they’ve bought their out of town show seeing values to NYC. It’s desperately needed.
More often than not, at every show, there will be a small core of people up front enjoying themselves. Dancing, fist pumping or whatever it is people like to do at shows. However, outside that little group, are a bunch of people with their arms folded staring down their noses at the performer on some “entertain me , you clown!” type shit. I’m guilty of this too. I’ve been that guy in the back quietly watching since i was a kid. I feel like I can blame NY for that. They set the precedent from a young age and I followed.
When you go to shows in other cities or towns, it’s a whole new world. People dancing all over. Fucking hula hoop sections. Stoned out drug addicts just waving around in deep bliss. That kinda shit just isn’t in the blood of New yorkers and it’s a shame. It makes for a better experience for all those involved (well, maybe not the hula hooping).

CMJ is NY’s music festival. The word “Festival” is a stretch though, as that word brings to mind fun. Sure, lots of bands play around town , new and old. For many of them, it’s a really big deal to finally get to play in NYC. But the reality is depressing. Granted, I stopped going/doing to CMJ shows years ago for good reason. All my memories of these shows consist of an artist playing while a room of people who could care less drink and talk loudly to each other with their back facing the stage. It’s the type of place where two people will sit on stage next to each other and have an loud conversation while someone is performing about 3 feet away from them. I can say as a person who does shows that nothing is more offensive than that. I don’t care how green or shitty an artist is, no one deserves that kinda fuckery.
CMJ, in my experience, is a shmooze-fest that is full of the worst types of industry people you can imagine. No acts get broken. Nothing comes from it. It’s bullshit. I’m sure this is easily related to the whole “Live shows suck here” point but still, it’s no excuse for this festival to be as lame as it is.

4)The edge is gone
This is more of a wistful point by someone who was around before the city became what it is now. It’s also the most common complaint by all New Yorkers. Even the ones who’ve lived her for three years and have no fucking clue what they’re talking about.
As much as I stand by my city and feel it’s #1, there is no denying that it’s not the cutting edge anymore. once the element of danger was removed, it kinda sucked the wind out of the balance this city once had. What was once randomly violent, yet edgy became safe and sterile.
A month or so ago, there was a weekend where like 49 people were shot in New York. It was a record breaking crime wave the likes NYC hadn’t seen in decades. While this is pretty horrifying, I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t a part of me that was kinda like “A little fear never hurt anybody…“. That’s a pretty fucked up thought but I feel like the NYC I once knew and lived in is so far gone now, the only thing that could get it back would be a zombie attack or a city wide gang war. Wishful thinking, I suppose.

5)Fuck your mom and pop stores
One of the greatest things about NY in the past was the small businesses. Great little restaurants and specialty stores were every where. When I was a kid, there was a store near my crib that sold old ass army figurines. Nothing else. It had been open since like the 1950’s. Or baseball card stores. Things like that. Sure, these things are completely of no use to me or most people but the fact they existed and were able to stay open was always great to me.

Now they’re all closed and have become Starbucks, banks or drug stores. I realize there are millions of people on this tiny island, but no one needs THAT many banks , coffee, or drug stores. At any point, I could probably see at least 3 or 4 or these on any given corner in manhattan.
Even worse is that a lot of the places that were once occupied by specialty stores are just closed down empty property. The rent got raised, the store got closed and now it’s just an empty slot on the sidewalk. Might as well have kept the figurines.

6)It’s too expensive.
Forget the price of rent…It’s not even worth discussing. But i’ve come to grips with NYC’s insanely high cost of living as “Paying for location, not lifestyle.” If you’re willing to pay a shitload for a small studio apartment just so you can live in lower Manhattan, more power to you. I’d do it too…but beyond those ridiculous costs, it’s the other ridiculous costs. When I go out of town, I feel like I’m spending money in a third world country. 75 cents for a can of soda??? A $4 mixed drink? A meal that costs under 20 bucks? What planet am I on?
I hear Cigarettes are like 11 bucks now in NYC. How crazy is that? That’s over 50 cents per cig. I bet you could by a carton in West Virginia for like 14 dollars. It’s nuts. It’s also what made a place that used to be where an artist could come live and scrape by become a place where artists come to get their dreams crushed before moving to Portland and opening a Pilates studio. Shit is real (expensive).

7)You can’t find good help
You will never meet a more entitled and obnoxious workforce than the people who work shitty jobs in NYC. The Cashiers, the take out counter people, the coffee shops assholes…all of them. These are jobs that, when you go to other places, you are greeted with a smile. I recall eating at a MCDonalds in the midwest and just being blown away by how helpful people were. Out here, it’s like I can’t ask for my change back without feeling like I’m really putting this person out.
I’ve been all over the country and this seems to be a NY specific thing. It transcends race and culture. The Hipster dude at the boutique coffee shop is just as likely to be as big a dickhead as the thugged out dude working the register at Burger king. It’s this “I’m above this job so fuck you” attitude. Being a person who has worked jobs like this, I can say, it’s not fucking hard to be polite. Smile, say hi and thank you. some people deserve to be unemployed.

8 ) Rap-wise, there is no community
I’m pretty far removed from giving a shit about what the music scene is like and who’s down with who but , as long as I can remember, there has always been a divide for rap dudes from NYC. Whether it be what borough or genre, the support has always been limited. Meanwhile, you go to a place like the Bay Area and you got dudes like E-40 bigging up Blackalicious or out in L.A. , Snoop dog cosigning Murs. That kinda shit goes a long way , yet that line of thought is apparently lost on New Yorkers.

I’m sure there are more but I’m blanking out right now. Feel free to add on…but only if you’re a new yorker cause I don’t truly give a shit what some dude from Ottawa thinks about my city.

Peep this Remix I Did!

My Homeboy’s Blue Sky Black Death produced an awesome album for rapper Nacho Picasso called “For the glory“. Here’s a song from that (that you can download for free from the link above. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IUiv4Q3LRc

I did a remix for his song “Benjamin Segal” that is available for free download here:

GO get it, son!!!

Answers for questions Vol. 57

Hello everyone. This week I’m pretty heavy on the videos. Why not? For some reason , many of this weeks questions were in reference to other peoples music so I figured I might as well share, while I care, cause sharing is caring.
Anyway, as always, send more questions to Phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comments below.
Let’s goooooooo!

Hey Blockhead, I’m making a mix CD for a CD exchange on this forum I post on. It’s a fun way to get exposed to new music. Anyway, I usually throw a Blockhead track or two on my mixes, since I’m a fan and I like to share the love. Figured I’d ask you: what track do you think is a good intro to what you’re all about? Or to put it more straightforward: what track would you like me to put on a mix CD? Keep in mind, a total stranger will be hearing the mix, and there’s a chance they might not even like instrumental hip hop/trip hop/whatever genre you’re being shoehorned into nowadays.

That’s a tough call cause what I think is great doesn’t always translate to what someone who’s never heard my shit before. If I were to go off of what fans like the most, it would easily be “Sunday Seance” or “Insomniac Olympics”. But, personally, I’m so sick of those songs I can’t even judge them clearly at this point. If it were on me, I’d say “Expiration date”, “The Strain” , and “Farewell spaceman” are the ones I think give a good insight to the kinda shit I make.

do you like watching judge judy?

I rarely watch any of those judge shows unless I’m stuck in a hotel with shitty cable. It’s not that I don’t like them but they’re just all the same. I actually wrote a whole piece on it a while back:Here.
That should pretty much cover it.

Has macklemore’s career already peaked?

I really hope so. I hadn’t heard of him till a few weeks ago and it definitely wasn’t my thing. What’s up with this new genre of white rappers who do that “breathless” style? It sounds like they’re rapping after running a marathon. Jay-Z was doing it recently too and it sucked for him as well. You want the real breathless style? Take it back to the originator!

Which rapper from your past are you most surprised by their mainstream america success? And which do you think has been the most successful. Seems like a lot of rap cats (Dre, Andre 300, Common, Ice-T, Ice Cube, Snoop, etc, etc) have been randomly popping up on TV, Movies, Commercials, etc.. not that this is a new fad, just curious.

I’m legitimately shocked that Fat Joe got as popular as he did. Not only that but that he stuck around. So many great rappers have come and gone over the last 15-20 years but somehow, he’s managed to not only still put out music that people buy, but make more hits now than when he was younger. He may not be the most successful but he overshot his potential by fucking lightyears.
When I think about the first time I heard him , I was in high school. I thought he had dope beats but was a terrible rapper who got by solely on being crazily thugged out. Flash forward 18 years and this dude has made 10 fucking albums and has platinum hits. It’s amazing. I’m not even mad. Though part of me feels like he must have strong armed the industry…That , or he’s just kinda a cool ass dude that people like working with. I’ve actually heard that about him (as well as him being a ruthless gangster). Who knows?

question: do you ever feel like you hitched your musical ride to the wrong cariage (sp)? Yeah, ninja tune was sweet for a minute, and they put out your shit, but i feel like if you’d hitched yourself to strangefamous, or fakefour, or rhymesayers, or fieldwerks, or some other US based indie hip-hop label post-defjux you would have been put in contact with a serious roster of dope mc’s/producers with which to throw beats, remixes, or collaberations at. I try to stay up on shit that might be coming around new, old, reinvented, or whatever….and i never hear anything about ninja tune. Fieldwerks has been blowing up my musical library on the production tip, and i just feel like your talents are getting squandered in some shitty english slapstick comedy label, rather then thrown into sampler compilations with the likes of………basically the entire fieldwerks roster……..fuck it, no joke, i’m all over their musical dicks……..all their shit is dope……..and you need to get down with them. do it. feel free to consider this not a question, but a statement.

First off, I’ve never heard of fieldworks. So, take that as you will.
As for Ninja Tune, I really don’t have many complaints. As someone who dealt with numerous labels, they’ve been pretty great. They’re creative, they are sufficient and they pay on time. Those things are highly under rated in terms of what labels give you. Back when I got signed (2003) all those labels you listed either didn’t exist or weren’t what they were today. I had a record deal with ninja tune for many albums and when that was done, they were the ones who were gonna pay me better than anyone else and why would I turn that down? They’re super professional and , believe it or not, have clout. Sure, signing to a US based label would be cool but the fact of the matter is my albums would still be available in the same places. And nowadays, getting your CD in stores doesn’t matter anyway.
I think I’ve done pretty well with Ninja. 4 albums in 7 years? I can live with that happily.
On a side note, this question reminds me of when I’m working the merch booth at a show and someone comes up to give me a pound, but instead they opt to works their weird agenda into the brief meeting. Like someone will come up to me and try to get me to talk shit about Aesop or Murs cause they assume “we’re on the level” but in reality, they just wanna hear me say I have the same taste and music ideals as they do (Which I most certainly never do). I’m glad you like Fieldworks. Like I said, no clue what that is but I’m sure it’s fine. But , as long as the music gets released to the public and you don’t have a hard time finding it, it really shouldn’t effect you as a listener. Same music either way.

Since the NBA season is kaput, what’s the chances you’re gonna start
watching more hockey?

There’s still hope for some basketball. I’d guess we’ll be back by January , at the latest…But still, I can’t lie, this is fucking annoying. I really only watch basketball and a little baseball. I feel like a huge chunk of my year has been taken away from me. Not only that, I’m having Fantasy basketball withdrawal like a motherfucker. On the bright side, my girl could not be happier.

Yo block i got a question. I know your a fan of breaking bad, what did you think of the season finale? It was pretty sick. Any thoughts on next seasons storyline?

Holy shit. The last 6 episodes of this season may very well be the best 6 episodes of TV ever. Right up there with Season 4 of The Wire. I can’t believe how great they were. I thought the finale was awesome. Not much to say about it without giving it away (for those who haven’t seen it) but everything fell into place beautifully. As for next season, it’s safe to say it’ll be Walt Vs. Jesse plus Hank. I can’t wait…

Quickfire round:
What’s your favorite part of the video for Safety Dance by Men Without Hats?

The midgets, obviously.

You talk about your experience going to school in Boston, anything you actually liked about Boston? (Aside from how superior the sports teams are to any others, of course.)

First off, fuck you. Secondly, I liked the food there. Great CHOWDAH DOOOD!

Favorite MOP song?
Not only my favorite but if I was a boxer, this would 100% be my entrance music.

Ask Dr. Tony Vol. 7

I got my tongue depressor and my stethoscope. Time to get my doctor on.
Some good questions this week. As always, send me more questions (if you need advice in matters of the heart) to phatfriendblog@gmail.com
The doctor is always in…

ok you like a girl, totally digging her vibe but you have been placed
in the friend zone after a hook up between the 2 of you…
what would you do to get out the friendzone and get the girl???

The friend zone is often impenetrable. If it happens after a hook up, that usually means she’s flipped the switch and you might as well chop your dick off in her presence.
The only possible light at the tunnel would be try and play on the natural insecurity most girls have and either
A)Act like it doesn’t phase you and try to make her jealous (thought this is pretty fucking childish and more likely the type of shit a girl would do to a guy)
b)Just stop fawning over her. Be friendly and whatever but don’t treat her how you would someone you deem as a potential mate. That indifference can often be all it takes. On the downside, she might not give a fuck and you and her will end up not being friends at all. So, you know, approach with caution.

I was at the strip club the other night and one of my buddies bought me a lap dance. Awesome first sentence haha.. anywayy me and the girl went back to the private dance area she gave me a dance and what not and we talked when it was over and she ended up putting her number in my phone. On my way home from the bar that night I texted her and set up a date for a few days later. We hung out and she is actually a pretty cool chick. Im wondering what your opinion on dating a stripper is? Is there a chance she is different from most strippers? Does she have a soul? Can I bring her home and not have my roomates instantly think that I have the clap when she leaves?

Personally, 90% of the strippers I’ve ever met have been terrible people. Like truly despicable humans. So, I might be biased. But , I suppose it’s possible there are cool strippers out there.
I don’t doubt that fairly tale “hooker with the heart of gold” exists. She could very well just be a student trying to pay her loans. Or she could be a very crafty crazy person who’s gonna turn on you one night and stab your dick. You never really know?

The real problem with normal dudes dating strippers is that you gotta deal with what they do for a living. Every night, she’s giving dudes lap dances, rubbing boners, and slapping her tits around guys faces. All these things may be meaningless to her but if you’re at all a jealous or insecure type, it’s not gonna work. Beyond that, if you’re worried about how your friends (or family) might react to you dating a stripper, then I’m gonna guess it’s not a good match for you. In reality, dudes that date strippers aren’t really concerned with that kinda shit cause they’re in similar circles. They don’t have parents who put them through college who expect their son to bring home a sweet, innocent girl.
Oh, and think about this, you met her and got her number while she was working. How easy was it? isn’t that odd to you that you could just bag a stripper like that? I’m just saying. Be wary. She might be dating like 8 dudes for all you know. All the strippers I know say they wouldn’t date dudes they do dances for cause, well, they’re in a strip club. Kinda makes sense if you think about it.

So I’m kinda dating this guy, it’s uncanny how similar we are and how well we get along. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who is as perfect for me as he is. I’m pretty sure he’s clinically depressed (or whatever happens to some single men after they hit 30).. He seems very jaded and is pretty pessimistic. I don’t really care ’cause I think brooding middle aged men are kind of hot in a way. I’m also pretty sure he likes me the same way that I do him, but I think he might be afraid because all of his relationships were pretty shitty and women have fucked him over really badly. So, I like him, he likes me.. Why aren’t we together? Well, he has a few other girls that he still fucks/dates and can’t get rid of because they’re emotionally attached (or so he says, and I’m paraphrasing hugely here) I’m not a jealous girl/don’t really care that he’s fucking other people ’cause we’re not together, I understand that people have baggage and what have you and maybe if I give him more time, it’ll happen eventually. He also says he’s not ready to be in a relationship (this is where I think him being depressed comes in) even though he can commit to one girl, despite the fact he says he wants a girlfriend. However, he wants me to stop seeing other people. He says it’s for safety reasons, but I know it’s because he wants to have his cake and eat it too. With what you said about having him in my back pocket, I know that I’m attached and if I date any other guys, I will always be thinking of him and I wouldn’t want to lead anyone on or anything like that because it’s just unfair. So, I’ve decided to be monogamous because of that (and because I don’t want to be with anyone else) So my question is, am I being stupid? Am I setting myself up? Could it be that he’s evil and keeping me around for his amusement and sexual satisfaction? Or is he just depressed and doesn’t know what he wants?

Yes. You are being stupid. You’re leading with your emotions and ignoring all rational thought. If he wants a girlfriend, and wanted to be with you, he’d be with you. It’s simple.
I don’t think he’s evil, I think he just likes fucking you and you two get along well enough that he sees no reason to end it.
Guys are egomaniacs about pussy. We want it all. So, if he knows he’s got you locked down and you’re still cool with him fucking other girls, why one earth would he want to change that? Like you said, he’s having his cake and eating it too.
As for his depression playing a role, I dunno. You say he’s depressed cause he’s jaded and pessimistic…But I’m jaded and pessimistic and I’m one of the genuinely happiest people I know. Those two things are being depressed, they’re being old. So, I feel like you might be saying that he’s depressed cause it gives you a glimmer of hope that his inability to commit is temporary.
The only way you get this guy to even blink is if he becomes the chaser. Make him want you. Date other dudes. Don’t give him sad doe eyes and try to make him fall in love with you. Men’s ego’s react to rejection and , often, it will make us reevaluate our stance on a girl. Basically, as long as he’s in the drivers seat, you will never be anything more than the girl he fucks once or twice a week.

Do you believe in a male biological clock? I’m 30, been in two long-term relationships over the last decade, then spent a couple years single and fucking around. Last month I started seeing a girl who I’m real keen on, and I’ve got an urge to get her pregnant straightaway. Never felt that before. It was always a very rational thing, where I’d say “if I did want kids, I’d probably adopt. blah blah.” I should also add that she’s what I would call the first “woman” I’ve been in a relationship with, as opposed to the “girls” I usually get wrapped up with. To complicate things, we’re doing a long-distance thing for the first 9 months of the relationship, which is why I’m suspicious of my impulses.

Hmm…I feel like having kids is more something dudes come to terms with. I don’t know a single guy who’s like “I can’t wait to have kids!”. Most are like “I will someday be a father and that’s okay”. Maybe you’re just finally in a relationship that you’re happy with and you see a future with the girl. That kinda thing makes sense and kids are easily an extension of that.
As for Biological clock, it’s not really a man’s problem as we can keep making babies well into our 50’s and 60’s. For us, there is no clock.

So here’s the situation, I go to school up in Boston just like a young Blockhead. I’m on the T (you know I’m talking about) one Friday afternoon and as I get closer to my stop I’m kind of playing some eye games with the girl sitting across the aisle from me. So anyway we both happen to get off at the same stop (up on the street level stops above ground) and walk in the same direction. So as we get to the corner I give her a smile and she asks me for directions, apparently she just moved up, and apparently we’re both grad students in the same field she just started and I’m a year in (different schools though..Boston has mad schools, bro.) Anyway we live close I’m just right down the street so when we get to her place she asks for my number. So she went home for the weekend but hit me up the whole time via text. The texts actually started immediately, maybe an hour or two after I gave her my number. Tonight (Sunday) she called me out of the blue and I too am one of those dudes who just does not prefer the phone call, especially with someone I just met… for 2 minutes. Well Block, my question: is this girl crazy OR are there at least signs that point to crazy? Here are the facts: she was the aggressor, i just gave her some eyes; she gave me some corny direction thing as a ploy to talk to me (a dude she had seen checking her out on a train); she hit me up immediately; she called me (at midnight) after 2 days of meeting me walking down the street. So, pretty forward right? I mean its cool and all having a girl step to me without putting in any kind of work whatsoever, but stuff like this obviously doesn’t happen too much so is there a reason for that?

I’d fuck her, but proceed with caution. Let her lead where it goes cause that way you can always hit the breaks if it gets weird without feeling like you led her on. She may be just looking for the booty call hook up…or she might me a huge whore. Whatever the case, feel it out more before you are totally scared off.
My main advice would be to just keep everything honest with her. As long as you’re clear about your intentions, she can never claim to be misled. If she wants something different than you, politely bow out. How bad could it be? She’s just some girl you met on the train. No big loss.

Song of the day 10/20/11

Time to Build (Marsalis remix) By Dark Sun Riders
Like Most white kids my age who were listening to hip hop in the late 80’s early 90’s, X-Clan was a confusing group. They were as pro-black as it got and, seemingly, were not very fond of us whites (Or “polar bears” as they referred to us in their songs). The problem was that they made such awesome music, it was just one of those “Grin and take it” kinda situations. Personally, it never really bothered me that much cause, you know, we kinda had it coming. By “we” , I mean white people. We were due to get shit on and who better to do that then the fantastic Brother J.

Enter the Dark Sun Riders. This was Brother J’s solo album after X-Clan stopped making records. While the production that made X-Clan was certainly missed, J still had it as a rapper. Shit, I bet he’s still dope now even.
To this day, I can’t say there’s really any rapper like him. You certainly won’t hear many people say “oh, that guy sounds like Brother J” cause no one does.
So, here’s a dope Dark Sun Riders song for you to enjoy. Even you white motherfuckers.

The porn star Questionnaire: Kristina Rose

If you’ve been reading this blog for a little while, you might have noticed that I’m a fan of porn. Like David Cross once said “I like to use it to masturbate to”.
Now, before I get into this, I want to 100% admit, this idea is a total rip off of what my Girls Desboobs and GlossyLoca did on their blog “The Boobs” a while back, In fact, it’s even the same girl. But, you know what? I’m a dude and I got a different angle on this. I also plan on doing more installments of this with other porn stars as well as people who work in other parts of the sex industry. If you’re at all like me, you find that shit fascinating. I made up these questions just to get an insight on , not only the business of porn but the girls themselves. I really asked them to be honest and not treat this like a penthouse forum letter. Thus far, they’ve obliged and have been totally awesome. (PS: if you are a porn actress or work in the sex industry and would like to fill out the questionnaire, hit me up at Phatfriendblog@gmail)

So, the first subject is the Lovely Kristina Rose. She was cool enough to take the time and answer this long ass Questionnaire and , for that, I owe her a Mcdonalds dinner (I swear, that was what she wanted).
Here’s a clip of her playing an amazingly accurate Elaine from the Seinfeld porno

Kristina Rose



Where you from?
100% Southern Cali Girl OC/SD/LA

About a girl:

Do you read much?
I like to read but I don’t get the chance to read as much as I’d like. My favorite is Bukowski.

Do you watch a shit load of TV? If so, what shows?
Yes! I do! I watch really bad reality TV. Bad Girls Club, Bait Car, Real Housewives of Whatever fucking city (except NJ & OC, They’re kinda boring), Jersey Shore, Maury Povich, any True Life, Toddlers and Tiaras, Wipeout, RuPaul’s Drag Race, Top Model, Project Runway, Cops, Cheaters. I watch a lot of crap.

Do you watch porn on your own time?
Mostly just for research now. Not really too much for pleasure anymore. lol.

What kind of music do you listen to mostly?
I listen to everything even the crap. I mostly like like listening to old motown stuff and old music from the 90’s. I like old music more than new music.

How often do you exercise?
Never. Just whatever exercise I get at work.

Can you do 10 man style push ups?
I don’t think so and I’m not about to get up and try either.


What’s your type? (IE: Skater, tHug, rock dude, MMA fighter, Nerd, Questionably straight)
I don’t have a certain type of look I go for. I’ve dated all kinds of guys. I’m more about personality. I like cool guy. I like funny too. AND CONFIDENCE is a MUST. I can’t be fucking with insecure dudes. That’s a no go. Total turn off. Also my type must have a job, car & got some stuff going on… Not a bum. Kind of a dick (only kinda tho.. just enough to keep me interested). I am partial to artistic types and I’m super attracted to ambitious guys.

What’s good height for a dude?
I like guys that are a head taller than me at least. I’m 5’1 so almost everyone is tall to me.

You down with fat guys?
I’m not trying to bang the fattest man in the world but I’m down with guys that are thick. lol. Some of my friends call me a chubby chaser. I do usually like guys that have a mini layer of fat. Not OBESE! But I can get down with a Jonah Hill mid weight-loss, maybe even pre.

What race is your favorite? (it’s ok, no one will think you’re racist)
lol. I don’t think I have a favorite race. I think white guys have the hardest time trying to approach me tho, because every horrible exboyfriend I ever had was a white guy so I’m kinda unconsciously prejudice against white guys I think.

How important is a male’s body hair situation?
I’m kinda big on this. I hate, hate, HATE when a man is shaving all his hair off &/or doing way too much manscaping. Men are supposed to be hairy. That’s why girls like them. If I wanted to be with something smooth, soft and not hairy I would be a lesbian. Men that shave too much or are too into body hair removal are suspect. In my opinion at least.

Girls always talk about how important a guys hands are. That’s bullshit, right?
Haa, haa. I don’t think a man’s hand size has too much to do with anything. But I will admit a dude with really tiny hands is kinda creepy to me. I can’t fuck with that. IDK, I’m kinda into hands lately. I like them super big so I can really feel like a woman when they are pushing me around and holding me down. 😛

This is a hot topic for men. Pretty much, no matter what they say, every dude alive wants to know these answers cause we’re all obsessed with our own penis. Is it childish? fuck yeah. But trust me, this will be the most closely read part of this entire interview. PLEASE be honest.

If you had to pick, 5 inches and thick or 10 inches and thin?
There’s two different types of girls. Girls that prefer fat and girls that prefer long. I’m more concerned with length than girth. But I have girlfriends that don’t like long dicks or skinny dicks. They’d rather have it short and fat. Basically, penis’s are to women what boobs are to men. Some guys like tiny perky, some guys like big and fake or big and real. Some girls like a lot of length. Some girls would rather have it short and fat. Me, I wanna feel that shit so deep in my vag.. I wanna feel it come out my throat through my asshole. ;P

On a scale of one to ten, how much does size really matter to you?

On a scale of 1-10 on how much does size really matter to me I’d have to say: 8 1/2.
I’ve dated guys that were on the smaller/more normal side and have had good sex. BUT It’s not the same as having good sex with a guy that has a big dick. And I have a tendency to be more considerate/more respectful towards a dude on the day to day if he’s got that big giant make me cum like crazy dick. It’s just fact. I’ll take more shit from a dude if the dick is good.

Name a porn guy who’s dick is too big (if there is such a thing)
I’ve worked with a lot of big dudes. I don’t really think there is such a thing as a dick being too big. But definitely, I need to be in the right mood to take guys like Mandingo, Lexington Steel, Nacho Vidal, Manuel Ferrara. I think those are the biggest guys I’ve worked with.

Crooked dicks: A problem or something you can work with?
You can work with a crooked dick. Sometimes that will work in your favor! You could hit a spot you’ve never had hit before. Unless you curve down and your dick is really long. This seems to be the one kinda curve that most girls have trouble taking.


Do you feel like you constantly wanna smack the shit out of most of the other actresses in the business or do you find you get along with most of them?

The porn business is like high school. And Yes, there is a lot of porn bitches I’d love to slap the shit out of. Every girl in the business has her list of “oh I can’t stand that bitch”. I’m friends with some of the girls my friends can’t stand, my friends are friends with some of the girls I can’t stand and a bunch of us hate the same bitches. We’re in our twenties and we all act like we’re still in junior high. It’s all pretty comical.

Has what has gone down in scene ever led to a fist fight with another girl who you had just done that scene with?
Never a fist fight for me personally. Even though we do porn we still have to be professional. Every once and a while you’ll hear about a fight going down on set. And those bitches are usually drunk. lol. If I got a problem with a girl during a scene like if she is annoying me or whatever, I just take it out on her during the scene. lol… like smother a girls face with my ass so I don’t have to hear her dumb voice.

Who is your favorite male performer to work with?
Manuel Ferrara

I know porn actresses have lists of dudes they won’t work with. Who’s #1 on your “No fly” list?
All the guys that switch and do both gay and straight porn. Just because why would you do gay porn if you aren’t gay and if you are gay and doing straight porn why would you do that either. What does a gay man know about fucking pussy and why as a straight man would you do something you’re not into with another man?? I don’t trust someone with my body if they are going to force themselves to do something they openly admit they don’t like to do with their own body. People that do those kind of things for money are suspect and usually lead a risky lifestyle.

How often to people fart during scenes? And how do you stop laughing when that happens?
It happens from time to time. Hopefully you’re working with someone that’s cool and not such a pussy that they wont give you a heads up. If you fart and don’t give me a heads up, I will call you out and/or try to fart in your face.

How long were you working before you felt comfortable in front of the camera?
I felt pretty comfortable right away. I think by like 6 or 7 months in I had the kinks worked out and felt 100% comfortable in front of the camera.

What’s the best place to film? indoors? outdoors? on a bed? On a kitchen table? on top of a freshly killed bear (I’ve seen this video…it exists)?
I saw the bear video. It made me cry!
The best place to fuck is at a house. We always prefer a bed or a couch, but for me i don’t really care as long as there is a toilet and a shower on location. Outside sucks because they usually want us outside when it’s winter and freezing or when it’s like 10,000 degrees in the valley. That’s not fun.

Is a DP scene ever worth it? And do you secretly thing the two dudes doing it are kind of gay?
For me a DP scene is always worth it. lol. That check is FAT and really there’s not much I can do other than take it and try to fuck back. And honestly, it makes me laugh, kinda cuz all I can think about is two dudes bumping balls cuz they’re trying to poke me. lol. It’s like a cruel joke the director is playing on the male performers and I get paid more money.

We all like to get our buzz on. Well, not all of us but most of us.

What’s your drug of choice?

You a drinker? If so, like a party time drinker or one of those motherfuckers that likes wine?
I’m not really a drinker. Drinking seems to always get people in trouble. I like to stick to my ganja. But when I do drink, I like beer. One 24oz Modelo and I’m $.


You gotta man?
I got a friend.

Has fucking on camera made off camera sex better or worse for you?
Fucking on camera has changed the things that I’m into sexually and the way I look at sex off camera for sure. Like before porn my sexual fetishes were much different than they are now. Like I was super into role playing and and dirty talk and super cliche shit like that, etc. And those are still things that turn me on but the things that I find myself liking or needing during sex now are much different than the things that turned me on before. The things that turn me on during sex off camera now are things that kinda have nothing to do with sex at all, so much. My personal life sex is much more intense & complex than the sex I have on camera, even though my personal life sex contain less circus acts. I don’t really like to give away the things that I’m into in my personal life sex. I kind of save those kinks just for me.

Do you actually enjoy anal? Do you do it in your normal sex life? If so, how long did it take get to the point where you liked it?
I actually love anal. Unlike most porn girls, I was really into anal sex before I even started porn. Girls either love it or hate it. There’s no in between. I am one of those girls that loves it. Although I don’t give the booty up to just anyone off camera. Actually, in my personal life I’ve only given the booty up to boyfriends. I can’t let a dude do butt sex on me in my personal life unless I really like him and trust him.

Favorite position?
Any position where the man is on top of me or controlling what I do. I like to feel the weight of a dude pushing me around.

Scale of 1-10 how much do you like just laying in bed with a dude you like and making out for hours?
I can’t just make out and I usually never get to anyways. I always date guys that hate kissing. It’s like a running joke.
I do like to kiss tho, but I don’t want to do it forever. I’d much rather make out for a little bit, fuck, smoke my weed, eat a snack then take a nap while homeboy catches up on SportsCenter. I could do that in a rotation for hours!!

As for cumming, do you find you get off better from clitoral stimulation, getting fucked with a penis, a mixture of both or you’re not someone who cums much (or at all)?

I used to be much more into clitoral stimulation, but that was only because no one had ever made me cum from just fucking me. Then after this one time when this dude with a really long dick made me cum by fucking me I was done with all that! My thinking is, I can make my clit cum by myself all day everyday! But only a man can make me cum by fucking my pussy. So, now I like cumming most when it’s a penis that is making me do it because I can’t do what he can do to my pussy by myself. But even then I can’t get that kind of cum from just any old penis. My vagina is kind of a diva.

Do you do the gagging on a dick thing in your normal sex life?
I love sucking dick and I’m totally about a good old fashioned face fuck. When I really like a guy I usually wanna spend my whole entire day worshipping his cock with my mouth. I’m a rare breed.

Cum: Is it at all gross to you?
Sometimes. It depends whose it is. I’ll have fantasies about wanting to suck all the cum out of a certain dudes penis, but it’s always a certain dude’s cum. Never just any old dude’s cum.

Are you actually bi-sexual in the sense that you would date another woman?
I can never say never but I don’t know if I could be in a relationship with a woman. I like dicks too much.

Does it bug you out when you meet a fan and you just know he’s masturbated to you? or is that somehow a turn on?
I’m so jaded now. That kind of thing really doesn’t faze me.


Assuming you’re on twitter, do many celebrities ever try and fuck you via DM?
Yes they do. lol. All the time. Or they try to get ahold of me through mutual friends.

In real life, have you ever been hit on by anyone super famous? Name names?
Super famous?? IDK about all that. lol. Maybe. I think I’m gunna save this one for my book. 😉

If you could fuck one famous person, who would it be?
Tie between Mark Wahlberg or Method Man.

(actual picture posted by K.Rose on her twitter. SHE AIN’T LYIN’)

If you could kill one famous person (and get away with it) who would it be?
Tie between Mel Gibson or Gwyneth Paltrow

If you had to fuck one dude from Jersey shore, who would it be?

Without naming names, have multiple famous married men offered you money for sex?
Famous guys that have tried to approach me are usually just tying to fuck for free. lol. Like some men think because they’re “celebrities”, us porn girls are supposed to feel lucky that they have chosen us and we’re just supposed to give it up. They forget we get paid for sex. We’re whores, not groupies.. (well, most of us).

Peep more of Kristina at her personal website:
http://kristinarosexxx-awmx.posterous.com/ (NSFW)
If you would like to be a gentleman and buy Kristina gifts, go here:
She will also be performing out east very soon. Peep the gigs!
Signing for Jules Jordan Video at Exxotica NJ Nov. 4-6 & Dancing in Queens, NY at Xpertease Nov. 18 & 19