Song of the day 12/29/11


Original Lyrics By Mystikal Feat. Birdman and Lil Wayne
http://limelinx.com/files/cdb12c957f95bc30b273e69f12768b24

I’ll be honest. Lots of you will not be feeling this song. I mean, judging from past posts, you’ll just read the artists involved , roll your eyes and go bump an alum of lost Sole b-sides. That’s fine. But , what can i say, I fucking love Mystikal. Sure, he’s a convicted rapist but I’m not trying to be the dudes friend (though I would jump at the opportunity to work with him) , I simply think he’s an awesome rapper.
This song features Birdman at his best, meaning , he just does the hook and doesn’t rap. Lil wayne’s verse is almost like it’s not there and the beat by Mannie Fresh is fucking awesome.
So, to end this year, I give you this. A bit of a curveball considering what I usually post up here but give it a chance. It’ll do you good.

The year in review of my own blog


Every year, I like to wrap thing sup by re-posting a bunch of things you may have missed, some you may have forgotten and some you totally remember and didn’t give a fuck about in the first place.
I update this blog five times a week so, as you can imagine, sifting through a years worth of content is no easy task. Luckily for me, wordpress.com keeps great stats and that enables me to know what articles got read the most. While a good portion of the “most read” articles are popular because of google searches (basically anything involving porn or famous people is gonna get read the most) I can still discern what it was my readers actually liked the most…So, here are some of those articles, along with bunch of free downloads I’ve given away over the course of the year. Enjoy and happy new year you grubby motherfuckers.


Top 5 most popular music related:
How my music is made
Be better than Beiber
The making of Labor days
Some Sampling Do’s and Don’ts
V-Nasty is mesmerizing


Top Five Writing pieces about random shit
Dear Squatter girl
Things you should not be still doing past the age of 30
If I made the Black Eyed Peas video game
Decoding man-speak for broads
Fuckin’ lil’ Bullies


Song Giveaways
Free Beat download
Nacho Picasso Remix
The original “Bent Life”
Another free beat
A song by Illogic and me


Free compilations I made for your listening pleasure
Good new(ish) rappers
Back in the days
A mix for America!
Story rhymes
Love songs for cynics


And, I’ll close it all out with easily the most read articles on my blog this year…
The Porn star Questionnaire
Kristina Rose
Asa Akira

Anyway, I don’t think I’ll have much time to update this blog the next few days so I hope this will tide you over.
Happy New year and all that crap. See you on the other side…

Answers for questions vol. 65


Well, the end of the year is upon up. Pretty exciting , huh? Let’s all hope those mayans were wrong cause , you know, I wanna see who’s gonna win the NBA title this year, as opposed to having our planet go up in flames (or whatever they said would happen).
In case that doesn’t happen, I need more questions from you. Send them to my email: phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them below in the comments. Keep it interesting.
Anyway, happy new year and all that crap. See you on the other side, brooooo!!!!

what thing created to make life easier has become the most annoying invention? And what “if you can dream it, we can make it” invention would you pull into existence?
For what it’s worth, i say bluetooth to the first, and ………………. fuck, i got nothin for the second. But people using bluetooth annoy the fuck outta me.

I’ve never used bluetooth in my life and it’s certainly responsible for me thinking people are crazy , walking down the street talking to themselves. But, I dunno, it doesn’t really effect me enough to get under my skin like that. I’m more against inventions that have made it possible for people to bask in their laziness. Things like snuggies. In reality, there’s nothing wrong with a snuggie but it’s the message that snuggie is putting forth that bothers me. It’s like “hey, what say you just stop giving fuck and , instead of wearing cloths like a human, throw on this towel with arms?”. There are plenty more examples but , in general, inventions that “make life easier” but pertain to aspects of life that were already easy (like wearing clothing), can go fuck themselves.
As for an invention I could create…shit, if I knew I woulda invented it. If I could invent something that enabled people to pull the dicks out of their ears and realize how bad some of the music they listen to is (Particularly , my next door neighbor), that would be awesome.

what is your opinion on graffiti? eyesore? awesome? completely indifferent?
Mostly indifferent. I think there is some really awesome graf out there but, to be honest, I burned out on my appreciation for any fine art at a young age. I was raised around it and pretty much stopped even trying to care about it by the time I was in my teens. This isn’t to say I dislike art (that would be crazy), but I’m simply not moved by it the same way I see others are.
Graffiti is slightly different, as it pertains to hip hop culture and all, but my relationship with it has never been a close one cause
1)I was never talented enough to do it
2)I relate it more to high school beefs and gangs than I do actual art
3)The shit is all but gone in NYC nowadays and has been for a long time.
So, basically, Graf is cool, but I’m also not exactly buying books about it or going on trips to admire it. If I see it, that’s fine. If I don’t. That’s fine too.

if you were to open your iTunes and sort all of your songs by the number of plays, what are the top 5 songs that you have played the most?
Depends. I dont’ listen to the ITUNES on my computer much anymore cause I just play my Ipod…So the list would be slanted toward shit I was listening to a long time ago.
For instance, here’s my top five most played songs on my Itunes:
1) A song for you: Donny Hathaway
2)Lalena: Donovan
3)Let your conscience be your guide: Marvin Gaye
4)Reasons: Earth wind and fire
5)I believe to my soul: Ray Charles

But , it’s those five songs cause I had them at the beginning of a playlist I’d play to help me fall asleep…I also haven’t listened to any of those songs in over a year.
However, if I go to my “newest shit” playlist (where I put any new music I like)
The list is this:
1)That Woman: Mystikal

2)Stapleton: Earl

3)L.O.L. (Original version): Danny Brown

4)Pissy Transmissions: Open Mike Eagle

5)A prayer for Michael Vick & T.I.: Jay Electronica

Hey Blockhead! Are you on a Mac or PC?

MAC 4 LYFE!!!!

Did you travel that much outside of New York before you started touring? Is there any cities you really enjoy to visit?

Not a whole lot, I had been to L.A. and San Fran, Miami and boston before I started touring heavy. I also drove cross country and back when I was in my early 20’s. I certainly hadn’t left the country though.
As for cities I enjoy visiting, San fran is easily my favorite. I have family and friends there and I’ve always felt a connection to it when I go. I like going to L.A. too cause I have tons of friends there and the food is good, though, I’d by lying if I said I feel any personal connection to the city itself. The fact I don’t drive kinda limits me there.
Really, in order for me to enjoy a city, I have to know people. If I went to some bumblefuck hole in the wall town where i had friends, it could be just as fun as most major cities to me.

Would you rather run 100yrds through silverback occupied jungle, or swim 100yrds through shark inhabited waters, why?

I would definitely run through the jungle. Granted, I’d probably be mauled but at least I’d have a chance. I’m not exactly a great swimmer. In fact, I doubt I could swim 100 yards period. Let alone being chased by some fucking sharks.

Hot dogs: Nathan’s or Sabrett’s? Boiled or fried?
Fried hot dogs? What part of the game is that? Boiled all the way. Though a grilled hot dog would beat them both.

Hypothetical personal dream team lp. Who’s rhyming? Who’s producing? Anyone else involved?
Assuming that I’m not involved…this is a tough question cause the music fan in me who still thinks about all my hero’s growing up would tell me to work with them. The problem with that is that all those dudes are washed up now and I can’t say I’d ever wanna listen to them at this point. Honestly, If I could produce a compilation album with my 10-15 favorite current rappers handpicked, that would be it. Mystikal would be on it. That I know. MF Doom too. The rest, I’d have to really think about.
If me making the beats isn’t allowed, I’d like to get dudes like Jake one, Alchemist, The Neptunes, and Just blaze to make the tracks.

It’s getting chilly. Hoodies: pull over or zip up?
I prefer zip ups but I can either way. Wearing a pull over is a commitment though. Like, once you get inside, now you’re stuck in this warm ass hoodie.

What’s up with Despot?
He’s working on an album with Ratatat. He sent me three new songs a little while ago and they’re fucking awesome. I’m very excited to hear the rest. He’d be on my Dream compilation album for sure.

You have to fuck one of the girls in your top banner of this site. Which one and why?
First off, i’d need to see some ID. But assuming they’re all of legal age (I doubt they are), it’s still a tough call. I mean, they’re kinda blurry. But, going from what I can see…it’s either the blonde in the blue shirt (3rd from the left) or the girl holding hands with the fattie all the way to the right. Probably the blonde though. Either way, I feel like a creep for even answering the question.

Trending topics: The year in review


Well, it’s been another year…a whole lotta crazy shit happened and Tim and I are just as sick of hearing about it as you are. Still, we will push forward and talk about these things one last time. But, I promise, after this, let’s never discuss any of these topics again. 2012 is a new year. Let’s put this shit to bed right now.
Godspeed.
http://www.syffal.com/2011-year-in-trending-topics

F#ck/Marry/Kill Vol. 7


Good day to all and welcome to another installment of Fuck/Marry/Kill. The game we all know and love that places three people , who would probably never fuck or marry me, and allows me to play god. Please take all I say here with a grain of salt as it is just a game. I don’t really wanna kill anyone and the idea of marrying a rich stranger is horrifying. The fucking, however, I’m all in on.
Let’s do it.

F/M/K: Missy Elliott, Da Brat, Queen Latifah

Fuck: Da Brat

I’m gonna ignore the fact that she looks like a tubby 12 year old boy nowadays, but there was a time when I thought Da Brat was cute. Adorable even. Sure, she dressed in men’s clothing but, to be honest, most female rappers did that in the 90’s. Also, of the three, she was probably the least hardcore lesbian. Meaning, she might like dick at least a little. That alone is enough to get her in the “fuck” category.

Marry: Queen Latifah

Have you seen ” Just Wright”? Then you know how sexy this woman can be….just kidding. She’s as sexual to me as a piece of driftwood but she at least seems like she’d be okay to hang with. That’s what marriage is anyway , right? Someone you can hang with? We could play ball together, I bet she can cook and she could regale me with tales of eating MC Lyte’s ass in a bathroom stall in 1989. True love.

Kill: Missy

Honestly, I’ve always wanted to kill her anyway, so this would just be the perfect coincidence. I don’t care how much weight she lost…how “cool” she is (she isn’t). She sucks…always has. I know it’s an unpopular opinion cause she was so creative when she was popular but, let’s be real, without Timbaland, there would be no Missy. Not that this has anything to do with this game but I figured it might justify my cold blooded hypothetical murder of this person I’ve never met before.

F/M/K Rudy Huxtable when she turned 18, Lisa Turtle, becky from rosanne

Kill: Becky

I mean…come on. It’s not even a question. Especially if it’s Becky #1 with the chinless slack jaw and constant frown. I gotta give it up to the creators or “Roseanne” in that they casted the most perfect midwestern white girl ever. There are suburbs outside of Detroit or Cleveland filled with Becky’s. So, one less isn’t hurting anyone.

Fuck: Rudy

Rudy becoming hot (post Cosby show, of course) is one of the most surprising revelations ever. I remember seeing her in a terrible Chingy video and being like “Whaaaaaaat???!!”.

Let’s be honest, she was an adorable child and a truly busted teen but, as an adult, man…I mean, just look at the picture. Love is getting made to that.

Marry: Lisa Turtle

Sure, she’s a bit of a cunt. Spoiled. But Lisa turtle is one of my all time favorite girls. So cute. Amazing cloths that looked like she got them at a Woolworth’s in space.
I’m willing to bet that, underneath her self important and shallow demeanor, there is an angel deep inside her. If not? Fuck it. She’s still the hottest (at least in the mind of my inner 14 year old) and I’d wife without hesitation.

F/M/K: Fat Christina Aguilera, Fat Jessica Simpson, Fat Kelly Clarkson

Kill: Fat Christina Aguilera

Aguilera was very cute to me once. The fake tits looked stupid and her outfits would make a drag queen vomit but, still, she was kinda sexy in a way until…She became this blonde snooki creature she is now. If anything, what’s going on her should be a warning to all girls teetering on the edge of fatness right now. You’re only a blintz and a month of not exercising away from becoming this fat little munchkin with clown make up on.

Fuck: Jessica Simpson

She seems like she’d be one of those fun fat girls. I mean, first off, the boobs are real. And I bet they’re awesome. Secondly, fat is her natural shape. All those years she was in shape , she had to work hard to maintain what a girl like Aguilera would barely even had to even monitor. Because of that, I feel this is her comfort zone. She’s a cute, huge titted chubby girl at heart and who likes sex more than cute huge titted fat girls? NO ONE. Not even her man in the sky Jesus could deny her of that.

Marry: Kelly Clarkson

I know…I bet you you thought she’d be the obvious Kill in this game. But no…Lemme explain.
First off, Aguilera has surpassed all in grossness. She’s just a mess right now. So, she’s dying regardless. In Clarkson’s case, much like Simpson, she’s always been a natural chubby girl. While she may not possess the curves of Simpson , she does seem like she’s very humble and actually somewhat pleasant. Fucking is one thing, but marriage means a lot of time together. Simpson is a step away from the IQ of a dolphin. Clarkson, while not very attractive, would make a better life mate. Perhaps I could learn to be attracted to her? Maybe? I hope so…there’s just no way I’m marrying that goblin Aguilera.

F/M/K:Marilyn Monroe, Audrey Hepburn, and Elizabeth Taylor -We’re also playing fkm in the 1950s

Fuck: Marilyn Monroe

She just seems like the sluttiest. Sure, she’d be all pilled out and glassy eyed but I gotta think she knew what she was doing in bed. It was kind of her thing. It’s funny cause, while she was obviously very pretty, she’s pretty much just a typical blonde girl by today’s standards. Whatever the case, I’m splitting hairs here cause I’d gladly bone/marry any of these women in the 1950’s.

Marry: Audrey Hepburn

How fucking cute is she? Damn..she’s like a sweet little elf that makes you horny. How could i not marry her? I don’t even know if I’d even want to have sex with her. I’d rather put her in a glass casing with a feeding tube and admire her from a far. Sex would almost ruin her innocence…but, hey, I’d do what I’d have to do.

Kill:Elizabeth Taylor

Known for having the most beautiful eyes ever, she’s certainly not bad to look at. But most her pics are in black and white so that “Beautiful eyes” shit goes out the window (though the one above is fucking stunning). There’s no denying she was a very pretty lady but, compared to the other two? It’s a tough choice. I think her window of being at her hottest was the shortest. For like two years she was unfuckwitable in the face department but then she started looking a little like typical pretty upper east side jewish girls I went to high school with. Maybe that’s a strange bias but when you got three woman who all clearly are hot, you gotta reach a little to make these tough decisions.

F/M/K: lucy lui, cameron diaz, or drew barrymore

Marry: Lucy Lui

What can I say? i have an asian fetish. Just kidding. But she is , easily, the hottest of the three in their current states. She’s also from Queens so we got that NY bond that would surely give us things to talk about for at least 45 minutes.

Fuck: Drew Barrymore

I know a lot of people dog on her. I get it. But hear me out, I’ve seen her in person a few times and she’s WAY cuter than you’d ever imagine. I was seriously shocked at how cute she was. She’s tiny and has a nice glow about her. So much so, I was almost gonna marry her (in this hypothetical situation). Just trust me, i know you’re rolling your eyes here but she’s definitely someone you would want to have your penis inside.

Kill: Cameron Diaz

Man, when “The Mask” came out, there was no one hotter to me than her. Now she’s just frightening. Even scarier when she tries to play up her old ass sexuality. It’s like watching your mom eat a banana or something. Her skin looks like leather, her body, while very much “in shape” just looks wrong to me. Basically, I fear her so, because of that, she must go.

Song of the day 12/22/11


Words from the Genius By The Genius
http://limelinx.com/files/ad5d6306abdcf486aead96d3a8d3a9e9
I remember the fist time I saw the album “words from the Genius” at a record store. Every tuesday, I would go to this spot Disc-o-rama by my crib (I eventually worked there for a few year in my late teens). Tuesdays were the day new release dropped and my nerdness ran deep, so I was always checking on what had come out. Well, while browsing the Cassette section , I noticed an album on Cold Chillin’ records by an artist named “The Genius”. Being a huge Juice Crew fan (Cold chillin put out many of the most classic Juice crew albums) , I quickly picked it up to read the cover and inspect this mystery album. I had never heard of this artist and, to be honest, it kinda came out of nowhere. From the looks of the cover, it was on some smooth guy rap shit. I mean, for christ’s sake, he was in his pajama’s writing with a feathered plume. It certainly wasn’t selling me very well. However, the song titles led me to believe he might not just be a second rate Big Daddy Kane. Being the completist I was back then, I bought it on the strength of if being on Cold Chillin’ and took it home. To this day, there are very few Cold Chillin’ record I never owned…Sorry MC Shan, but your albums were kinda wack.
Anyway, I put this album on and was pleasantly surprised. Great production, a good rapper (not yet of GZA caliber but still very good). I felt good about my blind purchase.
The next week, I’m watching Video Music Box (The best video show ever in the history of the universe) and this song “Come Do me” Comes on. It was the Genius’ first single from the album I just bought…and it was terrible.

It was a typical new jack swingish pop song that every rapper who claimed to fuck women made back in that era. I was bummed but relieved that I hadn’t seen that video first, or else I may not have bought the album. I guess the album got a soft release of something cause ,typically, the video comes out before the album but, apparently, Cold Chillin’ didn’t give a fuck about The genius. Anyway, 2 years later, the Genius would emerge as the GZA from WU Tang and the rest would be history. But this album was one of many I copped off sheer curiosity back in the day that ended up paying off. If I did that now, I’m pretty sure I’d end up pretty mad at everyone involved. So, shout out to an era when blind purchases would actually pay off. RIP to that era as well.

Free song from Illogic and Me


As you may know, I’ve been working on an album with Ohio MC Illogic called “Capture the Sun”. We’ve got about 30 songs recorded and plan on releasing a few free ep’s , as well as the official full length.
Because Illogic is in the christmas spirit, he decided to give away one of the songs on Bandcamp. This one, in particular, will not be available anywhere else so, you know, EXCLUSIVE SHIT BRO!
Download it here
http://illogic.bandcamp.com/track/anomoly

Enjoy!