Ask Dr. Tony Vol. 15



Good day everyone. Have a seat on my couch. Tell me of your romantic failings. This is a safe place.
As always, I’m not a licensed anything, so take every word I say with a grain of salt. That said, I’m usually sort of right. If you’ve got more questions or need advice, send them to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com. I will make it all better.

My ex and I broke up about 7 months ago and have had zero contact since then until just recently. I often questioned her morality and sensed that she was and always had been a lying cunt.
She had some serious daddy issues, as in, never had one, and for the last 5 or so years of her life went literally right from one relationship to the next. This happened with the guy before me, and even though she claimed not to be seeing anyone upon us breaking up, came to find out that she intact did have a boyfriend shortly after. Cunt.
Like I said, no contact for 7 months and out of the blue recently, she texts me saying, “I know you hate me, but I hope you are doing well.”
My first though was, bitch, followed by if she REALLY hoped I was doing well, why not sooner when I was still torn up about this shit?
She’s not the nice kind of girl unless its toward something that will fully benefit her, the true definition of a cunt. Yet, I still think about her often, all cuntyness aside, and a part of me wishes I was still with her.
It’s hard to recognize the shitty aspects of a person when things are good, but when they’re bad, every little cunty aspect of her personality was brought to my attention. It was a constant struggle between absolutely despising this bitch but also loving her more than anything. Now I sound like the nutjob.
I guess my question is, why would she text me if she knew that I hated her, which I do and as far as I know, has/had a boyfriend. I did respond and opted to fully be an asshole basically telling her to leave me the fuck alone.
Should I have taken a different route since I still obviously care about her for some sick fucking reason?
Thanks Dr. Tony

Wow. So, uh, she’s a cunt, huh?

Dude, you sound beyond butthurt over this girl. I know breaking up can be brutal and some of these wounds take time to heal but it’s been 7 months and you obviously knew the girl was not the one for you. You should probably be thanking your lucky stars it’s over cause , had you stayed with her, I’m pretty sure she’s be walking all over you right now.

As for the question, it could be a few reasons.
1)She could be feeling guilty and just wants every thing to be “okay” between you two. I certainly can relate to the idea of wanting all my former relationships to be civil. Perhaps she was opening the door for a greater apology? I really don’t know how/why your relationship initially ended, but gauging from your vitriol towards her, I’ll just assume she tied you down and fucked your entire family in front of you while your pet cat was cooking in a microwave.

2)She could be on the outs with her new man and, as you said, she always has a boyfriend. Perhaps she hasn’t had time to set up her next relationship so she’s going with what she knows. You were the last guy before her current man and she figures, at worst, she can buy some time with you and no be alone when the inevitable break up happens. If this is the case, you could either ignore her (WHICH YOU SHOULD) or milk her vindictively for sex for as long as she lets you, until she finds her new man and breaks your heart again. I dunno why, but I get a feeling a big part of why you like her so much is cause you and her have/had great sexual chemistry or something. That’s the type of thing that will keep a dude in a shitty relationship with a person he knows is wrong for him. I could definitely be wrong, but it’s a hunch.

3)She could earnestly be asking how you are out of real human compassion. EH…it’s possible, right?

Whatever the case, I think your answer was the best idea. Sounds like she’s a toxic force in your life who still has some grip on your emotions. It’s best to just shut the door on that one and keep it moving.

So, Dr.Tony, since you seem like a knowledgeable man, and since I met you the other night, I thought that maybe you could help me out.
Earlier in the school year, I have to admit I was kind of a weirdo. I wasn’t like a creep or anything, I just had a problem fitting in. The big problem was I tried to be…different.
Well since then I’ve normal’d up, and I’ve got some good friends. The only real problem is that it left a lasting impression on the women.
Now note, I’m not going for the dumb ho’s, I’m more into the cute ones, but, I kinda want to be able to rest assured that nobody has any real problems with me anymore. Any advice?

I think this is the type of thing that takes time. You can’t just switch up your style one day and expect people to accept that. Trying to be different is part of growing up and finding your niche but when people do so in an over the top fashion, it screams of huge insecurity issues and makes them look like a poser. You’re still really young though and this will all change. Ideally, you should stop trying to impress (or whatever) the people who are gonna think of you as that same weirdo and just move on to different social circles. Get a fresh start. Just be sure to not try too hard to be “Something” cause all this could just end up repeating itself. A cliche as it sounds, be yourself. If you haven’t figured out what that is yet, just don’t force in on yourself. Have some patience.

yo doc
so I got class with this one chick. its a small group communication class and were in the same group. shes sorta cute but nothing to write home about. she was dating some dude for four years, but they broke up. shes a big fan of dessa from doomtree. she wasnt real flirty in class, but we talked a lot, particularly about music. she had tickets to see dessa on 420 for her and her bf, but since hes past tense she asked me to go with her, but wanted me to drive. so I go to pick her up, and shes already got a new bf. some cat ive seen her with around school. shit was weak, but she was mad flirty at the concert. shes also been progressively more flirty in class. is she a slut? I mean, it took her like a week to get over that 4 year relationship. did i get played for a ride to the show? would you guess im friend zoned or is she trying to hit it?

Here are the facts: you’re in college, which means you’re young. She just got out of a four year relationship at that same young age, which means she’s probably never been really single as an adult. She quickly got into a new relationship.
From where I stand, I read it as she’s doing the rebound thing with whoever the new bf is. After 4 years of commitment and , in that time, becoming an adult, she might be realizing the freedom she has. It’s all contextual but I get a feeling she’s figuring out that , if she’s single, she can do whatever she wants and she might be ready to have some fun. Was she flirting with you? Probably. Are you friend zoned? I doubt it. The way I see it, you will probably have a chance to get with her down the line. If you even want to (which I’m not quite clear that you do). All that said, she’s not a slut. She’s a girl who’s been sleeping with the same dude for 4 years who’s probably coming to terms with the idea that she can have as much or as little sex as she wants with as many or few partners as she likes. It’s an awakening of sorts.
You know how people always speak of their crazy years in college? This is the beginning of that. So, you can be a part of it or not. Ride or die, bro.

When I’m going up the stairs after getting off the subway, I tend to be in a mass of people like anyone else. Sometimes the woman in front of me well, smells kinda good. I dunno. It’s not like I’m sniffing for a nice smelling female or anything, but we tend to be just mashed together on the stairs and one can notice smells like that. So, the thing is, if she smells good, well sometimes I kind of inhale again through my nose, a little stronger this time. KEEP IN MIND: I’m not being creepy or weird, or stuffing my face in the back of her blouse. Honestly, I’m 100% sure no one notices me doing this, I don’t change body language, or anything like that. I just kinda “go for seconds” without adjusting my movement in any way. I’ve explained this scenario to some people who say this is on some serial killer weirdness-type shit. I venture that the act is a passive one, hurts no one, although I agree that it IS kinda weird. I’ve never gone for thirds really, if you’re wondering. And it’s not like this is jerkoff material. It’s just a random, private small thing that I noticed that I do sometimes. Is this fucking completely batshit insane and weird? Should I make a point to NOT smell the person directly in front of me? Is this some kind of bizarre intrusion, even though no one else can really notice it? Just weigh in if you don’t mind.

As a person who’s taken the train his entire life, I think you may be walking a little close to people in general. It’s a subway station. It stinks. You’d have to be WAY too close to a person to be able to admire the scent. I’d understand if you did this in a packed subway car, but on the stairs? You’re literally an ass sniffer.
Now, is this weird? Yeah. Is harmful? Not really. It’s funny cause I’m just imagining a dude closing his eyes and inhaling on a girls neck with a creepy satisfied look in his eyes. Like a commercial for fabreeze or something.

Just know, ten years down the line when you’re sewing together the skin of the 7 women you killed, this was the starting point. If nothing else, I know you will preserve their scent.

Ive got a Dr Tony one for ya,
MY boy was dating this fine but crAAAzy 19 year old a while ago, long story short he fell completely in love with her and she just didnt give a shit. One halloween when we were all hanging out he ended up passing out, i was macking it to his gf’s friend who she brought along in his living room. Anyway she ended up coming out mid bang and joined in, SCORE! we were all rolling and I feel bad about it but but really how could I say no. we never talk about it and she ends up hookin up with another of his friends later on (a few weeks) then they break up. Fast forward a year or so and shes trying to get back with him, hes talking to me about how he loves her and he knows she only cheated on her once and asking my advice. Should I tell him that no shes a filthy slut and we had a threesome while they were dating, MY gut tells me no! God No! But he should def not date her again, and he wont listen to my advice otherwise ( ive tried telling him to just leave her be, shes craazy) what would u do?

Hmmm…that’s tough. I mean, you’re kinda damned if you do, damned if you don’t. You could tell him, and he’d probably diss her but he’d also probably be furious at you too. I mean, he knows she’s cheated on him once already so it would appear his mind is made up. Sometimes, you gotta just let a dude flounder in this situation. It’s not like they’re gonna get back together and it’s gonna work. The foundation of their relationship is already tarnished so it’s only a matter of time before it falls apart again. So, I guess I’m saying, take the cowards route and just keep your mouth shut. Hell, he might find out anyway. Explain yourself then. The bottom line is there is apparently nothing you can say to this dude to sway him away from this girl. Let him learn the hard way.

8 thoughts on “Ask Dr. Tony Vol. 15

  1. for the first question – your explanation #2 is dead on.

    now, as for the sniffer – i gotta disagree with you block. i know you’re not a 9-5er, so i dont know how much subway time you put in during rush hour, but let me tell you, the stairs leaving the station can be a packed, nose-to-back, shuffling affair, so i dont think this is all that strange. i also wonder how good your schnoz is, because i know these womanly scents that dude is speaking of, and you really dont have to be all that close to catch them a lot of times, esp when they’re all perfumed up. i just think the creepiness factor on this dude is pretty low, that’s all im trying to say.

    • Oh, I’ve been on my share of packed trains. In all my life, I’ve never considered taking a second whiff of anyone , no matter how close we were. And smelling a woman’s perfume is a little different than what this dude is describing (as far as i can understand). He’s talking about their natural scent. If it was perfume, the leaned it, re-smell wouldn’t be necessary cause perfume cuts through the air pretty easily.

  2. fucking blockhead, you make a lot of sense. Where do you learn these things, like saying sexual chemistry would keep a man attached to a shitty person in a shitty relationship? or did it happen to you too?

  3. seems like a lot of your fans think women are sluts for no good reason other than they dick hurt over a damn bitch. get it together homos!

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