The Friendzone



Let me begin this by openly admitting that, at age 35, I still do occasionally watch some embarrassing MTV shows. I say that more to just pre-empt all the holier than thou dickheads out there who write comments like “Why do you even watch that crap!?”. I watch it because it is crap. At times, I like to bask in the stupidity of the world we live in. It’s entertaining to me. It’s humorous. Also, those shows also feature a brand of embarrassment I can only stomach if it’s happening to strangers on a television screen.
So, with that said, let’s discuss MTV’s new dating show “Friendzone”.
Here’s a link to a trailer for the show , in case you’re an adult and have missed it:
http://www.mtv.com/videos/misc/700576/friendzone-trailer.jhtml

Over the years, MTV has taken many stabs at the dating show format. 9/10 times, the result is watching two people with tribal tattoos flirt/grope on a level that would make their parents commit four way suicide if they ever saw it. With “Friendzone” we get something new.
The idea of the show is they take two close friends. One of whom secretly loves the other person. Basically , the person who’s in love tells the friend they love that they’re going on some sort of blind date and they need them to help them prepare. Once they do all preparatory crap, the in-love friend stops the unsuspecting friend right as they part ways to begin the “blind date” and tells them how they feel. All with hopes of being removed from “The Friendzone”.

Depending on the reaction , this is either a very sweet moment of young love OR the most brutal rejection you will ever see. I’d imagine you can guess which one I prefer watching happen.

I think this is something almost everyone can relate to. Who hasn’t been on the shit end of a “friendship” with someone they wanted to , at the very least, have sex with really badly. The great thing about this show is that it really gives you a nice insight into the differences between men and women. In most cases, where a girl admits she loves the dude, he will usually go along with it, even if you can tell from his body language that his plans are strictly to hit it and never speak to her again or just dog her out for a month. The reality of it is that most male/female friendships are pretty delicate. Meaning, most guys will always wanna fuck their female friend or, at the very least, the would if it was offered. It doesn’t matter if they’ve known her forever, or two weeks. The thing is, dudes are capable of taking those feelings and just sitting on them. Unless we actually like the girl more than just as someone we would want to bone, we tend to be good with just laying back and seeing what happens. The friendship is fine. Nothing weird. But , you best believe the dude is rarely holding that female up to the same standard he is his male friends. He’s grading on a curve cause , no matter what, there is always a sexual element involved. Obviously, there are many exceptions to this but , in general, this is how we, as men, view male/female relationships. Yes ladies, your great male buddy that you don’t even see as owning a penis would surely put his very real penis inside of you if given the chance. Would he date you? Probably not…but he’d fuck you. Believe it.

On the flip side, when the in-love person is the male and he’s pouring his heart out to the girl on “Friendzone” the results tend to be a little more harsh. Inevitably what happens is that the girl initially goes along with it out of sheer embarrassment and kindness, to eventually break it to the guy that she really only wants to be friends. The guy sulks away and weeps like a bitch over something he should have seen coming. I appreciate the honesty of the women. It’s painful but it leaves not room for misinterpretation. From that moment on, the dude knows for sure that it will never happen. It’s right about then that he cuts ties with the girl he was in love with, partially cause he’s humiliated, but also cause he realizes “who needs her?”. That’s the fragility of male/female friendships at work. If a guy really thinks about it, if the girl he “loved” were a dude with all the same personality traits, he’d never hang with that person as a friend. That’s a stark difference between the sexes that this show puts on blast. Most the girls who do the rejecting still maintain they want to be friends. The guys, on the other hand, wipe their hands clean of the whole situation and keep it moving. Why? Cause , in all actuality, they were never “best friends” with this person. If they had a rift with their close homeboy, you best believe it would get resolved. But with the “girl who’s a friend” that they want to have sex with? Probably not. Once the possibility of sex is removed, so is “friendship”

I’ve been on both ends of this.

Being the one who’s admired is both flattering and awkward cause you’re dealing with very deep emotions from another person being thrown at you against your will. Maneuvering around that without really hurting their feelings is no simple task. This has happened to me maybe 3 or 4 times in my life and I can honestly say I only ended up sleeping with one of them. I’m just not that reckless I guess. Needless to say, it didn’t pan out too well for the girl but, hey, a man can only turn down so much and women can be very persuasive, especially then their ego is at stake.

As for being the guy in the friendzone,
When I was in high school I was straight up in love with this girl my senior year. Back then, when it came to girls, I was a mess. I couldn’t get pussy for the life of me and I caught feelings for pretty much anyone who’d let me. That’s kinda par for the course with 16-17 year old boys though. As hormone driven as they are, they’re also the most vulnerable for “sucker for love” type actions. So, this girl I loved was “My friend”. But, to be honest, I legit liked her. She was very cool. She was also really good friends with my ex-girl. That was also an issue. Anyway, I spent the majority of that year hanging out with her. Every time we’d hang, I thought it might be night. I’d make her mixes. walk her home at night. have movie nights at my crib. The type of shit I barely did when i was actually a girl boyfriend. Honestly, had I made a move, something might have happened…but I was too much of a pussy to get out the friendzone. Shit, she even went to my prom with me.
Bask in my embarrassment:

(this was in 1994 so cut me some fucking slack…)
That night was gonna be it. The prom went smoothly. She was gracious but noticeably not very flirtatious. Never a good sign. When it came time for the after party where I was gonna finally make it happen (via the help of heavy drinking on both of our parts), she “felt sick” and went home. After that, I pretty much accepted defeat and recoiled. Summer came and went…I went away to school and she had one more year of high school. She ended up dating my best friend for 3 years and that was that…until I randomly boned her like 5 years later. The feelings I had were long gone but I’d be lying if I said i didn’t feel some selfish retribution.
On a bright note, my good friend and I got past the whole “I boned your ex-girl” thing and remain close friends to this day. Just a case in point of , if you’re really friends , you can get past most things. And that, my friends, is something very few people within the “friendzone” will ever understand.

29 thoughts on “The Friendzone

  1. Haven’t seen the show but ur pretty accurate, although I had at one time mastered getting ass while being in the friendzone it was very very uncommon for most of my peers. Oh she was def worth you trying to get out of the friend zone, hopefully when you boned her years later she looked the same or better and didn’t fall off. Good shut!

  2. does the female girl acting rejective to her male friend because she thinks her male friend is only trying to fuck situation exists? I mean, I’ve been in the position where my female friend would dead ass threat me with the ‘stop or youre gona end our friendship’ speech but I always thought that was only cus she didnt believe i really meant business. holla.

    • Not really (on the show). Cause the dudes are coming from a clear “I’m in love with you, I want to be with you” angle.
      In real life though, I’d imagine it comes up.

  3. Yes! Selfish retribution bangs are the best!! The best are the teases in high school that are home on Christmas break during college. That’s why Christmas is the best holiday, forget Santa.

  4. I was thinking alot about this getting ready for work, I think with dudes sometimes its as simple as, you can have whatever kinds of feelings but (to use your old analogy) if you don’t have that on duty light lit, you aren’t going to act on anything (unless you’re drunk) because its not worth the stickiness/awkwardness/hassle, but girls, I think, keep dudes as pets. I know I have done it and sometimes still do. I guess there is something unfortunately validating about having someone long for you. This is one of the millions of ways in which, even though guys always get made the villain, we suck so so so much more. Girls will even get all jealous when that pet-boy is interested in someone else or gets an actual girlfriend even though they have zero intention of giving him what he wants. We don’t like to give up the attention. We are the worst.

  5. both men and women constantly struggle with two huge flaws that i think influences most of their behavior. women tend to have a hard time being honest with themselves and men dont want to deal with anything that seems difficult or that they cannot easily grasp. this keeps men from even paying child support and from women just being that dyke they know they want to be. these two issues run so deep in our psyches that we dont even know they are at the root of things. also, forever fuck friendzone (not the show but the emotional state). i can tell you, as a woman, when a man rejects me i have no interest in hanging out. ( i got friends for that) also, when i reject someone the last thing i want is to hang out with them and watch them get all cross eyed, lovin me from across the room. i am a living breathing exception to most females, but at the end of the dayi think our gender differences are not the problem. being uneducated and plain old dumb is the real issue. most of america is one big forrest gump. its sad but more than often than not, stupid is as stupid does.

  6. This post got a 5 star vote from me.

    I am oblivious to this kind of stuff because I never have time to make beats or play video games let alone watch TV. Every now and again I will take 20 minutes to see what is on TV and I am always shocked. Let me get this straight. There is a TV show about how people never throw sh*t away? How do I get on this TV show? There is a TV show about a guy who goes around eating at different restaurants!?! How do I get on this show!?!

    “…girls, I think, keep dudes as pets.”

    My sister just told me about this. And I totally agree. Some girls just need and like the attention an interested guy gives them but they don’t really care about that dude. I am noticing this more and more. Everyone who knows me knows I have been repp’n the same girl for 16 years. I am a one woman man. Turns out I kinda hate chicks. But I found one who I would die for. But she ended up flipping on her CRAZY switch and decided I wasn’t sh*t and left me. This was about a year ago. Now she is ready to slit wrists to get back with me but I am done. Like I said. I hate chicks. But like Block says he used to be, I still am a sucker for love. If a girl shows me she is interested, I am sold. It’s like my only requirement. I caught an episode of Parks and Recreation and Aziz Ansari says, “the hottest chick I know is the chick that wants to talk to me.” I laughed my ass off because that is totally me. So what happened was, I used throw my chick out there because it was almost like a status thing. Like a validation. If I had her, I must be worth something right? So I would have her on my desktop wall paper and stuff. ON top of all that, I was genuinely focused on no one else but her. But when she dropped me, I took her down and slapped up a bunch of motorcycles and sh*t. Well girls in the office realized something was up. So right away I start getting all kinds of attention. But whenever I would try to act on any of it, I would get shut down. So my sister said it was either one of two things.

    It could be the girls actually like me and they don’t wanna come off as sluts so they won’t let me dog them like they would with a disposable guy. Which pisses me off because this feeds into the whole GIRLS LIKE ASSHOLES because they are too cool to care and they are bad asses they don’t give a sh*t about that she can throw away later.

    Or it could be that I am indeed stuck in the FRIEND ZONE. They flirt with me because they like the idea that I like them but they would never actually get with me because they aren’t attracted to me so much as they are attracted to the attention I give them.

    So they keep me around as a pet. To make them feel good kinda like how having a puppy makes you feel good.

  7. “That’s the fragility of male/female friendships at work. If a guy really thinks about it, if the girl he “loved” were a dude with all the same personality traits, he’d never hang with that person as a friend.”

    This is where I get stuck. I kinda appreciate the fact that a girl can be so much more different from me. So I tolerate it because it’s like it’s fresh. I will put up with things from a girl I wouldn’t from a guy because it’s almost like that’s what makes her different. This girl I am trying to spit at now is so perfect it scares me. She’s like a dude but she’s fukn super hot. Used to be Army. Jumped out of planes. Shot guns. Plays video games. Smokes weed. Drinks whiskey. She scares me. I swear she is hiding a penis somewhere. If it isn’t her’s, it belongs to another dude. So it’s kinda weird for me. She’s still lady like but she grew up rough as hell so she’s a fighter. Literally. So I can see me kicking it with her forever. But she has me in the friend zone.

    • My point is this… THE FRIENDZONE SUCKS.

      From what I can tell, it exists for 2 reasons. One, people have been hurt by letting people in so they keep you at a safe distance so you can’t hurt them, but they like you enough to keep you around to see if you pass all the bullsh*t tests they put you through to see if you are worth keeping. Two, people are shallow and like keeping people around because it makes them feel better about themselves and you pay the cost for letting yourself fall for someone who isn’t checking for you that same way.

      • Initial assessment would suggest that. But I’ma Libra/ENFJ. So I am connoisseur of conversation. I know the first rule of talking with a chick is not talking more than them. It could be my quickness to touch boobies once I make them a laugh a few times. But I am not quite sure.

  8. Nuff respeck due, good food for thought.
    The way you explained the difference between a girl wanting a guy versus a guy wanting a girl was a good validation of what I’ve gone through. Sometimes it helps to hear it from an outside source… puts it in perspective and such. I’ve often tried to find the Reason why I’ve dealt with certain relationships the way I have, whether I was the thirsty one, or whether she was jockin me. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the will power to resist every advance, and needless to say, feelings were hurt, and I genuinely feel bad about it. So, basically the Reason is because I’m a guy and I like gettin my duck wet, and only after said goal is attained do I start remorsefully contemplating how I’m finna get outta this mess, meanwhile my soul wrinkles a bit with each one.. Such is life; Karma’s a bitch tho cuz I’ve had shit backfire on my ass too, it all evens out in the end.

  9. hey that’s one for Dr Tony!!

    7-8 months ago i told u about this girl living far from me and if i should be patient and try and whatever… and u said i shouldn’t if i’m not not cause yeah, distance sucks.
    i didn’t know what to do and i was just kinda taking it easy and waiting to see things clearly but knowing that it wasn’t a good idea and kinda over. whatever, she was writing me and saying that she wanted to see me and spend time with me.. etc. and suddenly stopped writing and i guessed she just met another guy. i’m sure of this even if i never asked her. the thing is that that’s totally ok, as we were not really together, it could have happened to me too. the thing is that she never explained and just started ignoring me. the fuck is this. that was like 3 or 4 months ago and it’s fine and i’ve been dating random girls too but i don’t know why i am so angry now and i feel like writing an e-mail and telling her that she is a bitch. i know it’s a bad idea but she deserves to hear that she is been fucking rude. i know too that everything wasn’t that serious as in the distance easy to misinterpret feelings, but being polite and clear to the person should be the most important, dude i started dating her in 2008 and now, although i’ve been with many other girls in the meantime, i feel like an idiot.

    i know i’m being fucking random and childish but sometimes it’s just like this
    sorry for my english too hey

  10. I saw an episode and both parties couldn’t have been more uncomfortable. I had no idea the guys I considered “one of the girls” would totally do me at any given time, this doesn’t include the gay ones I assume. Love the post and your prom pic, circa 94…made me wanna “Shoop”


  11. Can’t believe no one posted this, gotta hand it to the guys for their honesty. pretty funny and worth watching all 3 minutes.

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