If you read this blog often, you might assume I have a short fuse of sorts. Not in a violent way, but I certainly spend a lot of time on here complaining about things that annoy me. Truth be told, I actually don’t really give a fuck about much. I think its fun to rant about the minutia of life but, in my every day existence, I’m pretty even-tempered. “. That said, there is one thing I actually do get offended by…It’s not you calling my mom a whore (cause I know she isn’t). It’s not you telling my music sucks (cause who cares what you think?). It’s when people who move to NYC slander Manhattan.
In case you can’t make it out…that’s a handbag with the words “Fuck Manhattan” written on it.
Now, just looking at the bag, I can 100% correctly assume it was made in Brooklyn. I haven’t fact checked that but I’d probably bet my unborn child’s life on it. I’d also venture to guess it’s made of biodegradable hemp and was sewn by a girl with thick rimmed glasses and huckleberry finn jeans. The girl toting it around looked as if she had just stepped off the horse-drawn buggy from wherever the fuck she’s from and moved to Brooklyn last month. If you look closely, you might notice she’s wearing shoes with the british flag on them. I don’t know why but , when added to the fact she was sporting that bag , I was about ready to kill someone. I’d like to repeat, she wore this bag TO A SHOW IN MANHATTAN. I must admit, she’s got balls…and she’s a fucking idiot.
I think what gets me about this is the gall of this particular person to have this bag. I’d be fine if it was some life long Brooklyn/queens person toting it around. But the thing is, no life long Brooklyn Queens person would ever own that fucking thing in the first place. It’s just not that kind of party between boroughs. At it’s worst, it’s like sibling rivalry. Do I think Manhattan is the best? Of course…but it’s cause I’m from here. I’d expect the same for anyone from whatever borough they’re from. Even someone from that shit hole Staten Island is justified in telling me how S.I. is superior cause that’s where they’re from (not to be confused with “where they live”). As much as I might have no interest in going to Queens or the Bronx, I certainly harbor no ill will towards them. And Brooklyn…Brooklyn is great. If I didn’t live in downtown Manhattan, I’d wanna live in a few parts of BK. The biggest strike on Brooklyn is that it’s become a nesting ground for out-of-town dickheads who buy “Fuck Manhattan” bags.
I think these people don’t realize that Manhattan was once cool like Brooklyn is cool now. One of the reasons it got uncool was cause it got too expensive for 24-year-old college post grads to afford. Because of this, they all moved to Brooklyn where they gentrified neighborhoods and pretty much turned parts of Williamsburg into Amherst , Massachusetts. That fine and dandy but I’m pretty sure if you offered any of these people an apartment in a cool location somewhere in downtown Manhattan for the same size and price of the place they’re living right now, a decent amount would jump at the offer. Why? Cause, as cool as brooklyn is, it’s still not Manhattan. Most people work here. Most people commute here a few times a week for some reason or another. As shitty as some parts of Manhattan are (and there are plenty of lame areas), it’s still where things happen. It’s expensive for a reason. Because pretty much EVERYONE wants to live here. Now, I’m sure some of you are reading this a rolling your eyes. I actually know a bunch of people who live in BK and never leave it. I get it though…it’s fun. It’s a real community. There are tons of bars. Great food. Tons of attractive people who are looking to have sex with one another. But a Brooklyn Transplant (who’s definitely never actually lived in Manhattan) hating on manhattan enough to purchase a handbag that voices that sentiment is kinda like when NElly Dissed KRS-one. Sure, Nelly was way more popping at that time but Krs-1 was a Legend so watch your fucking tone when you speak to your elders. Manhattan was once like brooklyn is now. The same way that Queens will be where everyone moves in like ten years once brooklyn is overrun by Duane reade’s and chase banks like Manhattan already has been.
Let it be known, this is not aimed at natives of BK. Not at all. This is 100% about the transplants. People who moved to NYC to live in NYC, but ended up in brooklyn. And not all the transplants…the righteous ones who think that , just cause they’ve lived in Brooklyn for a year or two, they have any right to speak on anything Manhattan related beyond complaining about train service. You’re basing it off some made up shit that you’ve heard from other people. Sure, parts of Manhattan are terrible. I’d rather be in a snow forest in Siberia than midtown Manhattan on a saturday. But, please, shut the fuck up. I mean that in a general sense but .Specifically, to the girl with the “fuck Manhattan” bag. You. Yeah you. Go fuck yourself and your stupid bag. If you hate Manhattan so much, do us both a favor and never come back. It’s for the best. Good luck with that cause you need us way more than we’ll ever need you.