F#ck/Marry/Kill Vol. 9

Time once again for everyone favorite hateful game of love, sex and murder. This weeks is all over the place. Lots of cute girls, some terrible music and oprah.
Feel free to submit more ideas…BE ORIGINAL. No lady GaGa, Britney, Female rappers ect…use your inner minds eye and create something original.
Anyway, here’s the jump off:

F/M/K:Mariah Carey/Eva Angelina/Jessica Biel

Marry: Jessica Beil

Easiest answer ever? I’ve heard people complain about how buff she is but fuck that. she’s still one of the hottest actresses to me and doesn’t even seem like that big of an asshole in real life. Sure, she’s marrying Timberlake but, really, so would most white girls between the age of 22-35, so I can’t really blame her. And let’s be honest, DAT AZZZZZZ.

Kill: Mariah Carey

There is a large contingent of men out there who think Mariah is extremely attractive. Nick Cannon, for instance. I’m not one of those men. While I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t bone her before she had her baby, that statement really isn’t saying much. I’ve always not been a fan of Mariah and her stupid face. She looks like if you crossed, jennifer Aniston, a stoned owl and Rosie perez currently. She’s not busted, but she’s not hot either. But beyond that, she’s a crazy person with all sort sof problems that I wouldn’t want to deal with via marriage or sex (Well, maybe sex but whatever…someone’s gotta fall on the sword here). Also, I don’t trust people who have “a side” that they need to be photographed on. Shit is mad shady.

Fuck:Eva Angelina

Listen, if you’re gonna put a porn star in here, what else can I do but fuck her? I mean, I suppose I could kill her but not if Mariah Carey is another option, this one was pretty much set in stone. For those who don’t know who she is, Eva Angelina is a super hot faced porn star who made the mistake of getting stupid breast implants. She was once hot but now looks like a macy’s day parade balloon that will fuck you. Still, there’s simply no way Mariah is surviving this game.

F/M/K:Queen Latifah, Oprah, Tyra Banks

Fuck: Tyra Banks

Yes, she’s one of the worst people breathing on this planet. Speaking to her for 20 seconds would feel like an eternity. But welcome to the male mind!She is, far and away, the most attractive women of this bunch. And, really, that’s all it takes. As terrible as her character is, she’s also pretty fucking stunning looking (or was at one point) so it’s a no brainer. She’s getting the hypothetical business.


This is a tough one cause, in a way, these two are interchangeable. They’re both extremely wealthy lesbians who are probably kinda cool on some level. So, in a coin flip, I’d choose Oprah. I can justify this by saying she’d be super busy and it would leave me to just chill all day in her mansion and do whatever the fuck I want. I don’t doubt I’d get along with Latifah more but Oprah would be gone for like months at a time and the free reign I’d have at the crib would be pretty amazing. And it’s not like I’m fucking either of them so that’s off the table regardless.

Kill: Queen Latifah

As I explained above, I don’t wanna do it..but I gotta. This game isn’t called fuck/marry/let live their life. But know, deep down, I’d feel terrible about the whole thing.

F/M/K (Ginger Edition): Isla Fisher, Christina Hendricks, Amy Adams

Kill: Amy Adams

I have nothing against Amy Adams. She’s very cute. Good actress. But she’s pretty much just a slightly cuter version of pam from the office crossed with a second rate Ilsa Fischer. I would both fuck or marry her under different circumstances but this is tough competition. These other two girls are hard nosed competitors. Well, Hendricks was a hair away from being my Kill (I’ll get to that later) but because Adams is simply a lesser version of Fischer, she’s gotta go.

MArry: Isla Fischer

I legit Love her. Like, I wanna make her a mix tape on cassette and draw doodles on the inside of the cardboard pull out. I wanna hold her hand in front of my friends and miss sporting events cause I’d rather be with her. I wanna listen to her tell me all about her day in great detail as I hang of every syllable. It’s like that with Ilsa Fisher.

Fuck: Christina Hendricks

Seems obvious, right? I mean, she’s the sex pot of all the sex pots. Those tits! That face! But here’s why she almost ended up getting killed…She’s fat now. Yup. sorry, she is. She’s like 5’10” probably a buck 80 and I’m not Robert Crumb. She wasn’t always fat. She was once thick. And thick is the best. But in the last few pics I’ve seen her, she’s crossed that imaginary line into something I’m not sure I want to see naked. Still…her face and tits are enough to propel her into this category but , man, she made it by a hair. A long ginger hair.

F/M/K (Super Mario Edition):Princess Peach, Princess Daisy, Toadette

MArry: Princess Daisy

She’s the original. She’s the one all the other princesses are held up and compared to. For that, I the wed. Plus, she’s a brunette and I prefer them over blondes in general.


I feel like fucking her would be pedophilia and , also, she’s a fucking living mushroom person. She’s like 3’2” tops and has no nose. I’m sure she’s a sweet girl but I’m chopping this bitch up and putting her in pasta with some truffle oil.

Fuck:Princess Peach

I assume her name comes from what her vagina must taste like.Hi-oooo! I’ll admit, she’s a touch wall eyed and perhaps even learning disabled but she’s hotter than the little mushroom girl so she’ll have to do. I mean, she’s basically a living sex doll in the face so I might as well use her for that.

F/M/K: Dub Step ,Ranchero “Mexican” Music ,Musical “Music”

Fuck:Ranchero “Mexican” music

Of the three, I find this genre the most sexual. Sure, lots of people are gonna say dubstep is sexual but it sounds like a plane crash with drums. Not sexy. At least, with ranchero, I can imagine hot latina girls doing dances I couldn’t do in a billion years. Also, I could fuck it and be done with it…which is also a selling point.

Marry: Musical “music”

Kinda gay, right? But, to me, this kind of music is the most palatable of the three. Truth be told, I think musicals are the fucking worst. Like, seriously, I’d rather watch 8 hours of bridal programming than one 45 minute long musical (if such a thing exists). But, it’s at least melodic and doesn’t all sound identical. Perhaps i could marry the Trey parker and Matt stone type of musical music?

Kill: Dubstep

Everyone tells me there’s good dubstep. I’m sure there is. I hear it’s melodic. Okay. I believe you. But I’ve never heard it so I can only go on what I know. And what I know is that I fucking hate the dubstep I’ve heard. It’s loud obnoxious, and devoid of soul and melody. It makes my heart feel funny, which leads me to believe I’m simply too old for it. it’s one saving grace, the dope drums, isn’t quite enough to let me keep it alive. as I’ve been waiting for it to die in real life, if given the chance, I’d kill it myself.
(side note: If you’re a dubstep enthusiast, please just let this one go. I don’t need to hear your explanation or suggstions of dubstep I might like or your vitriol towards me concerning the subject. It’s fine. you’re 100% allowed to like it. Just let me have my opinion on it.It’s nothing personal. I’m old. This is your music, not mine. It would be like me trying to get my 75 year old mother to embrace gangster rap. Not gonna happen. Let it go. )

36 thoughts on “F#ck/Marry/Kill Vol. 9

  1. Princess Peach is the OG Mario Princess. She first appeared in the Donkey Kong Game and then in Super Mario Bros.. Princess Daisy first appeared in 1989. I had to look this up because I thought my memory was failing. But I still agree with you that brunettes are always better.

    The skillex dude is unlistenable. And I think it is I also am getting old. 4 years ago, I could listen to it when I was still in my 20’s but now that I am in my 30’s I feel like Stan from South Park.

    • And one more thing – huge props for killing dubstep! It’s definitely an age thing, and although I don’t want to be an old fart, I hate it. But on that note, long live drum & bass!

      • Yeah, dubstep is like the disappointing successor to jungle. Really all it is is slowed down jungle with no discernible melody or beat. It fuckin sucks, basically.

  2. i don’t think it’s an age thing. It’s a “this music really genuinely sucks” thing.
    I remember back in the rave ecstasy days (late 90s) all my friends were like, ‘you’ve gotta listen to this techno shit while you’re rolling!’ i had to leave the fuckin room and put on Public Enemy. Even on E I have taste.

    • Just to clarify, I too, think dubstep sucks. But, I do think dubstep is to the youth of America now what hip hop was to the youth of the mid-to late 90s.

      • I’d say it’s more what techno was…cause it doesn’t have vocals and doesn’t really have a “message” behind it. It’s dance music for people on drugs. Nothing wrong with that but equating it to hip hop is a bit much.

  3. a good edition of f/m/k, but know that there IS good dubstep….you know, the songs that sound exactly like reggae dub but with even more echo



  4. Seems like its getting harder and harder for a person to just have an opinion without others spontaneously trying to arguing about it.

    If you disagree you are wrong and I will fight you.

    • This is considered dubstep??

      It’s cool. Definitely melodic. I honestly wouldn’t really bump shit like this (but that’s more cause i don’t listen to much instrumental music in general) but it kinda sounds like some Nu-Jazz shit with faster drums.

      There’s no way this a skrillex are in the same genre.

      • Skrillex is like the Shaggy of Reggae, that weird dial up connection sounding shit is irritating.

  5. good dubstep you ask?


    dubstep started without the obvious wobble which at this point, like with anything that’s in style, went to far and got ridiculous..

    his album untrue is one of my favorite albums of all times. i can never got tired of it.

    http://youtu.be/QS38JBh5gcw – this one gives me chills

      • He can call F/M/K juvenile, but you get to call Dubstep the soundtrack for the 90’s babies of the Bourgeoisie. I would much rather be juvenile for laughing at F/M/K, then be a 90’s birth listening to Dubstep. If you were born before the 90’s and consider Dubstep the pinnacle of musical creation, then you must be on tons of drugs; if you aren’t on tons of drugs then you have no excuse.

      • This reminded me that you haven’t had a “Things that are wrong with the world” post in a while.

  6. Pingback: Rap Round Table, Week Ending 2/10/2012

  7. Hey Block, give a try with some of this:

    So called “It Girls”: Rachel McAdams, Eva Green, Anne Hathaway
    Disney Products (in case you were wondering they’re all over 18): Miley Cirus, Selena Gomez, Vanessa Hudgens
    Hottest Heiress: Ivanka Trump, Tamara Ecclestone, Amanda Hearst

  8. I hate when I say that I hate dubstep and someone just says:

    “aw, but you should check out”

    I mean, I don’t give a fuck, I just don’t like this shit, I don’t need to hear more. Accept it bro

    • I agree…I understand that what I consider “dubstep” is not the only kind but the trust of the matter is that I don’t lsiten to instrumental music in general so when people show me the different type, while it’s obviously much better , it’s not like I’m gonna go home and bump it. At best it’s like “oh, that’s cool. Well made and not terrible”.

      • I don’t care if this is pointless, I’m going to propose it anyway…

        How about grime? It’s one of the genres that dubstep developed from, it has the same tempo’s AND vocals. This is Trim (a grime MC) over a more “good” (not Skrillex blah blah) dubstep kind of beat.

        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NfPP4YC8lLI (ignore the second guy in this)

        Trim is a genius. He’s got balls too, check out his story if you like this

      • Yeah, I’m familiar with grime. Not my thing. I can’t really get into the mc’s and the beats are definitely not my steeze. It’s not bad or anything, it’s just not appealing to my tastes.

  9. Are some of these trolling dudes on here talking shit actually just some of your good buddies having a laugh? If a good friend of mine had a blog like this i would totally be doing that haha

  10. Man Block how could you not clip Tyra?! Have you ever seen her show? She is the worst. I guess looks wise I see what your saying but…

  11. hello guys

    All of this “dubstep” doesn’t sound dubstep for me. Did you ever goes to a dubstep concert ?
    I must leave after 10min, just before my ears start bleeding 😀
    A friend of me define dubstep like a slow walking elephant (who destructs everything), I like this metaphor.
    Anyway, in my very various collection of music, there’s only one dubstep tune, this one :

    Cragga – Please Mr Postman

    I’m pretty sure that without the Marvelettes vocals I’d already removed it

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