Ask Dr. Tony Vol. 9

After a lengthy hiatus, the doctor is back. Here to lead you down a path of righteousness laid out to you by the high power. Not really. I’m just here to give you my opinion on questions you sent me concerning matters of the heart. As I’ve said before, I’m not a licensed anything…but I do tend to be honest and think somewhat logically. So, there’s always that. Anyway, send me more questions like these to My door is always open.

Hi there,
Ok,so ive met this girl about 3 weeks ago in a small club,i was a kinda drunk dunno if she was also,we kissed and stuff and she left me her phone number.It past 2 weeks and i didnt called her back cause i thought i saw her 1 day with some other guy who was a friend of mine and i didnt wanted to get involved in that.So after 2 weeks at 11pm i get this msg on my phone saying hello and asked me if i wanna go at her place cause she’s alone and she needs company.I texted her asking if she’s not my friends girlfriend and she told me she didnt knew him or he’s name.So i just considered i was drunk that night and maybe i confused her with someone else which probably i did.Ok so i go to her place,obviosly this was an invitation for sex.I was a bit nervous cause i rly liked this girl and im not much good in the sack specialy when im sober.So i arrived at her place but dunno what happend,we started talking personal things but nothing happend sexualy.I havent seen her since 3 weeks ago when i was drunk and now she looked even better.And honestly i didnt wanted to screw up with this one.I’ve been with decent amout of girls but this one is diferent.Ok so that knight we talked,watched a movie,etc.She told me she was looking for smth serious and needs love,about her school bla bla bla.I went home in the morning,on my way home thinking that i was such an idiot and she’ll definetly won’t contact me anymore.But after 1 day at 3-4 AM in the morning i get texted and was smth like “your eyes are telling me smth,sry for texting u this early”.I didnt knew how to react to that so i just texted her “i dont know what to say but i was thinking of u and what u told me the other knight”,and later some metaphor about eyes.Dunno if it was the right thing to do,she didnt texted back but i know i got her attention somehow.Ok the thing is i dunno if i should share my feelings or not.I did that before and it doesnt work all the time,its to early for that shit and not all girls want “that lover” tipe.But maybe if i stay like this and dont tell her shit she will think that im not interested in her that much.Or is the posibility that she does know my friend and this is some kind of frame but that sounds a bit crazy and maybe im just paranoid.I think this situation is very easy to handle and i usualy dont act like this,dunno whats happening.Sry for the wall of text,and for my bad english,just wanted to give u the info about what’s going on

I’m so happy to read english is not your first language. I was getting sad while reading that whole thing like “oh man, this dude didn’t graduate grade school”. Phew…
now, for you question…To be honest, I’m not really clear what the question is. All i can really do is observe the situation. First off, you met her at a club once. It’s cool to like a girl off the bat like that but let’s not get crazy. The night of emotional bonding certainly changes that but you seemed to be going into even meeting up with her like you were already in it for the long haul. To that, I’d say slow down. There’s no rush.
Secondly, and this may be due to the translation of what you wrote being off, but there’s something unhealthy to me about how you two have been communicating. Like random 3 am texts that evolve into to poetry flirting? I mean, that’s all good…but , to me, it just makes me think she’s a little out of it.
Those things considered, it does seem like she likes you. I’d stop over analyzing it so much and just let it play out naturally. You wanna talk to her? call her. Don’t turn this into unnecessary game playing. Also I highly doubt this is a set up by your friend who you think is dating her. That would be both way too elaborate and downright insane.

i dated this guy (guy A) last year who was really great and i liked a lot for a couple of months. we had the same interests and always had fun together. i shortly ended it with him because he was terrible at communicating and had a wandering eye (and dick). it was an amicable break-up though and because we got along so well otherwise, we stayed friends.

a few months later, i met his best friend (guy B) from his home town when he came to visit. we INSTANTLY bonded and became great friends. it started out friendly, but we ended up hooking up (fuck buddy style, not romantically) the next time he came to visit. at this point, i see and keep in touch with guy B way more than guy A. aside from the occasional text, i really only have contact with guy A when guy B comes to visit him here. guy B and i had this unspoken understanding that we’d never be a couple though because it just would not work. guy A is oblivious to all of this.

this year, i started dating my boyfriend who i’m still currently in a relationship with. i hadn’t stopped to talking to guy A or guy B at all, but it was always strictly platonic… until the last time guy B came to visit last month. during his four day visit, we spent two days together. during the one day guy B and i spend alone together, he tells me that he’s in love with me even though he knows about my boyfriend and that we probably could never make it work anyway we tried. he went back home and we’ve only spoken maybe once since he left. our friendship is clearly not the same.

after guy B left, guy A (who’s currently living with his girlfriend of over a year) started to text me on a regular basis. super platonic, we just end up talking about what we’ve been up to and we start to become good friends again. i sent him a link to my boyfriend’s music at some point which he was really impressed with and made him want to meet him. they eventually meet and get along really well, bonding over just about everything. guy A texts me after we leave and tells me how much he loves my boyfriend, which is awesome. i love hanging out with them both and am super excited about them getting along so well. however, within the last week or so, guy A has been sending me increasingly flirty texts that eventually lead up to the “i think i’m in love with you” text. WHY?!?! guy A now seems relentless in wanting to be with me despite our significant others, but i just want to be his friend. oh, i’d also like to add that neither guy A nor guy B has any idea about each other’s feelings for me. it’s just all around fucking awkward.

SO… now i have three dudes who are in love with me (geez, this makes me sound like a total cunt), but only one who i am in love with and the other two, i want to keep good friendships with.

1. what the fuck do i do? can i salvage any kind of friendship with these guys despite their feelings for me?
2. do i tell guy A and guy B that they are in love with the same girl or do i let them figure it out for themselves? is there a possibility they just won’t ever know?
3. do i tell my boyfriend that two of my favorite people, who i always speak highly of, are in love with me? or would that just fuck things up worse?

Someone’s either got a magic pussy or you live in a really small town! Either way, congrats.
let’s answer these in order:
1)No. You cannot be friends with these dudes. I know your heart is telling you you can, but you cannot. These guys have agendas and they involve breaking you up with your man. Even if it’s not meant in a malicious way, that’s where it’s headed. I’m afraid you just gotta let them go. OR, if you slightly more dubious, keep them on the back burner if you feel like your current relationship isn’t “the one”. Regardless, at the moment you gotta not play into these guys romantic advances.

2)Eh, that’s not your problem. For all you know, they’re just orchestrating a super intense threesome starring you as “The middle”. But, on the real, they’re homeeboys. That’s between them. Besides, you’re not dating either of them so who gives a shit?

3)That will 100% make things worse. I’m sure he already assumes something is up (in the general sense of “I bet she’s at least made out with these guys) cause most dudes are presumptuous of his girls male friends. It’s rare they haven’t hooked up on some level. Telling him will only stir the pot and play into his insecurities. It’s like bragging. If he asks why those guys don’t hang anymore (which he won’t) , just tell him they were acting stupid. If he really wants to know more and asks for me detials (which he won’t) then you can get into it depending on how he questions you. But i say, leave it alone.

whats with girls asking to be cum on. I have been with a few girls that have asked me to pull out and finish on them (stomach, chest, what have you) and I dont get it. I find no pleasure in pulling out and rubbing one out on a girl, I can do that at home with lotion. I dont see what, if any, pleasure the girls find in it. I like to shower after sex too but, do girls actually enjoy that?

Well, I’m no girl but I have theories. First off, not all girls like being cum on. In fact, most just settle for it. But, I know what you’re talking about so lemme think about it.
Trust this has nothing to do with how much girls “love jizz” cause that’s simply just some made up shit that guys wish for. It’s more about pleasing the man and doing something for us. Contrary to what you think about it, I think most dudes are fans of blowing loads on a girls body. We’re a visual bunch. Busting off on to a girl is a great finale to sex. It’s like saying “ta-dah!” , with your penis.
I don’t think most girls particularly love it, but it’s some hot horny shit they can get into once the ball is rolling. I’m pretty sure no girl is masturbating to the thought of some guy hunched over her , nutting in her face. If she is, she should either call her dad or go visit his tombstone and get to the bottom of that.
As for showing after sex, that’s on a person to person basis. With me, it depends on how sweaty I am. If I’m sweaty, then I want to shower…at least rinse off. Some people just lay there baking in their own filth. You never know. But don’t feel weird if you feel like you need to clean off a little after fucking. One thing I’ve found girls do actually love is showering with you after sex. It’s all the emotional coddling of cuddling but with water.

Quick question. Is there a set number of years between two peoples age before its weird for them to hook up? For instance I am 32, I work at a bar, and this 23 year old keeps coming in that wants to go out. Is that too much of an age gap? I am not trying to make her my girl or anything, just don’t want to be some dirty old man.

I think I may have covered this before so I’ll be brief. If we’re just talking sex here, once she’s 21 , all bets are off. If you’re 38 and can fuck a 21 year old, go for it. I mean, proceed with caution, but do what you gotta do. However, if you actually date her, you’re a total creep. That’s the very short version of that answer.

What kind of advice can you give a female about rebound relations? Is it better to just suffer through the annoying pain of getting dumped until you don’t feel so emotionally drained, or should a gal jump back on her horse and just ride bareback into the rebound sunset with wild abandon?

Rebounds are rebounds for a reason. I’m a supporter of them. They enable the girl to move on and also zone out for a bit from being a depressed mess after getting dissed. After getting dumped, girls tend to be pretty high strung and emotional. This can lead to all sorts of bad choices, ranging from being a pathetic mess towards the guy that dumped them, with hopes of getting him back (which never works) to fucking the worst people possible (which tends to only make things worse). A nice rebound kinda centers all that. Sure, you don’t wanna marry this rebound dude and , very likely, you’re thinking about other stuff wen you two are fucking but it’s a step in the right direction. Cause women are so often driven by emotion the rebound guy is great cause it’s a time when they can just turn all that craziness off for a second. The rebound guy is usually a decent person who , under different circumstances, might be datable to that girl. But , due to timing, he’s just there to fill that hole.

Although, I’d like to throw a warning out there that if you’re a serial dater, there is no such thing as a rebound guy. That’s just your next boyfriend. I fucking hate serial daters cause they tend to be needy and self involved…so don’t be like that. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying your freedom and being alone.

On a side note, for the fellas, the only downside is if the dude who’s the rebound guy doesn’t realize that’s what he is and he’s some sucker for love type who thinks he’s met his soul mate. That dude has no chance. But, if it’s a normal guy, being a rebound guy is awesome cause you get to have sex with a girl who’s never gonna flip that emotional mess switch on you. Also, you are the recipient of having sex with someone who’s very likely been bored within their relationship for awhile and you’re “new”. So that’s always fun.

8 thoughts on “Ask Dr. Tony Vol. 9

  1. building blocks of love. get down. ive done a lot of research on matters of the heart. and your right on point man (except for the age gap making dudes a creep.. but i aint at a creepy age yet so i wont worry about it lol.)i look forward to more of this.

  2. “Ta-Dah” with your penis….I’m so going to say that next time I have sex…I might even wear a top hat and monocle to make it more classy

  3. I’ve heard some shit around about a “half your age plus 7(?)” general rule on dating/fucking. If anyone k°cnows what i’m talking about…

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