Are you a “Dry Guy”?

This could get personal.

So, just as back story, I’ve been watching this show “Workaholics”. It’s fucking hilarious and you all should check it out if you haven’t already. Anyway, a few weeks ago they had an episode where the term “dry guy” was bought up. Here’s a link to THAT. This term refers to a man who masturbates sans lubrication. Just a guy and skin on his hand. The characters alluded to certain types of people who are dry guys (serial killers and Fred Durst were the examples).
Now, I’ve kinda always assumed that jerking off with lubricant was the norm. I’ve never even considered it otherwise. Recently, I was on the Philaflava message boards (one of my favorite palces on the internet) and the topic was bought up by regular poster Employee. He asked the same question I ask above now: “Are you a dry guy?”.
Well, to my surprise, I am seemingly in the minority with my masturbation habits and I feel as I my world has been turned upside down. Basically, I need to know if this “dry guy” thing is really the norm or if the posters on Philaflava’s message board are a bunch of serial killers.
So, answer me, motherfucker! (Don’t fret, it’s a safe and anonymous place)

Oh yeah, and self-PAUSE to this entire entry.

81 thoughts on “Are you a “Dry Guy”?

  1. Dry jerk breaks the norm and the friction can be a good surprise but if you not wackin wit lube yall missing out. It’s almost like beating off to King magazine. You could do it, but why would you?

    • Just like the wiping poll a couple month’s back. I have now been converted to a sit down wiper and it is way less work. Phatfriend, changing lives one post at a time.

      • So, are you a dry guy?
        I know I keep harping on this but I simply don’t get it. Jerking with lube (lotion , asaline, baby oil..anything) feels so much better. This is boggling my mind.

      • I guess I’m a dry guy. If there’s lotion in the house then I’ll indulge, but most of the time I’m just trying to jopo.

      • Wait….what??!? I missed this. Are we talking asses here. How would you wipe your ass standing up?

      • you are on the internet. and going dry is conducive to frequent unplanned masturbation. common in most men who frequent the internet.

  2. Who has time for oils and scented candles? Leave that nonsense to the ladies. It’s all about a Dry Old Fashioned on a Wednesday night.

  3. i used to use lotion or water when i first started bating, but made the switch early on. partially out of lazyness (ie. less clean up and prep), but it also changed the game.

  4. Water-based lubes and lotion man! They’re fragrance free(if you give a shit), don’t leave a mess all over(again, it’s water-based), and Dollar Store cheap. How could you spank it raw? No thanks. I’d rather not have my dick with a rash that’s burning and bleeding. Not having lube would definitely be a deal breaker in self-pleasure or with a chick. You guys are torturing yourselves!

    • It’s crazy. People are acting like using lube is hard to clean up (most lotion clean right off). Or even that owning lotion is this crazy expensive thing. I’m lost.

  5. Wha… I merely dabble in the dry zone from time to time (when I’m in a hurry or want to switch it up. I’m just as shocked as you Block.

    Well if dry guys are the majority, what the fuck are we? Oil boys? Wet men? Lube dudes?

  6. Dry guy. Stopped using lube early on as well. Lube was messy and took longer….I need a nut but I’ve got shit to do. Don’t get me wrong, if I’m out of town, alone in the hotel, and my lady wants to video chat or do the phone thing, I’ll hook it up for a more realistic feel, but for the most part, I’m not trying to romance myself or make this an ordeal. I’m a dude…..quick, easy, less hassle wins every time.

  7. me being a dry guy mostly has to do with my laziness. i just don’t feel like getting up and getting lubricant after finding a porn clip (can’t be typing with lube on your fingers), applying, then going to work. dry is quick and easy.

    • probably on of those best stoned moments of watching a show and then looking up a hilarious reference they make. All of your comments and just this entire scene in Workaholics is amazing. I’m a girl plus a Human Sexuality major who masturbates a lot and thought this scene was too fucking good and I think all of your answers are fucking great. Thank you all. Top notch shit right here.

    • No matter how much pussy you get….eventually your still gonna jerk off. I can fuck my girl before she leaves for work, fall back asleep and jerk off when I wake up, if that’s how I’m feeling, or I might not jerk off for over a month…depends.

  8. I wouldn’t be a dry guy but I have a skin condition, sensitive soap is fine in moderation but I’ve lubed it up with horrific results. Lets not go into that.

  9. Dry? Really? How the fuck does that even work? I use saliva. Surprised it isn’t mentioned. Is that completely anormal and disgusting or something? I sometimes use hand lotion whenever I can be bothered, but I only have expensive one so I avoid it whenever the spit is slimy enough. Ew!

    • Reading this comment makes me think it was written by a woman – or just a dude who has no problem keeping it all the way raw LMAO – besides saliva dries out in like 2 sec flat unless u add some of that nostril which is really sick

  10. Man I don’t have anything against lube it’s nice but it is also extra shit to deal with. If I have some time to kill and I’m really making an occassion of it I’ll bust the lube out.

  11. wow. who knew. this is truly eye opening. No lube? Wouldnt that chafe? i might have gone dry once of necessity, but not much more than that.

    Amazing. This blog is surprising educational.

  12. It seems a bit odd to me to plan it out to the point of having a lotion ready. What if you just got to beat it off, and have nothing to hand?
    Also, more shit to hide when your girl walks in! All a bit posh to me. Dry all the way!
    Good post.

  13. you guys make it sound like its a chore. “im on the go and dont have time for lube” what the fuck is wrong with you psychos? lube dude 4 life!

      • I have never used lotion or lube and I’m shocked to find out how many guys aren’t dry guys. I have to personally say I have never tried it, so I will give it a try.

        Have you heard of anybody putting toothpaste on it though? For the tingle. My friend walked into the bathroom one day and caught one of our friends with his toothpaste in his hand and some on his dick.. Terrible. Still makes me nervous everytime I open the toothpaste to put some on my brush.

      • Tooth paste is a terrible idea. When I was younger (like 13) I would try anything as lube. Toothpaste and shampoo were the biggest mistakes I ever made.

  14. With u on chicks givin the worst hand jobs! But what must the state of your hands be like to give yourself chaffing when having a dry tug? Are we talkin warts and callouses and shit? No matter how vigorous I went, I don’t think I could chaff. Lotion just not necessary. Try it dry, you might never look back!

    • Doing it dry hurts. I’ve tried many many times over the course of my life and it’s never worked. It kinda hurts, it doesn’t feel particularly good and I couldn’t even get to the finish line.

  15. i second that recommendation against shampoo. And soap with too many chemicals. Shit will burn for awhile if it gets in the ol rethra. I can’t tell you how many times i’ve neglected this advice myself and ended up having a burning pee shortly after whacking off.

  16. Yeah, I was using ky jelly all the time till it fucked up my shut bad and I had to pee every 15 minutes for like 2 weeks. Like the shit got stuck in there. You ever notice what it feels like when it gets dry? The reason I switched to ky was because hand lotion was worse. Loved the feeling, but am so scared of the side effects that I am dry all the way. Funny thing is I was dry almost my entire life. Tried lube and was “fuck yes!!!” for maybe a year. Got the peeing issue and was like “fuck no!!!”

  17. Hey Block,
    Love the blog. Reading it religiously at work.. which is incredibly risky. and a testiment to how entertaining your writing is.
    Thought you may want to check out this article about the “sitting vs standing” wiping dilemma.

  18. im a girl and i was really curious so i googled it….how the fuck do you jerk dry? like ok i dont have a penis but i feel like there would be too much friction. wouldn’t a gliding sensation be better/more realistic?

    • for what its worth its not about the realism at all. its ‘masturbation’ not ‘fake sex’. no one is trying to fuck their hand they are trying to enjoy the experience as a whole thing that is itself unique and worthwhile. that is why handjobs take proper skill and effort that takes years to perfect and master despite dicks being relatively simple things compared to vaginas.

      cheers and good luck.

      now go get those reps in so you can master this shit ha

    • Well… your dick usually isn’t dry, there’s usually some prostate fluid underneath the upper layer of skin, unless you clean your penis roughly under the shower. Besides, men pre-cum, so when really horny or after masturbating a little there is already pre-cum in between layers.

  19. Ok than if ur dry palming it and u been doing that for years doesn’t the nervose in the penis wear so when u actually have sex it takes you forever to cum and u wont feel the pleasure or till u jerk it ur self and that’s how u cum ? Just asking ?

    • LMAO no that’s completely wrong – unlike vaginas the penises satisfaction dose not depend on its elasticity – so there is no wear and tear factor – also the time and level of pleasure until ejaculation are dependent on 4 core aspects – 1 the tightness of the vagina – 2 how attractive the sex is overall – 3 how much the man cares about his performance – 4 the experience and mental strength of the man – masturbation may help with the 4th aspect but it cant really assist in the other 3

  20. I think more can be said about a dry guy vs a lube dude. I think lube dudes are those that particularly enjoy the masturbation process as a whole where as in dry guys just want to get that bust out of the way so they can get back to getting focused – Simply dry guys bust nuts because they need to Lube dudes bust nuts because they want to

    • That’s a fair assessment. Is enjoying busting a nut a bad thing, though?
      Also, you’re falling into quite the wormhole in these comments , bro. It’s okay. YOu’re a dry guy.No one is saying you can’t be.

  21. Hi every one, well I’m here to say it loud I’m I dry “jerker” and I’m proud!.Ever since I was a littler jerk off I’ve never used any lubricants, it’s possibly because I’m not circumcised but I really don’t think it matters. Now for those “lubers” don’t go thinking that dry jerking is something simple, it’s take experience, skills, and a swiftness to perform the dry jerk if you don’t have what it takes to perform the dry jerk then you might be in for some pain eventually, you have to find a happy medium, not too fast not too slow.I don’t understand how people can beat off with lubricant,it just feels like I’m handling a bar soap.let me give you an example let’s say you’re riding your bike without a handlebar grips and you decide to put some type of lubricant on the bars how long would it take for you slip and fall.I need to have some grip for better control and leverage that’s what Dry Jerkin is all about people.

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