Sometimes I feel like I’ve missed out a little by being born when I was. For all the positives that come with growing up when I did, there are lots of likely missed opportunities when I consider what it must be like to be young in 2012. Especially in relation to girls and having sex with them. Sure, being around when you actually had to talk to people on the phone (in complete sentences, nonetheless) builds character but I can only imagine what it’s like to carry on an entire sexual relationship nowadays via text with only Smily faces, writing “LOLZ” and giving directions for late night meet ups…but most of all, I feel like I’ve missed out on the blossoming generation of sending nude pics…those questionable life choices captured forever and sent into the ether by people without a care in the world. Sure, back in the day, people did this, filmed themselves fucking and pretty much everything else under the sun…but today the added level of big brother is almost like a scary and sexy bonus. And by big brother, I mean both the metaphorical Big Brother overseeing everything and the literal concept of your older brother stumbling across nude pictures of his little sister online…cause in 2012, BIG BROTHER is the internet and that’s where nude pics end up. Online.
A while back someone put me on to the website isanyoneup.com. This is a site where people (both men and women) submit nude pics of ex’s , enemies or themselves and the dude who runs the site (Hunter Moore) posts the pics up with links to their facebook or twitter. It’s cruel, often disgusting and sometimes really hot. From a corny dime piece from Scottsdale Arizona to a goth cutter girl to the fattest most disgusting pebble dicked guy from cleveland, this site has everything. It’s a veritable playground of humor and sadness. Funny captions and partially ruined lives all wrapped up into one. It’s also addictive. Scrolling through the pages I can’t help but think , if I were 10-15 years younger, how many or these people would I know. Or currently , what i would do if one of my nieces of nephews popped up on there. So far, so good…but still, that fear is always there just a little. Chris Rock said he just wants to keep his sons of crack and his daughters off the pole…well, add “Keep them off isanyone.com to that list.
But these pics of no-name 20 somethings from all over the world pale in comparison to the world of celebrity nude photos. I dunno who these phone hackers are but they’re doing gods work. It’s reached a level where nude picks are so common now, if I fancy a particular celebrity, it’s not a matter of IF I’ll ever see her naked, it’s when I’ll see her naked. At least about 75% of them. Recently, Both Christina Hendricks (the huge titted redhead from “Madmen”) and Olivia Munn ( a girl I’ve been in love with for like 5 years now) had photos leaked. Adding their names to the list that already contains the likes of Scar-jo, Jessica Alba, Rihanna, vanessa hudgeons and countless other girls I’d happily snuff out a homeless person for a night with.
Shit, i found this webpage in about 2 seconds of looking…
Now, this is all fine and dandy until it’s time for the hollywood clean up job. It is only then that we get to witness grade A bullshit ,running on all cylinders. Much like when my eyes saw R-kelly fucking and pissing on an underaged girl, the proof is in the pudding. I know some people are photoshop ninjas but there’s only so much you can alter and have the pics still look legit. So, to see publicists and actors/actresses deny the validity of these pics is , most of the time, comical. It’s like “hey bitch, WE KNOW WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE!!!” But, as much as the evidence piles up (the internet is fantastic at doing detective work.IE:Finding other pics where the girls is wearing the same cloths, same phone ect…) the response is “It wasn’t me…”. But, we know…we know the truth. The beautiful truth.
Just once I’d like one of these people to own up to it. I mean, people have to an extent by “not denying” it or giving some sob story of how they took those pics for “themselves” but I want truth. I wanna hear “Well, the guy I’m fucking and I both travel a lot so sometimes , when we’re both bored and horny, we send each other nude pics. Some guys hacked my phone and got’em…and there you go.” Not only would that silence everyone but it would almost make it respectable. I don’t think there’s any normal person out there who would read that and be like “Whore!!” cause, in reality, we’ve all done something along those lines. Being driven by horniness is nothing new. I’m sure, in the heat of passion, a girl could talk me into all sorts of dumb shit if she asked at the right time…and I’m pretty practical. Imagine that power in the hands of someone using it against a person with no self control!
I like that nude pics are a thing now. It gives a wifed up dude like myself something to look forward to. Every few months, I get a surprise and there’s no rhyme or reason to it. I’m sure, in upcoming months, all sorts of tits and vaginas will be seen. If I can make some requests to the hacker out there: Meagan Good, Jessica Biel, Rosa acosta, Megan Fox, Amanda Seyfried…just to name a few. And if those don’t work out, I won’t be mad at the Zooey Daeschanel, Katy perry and Ciara pics that will undoubtedly leak any day now. It’s only a matter of time.
And, not to echo the statements of Hunter Moore (the guy who runs isanyoneup.com) but, in this day and age, if you really wanna not have this happen to you, simply don’t do it. It’s so easy NOT to take nudes and send them to people. Basically, you’re only as safe as your text/email history. Godspeed!