Ask Dr. Tony Vol. 15

Good day everyone. Have a seat on my couch. Tell me of your romantic failings. This is a safe place.
As always, I’m not a licensed anything, so take every word I say with a grain of salt. That said, I’m usually sort of right. If you’ve got more questions or need advice, send them to me at I will make it all better.

My ex and I broke up about 7 months ago and have had zero contact since then until just recently. I often questioned her morality and sensed that she was and always had been a lying cunt.
She had some serious daddy issues, as in, never had one, and for the last 5 or so years of her life went literally right from one relationship to the next. This happened with the guy before me, and even though she claimed not to be seeing anyone upon us breaking up, came to find out that she intact did have a boyfriend shortly after. Cunt.
Like I said, no contact for 7 months and out of the blue recently, she texts me saying, “I know you hate me, but I hope you are doing well.”
My first though was, bitch, followed by if she REALLY hoped I was doing well, why not sooner when I was still torn up about this shit?
She’s not the nice kind of girl unless its toward something that will fully benefit her, the true definition of a cunt. Yet, I still think about her often, all cuntyness aside, and a part of me wishes I was still with her.
It’s hard to recognize the shitty aspects of a person when things are good, but when they’re bad, every little cunty aspect of her personality was brought to my attention. It was a constant struggle between absolutely despising this bitch but also loving her more than anything. Now I sound like the nutjob.
I guess my question is, why would she text me if she knew that I hated her, which I do and as far as I know, has/had a boyfriend. I did respond and opted to fully be an asshole basically telling her to leave me the fuck alone.
Should I have taken a different route since I still obviously care about her for some sick fucking reason?
Thanks Dr. Tony

Wow. So, uh, she’s a cunt, huh?

Dude, you sound beyond butthurt over this girl. I know breaking up can be brutal and some of these wounds take time to heal but it’s been 7 months and you obviously knew the girl was not the one for you. You should probably be thanking your lucky stars it’s over cause , had you stayed with her, I’m pretty sure she’s be walking all over you right now.

As for the question, it could be a few reasons.
1)She could be feeling guilty and just wants every thing to be “okay” between you two. I certainly can relate to the idea of wanting all my former relationships to be civil. Perhaps she was opening the door for a greater apology? I really don’t know how/why your relationship initially ended, but gauging from your vitriol towards her, I’ll just assume she tied you down and fucked your entire family in front of you while your pet cat was cooking in a microwave.

2)She could be on the outs with her new man and, as you said, she always has a boyfriend. Perhaps she hasn’t had time to set up her next relationship so she’s going with what she knows. You were the last guy before her current man and she figures, at worst, she can buy some time with you and no be alone when the inevitable break up happens. If this is the case, you could either ignore her (WHICH YOU SHOULD) or milk her vindictively for sex for as long as she lets you, until she finds her new man and breaks your heart again. I dunno why, but I get a feeling a big part of why you like her so much is cause you and her have/had great sexual chemistry or something. That’s the type of thing that will keep a dude in a shitty relationship with a person he knows is wrong for him. I could definitely be wrong, but it’s a hunch.

3)She could earnestly be asking how you are out of real human compassion. EH…it’s possible, right?

Whatever the case, I think your answer was the best idea. Sounds like she’s a toxic force in your life who still has some grip on your emotions. It’s best to just shut the door on that one and keep it moving.

So, Dr.Tony, since you seem like a knowledgeable man, and since I met you the other night, I thought that maybe you could help me out.
Earlier in the school year, I have to admit I was kind of a weirdo. I wasn’t like a creep or anything, I just had a problem fitting in. The big problem was I tried to be…different.
Well since then I’ve normal’d up, and I’ve got some good friends. The only real problem is that it left a lasting impression on the women.
Now note, I’m not going for the dumb ho’s, I’m more into the cute ones, but, I kinda want to be able to rest assured that nobody has any real problems with me anymore. Any advice?

I think this is the type of thing that takes time. You can’t just switch up your style one day and expect people to accept that. Trying to be different is part of growing up and finding your niche but when people do so in an over the top fashion, it screams of huge insecurity issues and makes them look like a poser. You’re still really young though and this will all change. Ideally, you should stop trying to impress (or whatever) the people who are gonna think of you as that same weirdo and just move on to different social circles. Get a fresh start. Just be sure to not try too hard to be “Something” cause all this could just end up repeating itself. A cliche as it sounds, be yourself. If you haven’t figured out what that is yet, just don’t force in on yourself. Have some patience.

yo doc
so I got class with this one chick. its a small group communication class and were in the same group. shes sorta cute but nothing to write home about. she was dating some dude for four years, but they broke up. shes a big fan of dessa from doomtree. she wasnt real flirty in class, but we talked a lot, particularly about music. she had tickets to see dessa on 420 for her and her bf, but since hes past tense she asked me to go with her, but wanted me to drive. so I go to pick her up, and shes already got a new bf. some cat ive seen her with around school. shit was weak, but she was mad flirty at the concert. shes also been progressively more flirty in class. is she a slut? I mean, it took her like a week to get over that 4 year relationship. did i get played for a ride to the show? would you guess im friend zoned or is she trying to hit it?

Here are the facts: you’re in college, which means you’re young. She just got out of a four year relationship at that same young age, which means she’s probably never been really single as an adult. She quickly got into a new relationship.
From where I stand, I read it as she’s doing the rebound thing with whoever the new bf is. After 4 years of commitment and , in that time, becoming an adult, she might be realizing the freedom she has. It’s all contextual but I get a feeling she’s figuring out that , if she’s single, she can do whatever she wants and she might be ready to have some fun. Was she flirting with you? Probably. Are you friend zoned? I doubt it. The way I see it, you will probably have a chance to get with her down the line. If you even want to (which I’m not quite clear that you do). All that said, she’s not a slut. She’s a girl who’s been sleeping with the same dude for 4 years who’s probably coming to terms with the idea that she can have as much or as little sex as she wants with as many or few partners as she likes. It’s an awakening of sorts.
You know how people always speak of their crazy years in college? This is the beginning of that. So, you can be a part of it or not. Ride or die, bro.

When I’m going up the stairs after getting off the subway, I tend to be in a mass of people like anyone else. Sometimes the woman in front of me well, smells kinda good. I dunno. It’s not like I’m sniffing for a nice smelling female or anything, but we tend to be just mashed together on the stairs and one can notice smells like that. So, the thing is, if she smells good, well sometimes I kind of inhale again through my nose, a little stronger this time. KEEP IN MIND: I’m not being creepy or weird, or stuffing my face in the back of her blouse. Honestly, I’m 100% sure no one notices me doing this, I don’t change body language, or anything like that. I just kinda “go for seconds” without adjusting my movement in any way. I’ve explained this scenario to some people who say this is on some serial killer weirdness-type shit. I venture that the act is a passive one, hurts no one, although I agree that it IS kinda weird. I’ve never gone for thirds really, if you’re wondering. And it’s not like this is jerkoff material. It’s just a random, private small thing that I noticed that I do sometimes. Is this fucking completely batshit insane and weird? Should I make a point to NOT smell the person directly in front of me? Is this some kind of bizarre intrusion, even though no one else can really notice it? Just weigh in if you don’t mind.

As a person who’s taken the train his entire life, I think you may be walking a little close to people in general. It’s a subway station. It stinks. You’d have to be WAY too close to a person to be able to admire the scent. I’d understand if you did this in a packed subway car, but on the stairs? You’re literally an ass sniffer.
Now, is this weird? Yeah. Is harmful? Not really. It’s funny cause I’m just imagining a dude closing his eyes and inhaling on a girls neck with a creepy satisfied look in his eyes. Like a commercial for fabreeze or something.

Just know, ten years down the line when you’re sewing together the skin of the 7 women you killed, this was the starting point. If nothing else, I know you will preserve their scent.

Ive got a Dr Tony one for ya,
MY boy was dating this fine but crAAAzy 19 year old a while ago, long story short he fell completely in love with her and she just didnt give a shit. One halloween when we were all hanging out he ended up passing out, i was macking it to his gf’s friend who she brought along in his living room. Anyway she ended up coming out mid bang and joined in, SCORE! we were all rolling and I feel bad about it but but really how could I say no. we never talk about it and she ends up hookin up with another of his friends later on (a few weeks) then they break up. Fast forward a year or so and shes trying to get back with him, hes talking to me about how he loves her and he knows she only cheated on her once and asking my advice. Should I tell him that no shes a filthy slut and we had a threesome while they were dating, MY gut tells me no! God No! But he should def not date her again, and he wont listen to my advice otherwise ( ive tried telling him to just leave her be, shes craazy) what would u do?

Hmmm…that’s tough. I mean, you’re kinda damned if you do, damned if you don’t. You could tell him, and he’d probably diss her but he’d also probably be furious at you too. I mean, he knows she’s cheated on him once already so it would appear his mind is made up. Sometimes, you gotta just let a dude flounder in this situation. It’s not like they’re gonna get back together and it’s gonna work. The foundation of their relationship is already tarnished so it’s only a matter of time before it falls apart again. So, I guess I’m saying, take the cowards route and just keep your mouth shut. Hell, he might find out anyway. Explain yourself then. The bottom line is there is apparently nothing you can say to this dude to sway him away from this girl. Let him learn the hard way.

New video by Illogic and me! “Caffeine Budget”.

Coming June 5th! The “Preparing for capture” ep by Illogic and myself. Above is the second video from it.
The Ep will be free but we’re selling a deluxe version with 2 bonus tracks and a poster, you can pre-order it right now
For more, here are some words from Illogic:

It’s been a long time coming….Blockhead and I have been working on music for the past 2 years trying to discover what our sound is going to be. We have worked hard to really try to find our own identity as a duo and not to try recreate what I’ve done with other producers and what he has done with other artists. We have pumped out a ton of quality music and have been talking about when the right time was to share some of our hard work with you the people that we do it for in the first place. We the time has come. For me personally this release is probably the most rewarding of my career because of all of the work that I have put into this project. Not only the writing of the songs, but the completing of the project from conception to completion makes proud that I could share this experience with Blockhead and now with you This is the first of a series all leading to our album “Capture the Sun” so keep a look out for part two coming really soon. I hope that you enjoy listening to this as much as we did creating it. Thank you for your continued support.

Demo reviews Volume 1

Okay, So last week I told people to send me their music so I could review it. This is after years of getting unwanted demo’s sent to me that I made a point of never listening to. Within 2 hours I had over 60 submissions. Depending how you look at it, this is either a great or terrible thing. But, hey, this blog always needs content so why not sacrifice some of my sanity for the betterment of this site. The rules were simple. Send one song, with your name and song title on it, in an email titled “Demo Review”. You’d be amazed how many people failed at this but it’s the internet and some people are beyond stupid, so it’s to be expected. To those people, I’m afraid you didn’t make the cut (but honestly, you might be the lucky ones). I’d also like to add that I found it funny that so many people were thanking me for the opportunity. I understand you guys want insights on your music ( Insights that I may or may not give in these little reviews) but just know that the best possible thing that will come out of this for you (as artists) is a few thousand people hear your music and I don’t tell you it sucks. I’m not going to go out of my way to hate on things. I’m a fair person. But I’m also not trying to stroke your ego’s.
I’d also like to add a “No hard feelings” clause to this. If I hear your music and am dismissive of it, know it’s not personal. I don’t know you. This is just my opinion. And really, who am I? I’m just some fucking guy who makes music that involves no musical training. So, seriously, don’t take what I say to deeply to heart. Okay…so, now that that’s covered…let’s get into the first batch of demos.
I’ll do a brief write up of each song then rank them by three categories.
Originality: Obviously rating how much this differs from other music out there in a positive way. I’ll be shocked if anyone gets above a 5 out of 10 as this is a pretty tough category.
Listenability: Rating how hard/easy it was to sit through. This could go a few ways as I often find humor in music that’s extra bad so, it’s not always a compliment.
Production technique: Rating how well crafted the song was. Was it “professional”. How was it recorded and mixed.

Oh, and I’m not accepting any more submissions currently. If this goes well, I may reopen to the gates but for now I’ve got enough to last me a long time.

Artist: Gee Wiz
Song: Lady

That sounds to me like a beat someone should be rapping on. It’s pretty repetitive (and not in a “everything in hip hop is repetitive” kinda way). I’ve never been a fan of beats that are too stabby and that one was just that. It wasn’t that bad though. Definitely a fan of Dilla. But, I think at this point, it’s safe to say we’ve all heard this kinda thing before.

Originality: 3 out of 10
Listenability: 4 out of 10
production technique: 5 out of ten

Artist Name: Bobby Phisher
Song: Bottom Out

Is this like ghoul rap? I can’t front, I was kinda laughing when the rapping started. Not that dude was off beat or anything but that voice is fucking ridiculous. It was like “I have a cold, but I’m also stalking you in the dark with a pick axe (lyrically)”. Who is this kinda song for? People who think juggalo’s are dipshits but still kinda wanna live that lifestyle?
The production is kinda interesting, if not really my flavor, but interesting nonetheless.

Originality: 4 out of 10
Listenability: 4 out of 10
Production technique: 6 out of 10

Artist: Suplington
Song: Invisible Imagination

That was pretty boring. I like the little vocal sample that popped in every now and then but, if you’re going to make a five minute song , you should probably mix it up a bit. After a while, that repetitive note becomes tiresome. Definitely sounds like something I’d hear in a sushi restaurant (which isn’t saying much as my music gets played in those places all the time). I wasn’t crazy about the drums but, overall, this was very inoffensive background music.

Originality: 3.5 out of 10
Listenability:5 out of 10
Production technique: 5.5 out of ten

Artist:Atari Blitzkrieg
Song:Think Twice (Krohme’s Sld Rnnr RMX) feat. Rapper Pooh, Motion Man and Breez Evahflowin’

I gotta say, I kinda liked that. The beat was dope. The subtle changes during the verses worked really well. Motion Man pretty much ran away with that one. His verse was very good. The other two dudes weren’t terrible but also got a little shakey at times and couldn’t really match the intensity of the track. Was Breeze just on the hook? Shoulda given him a verse, yo. This was decent, typical, underground rap with a great verse by Motion Man.

Originality: 4.5 out of 10
Listenability: 7 out of 10
Production Technique: 6.5 out of 10

Artist: BDeep
Song: Ginger Deuce

This is obviously a jokey song. That said, I’ve made jokey songs…and this shit just wasn’t very funny. Really? A whole song about a ginger shit? I appreciate the lack of seriousness but I’m pretty sure this is the type of thing that you guys play for your friends and they feign laughter while waiting for it to end. The little Rihanna part toward the end got a smile out of me though.

Originality: 5 out 10
Listenability: 2 out of 10
Production technique: 2 out of 10


Hmm…The rapper is technically okay but has the curse of “white voice”. I feel your pain brother, I did too when I rapped.
Beatwise, it’s synthetically Jazzy and sounds pretty amateur. And the piano layer that comes in over the hook is a little out of tune (which is probably my biggest peeve when it comes to beats). This sounds to me like someone who’s just starting out on production working with a rapper who’s been rapping for a while. That said, this is definitely one of those “don’t quit your day job” kinda rappers. Not bad just nothing at all that separates him from every other white kids who grew up loving def jux and rhymesayers.

Originality: 4 out of 10
Listenability: 4.5 out of 10
Production technique:3 out of 10

Name: First L
Song Name: Life

This is definitely the case of a dude who smoked a ton of weed , made a beat high and then called it a day. As we all know, music sounds better when you’re high. I bet this didn’t feel like an extremely repetitive yet meandering song (how is that even possible?) when it was being made, but I’m afraid that was the result. That said, shit like this is made for the purpose of playing in the background while people are high as fuck. So, in a way, it succeeded.

Originality: 3 out of 10
Listenability: 3.5 out of 10
Production technique: 4 out of 10

Artist name: The Mad Baron & Mr. Jaws
Song name: The Lush

Definitely some funny/decent lines in this one. The rapper isn’t trying too hard, which is nice. Again, the curse of “White voice” is definitely in effect here though.
The beat I was not feeling. Maybe it’s a style issue but it just sounded like a mess to me. From the drums to the synth sounds. I can’t really tell if it’s supposed to sound like that cause that’s what the producer was going for of if it sounds like that cause it’s amateur. It basically sounded like a bad Tyler the Creator beat.

Originality: 5 out of 10
Listenability: 4.5 out of 10
Production technique: 3.5 out of 10

Artist: A-Merk
Song: undergorund

This person wrote me this message with the song:
“Hey, I think this is a really cool idea! I legit JUST started rapping and making music about a month ago. This is one song off of an album I made and plan to put out on the web… I’d be interested to hear what you think. (beat/writing is original)”

So, yeah…Obviously, this is EXTREMELY newbie shit. Admittedly so. I will say this, it is far to early for an artist like this to be putting your music out into the ether. It is not ready. He is not ready. Keep working at it and see what happens but putting out stuff like this not gonna help anyone in the long run..He needs to plug away and refine his skills. It not only sounds like he’s never rapped before, but like he’s never really listened to much rap to begin with. Making music is a process of working from the ground up. Just cause you have recording equipment, a beat and a rhyme doesn’t mean it’s ready for prime time. I’m not saying this to be mean..but really I’m saying it to all bedroom producers out there starting out. You should be a AT LEAST a year deep before you let anyone outside you immediate circle hear your music. Trust me.

Originality: 3 out of 10
Listenability: 2 out of 10
Production technique: 3 out of 10

Here’s where you let me know which one you thought was the best:

Answers for questions vol. 87

Hey, it’s a holiday or something today , right? So, happy whatever day it is to you and yours. I hope you’re out lighting a candle or having a BBQ or whatever is significant today. I sure as hell am gonna get some serious laundry done and maybe go bowling later. HOLIDAY!

Anyway, send me more questions! Leave them in the comments below or email them to me at As always, BE CREATIVE. The better your questions, the better my answers and we all win that way.

What do you think of saying, “bless you” after someone sneezes? I consider it a common courtesy (like in German, and Spanish, “salut”), not actually intending any religious blessings. Most of the time I slur it like, “blush you” to make myself feel better (not being the religious type). Considering they’re spewing their potentially pathogenic mucous particles everywhere, it would seem more fitting to say, “Watch the fuck out where you aim that shit!” Thoughts?

I too am a non-religious person who says “BLess you”. I’ll also throw “Gesundheit” in there at times. I honestly have no clue why I still do it aside from just seeing it as being polite.
It’s funny cause I’ve been in situations where a person of certain faith will sneeze in front of me and I sort of panic as to which thing I’m supposed to say. Like I obviously don’t say “gesundheit” to a muslim, right? or A jew? “Bless you” seems to be the most flexible but I don’t know enough about the ins and outs of what offends certain religious folk to know what’s proper. I’ve been thinking of replacing them all with a simple , yet effective “Hi-yooooooo!”.

I noticed that you recently played a show with Conspirator and I was just curious to hear your opinion on trancefusion and/or jam rock and if you do anything different in your live set when playing with bands that improvise?

It’s funny cause, from touring, I’ve been thrust into this world of Burning man type shit that I was never exposed to. I honestly don’t know if I “get” it. As I’ve said before, I don’t really listen to that kind of music (or instrumental hip hop) in my own time. To me, it’s very inoffensive music that’s generally pretty boring. That’s about it. I don’t know why that music appeals to the people it does but, whatever it does, it makes hula hoops, glow sticks and face paint appear. To me, that’s the funniest/weirdest thing about the entire scene.
As for my set when performing with these types of musicians, I don’t change. For better or for worse, my set still is my music mixed with all sorts of other shit with heavy hip hop overtones.

You seem to know a lot about movies. Does Jenny give Forrest and Forrest Jr. her AIDS in Forrest Gump? It never clarifies.
I assume they all died of full blown aids while the credits were running. Little known fact: Forrest Gump was a big fan of anal and never wore condoms cause “They make my thing feel tired”.

What is your opinion of “ducks”? And Who do you look up to for musical Influence? I like Madlib. BTW, I see what you did there on Panic in Funkytown (btw, good job on the new ablum. Not as zomg!!! as Music Scene, but I’m likeing it better with each listen, I listening to it doing homework). But this time I was wiser. Do you consciously seek out samples that resemble old-school hiphop songs, or does the Void handle that and you just go with it?

First off, thanks for the awesome backhanded compliment. Glad you kinda sorta like the new alum enough to tell me.
I have no idea who/what “ducks” are. Unless you mean the animal (which I know you don’t) , in which case, they’re delicious.
I don’t really look at anyone one in particular for musical influence. At this point in my career and life, especially, I’m pretty internal with everything I do. I just make music how I make it. I don’t really try and emulate other groups or styles that I hear. I’ve found doing that tends to date your music and , inevitably, when that style passes, it leaves you behind with it. Unless you’re a shapeshifting whore like madonna, in which case it allows you to stay relevant for 3 decades.
As for samples, I don’t seek anything in particular out at first. When I start a beat, I’m looking for a good foundation to build off of. Once I have that, then I can zero in on particular sounds like “Oh, a guitar would be good for right here”.

What do you think of the whole “Cute” vs. “Hot” debate? Isn’t it just semantics?

God, I wish all the questions were like this. Readers! Take note! this is a great question.
Anyway…I’ve given this topic tons of thought, as i am a man with a penis who like pretty girls.
To me: Cute>>>hot
Here’s why. Cute ages better. Cute is approachable. Cute has nuances to it that hot just doesn’t. Do i wanna fuck hot girls? Of course. But, for some reason, it’s just not as realistic as bagging a nice cute girl. Maybe it’s some personal thing that still lingers from high school, but hot girls are unattainable. Like a Megan Fox type. She is so blazingly hot to me, it’s like she’s not even human. Where as, you take a girl like Michelle williams, who’s no where near as hot as fox, but I’d probably be drawn to her more. Perhaps it’s cause , in my head, I know a Megan Fox type isn’t fucking with me or it’s just I see the cute type just having more depth to it. Who knows?
However, there is a factor here that cannot be overlooked. Sexiness. Both cute and hot girls can have it and it makes all the difference. Hell, I know pretty mediocre girls who are so sexy I’d take them over far hotter girls. It’s a feeling. If you strip sexiness down , it’s really just “Fuckability”. How badly do you want to have sex with this person, regardless of how hot or cute they are. A random example of this is the host of the show “Food wars”.

She’s a very pretty girl. I’ve certainly seen better. BUT, she’s sexy as fuck. In fact, she’s got what I like to call “whore eyes”. “Whore eyes” are a subtle , inviting, flirty gaze that some women just naturally have. They in no way means the girl is a whore at all, but there’s something about the looks they give that cuts to the soul of most men. Personally, I think it’s when a girl emits a certain warmth and comfort towards a dude and he just reads it as her flirting. Whatever it is, “Whore eyes” wine every time. Except all those times when guys misread those whore eyes and get friend zoned for life. But that’s neither here nor there.

Aesop working with Kimya Dawson: Is this some Yoko Ono and John Lennon high potential for disaster or does it have a chance? Are we going to see a whole new genre of rap and folk, like The GZA working with Jewel; that album would have to be called drooling jizz. Sick.

Oh, it’s definitely got a chance. The songs I’ve heard have been dope and Aesop kicks some pretty undeniable shit on there. Sure, some people are going to be put off by the lack of drums and boom bap but it is what it is. It’s definitely nothing any two artists like that have ever really done before. That said, I’d be surprised if it spawned a whole new genre. I mean, them as a group was born out of a friendship first so it grew naturally. I could see seriously disastrous music if people where to just try to attempt it out of thin air by forcing it.

Yo Block, if someone were to plant a 25 ft. magical rubber tree that gave you the most amazing orgasms when you slid down it, would you do so under the conditions that it would be in public and you have to lube your entire body? Oh, and you wouldn’t get hurt when you landed or thrown into jail for indecent exposure.

So, I’d be lubed up and naked , having intense orgasms from sliding down a rubber tree IN PUBLIC? Um…nah, it’s cool. As much as I like busting a good nut, I’m pretty sure no one needs to see that. I mean, hey, you put that tree in a private area, where I’m alone, I might give it a whirl, but, really, I don’t need to bust a nut that bad ever.

What are your top three comedy podcast and are there any out their that are under the radar and you could turn us on to? Always looking for some new ones.
I honestly don’t dig that deep for my podcasts. I listen to WTF, Mohr Stories, Comedy bang bang, doug loves movies and a little bit of the Joe Rogan experience. Have you peeped “Gelmainia” on ear wolf? It’s interesting for sure.

Song of the day 5/25/12

Grumpy Crocodile By The LikNuts
I can’t front, I’m pretty hard on when older rappers try and stay relevant. This is mostly due to the poor track record many of my rapping hero’s have had in trying to keep their careers afloat. However, sometimes I’m given a pleasant surprise. A while back in was in the form of a Diamond D song and most recently, it’s reuniting of two of my favorite group from my youth (well, my 20’s). The LikNuts (best name ever? it’s up there) are what happen when you mike the Beatnuts and the Alkaholiks. This song is silly, fun and just all around a good listen. Hearing them all rap back and forth really bought me back to the days when I’d buy a new album and listen to it front to back, hanging on every word. If they’re making a whole album of shit like this, sign me up.

The demo review: Now accepting submissions.


Earlier this week I had an idea that could benefit both of us. That idea was to review peoples demo’s. The response was enough that I figured we could give the idea a whirl. Now, this is the type of thing that could come back to bite me in the ass cause , even without asking, I always have people sending me links to their shit regardless. The fact I’m now asking for it scares the shit out of me but , hey, I do it for the love of Phat Friend. I need content and you need validation. It’s funny how that works.

So, here’s the deal…If you’re a musician, rapper, producer, ect…Send me your music.I will review it. But before you do that, please read this whole thing as there are rules and guidelines I need you to follow. Now, keep in mind, the review might be one sentence or it might be 3 paragraphs. It really depends. I’m expecting the majority of the reviews to be “Meh” but that’s more about me than you. Now ,before you start flooding my inbox with music, I want to stress some things,

1)Send me one song. in case you glossed over that, let me repeat…SEND ME ONE SONG AND ONE SONG ONLY. You can do it via bandcamp, soundcloud, a spare mp3 or upload site. I don’t care what form it is , as long as I can share the link in the review and it is one, solitary song. I’m not here to sit around and listen to your entire concept album on how water is like blood in the veins of the earth. Send me what you consider to be your best song that most exemplifies what you’re about musically. If you do not abide by this rule, I will not only not review your music, I won’t even listen to it.

2)My reviews will be honest. And, honestly, I don’t like lots of music. Meaning, I’m very likely not going to like that you send me. I know this sounds pessimistic but in the 15 or so years I’ve been doing this, I’ve almost never gotten a demo that was legit “good”, let alone great. So, keep this in mind and know that you’ve been warned. All butthurt people will be ignored. All that said, I will be fair about things. i’m not doing this to rip apart your dreams…I’m doing it give constructive criticism. I don’t know you. I’m not your buddy who you get high with. If anyone’s gonna tell you the truth, it’s me. But know this, my expectations are extremely low.

3)Genre-wise, know that , first a foremost I enjoy rap. So, if you’re sending me dub-step, I’m pretty sure I’ll hate it. If you’re sending me some instrumental hip hop types shit, while i’ll be able to tell you why I think it’s either good or bad, don’t expect a rave review either cause, to be honest, I don’t really listen to that kinda thing. The ceiling of my enjoyment is low. Rock music? Sure. Again, I can’t say I’ll have much to say about it but if you”re dying to know what a guy who isn’t into the genre of music you make thinks of your music, who am I to stop you?

4)Just some basic guidelines: When sending music, send it to my email (, title your email “Demo review”. That way it won’t get mixed in with the unsolicited demo’s I get all the time. If your demo is put in the comments below this post or doesn’t have that header in the email, I will ignore it. Be sure to tell me your name as an artist and the name of the song. If you wanna throw in a couple of sentences about your music , feel free but it’s not that important. Honestly, if you write me some earnest shit about your “Art” and I end up thinking it sucks, don’t be surprised if I use what you wrote against you in the review. So, you know, be cool.

I’m sure, if this goes well, I will add more rules but, for now, that’s all you need to know.
So, yes…send me your music. I’m asking for it and look forward to hearing it. Who knows, maybe I’ll discover the next huge underground talent the internet has to offer. I’d bet my life that I won’t but, hey, you never know…good luck!

Peep this remix I did! Freshkills edition.

Hi everyone. I recently did a remix for my boys Freshkills. They’re a brooklyn based band and a bunch of great dudes.It’s not often I do remixes for rock bands but I think this one came out really well. I hope you enjoy it.
It’s on the front page of but I figured I just give you a direct link here

If you like it, download it here:

The only thing that really offends me

If you read this blog often, you might assume I have a short fuse of sorts. Not in a violent way, but I certainly spend a lot of time on here complaining about things that annoy me. Truth be told, I actually don’t really give a fuck about much. I think its fun to rant about the minutia of life but, in my every day existence, I’m pretty even-tempered. “. That said, there is one thing I actually do get offended by…It’s not you calling my mom a whore (cause I know she isn’t). It’s not you telling my music sucks (cause who cares what you think?). It’s when people who move to NYC slander Manhattan.

Here’s what happened.
I was at a show this week. So, I’m just chilling, standing in the crowd at a rap show in Manhattan. I look down and see this:

In case you can’t make it out…that’s a handbag with the words “Fuck Manhattan” written on it.
Now, just looking at the bag, I can 100% correctly assume it was made in Brooklyn. I haven’t fact checked that but I’d probably bet my unborn child’s life on it. I’d also venture to guess it’s made of biodegradable hemp and was sewn by a girl with thick rimmed glasses and huckleberry finn jeans. The girl toting it around looked as if she had just stepped off the horse-drawn buggy from wherever the fuck she’s from and moved to Brooklyn last month. If you look closely, you might notice she’s wearing shoes with the british flag on them. I don’t know why but , when added to the fact she was sporting that bag , I was about ready to kill someone. I’d like to repeat, she wore this bag TO A SHOW IN MANHATTAN. I must admit, she’s got balls…and she’s a fucking idiot.

I think what gets me about this is the gall of this particular person to have this bag. I’d be fine if it was some life long Brooklyn/queens person toting it around. But the thing is, no life long Brooklyn Queens person would ever own that fucking thing in the first place. It’s just not that kind of party between boroughs. At it’s worst, it’s like sibling rivalry. Do I think Manhattan is the best? Of course…but it’s cause I’m from here. I’d expect the same for anyone from whatever borough they’re from. Even someone from that shit hole Staten Island is justified in telling me how S.I. is superior cause that’s where they’re from (not to be confused with “where they live”). As much as I might have no interest in going to Queens or the Bronx, I certainly harbor no ill will towards them. And Brooklyn…Brooklyn is great. If I didn’t live in downtown Manhattan, I’d wanna live in a few parts of BK. The biggest strike on Brooklyn is that it’s become a nesting ground for out-of-town dickheads who buy “Fuck Manhattan” bags.

I think these people don’t realize that Manhattan was once cool like Brooklyn is cool now. One of the reasons it got uncool was cause it got too expensive for 24-year-old college post grads to afford. Because of this, they all moved to Brooklyn where they gentrified neighborhoods and pretty much turned parts of Williamsburg into Amherst , Massachusetts. That fine and dandy but I’m pretty sure if you offered any of these people an apartment in a cool location somewhere in downtown Manhattan for the same size and price of the place they’re living right now, a decent amount would jump at the offer. Why? Cause, as cool as brooklyn is, it’s still not Manhattan. Most people work here. Most people commute here a few times a week for some reason or another. As shitty as some parts of Manhattan are (and there are plenty of lame areas), it’s still where things happen. It’s expensive for a reason. Because pretty much EVERYONE wants to live here. Now, I’m sure some of you are reading this a rolling your eyes. I actually know a bunch of people who live in BK and never leave it. I get it though…it’s fun. It’s a real community. There are tons of bars. Great food. Tons of attractive people who are looking to have sex with one another. But a Brooklyn Transplant (who’s definitely never actually lived in Manhattan) hating on manhattan enough to purchase a handbag that voices that sentiment is kinda like when NElly Dissed KRS-one. Sure, Nelly was way more popping at that time but Krs-1 was a Legend so watch your fucking tone when you speak to your elders. Manhattan was once like brooklyn is now. The same way that Queens will be where everyone moves in like ten years once brooklyn is overrun by Duane reade’s and chase banks like Manhattan already has been.
Let it be known, this is not aimed at natives of BK. Not at all. This is 100% about the transplants. People who moved to NYC to live in NYC, but ended up in brooklyn. And not all the transplants…the righteous ones who think that , just cause they’ve lived in Brooklyn for a year or two, they have any right to speak on anything Manhattan related beyond complaining about train service. You’re basing it off some made up shit that you’ve heard from other people. Sure, parts of Manhattan are terrible. I’d rather be in a snow forest in Siberia than midtown Manhattan on a saturday. But, please, shut the fuck up. I mean that in a general sense but .Specifically, to the girl with the “fuck Manhattan” bag. You. Yeah you. Go fuck yourself and your stupid bag. If you hate Manhattan so much, do us both a favor and never come back. It’s for the best. Good luck with that cause you need us way more than we’ll ever need you.