Brian: The man behind the electronic curtain



Sometimes I forget how things work. Not my microwave or my sampler but how , in 2012, we as people get shit done. Every now and then I get a shining reminder. The other day, this popped up in my email:

Hello,
My name is Brian Valenti. I worked at Sony Records for three years, and I am now working in the Marketing Department at Atlantic. I had the chance to do some research on you and I would like to offer my services to you. I maintain Social Media Networks and Brand identity for the likes of (Tyrese, Bobby Valentino, Tyga, etc. Please feel free to contact me if you are interested, I would love to help Maintain Your Social Media. I can provide anything you would need as far as Facebook Likes, Twitter followers, YouTube views (up to Millions of real views for cheap) i can work with any budget. Let me know if it would be ok to send you my most recent Package Deals. Thank you so much for your time.

Take Care,
Brian

Whenever I read shit like this, I feel betrayed. even though I know this is real and that’s how some people get things done, there’s still a little part of me that wants to believe that people actually are able to achieve things without needing help from dickholes like Brian.
Granted, this could easily just be spam. Very focused spam but spam nonetheless. But things like this do explain some things I never really have answers for. Like “How does this random un-famous person on twitter have 10,000 followers when all they tweet is links to mixtapes?” or “Why does this horrific youtube video of no value whatsoever have a million views?”
Or what about that shitty group who makes terrible music yet somehow has this huge following? I have literally asked myself before “Who the fuck actually listens to Bobby Valentino (nice name, bro)?”. I’m convinced there is “popular” music out there that no one is actually a fan of but it gets through all the channels via bullshit like facebook likes and twitter followers. Using these kind of tools as a basis of following trends, then those artists get played on the radio and video shows…all of sudden, this music that is painfully dull and average , and could be interchanged with really any other music on the planet, is a “success”. Next thing you know, Bobby Valentino is selling out shows cause people who listen to the radio will like whatever you play them. It’s a crazy cycle that’s roots begin in internet marketing…the least organic fanbase creator ever known to man.

I mean, jesus, this dude Brian is basically selling facebook likes! Is this where we are? We’ve reached a point where someone “Liking” something on Facebook carries so much weight that it has now become something a person can sell? I’m far from a political man. Shit, I care very little about most things on a deep level. But things like this make me wanna go “Falling down” meets Dead Prez on motherfuckers and run up on these crackers in their city halls.

The whole concept behind “appearance versus reality” is basically what the internet has become. It stretches from Facebook profile pics taken from angles to make an obese girls look skinny to press photos of unknown artists in front expensive cars, flexing like they don’t take the bus and live in their grandma’s attic. There was a time when “keeping up appearances” was just something miserable couples did so no one would ask them about their shitty relationship. Mom was sad and lonely, Dad was secretly gay and hates mom and their kid was a cutter who took butthole pics on isanyoneup.com. But the family photos on the wall depicted a family of great security and love.

With this kind of media manipulation were basically just told “Oh, you didn’t know? This person is famous!” and everything else follows suit. It reminds me of a season of The Real World a few years ago where the group LMFAO were on it. They were performing and hung out with the cast. They weren’t really friends and the cast wasn’t really fans of their music. That was product placement at work. Two years later, those two complete talentless retards are richer than Berry Gordy…oh wait…that’s one of their dads…but you get what I’m saying. The merits of doing work, creating something of value and reaping the benefits of that work and talent are gone. Unless you’re Adele or some other freak of nature talent, all that shit doesn’t matter. It’s all based on who’s pushing you, who’s co-signing you and how much money they’re willing to spend to do that. And all that starts from things like that email.
Now, you might be thinking “Blockhead, if that’s true, why don’t you spend your money on getting this cock gobbler Brian to help you out?”
First off, watch your tone. Secondly, I wouldn’t do that because I know emails like that are not sent to me specifically because I’m me. “Brian” has never heard of me. Brian is just throwing out his bait and seeing who bites. Brian, is also a low life amateur who sends emails to dudes like me…which speaks volumes about what kind of power he has (assuming he’s a real person at a desk and not an Iphone app).

I’d like to meet Brian. I’d like to pick his brain. See where it all went wrong for him. It’s not like he sold his soul to the devil or anything. I mean, I would hope he didn’t cause that would be a depressing trade off. But, how did brian become the man he is today? I’m sure , as a child, when he was playing on the jungle gym, he was playing just like the other kids. He wasn’t making connections and getting peoples card while soulessly promising the he can hook them up with unlimited apple juice during nap time. Nope…At some point, Brian became that guy. The guy who rubs the balls of the guy who rubs the balls of the guy who blows the guy who gets fucked in the ass by the guy who eats the shit of the guy get triple teamed by those guys who all blow that one main guy. I can’t be sure but It’s probably due to his bitter mom, angry gay dad and slutty cutter sister.

41 thoughts on “Brian: The man behind the electronic curtain

  1. I think it’s interesting that he works for Atlantic apparently and is sending out emails like this to various artists. One would think that if he even had the slightest idea who you were, that you had your own label to do this kind of shit for you. Not like some random dude from a label you’re not on.

      • I just got the same email and googled his name..This is what I found. Ha! I was curious..If I’m not signed under Atlantic Records, how is he allowed to really work with me? I don’t even know how he got my email. Thanks for the writeup. Come on Brian…

  2. really? I’m not looking to argue certainly you are entitled to your own opinion.

    Do you have any friends in sales? Your last paragraph is extremely harsh.

    Your second point is spot on. Appearance vs Reality on the internet. In my eyes, people have always been fake. Just so happens that with social media is far easier to ‘create’ an image. You have to know this, isn’t the media industry the most fake of all? far worse than my industry of extremely fake people.

    Lastly, you know your target market. You said that you make all your money on shows…and not on albums. So if those people don’t mind you calling out ‘Brian’ who you don’t know as a dramatized child who ‘gets fucked in the ass by the guy who eats shit of the guy …’ …then who cares. I wonder what your publicist would say about that? Negative sells, getting attention? I understand that part of the game. Is it worth the risk, even though you were not being serious? All I know is that it seems to me that you have been working your ass of lately and your name is popping up more often.

    Lastly, I still buy all your music…probably always will be a Blockhead music supporter. But I’m not going to fall all over myself and agree with all the shit you post like most of your readers…I think that is fake as well. You know that these types of posts, I don’t read often…..but I just got out of surgery, hopped up on drugs, can’t code…..so I’m bored.

    If in reality you pissed that some of your stuff doesn’t get the pub it deserves….yeah that sorta pisses me off too.

    • Sales people and people who work in music publicity or extremely different brands of people. Trust me, I’ve dealt with these types my entire career. My point of this is 100% related to the music business and nothing else. I dunno if you’re pulling from that and lending it to you own experiences (assumedly outside of the music industry) but this isn’t that.

      The whole “gets fucked in the ass by the guy who eats shit of the guy …” point wasn’t literal. It was meant to show he’s the bottom of the music business food chain. Anyone in the music business eats shit and gets fucked , metaphorically. From the artists to the executive producers to the big wigs at the head of the labels. it’s simply that kind of business. If that metaphor offended you, I think you were reading it wrong.
      The last paragraph , in general, was pretty tongue in cheek. If you’ve read this blog in the past, I’d assume you’ve kinda caught the drift of that being a running theme around here.

      As for my “publicist” , I truly and deeply don’t give a fuck. I have a publicist who publicizes my music. MY MUSIC. That person gets paid by my record label to promote my album. This person goes about that by reaching out to press and writing up things about the album. Getting me interviews, album reviews, write ups and so forth. Never has any publicist I’ve had even mentioned this blog or anything I’ve written. They’re completely separate and I wouldn’t be surprised if they didn’t even know my blog existed. It’s something I do 100% on my own with no outside influences..and I’d like to keep it that way. THey’re not responsible for what I write. I am. But regardless, I fail to see what that has to do with this post on any level unless you’re trying to equate the work they do with the work Brian does…which is complete different

      To be totally honest, Im not even clear what point you’re having an issue with? That Brian, metaphorically, is a whore on some level? Please, explain yourself.

      • I’m on the same page with you that your last paragraph was not serious, think I said that. Perhaps I skip all the non music related posts often, because I just don’t remember you being that harsh. What about the people that just started reading your blog? They don’t know that.
        I’ll say it in a more direct manner, we all have an image that we need to ‘sell’. I’m just surprised by your ‘I dont give a fuck’. But that is cool, that is your choice and your blog.
        I’ll stop there, and go back to my reading of your music related posts. Morphine is a great drug and this was a great way to occupy myself.
        I’ll start the countdown for your next album release.

      • Oh man, this blog has been extremely harsh in the past. Granted, it’s definitely falls under the “take everything with a grain of salt” umbrella though. I mean, the tagline of the entire blog is “Sweeping generalizations and unicorns”.

        As for your second point, that’s just it. I don’t care about my “Image”. When i started making music, I was made to seem like this brooding , dark figure who made these melodic sad beats…but that’s not me at all. I’m just a normal dude with opinions on things just like everyone else who happens to make music.
        As for the “I don’t give a fuck” concerning what my publicist might think, I don’t. It’s not their job to get mad at me about what I write in my blog (and, they don’t get mad..cause they either ignore it or don’t know it exists). It’s their job to get my music out there as much as possible. Perhaps you have a skewed view of publicists but, music publicists are not like movie publicists. At least not on my level.
        My personality and my music are very separate. The only place they really cross paths are on this very blog…which is all mine. So, I can do whatever I want with it.
        Still though, I’m not clear as to what was so harsh about the last paragraph. It was about a possibly not real person and spoke of that not real person possible upbringing and chain of command at his job (which might not be real as well). How one earth is that offensive on any level? There are no victims except “brian”. Unless your name is Brian and you wrote me that email, what’s the issue?

      • good info, yeah definitely explaining your side of the world with PR.

        to answer your question about the last paragraph…the problem is this, I knew you were not serious but the random schmuck that searches for you and finds your blog doesn’t know that. Who knows it maybe Brian (cmon you know it is not me, lol), or someone that doesn’t like seeing that language, I don’t know.

        think about your music is the most neutral music out there. except for one track, you have absolutely no lyrics or offensive language. That means that parents won’t object to their children to listening to this….your bible bangers won’t get mad. You just sorta slide right in there. But it goes back to who you make your money on and those are people that go to your shows, who don’t care. All I’m saying, is that your music is safe…what do you gain by talking like that?

        so I said it three times now, it’s all good. your blog. I respect you for ‘keeping it real’, I do the same, to a certain point….perhaps your ‘I don’t give a fuck’ attitude is your typical New Yorker attitude?

        perhaps you should be more concerned about image, your popularity has been on a slow but steady decline since 2004. Obviously that is a bold statement because you have record sales to tell another story. http://www.google.com/insights/search/#cat=0-3&q=blockhead&cmpt=q

        Understand where I’m coming from, I just want you to be able to continue making music until age 60 so I have a selfish yet vested interest in your success.

        we good here? I’m not talking any shit, just giving another point of view

      • It’s all good. But did you really just show me a google popularity graph? Wow.
        My popularity is fine and my “Image” has never played into it. I’m not lindsey Lohan or kanye west. I’m a dude who makes beats in a niche genre of music. My image can be whatever I want it to be at this point as long as people still like the music.

        Just one thing, this blog is for people who actively seek me out. Casual fans (and some really huge fans) don’t know it exists. IT’s here for those who feel like reading it.
        What di i have to gain by talking like that? as much as I have to lose. Which isn’t so much either way that I would ever consider not doing it.

      • I’m a “bible banger” and I just ignore when people make comments about my belief’s. I have my mind made up just like everyone else, no need to argue. Plus it’s really easy to come off crass when you type. Just because people don’t have the same belief’s as me doesn’t mean I don’t like their music. I mean Blockhead isn’t throwing up any illuminati signs. (that’s where I draw the line) And his blog is funny as shit. Keep it up mang!

  3. This post made me laugh more than most because I totally get both sides of the story here. As a business student, I know exactly where Brian is coming from. In the eyes of business people, someone with talent is called a “Creative” and creatives are essentially just uneducated weirdos who don’t understand how making money works. We business people help you to “harness your creative potential” and milk it until your soul becomes an asset. Then we drop you like a hot potato filled with shit when you stop being popular and move on to the next unfortunate creative loser.

    Fortunately, I’m also a musician and my whole family is filled with crazy artists. So as a business student/creative I find it hilarious when business people try and communicate with creative people in ways like this. “What? You mean you DON’T want to get 60 Million likes for the incredibly cheap price of $XXXXX???” Then they stand around the coffee maker and shake their heads, “Those crazy artists, they wouldn’t know a good thing if it punched them in the fucking dick.” And back to the sales desk. Fucking hilarious. But that’s the way the world works!

    (and on a side note, I convinced 10 of my friends who don’t even know your stuff to drive from Toronto to Montreal through a blizzard to see you last week. They all fucking loved it and danced like total idiots. I’d call that ten “Real” likes.)

  4. See this is why I never pay attention to stuff like this because then it deters you from the thing that matters most. The music. I’ve never been into the whole “image thing”. If you make genuinely good music, you don’t need some fake ass bling-slinging image to make yourself more marketable. Putting your name out there is one thing, but trying to be something you aren’t to get more fans is another. On another note, we missed you in Buffalo man. Drove 8 hours from Jersey to see a little sign on the door (would’ve gotten your FB post if the reception hadn’t been shit). So we drank our sorrows away at Pearl St Bar, and then pretty much raped our turntables in a drunken frenzy. Man, fuck the wind. Be looking forward to the next show.

  5. You might like to know that the R’n’B performer(can’t really call him a singer) who used to call himself Bobby Valentino is now called Bobby V. This happened because the stole the name from a UK singer, songwriter and musician and was sued by him. So he didn’t even think up the name. It’s now Bobby Vee’s turn to sue him

    Check out the real Bobby Valentino at http://www.bobbyvalentino.co.uk

  6. thanks for this post, man. You’re very insightful and have some cajones for not being scared to alienate listeners. Internet popularity has taken talent out of the equation for the most part. I understand the business attitude, which is basically: we’re here to make $ at any cost. Artistic integrity is usually the casualty. anyway, I think your alma mater oughta give you an honorary degree. props

    • Haha..if only I wasn’t a drop out.

      But, yeah, the business side of art is the worst. It’s necessary but it’s the opposite of what this is all about. I suppose the two sides will never really understand each other.

  7. Brian’s offering you the opportunity of a lifetime, man. I say reply and request those details immediately. Specifically, find out if he can do anything on older, less relevant media as well (e.g., radio, television, newspapers, magazines, the circus, etc.). That’s where that good old money is. Get at dude.

  8. lmfao is seriously some of the worst garbage that is out there. I cant imagine what talentless hacks will sound like in the future.

  9. Did you just call LMFAO “talentless”?

    This dopness is only a notch or two below Anotha Level. (5 Mics)

    39

  10. I’ve worked with Brian Valenti for years and all i can say is I’m shocked at what you would write about someone you don’t even know. It just shows how immature you are. All the traffic he delivers is legit, it’s not some fake bullshit. He gives you the deal of a lifetime and treats his clients fairly. Yea, he drove traffic for me and i ended up with more of a following but you know what in music your audience is everything and he gives you that foundation and then builds off it. He landed me on the front page of YouTube and i received my record deal off his marketing. So for me to pay a few hundred bucks for that and now i’m touring and living my dream while your in your room writing on this horrific looking blog yea, i’ll take it. The way you talk so negatively you can’t be far in life. You should hit him up and let him help you and stop being soo pessimistic.

  11. I produce music videos for a local band trying to become full time musicians. Not 2 hours after I read this they sent a mass email to all their friends/family that included: “Would you take the time to visit our facebook page and “LIKE” us? This seems miniscule – but apparently it makes a difference in the perceived legitimacy from the people who book us” I think things like this are sadly the future of music.

    PS. FUCK Brian.

  12. the “oh you didnt know this person is famous?” bit totally hit home with the way i see it. i’m the most useless person in a conversation regarding radio names and celebrities. i always feel like people think of other people as famous only because they were told that they were famous by the banners on their social networking sites. i got caught up with brian’s approach to music and it was the emptiest feeling shit ever. lifeless. im going to have more fun establishing a physical presence through local gigs and some viral street art. what’s annoying is that everyone assumes all musicians are striving to get alllll the way up there. makes me not want to talk about my own music to anyone. great read, even greater picture

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