Answers for Question vol. 81


Good day to you. I hope your weekend went well, mine was was completely uneventful.
This weeks questions are pretty random…just like I like them. Send me more questions of a random nature to: phatfriendblog@gmail.com. Or leave them in the comments below.
Also, I’m looking for more “Ask Dr. Tony” questions. If you got questions concerning your love life or whatever and need the help of a stranger with a strong moral compass, I’m your guy. Send me those soon cause I’m trying to do one later for this week.
okay. Let’s continue…


There is a woman , Hazel Jones, that was born with two vaginas (and she’s even pretty hot).
She seems to be ok with it and said that now after puberty and all kind of shits that a double vagina may have brought in her past (??!?) she has a great sex life, actually she even said that it’s an ice-breaking story at parties. Some weeks ago Vivid (the biggest porn company, they even got the rights on the Kardashian-Ray J flick) offered her a 1 mln dollar contract just to star in one of their films, but she refused and said she would never do it in a million years.
So the question is: if you had, let’s say uhmmm two dicks, would you like to openly talk about it? And would you consider a 1 mln offer for a porn scene, knowing the obvious impacts that a world wide known sex flick and a 1 mln heavier bank account could bring to your life?

First off, I don’t blame Vivid for trying to throw her money. Not only is she totally fuckable (twice!) but a second vagina would revolutionize gang bang porn. I mean, you could add YET ANOTHER DUDE.
But back to the question…this is tricky. Personally, I’m not the type that would want to star in porn’s. I’m a bit more private. I think it more comes down to that line of thinking. You’re either down to do it on camera in front of people, or you’re not. The money might sway someone who was on the fence about it but , if that’s just not the type of person you are, you’re never going to agree to it. It’s kinda like the age old question girls ask straight guys “Would you suck a dick for a million dollars?”. If you answer yes, there’s a tiny part of you that kinda down to suck a dick…or you’re student loans are really out of control. Either way, saying yes to something like that speaks a deeper truth.
Now, if I had two dicks, I’d imagine I’d be pretty quiet about it publicly. I mean, whose business would it be , but mine? That said, things like that tend to get out and once it was discovered, I’d probably embrace talking about it. You know, i bet the guy who has two dicks and who goes public with it actually gets a lot of pussy. Lots of women are curious by nature and I’d venture to say there are a decent amount of women who would be tempted to see what it was like getting double teamed by one man.

I remember you saying that both Music By Cavelight and Downtown Science both sold over 10,000 units. Can you tell us how many units The Music Scene sold?

Do you think with the tremendous exposure from your very popular Music Scene video that you will see more sales with the upcoming album? Have you seen any pick-up in sales since the video was released?

I honestly have never even checked out what the sales for “The music scene” were. By the time that dropped, people had stopped buying records and I just accepted that those are numbers I don’t really need to see. Not only cause it would be depressing but it would also be misleading. For all I know it could sold like 4000 copies…I really have no idea. It’s ironic cause I’d guess more people heard that album than any of the previous ones (excluding “Music by Cavelight”). They just didn’t buy it.
As for the video’s effect on my sales, I really don’t know. I doubt it. But it did get me a massive amount of exposure that I’ve seen carry over into people coming out to my live shows. So that’s good.

is it nasty to just use one shower loofah for everything or are you one of those guys that needs a wash cloth for every body part? Whats the deal with that?

I feel like there is this understanding that things like loofas kinda just clean themselves. It’s the same ideas you apply to soap. If you think about it, soap should be pretty fucking filthy, but people just will grab any old bar of soap and rub it wherever they see fit.
Personally, I’m a guy who’s got some bath soap (in liquid form) and I just kinda use my hands to clean myself off. I’m not a coal miner. There’s never caked on dirt anywhere near my body so it seems to do the trick fine. I don’t think I’ve ever used a washcloth in my life. #whitepeople

What kind of info can you see about your visitors on WordPress? I use to run a site 10 years ago and I could see the full name of whoever is paying the internet bill, address, their last visited site before entering my site, what site they left to go visit, all their aliases, computer specs, files, etc etc. If you can see that info and sell it to third parties you can make thousands a day once you reach a few thousand unique IPs visiting daily.

Oh, nothing like that. Not even close. The “Stats” page to wordpress is pretty thorough but not at all invasive. I know how many people read the blog a day, I know how many people read certain articles (excluding those who just view it from the front page), I know what people click on from the page (what links they hit), I know where they’re reading from (what city and what country), and I know how they got here (where they were linked from).
For instance, if something I write gets posted on Reddit.com, I’ll get a large influx of readers from there that day, and I can click on the link to find the origin.
But, as far as personal info, I see none. Don’t worry, Illuminati has not found Phatfriend.com yet.

I woke up from a wierd & somewhat re-occurring dream today. In said dream i had found a lost stash of Planter’s Cheez Balls. For those who don’t know, these have been discontinued about 6 or 7 years ago. Sadly i was in jail during this most heinous act and never got a chance to properly say my good-byes to one of the only things in life that has always gave me comfort. It, obviously, still haunts me to this day. . . So here is my question to you: Have the fat-cat corporate pricks ever tormented your taste buds by allowing you to fall in love with one of their devilishly delicious products only to take it away from you for eternity, leaving your still-beating heart on the side of a road for some hairy truck-driver to piss all over it while you helplessly watch from a distance? If so, what product? And does the pain ever go away???

Good question! In fact, I have three answers all related to the same company. Motherfuckin’ Hostess.
For some reason, Hostess like to give and take away things.The three things that pop into my head are

1) Choco-dile: This was a chocolate covered twinkie. I mean, come the fuck on! how do you stop making that? Not to mention, they were sold in single packs for a quarter. Granted, that was in the 80’s and 90’s but I’d gladly pay 75 cents for one now.


2)Choco-bliss: This was a chocolate cake, with a creamy chocolate filling with a thicker, super rich chocolate frosting top. It had a short run but, man, that shit was awesome.


3)Pudding pies: Now, these are the only ones I kinda understand why they discontinued. It’s bastard cousin, the fruit pie still somehow exists but they deaded the pudding pies (at least in NY) like 15 years ago. I’m not a pudding guy really but this treat was amazing. chocolate covered dough with pudding in the middle. The pudding was really more just like what you might find inside a really good boston cream donut. I’m guessing some kid ate one and died of botulism or something so they stopped making it. Too bad. That treat got me real fat in 6th grade.

As a side note, I don’t know for sure if all three of these things have been taken off the shelves. For all i know, they’re still in every cost-co in Wyoming. But I havne’t seen any of these in NYC since the 90’s.

I know your not keen on UK rap music in general, neither am I for that matter, however one thing I’m not sure about is your view on Christian rap music although I feel from reading your blog and following your tweets I could probably make a decent assumption as to where you stand on this too. Anyway, here is some UK Christian rap, I’d just like your honest (and amusing) opinion on how you feel about this video. I will also add it is 100 percent serious no matter how much the whole concept and video would lead any relatively sane human being to believe.

I have 100% no interest in christian rap. I’m not a religious person at all and hearing about it in rhyme form is even worse. Add on it’s british christian rap and you pretty much have my living hell. That said, this video is fucking hilarious.

Hey Unc’ Tone, if you were going to go apply for a job between these two positions which one would you choose; A teacher in the art of basketball-flopping or a master referee teacher? What do you think are the salaries for each position, respectively?

Oh, I’d easily take the master referee job. Not only do I think floppers are the biggest pussies in sports, I have a feeling the NBA might take action against it one day, making the flopping school pointless.
i dunno what kinda money is in NBA reffing but I’m sure it’s better than someone who teaches flopping. Unless that person is Reggie Miller, in which case, he’s a multi-millionaire.

The worst thing I’ve ever made


The good people at syffal.com have been kind enough to have a “Blockhead week” on their website.
Over the course of the week, this has included an bizarre interview with me, an album review, the normal weekly trending topics and this…
http://www.syffal.com/blockhead-80s-90s-tv-themes

Basically, they asked me to make a song out of old tv themes. I obliged in the worst possible way. Enjoy it…and resent how it makes you feel.

Song of the day 4/13/12


Frozen Sunlight by Billy Woods Feat Open Mike Eagle and Marq Spekt
http://limelinx.com/files/083d632fa4a7dffdeb63fa7b844ad2c8

It’s been a good month for rappers I like/work with doing songs together. Earlier Illogic, Marq Spekt and open mike eagle did a song and now, Open Mike Eagle and Spekt join Billy Woods for a non-album track banger produced by Willie Green.
In case you were unaware, Billy Woods released his album “History will absolve me” earlier this week. It’s literally the only thing I’ve been listening to. I can’t express enough how much you should buy this album. It’s on I-tunes or available at http://backwoodzstudioz.com/ .

I’m not about to write a review of the album but I can say it’s a real album. In the sense that it was made with consistent themes, it ties together musically, and Woods seems to have an overall concept behind the entire thing. To say that kind of thing is rare nowadays is an understatement. Not to get corny but this kind of thing is art. I generally hate that word and think throwing it around when discussing rap is extremely lame but there’s no other way to put it. It’s not always easily digestible but it’s something you can go back to , time and time again and pull something new out of. So, yeah, if you like hard rap with a head on it’s shoulders that somehow manages to be not at all nerdy, this will be your shit.

As I said, this song was a track that didn’t make the album and , that alone, is a testament to how strong this album is. Peep it.

Yo! I got some upcoming shows!


Hey everyone, I’m doing a quick little three day stint opening for Conspirator at the end of this month.
I’m hitting Albany (kinda…but actually Clifton park), Philly and NYC.
Here’s the info:

4/26/12: Northern Lights
1208 route 146
Clifton park, NY

4/27/12 Trocadero
1003 Arch St.
Philadelphia, PA

4/28/12
Irving Plaza
17 Irving Plaza
Ny, NY

Like i said, I’m supporting Conspirator so, if you’re coming to see me, be sure to not show up too late or you might miss me. I’m hoping to have the new album on both cd and vinyl by the time the shows happen so, come and get’em!
Also, I got shows coming soon in Denver and Milwaukee

5/3/12 Denver at Cervantes
5/25/12 Milwaukee at the Stonefly Brewing Co.

The other side of bullying: People are assholes. Everyone.


So, there’s this new movie about bullies called “Bully” (not to be confused with the unexplainably watchable Larry Clark movie of the same name). While I haven’t seen the movie i did watch this preview recently and it got me thinking.

Bullies are assholes. No shit. They are cowardly people doing cowardly things , usually stemming from insecurity and their own personal issues. Looking at that unfortunate, questionably deformed, nerd kid in the movie trailer is pretty depressing. He seems like a nice enough kid and ,really , his only crime is looking how he looks. He’s an Uber-nerd simply because he looks like one. While classic 80’s movie nerd giveaways (such as genuinely embracing school work and having interests that don’t include sports and girls) may apply to him, we don’t really know that for sure. All we know is that he’s funny looking. And in this age of hyper-political correctness, where being smart is no longer frowned upon like it once was, the ugly , weird kid is still and will always be a prime target. No matter how much we strive to be our own people when we’re young, there is an invisible line between a quirky, off center kid and an outcast nerd, ripe for abuse.

When I was in high school, I was never one for bullying. In fact, I would usually go out of my way to be nice to those kids cause the people picking on them tended to be total dicks. I always gave those types the benefit of the doubt, as people. They were obviously living in hell and the last thing they needed was another person pushing them around. That said, while I was friendly, it’s not like I was gonna hang out with them and forge friendships. My whole idea was to just not add to the problem. Basically, I was thinking “if this person snaps, I’d like him to not wanna kill me first”. During my 11th grade year, I made a startling discovery that would forever alter the way I look at kids who get bullied. It turns out, people are people. And from the most popular kid to the lowest member of the high school social caste system, assholes are everywhere. Who knew?

There was this one kid in one of my math classes named Svi (the name alone put a bullseye on his back). Svi was a genius. He was in 6th grade but was taking 11th grade math (which was annoyingly easy for him). He was obese, had glasses, he smelled kinda weird, had a shrill high voice and when he spoke, you could hear the phlegm swirling in the back of his throat. He was like a short, pale, white frog who was amazing at math. Straight up, he was gross. Not surprisingly, he got relentlessly picked on. He’d get spit balls hurled at him, he’d get his pants pulled down in the locker room, he’d get pushed into the girls bathroom. Typical asshole bully shit.
Sitting in class , watching all that go down, I felt bad. Granted, he did things that garnered negative attention like throw tantrums in class over mathematic arguments or smugly correct kids when they didn’t know the answers. But, it still didn’t make his abuse okay to me. So, one day, I decided to just chat with him. sort of a low maintenance olive branch. Understandably, he was a little on the defensive. All he knew was that people wanted to fuck with him so he was perfectly justified to be apprehensive.
Once he realized I wasn’t a threat , he relaxed a little and things went smoothly.
About 5 or so minutes into the conversation I realized something. Svi was , in fact, an ego maniacal asshole. He was dismissive, contrarian , extremely condescending and completely full of himself. That guy I saw in class was not only real but it was toned down.
I was kinda shocked. Here I was expecting a nice, misunderstood kid but it turns out that he’s exactly the kind of person I didn’t like. I thought maybe it was just a defense mechanism but, as we spoke a few more times I realized that’s just how he was. He was an asshole.
After that, I remained cordial to him but I definitely felt a little less remorse when kids would pick on him. Sure, they were doing it for all the wrong reasons, but fuck that kid. While he didn’t deserve that treatment, he didn’t NOT deserve it either. Regardless, he left the next year and I’m sure he’s a millionaire now so, well, the jokes on us!

Anyway, later that year in school, there was another kid , Michael, who got harassed a lot. In his case, he was this fem drama kid. While people didn’t just come out and say it, it’s obvious the abuse was coming at him cause people thought he was gay. I didn’t go to a particularly intolerant school but there’s always a few jerkoff kids that are gonna take issue with that kinda thing. He and I had a class together but never spoke much, mostly due to him kinda keeping to himself and me not really giving a shit. The bullying he received was different than the kind Svi got. He didn’t get physically pushed around as much as he just got berated all the time. However, I always gave him credit as he seemed unphased by it all. He’d just roll his eyes, flip his hair and keep it moving (the hair flip certainly didn’t help his cause).

Much like Svi, I one day happened into a casual conversation with him and , within minutes, realized he was a pompous dickhead. It was more than a lack of social grace, he was simply unlikeable. I remember walking away from the conversation and things started clicking. Perhaps some people who got bullied kinda had it coming on some level? Like in a karmic sense. What he was getting picked on for was completely unjustifiable, but he was a prick outside of that so maybe , in a roundabout way, it all made sense. Obviously, picking on defenseless people for reasons they have no control over is never okay. But, in the case of both these people, they were legit assholes. I realize I wasn’t the judge and jury of this kinda thing but maybe they had no friends for a reason. Not cause they were social outcasts, but because they were just really unsavory people. Part of the bullying just came as a result of that friendless life , when seen by others in a social setting. Unless you carried a switchblade ,had a mohawk and seemed dangerous, “loner” types never had much of chance, socially, in high school.

Since then, I’ve come across countless situations similar to this where someone I once felt bad for proved themselves to be just as insipid as the people bullying them. Sure, in different ways, but once you’re an adult, all that evens out. It’s rare that an adult bullies another adult. Instead we’re left with self righteous people with a chip on their shoulder and passive aggressiveness. I’m convinced the population of Williamsburg is like 50% these types.

My point in all this is not to say that the people getting bullied have it coming. Of course not. However, I also think it’s unfair to immediately think that just cause someone is getting bullied, that they are automatically great people to be pitied unconditionally. Plenty of assholes get bullied. Plenty of downright despicable people have been harassed. Does it make bullying okay? Not at all. But I just feel like it should be noted that not every nerdy looking kid has a heart of gold. The same way not every stripper is a money grubbing piece of shit. There are always exceptions to every rule. That doesn’t make the bullying okay…but it can add some perspective beyond the typical “Big bad kid beats up little smart kid” way of looking at it. I feel like, in the end, very few people are ever totally innocent. And, on the bright side, people who bully tend to age poorly. I’m pretty sure all the kids I went to high school who used to pick on kids are now miserable and wishing it was still 1994 again.

Also, i’d like to add that bullying has been around forever. It’s led to everything from high school shootings to brilliant nerds making billions of dollars out of spite for the people who tortured them as youths. It will never go away. As long as there are kids who feel the need to prove themselves by picking on easy targets, there will be easy targets to get picked on. It’s just kinda how things go. It’s just too bad that there are so many avenues to take with bullying now that didn’t exist even when I was a teen. I’d much rather get thrown in a locker then aired out on facebook or twitter. That’s for sure.

Album tracks Vol 2


A couple weeks ago, I did a little compilation of semi-obscure old rap songs that were just good old album tracks. You know, those songs that were never made into videos (for the most part) or got played on the radio (back when that was a thing that mattered). These were always my favorite songs from many of the classic albums of my younger years. There’s a good chance you’ve heard a few of these but an even better chance you haven’t…after all..you’re like in your 20’s, right? Lil’ wayne mixtapes are old school to you people…this shit is like prehistoric. Goddamn I’m old…
anyway, a few of these have probably been “song of the day” on here but most of those old links are down anyway, so this isn’t hurting anyone.
Okaaaaaay? Enjoy…

http://www.mediafire.com/?c3md7w3d1omytdf
1)Get into something: Just Ice
2)your man is my Man: Nikki D
3)Where’d you get your bobo’s: Yaggfu front
4)Can’t stop us: Field Mob
5)Couldn’t C it: Young Bleed
6)On the Jazz tip: Maestro Fresh Wes
7)Space Boogie: Kurupt
8)Wrek the art; A.S.A.P.
9)Any way the wind blows: The UMC’s
10)U still a Aggin: Willie D
11)Dope not hype: Nice and smooth
12)In 20 minutes: Extra Prolific
13)The whore said it’s yours: Threat
14)Ya don’t stop: Fesu
15)I don’t need you: Trina Feat. Trick Daddy
16)Thoughts of a negro: School of hard knocks
17)I can’t believe it: Capitol Tax
18)This is a game: The future sound
19)The Blues: Andres 13 (off the first Terminator X solo album)

Answers for questions vol. 80


First off, how is Emo Bunny^^^^ not a huge internet thing yet?
Secondly, hello! Some really fun questions this week. This week is a good template for how I like this column to go. A little of this, a little of that.
If you got more questions send them to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comments below. Okay? Great.

do u use a towel, at home, for more than one shower, and if so do u try to keep a memory of which side of said towel was for ur balls and which for ur face, AND if u happen to have a brain fart of which was used for which, would u use it anway or grab a fresh?

I beat that system by having a bathrobe. That dries my body and I use a towel for my head and legs. Actually, true story, I have a bathrobe , that one of my brothers got me for Christmas a few years back , that has “Blockhead” written on it. It’s half the coolest thing ever and half extremely embarrassing.

Yo Block, you ever walk in on any of your family members committing sexual acts? Y’know, like catching your parents fucking, or a sibling masturbating? Vice versa, has any one of your family members ever caught you having sex or jerkin’ off?

I definitely never walked in on my parents fucking. That would have been horrific But when i was like 11 and my brother was like 13, I would constantly walk in on him jerking off. This has more to do with the amount 13 year olds jerk off. His bedroom was next to mine and to get to the bathroom, i had to walk through his room. It got to the point where I’d purposely just burst in to fuck with him cause seeing someone try to hide the fact that they are jerking off , while startled is some truly hilarious shit. In college, I roomed with one of my oldest friends and “the burst in” was a common thing. It got to the point where we’d throw the extra lock on if one of us was in there jerking. Yes, just some guys having fun at the expense of another guys in their most vulnerable moment.
As for me, I’ve been fairly lucky. I’ve had situations where my mom walked in right after I got head and she could kinda tell something went down. Maybe she smelled the head in the air or something. There was also this one time when I was about 15 when I was just laying in my bed, watching TV. My hand was down my pants cause, you know, I was chilling. But I certainly wasn’t jerking off. Anyway, my mom walked in and was like “Oh! sorry!” and quickly shut the door. I was mortified cause i had to go down and eat dinner like 45 minutes later and she totally thought she had seen me cracking the weasel. And, really, with the amount a 15 year old jerks off, even if I wasn’t doing it then, how could i even argue it?

I know you’ve talked a bit about getting into production and rap in college or something like that (excuse my terrible memory). How did you reach the idea of making instrumental songs and albums, and go through with music by cavelight? I guess by then it was a pretty common thing, but if there’s an interesting answer, I’d like to hear it.

I kinda fell into it. I was making beats for years and Aesop had just dropped “Float” on Mush records. They liked my beats and asked me to make a “breakbeat” album. I had no clue what that was so I just through like 10 tracks I was never gonna use for anything together and that became “Blockhead’s Broke Beats”.

A little after that, I made the song “Forest Crunk”, on Aesop’s Daylight EP.

That was the first instrumental song I ever made. Shortly after that, Mush asked me if I was interested in making a full length Instrumental album. I honestly had never listened to that kinda stuff (outside of a few listens of “Entroducing” in passing) so I didn’t even really understand what it meant. So, I just thought “Just makes beats that change a lot and work as songs without rappers”. So, I did that and made “Music by cavelight”. And the rest is history.

Do you give bum’s money? If so, what is the biggest factor to determine if you should spare them some change?

I used to all the time. But I’ve slowed down on that. I think living in NYC my whole life has kinda made me numb to them. Back in the day, you’d talk to them and get to know the local bums from your block but , nowadays, I just ignore them. Maybe if it’s someone with a physical defect, I’ll kick them over whatever change i have in my pocket. I especially ignore bums who stand outside of banks. Those motherfuckers are some shooting for stars ass dudes. Like, I just went to the bank and took out some $20’s and I’m just gonna give him change? They need to hang outside laundromats and wishing wells.

So, I live in a small town and everywhere I go they play country music. Loud. Line dancing and shit. Everyone’s all into it and I can’t stand that crap. I’d rather be the old dog that gets taken out back to be put to sleep than listen to todays country music. I’m pretty much afraid to broach the music topic when it comes to the folks at work, and I’m about to go on a 10 hour car ride with one of them. Mind you, I mostly listen to Hip Hop. Do you have any tricks for opening up to crappy music, or do you think it’s appropriate to launch into a tyraid and start blasting some Bazooka Tooth? Mutch obliged!

Perhaps you can start by playing the soundtrack to “Footloose!” and that will start a dialogue. You can be like “Man, in that movie, he lived in some shithole little town and they outlawed dancing! can you imagine? it’s funny cause, I kinda feel like Kevin Bacon sometimes in our town cause I like stuff like hip hip but everyrone likes line dancing…”
and just go from there. But, I’m afraid , if this person is driving and in charge of the music, it’s gonna be a george strait kinda day.
Whenever I’d go on long drives with my mom when i was younger, I’d try and slip in some rap into the car music rotation. The secret is finding the least abrasive stuff possible. Bazooka Tooth might be a bit much. I always went with De La Soul or A Tribe Called Quest. Mom’s can at least appreciate some early native tongues. Maybe rednecks are the same way?

did you expect danny brown to blow up like that? i remember you metioned once that white people love weird black artists do you think his recent success has somethig to do with that? (excuse me fo my bad english)

Oh, I think Danny’s success has more to do with him being awesome. Typical White people do like black artists who aren off center, in the sense that they tend to embrace them quickly and claim them as “genius”. But I don’t really file Danny in with artists like Kool Keith or ODB. He’s just a good rapper who’s willing to take chances. I think his success is a good example of the internet working well. When something is actually good, it gets around.

I just watched some of Lisa Lohan’s SNL performance and she wasnt great but- also, not that bad. Honestly, I am kind of rooting for her to not Whitney Houston. She has a few barriers: her new weird face, industry perception of her as trouble, and her addictions. Is there anyway that she will make a sustainable comeback?

She’s a wrap. Even if she gets clean for a few years it’s just not gonna happen. There’s a difference between people like her and Robert downey JR. Prior to his descent into drug hell, he was a respected actor. During his druggie years, he was still doing quality work. Lohan, on the other hand, was never that respected. She was a hot young actress with bright future but she stomped that shit out before it could even get to the point where the roles she was getting were at all important. At best, she can maybe be a supporting character actress but I doubt anyone is gonna take a chance with her for anything to important. She’s way more likely gonna end up in a porn movie than with an oscar. I also think she’s gonna die before any of that happens so, you know , whatever.

Song of the day 4/6/12


Song By Asaad
http://limelinx.com/files/b4a20a597bf80925009f89f8f25ddb36

Here’s a little look into how I digest music in 2012.

A couple days back, this album cover went viral. Pretty much, the best album cover ever made:

With no title or artist on the cover, I honestly didn’t even know if it was a rap album. With a little help from the internet, I found out it was the cover for an upcoming E.P. called “006” by a Philly rapper named Asaad. Looking at the cover, I assumed whoever made this is either the best, or the worst. I mean, anyone with the balls to make that an album cover is gonna be hilarious or a juggalo. So, I then went on youtube and saw this:

Hmm…interesting. First off, I loved that beat. It got me. The rapping didn’t have the same pull but it wasn’t bad either. The dude has a cool voice, his flow is not boring…but he also kinda just trails off towards the end as if this were some late night one take, freestyle kinda song. I’m not mad at that but, shit, you made a video for a song. Perhaps you wanna make a video for a song that you finished. Regardless, my interest was at least a little piqued which, in this day and age, is the equivalent to me being in the front row of a concert screaming my head off when I was 16. Let’s just say, in my old age, the spectrum in which I get excited about anything is limited. My appreciation for music ranges from “Oh, that’s cool…” to “Meh”.

So, after that, I found out he had a bunch of mix tapes. I downloaded a few of them and gave them the cursory listen. This is that thing when you’re listening to a rapper that you know isn’t great but has promise, so you scan through the beats that sound like you’ll like them, throw those songs on your ipod and dump the rest. Not the most efficient way of listening to new music but when you’ve got 40 songs by one artist in front of you, it’s not like you’re gonna just sit there for three hours focusing on every mix tape track. Who’s got that kinda time for music that hasn’t been established at worth your time? On the bright side, those songs that do make it into the Ipod do get very close listens and that’s really where I form my opinion of a new artist.

So, after all that, I now have an opinion on this artist. That opinion?
Asaad is pretty good. He’s certainly not a game changer but he makes some decent songs. He’s got a great ear for beats, so that helps. He kinda sounds like a more ignorant John Forte. That said, he’s no Rakim and could easily go down a path of watered down “swag talk”. He’s pretty young though so I’d imagine there’s a lot of room for him to grow. The fact he has biggie getting sodomized by Tupac on his album cover, to me, is a good thing. That shows that, perhaps, he will be more fearless in is future endeavors , as oppose to just following whatever’s hot. I guess time will tell. Anyway, the song above is one that I like a lot. Therefor, it is the song of the day, bro. And that how this all works!

F%ck/Marry/Kill Vol. 11

Welcome to a local favorite, Fuck/marry/kill. If you don’t know the game, I honestly don’t know how you got on the internet, let alone found this website. As always, I’m totally joking…I wouldn’t marry or kill any of these people. I would fuck them though…so, you know, there’s some trust to a few of these. Anyway, let’s go…

F/M/K: Anna Chapman/Avril Lavigne/Ali MacGraw

Marry: Ali Macgraw

I’m assuming we’re doing this “In their prime” and not currently cause…well…I’d rather not imagine Ali Macgraw currently. Anyway, I Choose her to marry her cause she was a great example of “normal girl hot”. Meaning she’s was a very pretty girl that I could see meeting in real life. Sounds shallow? Well, fuck you cause I don’t really know enough about her to draw an opinion about her beyond how hot she used to be. I mean, I knew she was an actress and was married to Robert evans at one point…but that’s it. So, I Wiki’d her and , it turns out, she had an abortion in her 20’s. That leads me to believe she’s a woman who will take action when necessary. I can appreciate that. DId I mention she was normal girl hot? Put a ring on it.

Kill: Avril Lavingne

Between her and a sexy , real life spy? She’d die either way: Via me or at the hands of the female James Bond.
Beyond that, fuck Avril Lavigne. She’s been annoying (though fuckably so) since her first song and I’m pretty sure the world wouldn’t miss her. She’s just a thin lipped, big gummed canadian girl with a chip on her shoulder about being a bad ass, even though she’s about the size of 7 year old. She’s also an obnoxious , fall down drunk with anger issues. No thanks. (But to reiterate, I’d totally hit it)

Fuck: Anna Chapman

wait, you’re telling me this woman is like the real life “Salt” (the movie, not the mineral)? She’s fairly attractive and she does spy shit? Sign me up for that vagina…short term. I say that cause, as exciting as it would be, I’m a pretty boring dude. I just want the sex. You can have the “Adventure” part where people crash through windows and shit while I cower under the bed like a total pussy.

F/M/K: Amy Winehouse (pre-death) ,Courtney Love, Britney Spears

Kill: Courtney love

Little known fact about me: I am repulsed on every level by Courtney Love. You know how some people can’t stand fish or Vegetables? I’m that way about Courtney love. She deeply offends me. Not only does she look like a walking waterlogged corpse that just got pulled out of a swamp but she just seems like a terrible person. I mean, she killed Kurt Cobain guys! Imagine how much that would anger me if I actually gave a shit about Nirvana?!?! No, but seriously, she’s the worst and this is the easiest choice ever…

Fuck: Britney Spears

She’s literally the only marginally fuckable one of the three choices. Sure, I could marry her, but then I’m fucking Winehouse. Vomit. Britney has seen better days but, compared to the other two, she’s a ripe plum in her prime. Although, it’s funny how, the older she gets, the more she looks like Melissa Joan heart.

Marry: Amy Winehouse

This is a bit of a sociopathic pick. I don’t want to fuck or marry Winehouse. And you can’t kill what’s already dead (even though for the sake of this game, she’s still alive). But, I figure, a pre-death Winehouse was a total mess. Meaning, she was high as fuck all the time and just kinda doing her. With that in mind, our “Marriage” would consists of me saying “Whattup!” every time I got home to her ass passed out on the couch. I feel like it would be a marriage of freedom. And hell, if she ever got her shit together, I’d love to make music with her.

F/M/K: Kate Winslet, Cate Blanchett, Katie Holmes

Marry: Kate Winslet

Some dudes go nuts for her. I personally think she’s very attractive but she’s never been my type (I say that in the most finicky way possible).
That said, she is a really good actress and seems to be fairly sane. Those two things rarely co-exist. So, in comparison to the others, I’d marry her. I could certainly do a lot worse…

Fuck: Katie Holmes

I find her head and shoulders hotter than the other options. Even in her current glazed over cult mom style, she’s still a very pretty woman. But, beyond that, I’d like to fuck her cause there’s something exciting about the concept of fucking someone out of a bad situation. I don’t know what her contract with Tom Cruise is but it seems like she’s under his spell. The chance to break that spell and, in a roundabout way, release her back into society is both exciting and honorable. Yes, this would be a fuck of honor.

Kill: Kate Blanchett

Blanchett is a polarizing figure amongst men. I know dude who think she’s incredibly hot. However, I’m not one of those dudes. To me, she looks kinda like a pale sea creature who works in a library. Much like Winslet, she can act her ass off, but that’s neither her nor there when discussing the prospect of sex, marriage and murder. I know nothing about her personal life but I know her face makes my dick invert. That’s all i really need to know, isn’t it?

F/M/K Game of thrones addition: daenerys targaryen, catelyn stark, lysa tully

Fuck: Daenerys Targaryen

Oh man…would I ever fuck her. BIG FAN of this bleached blonde dragon bitch. While I’d honestly both fuck and marry her, that’s not an option. She’s super loyal, knows how to please her man and is part dragon. However, she’s also kinda got crazy eyes. To me, that means: great sex and lots of drama. I’d honestly marry her little whore henchwoman too. it’s unfortunate she wasn’t included in this poll.

Marry: Catelyn Stark

I feel like it’s the right thing to do. She’s a new widow. Life is kicking her ass. Maybe all she needs is a good man who will listen, nod and tell her everything is gonna be okay. While I’m really bad at that, I’m sure I could do it for long enough until we’re all killed by dragons or whatever. (I haven’t read the books so ,please, don’t spoil anything for me)

Kill: Lysa Tully

I had to look this one up. She’s the younger sister of Catelyn Stark who breastfeeds her 9 year old son She’s a fucking creep and the world (or whatever it is they live on) would be a better place without her. I mean, come onnnn…she lets the son from “Get him to the greek” feed on her tits! It’s like watching an erotic harry potter fetish film. DEAD.

F/M/K: Major League Baseball ,NFL ,NBA

Marry: NBA

Easiest choice ever. It’s by far my favorite sport. The only one I play regularly. The only one I watch religiously. I would marry the shit out of Basketball. I would kill college basketball though…go figure.

Fuck: MLB

This is actually kinda perfect. I like baseball a lot. I grew up playing it. But I don’t love it. I can watch Yankees and mets games. They’re great during the day when I’m hungover cause you can watch them while doing other things. But , If I missed a game, it’s no big deal. That’s kinda how I used to feel about sex with random girls. It was fun but nothing too serious.
Baseball can be boring, so marrying it would be a bad choice. But checking it with it every now and then just to make sure it’s still there? Perfect.

Kill: NFL

Sue me. I don’t like football. I mean, i can sit through it if I have to. I can even get into it at times, if the game is good. But I have no connection to football. I didn’t play it growing up. My dad watched it but I never understood what was going on. It’s a game full of tiny rules that are constantly being enforced. Sure, the rules are necessary but, to outside eyes, it’s just kinda slow and sloppy. I realize baseball is way more boring but , if you know how to play and what to look for, it’s pretty insane. So, sorry America. I realize football is your #1 sport but I’m killing that shit. If for nothing more than never having to see another halftime show.