Ask Dr. Tony Vol. 12

Good day everyone. Back again with that ill advised, yet strangely on point guidance that you crave. As always, I’m not a doctor…nor do I play one on TV. I’m just a guy who gives decent advice and isn’t scared about being a little harsh cause, well, I don’t know you people.
Anyway, send me more questions! Love life a mess? Holler. Is your man a piece of shit? Holler. Is your girl maybe a lesbian? Holler
send questions to: or leave them in the comments below.
Let’s start this one off with one of the dumbest questions I’ve ever gotten…

Yo Doc,

So I live with my girl and her friend (female) they both have yeast infections, at the same time. Do you think they’re boning the same dude, does that sound far fetched (i’m not boning the friend-honest to god)

I’m not an actual doctor but I’m pretty sure yeast infections aren’t only caused by sex. So, no. I don’t think they’re boning the same dude. I do think they’re putting the wrong kind of bread in their pussies though. My guess would be they’re using some cheap wonderbread type brand when, really, they should just pony up for a nice french baguette. Have some pride, ladies.

I was with this amazing girl about 6 or 7 months back, we were
together for about a year. She was really into me and I, like most
men, just bottled up those things called emotions and feelings. The
last time we saw each other is when she showed up to me house at
around 3.30 – 4 am the night before I was heading out into the field
for 5 weeks. We had an argument which resulted with me kicking her out
of my house and than trying to call her the next day as i was heading
to the study area before the cell signal died. Between that time and
now I have been in a real deep rut, depression and all which existed
prior to meeting her came back. well anyways, over the last couple of
months we have been talking again and I would like to get her back but
don’t rightly know how too seeing as I am on one side of the world and
she lives on the other. She says she still cares deeply for me, and i
know that for a fact because she is an honest person which is why she
was good for me, that and she was helping me over come my depression.
So, Doctor Tony, what do i do? do i go after her and make a jackass
out of myself or just continue with how things are now?

Seeing that you’re on the other side of the world, it’s a tough call. I don’t know how long you’re gonna be there and if you’re planning on coming home but, if you are, I’d say the best thing for you to do is just stay on good terms with her, let her know your intentions for when you return and just hope she’s still available once you get back. Trying to lock her down from across the world isn’t really fair and , in many cases, would lead to all sorts of insecurities. You said she’s a good girl, so I’m assuming she’s not the type who’s fucking a football team right now but still…that kinda distance can be as much of a mind fuck as the actual relationship.
All that said, if you stay in touch with her, keep it cool and go home, by all means go hard for her.
One thing I would warn you of is that, often, when we are separated from a girl for a long time and lonely/sad we sometimes make a fantasy version of her in our heads. It’s as if we forget all the things she used to do that were terrible and only remember the great parts. It’s an idealized version of the person we knew under different circumstances. I don’t know if this is the case at all with you but, you know, just be aware of that. Cause, if it is, you could be coming back with wifing her up on your mind and then a week in be like “Oh man, I forgot what a fucking moron this girl was…”.

how long do you wait and what do you do with all of the shit an ex with lotsa history with you gave you? some of the shit is nice, like an external hard drive and speakers.

and, if an ex says he wants to remain your best friend, how do you approach that? do you tell him to go fuck himself or does the “exes turn to best friends” strategy work sometimes? i honestly don’t even wanna see his face right now.

That’s really on you. I’d imagine , if you did the dumping, that kind of sentimental stuff really isn’t holding you down. But, if you got dumped, it’s a constant reminder of how you got thrown away. SO, if you got dumped, I’d just throw all that shit in a box and bury it somewhere in your house where you don’t have to see it all the time. There might come a time when you might actually look back fondly on some aspects of the relationship or even a time when you can laugh about how dumb that guy was…and those things might be fun to have around. And don’t be a dickhead and throw out speakers or a hard drive.
As for the “Stay friends” shit…I’m afraid that something guys just say to soften the blow. It doesn’t mean he DOESN’T wanna be friends, it just means he wants things to be cordial if you ever run into each other or if you guy hang is a similar crowd.
OR it could mean he’s a piece of shit who’s trying to somehow open the doors to maybe have random sex with you down the line. It could really go either way.
The ex’s to friends thing is possible…but it’s rare. Ideally, I think we wanna be on cool terms with all of our ex’s but that’s it. We break up with people for a reason. If they remain in your life in a major way, I can see a lot of complications coming from that. But, hey, it’s possible…just unlikely.

I’ve been wondering this, but I am always way to uncaring to look the shit up, so since I’m here….. Whats heavy petting mean?

Heavy petting is what your parents did at the drive in , in the back seat of their dads ford model T.
Heavy petting is just intense making out. Like a long make out sessions. It can involve titty touching and maybe some over the pants genital rubbing. I’d say the line between heavy petting and something more is crossed when either a dick is released into the air or when a fingers is touching the bare skin of a vagina.
So, you know, using the base system, it’s somewhere between a double and a triple.
But, seriously, who on earth calls it that anymore? It’s like “necking”. Gross.

During this last fall semester in college I had to take a science class so I could graduate that year. In that class there was a girl I thought was extremely cute, but never really talked to her. She would always smile at me in class and say hi, so I knew she was into me. I waited until the last day of class to get her name and number. She was excited I talked to her and a couple of days later she texted me at like 12am asking me to come hang out at her dorm. So I picked her up at her friend’s apartment where she had been drinking. We went back to her dorm and had great sex. We even went twice in morning, trying not to wake up her roommate in the next room. The next day we had breakfast and then she went back home for Winter break. I texted her a few times over the break, but no real conversations. A couple of days after she gets back I texted her but got no response. A week later I texted her again, but got no response again. Is she threw with me? Was I just a hit and run? Its weird being on the other side of this dilemma as a guy…

This could be a few things:
a) She was on and off with a dude when you hooked up. Since winter break she got back with him and would rather have no contact with anyone cause she’s definitively with this guy.
b)That night and morning of passion wasn’t all that and she’s not into it. You never know. you coulda said or done something creepy that rubbed her the wrong way and, upon later reflection, she wanted nothing to do with you.
c)You knocked her up and she’d rather raise the baby without a father than with the guy who blew a load in her on a one off during college.
d)You were just something fun for her to do once. I mean, shit, men do that shit all the time. I’m sure women have those same moments as well. Kind of a “Get it out of your system” fuck. Sounds like she got what she wanted, had fun and moved on.
e)You gave her some shit and she’s furious.

All this said, it is weird that she’s not contacting you AT ALL. That’s just basic rules of engagement. Because of that, my money is on A or D being the real reason.
But, whatever dude…cest le vie. You’re in college. I’m sure there’s no shortage of sexual partners there.

3 thoughts on “Ask Dr. Tony Vol. 12

  1. here’s a question for you….I just saw a headline on yahoo about how if Snooki is really pregnant this could be a cash cow for her…(….how the fuck can this be “news” worthy? Who the hell cares if garbage is procreating?…why would anybody want to pay for “news” on this?…this all somehow reminds me of this Bill Hicks bit….….”judgement call and I’m making it”

  2. ok…
    -if a law came out, a law that forbides people to wear hats, what would you do? would you shawe your head , stop going out …
    -jerking off on your friends girlfriends-go
    -since you are old is there a special routine when it comes to cuting your toenails
    (yes,i deserve what you just said out laud)
    -when you fart under the blanket do you secure the exits around your head or open blanket to wind the whole body (sorry, i’m awear of my english “skills”)

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